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Overcoming Hardships Spouse

Through Thick and Thin

 

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Photo: Brandice Schnabel

Glimpses of Marital Bliss: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IVPart V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII

Every person has a different marriage experience and sometimes, it may turn sour. When words of divorce are spoken, it can often lead to incredibly painful emotions. In this narrative, a woman describes the way she grappled with her emotions through patience and prayer, and what she realized about her husband, and her marriage, in the end.

“Leave…Go away…I have no feelings towards you! I am just waiting for the right time to divorce you!”

These were the words my husband spoke to me which sliced through my heart like a dagger.

We had a beautiful relationship and two sweet kids… What made him say this? Yes, life was not all too smooth. There had been many hitches… but did that lead to this?! I was shattered, my world shrunk, my soul constricted.

A thousand thoughts crossed my mind, searching for reasons, wanting answers… What he had said didn’t sound good enough. I was not convinced and I was not leaving. Anyway he had just threatened it, not actually divorced me. I didn’t have to leave. It was still my choice, and I chose to stay.

Over the days, I would ponder what caused this indifference. Not finding any answers, I would cry myself to sleep.

Meanwhile he was distant, uncompromising, never ever glancing towards me, so lost in his own devices. In a different world.

Days turned to weeks then to months and then years. I held on, reproached him, approached him, pleaded, distanced myself, shut out all emotions, prayed, lived mechanically.

Slowly the answers tumbled out: “It’s not you, it’s me. I’m in deep trouble, something which I can’t even discuss, something from which there’s no way out, at least from where I see it… I want you to be safe, the kids to be safe and happy and live.”

In the dead of the night, turning in prayer to his Lord, he would plant a kiss on my forehead not knowing I was aware, awake, that his every waking moment would stir me. He wanted me there as much as he wanted me to go away. But he could not think of any better solution. He felt there was no way out. Where he was headed towards seemed to be a one-way road.

Then it dawned so clear—this was the truth behind the facade. He actually loved me, loved the kids more than I could even imagine. So much so that he was willing to separate himself from us for our safety, our happiness, our lives. He knew I would not leave him, not abandon him out of fear, and hence chose to distance me, separate me.

AlhamdulilLah (praise be to God) my Lord is He who has power over all things.

I stayed on, held on, du`a’ (prayer) kept me going. AlhamdulilLah I got to experience that unflinching love, that selfless love of my hubby. I did not know what a marriage was when I got married. From my better half, I learned that it was all about taking responsibility and putting family first, against all odds.”


*If you would like share sweet glimpses from your marriage with hopes of spreading awareness of positive relationships in the Muslim community, please email Maryam@SuhaibWebb.com with a short narrative. Your submission may be featured anonymously in this mini-series of Glimpses of Marital Bliss.

 

About the author

Maryam Amirebrahimi

Maryam Amirebrahimi received her master’s in Education from UCLA, where her research focused on the effects of mentorship rooted in Critical Race Theory for urban high school students of color. She holds a bachelor’s in Child and Adolescent Development from San Jose State University, where she served as the President of the Muslim Student Association for two consecutive years. Currently, she is pursuing a second bachelor’s degree in Islamic Studies through Al Azhar University’s distance learning program. Maryam spent a year studying the Arabic language and Qur’an in Cairo, Egypt, and has memorized the Qur’an. She has been presented the Student of the Year award by former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and holds a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Maryam frequently travels to work with different communities to address a variety of social issues and writes about topics related to social realities, women’s studies and spiritual connections on www.virtualmosque.com.

8 Comments

  • What a troubled man. He obviously was trying to do what he thought was best. May Allah swt grant you both a stronger bond and ease in life.

  • Wow subhanAllah this teared me up th
    inking of what could have happened tobthe ister’s husband if she had listened to him and left – deteriorated even more BUT inspired by the commitment on both sides.

  • @Balooh- right on.Ameen for your beautiful dua’
    @Dee Yana,Nooria- I’m living with that question!! Let’s c in’sha Allah. With every hardship comes ease.
    @Sameeha- I pray I’m able to keepup the commitment.
    Dear sisters pls remember my family in your dua’

  • Masha Allah, I find this story to be very moving. May Allah give strength to both husband and wife to hold on together in the marriage, and to raise the children well. May He give guidance and the best of help to your family, aamiin Ya Rabbal Aalamiin..

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