Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part II

When I was 17 years old, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting inside a masjid and a little girl walked up to ask me a question. She asked me: “Why do people have to leave each other?” The question was a personal one, but it seemed clear to me why the question was chosen for me.

I was one to get attached.

Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.

But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.

But the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us.

Our weight was only meant to be carried by God. We are told in the Quran: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.” (Qur’an 2: 256)

There is a crucial lesson in this verse: that there is only one handhold that never breaks. There is only one place where we can lay our dependencies. There is only one relationship that should define our self-worth and only one source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and security. That place is God.

But this world is all about seeking those things everywhere else. Some of us seek it in our careers, some seek it in wealth, some in status. Some, like me, seek it in our relationships. In her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert describes her own quest for happiness. She describes moving in and out of relationships, and even traveling the globe in search of this fulfillment. She seeks that fulfillment—unsuccessfully—in her relationships, in meditation, even in food.

And that’s exactly where I spent much of my own life: seeking a way to fill my inner void. So it was no wonder that the little girl in my dream asked me this question. It was a question about loss, about disappointment. It was a question about being let down. A question about seeking something and coming back empty handed. It was about what happens when you try to dig in concrete with your bare hands: not only do you come back with nothing—you break your fingers in the process. And I learned this not by reading it, not by hearing it from a wise sage. I learned it by trying it again, and again, and again.

And so, the little girl’s question was essentially my own question…being asked to myself.

Ultimately, the question was about the nature of the dunya as a place of fleeting moments and temporary attachments. As a place where people are with you today, and leave or die tomorrow. But this reality hurts our very being because it goes against our nature. We, as humans, are made to seek, love, and strive for what is perfect and what is permanent. We are made to seek what’s eternal. We seek this because we were not made for this life. Our first and true home was Paradise: a land that is both perfect and eternal. So the yearning for that type of life is a part of our being. The problem is that we try to find that here. And so we create ageless creams and cosmetic surgery in a desperate attempt to hold on—in an attempt to mold this world into what it is not, and will never be.

And that’s why if we live in dunya with our hearts, it breaks us. That’s why this dunya hurts. It is because the definition of dunya, as something temporary and imperfect, goes against everything we are made to yearn for. Allah put a yearning in us that can only be fulfilled by what is eternal and perfect. By trying to find fulfillment in what is fleeting, we are running after a hologram…a mirage. We are digging into concrete with our bare hands. Seeking to turn what is by its very nature temporary into something eternal is like trying to extract from fire, water.  You just get burned. Only when we stop putting our hopes in dunya, only when we stop trying to make the dunya into what it is not—and was never meant to be (jannah)—will this life finally stop breaking our hearts.

We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it.

And pain is a pointer to our attachments. That which makes us cry, that which causes us most pain is where our false attachments lie. And it is those things which we are attached to as we should only be attached to Allah which become barriers on our path to God. But the pain itself is what makes the false attachment evident. The pain creates a condition in our life that we seek to change, and if there is anything about our condition that we don’t like, there is a divine formula to change it. God says: “Verily never will God change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” (Qur’an, 13:11)

After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.

As soon as I began to have that realization, a veil was lifted from my eyes. I started to see what my problem was. I was expecting this life to be what it is not, and was never meant to be: perfect. And being the idealist that I am, I was struggling with every cell in my body to make it so. It had to be perfect. And I would not stop until it was. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears to this endeavor: making the dunya into jannah. This meant expecting people around me to be perfect. Expecting my relationships to be perfect. Expecting so much from those around me and from this life. Expectations. Expectations. Expectations. And if there is one recipe for unhappiness it is that: expectations. But herein lay my fatal mistake. My mistake was not in having expectations; as humans, we should never lose hope. The problem was in *where* I was placing those expectations and that hope. At the end of the day, my hope and expectations were not being placed in God. My hope and expectations were in people, relationships, means. Ultimately, my hope was in this dunya rather than Allah.

And so I came to realize a very deep Truth. An ayah began to cross my mind. It was an ayah I had heard before, but for the first time I realized that it was actually describing me:  “Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present, and those who heed not Our Signs.” (Qur’an, 10:7)

By thinking that I can have everything here, my hope was not in my meeting with God. My hope was in dunya. But what does it mean to place your hope in dunya? How can this be avoided? It means when you have friends, don’t expect your friends to fill your emptiness. When you get married, don’t expect your spouse to fulfill your every need. When you’re an activist, don’t put your hope in the results. When you’re in trouble don’t depend on yourself. Don’t depend on people. Depend on God.

Seek the help of people—but realize that it is not the people (or even your own self) that can save you. Only Allah can do these things. The people are only tools, a means used by God. But they are not the source of help, aid, or salvation of any kind. Only God is. The people cannot even create the wing of a fly (22:73).  And so, even while you interact with people externally, turn your heart towards God. Face Him alone, as Prophet Ibrahim (as) said so beautifully: “For me, I have set my face, firmly and truly, towards Him Who created the heavens and the earth, and never shall I give partners to Allah.” (Qur’an, 6:79)

But how does Prophet Ibrahim (as) describe his journey to that point? He studies the moon, the sun and the stars and realizes that they are not perfect. They set.

They let us down.

So Prophet Ibrahim (as) was thereby led to face Allah alone. Like him, we need to put our full hope, trust, and dependency on God. And God alone. And if we do that, we will learn what it means to finally find peace and stability of heart. Only then will the roller coaster that once defined our lives finally come to an end. That is because if our inner state is dependent on something that is by definition inconstant, that inner state will also be inconstant. If our inner state is dependent on something changing and temporary, that inner state will be in a constant state of instability, agitation, and unrest. This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why.

We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? In the statement of Abu Bakr is a deep illustration of this truth. After the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ died, the people went into shock and could not handle the news. But although no one loved the Prophet ﷺ like Abu Bakr, Abu Bakr understood well the only place where one’s dependency should lie. He said: “If you worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But if you worshipped Allah, know that Allah never dies.”

To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13). And if you do this, you become unbreakable, because your handhold is unbreakable. You become unconquerable, because your supporter can never be conquered. And you will never become empty, because your source of fulfillment is unending and never diminishes.

Looking back at the dream I had when I was 17, I wonder if that little girl was me. I wonder this because the answer I gave her was a lesson I would need to spend the next painful years of my life learning. My answer to her question of why people have to leave each other was: “because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?”

By Mohamed Abutaleb

If you missed the earlier article on 5 Mistakes of Young MSA Leaders, check it out here.

When I was first handed the reins of our MSA (Muslim Student Association) at the age of 18, I never imagined that it would lead to some of the most powerful leadership experiences I’d share at job interviews for more than a decade to come:  difficult personalities, budgets, crisis management, media, public speaking, and mediation. Many of my cabinet and successors shared the same experience. More than one credited his/her MSA experience in landing a great job.  Here are 5 tips on how to hone exceptional leadership experience throughout your years of service:

1. Become a Remarkable Listener – Whether in families, marriages, or MSAs, many of us are already busy preparing our rebuttal while the other person is still speaking to us. Resolve to become a remarkable listener. Hear not just what the person is saying, but what is beneath their words. Pause a lot, repeat what the person is saying, and let others do most of the talking. Be open to being wrong. So many times, the Qur’an reprimands people who “would not hear.”

2. Learn to be Loved and Hated – This is a tough one. Effective leadership commands respect and comes with honor but that also means it is a weighty responsibility and attracts jealousy, envy, and hatred. Find that tough balance between self-righteousness and stardom. Don’t be fooled into thinking every time someone disagrees with you, you’re the only one on the truth and Islam’s last defender. Moderate your opinions with mentors and a wise inner circle. To lead, you must also give up your dream of being popular or everyone’s best friend. If everyone’s always singing your praises, then you’re either insincere or not doing anything worthwhile – even the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) himself had those who opposed him.

3. Shift the Spotlight – The Prophet ﷺ says, “He who does not show gratitude to people, has not been truly thankful to Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – Exalted is He).” When you appreciate the investment of your team, you embody a small, human manifestation of the attribute in Allah’s Name As-Shakoor (The Appreciative) – the One who rewards His servants’ deeds beyond measure. Be quick to volunteer for the most difficult and least glamorous tasks, and the last to claim credit or seek worldly fame.

In our MSA, there was a brother who would pick up all the date pits during Ramadan and take out the trash before the assigned committee could ever get to it. None of us could figure out who he was. When that unknown brother broke his arm, all of the sudden, the date pits piled up and the trash bags weren’t collected. He never shared it with anyone, and I don’t think anyone figured it out but me. Forget the likes, fame, and people’s adoration – seeking to please Allah is true leadership.

4. Treasure Your Time – To truly excel, you must cultivate not only the discipline to avoid the prohibited (haram), but the courage to let go of some of the halal. We all only get 24 hours a day. Al-Hasan al-Basri says, “You are but a collection of days – when a day departs, so does a part of you.” Great leaders treasure their time more than others while remaining balanced, they spend less idle moments, turn off notifications, and moderate their consumption of entertainment. Beyond the x’s and o’s, they beg Allah to place baraka (blessing) in their time. Reading the stories of scholars is a great place to see this trait in action.

When I was 21, people told me that I was one of the stronger public speakers in the DC area. I was in trouble. I heard people calling me “scholar” when I didn’t even qualify as a student, and I was one of the more driven individuals in my circle of friends. Then I met a passionate speaker with few as equals, with a stronger command of both the Islamic and worldly sciences than I. Essentially, a person who made me feel he had accomplished more with his time in every facet that I was praised for. Great leaders have to find the self-security and courage to surround themselves with people who are better, faster, and smarter than them.

5. Renew, Restore, and Reinvest – It seems like the more technology we have, the less productive we are; the more messaging apps, the worse our actual communication; and the more stuff and clutter in our lives, the less focused we are on our actual purpose in existence. Do you realize that your great-grandparents lived in a world without television, personal computers, the Internet, and laundry machines? Do you know that just 12 years ago, neither YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, nor Snapchat even existed?

The five prayers give a natural structure to the day, and this ummah (global community) is blessed in the time of the early morning hours. Make a sincere intention to wake up for fajr prayer and stay up, and discipline yourself to structure your day. To do that, you have to sleep at a reasonable hour. Don’t start or end your day with emails or texts.  Don’t touch your phone, Facebook, Twitter, or whatever for at least the first hour. Start with a spiritual breakfast (prayer/dhikr – remembrance), exercise, and a healthy meal. Remember that to give back to others, you must first be healthy and whole yourself.

I ask Allah to grant you sincerity, patience, and fulfillment in carrying the trust and responsibility of MSA leadership.  I pray that it is a means of growth and development for you and those you serve, and a joy on the day you meet Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala).

—

Mohamed AbuTaleb serves as the Imam of the Islamic Association of Raleigh. He is a lifelong student of the Quran and Islamic studies and also shares a love of science and reason, having completed his Ph.D. and Master’s degrees in electrical engineering from MIT along with degrees in physics and mathematics from the University of Maryland.  Mohamed has traveled the United States extensively as a lecturer, trainer, and educator.  His style focuses on enabling audiences to couple transformative understanding with relevance to daily life, and to cut across labels and divisions through scholarship and dialogue.  You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube or on his website. 

Reconstructing Beauty Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

A Clarification on Beautifying Gender Relations Within the Community

Co-ed Love for the Sake of Allah? Part 1 | Part 2

Photo: Pictoscribe

I was standing next to the grave, supplicating quietly to Allah for the man we just buried. He was a family relative, loved by many alhamdulilLah (praise be to God). As I stood there, a few other women came and also started to supplicate. They spoke aloud in a low voice, “We never heard anything but good from you or about you, so we ask Allah to accept all your good deeds and forgive your sins, and accept you into Paradise…” I was touched by something in this moment. I didn’t know them personally, we didn’t exchange words but I was taught by their example. They displayed the most beautiful adab (manners) of brotherhood and sisterhood for their deceased Muslim brother, who was not directly related to them. Subhan’Allah (glory be to God), when the heart is pure, the “rules” emanate naturally without effort. Everything in their manner, speech, and conduct was modest, respectful and filled with noble love.

The code of inter-gender relations comes from this noble kind of love. It is generous in giving, while conscious of Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala (exalted is He). It is full of haya.’ Haya’ is sometimes described as ‘shyness’, but misunderstood to mean a desire to hide, to be nervous, overly self-conscious, and unable to communicate. This is not the meaning of haya’ and it’s a real shame that men and women are sometimes taught social anxiety in the name of haya’. Haya’ comes from consciousness of Allah (swt)—that a servant of Allah would feel too “shy” to commit an open and indecent sin in the presence of the Most High, that they feel humbled in the presence of the Creator, so they honor His creation. The believer is not a show-off for any of their blessings. Rather they are grateful, and hope to use their many gifts in the service of their Lord. One of the most graceful ways to serve Allah (swt) is by serving and honoring His creation, in the manner that He approves. This is our code as brothers and sisters.

“The believing men and believing women are allies of one another.” (Qu’ran, 9:71)

The 10 Principles

1. Be sincere in your interactions.

The Prophet ﷺ (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) taught us, “Truly, actions are according to their intentions.” ((Bukhari)) All interaction with God’s creation is a reflection of our interaction with the Creator. When a person truly relies on God and seeks Him first and foremost, they let go of the need for approval from others and seek it only from Him (swt). As a result, the way they work with others has to do with God’s approval, not that of others. When we deal with the opposite sex, it’s important to make sure we are not *needy for some form of approval from them, and especially the kind that should only be sought from a spouse (ie: sexual attention, seeking their admiration). However, God loves for us to love and respect our brothers and sisters. If we’re seeking God’s approval in our interactions then we open our hearts in a noble way towards one another with the best of manners. Facial expressions, body language, tone of voice and the general energy brought into interactions should be respectful and professional. One who is sincere in seeking only Allah’s approval and not wanting something from the people will find it very natural to follow the rest of the guidelines.

What this looks like in person: Imagine you’re speaking to a boss, a professor or perhaps an older individual in the mosque. In most situations, even if you were buddies with that person, you’d still have a level of respect in your interactions with them that would be different from your friend at school. Do the same thing when you interact with someone of the opposite sex. It doesn’t mean you need to be cold. You need not be overtly rude or intimidating. If you are typically a really humorous and laid back person, you don’t need to radically change your personality so that the person/people you’re with don’t laugh. Just be yourself in a professional and courteous way.

What this looks like online/social media: Be mindful of your online conversations and avoid saying what you would feel uncomfortable having your parent or someone you respect overhear. Question your intentions before commenting or messaging. Only you and God know if what you’re doing is for the right reasons. This is one of the most powerful and dynamic limits of Allah (swt) because it actually builds your confidence. The habit of checking and renewing the intention develops a foundation of sincerity between you and Allah, and of good-will between you and His creation.

2. Make your interaction purposeful and professional.

There’s an Islamic legal maxim that states, “The origins of things is permissibility.” In other words, unless there is something that is expressly prohibited when it comes to interactions and worldly issues, it is allowed. However, when it came to the issue of gender relations specifically, some scholars used a different maxim: “The origin of inter-gender interactions is impermissibility, unless expressly permitted.” In other words, inter-gender interaction, unless there was an absolute necessity, major benefit attained, major harm prevented, or something not considered harmful in a particular cultural context, would generally be avoided.

These scholars also cited the principle of sadd al-tharee’ah—that whatever leads to a prohibited act in and of itself becomes prohibited. In this regard, cultural context becomes increasingly important. This is because in some cultures, specific actions may be misunderstood as an invitation to something prohibited, while in others, it is simply a respectful interaction.

As an example, a polite joke about the weather with the cashier at a grocery store is seen as neighborly small talk in the United States but can be understood as flirting in a different cultural context. For this other culture, scholars may consider the polite joke prohibited because it would lead to un-lowered and lustful gazes and conversation that points to something more. But to apply the latter understanding to our context in the west would be a great disservice. Here, the action and words do not imply sexual interest in the least, but rather is received as acceptable, polite conversation. And even in the same context, to overdo it leads to a misapplication of the law and the creation of a sub-culture that is foreign to the spirit of Islam. Shaykh Al-Rasuni mentions that the overextension of the legal principle sadd al-tharee’ah can create extremism and turn perfectly halal situations into haram ones. ((al-Raysuni, Ahmad)) So it should be applied with care, lest we turn Islam into something it is not.

If you look at both approaches—“The origin of interactions is allowed except what is prohibited,” and “the origin of interactions is prohibited except what is allowed”—they both lead to the same conclusion: Interactions should be purposeful, there should be a reason that is not suspect according to a particular culture, there are limits and it is not a complete free-for-all.

What this looks like in person: The on-campus Muslim Students Association (MSA) holds a meeting to discuss an upcoming event. There is purpose in their reason for coming together. They do not have to robotically and mechanically only ask “yes” or “no” questions, sticking to a script to ensure every word has a specific purpose. There can be polite small talk in asking about each other’s schoolwork and checking in on each other’s families. Now again, things go back to intention (point 1). On the outside things can be purposeful, but if on the inside things are not, it leads to Allah’s displeasure. A brother can tutor a study group of brothers and sisters for a class they are taking in college together in a noble way. He can also do so to enjoy the attention and admiration of the sisters and use that space for his own desires. On the outside no one may notice the difference, but on the inside Allah (swt) always does. A blessed interaction is both purposeful on the outside and pure on the inside.

What this looks like online/social media: Keep it purposeful and professional. No need to play online games with someone of the opposite sex. No need to start private conversations or comment in an over-relaxed, joking manner on posts or pictures.From emails, the messaging on social media, SnapChat, etc.—don’t do anything that you would be ashamed to do in front of someone you love and respect, like the Prophet ﷺ. Know that Allah (swt) sees you above all, and wants your honor and integrity to be protected.

3. Cover your ‘awra (nakedness).

In short, the ‘awra of men is from their naval to their knees. However, it is highly encouraged for men to cover beyond this. In other words, it’s not modest to show up without a shirt or a super tight one and skinny jeans, exposing a brother’s form. For women, even in the most lenient opinions, the minimum that should be covered is everything but the face, hands, and feet, in loose, non-form fitting, opaque clothing. Traditionally some scholars allowed kuhl and powder as allowable make-up, and some allowed the plucking of eyebrows in our times. There are opinions that are much more encompassing, but deliberately being shared here is the base minimum for anyone interested in following a valid scholarly opinion within our tradition.

An important point of clarification is needed here. When we think of a woman’s public dress in Islam, the Prophetic understanding was that it was a level more modest than that of men. There is an incident where the Prophet ﷺ gives a companion a thawb (dress) and later sees that companion and asks him why he does not wear it. The companion says he let his wife wear it. To this the Prophet encourages him to tell his wife to wear something under it because he fears that her form would show if she wears it without a layer under it (the way a man would). In other words, the ‘awra of a woman requires an additional standard of looseness. ((Kuwaiti Encyclopedia of Fiqh, `awra’))

Now, what does that mean for men and women struggling to maintain these general dress guidelines? Does that mean they should not be permitted into Muslim spaces when the opposite sex will be present, nor organize campus or community events? Absolutely not! All should be welcome; all of us struggle with different aspects of our worship and this is simply one that’s more obvious because it’s outer. Principle number 4 means each of us are responsible for what we see. At the same time, even if one does not normally cover the full ‘awra, when it comes to sacred spaces such as the Masajid as the Houses of Allah, we should make an extra effort to wear our most God-pleasing clothing there, as a way of showing extra deference to our Creator. This is not an act of hypocrisy; it’s an act of respect. This is simply an explanation of guidelines while recognizing each person has their own journey, struggle, and varying abilities to perform. The scholars also differentiated between `awra ghaleetha and `awra khafeefa: that some body parts or more `awra’ than others. A person may try to grow gradually in their dress hoping to ease the path toward following all its guidelines.

A couple of critical points to take into consideration:

A. Hijab for women is not about Men.

When Muslim women are asked why do they wear hijab, the simple answer is, “Because God asked me to” not “Because men asked me to.” Hijab is about Allah (swt) and submitting to His will and trusting His way. It’s an incredibly spiritual act especially today because you must strive to remove the desire for human approval completely in order to practice it well. Allah (swt) says, “that is purer for you.” Hijab is a purification. For some, hijab may help purify the tendency towards vanity. For others, it is simply a constant physical reminder that our goal in life is to please our Creator. The experience of hijab for many is described as “liberating” and “a divine gift” as it encourages us to recognize our own spiritual and intellectual center, and compels us to honor, even celebrate this most sacred part of ourselves as we deal with the world.

B. Hijab is not meant to erase physical beauty, but honor it.

What happens if a woman covers herself appropriately, and people still feel tempted by her or are attracted to her? Beauty is not a woman’s ‘fault’, and she is not asked to hide because others can’t control their feelings. Rather, they must lower their gaze and purify their thoughts.

Ibn Abbas said: “A beautiful woman, from among the most beautiful of women, used to pray behind the Prophet ﷺ. Some of the people used to go to pray in the first row to ensure they would not be able to see her. Others would pray in the last row of the men, and they would look from underneath their armpits to see her. Because of this act, in regard to her, Allah revealed, “And We have already known the preceding [generations] among you, and We have already known the later [ones to come],” (Qu’ran, 15:24). ((This hadith is found in ibn Majah, Abu Dawud, Tayalisi, Baihaqi, Ahmad, Tirmidhi, and Nasai and it is judged SAHIH by Albani. He includes it as #3472 in his Silsilat al-Ahadith as-Sahih))

In this incident, Allah (swt) does not reveal that a barrier be put up to block off the view of the women’s side. He does not ask the woman to not come to the masjid. She is not told to wear niqab. She is not asked to pray in the last lines. Allah is addressing the men and these are verses revealed after the command of hijab was in place. Allah is telling them that He knows what is in their hearts. Hijab is not to remove all beauty from a woman. Rather, it is to let her define her sense of beauty by donning the dress and character that pleases God.

4. Lower your gaze.

God commands the believing men and women to lower from their gazes in the Qur’an. ((Qur’an 24:30-31)) The imperative word here is “from.” Scholars have commented that looking at each other in and of itself is not prohibited, for if it was the word “from” would have been omitted in the command. However, the command indicates there are some gazes that are not allowed, and this based on Prophetic guidance includes the lustful gaze as well as looking at what is considered ‘awra. Yet, it is common practice for men and women in Muslim activist settings to avoid looking at one another directly in the eyes or in the face, and they are dressed modestly. Some scholars have mentioned that this is praiseworthy as a form of respect. However, in the greater western context, not making eye contact is usually considered awkward and can be seen as distrustful and in an instance like this, we can take our general cultural custom to inform the way we interact within the aforementioned Islamic boundaries.

What this looks like in person: Therefore, in general, the best way to fulfill this requirement is to simply avert your gaze specifically if you find yourself attracted to someone, not to check anyone out, and to avoid looking at certain areas of the body you should not be looking at anyway—most especially if they are uncovered. Otherwise, it’s permissible to simply look a person in the eyes politely when having a conversation. This applies both inside of and outside of Muslim spaces.

What this looks like online/social media: When you put up a picture on social media, be cognizant of what other people are seeing. And if you wouldn’t make a crazy duck face or show certain body parts to a person of the opposite sex in person or look at those things in person, do not post that type of picture or send that picture over SnapChat or stare at those pics if they’re sent to you (which, btw, why are they being sent to you?). Do not deliberately spend time staring at a picture of someone of the opposite sex without purpose. When commenting on a picture—even if it’s of the same gender—avoid statements such as, “Hey sexy!” or “Hot!” especially when you know that person has friends of the opposite sex who will also see those pictures and those comments in their newsfeed.

5. Keep it public.

The Prophetﷺ taught us “…Satan is the third person in an isolated area (khalwah) where there is only a man with a (non-mahram) woman…” (Ibn Al-Atheer – Sahih).

This narration indicates that being alone with one person of the opposite gender who is not a direct relative (mahram) is prohibited in Islam. Being alone constitutes any space which is locked and opaque, or open but totally isolated.

What this looks like in person: In person: Meet in public spaces. Whether it’s in the library or an off-campus café, make sure your professional organizing happens in a public space and at an appropriate time. Even in a public space, a suggestion is to bring a respectful third person or a group of people to make sure you and the other person are not the only ones together, as a way of maintaining a professional environment. This also changes a bit as you grow in different life stages.

If you’re in high school and working on a project, you should definitely bring other people along if you meet outside of school in a café or somewhere informal. If you’re in your fifties and you’re meeting to discuss masjid board policy away from the masjid, meeting in a public space should be sufficient without needing “chaperones.” Imams, for example, have office hours at the masjid, and leave the door open or open their blinds so others can see in, if the door is closed to protect confidentiality. For non-Imams and work spaces, if what you need to meet about is private, like needing crucial advice, simply meeting in a public space should be sufficient as long as you’re both aware of being respectful and keeping things professional. If you can bring a third person who can sit somewhere nearby who is not able to hear the conversation, consider this option. This is not to suggest you and the other person meeting together, in a public space, are going automatically to do something lewd if you don’t. It’s simply to protect your hearts, words and yes, long-term actions, from going down the path of regret—and instead allow both persons to engage each other in a way that inspires true respect and noble love for Allah (swt).

What this looks like online/social media: When applicable, have a third person involved. For example, if you are a female organizing an event and you are emailing a male, yet you know that another male or female is also involved in that specific aspect you’re emailing about, then simply include them in the conversation. Some people when they have to work closely with someone of the opposite gender, simply let them know that they have given their email password to their spouse or trusted sibling, in order to allow everyone to feel like the door to the room is open rather than locked. Others choose to make phone calls when they’re around people and the person they are calling is aware of that fact. The point isn’t to constantly have yourself monitored, it’s really to just build a repertoire between one another in your interactions. By not feeling fully alone together, the relationship remains fraternal and professional.

6. Protect your reputation.

At the outset, it must be stated that the concept of a reputation is misused at times. Sometimes, parents do not allow their daughters specifically to do certain things that they consider immodest or immoral within a specific cultural context due to a fear of what others may say about them. This sometimes causes young women to feel angry and frustrated and often blame Islam for being restrictive when in reality, it’s a specific concept their family has about what is and isn’t appropriate. Misusing the concept of protecting one’s honor has negative and unnecessary ramifications. And yes, people should make 70 excuses for what they see or hear about others. However, at the same time, there is a place in Islam for protecting our reputation and not putting ourselves in situations where another believer may feel concerned about us.

What this looks like in person: This is exactly what the Prophet ﷺ did when walking with his wife Safiya radi Allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her). Someone saw them and the Prophet ﷺ said, “This is Safiya!” They were surprised and said, “Prophet of God! We would never think you had a girlfriend or something like that!” The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Yes, but Satan travels through people like blood through the body.” ((Bukhari)) The Prophet’s ﷺtechnical circumstances were halal but he wanted to make sure it was clear and not misunderstood.

What this looks like online/social media: The unfortunate reality of a sister or brother having an inappropriate or unnecessary online relationship has repercussions. For example, with an MSA brother, a sister may become a counselor-like friend and sometimes falls for the brother. The brother sometimes though, turns to her not because he wants to marry her, but because he perhaps enjoys that relationship with a female without having to commit to her and at times, may lead her on. On the flip side in another example, a sister may enjoy informal, intimate conversations and a certain brother’s attention; she may not be interested in marrying him, but enjoys the relationship and may sometimes lead him on. In both scenarios, the sister and brother may get a reputation for being easily used, desperate or whipped. Brothers and sisters: this is about respecting yourself enough that you do not allow yourself to be put in suspect situations that can harm your well-being and reputation in your specific context.

7. No touching.

The Messenger ﷺ stated, “It is better for an iron rod to be driven into the head of a man, than for him to touch a woman who is not permissible for him.” (Mu’jam al Kabir) Though the word ‘touch’ here is understood by some scholars to be a euphemism for fornication, generally the principle is applied for all unnecessary (non-medical, etc.) touching, as derived from the Prophetic biography.

God tells us, “And do not come near unlawful sexual intercourse.” Not touching is a preventative measure as to what can come that’s greater. The Prophet ﷺnever shook hands when he took the Pledge of Aqaba from the female companions, though he did with the men. This shows at the very least that touching, even by shaking hands with the opposite gender, is not generally encouraged. There should be no casual high fives, no hugs, no physical interaction between sexes who are not closely blood related or married. Not even if you’re “promised” to one another and going to be married soon. Unless you have your written marriage contract (known as the “katb al-kitab” or “`aqd” or “nikah” in different cultures and sometimes considered an engagement after the contract is signed), no physical touching should happen.

But what about shaking hands in our specific context,, as a known form of greeting and professionalism?

Consider Shaykh Yusuf Qaradwi‘s and Shaykh Abdullah bin Bayyah‘s discussions on the issue. His allowance, with caveats, must be read and understood, as it provides an alternative to the typical discussion on prohibition. If you choose not to shake hands, make sure you politely decline with class and creativity. Ensure it’s done in ways that would help hearts feel closer to you rather than turn away in aversion.

8. Be respectful of people’s personal space and levels of comfort.

We deal with different Muslims from different backgrounds. We do not want to impose our gender interaction cultural norms on them. We should try to engage them with what is comfortable for them, without giving up our own rights. This is just basic consideration for how others feel, male and female. Once the Prophet ﷺ even changed the way he was sitting out of his consideration for the modesty of Uthman (ra):

Aisha reports: The Prophet ﷺwas lying down in his house with his thighs or his calves exposed. Abu Bakr asked permission to enter and was permitted while the Prophet ﷺ was in that position and he came in and spoke with him ﷺ. Then, Umar asked permission to enter. He was granted permission and came in and spoke with him ﷺ while in that position. Then, Uthman asked permission and the Prophet ﷺ sat up and straightened his clothing. He was then permitted and came in and spoke with the Prophet ﷺ. After he had gone, Aisha said: Abu Bakr entered and you did not get up for him or worry about him and Umar came in and you did not get up for him nor worry about him but when Uthman came in, you straightened out your clothing! The Prophet ﷺ said: “Should I not be shy of a man around whom the angels are shy?” (Muslim)

This is a true act of love for Allah (swt), and such consideration for the comfort levels of the other should be practiced across genders as well.

What this looks like in person: Some people from other countries or ways of thinking do not talk to unrelated members of the opposite sex for any reason (unless an absolute emergency) and are even uncomfortable giving salam (greetings of peace). In our western context, scholars have encouraged men and women to spread the salam to build a sense of support and community especially as a religious minority. Generally speaking, it is praiseworthy to initiate the salam and an obligation to respond to it, ((Qur’an 4:86)) regardless of gender, unless you have good reason to believe it would be understood as flirtatious to do so. If you know someone is uncomfortable, do not put them in an awkward situation—even with something as simple as the salam. At the same time, a man from such an environment may feel uncomfortable with women in the same prayer space and want them to leave. For this, women should ***not*** be expected to leave because of someone else’s discomfort; women should take their Islamic right to worship in the House of God. In this example, it is the other person who needs to practice consideration of her rights.

Another example is to not stand too close to each other when you are talking. If you can smell their breath, shampoo, or deodorant then you are standing too close. If someone takes a step back everytime you take a step forward, then realize they prefer a bigger gap between themselves and you and stop inching forward.

What this looks likes online/social media: If you friend request someone of the opposite gender on Facebook and they don’t confirm, respect their privacy. If someone always CCs a third party when they email you, try to reply all and respect that. When we treat each other with nobility, it fosters trust.

9. Speak in a decent manner.

Perhaps there is no single behavior that more clearly defines our manners than speech. Allah (swt) has many commands about speech in the Qur’an. Its content should be good and decent (2:235). Its tone should be straight-forward (33:70). It should not be made soft on purpose (33:32). It should not be loud and arrogant (31:19). There should be no vain or excessive speech (23:3).

This is interesting as 90% of communication is non-verbal, and most perception comes from our tone of voice. And nothing affects tone of voice like intention. When the intention is good, speech is naturally unaffected and straight-forward, good in both content and delivery. The best way to examine our own hearts sometimes is to use our speech as a window to ourselves so we can ask, “What is going on inside?”

What this look likes in person: Speech is normal. This may appear humorous but as a dear sister once asked, “Why didn’t anyone just tell us to be normal?” In her situation, she was working and wanted to make da`wah (call to Islam) to her co-workers by showing how friendly and extra helpful a Muslim can be. Slightly sheltered in her upbringing, she went out of her way just to be very excited and supportive all the time and it was unfortunately understood as something else. Her version of ‘nice’ was over the top. She realized later that co-workers of the opposite gender, according to the advice of the Human Resources department, simply were to engage each other in a straight-forward, ‘normal’ way which is what Islam encourages anyway. Her speech was simply a mistake; but others actually make the mistake in their intention too. Don’t deliberately try to use an attractive sounding voice, don’t deliberately laugh and giggle for the purpose of drawing flirtatious attention, don’t extend conversations endlessly just to stay in the presence of another person. In other words, just be normal!

What this looks like online/social media: Don’t flirt, don’t be excessive in praise, or dismissive and disrespectful in joking. Use language that you wouldn’t feel shy of the Prophet ﷺ witnessing, knowing Allah (swt) always does.

10. Ensure your circumstances are safe.

One of the conditions for allowing women’s travel alone is safety and ensuring the place of stay. In general, for both men and women, Personal Safety (life, health) in itself is considered one of the greater objectives of Islamic Law. Keep in mind, two people don’t need to be in complete isolation for it to be unsafe.

What this look likes in person: If you’re a sister, going to a brother’s apartment, or a brother going to a sister’s apartment to study for example, even if it is shared with others—that is unsafe. Going into a public parking lot that is empty to get class notes at an odd hour of the night is unsafe. The point is, whether man or woman, be smart about where you meet, choose an appropriate time, and ensure it’s in a safe space.

What this looks like online/social media: Do not put personal information like where you live on your Facebook or other online site. If you’re “checking in” somewhere online, let it be somewhere public and attended by people. For example, if you are at the beach when it’s deserted at night, do not “check in” live on sites or social media where your location can be tracked by strangers, or even people you don’t know well.

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Finally, the pursuit of marriage is the reason many young people get involved in relationships or put themselves in situations they later regret. Marriage is a noble intention, and should be pursued nobly. A guiding principle is the ends don’t justify the means in Islam. The space of Islamic work may be a place where people meet potential spouses, but the work should not be used as an excuse to get attention under the guise of being interested in marriage. Once a person realizes their interest in marriage towards someone is a sustained interest, they should take a respectful and responsible approach. That means, be like Musa, `alayhi as salaam (peace be upon him), and talk to her family. Or be like Khadijah (ra), and talk to a reputable friend, preferably married, who can find a tactful way to recommend you. It is permissible to approach the person you’re interested in directly, specifically if you know that’s their personal preference as well since not everyone has a supportive or present family. However, make sure it’s done with respect. When you’re respectful in both means and method, you can pursue your intention for marriage through its blessed path, and continue your Islamic work/volunteering on its own blessed path.

Inter-gender relations can be tricky, but remember: Just be normal! With the right intention, with purpose, and with efforts to try our best with the general guidelines God has revealed for our work together, we can focus on ensuring that our relationships lead to benefiting ourselves, our families, our societies and the world at large, with God’s will.

It is hoped that this inter-gender relations summary be of service to brothers and sisters everywhere. May Allah (swt) ennoble our character, manners, and disposition with what pleases Him most. May He allow us to practice both the spirit and letter of His guidance for us. May He forgive our many shortcomings and mistakes. May Allah increase us in His remembrance, gratitude, guidance, and beautify our worship. May He accept from us all. Ameen.

It was a breathtaking view from my window. Thousands of feet up in the air, I was passing through heaps of white cotton candy spread across the sky. The clouds swished by and a chain of giant mountains pierced boldly through the atmosphere. Glistening in the sunlight was a vast ocean, with its little white waves hugging the sandy shores that meandered around the land.

“Surely, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, are signs for those of understanding,” (Qur’an, 3:190). All this pristine beauty got me thinking about the sunnah (way) of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) in His creation—that He created the greatest of things out of smaller components; the clouds and oceans from tiny water molecules, the mountains from grains of sand, rocks and pebbles, giant forests and gardens from individual plants and trees. In living organisms too, entire systems are composed of smaller organs, layered with tissues composed of miniscule cells that house tiny organelles!

Doesn’t that sunnah apply to our lives too? When we nurture the tiniest elements, we create greatness in every aspect of our lives, from our relationships, to our health, to our connection with Allah (swt). Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) reminds us, “Do not belittle any good action, even if it be greeting your brother with a pleasant face,” (Muslim). Every action, down to the invisibly tiny atom, is significant with Allah (swt). It could be stroking the head of a sad child, or visiting someone who is sick, or giving $5 or $10 to the poor and needy, or lending a helping hand when someone needs you. And when you assist others in any way, know that Allah (swt) is helping you! Prophet Muhammad ﷺ says, “Whoever relieves a believer of distress in this world, Allah will relieve him of some of the distress of the Day of Resurrection. Whoever makes things easy for those who are in difficulty, Allah will make things easy for him in this world and in the next. Whoever conceals (the faults of) a Muslim in this world, Allah will conceal him (his faults) in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah will help the servant so long as the servant helps his brother,” (Tirmidhi).

With your friends or loved ones, it could be the smallest acts of kindness that make the biggest difference: a comforting phone call during the day, a warm hug, a genuine smile that brightens their mood, or even doing the grocery shopping or washing the dishes after they’ve had a long day. Doing these loving, generous acts—and doing them often—is what fuels loving, intimate relationships. These are the seemingly insignificant day-to-day gestures that build solid, beautiful bonds.

Great health also comes with adopting small healthy habits. Allah (swt) created our bodies in the best form, so it behooves us to invest in honoring and taking care of that trust. And strong, healthy individuals, like you, are what make a collectively strong Muslim Ummah! It’s the minor things like cutting down on the heavy carbohydrates, fats and sugars that could relieve you of a few unwanted inches and decrease the risk of cardiovascular diseases. Other small changes include exercising portion control and eating a variety of colorful fruits, vegetables and lean proteins. Allah (swt) says, “And whatever He multiplied for you on the earth of varying colors. Indeed in that is a sign for a people who remember. And it is He who subjected the sea for you to eat from it tender meat […] that you might seek of His bounty; and perhaps you will be grateful,” (Qur’an, 16:13-14).

Another good practice to have is to plan your meals and workouts ahead of time. When you know what you will eat during the day, you’re less likely to eat whatever is around when you feel hungry. Also, scheduling your workouts throughout the week ensures that you get enough exercise. Walk as much and as often as you can. Walk around the neighborhood, or in a park, or at your workplace. Make time during your lunch break, or take a 10 minute break from work to walk. Get some fresh air, clear your mind and smell the roses while you’re out! Hit the gym if possible and incorporate strength training to burn fat and tone your muscles. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ encourages us to increase our physical strength when he says, “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer,” (Muslim). If you can’t make it to the gym, exercise at home or outdoors. Do more push-ups, sit-ups, squats and lunges, and exercise with a partner for motivation. Aim for at least 20-30 minutes a day of continuous exercise. When you start developing all these minor eating and exercise habits, you embark on a path of greater health and fitness, which of course makes you more energized to worship Allah (swt).

Remember what actions are most beloved to Allah?—the ones done consistently, even if they are small. In your relationship with Allah (swt), that means small doses of Qur’anic recitation, prayers and du`a’ (supplication) are better than large doses every once in a blue moon. A short du`a’ after every prayer is preferred over supplicating for a long time only when you’re having trouble and need Allah’s help. Reading five minutes of Qur’an daily and praying a few rak`as (units) of qiyam (night prayer) before sleeping or before Fajr is better than doing these only when Ramadan rolls around.

If Fajr is not part of your morning practice, that would be a prime place to start. If you’re determined to wake up for Fajr prayer, force yourself to sleep early and go to bed in a state of wudu’ while doing dhikr. Of course, drop the caffeine in the afternoons, set your alarms, and get a family member or buddy to make sure you wake up. If you’re with family, praying together is the best motivator! On the Day of Judgment, people will be wishing they had read just one more ayah (verse) of Qur’an, and prostrated just one more time—because the benefits are enormous. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ says, “Recite the Qur’an, for it will come on the Day of Judgment as in intercessor for its companions,” (Muslim). He also says, “Prostrate a lot because there is not one prostration that you do for Allah except that Allah raises your rank (in Paradise) by it, and removes a sin by it for you,” (Muslim).

What area in your life can you create more beauty, more greatness, and more success in? Pick one area and just start! Start with tiny changes and little adjustments that push you in the right direction. When you do the minor acts repeatedly and consistently, you create a series of successes for yourself. These small feats add up, and motivate you to challenge yourself—to give more, exercise more often, read Qur’an and pray more regularly, and do even more thoughtful acts for others. Before you know it, by Allah’s will, your life will be a big success made up of many smaller ones.

Just like our bodies are made up of millions of magnificent smaller entities, loving relationships are made up of numerous, loving acts of kindness, a healthy person practices a variety of healthy eating and exercise habits, and a righteous person is one who does many righteous acts. And don’t forget that every little bit counts. As Allah (swt) reminds us, “Whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it,” (Qur’an, 99:7) and “Whatever good you do, Allah knows it,” (Qur’an, 2:197).

It had been an exceptionally hard day for me, about 3 years ago. Everything seemed to be out of place and one thing after another was going wrong. I headed over to the University Center to get a bite to eat—maybe food would calm my nerves. At the time, I had been wearing niqab (the face veil), but that was the least of my worries, or so I thought. As I stood in line to get my food, I glanced behind me and noticed a few Muslim brothers. I was about to extend my salaam (greetings of peace) to them when I caught wind of what they were saying. They were talking about ME! ‘Why does she think she can dress that way? Who does she think she is?!’ On normal days, their comments would have had no effect on me, but on that day, they went straight to my heart. Perhaps their comments were like the straw that broke the camel’s back, because instantly tears began to flow down my face, which of course no one could see. I left the food line, disheartened, and walked away hoping to find a place to be alone and be at peace at last.

I walked for a good 5 minutes, trying to compose myself before I got to my destination. I reached the building I was aiming for and began to walk up the stairs as I felt a tap on my shoulder and a whispered, “Wait!” I turned around and found a woman I didn’t know, panting, trying to catch her breath. I waited until she was able to speak and what she said next took me by complete surprise. She looked me in the eye and said, “I’ve been following you, trying to catch up to you for 5 minutes! I just wanted you to know that I admire your strength in wearing what you believe in. More power to you and may the God you believe in bless you.” And that was it. That’s all she said. She turned around and walked away, without telling me her name or wanting anything from me. Instantly my pain began to melt and I began to smile. It was her kind words that made my day so much brighter. It was her kind words that reminded me why I was doing what I was doing: God. The woman didn’t know how much I needed to hear some sort of uplifting words. She didn’t know that I was having a horrible day, but she saw an opportunity to say something good, and she seized it.

It was on that day that I realized the power of words. The power that our beloved Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was talking about when he said: “Indeed a servant will speak a word pleasing to Allah that he thinks to be insignificant, but because of it Allah raises him by many degrees. And indeed a servant will speak a word displeasing to Allah that he thinks to be insignificant, but because of it, He will consign him to the Hellfire.” So many times we say things that we don’t think through. We don’t think about the effects of our words. Those brothers, whom I hold no grudge against alhamdulilah (praise be to God), probably forgot the conversation they had minutes after I left, not realizing the weight of their words. And that woman probably forgot the conversation we had, minutes after she left, not realizing the weight of her words. But as we can see, years later, I still have not forgotten.

It is through such an example that we can come to think that a word is never too small to be hurtful nor too small to be beneficial. We should consider any word that we speak, out of fear that this word may be the word that causes our ultimate destruction. We should rush to say any kind and helpful word that we can, out of hope that this word will be the cause of our rising in rank. May Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) cause us to be of those who are raised in rank by our words and never be condemned to hell-fire.

“Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs.” —Pearl Strachan

Originally published in December 2013

From the Greek and Syriac sources of the Church Elders

There are those who love and there are those who hate. Of which were our pious predecessors and of which are you?

When the Muslims surrounded Jerusalem, the inhabitants said they would surrender the city only if the Muslim ruler himself —Omar, the second successor or “Caliph,” of the Prophet Muhammad— came to them. ((The Encounter of Eastern Christianity with Early Islam, Emmanouela Grypeou, Mark N. Swanson and David Thomas)) So Omar sojourned by camel from Damascus, Syria to Jerusalem in the Holy Land. As Omar approached the city, his servant became weary, so he ordered his servant to ride the steed while he walked it by the reins.

When they entered Jerusalem —records indicate it very well could have been Easter— the people of the city mistook the servant for the Caliph. When corrected, they couldn’t believe that this man in tattered and dirty clothes, leading on foot his servant who rode his steed, was the ruler of this new people who were conquering the Persian and Roman Empires, the greatest empires the world had ever seen, with such speed that had never been seen before. St. Sophronius, Christian Patriarch of Jerusalem, greeted Omar with a set of fresh regal clothes and insisted he wear them instead of the dirty rags he was wearing. According to the Greek chronicler Theophilus of Edessa (695-785CE), Omar refused saying, “It is not right for a man to take from another what God has not decreed for him, for God has given to each and every one of humanity from His Divine knowledge, and he who desires to receive something from his companion exceeding that, does so against God.” (( Theophilus of Edessa’s Chronicle- And the Circulation of Historical Knowledge in Late Antiquity and Early Islam, Liverpool University Press- Translated Texts for Historians, Robert G. Hoyland)) Yet, the Christians of the city were outraged and Omar sensed that they found it humiliating to concede the city to someone who looked so base and common. So he compromised. Theophilus further records from Omar, “Because you request it of me, and have shown me such great honor, please lend me these clothes and I will wear them while you wash mine. When mine are returned, I will return these clothes to you.” Michael the Syrian, 12^th Century Patriarch of the Syriac Orthodox Church, says about Omar, “He was certainly just and removed from greed, to the degree that from all the empire that the Arabs ruled, that is, from all the wealth and treasures of the Romans and Persians, he took nothing for himself. He did not change the simplicity of his habits, not even the piece of hide that was placed under him when he rode by camel and that he used for sitting on the ground or sleeping on.” ((Ibid))

As the time approached for the Muslim noon prayer, Sophronius invited Omar to pray in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, the holiest site in all of Christianity that contains the Golgotha, the Hill of Calvary where Christ was to be crucified, as well as the tomb where Christ was to be interred. Omar refused saying that he feared future generations of Muslims might seek to make it a Muslim holy site. So he prayed opposite the southern courtyard of the Church where, sure enough, they eventually built the Mosque of Omar that stands there to this day facing the empty tomb of Jesus Christ.

Patriarch Eutychius of Alexandria of the Greek Orthodox Church (877-940CE) records:

“When the gate of the city was opened, Omar came in with his entourage and sat at the aetrion of the Church of the Resurrection. When the time of prayer approached, Omar said to Patriarch Sophronius: ‘I want to pray.’ And he responded: ‘Commander of the faithful, pray in the place where you are now.’ And Omar said: ‘I do not want to pray here.’ The patriarch and then led him to the Church of Constantine [the Church of the Resurrection] where he spread a mat made of straw on the floor of the church. But Omar said: ‘I do not want to pray here either.’ He went out to the steps, which are at the gate on the eastern side of the Church of St. Constantine, and he prayed alone on the steps. Then he sat down and said to Patriarch Sophronius: ‘Patriarch, do you know why I did not pray inside the church?’ He answered: ‘I do not know, Commander of the Faithful.’ And Omar said to him: ‘If I had prayed inside the Church, you would be losing it and it would have gone from your hands because after my death the Muslims would seize it saying: Omar has prayed here. Give me a piece of pergamene ((A type of parchment named after the ancient city of Pergamum in Aeolis)) to write for you a document.’” ((The Encounter of Eastern Christianity with Early Islam, Emmanouela Grypeou, Mark N. Swanson and David Thomas))

Eutychius goes on to relate the terms written in that document protecting the Church and the churches surrounding it forbidding Muslims from congregating near its steps for their prayers.

While some Muslims bicker over whether they should bid their Christian fellows “Merry Christmas” or any other variety of holiday greetings throughout the year, I urge them to drop such vain harangues. Instead, reach into the psyche of Omar, inspired by the Prophet Muhammad whom he served and later succeeded, and how he treated the Christians who found themselves under his rule. Had he wished, he could have done away with the Christian and Jewish populations and history would have no less recorded him as yet another conqueror. When the Christian Crusaders invaded Jerusalem 400 years later, they did slaughter the Muslims, Jews and even those Christians of sects they deemed heretical in a stadium as if it were sport. No man, woman, child or even babe in arms was spared. ((“In this temple 10,000 were killed. Indeed, if you had been there you would have seen our feet colored to our ankles with the blood of the slain. But what more shall I relate? None of them were left alive; neither women nor children were spared.” Gesta Francorum Jerusalem Expugnantium, Fulcher of Chartres)) The year prior to that, in 1098, the Crusaders had actually cooked and eaten the Muslims of Ma`rrat al-Nu`man in Syria. It is said that babies were skewered on spits, broiled and eaten. ((“Some people said that, constrained by the lack of food, they boiled pagan adults in cooking-pots, impaled children on spits and devoured them grilled.” Citing Rudolph of Caen, The First Crusade: The Chronicle of Fulcher of Chartres and Other Source Materials, Edward Peters.))

But that is not our way and any who adopt such ways in God’s name profane the very core of Islam. Omar chose the path of love, compassion, and mercy. He gave the Christians freedom and brought the Jews back to the Holy Land from whence they had been driven out just a decade before and successively in the centuries preceding that. The city’s Christians entrusted the keys to the Church of Holy Sepulchre into the hands of the Muslim family of Nusaybah. Today, a millennium and a half later, a member of that Muslim family unlocks the Church in the morning and locks it up at night. The Christians of Jerusalem would have it no other way. ((The Oxford Companion to Christian Thought, Adrian Hastings, ‎Alistair Mason, ‎Hugh Pyper))

Will the Christians love you when you deal with them thus? Some will. Some won’t. In spite of acknowledging the magnanimity of Omar related above, Theophanes the Confessor (760-818CE) refers to him as a devilish beast and mocks him for entering the city in dirty clothes. (( Theophilus of Edessa’s Chronicle- And the Circulation of Historical Knowledge in Late Antiquity and Early Islam, Liverpool University Press- Translated Texts for Historians, Robert G. Hoyland)) God even tells us in the Qur’an, “The Jews and Christians will never be fully satisfied with you until you follow their respective religions.” ((The Holy Qur’an, Chapter al-Baqara 2:120)) It should matter to you naught! Be good and seek no reward. We do not let the pleasure of people guide our actions. We do not behave well towards goodness nor do we mete ill with evil. Jesus is recorded in Islamic sources as saying:

“Virtuous action does not consist in doing good to someone who has done good to you—that is merely returning a favor. Virtuous action consists in doing good [even] to those who have wronged you.” ((Walk on Water, The Wisdom of Jesus from Traditional Arabic Sources, Hamza Yusuf. This work cites Ahmad bin Hanbal as the source. Begging the esteemed Hamza Yusuf’s pardon, “[even]” added by the author for clarity and context.))

Thus, we behave as our beloved Prophet Muhammad, the servant and messenger of God, instructed and exemplified seeking only the pleasure of the very One Whom we —Jew, Christian and Muslim— worship as the One God who rules over all with Love and Mercy. Seek not the pleasure of mankind because they will never truly be pleased with you no matter what you do. Love and brotherhood in humanity are found in behaviors well beyond the realm of mere words. Ponder well. Let your attitude and behavior towards your Christian fellows speak louder than any bidding of “Merry Christmas” ever could.

“Guide us along the Straight Way. The way of those whom You have bestowed Your Grace. Not of those who earn Your anger, nor of those who go astray.” (Qur’an, 1:5-7)

When we examine these verses, we find that it has some very interesting qualities that make it a unique prayer. In a short examination of the above verses, especially the section we have highlighted, we will find guidance on:

1. Having humility as a servant of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (Glorified is He) in the community
2. Ascribing success to Allah (swt) and not to oneself
3. The comprehensiveness of Islam
4. The social nature of the Islamic message

As we explore the garden of Surah Fatihah, we will pick these four fruits for today.

1. Humility

In this prayer which Allah (swt) revealed to us, it is clear that we are to ask for guidance upon the Straight Way. However, the nature of this path, its location, its signs, its characteristics, and its direction are all left out. We are given no indication as to how to get there, how to find the map for it. Instead, the path is described in one single way: “The Path of Those Whom You Have Favored”.

It is interesting that rather than pointing to concepts or ideas for the individual to discover on one’s own, Allah (swt) pointed to people. He tells us that this path is found with those whom His favor is upon. What is the point of doing this?

It has immediately turned us into students. We are seeking this path and when Allah (swt) points to the people whom He has favored, our minds become fixed on seeking out these people. Who are they? How can we be like them? How can we join their company? Rather than allowing us to feel arrogant that we are on the Straight Path, we have been directed towards others who may already be there. But again…who are they?

“All who obey Allah and the Messenger are in the company of those on whom is the Grace of Allah, – of the prophets (who teach), the sincere (lovers of Truth), the witnesses (who testify), and the Righteous (who do good): Ah! what a beautiful fellowship!” (Qur’an 4:69)

And here we have:

-How to join this company: Obey Allah and the Messenger ﷺ (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).

-Who the company consists of: the Prophets, the Siddiqeen (the truthful sincere servants of God), the Shuhadaa (those who testify to the Truth with their speech, and if needed will defend the Truth and the innocent with their lives), and the Saliheen (those who are righteous in actions).

Allah (swt), then praises this group by calling it a beautiful fellowship.

By naming these four groups of people in the Qur’an as those whom the Grace of Allah is upon, He has pointed us not to a set of concepts, but to a community and a set of examples. From the teachings of the Prophets we take knowledge and the framework of Truth for all that follows. From the Siddiqin we derive the lessons and examples of sincere worship. From the Shuhada we see examples of those who act and struggle to testify to Truth. And from the Saliheen we see examples of righteous actions. So the one aiming for the Straight Path should seek out these people, their company, their examples, and learn from what they have.

This teaches the servant that he should think himself self-reliant in his journey towards God’s grace, but should remember that there are those in the past, and those in the community that he can seek out and be in good company with.

2. Ascribing Success to Allah

In mentioning the Straight Path, Allah (swt) does not simply provide a list of actions. Rather, He makes it clear that He is the One acting.

أَنْعَمْتَ – This word means “You bestow nai’mah (favor) upon” in reference to God. A subtle reminder that we are not the one’s who “earn” Allah’s grace, but that He gives it to us out of His mercy. Though we can attract his Mercy through sincerity, Allah (swt) is reminding us that it is not our deeds alone that bring guidance or forgiveness, but it is something that He bestows upon us as a Favor, a nai’mah. This again reminds the servant to be humble before Allah (swt).

3. The Comprehensiveness of Islam

Every group, methodology, and ideology will have some method or idea which it sees as the primary driver of Islamic reform for the individual and the community. Some groups oriented around Tasawwuf (self-improvement) will focus on spiritual purification. Others focused around societal change will focus on activism in the community – both social and political. Other organizations will focus on righteous deeds and worship. Yet others will focus on knowledge.

However we see that when Allah (swt) describes the people who have His Grace, they represent ALL of these various interests and agendas. They are according to Qur’an, 4:69:

–Nabiyeen/Prophets: The bearers of the Message of God, the deliverers of Knowledge from God to humanity, and the providers of the religious foundation for generation to come and all the groups that follow below.

–Siddiqeen/the Sincere and Truthful: Those whose hearts are purified and are sincere in their reverence for God and in their actions amongst people. Truthfulness emanates not only in their speech but in their actions, because their intentions are pure and for God alone.

–Shuhadaa/Witnesses: Those who actively strive to witness to the Truth under extraordinary circumstances, whether under threat of loss of life or wealth. They testify to Islam and call to goodness and benefit and may eventually find themselves giving all they have in order to defend innocent people and protect the lives of others.

–Saliheen/the Righteous: Those who dedicate extraordinary amounts of time to the doing of good deeds. Prayer, fasting, giving charity, visiting the sick, helping the orphan, remembering the name of God, reciting the Qur’an, and doing their utmost to have their limbs always in the worship of the Creator and in the service of His Creation.

It is amazing that in describing the people of the Straight path, the Qur’an mentions all of the various goals and methods – the seeking of knowledge, the purification of the soul, activism, and the doing of good deeds. Yet another testament to the fact that Islam is comprehensive, and calls for balance in the various priorities on the Straight path.

4. The Social Nature of the Islamic Message

By highlighting a set of people, instead of a list of to-dos, the Qur’an has pointed us towards a religion that is not individualistic, but is based around being part of a community. It is asking us to seek out people from whom we can learn, and good company with whom we can be.

As the Prophet ﷺ said, “A person is upon the religion of his/her friends.” The most intimate companions of a person will often affect his/her faith and will influence the direction of his/her life.  But if we know that we should seeking the knowledge and stay within the framework provided by the Prophet ﷺ, strive to be with people who show purity and sincerity as best as we can notice, spend time in circles of activism and call to good things, and work hard to do righteous actions and be in groups that do righteous actions, the Qur’an is telling us that while in that company, we are on the Straight Path – insha’Allah (God-willing).

Sources: Ma’riful Qur’an (Shafi Uthmani), Tafhim ul Qur’an (Maududi), Ibn Kathir, Tafsir Jalalayn

By Karim Serageldin

In the relationship work I do, I make sure we practice skills in session because I know change occurs through time and repetition. When couples go home with some new skills to practice, sometimes they come back to my office complaining that the growth did not take place. Sometimes they give up because it seems “too hard” or “forced.” I often ask myself, “Why is it so hard for people to change when they have the tools and just need to practice?” What is stopping us from being consistent? Over the years I have come to realize that there are mental blocks and natural fallbacks on the path to growth that we must be aware of in order to be empowered along the way. Here is my list to help guide us through the pulse of human growth!

1) Know the Keys to Growth.

Time + Repetition = Change

Time + Changes = Transformation

Time + Transformations = Mastery

Whether you want to learn how to play guitar, memorize Qur’an or instill a new relationship pattern, these keys will get you there. Know the keys and remember them often. Recall them when things get tough and you feel like giving up. Remember that nothing happens over night and every master was once a novice in their craft!

2) Know no one is perfect.

I often hear the following from couples that play the blame game, feel put down and give up easily.

“My husband tells me I am the problem and I need the counseling—not him.”

“She doesn’t want to do anything different, she thinks I can’t change.”

“He/she will never change, there is no point to this!”

Firstly, any human being that does not recognize that they can always learn and evolve as a person is ignorant and in even more need of growth! Both of you need to accept that each of you have potential for growth and sincere dedication is required to achieve anything. No one has the right to say, “I am fine and in no need to change,” or “I do not need new skills.”

This is a deadly delusion and will likely lead to many other failures in life.

3) Get comfortable with discomfort: The Pain Value System

Sometimes we know what we want but don’t know how to get it. I know I need to lose weight or improve my marriage but “I just can’t take that first step.” This lack of motivation is killed by the fear and anxiety of the discomfort of change. We like staying the same because it does not require any exertion. This is why we get stuck and before you know it, years go by and then you tell yourself, “It’s too late.”

We need to psychologically assess and accept the reality of discomfort with any change and get ready for it. Pain and hardship is inevitable in life. Get over it and stop expecting life to be a stream of undisturbed pleasure. No one is free from tests, trials and discomfort. This is the existential journey in which we grow and refine ourselves!

Since this is a fact, all of us must assess the pain between different paths of action as well as the gain of those paths. This is the pain value system.

For example: if I don’t like being overweight and recognize it gives me pain and discomfort, I may also see that having an exercise routine, eating better and sacrificing my midnight snack binges are also painful. Well, which one am I willing to be uncomfortable with? Both are paths that will be painful but which path will have greater gain and benefit for me in the long run? Stay fat or get fit? Hopefully this reasoning will help us break through that first step and realize “Enough is enough. I am going to suffer anyways so I might as well do what is best for me!”

In relationships, we must do what is best for “us.” Couples express how hard it will be to work on themselves or practice new skills. I tell them, “You are already suffering in this relational pattern so you might as well suffer in a path towards growth instead!” Push yourselves to practice skills and support one another! It is better to try changing with hard work, than stay stubborn and not work—both paths will be painful but one will end in pleasure and success!

4) Growth is incremental.

The keys to growth clearly show that things take time and happen in succession. We all know the saying, “Nothing happens over night.” Every step towards achievement is part of the achievement. To get to the top of the mountain where that epic view awaits, you have to take one step at a time. As we walk up the trail we may stop to rest, sit and reflect, hydrate or even fall down a few meters, but we have to keep going and move one foot at a time.

Growth has a pulse and it is not a direct line shooting up vertically or even at a smooth 45 degree angle. It usually has waves and crests much like the lifeline you see on a hospital monitor. As a Taoist proverb says, “It is better to move slowly than to stand still.” In Islam it is better to do a small good deed consistently than a huge deed once. Why? With time, those small deeds will become a mountain of goodness for you and change your character. In relationships the daily hug or smile you give your partner will result in a deeper intimate connection overtime. Research by Shaunti Feldhahn, a best selling author on relationships, has shown that it is the little things over time that make couples happier. For example saying, “I love you” to your wife or “Thank you” to your husband when he does something will take the edge off overtime and prevent conflict eruptions in the future besides increasing the connection and gratitude in your relationship.

5) Progress not Perfection.

One couple I worked with wanted to make the dawn prayer every day together. Before this they did not pray at dawn at all and the wife requested the husband wake them up to have this new spiritual habit. The following week she came in feeling like they failed and I asked why? She said, “We only prayed three times this past week.” I pointed out to her, “So you did make progress?” She thought for a moment and said, “Yeah, I guess we did.” I helped her see that she was too focused on praying everyday, the end goal, such that she overlooked the actual growth: praying three times that week verses zero!

The progress is more important than perfection. In fact, perfection is practically impossible. For those of you thinking, “Well what about mastery?” Mastery is still not perfection. Perfection is only for the Divine. Michael Jordan still missed some shots and Thomas Edison failed a thousand experiments before the light bulb. Yet we recognize them as masters in their trade and remember the achievements and progress they made—not the failures. This is a major block we have in relationships. We focus on the let downs and disappointments rather than the effort and small progress that is happening. We can’t get there and be there at the same time. Patience is at the heart of progress and staying consistent requires will power. We can give up easily if we frame our actual progress as “failure” in light of it not being “perfect.”

6) Relapses may occur.

Yes, old habits can die hard. You may have not shouted at your wife for three months then slipped up again. You may have prayed everyday for two weeks then only a few times the following week. You may have been at the gym all year then took a month off.

People are wired in certain ways and have habits and behavioral patterns. Change is not easy and from time to time a pulse or trigger goes off and we may act out or lose steam. It is not the end of the world! Get back to it and use your previous progress as proof that you can do it again and keep that change pulse vibrant! Some people are really disciplined and can maintain a new practice no matter what; others have relapses from time to time. Don’t see it as a failure but a change in frequency. The important thing is to keep your pulse alive no matter what! Remember this the next time your partner seems to have “gone back to their old ways.”

7) Appreciation & Reminders!

I always tell my clients, “Appreciation of kind acts leads to motivation to act kindly.” As humans we feel valued and honored when we are shown gratitude. When we feel validated we naturally want to do more for others. This is why a child can do the same act over and over again if they get praised. It literally feels like a sparkling light went off in the soul! Showing gratitude is so important I start my couple’s sessions off with each partner first voicing their gratitude to one another. Part of showing appreciation is to reward each other and ourselves through small tokens of gratitude, whether material, verbal or emotional. The human being likes incentives and our society is all about rewards; even the hereafter has a set of rewards in place for those who believed and did good! Bottom line—treat yourselves and treat each other from time to time for your achievements. This helps us feel like we can keep going and set milestones to look forward to.  Part of appreciation is to remind one another of our good traits, praise the qualities and acts we want to see more of. This validates us and makes us feel that inner light beam which will motivate us to keep going and trying!

Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, earned a BA in Psychology and Religion, obtained an MA in East-West Psychology and is a certified professional life coach. He worked in educational settings for several years and currently has a practice called Noor Human Consulting. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship development, family dynamics and youth coaching. Visit noorhumanconsulting.com for more information.

Originally published in June 2011.

Commanded to Love: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV

Many of us have a wide variety of masks that we put on throughout the day depending on whom we are with and what their expectations are. Some of these masks are masks of patience, masks of gratitude, or masks of kindness. But the ones who see the ‘true us’ are those we live with. They see our faults and the side of us that we would never show to the outside world. When talking to the sahaba (Companions) the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said, ‘The best of you are those whom are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family’ (Tirmidhi). One of the wisdoms we can take from this is that it’s easy to be kind to people when you only have to see them a few hours a week, or even a few hours a day. It’s easy to put on a smile and make someone feel like they are worth something when you know that the show you are putting on will end soon. But it takes work, effort, and perseverance to keep up that niceness and compassion with the people you see day-in and day-out. It is with your family that your true colors show. Through the narrations and commentary of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ , we know for a fact that he was not one to wear masks nor was he one to be fake and insincere.

One of these narrations is of the time when the Prophet came bursting into the house of our mother, Khadija radi Allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her), seeking refuge from the experience he had just been through and begging her to cover him up. After listening to the story of what had occurred in the cave, which we now know was the beginning of the revelation, Khadija (ra) didn’t rush to call him a mad man, laugh at him, or even feel sorry for him. Rather, she had full confidence that something amazing was happening by the will of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) because she knew of his noble qualities. She began to comfort him, reminding him of all the good things that he consistently did, assuring him that there is no way that Allah (swt) would abandon him or allow him to be experiencing this out of madness nor out of possession. She reminded him that he was always good to his relatives, was always true to his word, helped those who were in need, supported the weak, fed his guests and answered the calls of those who were in distress. Had this account of his actions come from extended family or even neighbors, it would be awe-inspiring, but it wouldn’t be as powerful as when it came from the lips of his wife. His wife, a woman who sees him in the different moments of his life, who sees him day and night, who knows him for who he really is when his guard may be down, testifies confidently that he is a man of honor and a man that would never let anyone down.

They say if you really want to know who a man is, ask his wife how he is at home when no strange eyes are watching. Our beloved Prophet ﷺ was the same man behind closed doors as he was in public. His deeds did not change depending on who he was with nor did it change depending on who was watching because he knew that the only One who mattered was Allah (swt), and Allah (swt) could see him no matter where he was. He was not two-faced nor did he switch between different masks. No, the Prophet ﷺ kept it real—no matter where he was.

Names of Allah Series:

In this journey through Allah’s Names, we have sought to go beyond an academic reading of His Names and attributes to see how Allah’s attributes manifest around us, and what it means for us to truly know Him. Our relationship with Him should feel like a relationship, and He invites us to strengthen that connection and love by revealing to us His Names and attributes. If you are ever feeling lost or confused, turn to Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) knowing that He hears and sees all. Read through the articles to remind yourself that Allah is always with you.

In this article, we will focus on Allah’s Name al-Wārith—the Inheritor. Allah says in the Qur’an:

“And indeed, it is We who give life and cause death, and We are the Inheritor.” (Qur’an, 15:23)

Allah (swt) is the Inheritor, who remains after all is gone. Al-Ghazali states that Allah (swt) is the one to whom possessions return after the owner passes, as He is the One who remains, so everything returns to Him. So what does this mean for us?

1- Everything is Allah’s, and all will return to Him. We are temporary possessors.

Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an:

“The Day they come forth nothing concerning them will be concealed from Allah. To whom belongs [all] sovereignty this Day? To Allah, the One, the Prevailing.” (Qur’an, 40:16)

This verse reminds us that ultimately the true Possessor is Allah, and everything we have returns to Him. Sheikh Ratib an-Nabulsi states that knowing that Allah (swt) is the Inheritor changes our relationship with what we perceive to be ‘ours’; it ceases to be a relationship based on ownership but rather one of responsibility and trusteeship. In this way we are not ‘entitled’ to our possessions, doing with them what we please, but rather we have to see what we have as things entrusted to us. A Bedouin was leading a camel, and was asked who the owner of the camel was. He replied, “It is Allah’s, in my hands.” Anything that we have is Allah’s, simply in our hands for the time being.

Imagine treating all your transactions as transactions with Allah (swt). How would that impact how you conducted yourself? What about seeing your own body as a gift from Him, would you take care of it better? Would you be as possessive with the cash in your pocket? Would it be so hard for you to give something away?

2- What do you want to leave? Know that the best thing that you can leave is your good deeds.

Sheikh Abdulrazzaq al-Bader says that every believer should know that his good deeds are the best things he can leave behind, because that is the true inheritance that actually remains. The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) gave us some examples of those things that remain:

“The good deeds that will reach a believer after his death are: knowledge which he learned and then spread; a righteous child whom he leaves behind; a copy of the Qur’an that he leaves as a legacy; a mosque that he built; a house that he built for wayfarers; a canal that he dug; or charity that he gave during his lifetime when he was in good health. These deeds will reach him after his death.” [Ibn Majah]

The Prophet ﷺ also said, “Whoever gives charity and that is the last of his deeds will enter Paradise.” [Ahmad]

If you focus on planting the good wherever you are, you can be of the people Allah speaks about in this verse: “That is Paradise, which We give as inheritance to those of Our servants who were fearing of Allah.” (Qur’an, 19:63)

3- Al-Wārith can allow you to inherit, if you are righteous

“And verily we have written in the Scripture, after the Reminder: My righteous slaves will inherit the earth.” (Qur’an, 21:105)

There are implications for the dunya (this life) in this Name as well. Allah reminds us that, ultimately, those who inherit the earth are not the powerful. He shows us the opposite: while they may have temporary power, they eventually fall, as many seemingly great but unjust empires did in the past. He reminds us to stick to the lofty characteristics of this religion, because injustice never wins. In the Qur’an, Allah (swt) tells us about a conversation between Moses `alayhi as salaam (peace be upon him), and his people:

“Said Moses to his people, “Seek help through Allah and be patient. Indeed, the earth belongs to Allah. He causes to inherit it whom He wills of His servants. And the [best] outcome is for the righteous.”” (Qur’an, 7:128)

The counsel of Moses is important. He is speaking to the Children of Israel in a difficult time, a time in which they are being oppressed. He reminds them to seek help through patience and prayer, and that this earth ultimately belongs to Allah (swt). The oppressors will not last, so never take your cue from them.

That is why the Prophet ﷺ also reminds us, “Do not be imma’a (imitators)… One who says, ‘I am with the people. If they do good, I do good also; and if they do evil, I also do evil.’ Rather, train yourselves to do good when others do good, but if they do evil, to refrain from their evil.” (Tirmidhi)

May Allah make us all of the righteous.