Originally published in December 2010

There are big-name companions of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) like Salmān al-Fārisi, Bilāl, Abu Bakr and `Umar radi allahu `anhum (may Allah be pleased with them) whom we’ve heard so much about. Their journeys to Islam, and how they sacrificed for the sake of the truth brings smiles to our faces, or sometimes brings us to tears – and always make us feel connected to our Islamic heritage. There are other companions whom we don’t hear about as often, but their lives are also filled with struggles and exemplary behavior that deserves our attention.

One of these lesser-known companions is Sa`īd ibn `Amir al-Jumahy. His story is translated below, with some modification, from the book Suwar Min Hayāt Al-Sahābah (Glimpses from the Lives of the Companions) by Dr. `Abd al-Rahmān Ra’fat Al-Bāsha. I hope you find his story as moving and inspiring as I have, and may it resonate deeply in your heart, mind and soul.

Sa`īd’s story begins when he was a young boy living in Makkah. It was his fate to witness something that would haunt him forever, yet transform his life completely.

He was among thousands of people invited to watch the killing of Khubayb ibn `Adiy, a companion of the Prophet ﷺ, whom the Quraysh had captured. Sa`īd had a tall stature and strong build, so he managed to push through to the frontlines and get a close-up view of the Quraysh’s captive. He saw Khubayb weighed down in chains as women and children pushed him into the arena of death. They all wanted to avenge Muhammad ﷺ through killing Khubayb, and also get revenge for their dead in the Battle of Badr.

Sa`īd watched as they brought Khubayb up to the cross to be crucified. He heard his calm, firm voice, amidst the screaming women and children, make the request: “If you could let me pray two rak`as (units of prayer) before my death, please do so.” He saw him face the qiblah (direction of prayer), and pray with complete composure and contentment. After his prayer, Khubayb turned to the leaders of Quraysh and said fearlessly: “By Allah, if you hadn’t assumed that I’m elongating my prayer out of fear of death, I would have lengthened my prayer.”

Then, with his own two eyes, Sa`īd saw his people mutilate Khubayb alive. They cut up his body, piece by piece, while having the nerve to challenge Khubayb: “Would you like Muhammad to be in your place and you be saved?” He responded without hesitation: “By Allah, I wouldn’t like that I be secure with my family and children while Muhammad is even pricked with one thorn…”

The spectators were infuriated. They threw their hands up in the air and yelled even louder than before: “Kill him! Kill him!” Sa`īd could see Khubayb looking towards the sky from atop the cross, saying: “Allāhumma-ahsihim `adadā, waqtulhum badadā, wa lā tughādir minhum ahadā (O Allah, count them all, wipe them out, and don’t leave any of them out).” Then he breathed his final breaths, being left with countless cuts and gashes from all the swords and spears that struck him.

Soon afterward, everyone dispersed. The people of Quraysh got caught up in other events and forgot about Khubayb and his death. But this young boy, Sai`d ibn `Amir, never forgot Khubayb for a moment. He would see him in his dreams when he slept, and he would see his image while awake – being mutilated in front of him, and praying those two calm rak`as before he was crucified. He would hear the echo of Khubayb’s voice as he supplicated against the Quraysh, fearing that he would be counted in the supplication and be struck with a thunderbolt, or that a boulder would fall on him from the sky.

Sa`īd learned from Khubayb what he didn’t know before. He learned that the true life is a life of belief and conviction in God, and struggling for the sake of this belief until death. He also learned that deep-rooted imān (faith in God) can give you unimaginable strength. And there’s one more thing he learned: that a man whose companions loved him that much, must be a Messenger receiving Divine help from the heavens.

It was through these realizations that Allah guided Sa`īd to Islam. He wasted no time and stood up in front of a group of people and announced his Islam, and his disassociation from the sins and evil acts of Quraysh, and from their idols and false gods.

Sa`īd migrated to Madinah and accompanied the Prophet ﷺ; he witnessed the Battle of Khaybar with him and other battles after that. When the beloved Messenger ﷺ passed away, Sa`īd was at the disposal of Abu Bakr and `Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) during their caliphates, and he lived a life that was uniquely exemplary to the believers. Both successors of the Prophet ﷺ knew of Sa`īd’s honesty and God-consciousness, and they would take his advice, and listen intently to his words. On one occasion, during the beginning of `Umar’s caliphate, Sa`īd came to `Umar and said,

“O `Umar, I advise you to fear Allah in dealing with people, and not to fear the people over Allah. Don’t let your words contradict your actions, for the best of speech is that which the actions attest to…

O `Umar, never lose sight of those whom Allah has given you responsibility over, from the Muslims near and far. Love for them what you love for yourself and your family, and hate for them what you would hate for yourself and your family. Tread through the challenges to reach the truth, and by Allah, don’t fear the blame of the blamers.”

“Who can handle all this Sa`īd?!” `Umar asked passionately.

“Someone like you whom Allah has given leadership over the Ummah of Muhammad ﷺ, and whom no one stands between him and Allah.”

At that point, `Umar sought Sa`īd’s assistance. He said, “Sa`īd, I am making you a governor of Hims ((Hims is a city in present-day Syria)) .” Sa`īd replied, “O `Umar, I beg you by Allah, don’t put me through this trial.”

`Umar got angry and said, “Woe to you… you put this matter (i.e. the caliphate) around my neck and then you abandon me! By Allah, I won’t let you go.” So `Umar appointed Sa`īd as the governor of Hims, and asked, “Shall we pay you?” Sa`īd quickly refused: “And what would I do with it, O Amir al-Mu’minīn?! ((Leader of the Believers))  My right from the Treasury already surpasses my needs.” Then `Umar left Sa`īd to govern Hims.

After a short time, a group of people from Hims, whom `Umar trusted, passed through town. He asked them to write down the names of their poor people so he can get their needs met. They gave him a list, and lo and behold, one of the names was Sa`īd ibn `Amir.

Shocked, `Umar said: “Who is Sa`īd ibn `Amir?!”

They said, “He is our Amir.” ((Leader))

“Your Amir is poor?!” `Umar asked with astonishment.

They affirmed, “Yes, and by Allah, days would pass by and no light (i.e. fire for cooking) would be lit in his home.”

On hearing this, `Umar wept until his beard became wet with tears. He took 1,000 dinars and put them in a sack, instructing the people of Hims: “Send him my salaam and tell him that Amir al-Mu’minīn sent you this money to assist you in fulfilling your needs.”

The delegation brought the money to Sa`īd. He opened the sack and found money in it, but immediately pushed it away, saying, “Innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhi raji`ūn (to Allah we belong and to Him is our return)” as if a catastrophe had befallen him.

Startled, his wife asked: “What is wrong Sa`īd…? Did Amir al-Mu’minīn pass away?!”

“No, worse than that,” said Sa`īd.

“Have the Muslims been struck by a calamity?!”

“No, worse than that.”

“And what can be worse than that?!”

“The dunya (material world) has come to destroy my (outcome for the) hereafter, and the fitnah (trial) has entered my home.”

Not knowing anything about the money, she said easily: “Get rid of it.”

“Will you help me in doing so?”

“Yes,” she replied.

So they both rationed the dinars into sacks, and distributed them to the poor Muslims in Hims.

It wasn’t long before `Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) came to al-Shām to check up on its affairs. Hims at the time was known as Al-Kuwayfa (the smaller Kūfa) because it was similar to Kūfa in that its people used to complain from their leaders like the people of Kūfa. When `Umar went to Hims, the people greeted him, and he asked them, “How do you find your Amir?”

They immediately complained about him and brought up four issues – each one being worse than the previous one. `Umar said: “I brought them together (Sa`īd and his people), and prayed to Allah that He doesn’t disappoint me in (Sa`īd) because I had a great deal of trust in him.”

When they were all before him, he asked again, “What are your complaints about your Amir?”

They replied, “He doesn’t come out to us until late morning.”

“What do you have to say about this Sa`īd?” `Umar asked.

He remained quiet for a bit, then said: “By Allah, I would hate to say this, but now I have to; my family has no servant, so I wake up every morning and knead the dough for them. Then I rest a little until it rises. Then, I bake it for them. Then I make ablution, and go out to meet the people.

“And what other complaint do you have about him?” `Umar asked.

“He doesn’t respond to anyone who calls for him at night,” they said.

“What do you have to say about this Sa`īd?” `Umar asked again.

He replied, “By Allah, I would hate to mention this too… I have devoted the day to (serving) them and the night to (worshipping) Allah, the Glorious and Almighty.”

“And what other complaint do you have about him?” `Umar said.

They said, “There is one day out of every month where he doesn’t come out at all.”

“And what is this Sa`īd?” `Umar asked.

Sa`īd said, “I don’t have a servant, O Amir al-Mu’minīn, and I don’t have any clothing except what’s on me now. So, I wash it once a month and wait (at home) for it to dry, and then I go out to the people at the end of the day.”

“And what is your last complaint about him?” `Umar asked.

They said, “From time to time he loses consciousness, and becomes unaware of those he is sitting with.”

“And what is this Sa`īd?!” `Umar exclaimed.

Sa`īd said, “I witnessed the killing of Khubayb ibn `Adiy while I was a mushrik. And I saw the Quraysh mutilate and cut up his body while asking him: ‘Would you like Muhammad to be in your place and you to be saved?’ But, Khubayb responded: ‘By Allah, I would not like that I be secure with my family and children while Muhammad ﷺ is even pricked with one thorn…’

And by Allah, there is not one day that I remember this and how I didn’t help him except that I think Allah will not forgive me for it; and that is when I lose consciousness.”

At this point, `Umar exclaimed, “Praise be to Allah Who did not disappoint me in him!”

Then he sent Sa`īd another 1,000 dinars to help him with his needs. When Sa`īd’s wife saw the money, she said,

“Alhamdulillah (praise be to Allah) that we no longer have to depend on your service. Go buy us food, and bring us a servant.”

Sa`īd told her, “Are you interested in something better?”

“What would that be?” she asked.

“We give it to the One who sent it to us, while we are in great need of it.”

“And how is that?”

“We loan it to Allah as a goodly loan.” (Qur’an, 64:17)

“Yes,” she agreed, “and may you be rewarded good (for this),” she said.

Sa`īd didn’t get up from his place until he took all 1,000 dinars and divided them up in sacks again. He told someone from his family, “Take them to the widow of this person, and to all these orphans, and to the needy of that family, and to the poor of such and such families.”

This was the simple, humble, devout life of Sa`īd ibn `Amir, who always preferred others over himself, even though he was in desperate privation.

May Allah be pleased with Sa`īd, and Khubayb, and all the companions. And may He purify our hearts, and grant us the strength and courage to follow in the footsteps of the righteous.

Say, ‘In God’s grace and mercy let them rejoice.’ That is better than all they accumulate. (Qur’an, 10:58)

Today is one of the happiest days for millions of Muslims all over the world. While we’re sad to see the blessed month of Ramadan go, we’re so grateful for having completed a month of intense fasting and detoxification; a month meant to cleanse our hearts, minds and bodies so we can be closer to God with our souls and spirits. We experienced a special sweetness of faith during this past month, and now we celebrate with family and friends, fun festivities, delicious food and sweets of all kinds.

As we rejoice and celebrate, we can also remember that we have another happy camper celebrating too. He was locked up during Ramadan, and he just gained his freedom. For the last month, he’s been watching millions of Muslims fill up the masajid, pray intensely during the night, supplicate fervently to Allah, give abundantly in charity, and feel more motivated to do good than ever before. He saw Muslims who would drink often now stopped drinking; people who didn’t feel like praying before want to pray regularly; believers who never opened the Qur’an throughout the year choose to read it and contemplate its meanings. He saw Muslims who envied and hated one another stand side by side in prayer and become the closest of brethren. Before, they were held back by his whispers and their sins, distractions, temptations. Now that weight is lifted, so they picked up speed and worship became easier and more enjoyable. So, he was chained and they were freed. He was restrained so we could be liberated.

Have you seen people who live for a cause? They eat, sleep, breathe and die for their work. Imagine if these people were prevented from living their passion; and not only that, but imagine that they watched all their life’s efforts being destroyed right before their eyes. They have no control and can’t change what happened. It would probably make them sad, frustrated and angry. If they were given the power and freedom again, they could at least rebuild what was destroyed and fix what was broken.

Of all non-human creation, Satan is probably the most passionately committed to his cause. Yet, his mission in life is not to build, but to destroy. His sole purpose is to mislead and deviate and burn, as is his nature. Speaking to God, he said, “I swear by Your might! I will tempt all of them, except Your sincere servants,” (Qur’an, 38:82-3). So now that he’s liberated, he’s not just walking towards us casually; he’s coming back with a vengeance.

Fasting is designed by God to increase our taqwa. While taqwa is often translated as God-consciousness, its linguistic root connotes protection from harm. Fasting is a shield that protects us from harming ourselves and others, that protects us from the harmful effects of our sins. It’s a shield that protects us from getting burned by Satan’s tricks, and ultimately, from getting burned by the Fire. One of Satan’s tactics is to make us indulge in our physical pleasures, cravings, and desires in the most unbridled way.  He wants to ignite the animalistic tendencies within us and make us pursue these pleasures as ends in and of themselves, not as means for livelihood and lawful well-being.

Out of God’s mercy, He restricts our access to these two pleasures during fasting so that they don’t consume us and define our being. Through fasting, our relationship with these desires becomes less obsessive and animalistic, and more tamed and disciplined. So, when the month-long training is over and we’re back on the battlefield with Satan, his avenues to our hearts and minds are tightened and restricted. If we choose to broaden those pathways and re-indulge in our desires again, we invite him back into the very veins that run through our bodies; but if we feed these instinctual appetites in moderation and through the proper channels, we loosen Satan’s grip and become freed to nurture a deeper spiritual relationship with God throughout the year.

God says in the Qur’an, “O Believers, do not follow in Satan’s footsteps—if you do so, he will urge you to indecency and evil; and if it were not for God’s grace and mercy towards you, not one of you would ever have attained purity. God purifies whoever He wills; and God is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (24:21)

During the blessed month of Ramadan, we may have gained more spiritual awareness, clarity and focus, and even felt a deep desire to become better Muslims, believers, and worshipers. Let’s not allow those feelings to dissipate and disappear just because Ramadan has passed. While the shade of Ramadan has left, the shade of God’s Mercy is everlasting. If God purifies whomever He wills, let’s also do our part in pursuing and recommitting to the path of purification. As Khurram Murad says, “The initial desire and ensuing effort to do and become good, is part of the continuing process of self development, a process that may begin at any point in life that you choose and continue till your last breath.” ((In the Early Hours: Reflections on Spiritual and Self Development, p. 10.))

So, before we get caught up in our busy lives and demands of family, work, or school again, now is the time to inculcate the good practices and habits we gained from Ramadan—no matter how small. Perhaps you didn’t used to pray sunan and voluntary prayers, and now you do. Maybe you would pray late often, and you found yourself praying more on time. Perhaps you would flirt a little much with the ladies, and during Ramadan you had some self-control. Maybe you were used to hearing or seeing shameful things, and you found it improper to do so during Ramadan. Perhaps you tried performing night prayers for the first time, and you absolutely loved it. Or maybe you didn’t feel the need to make du`a’ (supplication) before, but you poured your heart out to Him one night and felt an amazing, healing effect. Or maybe, like many people, you would think about food most of the day and fasting made you focus on more important matters like nourishing your soul.

What else? What other positive changes did you experience? Keep reflecting on your special moments and changes during Ramadan and hold on to those. Keep nurturing these feelings, habits and practices. Continue to fast, pray, read Qur’an, and forgive. Continue to shine with love, patience, and empathy. Give a little more than before, and don’t give up on yourself or on God’s mercy. Remember that Satan wants to take you away from God’s remembrance and bury you under layers of darkness and fleeting pleasures, but God is calling you to purity and peace, and to what gives you life.

So make this Eid a memorable one. Be happy and rejoice in God’s bounties and blessings, and start pursuing the endless opportunities for rising to greater spiritual heights.

It was a breathtaking view from my window. Thousands of feet up in the air, I was passing through heaps of white cotton candy spread across the sky. The clouds swished by and a chain of giant mountains pierced boldly through the atmosphere. Glistening in the sunlight was a vast ocean, with its little white waves hugging the sandy shores that meandered around the land.

“Surely, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, are signs for those of understanding,” (Qur’an, 3:190). All this pristine beauty got me thinking about the sunnah (way) of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) in His creation—that He created the greatest of things out of smaller components; the clouds and oceans from tiny water molecules, the mountains from grains of sand, rocks and pebbles, giant forests and gardens from individual plants and trees. In living organisms too, entire systems are composed of smaller organs, layered with tissues composed of miniscule cells that house tiny organelles!

Doesn’t that sunnah apply to our lives too? When we nurture the tiniest elements, we create greatness in every aspect of our lives, from our relationships, to our health, to our connection with Allah (swt). Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) reminds us, “Do not belittle any good action, even if it be greeting your brother with a pleasant face,” (Muslim). Every action, down to the invisibly tiny atom, is significant with Allah (swt). It could be stroking the head of a sad child, or visiting someone who is sick, or giving $5 or $10 to the poor and needy, or lending a helping hand when someone needs you. And when you assist others in any way, know that Allah (swt) is helping you! Prophet Muhammad ﷺ says, “Whoever relieves a believer of distress in this world, Allah will relieve him of some of the distress of the Day of Resurrection. Whoever makes things easy for those who are in difficulty, Allah will make things easy for him in this world and in the next. Whoever conceals (the faults of) a Muslim in this world, Allah will conceal him (his faults) in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah will help the servant so long as the servant helps his brother,” (Tirmidhi).

With your friends or loved ones, it could be the smallest acts of kindness that make the biggest difference: a comforting phone call during the day, a warm hug, a genuine smile that brightens their mood, or even doing the grocery shopping or washing the dishes after they’ve had a long day. Doing these loving, generous acts—and doing them often—is what fuels loving, intimate relationships. These are the seemingly insignificant day-to-day gestures that build solid, beautiful bonds.

Great health also comes with adopting small healthy habits. Allah (swt) created our bodies in the best form, so it behooves us to invest in honoring and taking care of that trust. And strong, healthy individuals, like you, are what make a collectively strong Muslim Ummah! It’s the minor things like cutting down on the heavy carbohydrates, fats and sugars that could relieve you of a few unwanted inches and decrease the risk of cardiovascular diseases. Other small changes include exercising portion control and eating a variety of colorful fruits, vegetables and lean proteins. Allah (swt) says, “And whatever He multiplied for you on the earth of varying colors. Indeed in that is a sign for a people who remember. And it is He who subjected the sea for you to eat from it tender meat […] that you might seek of His bounty; and perhaps you will be grateful,” (Qur’an, 16:13-14).

Another good practice to have is to plan your meals and workouts ahead of time. When you know what you will eat during the day, you’re less likely to eat whatever is around when you feel hungry. Also, scheduling your workouts throughout the week ensures that you get enough exercise. Walk as much and as often as you can. Walk around the neighborhood, or in a park, or at your workplace. Make time during your lunch break, or take a 10 minute break from work to walk. Get some fresh air, clear your mind and smell the roses while you’re out! Hit the gym if possible and incorporate strength training to burn fat and tone your muscles. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ encourages us to increase our physical strength when he says, “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer,” (Muslim). If you can’t make it to the gym, exercise at home or outdoors. Do more push-ups, sit-ups, squats and lunges, and exercise with a partner for motivation. Aim for at least 20-30 minutes a day of continuous exercise. When you start developing all these minor eating and exercise habits, you embark on a path of greater health and fitness, which of course makes you more energized to worship Allah (swt).

Remember what actions are most beloved to Allah?—the ones done consistently, even if they are small. In your relationship with Allah (swt), that means small doses of Qur’anic recitation, prayers and du`a’ (supplication) are better than large doses every once in a blue moon. A short du`a’ after every prayer is preferred over supplicating for a long time only when you’re having trouble and need Allah’s help. Reading five minutes of Qur’an daily and praying a few rak`as (units) of qiyam (night prayer) before sleeping or before Fajr is better than doing these only when Ramadan rolls around.

If Fajr is not part of your morning practice, that would be a prime place to start. If you’re determined to wake up for Fajr prayer, force yourself to sleep early and go to bed in a state of wudu’ while doing dhikr. Of course, drop the caffeine in the afternoons, set your alarms, and get a family member or buddy to make sure you wake up. If you’re with family, praying together is the best motivator! On the Day of Judgment, people will be wishing they had read just one more ayah (verse) of Qur’an, and prostrated just one more time—because the benefits are enormous. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ says, “Recite the Qur’an, for it will come on the Day of Judgment as in intercessor for its companions,” (Muslim). He also says, “Prostrate a lot because there is not one prostration that you do for Allah except that Allah raises your rank (in Paradise) by it, and removes a sin by it for you,” (Muslim).

What area in your life can you create more beauty, more greatness, and more success in? Pick one area and just start! Start with tiny changes and little adjustments that push you in the right direction. When you do the minor acts repeatedly and consistently, you create a series of successes for yourself. These small feats add up, and motivate you to challenge yourself—to give more, exercise more often, read Qur’an and pray more regularly, and do even more thoughtful acts for others. Before you know it, by Allah’s will, your life will be a big success made up of many smaller ones.

Just like our bodies are made up of millions of magnificent smaller entities, loving relationships are made up of numerous, loving acts of kindness, a healthy person practices a variety of healthy eating and exercise habits, and a righteous person is one who does many righteous acts. And don’t forget that every little bit counts. As Allah (swt) reminds us, “Whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it,” (Qur’an, 99:7) and “Whatever good you do, Allah knows it,” (Qur’an, 2:197).

Islam and the Internet Series: Intro | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IV

Food is a necessity in life. But keep over-eating (irrespective of nutritional value), and you can become overweight and obese. Eat unhealthy, fatty foods, and you get high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and other nasty illnesses and diseases. The Internet can be compared to our relationship with food. It is a great tool that provides us innumerable benefits. But if we over-indulge or keep ingesting unwholesome pieces and quantities, it can ruin our physical, spiritual and mental health.

With the plethora of content in cyberspace, it’s difficult to maneuver without feeling overwhelmed and virtually claustrophobic. It’s a challenge to be selective in what to read, who to talk to, and what activities to engage in. It’s a struggle to even turn off our electronic gadgets that constantly beep, flash and vibrate with new e-mails, updates, and instant messages. Someone or some group always wants to show and tell us something—always wanting immediate attention. If we comply—all the time—we’ll be hooked for good, and always waiting for more.

The Internet will gladly consume our thoughts and time, if we let it. Our unhealthy online habits can detract from nourishing our real-life interactions, from excelling at work or in school, from reading beneficial books and publications, and from spending quality time with friends and family. We can develop a horizontal approach, broadening our exposure to numerous people and information while developing little to no depth in any of our relationships or knowledge of certain subjects.  Our incessant perusal through other people’s pictures, videos, and blogs can make us aimless consumers, and distract us from leaving our own meaningful footprint in cyberspace. Worse, our online sins can develop into addictions that violate our moral code, eat away at our soul, translate into real-life sins, and sever our relationships with spouses and loved ones. If we find ourselves developing any of these problems, we might consider doing the following:

1.      Unplug. Log-off. Disconnect. Give your eyes (and ears) a break. Go to a park, or watch a sunset. Enjoy the solitude. Listen to the chirping birds, rustling leaves, and the streaming rivers and creeks. Praise God for the beauty in His creation. Bond with your spouse, children or siblings. Talk about your hopes, dreams, fears and needs. Have a cup of coffee with real friends, and connect in person. Catch up on all the unread messages in the Qur’an. Reflect on their meanings, and on your purpose in life. Try making these daily or weekly habits. Be present with your heart, mind, body and soul.

2.      Minimize. When you’re back online, think small. Take bite-size portions you can chew. Be selective. Choose quality over quantity. Read only some posts, watch only some videos. Maybe read an e-book instead. Remember to leave room for breathing space, and digestion. Try not to multi-task online. Don’t toggle between so many tabs and conversations, or jump from wall to wall, and post to post. Focus, process, reflect. Ponder on how you can apply new lessons in your life. Then take time away to implement.

3.      Refine. Think of your activities online. Evaluate your surfing, speaking, and spamming. Is it useful, appropriate, and modest? Is it impulsive or superfluous? Choose your words wisely, cautiously, courteously. If they’re with the opposite gender, make them kind but modest. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Try expressing thoughts and feelings in words, rather than using emoticons. Use proper grammar. Take the time to infuse your communication with excellence. Don’t abbreviate, abridge, and shorten where length is valued. Don’t expose, reveal and elongate where concealment is needed.  Before you share, post and forward, check if you’ve benefited and reflected.

Remember, from all the online struggles, addiction to viewing pornography can become a clinical problem. It is complicated by changes in brain chemistry, which are difficult to reverse. Don’t let it happen to you. If it already has, seek professional help to prevent further harm to you and your loved ones.

Finally, I’d like to share a passage from Elias Aboujaoude’s Virtually You: the Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality [p. 289 – 290]. It sums up the dangers and hopes for the new virtual phenomena quite eloquently:

Virtualism, as enabled especially by the Internet, is a major signpost in our journey through history. There can be no doubting that it has opened windows and brought opportunity—for social connection and outreach, for liberation from anxiety and doubt, for financial and personal success, and for self-realization and fulfillment. Similarly, there can be no doubt any longer the big experiment we are conducting with our psyches. To offer a psychological read of the virtual age is to offer a candid assessment of an encounter between humankind and a new type of machine—one that is not entirely inanimate; that can be alluring, deceptive, and addictive at the same time; and that can efficiently prey on our basic instincts and impulses, our need for amusement and information, and our never-ending search for longing, and self-betterment. Yet for all the problems and “for the worse” changes this machine might have introduced into our lives, we are not lesser for it; only much more complicated…I hope that we will someday be able to measure the World Wide Web’s legacy beyond gross domestic product indexes, efficiency gains, and the number of smiling emoticons flying through the ether. Only then can we honestly rejoice in the Internet’s many real bounties.

Think modesty (hayā’). What comes to mind? It could be wearing hijāb and dressing modestly. Or maybe it is using decent and clean speech. Or it might be conducting ourselves with dignity and self-respect around the opposite gender. If we know we’ve fallen short in our modesty, we feel the need to change in some way. So, we try to wear more loose-fitting clothes, for example, or wear less make-up. Or we might try to curse a little less, look at lewd images less often, or flirt a little less with a guy friend or girls at work. But sometimes we find it difficult to change these habits and behaviors. Why is that? Part of the reason is that we overlook the inner spiritual dimensions of modesty; we try to cure the symptoms without dealing with the problem at its root. It is almost like trying to save a dried out plant by dipping its leaves in water or fertilizer.

Maybe what needs our attention is less apparent. Maybe it is our attitude towards Allah (swt), or the purity of our hearts, or the depth and strength of our faith in Allah. If we develop modesty and shamefulness in our hearts, it becomes easier for our thoughts, desires, conversations, and actions to reflect that modesty. When we have modesty with Allah, our manners and behavior with His creation will naturally exude more modesty. So, outer modesty is a byproduct and manifestation of the God-consciousness and modesty we nurture within.

I recently read a book almost entirely on the inner dimensions of modesty. It is called Fiqhu`l-Hayā’ (Understanding Modesty) by Muhammad Al-Muqaddim. I’ve translated some excerpts ((Excerpts have been translated with slight modifications. The section headings are not worded exactly as found in the book)) that I felt capture the essence of hayā’ and how it relates to imān and our relationship with Allah (swt). The last translated portion includes ways to adorn our character with more modesty, both internally and externally. May it be of benefit to all insha’Allah (God-willing).

What is Hayā’?

Linguistically, hayā’ is derived from the root hayiyy, which comes from the word hayāh (life). Heavy rain is referred to as hayyan because with it comes the life of the earth, and plants and animals. Similarly, the worldly life and the afterlife are defined through hayā’; whoever does not have hayā’ would be (spiritually) dead in this life, and also miserable in the afterlife. Some linguists have said: “The life in one’s face comes from its hayā’, just as the life of a planted seed comes from watering it.”

The level of one’s hayā’ is based on how much life is in the heart…so the more alive the heart, the more complete the hayā’.

Technically, hayā’ is defined as a change or a state of humility that overtakes a person out of fear of being blameworthy. Ibn Al-Qayyim says: “Hayā’ is a state that emerges from combining exaltation with love, so when the two are coupled, hayā’ is born.” ((Madarij Al-Salikeen 2/274, as found in Manazil Al-Sa’ireen.)) Some scholars say that it stems from feeling shameful in the heart about something and feeling averse to it.

It can also emerge when the servants know that Allah, the Truth, is looking at them, making them more patient with a certain struggle, or making them feel uncomfortable with their own sin, or making them refrain from complaining.

Hayā’ can also come from recognizing the bounty and graciousness one receives. This is because a generous person would not return favorable treatment with mistreatment.

Al-Junayd, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “Hayā’ is seeing the Signs, and being aware of one’s shortcomings. Out of these two will arise a state of hayā’. In reality, hayā’ is a character trait that encourages a person to avoid shameful things and prevents one from neglecting the rights of the One Who deserves them most.” ((Riyad Al-Saliheen, p. 246.))

Hayā’ and Imān

It is narrated that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “Hayā’ and imān are two companions, so when one increases, the other also increases.” ((Reported by Al-Hakim.))

He ﷺ also said: “Hayā’ is a part of Imān.” ((Reported by Muslim.)) Imam Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) reported that Al-Qadi `Iyad said: “Hayā’ was made to be a part of imān—even if it is innate—because it can either be acquired and adopted like all other acts of righteousness, or it can be one’s natural disposition. However, practicing hayā’ according to Islamic legislation requires that it be acquired with the right intention and with sound knowledge. That is why hayā’ is a part of imān. Another reason is that hayā’ encourages one to do acts of righteousness and it prevents one from committing sins.” ((Al-Nawawi’s Commentary on Sahih Muslim, 2/5.))

Allah’s Love of Modesty

It is narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said: “Verily, Allah the Exalted is Modest and Concealing (Sittīr); and He loves modesty and concealment. So, when any of you bathe, let him conceal himself.” ((Reported by Abu Dawud, An-Nasa’i, al-Baihaqi, and Ahmed.))

Al-Mubarakfuri (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “(The Prophet)’s statement ‘Allah is Modest’ means He is Modest in practice, or shows a lot of Modesty. Describing Allah with the Attribute of Modesty is to be understood in a way most befitting for Allah, just like all His other Attributes; we believe in them but do not delve into how (the traits are manifested).” ((Tuhfat Al-Ahwadhi, Commentary on Jami` Al-Tirmidhi, 9/544.))

Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “…Whoever has a trait similar to one of Allah’s attributes, that trait will lead him to Allah, and will bring him closer to Allah’s Mercy, and will make him/her beloved to Allah; for Allah is Most-Merciful, and He loves the merciful; He is Most Generous, and He loves the generous; He is All-Knowing, and He loves the knowledgeable; He is strong, and He loves the strong believer—who is more beloved to Him than the weak believer; He is Modest, and he loves the people of modesty; He is Beautiful and He loves the people of beauty; He is One (witr) and he loves the people of the witr (prayer).” ((Al-Jawab Al-Kafi p. 77.))

Who Deserves Our Modesty?

A person should be modest with Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted, with the angels, and with oneself. Whoever is modest with people but not with oneself has belittled his self because he does not see it as worthy of his own modesty. Whoever is modest with oneself but not with Allah does not truly know Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted. As such, the Prophet ﷺ told a man he was advising: “I advise you to have shame with Allah as you would have shame (in the presence) of a righteous man from your people.” ((Reported by Ahmed.))

In the words of Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted, “Does he not know that Allah sees (everything)?” (Qur’an, 96:14). There is an implied warning to the servant; if he knows that Allah sees him, then he should be ashamed of committing sin.  Whoever knows that the One he worships is observing his worship will be more inclined to adorn it externally with humble reverence and internally with sincerity and presence. Surely, Allah knows the secret glance of the eyes and what the hearts conceal.

The Prophet ﷺ has made modesty a standard and measure for a person’s actions. Nawwas ibn Sam`an, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that he asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about righteousness and wrongdoing. So he ﷺ responded: “Righteousness is good character and wrongdoing is what makes you feel discomfort, ((Author’s footnote: Meaning, there is a feeling of reluctance or discomfort [in the chest]. If it occurs in the heart, then it is doubt and fear that [the action] is sinful.)) and that you would hate for people to see (what you are doing).” ((Reported by Muslim.))

One of the areas where modesty [i.e. shamefulness] should be avoided is in seeking knowledge and in educating. `Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “One who does not know should not be ashamed of asking until he has knowledge, and one who is asked about something he does not know should not be ashamed to say ‘I do not know.’” Al-Bukhari said that Mujahid said: “The one who is shy or arrogant does not gain knowledge.” `Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said: “How great were the women of the Ansar; their modesty did not prevent them from seeking knowledge about their religion.” ((Fath Al-Bari, Commentary on Sahih Al-Bukhari, by Ibn Hajr Al-`Asqalani.))

How Do We Become More Modest?

If a person’s character traits were completely innate, they would be difficult to change, or replace, or adjust. Islamic legislation calls for adopting beautiful moral traits and eliminating bad character traits. If it was not possible to do so, Islamic legislation would not obligate it. Allah, the Most-High, says: “He has succeeded—the one who purifies it, and he has failed—the one who corrupts it.” (Qur’an, 91:9-10)

Despite that, people vary in their ability, capability, or willingness to adopt or change certain character traits. So, if a person is naturally disposed to express a specific quality, it is easier to develop that character trait even further. This is because his innate disposition (fitra) is assisting him. As related to modesty as a character trait, it can be innate, and it can also be acquired. These are some ways to help in acquiring and developing modesty:

1. Refrain from shameless words or actions, such as foul or evil speech. This will aggravate Satan, who beautifies these actions, and tempts people with them. So, not engaging in such actions would actually make him hopeless, and he would in turn retract in disgrace.
2. Continuously learn about the benefits of modesty, and expose one’s heart to them repeatedly. Also, making a commitment to gaining the highest levels of modesty, and actively adorning oneself with it.
3. Strengthen imān and belief in the heart, because modesty is a fruit of imān and knowing Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted.
4. Worship Allah (swt) by reflecting on His Beautiful Names and Attributes, which bring about Allah-consciousness and excellent (character and behavior). Examples of such Names would be: The Witness, The Overseer, The All-Knowing, The All-Hearing, The All-Seeing, The All-Encompassing, and The Protector. Hatim Al-Asam said: “Make a pact with yourself in three (areas): when you do something, remember that Allah sees you, and when you speak, remember that Allah hears you, and when you are silent, remember Allah’s knowledge of your inner (thoughts, feelings, and being).”
5. Consistently observe the obligatory and recommended worship, like prayer. Allah, the Most-High, said: “Verily, prayer prevents lewdness and evil deeds.” It was said to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ: “So and so prays all night, but when he wakes up he steals!” So, he ﷺ said: “What you mentioned [i.e. his prayers] will [eventually] prevent him from that.” Or he said: “His prayers will prevent him.” ((Reported by Ahmed.)) Zakah is another example. Allah, Most-Glorified, says regarding zakah: “Take a portion of their wealth as charity [zakah] to purify them and increase them with it.” (Qur’an, 9:103)
6. Always be truthful and avoid dishonesty. This is because truthfulness will guide a person to righteousness, and modesty is a part of righteousness. The Prophet ﷺ said: “You should be truthful, for truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to paradise…” ((Reported by Bukhari and Muslim.))
7. Actively practice modesty on a regular basis so that it becomes a natural disposition. This will require beautifying oneself with patience.
8. See righteous people, intermingle with them, listen to them, and learn from their modesty. Some scholars have said: “Enliven your modesty by sitting with those whom you would feel shameful around.” Mujahid said: “If all that a Muslim benefits from his brother is that his feeling of shame with him prevents him from sinning, then that would suffice him.” ((Makarim Al-Akhlaq [p. 84].))
9. Bring to mind the modesty of the greatest example for mankind, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, and learn about his Seerah and his noble traits. Also, bring to mind the modesty of his companions and their lives, especially the righteous caliphs, the ten given glad tidings of paradise, those who witnessed Badr, and the Pledge of Ridwan, and the rest of the Muhajireen and the Ansar, and those who followed in their footsteps from the people of knowledge and faith.
10. Remove oneself from a corrupted environment that keeps one away from good character. Do not accompany those who show little modesty; befriend righteous people instead. In the Prophetic narration about the man who killed one hundred souls, the knowledgeable man said: “…And who can stand between you and a sincere repentance? Go to so and so land, for you will find people there who worship Allah. So, worship Allah with them, and do not return to your land because it is a land of evil…” ((Reported by Bukhari and Muslim.))

We seek Allah’s forgiveness for every misstep, and for every mistake we made with the pen; and we seek His forgiveness for any words that do not match our actions; we seek His forgiveness for anything we showed or revealed of knowledge despite our shortcomings; we ask that He makes us act upon what we know, for His sake only, and that He places this knowledge on our scale of righteous deeds when our deeds are presented before us. Verily, He is Most-Benevolent and Generous.

Any time the creation deviates from the natural state God designed for it, it is bound for corruption. Any time we take on qualities reserved for other creations, we degenerate and descend in spiritual status. Like cattle, or iron even.

Even though they glorify God, the cattle’s aims in life are to eat, drink, sleep and procreate. They do nothing more, and nothing more is expected of them. As Dr. Mokhtar Maghraoui explains, “Any human whose average life is centered around those things—to eat, drink, sleep, copulate—and works to make more money to eat, drink, sleep, copulate, and to have vacation to get more special types of eating, drinking, sleeping, and copulating, lives the life of cattle.”

That is why God says, “Have you seen the one who takes his own whim as a god: are you to be his guardian? Do you think that most of them hear or reason? They are just like cattle—no, they are even farther astray from the Path,” (Qur’an 25:43-44). The Arabic word for whims or personal drives in this ayah (verse) is “hawa,” which literally means to fall freely. So, the one who follows her desires is in a free-fall that leads ultimately to spiritual death and repercussions in the Hereafter.

Why are these people even more astray than cattle? Because humans have way more potential in this life than cattle do. Humans were created for a loftier purpose of knowing God, filling their hearts with Divine Light, and elevating His word in every sphere of life. They were created to establish, for themselves and for humanity, a God-centered life that promotes spiritual devotion in worship and uprightness and morality in dealings. It is a trust from God that even the heavens, the earth, and the mountains turned down because of its gravity and weighty responsibility (Qur’an 33:72). Yet, if our hearts do not feel and embrace this duty, how will they guide our minds and limbs to fulfilling God’s trust? If our hearts are too busy entertaining our desires and indulging our physical pleasures, how can they beat with passion for this greater mission? They can’t of course, if they’ve become too tough and harsh—like iron.

God says, “[…] We also sent down iron, with its mighty strength and many uses for mankind, so that God could mark out those who would support Him and His messengers, (though) unseen. Truly, God is Powerful, Almighty,” (Qur’an 57:25). Iron’s utilization in making tools, machines, or weaponry is made possible because of its inherent strength and solidity. God designed it this way, and that’s how it provides benefit. At the heart of the same chapter (The Iron), though, God shows us that if the human heart possesses similar qualities to iron, it degenerates into malfunction. He says, “Isn’t it time for the believers to humble their hearts to the remembrance of God and the Truth that has been revealed? And let them not be like those who received the Scripture before them, whose time was extended but whose hearts hardened and many of them were defiantly disobedient,”(Qur’an 57:16).

This is a gentle reproach and warning from our Most-Loving Rabb (Lord). He wants us to regain sensitivity in our hearts so we can feel and live again. He shows us what would happen to our hearts if they continue to be heedless of Him. And right after, He gives us hope: “Know that God revives the earth after it dies; We have made Our revelation clear to you so that you may use your reason (i.e. restrain yourselves),” (Qur’an 57:17). If He can bring life back to the earth, He can certainly infuse our hearts with life again.  What was lost can be regained, and the feelings toward God that withered in the heart can be revived. But it doesn’t come easy; it takes incredible struggle and very patient perseverance!

From one of the Prophet’s ﷺ descriptions of the believer’s heart, we can understand where we want our hearts to be. He said that a believer’s heart is “ajrad,” and it contains a glowing source of light.  This heart is completely free and liberated. It is absolutely empty of anything of the created world in it. It is free of arrogance, envy, delusion, hate, doubt, restlessness, agitation, and attachments to all that is low and base. This heart is filled with love, awe and reverence for the Divine. It sees Divine Beauty and Majesty, and thus it radiates with Divine Light. It is illuminated by the light of knowledge and imaan (faith) that pierces through perceptions and falsehoods. This is a heart that sees things as they truly are!

God says, “Is a dead person brought back to life by Us, and given light with which to walk among people, comparable to someone trapped in deep darkness who cannot escape? In this way, the evil deeds are made to seem alluring to them,” (Qur’an 6:122). For the believer, when Satan adorns a sin, he sees through the deception and illusions. He knows that the act is inherently ugly because the imaan in the heart allows him to feel it. When the dunya (worldly life) tempts a believer with wealth, possessions, and fame, her heart sees that all of it is fleeting, and she longs instead for eternal bliss near the Divine.

The more imaan and knowledge of God there is in the heart, the more illuminated the heart is; and with more light comes deeper vision and more certitude in the realities it sees.  Can you imagine how a person’s actions, manners, and speech would look like if his heart radiated with such light? So angelic, subhanAllah (Glorified is God)! Toward the end of Surat al-Hadeed (Chapter of the Iron), God says, “Believers, be mindful of God and have faith in His messenger: He will give you a double share of His mercy; He will provide a light for you to walk with; and He will forgive you—God is Most-Forgiving, Most Merciful,” (Qur’an 57:28). The Prophet ﷺ would ask for this radiant light as he walked to the masjid: “O Allah, place within my heart light, and upon my tongue light, and within my ears light, and within my eyes light, and place behind me light and in front of me light and above me light and beneath me light. O Allah, bestow upon me light.”

Interestingly, the spiritual reality in the heart also becomes a physical reality in the Hereafter; the light that glows in your heart will be manifested on your face, limbs, surroundings and the path you walk to Paradise! God says, “On the Day when you see the believers, both men and women, with their light streaming out ahead of them and to their right, [they will be told], ‘The good news for you today is that there are Gardens graced with flowing streams where you will stay: that is truly the supreme triumph!’” (Qur’an 57:12). Can you see the glowing beauty emanating from these believers?! O God, please make us one of them!

And it’s not over yet. Incredible events follow! The hypocrites see all the light the believers have, and they want to take some! “On the same Day, the hypocrites, both men and women, will say to the believers, ‘Wait for us! Let us have some of your light!’ They will be told, ‘Go back and look for a light.’ A wall with a door will be erected between them: inside it lies mercy, outside lies torment,” (Qur’an 57:13). The hypocrites can still talk to the believers, so they call out and ask, “‘Were we not with you?’ They will reply, ‘Yes. But you allowed yourselves to be tempted, you were hesitant, doubtful, deceived by false hopes until God’s command came—the deluded one (Satan) deluded you about God,’” (Qur’an 57:14).

It is so scary because these are some of the traits that can taint our own faith and make it incomplete. These are characteristics that can strip our hearts of its Divine Light. We are not immune to having hypocritical traits, and any time the Qur’an or the Sunnah (narrations of the Prophet ﷺ) describe them, we have to assess if our hearts contain similar elements. The same goes for descriptions of disbelief. In this state, for example, the heart is so enveloped with sin that Divine Light cannot even penetrate. The sins suffocate the heart so much that they extinguish that inner light. These are not just sins of the senses, but also of the heart, like arrogance, pride, envy, greed, stinginess, and selfishness. Our hearts as believers may not be completely encrusted, praise be to God, but there might be a layer forming around our hearts that prevents all the rays from entering. We want a clear and uninterrupted flow of light from the Divine sources—and that takes constant polishing and cleansing of our hearts.

That is why frequent istighfar (seeking God’s forgiveness) is so crucial to the spiritual health of our hearts. While sins coat our hearts in darkness, asking God for forgiveness masks the negative effect of our sins on our relationship with God, and on our mental and psychological state. Sins cause pain, suffering, restlessness and agitation—even though we might be so intoxicated with sin that we can’t feel it. Seeking forgiveness quells these feelings; it lifts the weight of the sins off the heart, and uplifts your mind, mood and spirit. Remember that when we sin, we are turning our backs on God and running farther away from Him. Making tawba (repentance) reorients our hearts back to God so that we draw nearer to Him. Both istighfar and tawba purify the heart to make it worthy of an intimate relationship with the Most-Majestic One.

Du`a’ (supplicating) to God is also necessary in healing and cleansing the heart. Not making du`a’ is a sign of arrogance, and the more we do not ask of our Lord, the more arrogant we become. We ask God to protect our hearts from such a state! The Qur’an says, “And Your Lord says, ‘Call on Me and I will answer you:’ those who are too proud to serve Me will enter Hell humiliated.” (Qur’an 40:60). So, let us ask of God in times of hardship and stress, and in ease. Ask Him, the Most-Generous and Most-Merciful, even when you think you got it covered. If you humble yourself in prayer, He will increase you, and bless you and shower you with unexpected gifts.

May God help us taste the sweetness of imaan, and illuminate our hearts and entire being with His Light!

Note: Some points in this article were adopted from Tazkiyah Sessions with Dr. Mokhtar Maghraoui in June 2012.

Originally posted December 2011

I was attending the Friday prayer at a certain mosque once. In the back corner, I noticed two teenage girls sitting side by side, whispering and giggling throughout most of the khutbah (sermon). It was slightly distracting, but nobody made a fuss about it—except one older woman who was eyeing them with anger the entire time. As soon as the prayer ended, she marched toward them and towered over their small bodies. “YOU CAN’T TALK DURING THE KHUTBAH!!” she yelled at the top of her lungs. You could see the utter humiliation on these girls’ faces, as they lowered their heads and peered at all the spectators observing this embarrassing scene. After that woman’s verbal beating, I knew that immediate damage control was in order if these girls were to ever step foot in the mosque again.

It pains me to see how much aggressive behavior is unleashed on fellow sisters and brothers, all in the name of correcting wrongs, or enjoining good and forbidding evil. Islam is not a religion with a strict code of rules that needs to be imposed upon people. We forget that we are dealing with dignified human beings, who have delicate souls, hearts, emotions, and feelings. They are not inanimate objects on a factory belt, where they can be thrown around, cleansed and polished so the perfect ‘halal’ (appropriate) end product pops out. Each person has a unique life story, and every story has its struggles and difficulties; some people might be converts, or are just starting to learn about their religion. Others might not have had parents who taught them Islam, or parents who imposed religious practices upon them until they felt suffocated and constricted. There are also people who feel lost and are searching for guidance, and there are those who committed major sins and want to repent.

All these people have one thing in common: they want to feel love and acceptance. They don’t want to be humiliated or looked down upon. They want to be dealt with patiently, and they want a secure, nourishing environment to grow in. They want to see warm, inviting smiles that draw them closer to God and to the Muslim community. They want kind words of encouragement and support that inspire them to follow the Prophetic way in their worships, speech and character.  The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) never sugar-coated the truth or stopped calling to the way of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). Yet, it was his soft, gentle approach that made his message so palatable and soul-satisfying. The Qur’an testifies: “So, by the mercy of Allah [O Muhammad], you were gentle with them—and had you been harsh or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you. So, pardon them, and ask forgiveness for them and consult them about matters…” (Qur’an, 3:159). Look at the beautiful advice of the Prophet ﷺ: “Make matters easy, and do not make them difficult; and give glad tidings and do not turn people away,” [Bukhari]. He ﷺ also made gentleness a beautifying component of everything: “Gentleness is not in something except that it adorns it, and it is not stripped from something except that it ruins it,” [Muslim].

We give gifts to people because we care about them; it is one of the ways we show love, gratitude or appreciation. We also choose gifts that people enjoy or that would improve the quality of their lives. Can you imagine telling someone: “Hey, I have a gift for you,” and then throwing it in their face, leaving them bruised and not wanting anything to do with you or your gift? Think about our da`wah (outreach) efforts and advice as gifts. We want people to love Allah (swt) more and to develop an overwhelming desire in the heart to please Him so they can be successful in this life and the hereafter.  If we want our gifts to be received graciously—if we want people to pray on time, or to gain the full reward of the Friday prayer by listening quietly, or to cover more modestly, or to quit bad habits—we need to present these gifts more gracefully and adorn them with gentleness and a loving tone. If our goal is to please God, and not to flex our knowledge muscles or put people down to boost our egos, it is crucial that we pay as much, if not more, attention to how we say our words as to what we say.

There is another problem on the other side of the spectrum; some people have such a high regard for people’s feelings that they refrain from giving advice completely. They themselves might be afraid of being rejected, causing conflict, or not having adequate knowledge. They could also feel that they are not in a place to start pointing out other’s faults or mistakes because they themselves are sinful Muslims. Here, it is important to remember the Prophet’s ﷺ  words: “Whoever sees something wrong, he should change it with his hand. If he cannot, then [he should speak against it] with his tongue. If he cannot, then [he should dislike it] in his heart—and that is the weakest of faith” [Muslim]. The Qur’an also says that people are in a state of loss, except for those who “believe, and do righteous deeds, and advise one another to the truth, and advise one another to patience,” (Qur’an, 103:3).

Part of being one Ummah (community) is to care about our brothers’ and sisters’ relationship with our Creator, and to support them in their religious and spiritual growth. Also, the basics of the religion are known, so it does not require much knowledge to encourage good deeds. ((It should be noted that if there is a legitimate, legal difference of opinion among scholars about a certain matter, we cannot rebuke others for following an opinion different from our own.))  Our beloved Prophet ﷺ advised: “Convey on my behalf, even if (just) one verse,” [Bukhari]. There is no denying that actively calling to Allah’s way is difficult. People are generally insecure about their shortcomings, and they do not enjoy having a mirror put in front of them that highlights their blemishes. People might respond to our advice rudely or even harshly, making us feel belittled or dismissed at times. That is a common theme, though, with people who devote their lives to the calling. Look at the stories of the prophets and messengers, and how they endured their people’s criticisms and rejection. They were mocked, ridiculed and physically attacked, but they never quit. The value of conveying the message outweighed the physical or emotional pains that any of them experienced individually.

The key in advising people is to strike a balance. Encouraging God-consciousness and piety is praiseworthy, but it must be adorned with tact, kindness and humility. People need to feel that we care about them and are not just being judgmental or critical. For people to feel that positive, loving energy, we need to be sincerely aiming to please God and wanting the best for His servant-worshippers. It is important to remember that guidance ultimately comes from God. If we plant the seeds in people gently, we never know if and when God will cause these seeds to sprout and eventually bear fruit. The value remains, though, in planting the seeds irrespective of the results. If God utilizes us to bring people closer to His path, and we succeed in treating people with gentleness, mercy and compassion, our reward is secured with God, by His will.

Part I

One of my favorite narratives in the Qur’an describes the incredible story of two great leaders who exhibited deep wisdom and formidable power. They not only had vast affluence and dominion; they also enjoyed loyalty and allegiance from their followers, and had the potential to engage in warfare if necessary. One of these leaders was a prophet, and the son of a prophet and pious king. The other was a noblewoman and queen. It is none other than the story of Sulayman `alayhi as-salaam (peace be upon him), and Bilqees, the Queen of Sheba radi Allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her).

Oftentimes, what comes up when studying this story is the question of the permissibility of female state-leadership in Islam, or the concept of truth and monotheism eclipsing falsehood and disbelief.  While these are important issues to discuss, the purpose of this series is, rather, to highlight some essential qualities of great leadership, as exemplified by Prophet Sulayman and the Queen of Sheba.

You might be thinking: Prophet Sulayman (as) was undoubtedly a great leader, but how was Bilqees? She worshiped the sun instead of its Creator, and completely misled her people! We can recall here, though, that many of the Qurashi chieftains were some of the biggest idol-worshipers (who also committed many major vices) before faith illuminated their hearts. Their transformation shows us that indulgence in evil and sinful acts – even associating partners with God – does not necessarily eliminate the inherent goodness and potential greatness in people. This is truly one of God’s greatest blessings.

Also, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “The best of you in the ‘time of ignorance’ (Jahiliyyah) are the best of you in Islam, if they deeply comprehend the religion,” (Bukhari & Muslim). So, a person can definitely possess noble qualities, even before they adopt the correct religious beliefs. Umar ibn al-Khattab (ra) is a clear example. He was known in the pre-Islamic days for his intellectual fortitude, wisdom, physical strength, and unyielding commitment to truth, justice, maintaining kinship ties, and preserving unity amongst his people. When these moral values and ethical principles aligned themselves with the message of Islam, they bolstered Umar’s strength even further and allowed him to be one of Islam’s greatest supporters and advocates. Hind bint Utbah was also a bold and staunch enemy of the Muslims, and she even had the Prophet’s beloved uncle, Hamzah, killed and mutilated; but after she entered the fold of Islam, she became a fierce warrior who helped prevent Muslim soldiers from retreating off the battlefield.

So, in the case of Bilqees – although we do not have details in the Qur’an about her life after she accepted ‘Islam,’ we can still appreciate the positive qualities in her leadership before becoming a ‘Muslim.’ Also, since some of Bilqees and Sulayman’s leadership traits are complementary, we can view them as part of a comprehensive reservoir of exemplary leadership qualities that can be tapped into depending on the time, situation and environment.

As a final note, the traits to be discussed in this series are not exhaustive. If we were attempting to capture all the great qualities of a leader, we would turn to none other than our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. This series is meant only to bring to light some characteristics that we can glean from the story as narrated in the Qur’an. Interestingly, though, there is a striking resemblance between Bilqees and Sulayman’s collective leadership traits, and those of Prophet Muhammad’s. He is (peace and blessings be upon him), after all, the quintessential leader of all time.

Throughout the series insha’Allah (God willing), some key elements of both Sulayman and Bilqees’ leadership will be discussed, as well as how we can benefit from their example in modern times.

I ask God, the Most Merciful and Generous, to bless this series and make it beneficial for all.

Reconstructing Beauty Series:

According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, Americans spent nearly $10 billion on over 9 million cosmetic procedures in 2011. The latter represents a whopping 197% increase in the total number of procedures performed in 2007. ((Cosmetic Surgery National Data Bank Statistics (2009-2011). <http://www.surgery.org/sites/default/files/ASAPS-2011-Stats.pdf>)) Some of the reasons cited for these alterations were to correct abnormalities, but most were for purely cosmetic reasons.

While the beauty, fashion and entertainment industries make big bucks on selling the newest standards of beauty and physical appeal, we as a society are becoming increasingly dissatisfied with our appearances. We are feeling more self-conscious, more deficient and even less beautiful. Why?

Because we’re being told—implicitly or explicitly— that we are not enough. We’re not good enough, thin enough, or attractive enough; that our skin does not look young or light enough. We are always broken, blemished, or scarred, and we need fixing. There is always a new standard or method for enhancing everything from our skin, hair, lips and nails, to almost every inch of our body—and it’s impossible to keep up. So many succumb to society’s pressure to conform, and they go to great lengths to surgically alter their bodies, inject foreign objects in them, starve themselves or follow strict diets or exercise programs—all in an effort to look more beautiful and desirable.

As my dear sister Jinan explained eloquently in the second article of this series, Islam encourages outward beauty, cleanliness and beautiful dress. We adorn our bodies with nice clothes and maintain good hygiene because this is what God loves. We also do our best to eat healthy and stay fit because our bodies are a trust from God, and because better health gives us more energy to serve God and society better. These are all admirable efforts, when done moderately. What I am addressing here is how we view the natural physical form of our bodies; what we were born with or what developed over time because of genetic influences.

It is important to remember that God is our Maker—He made you the way you are—your unique color, shape, hair and facial features. In His eyes, you are beautiful—no matter what society says. He says, “Surely, we have created the human being in the finest stature,” (Qur’an, 95:4). He fashioned you in your mother’s womb, brought you into this world knowing nothing, and then beautified your heart and mind with faith, wisdom and intelligence. Even before you were born, He honored you; He created your father, Adam, with His Own Blessed Two Hands, breathed His spirit into him, and made the angels prostrate to him out of respect.

Throughout your life, He showers you with beautiful gifts; He provides you with experiences that inspire you, teach you, and make you feel joy, connectedness and love towards Him and others. He gives you a lifetime to invest in the beauty of the Eternal life with gorgeous homes, companions, flowing rivers, and blessings that you cannot even imagine. Now, who could dare touch your feelings of self-worth after that?

Underneath the superficial layers of different physical features, skin colors and types of dress, all of us have hearts and souls that long and plead for the same deep connection with their Creator. As Ibn Al-Qayyim (may God have mercy on him) says, “Truly, in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of God; and in it there is a sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing God and being true to Him; and in it there is an emptiness that cannot be filled except with love for Him and turning to Him and always remembering Him; and if a person were given the entire world and what is in it, it would never fill that emptiness.” ((Madarij As-salikeen))

So no matter how much we alter and reshape our physical form, it will not fill the void in our hearts that is reserved for God. When we follow our desires and the ever-changing whims of creation, we chain our souls down to the lowly, fleeting life—and away from God. But when we connect our hearts and minds to the Eternally Permanent One, Al-Baqi, our souls are freer to draw closer to Him. Reflect for a moment on this hadith (narration) of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him): “Prayer is light; charity is a proof, patience is illumination; and the Qur’an is an argument for or against you. Everyone starts his/her day and is a vendor of his/her soul, either freeing it or bringing about its ruin.” [Muslim]

When our souls are liberated, we see Reality for what it really is; that physical beauty fades, and that the beauty and light of our faith, character and actions are what bring us true bliss and deeply satisfying relationships in this life, along with a more permanent relationship with God and eternal bliss and in the Hereafter. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ would supplicate, “O Allah, as You have made my appearance beautiful, make my character beautiful,” (Allahumma kama hassanta khalqi fa hassin khuluqi).

That beautiful character is in sincere intentions, in our positive attitude, and in a graceful smile. It’s in showing abundant gratitude and forgiveness, in overlooking people’s faults, in giving generously of your love and time to support others, and in treating people with respect, mercy and gentleness. As Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “Gentleness is not in something except that it adorns it, and it is not stripped from something except that it ruins it.” [Muslim]

So, rather than striving to perfect a body that will, one day, end up covered in dirt, how about we turn to what truly matters? Instead of facelifts and breast enhancements, perhaps we ought to focus more on uplifting our faith and morality; and instead of dwelling over fat layers and contemplating liposuction, we might want to work on suctioning the arrogance, pride and anger from our hearts; and instead of eyelid surgeries—yes, those exist—we would prosper more if we considered the virtues of lowering our gazes and turning our faces and hearts toward God’s light and guidance. These are the changes that yield the most beautiful, long-lasting effects in this life and the Next.

“So direct your face toward the religion, with pure faith. This is the natural disposition God instilled in mankind—there is no altering God’s creation. This is the upright religion, though most people do not realize it.” (Qur’an, 30:30)

Allah, the Exalted, says: “Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and day are signs for those of understanding–who remember Allah while standing, sitting and [lying] on their sides” (Qur’an, 3:190-191).

The moments right before you fall sleep are beautifully serene. Everything is still and quiet (hopefully), and all you have amidst the darkness is the radiance of your thoughts and reflections. You might even find the best ideas coming to mind in that relaxed, peaceful state. If you get into bed when you’re exhausted, though, your brain shuts down before you know it, and you don’t remember thinking of anything—even of Allah. The same would apply if you fall asleep while you’re doing something, like watching TV or reading a book.

Think about how you fall asleep every night. What occupies your time right before you fall asleep? If you consider the amount of dhikr (remembrance of Allah) that the Prophet ﷺ did before going to sleep, you’d find that it’s much easier to implement when you consciously choose to go to bed before you feel super tired. More importantly, you’d sleep in a state of dhikr while feeling the meanings in your heart and reflecting upon them, rather than mumbling them mindlessly as you pass out.

Do you know what adhkār (singular of dhikr) to say before going to sleep? I included some for you below, along with their related etiquettes or benefit. These and more can be found in Fortress of the Muslim (on makedua.com), or in Riyāḍ Al-Salihīn.  Try to keep a reference of these by your bedside, and learn one a week, or even one a day if you can. Start with the easier and shorter ones, and then move on to the longer ones. Practice saying them on a nightly basis, and soon enough, you will know (and feel) them by heart insha’Allah.

From the Qur’an:

1. Ayat al-Kursi (Qur’an, 2:255).

Benefit: Whoever reads Ayat al-Kursi when (s)he lies down to sleep will have protection from Allah, and Satan will not come near him/(her) until morning. [Bukhari]

1. The Last Two Ayas of Surat al-Baqarah (Qur’an, 2:285-286).

Benefit: These two ayat will be sufficient for anyone who recites them before sleeping. [Bukhari & Muslim]

1. The Last Three Chapters of the Qur’an (112, 113, and 114).

Etiquette: When going to bed every night, the Prophet ﷺ would cup his hands together, blown into them, and recite the last three chapters of the Qur’an. Then, he would wipe over his entire body (as much as possible) with his hands, beginning with his head and face, and then the rest of his body. He would do this three times. [Bukhari & Muslim]

Other Adhkār and Supplications:

1. “Bismik-Allāhumma amūtu wa ahyā.”

With Your Name, O Allah, I expire and return to life. [Bukhari]

2. “Allāhumma qinī ʿadhābak yawma tabʿathu ʿibādak” (three times).

O Allah, protect me from Your punishment on the day You resurrect Your servants. [Tirmidhi]

3. SubhānAllah (33 times), Alhamdu lillah (33 times), and Allāhu Akbar (34 times).

Exalted is Allah, All Praise is to Allah, and Allah is the Greatest.  [Bukhari & Muslim]

4. “Alhamdu lillāhi’l-lathī atʿamanā wa saqānā wa kafānā wa āawānā fakam mimman lā kāfiya lahu wa lā mu’wī.” 

All praise is to Allah, Who fed us and gave us to drink, and Who is sufficient for us and has sheltered us — for how many have none to suffice them or shelter them. [Muslim]

5. “Bismika rabbī wadaʿtu jambī wabika arfaʿuh fa’in amsakta nafsī farḥamhā wa’in arsaltahā faḥfadh-hā bimā taḥfadhu bihi ʿibādaka’l-sālihīn.”

In Your name my Lord, I lie down and in Your name I rise, so if You take my soul then have mercy upon it, and if You return my soul then protect it in the way You (protect) Your righteous servants. [Bukhari & Muslim]

6. “Allāhumma aslamtu nafsī ilayk, wafawwaḍtu amrī ilayk, wawajjahtu wajhī ilayk, wa’alja’tu dhahrī ilayk, raghbatan warahbatan ilayk, la malja’a walā manjā minka illā ilayk, āmantu bikitābika’l-lathī anzalta wabinabiyyika’l-lathī arsalt.”

‘O Allah, I submit my soul to You, and I entrust my affair to You, and I turn my face towards You, and I totally rely on You, in hope and fear of You. Verily, there is no refuge nor safe haven from You except with You. I believe in Your Book that You revealed, and in Your Prophet whom You sent.’

Etiquette & Benefit: The Prophet ﷺ said: ‘If you take to your bed, then perform ablution as you would for prayer, lie down on your right side, and then say [the supplication above]. Then, if you die, you will die upon the fitrah (natural disposition)—and make these (words) the last of what you say (before sleeping).’ [Bukhari & Muslim]