Events like these reveal or affect our perceptions of Allah. This is why it is even more crucial to get to know God and reflect upon His attributes. If we find ourselves despairing from the mercy of God, we should remember that Allah tells us in a hadith Qudsi (sacred hadith):

“I am as my servant expects me” [Bukhari]

If you believe that Allah is not merciful or wise, all you will find in the world is harshness and senselessness. But when you know that God is the Most Merciful, the Most Wise, and the Most Just, that should change the way we view any trial or tribulation. The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) reminds us in a hadith (saying of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ):

“Wondrous is the affair of the believer for there is good for him in every matter and this is not the case with anyone except the believer. If he is happy, then he thanks Allah and thus there is good for him, and if he is harmed, then he shows patience and thus there is good for him.” [Sahih Muslim]

God has decreed good in everything, even in what appears to harm us, if we show patience.

Tribulations in the Qur’an

Allah explains to us the meanings of different hardships in the Qur’an. He says,

“And We tested them with good and bad that perhaps they would return.” [Qur’an, 7:168]

“Do they not see that they are tried every year once or twice but then they do not repent nor do they remember?” [Qur’an 9:126]

“And We test you with evil and with good as trial…” [Qur’an, 21:35]

“Corruption has appeared throughout the land and sea by [reason of] what the hands of people have earned so He may let them taste part of [the consequence of] what they have done that perhaps they will return [to righteousness].” [Qur’an 30:41]

“And we will surely let them taste the nearer punishment short of the greater punishment that perhaps they will return [repent].” [Quran, 32:21]

“And We showed them not a sign except that it was greater than its sister, and We seized them with affliction that perhaps they might return [to faith].” [Qur’an, 43:48]

“[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed…” [Surat al-Mulk, 67:2]

Some hardships could be punishments. Others are tests. Others uncover hidden blessings (such as in Surat al-Kahf, which we will discuss). Sometimes it is a combination of all three, and other reasons we may not be aware of, too.

The ultimate reason for hardship is not something that any human being can say for sure. We can speculate in order to reflect on our personal actions and change what needs to be changed. But that is about it. The true reason is in the knowledge of God.

Yet, the spiritual effect of a hardship on us, though, should not be speculative. Regardless of what the true cause of a hardship is, we see a pattern. Throughout the Qur’an, Allah allows people to be exposed to these hardships so that they and we may return, as well as in order to show who of us will be best in deeds.

The truth is, there may be a different purpose for each individual. Here we will focus on how we should conceptualize hardships and the actions that we can take.

Punishment? And Return(ing) to Allah

Time and time again, Allah tells us that one of the reasons that we are exposed to hardships, trials, and the “lesser punishment” is so that we can return to Him.

We tend to interpret punishments in this world as though they are the final judgment – that the punishment brands us as eternally unworthy or bad or evil. And this is why we may become resentful or despair when someone suggests that a hardship could be a punishment. If it is indeed a punishment – it may not be – the fact that you are alive means that it is not the final judgment; far from it. Every new day is an opportunity for good deeds. If Allah gave you life it is in order to increase in your good deeds. The punishment is simply a consequence of the bad action, to alert us as well as to purify us, and the punishment comes from the Most Merciful and the Most Wise; this means that there is a purpose. He is also al-Halīm (the Forbearing), meaning that He is not hasty in His punishment nor rash. If what is happening is indeed a punishment, it did not come out of nowhere. But it is far from a final judgment; rather it is a wake-up call.

Allah wants us to reflect on our actions and return to Him, as He states so many times in the Qur’an. Without this hardship, many of us may have continued being heedless. It is ultimately a mercy because reacting with patience and returning to Allah raises our station, and by the grace of God averts the greater punishment on the Day of Judgment.

So what does returning to Allah look like? If we know that we are doing something that we should not, it looks like trying to leave that sin and seeking forgiveness. It looks like making more time for devotional acts. It looks like being kinder towards others. It looks like still turning to God in hope even after we have faced a calamity.

One of the reasons why a tribulation being described as a punishment makes some despair is because some people are already truly doing what they can. If this describes you, maybe the hardship is not a punishment at all. Perhaps it is something else.

There is another purpose.

Hardships and Tests: Perseverance and Forgiveness

Allah says that we are tested with both good and bad. Part of the purpose is returning to Him, and it is also for raising our station. The Prophet ﷺ said,

“Nothing afflicts a Muslim of hardship, nor illness, nor anxiety, nor sorrow, nor harm, nor distress, nor even the pricking of a thorn, but that Allah will expiate his sins by it.” [Bukhari/Muslim]

Any discomfort that is met by patience and turning to Allah results in expiation of sins. A person who is faced with such trials may even meet Allah with no sin at all. The Prophet ﷺ said, “When Allah loves a servant, He tests him,” [Tirmidhi]. Why? Tests mean a forgiveness of sin, and of the person turning to Allah more. The Prophet ﷺ also reminds us:

“I am amazed by the believer. If he is granted goodness, he praises Allah and is grateful. If he is afflicted with a calamity, he praises Allah and is patient. The believer is rewarded for every matter, even lifting a morsel of food to his wife’s mouth.” [Musnad Ahmad]

Moreover, when we are in difficulty, we are reminded to turn to Him and call to Him with all our heart. Indeed, trials remind us of our need for Allah, causing us to turn to Him with utmost sincerity. They remind us of ultimately who is in control, of the temporary nature of this world, and working for the hereafter. Thus, if we find ourselves hard hit by this tribulation, we should know that Allah is with us throughout this struggle. We should talk to Him, telling Him our fears and our hopes, and asking for His mercy.

The Best Deeds

Another reason is to see who will be doing the best deeds. Does hardship bring out the worst in us? Do we lose hope, hoard, and only look out for ourselves? Or are we hopeful in God, generous in giving, and actively look for those who need help so that we can be there for them?

The truth is, this global situation is affecting each of us in very different ways. Some may be suffering economically and maybe lost their jobs; others may be stuck in accommodation with someone abusive. On the other end of the spectrum, some may have only had to make simple lifestyle changes. So the “best deeds” look different in each situation. If you are particularly affected, the “best deeds” may be taking care of your family, or continuing to go to work if your field requires it. For those who are minimally impacted, the best deeds may be to provide relief for those who are truly suffering. The Prophet ﷺ tells us:

“The most beloved people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to the people.” [Sahih]

He ﷺ also said,

“Whoever walks with his brother regarding a need until he secures it for him, then Allah the Exalted will make his footing firm across the bridge on the day when the footings are shaken”. [Sahih]

The question remains: who will we be in this crisis?

Averting greater hardships

In Surat al-Kahf, we are told the story of al-Khidr damaging the boat, as well as the death of the child of two righteous people. What appears to be a “bad thing happening to good people”, we later discover, actually averted a greater calamity. For the people of the boat, it averted having their boat completely taken from them by a tyrant king, who only wanted boats in a good condition. This is something that is not discovered until later on, even though in the moment, the people must have been dismayed. As for the parents whose child died, this is probably the most devastating thing that can happen to a parent. But Allah tells us that it averted the greater calamity for these two good people: that of seeing their child become an oppressor. This blessing and wisdom in this situation will not be seen until the Day of Judgment, where they will ultimately be reunited with their child in Paradise.

Collectively, maybe the lowering of pollution levels due to the quarantines will help to avert or delay a greater environmental calamity hitting. Maybe governments that did not believe in providing basic necessities for people will rethink their policies. Individually, perhaps losing our job will open the door to a better one. Perhaps being forced to stay with family whom we do not have a good relationship with force us to make amends. Perhaps the perseverance and faith we exhibit during these trying times are what make us of the people of Paradise. These could all be part of the purpose, but we will not know until later, and until actually going through the hardship.

May we be of those who face hardship with patience and gratitude, who react to punishment and tests by returning to Allah and making amends, and those who receive the bounty and love of the Most Merciful.

anchor.fm/faithspacemj

A few years ago, in April of 2010, I wrote some reflections on the volcanic ash cloud that had erupted, causing plane travel to halt worldwide. At the time, I was supposed to be visiting London, but our flight was cancelled at the last minute.

At the time, it seemed crazy that a volcano erupting in Iceland could literally bring the world to a halt. But it was a time for reflection on the things we take for granted, the power of Allah, and focusing on the truly important things.

In the midst of this Corona epidemic, I started thinking back to that standstill, and the current one we are experiencing. Thinking about it now, we were not as attached to our phones then (did Instagram even exist?), and while it is easy to distract ourselves with a constant stream of messages and stories, there are bigger lessons we should be taking. While everyone is dealing with it in a different way, I started thinking of the spiritual messages we should be paying attention to. Below are some reflections.

Turn to Allah

In this age of distraction, focus and mindfulness are endangered species. While if this had happened 20 years ago we would be forced to reflect or at least have moments of reflection, our Instagrams, Twitter, and Whatsapps are beeping off the charts. We wake up to messages and fall asleep to them, and the quarantine has made us depend on them more since we use them to communicate with people we would otherwise be seeing in real life.

When the Companions of the Prophet ﷺ experienced anything that appeared out of the ordinary, they turned to Allah. Everything was considered a sign and opportunity to reflect on Allah’s power and on ourselves. It is no coincidence that we have a specific prayer during an eclipse, supplications for witnessing the new moon, and prayers for when we are ill (and so much more).

Perhaps this period of social distancing and self-isolation is so that we can find times of solitude to be with Allah. If we are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, this is the time to put the phone away and pray to Allah, express to Him our stress, and ask for His help.

Indeed, Allah is al-Rabb (the Lord), al-Samad (the Eternal Refuge), and al-Wakil (the Trustee).

I’m linking here to the Sweetness of Prayer Series and the Names of Allah series, only because we all need a place to start, and there is no better way to turn to Allah than through knowing Him and turning to Him in devoted prayer.

Quran
Most of us have likely heard of the saying “When you want to talk to Allah, pray, and when you want Him to talk to you, recite the Qur’an”. We can take some time in the morning or before bed to recite the Qur’an, and if we are busy taking care of kids who are out of school, we can listen to Qur’an. Sheikh ash-Sha’rawi in his book of tafseer (commentary on the Qur’an) quoted a beautiful statement of Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq, who he said was the most knowledgeable of the secrets of the Qur’an:

“I am amazed at the one who has been afflicted with fear, and he does not flee to the Words of Allah:
‘Sufficient for us is Allah, and [He is] the best Disposer of affairs’ for verily Allah has said after it
‘So they returned with favor from Allah and bounty, no harm having touched them.’ (Qur’an, 3:173-174)

And I am amazed at the person who is afflicted with sadness, and he does not flee to the Words of Allah:

‘There is no deity except You; exalted are You. Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers,’ for verily Allah has said after it
‘So We responded to him and saved him from the distress. And thus do We save the believers.’ (Qur’an, 21:87-88)

And I am amazed at the person who is afflicted with betrayal and deception by people, and he does not flee to the Words of Allah:

‘I entrust my affair to Allah. Indeed, Allah is Seeing of [His] servants’ for verily Allah has said after it:
‘So Allah protected him from the evils they plotted, and the people of Pharaoh were enveloped by the worst of punishment.’ (Qur’an, 40:44-45)

And I am amazed at the person who is afflicted with sickness, and he does not flee to the Words of Allah:

‘Indeed, adversity has touched me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful,’ for verily Allah has said after it:
‘So We responded to him and removed what afflicted him of adversity. And We gave him [back] his family and the like thereof with them as mercy from Us and a reminder for the worshippers [of Allah].’” (Qur’an, 21:83-84)

The Qur’an is a true reminder of what is truly important, and a comfort to the hearts.

Istighfar (seeking forgiveness)  

The companions (may Allah be pleased with them) and the righteous that came after them regarded everything as a sign of Allah; and thought that perhaps it was their sins that caused these disasters to affect them. They would repent and seek help from God. Seeking forgiveness from Allah allows us to reflect on our states, seek to rectify ourselves, and take our actions more seriously. It lifts the burden of the mistakes we carry on our shoulders, and brings us closer to Allah.


Social Distancing and Social Care

While it is imperative for people to practice social distancing, it is even more important to check up on people. Maybe your pantry is full, but is your neighbor’s? And even wider than that, healthcare and other workers need our help. We should be considerate of how we use facilities or expose ourselves and others to risk. Finally, if we are fortunate enough to be able to donate, we should do so in order to get much needed help to those who need it. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Good works protect from evil fates. Charity in secret extinguishes the wrath of the Lord, maintaining family ties increases life span, and every good deed is charity. The people of good in the world are the people of good in the Hereafter, and the people of evil in the world are the people of evil in the Hereafter. And the first to enter Paradise are the people of good.” [al-Mu’jam al-Awsaṭ 6252]

Du’a  

Du’a is an expression of need and trust. We are told:
“And your Lord says, ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you.'” [Surat Ghafir, 40:60]  

This is the time to turn to Allah and ask Him with all of our hearts. I pray that you are all healthy and well, and may we use this time to truly do what is important.

Over the last few days, several institutions and mosques asked me about suspending juma prayers due to the CoronaVirus. AMJA has an excellent paper written on the subject that offers clear advice. I encourage folks to read it. More importantly, however, I encourage people to stay in touch with their local public health providers, Imams, and fiqh councils.

That being said, I thought to share some justifications from religious texts and scholarly works for suspending large gatherings, Jumu’a, and even the congregational prayers, during this difficult time. This is no simple matter. Years ago, in Boston, we had to suspend Jumu’a because the state government asked us to. Decisions like this are sensitive, but I hope the logic of Islamic law on this issue is clear.

Suhaib Webb

A Foundational Principle

A primary principle of Islam is that “preventing harm takes precedent over the acquisition of benefits.” For that reason, alcohol and gambling are prohibited, even though Allāh recognizes their benefits:

يَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْخَمْرِ وَالْمَيْسِرِ ۖ قُلْ فِيهِمَا إِثْمٌ كَبِيرٌ وَمَنَافِعُ لِلنَّاسِ وَإِثْمُهُمَا أَكْبَرُ مِن نَّفْعِهِمَا ۗ وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ مَاذَا يُنفِقُونَ قُلِ الْعَفْوَ ۗ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمُ الْآيَاتِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“They ask you about alcohol and gambling. Reply that in both is a great sin, and a benefit for people, but the sin is greater.” (Quran 2:219)

The Books of Usūl al-Fiqh

In the books of Usul Al-fiqh (foundations of jurisprudence), we find dispensations for things when there is a threat to the health and well being of people:

Imām’ Izz al-Din ‘Abd al-Salām explained this dispensation when he wrote,

فصل في بيان تخفيفات الشرع، وهي أنواع: منها تخفيف الإسقاط: كإسقاط الجمعات والصوم والحج والعمرة بأعذار معروفات
The section on shari’a dispensations and their types. One is the dropping of an act, like congregational prayers, fasting, hajj, or ‘Umra due to a shari’a approved reason.” (Qawa’id al-Ahkam fi Masalih Al-Anam, Vol. 2, Pg. 9)

Thus, there are times when acts can be modified to prevent considerable, often public, harm.

Illness and the Threat of Illness

Ibn Rushd mentioned a consensus that Illness allowed people to miss congregational prayers:

أما المتفق عليهما: فالذكورة، والصحة، فلا تجب على امرأة، ولا على مريض باتفاق
What scholars agree on is that gender and health determine if a person should attend prayers. Thus the consensus is that Juma is not an obligation upon women and the sick.” (Bidaya al-Mujtahid wa Nahaya al-Muqtasid, Vol. 1, Pg. 224)

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم excused those who were sick from attending congregational prayers:

مَنْ سَمِعَ الْمُنَادِي فَلَمْ يَمْنَعْهُ مِنَ اتِّبَاعِهِ عُذْرٌ لَمْ تُقْبَلْ مِنْهُ تِلْكَ الصَّلاةُ الَّتِي صَلاهَا” قَالُوا: مَا عُذْرُهُ ؟ قَالَ: خَوْفٌ أَوْ مَرَضٌ
“Who hears the caller to prayer, but finds no excuse not to respond, his prayer that he prayers (alone) will not be accepted.” The companions asked, “What is an ‘excuse.'” He responded, “Fear or sickness.” (Al-Sunna al-Saghir, Hadith 241.)

Fear of Potential Harm is Recognized by Islam

An axiom states,
ما اقترب الشيء يعطى حكمه
When something is near to something, it is given the latter ruling.

And,
الظن الغالب معتبر شرعاً
A strong assumption is considered in Shari’a.

I say that because the most excellent defense against this disease is social isolation. Public health experts in China, Italy, and other parts of the world discourage large gatherings, and as of now in Italy, the entire country is under quarantine. Thus, in this situation, legitimate fear of sickness, based on the opinions of experts, should be treated as sickness, especially with such a contagious virus. This is the advice of experts in the field. It’s a pandemic.

Today, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, testified before congress,

“We would recommend that there not be large crowds. If that means not having any people in the audience as the NBA plays, so be it.”

Commands & Capacity

It is well known that the orders of Allah and His messenger are conditioned on ability.

Allah says,
فاتقوا الله ما استطعتم
“Be dutiful to Allah as best you can.” (Quran 64:16)

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

وَمَا أَمَرْتُكُمْ بِهِ فَأْتُوا مِنْهُ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ
“When I command you do do something, do it to your ability.” (Bukhari in his Sahih and Muslim)

A Mistaken Notion
I’ve heard some folks contend that this is “not a big deal; I’m young, and I’ll be fine.” While that may be true, the danger is that a person may be asymptomatic, but he may engage with or sit next to older people, or he may even infect a younger person who has elders at home. Our approach to this virus should not be rooted in selfishness. It is going to take us as a community to defeat it, inshallah.

If You’ve Tested Positive
First, lots of prayers and thoughts your way. I ask Allah to cure you and make this a means of your forgiveness. Second, it is not allowed for you to attend community events or congregational acts of worship.

The Fatwa Council of Iraq wrote,

“It is not allowed for a person who tests positive for the virus to attend public gatherings such as the Friday prayers and congregational prayers. He should pray at home on in isolation until he is cured.”

And, The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

لا يُورَدُ مُمْرِضٌ على مُصِحٍّ
A sick person should not mix with a healthy one. (Bukhari in his Sahih collection)

Inshallah, this pandemic will continue to grow, so I suggest suspending jumu’a and other large gatherings as well, especially if public health officials warn against them, and of course, if local governments request the same. This answer rests on the shoulders of those two entities, as well as local Imams, local fiqh councils and leadership. It is essential to engage them and heed their advice. My hope here was to show the leeway and mercy Islam provides in this situation.

Allah knows best,
Suhaib

Reconstructing Beauty Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

A Clarification on Beautifying Gender Relations Within the Community

Co-ed Love for the Sake of Allah? Part 1 | Part 2

Photo: Pictoscribe

I was standing next to the grave, supplicating quietly to Allah for the man we just buried. He was a family relative, loved by many alhamdulilLah (praise be to God). As I stood there, a few other women came and also started to supplicate. They spoke aloud in a low voice, “We never heard anything but good from you or about you, so we ask Allah to accept all your good deeds and forgive your sins, and accept you into Paradise…” I was touched by something in this moment. I didn’t know them personally, we didn’t exchange words but I was taught by their example. They displayed the most beautiful adab (manners) of brotherhood and sisterhood for their deceased Muslim brother, who was not directly related to them. Subhan’Allah (glory be to God), when the heart is pure, the “rules” emanate naturally without effort. Everything in their manner, speech, and conduct was modest, respectful and filled with noble love.

The code of inter-gender relations comes from this noble kind of love. It is generous in giving, while conscious of Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala (exalted is He). It is full of haya.’ Haya’ is sometimes described as ‘shyness’, but misunderstood to mean a desire to hide, to be nervous, overly self-conscious, and unable to communicate. This is not the meaning of haya’ and it’s a real shame that men and women are sometimes taught social anxiety in the name of haya’. Haya’ comes from consciousness of Allah (swt)—that a servant of Allah would feel too “shy” to commit an open and indecent sin in the presence of the Most High, that they feel humbled in the presence of the Creator, so they honor His creation. The believer is not a show-off for any of their blessings. Rather they are grateful, and hope to use their many gifts in the service of their Lord. One of the most graceful ways to serve Allah (swt) is by serving and honoring His creation, in the manner that He approves. This is our code as brothers and sisters.

“The believing men and believing women are allies of one another.” (Qu’ran, 9:71)

The 10 Principles

1. Be sincere in your interactions.

The Prophet ﷺ (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) taught us, “Truly, actions are according to their intentions.” ((Bukhari)) All interaction with God’s creation is a reflection of our interaction with the Creator. When a person truly relies on God and seeks Him first and foremost, they let go of the need for approval from others and seek it only from Him (swt). As a result, the way they work with others has to do with God’s approval, not that of others. When we deal with the opposite sex, it’s important to make sure we are not *needy for some form of approval from them, and especially the kind that should only be sought from a spouse (ie: sexual attention, seeking their admiration). However, God loves for us to love and respect our brothers and sisters. If we’re seeking God’s approval in our interactions then we open our hearts in a noble way towards one another with the best of manners. Facial expressions, body language, tone of voice and the general energy brought into interactions should be respectful and professional. One who is sincere in seeking only Allah’s approval and not wanting something from the people will find it very natural to follow the rest of the guidelines.

What this looks like in person: Imagine you’re speaking to a boss, a professor or perhaps an older individual in the mosque. In most situations, even if you were buddies with that person, you’d still have a level of respect in your interactions with them that would be different from your friend at school. Do the same thing when you interact with someone of the opposite sex. It doesn’t mean you need to be cold. You need not be overtly rude or intimidating. If you are typically a really humorous and laid back person, you don’t need to radically change your personality so that the person/people you’re with don’t laugh. Just be yourself in a professional and courteous way.

What this looks like online/social media: Be mindful of your online conversations and avoid saying what you would feel uncomfortable having your parent or someone you respect overhear. Question your intentions before commenting or messaging. Only you and God know if what you’re doing is for the right reasons. This is one of the most powerful and dynamic limits of Allah (swt) because it actually builds your confidence. The habit of checking and renewing the intention develops a foundation of sincerity between you and Allah, and of good-will between you and His creation.

2. Make your interaction purposeful and professional.

There’s an Islamic legal maxim that states, “The origins of things is permissibility.” In other words, unless there is something that is expressly prohibited when it comes to interactions and worldly issues, it is allowed. However, when it came to the issue of gender relations specifically, some scholars used a different maxim: “The origin of inter-gender interactions is impermissibility, unless expressly permitted.” In other words, inter-gender interaction, unless there was an absolute necessity, major benefit attained, major harm prevented, or something not considered harmful in a particular cultural context, would generally be avoided.

These scholars also cited the principle of sadd al-tharee’ah—that whatever leads to a prohibited act in and of itself becomes prohibited. In this regard, cultural context becomes increasingly important. This is because in some cultures, specific actions may be misunderstood as an invitation to something prohibited, while in others, it is simply a respectful interaction.

As an example, a polite joke about the weather with the cashier at a grocery store is seen as neighborly small talk in the United States but can be understood as flirting in a different cultural context. For this other culture, scholars may consider the polite joke prohibited because it would lead to un-lowered and lustful gazes and conversation that points to something more. But to apply the latter understanding to our context in the west would be a great disservice. Here, the action and words do not imply sexual interest in the least, but rather is received as acceptable, polite conversation. And even in the same context, to overdo it leads to a misapplication of the law and the creation of a sub-culture that is foreign to the spirit of Islam. Shaykh Al-Rasuni mentions that the overextension of the legal principle sadd al-tharee’ah can create extremism and turn perfectly halal situations into haram ones. ((al-Raysuni, Ahmad)) So it should be applied with care, lest we turn Islam into something it is not.

If you look at both approaches—“The origin of interactions is allowed except what is prohibited,” and “the origin of interactions is prohibited except what is allowed”—they both lead to the same conclusion: Interactions should be purposeful, there should be a reason that is not suspect according to a particular culture, there are limits and it is not a complete free-for-all.

What this looks like in person: The on-campus Muslim Students Association (MSA) holds a meeting to discuss an upcoming event. There is purpose in their reason for coming together. They do not have to robotically and mechanically only ask “yes” or “no” questions, sticking to a script to ensure every word has a specific purpose. There can be polite small talk in asking about each other’s schoolwork and checking in on each other’s families. Now again, things go back to intention (point 1). On the outside things can be purposeful, but if on the inside things are not, it leads to Allah’s displeasure. A brother can tutor a study group of brothers and sisters for a class they are taking in college together in a noble way. He can also do so to enjoy the attention and admiration of the sisters and use that space for his own desires. On the outside no one may notice the difference, but on the inside Allah (swt) always does. A blessed interaction is both purposeful on the outside and pure on the inside.

What this looks like online/social media: Keep it purposeful and professional. No need to play online games with someone of the opposite sex. No need to start private conversations or comment in an over-relaxed, joking manner on posts or pictures.From emails, the messaging on social media, SnapChat, etc.—don’t do anything that you would be ashamed to do in front of someone you love and respect, like the Prophet ﷺ. Know that Allah (swt) sees you above all, and wants your honor and integrity to be protected.

3. Cover your ‘awra (nakedness).

In short, the ‘awra of men is from their naval to their knees. However, it is highly encouraged for men to cover beyond this. In other words, it’s not modest to show up without a shirt or a super tight one and skinny jeans, exposing a brother’s form. For women, even in the most lenient opinions, the minimum that should be covered is everything but the face, hands, and feet, in loose, non-form fitting, opaque clothing. Traditionally some scholars allowed kuhl and powder as allowable make-up, and some allowed the plucking of eyebrows in our times. There are opinions that are much more encompassing, but deliberately being shared here is the base minimum for anyone interested in following a valid scholarly opinion within our tradition.

An important point of clarification is needed here. When we think of a woman’s public dress in Islam, the Prophetic understanding was that it was a level more modest than that of men. There is an incident where the Prophet ﷺ gives a companion a thawb (dress) and later sees that companion and asks him why he does not wear it. The companion says he let his wife wear it. To this the Prophet encourages him to tell his wife to wear something under it because he fears that her form would show if she wears it without a layer under it (the way a man would). In other words, the ‘awra of a woman requires an additional standard of looseness. ((Kuwaiti Encyclopedia of Fiqh, `awra’))

Now, what does that mean for men and women struggling to maintain these general dress guidelines? Does that mean they should not be permitted into Muslim spaces when the opposite sex will be present, nor organize campus or community events? Absolutely not! All should be welcome; all of us struggle with different aspects of our worship and this is simply one that’s more obvious because it’s outer. Principle number 4 means each of us are responsible for what we see. At the same time, even if one does not normally cover the full ‘awra, when it comes to sacred spaces such as the Masajid as the Houses of Allah, we should make an extra effort to wear our most God-pleasing clothing there, as a way of showing extra deference to our Creator. This is not an act of hypocrisy; it’s an act of respect. This is simply an explanation of guidelines while recognizing each person has their own journey, struggle, and varying abilities to perform. The scholars also differentiated between `awra ghaleetha and `awra khafeefa: that some body parts or more `awra’ than others. A person may try to grow gradually in their dress hoping to ease the path toward following all its guidelines.

A couple of critical points to take into consideration:

A. Hijab for women is not about Men.

When Muslim women are asked why do they wear hijab, the simple answer is, “Because God asked me to” not “Because men asked me to.” Hijab is about Allah (swt) and submitting to His will and trusting His way. It’s an incredibly spiritual act especially today because you must strive to remove the desire for human approval completely in order to practice it well. Allah (swt) says, “that is purer for you.” Hijab is a purification. For some, hijab may help purify the tendency towards vanity. For others, it is simply a constant physical reminder that our goal in life is to please our Creator. The experience of hijab for many is described as “liberating” and “a divine gift” as it encourages us to recognize our own spiritual and intellectual center, and compels us to honor, even celebrate this most sacred part of ourselves as we deal with the world.

B. Hijab is not meant to erase physical beauty, but honor it.

What happens if a woman covers herself appropriately, and people still feel tempted by her or are attracted to her? Beauty is not a woman’s ‘fault’, and she is not asked to hide because others can’t control their feelings. Rather, they must lower their gaze and purify their thoughts.

Ibn Abbas said: “A beautiful woman, from among the most beautiful of women, used to pray behind the Prophet ﷺ. Some of the people used to go to pray in the first row to ensure they would not be able to see her. Others would pray in the last row of the men, and they would look from underneath their armpits to see her. Because of this act, in regard to her, Allah revealed, “And We have already known the preceding [generations] among you, and We have already known the later [ones to come],” (Qu’ran, 15:24). ((This hadith is found in ibn Majah, Abu Dawud, Tayalisi, Baihaqi, Ahmad, Tirmidhi, and Nasai and it is judged SAHIH by Albani. He includes it as #3472 in his Silsilat al-Ahadith as-Sahih))

In this incident, Allah (swt) does not reveal that a barrier be put up to block off the view of the women’s side. He does not ask the woman to not come to the masjid. She is not told to wear niqab. She is not asked to pray in the last lines. Allah is addressing the men and these are verses revealed after the command of hijab was in place. Allah is telling them that He knows what is in their hearts. Hijab is not to remove all beauty from a woman. Rather, it is to let her define her sense of beauty by donning the dress and character that pleases God.

4. Lower your gaze.

God commands the believing men and women to lower from their gazes in the Qur’an. ((Qur’an 24:30-31)) The imperative word here is “from.” Scholars have commented that looking at each other in and of itself is not prohibited, for if it was the word “from” would have been omitted in the command. However, the command indicates there are some gazes that are not allowed, and this based on Prophetic guidance includes the lustful gaze as well as looking at what is considered ‘awra. Yet, it is common practice for men and women in Muslim activist settings to avoid looking at one another directly in the eyes or in the face, and they are dressed modestly. Some scholars have mentioned that this is praiseworthy as a form of respect. However, in the greater western context, not making eye contact is usually considered awkward and can be seen as distrustful and in an instance like this, we can take our general cultural custom to inform the way we interact within the aforementioned Islamic boundaries.

What this looks like in person: Therefore, in general, the best way to fulfill this requirement is to simply avert your gaze specifically if you find yourself attracted to someone, not to check anyone out, and to avoid looking at certain areas of the body you should not be looking at anyway—most especially if they are uncovered. Otherwise, it’s permissible to simply look a person in the eyes politely when having a conversation. This applies both inside of and outside of Muslim spaces.

What this looks like online/social media: When you put up a picture on social media, be cognizant of what other people are seeing. And if you wouldn’t make a crazy duck face or show certain body parts to a person of the opposite sex in person or look at those things in person, do not post that type of picture or send that picture over SnapChat or stare at those pics if they’re sent to you (which, btw, why are they being sent to you?). Do not deliberately spend time staring at a picture of someone of the opposite sex without purpose. When commenting on a picture—even if it’s of the same gender—avoid statements such as, “Hey sexy!” or “Hot!” especially when you know that person has friends of the opposite sex who will also see those pictures and those comments in their newsfeed.

5. Keep it public.

The Prophetﷺ taught us “…Satan is the third person in an isolated area (khalwah) where there is only a man with a (non-mahram) woman…” (Ibn Al-Atheer – Sahih).

This narration indicates that being alone with one person of the opposite gender who is not a direct relative (mahram) is prohibited in Islam. Being alone constitutes any space which is locked and opaque, or open but totally isolated.

What this looks like in person: In person: Meet in public spaces. Whether it’s in the library or an off-campus café, make sure your professional organizing happens in a public space and at an appropriate time. Even in a public space, a suggestion is to bring a respectful third person or a group of people to make sure you and the other person are not the only ones together, as a way of maintaining a professional environment. This also changes a bit as you grow in different life stages.

If you’re in high school and working on a project, you should definitely bring other people along if you meet outside of school in a café or somewhere informal. If you’re in your fifties and you’re meeting to discuss masjid board policy away from the masjid, meeting in a public space should be sufficient without needing “chaperones.” Imams, for example, have office hours at the masjid, and leave the door open or open their blinds so others can see in, if the door is closed to protect confidentiality. For non-Imams and work spaces, if what you need to meet about is private, like needing crucial advice, simply meeting in a public space should be sufficient as long as you’re both aware of being respectful and keeping things professional. If you can bring a third person who can sit somewhere nearby who is not able to hear the conversation, consider this option. This is not to suggest you and the other person meeting together, in a public space, are going automatically to do something lewd if you don’t. It’s simply to protect your hearts, words and yes, long-term actions, from going down the path of regret—and instead allow both persons to engage each other in a way that inspires true respect and noble love for Allah (swt).

What this looks like online/social media: When applicable, have a third person involved. For example, if you are a female organizing an event and you are emailing a male, yet you know that another male or female is also involved in that specific aspect you’re emailing about, then simply include them in the conversation. Some people when they have to work closely with someone of the opposite gender, simply let them know that they have given their email password to their spouse or trusted sibling, in order to allow everyone to feel like the door to the room is open rather than locked. Others choose to make phone calls when they’re around people and the person they are calling is aware of that fact. The point isn’t to constantly have yourself monitored, it’s really to just build a repertoire between one another in your interactions. By not feeling fully alone together, the relationship remains fraternal and professional.

6. Protect your reputation.

At the outset, it must be stated that the concept of a reputation is misused at times. Sometimes, parents do not allow their daughters specifically to do certain things that they consider immodest or immoral within a specific cultural context due to a fear of what others may say about them. This sometimes causes young women to feel angry and frustrated and often blame Islam for being restrictive when in reality, it’s a specific concept their family has about what is and isn’t appropriate. Misusing the concept of protecting one’s honor has negative and unnecessary ramifications. And yes, people should make 70 excuses for what they see or hear about others. However, at the same time, there is a place in Islam for protecting our reputation and not putting ourselves in situations where another believer may feel concerned about us.

What this looks like in person: This is exactly what the Prophet ﷺ did when walking with his wife Safiya radi Allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her). Someone saw them and the Prophet ﷺ said, “This is Safiya!” They were surprised and said, “Prophet of God! We would never think you had a girlfriend or something like that!” The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Yes, but Satan travels through people like blood through the body.” ((Bukhari)) The Prophet’s ﷺtechnical circumstances were halal but he wanted to make sure it was clear and not misunderstood.

What this looks like online/social media: The unfortunate reality of a sister or brother having an inappropriate or unnecessary online relationship has repercussions. For example, with an MSA brother, a sister may become a counselor-like friend and sometimes falls for the brother. The brother sometimes though, turns to her not because he wants to marry her, but because he perhaps enjoys that relationship with a female without having to commit to her and at times, may lead her on. On the flip side in another example, a sister may enjoy informal, intimate conversations and a certain brother’s attention; she may not be interested in marrying him, but enjoys the relationship and may sometimes lead him on. In both scenarios, the sister and brother may get a reputation for being easily used, desperate or whipped. Brothers and sisters: this is about respecting yourself enough that you do not allow yourself to be put in suspect situations that can harm your well-being and reputation in your specific context.

7. No touching.

The Messenger ﷺ stated, “It is better for an iron rod to be driven into the head of a man, than for him to touch a woman who is not permissible for him.” (Mu’jam al Kabir) Though the word ‘touch’ here is understood by some scholars to be a euphemism for fornication, generally the principle is applied for all unnecessary (non-medical, etc.) touching, as derived from the Prophetic biography.

God tells us, “And do not come near unlawful sexual intercourse.” Not touching is a preventative measure as to what can come that’s greater. The Prophet ﷺnever shook hands when he took the Pledge of Aqaba from the female companions, though he did with the men. This shows at the very least that touching, even by shaking hands with the opposite gender, is not generally encouraged. There should be no casual high fives, no hugs, no physical interaction between sexes who are not closely blood related or married. Not even if you’re “promised” to one another and going to be married soon. Unless you have your written marriage contract (known as the “katb al-kitab” or “`aqd” or “nikah” in different cultures and sometimes considered an engagement after the contract is signed), no physical touching should happen.

But what about shaking hands in our specific context,, as a known form of greeting and professionalism?

Consider Shaykh Yusuf Qaradwi‘s and Shaykh Abdullah bin Bayyah‘s discussions on the issue. His allowance, with caveats, must be read and understood, as it provides an alternative to the typical discussion on prohibition. If you choose not to shake hands, make sure you politely decline with class and creativity. Ensure it’s done in ways that would help hearts feel closer to you rather than turn away in aversion.

8. Be respectful of people’s personal space and levels of comfort.

We deal with different Muslims from different backgrounds. We do not want to impose our gender interaction cultural norms on them. We should try to engage them with what is comfortable for them, without giving up our own rights. This is just basic consideration for how others feel, male and female. Once the Prophet ﷺ even changed the way he was sitting out of his consideration for the modesty of Uthman (ra):

Aisha reports: The Prophet ﷺwas lying down in his house with his thighs or his calves exposed. Abu Bakr asked permission to enter and was permitted while the Prophet ﷺ was in that position and he came in and spoke with him ﷺ. Then, Umar asked permission to enter. He was granted permission and came in and spoke with him ﷺ while in that position. Then, Uthman asked permission and the Prophet ﷺ sat up and straightened his clothing. He was then permitted and came in and spoke with the Prophet ﷺ. After he had gone, Aisha said: Abu Bakr entered and you did not get up for him or worry about him and Umar came in and you did not get up for him nor worry about him but when Uthman came in, you straightened out your clothing! The Prophet ﷺ said: “Should I not be shy of a man around whom the angels are shy?” (Muslim)

This is a true act of love for Allah (swt), and such consideration for the comfort levels of the other should be practiced across genders as well.

What this looks like in person: Some people from other countries or ways of thinking do not talk to unrelated members of the opposite sex for any reason (unless an absolute emergency) and are even uncomfortable giving salam (greetings of peace). In our western context, scholars have encouraged men and women to spread the salam to build a sense of support and community especially as a religious minority. Generally speaking, it is praiseworthy to initiate the salam and an obligation to respond to it, ((Qur’an 4:86)) regardless of gender, unless you have good reason to believe it would be understood as flirtatious to do so. If you know someone is uncomfortable, do not put them in an awkward situation—even with something as simple as the salam. At the same time, a man from such an environment may feel uncomfortable with women in the same prayer space and want them to leave. For this, women should ***not*** be expected to leave because of someone else’s discomfort; women should take their Islamic right to worship in the House of God. In this example, it is the other person who needs to practice consideration of her rights.

Another example is to not stand too close to each other when you are talking. If you can smell their breath, shampoo, or deodorant then you are standing too close. If someone takes a step back everytime you take a step forward, then realize they prefer a bigger gap between themselves and you and stop inching forward.

What this looks likes online/social media: If you friend request someone of the opposite gender on Facebook and they don’t confirm, respect their privacy. If someone always CCs a third party when they email you, try to reply all and respect that. When we treat each other with nobility, it fosters trust.

9. Speak in a decent manner.

Perhaps there is no single behavior that more clearly defines our manners than speech. Allah (swt) has many commands about speech in the Qur’an. Its content should be good and decent (2:235). Its tone should be straight-forward (33:70). It should not be made soft on purpose (33:32). It should not be loud and arrogant (31:19). There should be no vain or excessive speech (23:3).

This is interesting as 90% of communication is non-verbal, and most perception comes from our tone of voice. And nothing affects tone of voice like intention. When the intention is good, speech is naturally unaffected and straight-forward, good in both content and delivery. The best way to examine our own hearts sometimes is to use our speech as a window to ourselves so we can ask, “What is going on inside?”

What this look likes in person: Speech is normal. This may appear humorous but as a dear sister once asked, “Why didn’t anyone just tell us to be normal?” In her situation, she was working and wanted to make da`wah (call to Islam) to her co-workers by showing how friendly and extra helpful a Muslim can be. Slightly sheltered in her upbringing, she went out of her way just to be very excited and supportive all the time and it was unfortunately understood as something else. Her version of ‘nice’ was over the top. She realized later that co-workers of the opposite gender, according to the advice of the Human Resources department, simply were to engage each other in a straight-forward, ‘normal’ way which is what Islam encourages anyway. Her speech was simply a mistake; but others actually make the mistake in their intention too. Don’t deliberately try to use an attractive sounding voice, don’t deliberately laugh and giggle for the purpose of drawing flirtatious attention, don’t extend conversations endlessly just to stay in the presence of another person. In other words, just be normal!

What this looks like online/social media: Don’t flirt, don’t be excessive in praise, or dismissive and disrespectful in joking. Use language that you wouldn’t feel shy of the Prophet ﷺ witnessing, knowing Allah (swt) always does.

10. Ensure your circumstances are safe.

One of the conditions for allowing women’s travel alone is safety and ensuring the place of stay. In general, for both men and women, Personal Safety (life, health) in itself is considered one of the greater objectives of Islamic Law. Keep in mind, two people don’t need to be in complete isolation for it to be unsafe.

What this look likes in person: If you’re a sister, going to a brother’s apartment, or a brother going to a sister’s apartment to study for example, even if it is shared with others—that is unsafe. Going into a public parking lot that is empty to get class notes at an odd hour of the night is unsafe. The point is, whether man or woman, be smart about where you meet, choose an appropriate time, and ensure it’s in a safe space.

What this looks like online/social media: Do not put personal information like where you live on your Facebook or other online site. If you’re “checking in” somewhere online, let it be somewhere public and attended by people. For example, if you are at the beach when it’s deserted at night, do not “check in” live on sites or social media where your location can be tracked by strangers, or even people you don’t know well.

________________________

Finally, the pursuit of marriage is the reason many young people get involved in relationships or put themselves in situations they later regret. Marriage is a noble intention, and should be pursued nobly. A guiding principle is the ends don’t justify the means in Islam. The space of Islamic work may be a place where people meet potential spouses, but the work should not be used as an excuse to get attention under the guise of being interested in marriage. Once a person realizes their interest in marriage towards someone is a sustained interest, they should take a respectful and responsible approach. That means, be like Musa, `alayhi as salaam (peace be upon him), and talk to her family. Or be like Khadijah (ra), and talk to a reputable friend, preferably married, who can find a tactful way to recommend you. It is permissible to approach the person you’re interested in directly, specifically if you know that’s their personal preference as well since not everyone has a supportive or present family. However, make sure it’s done with respect. When you’re respectful in both means and method, you can pursue your intention for marriage through its blessed path, and continue your Islamic work/volunteering on its own blessed path.

Inter-gender relations can be tricky, but remember: Just be normal! With the right intention, with purpose, and with efforts to try our best with the general guidelines God has revealed for our work together, we can focus on ensuring that our relationships lead to benefiting ourselves, our families, our societies and the world at large, with God’s will.

It is hoped that this inter-gender relations summary be of service to brothers and sisters everywhere. May Allah (swt) ennoble our character, manners, and disposition with what pleases Him most. May He allow us to practice both the spirit and letter of His guidance for us. May He forgive our many shortcomings and mistakes. May Allah increase us in His remembrance, gratitude, guidance, and beautify our worship. May He accept from us all. Ameen.

The Masjid

Across the United States masajid (mosques) have expanded in physical size, improved mass communication via websites and social media accounts, begun to offer live-streaming for Friday khutbas (sermons) online, and have improved women’s prayer areas. But in recent times, many imams have left their posts, leaving communities and trend followers to speculate and ask, “Why?” Was it the imam’s ego or a salary dispute or are they just becoming too impatient?

No, this wave of resignations is a symptom of a greater problem: while incoming imams treat their position as a profession by becoming increasingly qualified, the masjid board has not taken the same strides in becoming trained in non-profit management. Those who run the masjid and supervise the imams’ affairs are still volunteers with, generally speaking, no expertise on how to manage non-profit organizations.   As a result, the operational structure of the masjid is not equipped to manage the imam, the other employees, or to draft and execute long-term plans with a vision for the changing needs of the community. Masjid reform must take place to not only bring stability by retaining their imams but by also allowing for future growth, and attracting Muslims of all backgrounds and ages.

To analyze the surge in recent Imam’s resignations from masajid large and small, it is important to understand the dynamics between the masjid board, the imam, and the community.

The Board

A typical board is elected for a specified number of years, where elected members take on various responsibilities: Chairperson, President, Financial Officer, Secretary, and so on.  The staff of the masjid goes on to include the imam, sometimes multiple imams or religious directors, administrative staff, and other support employees. At the end of the day, all of the above staff report to the board.

Boards usually manage the day-to-day affairs of the masjid. These duties and responsibilities are noble and to be commended. The question to be asked remains: If a community is made up of hundreds or even thousands of congregants, what is the guarantee that the most qualified people are elected to manage the masjid? Those five, ten or fifteen that are chosen to represent their masjid, are they equipped to understand all of the needs and nuances of their constituents? Are they trained in management or in human resources so as to interface with the imam and the other staff in the most effective manner?

The masjid is, by definition, a non-profit organization, and rarely do the doctors, engineers, and business people who are voted onto the board have backgrounds in non-profit management. While these volunteers are to be commended for their countless hours of dedication and sacrifice, it is time the community recognizes that the non-profit organization that we call the masjid cannot thrive on the limited expertise of individuals from random professions. These realms are completely different. A multitude of certifications and degrees are offered in various aspects of non-profit management, so individuals with the above expertise should serve on the board.

Allah the Most Merciful tells us in the Qur’an in the second half of the ayah (verse) below: “…And ask those who have knowledge, if you do not know.”

Surah Al Nahl 16:43

The Imam

The same level of expectations in terms of expertise is also necessary for the Imam. An Imam should have a grasp of the Arabic language, have certified training as a religious scholar which includes understanding the complex sciences of tafsir (Qur’anic exegesis), hadith (narration), and Islamic jurisprudence (fiqh). In addition, many imams have supplementary degrees in social sciences, history, Middle-Eastern studies, etc. The ability to connect with the community and to understand its needs are crucial in supporting the diverse make-up of the masjid’s constituents.

The demands upon the Imam are very high. Supporting the community in times of distress such as providing counseling on marriage, divorce, domestic violence, death, drug use, suicide, etc. are just a few of the Imam’s responsibilities. The imam also shares in the celebrations of the community, conducting weddings and attending aqeeqahs (birth celebrations) and ameens. In addition, the imam represents not only the masjid, but the greater Muslim community at political events, interfaith circles, and in social justice arenas.

The imam sacrifices his time with his own family with the intention of serving the community and pleasing Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). This is not a position of wealth or glamour.

The Board, The Community, The Imam: An Unbalanced Equation

The dynamics between the board, the masjid’s constituents, and the imam has many nuances. Let us explore these relationships:

The Community-Board Relationship

Often times the board is an ear to the constituents’ wants, needs, and likes/dislikes. This is a healthy relationship that helps to ensure that the board is indeed representing their community. One of the pitfalls, however, is when the ear is filled with opinions from friends or acquaintances of a few board members that become magnified as a major issue. “Where was the imam at this time?” or “Why was the prayer time changed?” or “I didn’t like the khutba.” Imagine if only friends or acquaintances get the ear of the board, and they happen to be those with complaints that do not reflect the overall effectiveness of the imam. The result would be a skewed impression of how well the Imam performs.

Do other community members know when and how to contact the board if they have a concern or a word of praise? What about when there is a conflict with the imam? Is there a mediation process involving professional mediators or a group from the community? Does the community know about problems before the imam feels compelled to resign? Regrettably, the answers to these questions are often “no.”

The Board-Imam Relationship

The Board, and most often the Chairperson or President, in particular, is the imam’s boss. In some masajid, imams as employees are given formal, written evaluations. How are these evaluations made? Are there general surveys sent out to the community after prayer or via email? Who evaluates the board? No one does. The community at large does not know the details of individual board member actions. Written evaluations are a one-way, subjective process, in which, out of all the employees of the masjid, only the already over-burdened imam is scrutinized.

The board has by-laws that protect the masjid and the board itself, but who is there to protect the imam? If there is a conflict between the board and the imam, who is there to defend or represent him?   A meeting with the board can turn into a five-on-one intimidating process, with the Imam being the “one.”  And psychologically speaking, it is natural for any group of individuals working together to develop “group thinking” where it is difficult to understand any reasoning other than that of the group, or in this case, the board. As a religious director or imam, who is already burdened with the problems of the community, and of society at large, he has the added responsibility of being his own lawyer when negotiating for his rights at the masjid.

A position at the masjid, as previously mentioned, is not one that people enter into for glory. Thus there needs to be an inherent level of trust in the imam, especially after years of proven performance. When hours at the masjid are being questioned, it is a sign of an inherent problem – a lack of trust and/or of an understanding of what it means to be an imam.   Expecting the imam to spend his over 60-hour work week at the masjid is not practical. As one great imam and scholar stated, “A five minute reminder can take five hours of preparation.” Aside from off-masjid activities, countless hours of preparation for speeches and khutbas (Friday sermons) are spent at home. In addition, fielding phone calls, and tending to crises of the community at individuals’ homes or at the hospital are also time spent away from the masjid.

The Imam – Community Relationship

The imam deals with various constituents either through private counseling sessions, or through general contact at the masjid.   Although the imam has a close relationship with the community, most of its constituents never contact the board about their satisfaction with the imam. Instead, most feedback regarding the imam comes from only a handful of individuals with complaints about the minutia of masjid affairs. As a result, what true knowledge does the board have of the community’s satisfaction with the imam?

Conclusion

There is a disconnect between the immense relationships that the imam has within the community he serves and the board’s perception of the imam’s performance. As a result of this disparity, the board is readily willing to exert their power in enforcing their micromanaging demands without being mindful of the ensuing effect their unreasonable pressure will have on the imam. Despite the imam’s love for the community, he finds himself having to choose between continuing his post at the masjid and saving his own sanity and that of his family. In addition, the board may be shocked by a resignation, yet no consideration was given to the fact that imams are human and there is only so much difficulty in dealing with the board that the imam can handle before becoming soured to the system.

And that’s the point: one can endure temporary problems, differences of opinion and conflicts arising from within the masjid. However, when the religious director or imam understands that the system will never change, that is, the system of having a new, volunteer boss every one to two years who has no experience in non-profit management, who is going to come down with their own style of management, with their own opinions about what the imam should be doing, it is difficult to sit tight and think, “one day this may change.”

I encourage a healthy discussion between community members, masjid officials and our religious leaders to come to a practical solution. May Allah (swt) guide us all and make the masjid a place welcome for all, including the imams.

Originally published in November 2011

Question: Is marital rape allowed in Islam?

Answer: As salaamu alaykum,

Thank you for asking this important question which has come to the fore in recent times, and which has been the cause of confusion for many people. Here are some important points to take into consideration when learning about this issue:

• It is absolutely haram (unlawful) for a man to harm his wife. The Prophet ﷺ prohibited harming others in general,¹ and intensified that prohibition for harming other believers.² If one is taught to hold ordinary people – with whom one shares no special relationship – in such sanctity, then what of the person one is linked to in the “weighty, serious bond” of marriage (Qur’an 4:21); who is one’s “garment” (2:187), and who lives under one’s ri’aaya, care and shepherdship, as mentioned in a prophetic tradition?³ Allah has described marriage as a relationship of kindness, mercy and love (30:21), and commands men to deal with their wives in an honorable way (4:19). Rape, abuse, ill treatment, and inflicting harm – be it physical, verbal or psychological – are completely unacceptable in such a relationship.
• It is true that the contract of marriage grants a husband the right to intimacy with his wife, and vice versa, however, this does not imply that one can seek to obtain this right violently or forcefully. Just as in any situation in which one has been deprived of one’s due rights, one must go through the proper channels to resolve the matter in a just and honorable way. At no time does it become permissible for someone to take it upon themselves to harm the other party in a misguided attempt to ‘take their right’. This would amount to a type of vigilantism or seeking of personal vengeance that has no place in Islamic tradition, in which we are taught to defer such disputes to those with religious and legal authority. This is clearly indicated in the words of the great scholar Taqi al-Din al-Subki, in his commentary on some verses of the Qur’an related to marriage:

“At the time when it becomes obligatory for a husband to provide financial support, clothing, (and other such provisions) for his wife, he should exert himself in doing so, and not be negligent in this duty such that his wife would have to file a complaint of his negligence with the judge [haakim], and in so doing spend from her own expenditures. …Similarly, a wife should be responsive to her husband’s request for intimacy, such that he would not need to bring a complaint (against her) to the judge, and in so doing spend from his own expenditures.”⁴

From these statements we see that a husband’s or wife’s proper recourse, when confronted with a marital issue they are unable to resolve, is to turn to the appropriate authority for guidance and direction. Violence or force of any kind is not an option.

• People often defend such behavior by citing prophetic traditions that strongly discourage women from refusing their husbands if they approach them for intimacy. While these texts underscore the importance of a wife fulfilling her spouse’s sexual needs (a reminder the Prophet ﷺ gave to men in a number of statements as well,⁵) they cannot be used to justify force. One such text goes on to describe the husband as one who, after being refused, “goes to bed angry.”⁶ If it were truly acceptable for a man to force himself on his wife, why wasn’t such an act mentioned here as a viable alternative to his wife’s refusal?
• Some people also seek to confuse this issue by citing the verses in the Qur’an that outline a disciplinary method of dealing with a wife who is nashiz.^{7 8} These verses are probably among the most misunderstood, misused and misapplied of the Qur’an in our times, and must be understood in their proper exegetical context. Since an in-depth explanation of these verses is beyond the scope of this article, it will be sufficient to state that darb – which is often translated as ‘to strike lightly or tap’ – has been strictly defined by our scholars and has numerous restrictions and conditions.⁹ From among them is that it is done in a manner that would not cause humiliation or harm to the person, and that it is only done when it is a means of helping reconcile between the spouses, and is not a cause of resentment, enmity or hatred between them.¹⁰ It is impossible for such verses – whether looked at lexically, exegetically, or otherwise – to be used to excuse violent or forced sexual relations with one’s wife. Dr. Jamal Badawi succinctly rejects these types of false claims by stating,

“Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any Muslim can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Qur’an or hadith). Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on the person(s) himself, as it shows that they are paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true Sunnah of the Prophet.”¹¹

• Though marital rape would not warrant a hadd punishment¹² in accordance to Shari`ah, this in no way means that such an act is acceptable or that it would go unpunished by an Islamic court. Some people mistakenly believe that the hadd punishments are the only ones that exist in Islamic law, but that is not the case.  Even if an act does not fall into one of the specified categories for hadd punishment, a qadi [judge] still has the right to punish the person with imprisonment, corporal punishment (lashing), or anything else he deems suitable for the situation, the crime committed and the guilty individual (which is called zajr or ta’zeer).¹³ Some scholars even state that a wife who has been assaulted in such a manner by her spouse has the right to jirah, or civil redress, for her injuries.¹⁴
• Some scholars condemn such an assault as sinful and despicable while at the same time deeming it inappropriate to be labeled as ‘rape’. This is because of the presumption of consent implicit in the legal contract of marriage. It is important to note that such statements are not intended to condone the behavior, but are simply an expression of legal exactness. When taking such a case into consideration, scholars would not base a punishment on the sexual act itself, but on the harms, both psychological and physical, that stem from it. Such an assault – however it is labeled – is still considered by scholars to be unacceptable, sinful, and susceptible to punishment.
• If a man finds his wife unreceptive to his overtures of intimacy, he should put in some effort to be attentive, affectionate, and kind to his wife, and to fulfill the numerous recommendations the Prophet ﷺ made in regards to intimacy. Such problems may also be symptomatic of deeper issues in the relationship that need to be resolved. One should always take an introspective, constructive, and proactive approach to dealing with problems, focusing first on how one can change one’s own behavior to improve the situation, instead of simply blaming the other party or seeking to ‘punish’. It may also be necessary to seek counseling and advice from others who have expertise in these matters.
• An individual who engages in assault and abuse of any kind, especially towards family members, shows signs of underlying psychological problems that need to be treated. There is no level of frustration, anger, or overwhelming grievances – no matter how legitimate they may seem – that pardons such dehumanizing and callous behavior.

I hope these points have shed some light on this issue, and have made it clear that marital rape is not allowed or condoned by our deen, and is in fact a sinful act that a person can be held accountable for in this life, before the hereafter. In the very first verse in the chapter of the Qur’an entitled “Women”, Allah Most High warns us to be fearful of Him in demanding our rights upon each other. He in fact warns us to be fearful of Him twice in this verse, a sign of the seriousness with which we should take such matters:

“O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from a single soul and created from it its mate, and dispersed from both of them countless men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you demand your mutual rights, and (reverence) the wombs that bore you: Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.” (Qur’an, 4:1)

In conclusion, the Prophet ﷺ taught, “Only a noble man treats women in an honorable manner and only an ignoble man of low character treats women disgracefully.”¹⁵ May Allah make us people of noble character, who fear God in our dealings with others and who weigh our deeds and words well before they are weighed for us on the Day of Judgment.

Allah knows best.

Few scholars (and yet many “religious” Muslims) claim that women scholars should not teach mixed gatherings openly as men scholars do and that if she does she should do so behind a curtain. It is also suggested as evidence against this that women should generally stay at home and that her face as well as her voice is of her nakedness (`aura), and they shouldn’t be seen or heard! For those who came to Islam or latched on to it because it is generally so practical and reasonable, you are probably thinking, well, that is ridiculous. The following article will show the strong scriptural refutation most scholars would make against such claims.

The discussion is mainly based in the commentary and juristic interpretation of surah al-Ahzab (Qur’an 33). Surah al-Ahzab is themed contextually with many verses over a few pages which address the pronoun for the feminine plural. These are always referring back to “the wives or women of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) (أزواج أو نساء النبي)” whereas the word “female believers (مؤمنات)” is only used once at the very end of the context in the verse enjoining the modest covering of Islam which is customarily referred to as Hijab in English. This can be confusing because the “verse of Hijab” is not referring to the modest clothing; rather it was an injunction for us to ask the wives of the Prophet ﷺ from behind a curtain when visiting their homes.

The first occurrence of the feminine plural pronoun is in dealing with the Prophet’s wives desire for extra wealth and provisions. God tells them that if they desire this worldly life then the Prophet should divorce them whereas if they want the Hereafter then that is the reward for exceptional Muslims:

“Dear Prophet, tell your wives that if they want this life and its adornments…” (Qur’an, 33:28).

The next time the pronoun appears, it is referring back to a specific warning against the wives of the Prophet ﷺ from sexual immorality which will bring a double punishment.

“Dearest women of the Prophet whoever among you would commit adultery…” (Qur’an, 33:30).

The next verse with the plural feminine pronoun makes the case in point of the whole issue!

“Dear wives of the Prophet, You are not like any other women. If you are to be pious then do not speak in a soft sweet tone which could lead a person with a diseased heart to get the wrong idea. Live in tranquility in your homes and don’t make a spectacle of yourselves as the women did before Islam…” (Qur’an, 33:32-33).

This verse is clearly denoting the special status of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ and how they carry a much more specific and cautious ruling. As we saw in the previous verses, the deeds of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ carry double the impact and so naturally the law carries double the seriousness. There are clearly unique rules to the wives such as the fact that they do not inherit from the Prophet ﷺ, no man can marry them after, and according to many commentators and jurists, they should stay home and if visited, they should speak from behind a curtain.

The surah then goes into the generality of spiritual equality between women and men, and then goes into a page and a half of other matters clearly moving away from the specificity of either the wives of the Prophet ﷺ or the women believers.

It picks back up admonishing the Prophet ﷺ and his wives about the general rules of their relationship and again we have reference to the plural feminine pronoun again referring to the Prophet’s wives.

“Dear prophet, We have permitted you to be with your wives to whom you have given the bridal dowry…” (Qur’an, 33:50).

Immediately following that is the “verse of the Hijab”. Let us look at the verse and see who it was referring to and the scholarly difference of interpretation and what may have led to such difference while it will probably seem plain and evident to most readers.

“Dear believers don’t hang around the Prophet’s house hoping to be invited for a meal. If you are invited, then go and eat, but don’t linger around too long afterwards hoping to talk as that often annoyed the Prophet and he was shy to tell you to leave. God is not shy to say the truth. If you ask them (feminine plural), then do so from behind a curtain. That is purer for your (masculine plural) hearts and theirs (feminine plural). You must not annoy the Prophet nor should you ever marry his wives after he passes. Indeed these are of the most serious of affairs to God.” (Qur’an, 33:53)

Three verses later, the surah reveals the injunction for the modest covering women are to wear and God felt it necessary to specify the wives of the Prophet ﷺ, his daughters and all the believing women so as to leave no doubt about its legislative intention.

“Dear prophet, tell your wives, your daughters and the believing women to cover their entire bodies with clothing…” (Qur’an, 33:59).

This was the last verse in the surah using the plural feminine pronoun in which we see all previous verses specifying that to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ.

Interpretations of the Verse Regarding Staying at Home

As you can see, the context and linguistics is addressing the wives of the Prophet ﷺ, although some scholars said that it should address all other female believers as well since they are our example. They said it is similar to the verses which address the Prophet ﷺ. On the other hand, other scholars held the position of the specificity of the text to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ as both a specific admonition and to clarify their special status.

Prominent Classical Commentaries

Al-Tabari (310) — Indicates that the verse about staying in the house except for need is for all women. He narrates many narrations of circumstances in which the verse of Hijab was revealed all of which indicate it is specific to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ. He does mention one opinion of Qatada that it was for all homes to have a curtain between strange men and the women of the house. Ibn Kathir follows Imam al-Tabari’s commentary.

Ibn Atiya (546) — Makes no mention of the verses being general for all women rather his commentary follows the natural linguistics which are specific to wives of the Prophet ﷺ.

Ibn al-Jawzi (597) — Makes no mention of the verses being general for all women rather his commentary follows the natural linguistics which are specific to wives of the Prophet ﷺ.

Imam al-Razi (606) — Makes no mention of the verses being general for all women rather his commentary follows the natural linguistics which are specific to wives of the Prophet ﷺ.

Al-Qurtubi (671) — Indicates that the rulings are general for all women.

Al-Nasafi (710) — Makes no mention of the verses being general for all women rather his commentary follows the natural linguistics which are specific to wives of the Prophet ﷺ.

Imam Al-Sutooti (864) — Makes no mention of the verses being general for all women rather his commentary follows the natural linguistics which are specific to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ.

Ibn Ashoor (1393) — Actually makes the point that the verses are specific to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ when speaking about things which the believing women weren’t generally commanded to elsewhere in the Qur’an. He states that it would be noble for a believing woman to follow them, but she is not obligated to.

Related Hadiths

Ibn Hajar, radi Allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him), narrates the hadith in his commentary on al-Bukhari — This verse stay in your homes is in reality specific to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ since Umm Salamah used to say: “I won’t be moved by a camel’s back until I am reunited with the Prophet,” (al-Fath 3561).

It is also narrated in most of the historical commentaries how after the verse of Hijab was revealed, Umar saw Sawdah (ra) — the wife of the Prophet ﷺ— walking around outside for some reason and asked her why she is outside. She went and asked the Prophet ﷺ about Umar’s rebuking her and he responded: “God has permitted you to go out if you need to,” (Muslim 2170).

It is also narrated in many sound narrations that after the loss of the Battle of the Camel led by A’ishah (ra), she would cry when reading the verse about staying in the house.

Is a Woman’s Face of her Nakedness?

In Sura al-Noor men and women were commanded to lower their gaze since the face is apparent. So if that is to be a proof for men not watching a female speaker then that would also prevent women from watching a male speaker. The vast majority of the scholars say that the face and hands of a woman are not from her nakedness, but should still not be stared at. In commenting on this verse many commentators particularly from the Hanafis say that the injunction to lower the gaze is understood at the moment of desire. If there is no desire then the verse is inapplicable. Others said that the restriction is lightened in professional interactions like buying and selling or teaching etc.

Is a Woman’s Voice of her Nakedness?

Hanafi’s: Ibn Abideen Al-Darr Al-Mukhtar: “Like her face and hands, her voice is not of her nakedness.”

Maliki’s: Hashiyat al-Dasooqi: “It is said that the women’s voice is not of her nakedness since we have so many female scholars of Hadith. It can only be of her nakedness if a man is attracted by it so then it would be disliked to listen to it.” It is the well-established opinion that her voice is not nakedness as mentioned by al-Adawi.

Shafi’ee: Majmoo al-Nawawi: “It was said that Al-Qadhi Husain was asked if the woman’s voice is of her nakedness and he answered that both opinions are found in the school, but that the more correct is that it isn’t.”

Hanbali: Insaaf al-Mardawi: “It is the more correct opinion that the voice of a woman is not of her nakedness.”

Dr. Su’ad Salih the previous Deen of Islamic Law at Azhar University says the there is nothing wrong with a female scholar teaching a mixed gathering since it is well established that great women scholars of the past did so. There is nothing in the scripture that would prohibit a modest woman of knowledge and character to preach to the masses. She states that the fact widows were commanded to stay in the house for mourning is evidence that generally they may leave the house. She similarly negates the claim that a woman’s voice is of her nakedness since the Qur’an did ask us to ask the wives of the Prophet ﷺ behind a curtain thus hearing their voice. She also reminds us that there were thousands of female scholars of hadith and fiqh who taught many men. The verse does not prohibit all speech; rather it forbids a sweet soft toned voice that may be seen as attractive:

“…If you are to be pious then do not speak in a soft sweet tone which could lead a person with a diseased heart to get the wrong idea.” (Qur’an 33:32)

Dr. Husam al-Farfoor and Dr. Abdul-Hameed al-Ubaydee, both professors of comparative jurisprudence in Syria and Iraq as well as the great scholar Muhammad Al-Didow al-Shanqeeti agree with her fatwa.

Part I | Part II

A distant relative found out about my offer and told me, “Man, you should take it! Any girl will accept you [for marriage] with that kind of cash… You can buy her the biggest rock and throw the nicest wedding party.” After thinking about it, I have the following reflections to share.

In Islam, we all know that the man should be financially capable of getting married and able to support a family. However, that does not translate into a dowry or lavish and extravagant wedding that becomes a burden for the couple getting married. There is a lot of pressure from our families and communities to “go all out” on a wedding, spending beyond our limits – an act that displeases Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), especially when we attempt to please others so that they can praise us.

Alhamdulillah (praise be to God), many brothers I know can afford to get married and have a beautiful wedding celebration. They all have great incomes and are content. Brothers in my network always remind each other to make the Prophetic du`a (supplication): “O Allah, we ask you for beneficial knowledge, blessed wealth, and accepted actions.” They do not ask Allah (swt) for more wealth, but ask Him to bless what He gave them and to make them content. They refuse to submit themselves to the marriage industry – materialism and pressure for an overly expensive and complicated marriage process – when Islam has made marriage easy. A man (or couple if they decide) should put on a wedding they can afford, a wedding that will be beautiful and welcoming for their guests.

There is so much pressure and unbelievably unrealistic expectations from our communities and families to put on an extravagant wedding (or if already married, to live outside their means) to the point where some brothers may resort to making money that is haram (impermissible), or if not inherently haram, obtained in a haram way (i.e. lying, cheating, etc.). All this for what? This extracts blessings from a marriage or relationship since there are no blessings in the wealth of the family. In fact, a haram income or the mismanagement of money can cause a family to deteriorate because the center of such a relationship is money and pleasing people, rather than pleasing Allah (swt), and Him alone. Living a financially balanced life within our means is one of the characteristics of `ibaad ar-Rahman – those who worship The Merciful (Qur’an 25:67). Do you not want you and your spouse to have this honor?

Many brothers are more concerned with taking care of their future wife and the family they will raise than with putting on an unaffordable lavish wedding, or living an unsatisfying materialistic lifestyle. Many brothers want to have a nice wedding, but at the same time focus on the marriage. There is a difference.

To my dear sisters – do you want to know a secret that is exceptionally attractive to a man? A content woman, wholeheartedly satisfied with what Allah (swt) provides and with what her husband is working hard to earn, sincerely appreciative of his hard work to take care of her. A real man, attracted to this, will spend even more and happily on her and the family, rather than resentfully, regretfully or hesitantly if the wife is insatiable. This is only natural, because Allah (swt) promises more to those that are sincerely grateful in their hearts.

“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.'” (Qur’an 14:7)

We often forget what the definition of a man is. The Arabic word for a man is “rajul” and is derived from “rijil”, or leg. By a basic linguistic definition, a man is defined as one who is able to stand up on his own two feet – to be responsible, independent and to support others.

If a couple is starting out their lives together, they should build it together. That relationship is built starting on day one, even before the wedding. As for parental financial support, this is obviously permissible, but I personally believe that the parents’ financial support should be minimal. The man, as long as he is financially stable, will gift a woman with a dowry he can afford and put on a wedding that he can afford, without any help except the help of Allah (swt).

My dear brothers and sisters, if a prospect does not accept you for who you are and is not content with what you have to offer as a person, then you have your answer as to whether this is the right person for you.

May Allah (swt) guide us to what pleases Him, preserve the Muslim relationships, grant all the single people pious spouses, protect us in this world and honor us with Paradise, where the real party is at.

If you are a good person God will protect you from money that will only cause you harm. There is an interesting story found in Rabi` al-Abrar of al-Zamakhshari and later al-Mustatraf of Baha’ al-Din al-Abshihi wherein Imam `Ali (عليه السلام, peace be upon him) displays a prudent lesson in choosing whether your income is through good or evil.

(ودخل علي بن أبي طالب ـ رضي الله عنه ـ المسجد وقال لرجل كان واقفا على باب المسجد: أمسك عليّ بغلتي، فأخذ الرجل لجامها، ومضى وترك البغلة، فخرج علي وفي يده درهمان ليكافىء بها الرجل على إمساكه بغلته فوجد البغلة واقفة بغير لجام، فركبها ومضى، ودفع لغلامه درهمين يشتري بهما لجاما، فوجد الغلام اللجام في السوق قد باعه السارق بدرهمين، فقال علي ـ رضي الله عنه: إن العبد ليحرم نفسه الرزق الحلال بترك الصبر، ولا يزداد على ما قدر له.)

`Ali bin Abi Talib radi Allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) approached the Mosque and said to a man who was standing at its gate, “Please hold my mule for me.” So the man took it by its bridle, but then walked on leaving the mule behind.

`Ali came out of the Mosque with 2 dirhams (silver coins) in his hand so that he could compensate the man for holding his mule. But he found the mule standing there without its ornamental bridle. So he climbed the mule and rode on.

He gave his squire the 2 dirhams to go buy another bridle. The squire found the very same bridle which the thief had sold to whom he bought it from for 2 dirhams.

To this, `Ali remarked:

“The bondsman made forbidden for himself pure earnings by abandoning his patience. And he received naught more than what was determined for him anyway.”

Not a single one of the world’s richest people made their fortunes by winning the lottery. You will not be the first. Work hard and honest for your earnings and you will be rewarded for it, but not at the cost of your honor.