By Mohamed Abutaleb

If you missed the earlier article on 5 Mistakes of Young MSA Leaders, check it out here.

When I was first handed the reins of our MSA (Muslim Student Association) at the age of 18, I never imagined that it would lead to some of the most powerful leadership experiences I’d share at job interviews for more than a decade to come:  difficult personalities, budgets, crisis management, media, public speaking, and mediation. Many of my cabinet and successors shared the same experience. More than one credited his/her MSA experience in landing a great job.  Here are 5 tips on how to hone exceptional leadership experience throughout your years of service:

1. Become a Remarkable Listener – Whether in families, marriages, or MSAs, many of us are already busy preparing our rebuttal while the other person is still speaking to us. Resolve to become a remarkable listener. Hear not just what the person is saying, but what is beneath their words. Pause a lot, repeat what the person is saying, and let others do most of the talking. Be open to being wrong. So many times, the Qur’an reprimands people who “would not hear.”

2. Learn to be Loved and Hated – This is a tough one. Effective leadership commands respect and comes with honor but that also means it is a weighty responsibility and attracts jealousy, envy, and hatred. Find that tough balance between self-righteousness and stardom. Don’t be fooled into thinking every time someone disagrees with you, you’re the only one on the truth and Islam’s last defender. Moderate your opinions with mentors and a wise inner circle. To lead, you must also give up your dream of being popular or everyone’s best friend. If everyone’s always singing your praises, then you’re either insincere or not doing anything worthwhile – even the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) himself had those who opposed him.

3. Shift the Spotlight – The Prophet ﷺ says, “He who does not show gratitude to people, has not been truly thankful to Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – Exalted is He).” When you appreciate the investment of your team, you embody a small, human manifestation of the attribute in Allah’s Name As-Shakoor (The Appreciative) – the One who rewards His servants’ deeds beyond measure. Be quick to volunteer for the most difficult and least glamorous tasks, and the last to claim credit or seek worldly fame.

In our MSA, there was a brother who would pick up all the date pits during Ramadan and take out the trash before the assigned committee could ever get to it. None of us could figure out who he was. When that unknown brother broke his arm, all of the sudden, the date pits piled up and the trash bags weren’t collected. He never shared it with anyone, and I don’t think anyone figured it out but me. Forget the likes, fame, and people’s adoration – seeking to please Allah is true leadership.

4. Treasure Your Time – To truly excel, you must cultivate not only the discipline to avoid the prohibited (haram), but the courage to let go of some of the halal. We all only get 24 hours a day. Al-Hasan al-Basri says, “You are but a collection of days – when a day departs, so does a part of you.” Great leaders treasure their time more than others while remaining balanced, they spend less idle moments, turn off notifications, and moderate their consumption of entertainment. Beyond the x’s and o’s, they beg Allah to place baraka (blessing) in their time. Reading the stories of scholars is a great place to see this trait in action.

When I was 21, people told me that I was one of the stronger public speakers in the DC area. I was in trouble. I heard people calling me “scholar” when I didn’t even qualify as a student, and I was one of the more driven individuals in my circle of friends. Then I met a passionate speaker with few as equals, with a stronger command of both the Islamic and worldly sciences than I. Essentially, a person who made me feel he had accomplished more with his time in every facet that I was praised for. Great leaders have to find the self-security and courage to surround themselves with people who are better, faster, and smarter than them.

5. Renew, Restore, and Reinvest – It seems like the more technology we have, the less productive we are; the more messaging apps, the worse our actual communication; and the more stuff and clutter in our lives, the less focused we are on our actual purpose in existence. Do you realize that your great-grandparents lived in a world without television, personal computers, the Internet, and laundry machines? Do you know that just 12 years ago, neither YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, nor Snapchat even existed?

The five prayers give a natural structure to the day, and this ummah (global community) is blessed in the time of the early morning hours. Make a sincere intention to wake up for fajr prayer and stay up, and discipline yourself to structure your day. To do that, you have to sleep at a reasonable hour. Don’t start or end your day with emails or texts.  Don’t touch your phone, Facebook, Twitter, or whatever for at least the first hour. Start with a spiritual breakfast (prayer/dhikr – remembrance), exercise, and a healthy meal. Remember that to give back to others, you must first be healthy and whole yourself.

I ask Allah to grant you sincerity, patience, and fulfillment in carrying the trust and responsibility of MSA leadership.  I pray that it is a means of growth and development for you and those you serve, and a joy on the day you meet Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala).

—

Mohamed AbuTaleb serves as the Imam of the Islamic Association of Raleigh. He is a lifelong student of the Quran and Islamic studies and also shares a love of science and reason, having completed his Ph.D. and Master’s degrees in electrical engineering from MIT along with degrees in physics and mathematics from the University of Maryland.  Mohamed has traveled the United States extensively as a lecturer, trainer, and educator.  His style focuses on enabling audiences to couple transformative understanding with relevance to daily life, and to cut across labels and divisions through scholarship and dialogue.  You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube or on his website. 

We are sitting in the masjid. Front row, clean clothes on, ready to hear something that will inspire us, teach us, and give us gems of spiritual wisdom gleaned from the mountain of Prophethood. Our hearts fill with hope that today will be the day that a young, vibrant and dynamic speaker, or a wise, seasoned, and knowledgeable scholar will step up and deliver the message that our hearts so desperately yearn to hear.

A man steps up with a jumble of papers in his hand. He begins.

Speaking? No…Reading. Verbatim.

In an accent that makes us wonder if it was Arabic we just heard or an ancient form of Na’vi, “Today, we are going to learn about faith.”

The first fifteen minutes will be spent on telling you that iman means faith, belief.
The second ten will be spent telling you that you need more of it.
The last five will tell you that you suck for not having enough.

Your hopes are dashed almost immediately as you realize that there is no dynamic speaker or scholar today – but there is someone who is about to read to you the teacher’s notes from what might possibly be a second grade Sunday school class at the local masjid.

What will we do? First, we must understand that the purpose of the Friday khutbah is to remind, exhort, inspire, and engage the community on the spiritual, social, moral, ethical, philosophical, cultural, and political issues which affect it – and draw it all back to loving, serving, and glorifying God and improving the human condition. When the khutbah at any given masjid absolutely fails to do this on a long-term basis, we MUST bring it up to the management of the masjid in a polite, gentle, and eager manner. We cannot sit and complain if we are too lazy to advise and offer alternatives.

But on the actual day that we are delivered a khutbah which does not engage us, we still have a good alternative (excluding falling asleep or playing with our phones) – and that is to engage the khutbah ourselves.

First, we must learn to listen humbly to the khutbah. Then…we can actively engage it and have a good and productive time!

Part I: Points to Consider in Listening to the Khutbah

1. We worship Allah – we do not worship the spiritual high that may sometimes come with worshiping Allah. Often times, we are blessed with incredible feelings of profundity, awe, and grateful servitude when worshiping Our Creator. These feelings and states are mentioned in virtually all the books of tazkiyyah (purifying the soul). However, we should always strive to worship our Lord whether that feeling comes in a prayer or not, whether the khutbah is intellectually and spiritually stimulating, or not. The worship is to obey Allah’s command, not to chase a spiritual or intellectual high. One of the greatest mistakes of the saalik (one seeking spiritual closeness to God), is to focus on the spiritual high, and not on the worship itself. If the spiritual high ever falters, he begins to doubt his worship and may even become lazy in it. He has made his goal the feeling, not the actual act of obedience and submission to Allah.

So we should remind ourselves that just being in the masjid and listening to the sermon, is by itself a blessed opportunity to worship God and follow the Sunnah of His Prophet (saw).

2. We must be humble in what we think we know when we think we’ve heard something similar.

Shaykh Abdul Fattah Abu Ghuddah (may Allah have Mercy upon him) wrote:

“If a person started telling you or your group something that you know very well, you should pretend as if you do not know it. Do not rush to reveal your knowledge or to interfere with the speech. Instead, show your attention and concentration. The honorable follower Imam ‘Ata ibn Abi Rabah said: ‘A young man would tell me something that I may have heard before he was born. Nevertheless, I listen to him as if I have never heard it before.’

Khalid bin Safwan Al-Tamimi, who was with the two caliphs Omar bin Abdul Aziz; and Hisham bin Abdul Malik, said: ‘If a person tells you something you have heard before, or news that you already learned, do not interrupt him or her to exhibit your knowledge to those present. This is a rude and ill manner.’ The honorable Imam ‘Abdullah bin Wahab Al-Qurashi Al-Masri, a companion of Imam Malik, Al-Laith bin Sa’d, and Al-Thawri, said: ‘Sometimes a person would tell me a story that I have heard before his parents had wed. Yet I listen as if I have never heard it before.'”

Al-Hafiz Al-Khatib Al-Baghdadi said in a poem:

“A talk never interrupt
Though you know it in and out”

Recognizing that new shades of meaning, new contexts, and new ideas may be exposed to us about verses and ahaadith that we had heard before, should keep us humble and eager, listening for knowledge.

Often times, we will hear the beginning of a verse or hadith, and quickly complete it in our heads, mentally turning off our listening because we assume we already know exactly what will be quoted as well as how it will be explained. This practice, when it becomes a habit, will keep us from learning new, important, and amazing tidbits of knowledge in the Friday khutbahs.

3. Listen for gems. Every khutbah, even a bad, lazy, ill-prepared one, has at least one gem of reflection for you if you seek.

Even in the khutbahs which seem to be incredibly boring, or have been drawn verbatim from the most ancient Islamic text – we will find that the beauty of Prophetic wisdom still colors the speech and will bring to us at least one beautiful gems. In a khutbah I once listened to, as I was almost on the verge of slumber due to a long day at work, it was repeated over and over again that the dunya (this world) was bad. There was an almost drone-like recitation of various ayat with a lack of proper Arabic pronunciation that made me cringe, and English grammar which was reminiscent of Yoda from Star Wars.

Then suddenly as the khutbah drew to a close, he quoted Imam Ghazali’s beautiful analogy: “The believer is the ship and the dunya is the water. As long as the water remains outside the ship, it will sail through it. But once the water enters the ship, it will sink. So navigate through the dunya but do not let it enter your heart and sink you into itself.”

The analogy nearly brought a tear to my eye and I wondered what a loser I would have been had I just dozed off like the others had done or played with my phone or stared at the wall blankly. Regardless of who is speaking, if the khateeb is aiming to remind you about our Lord, we should pay attention, and such gems will find their way to our ears – and insha’Allah – our hearts.

Part II: Engage the Khutbah

4. Whenever repetitive advice is given, remember in your mind that you aren’t the best you could be at this and start taking down points in your head about how to improve.

Often times, the advice given in khutbahs is repetitive and not crafted in a manner that is particularly engaging. The khateeb may do little more than quote some verses and ahadeeth that you could have looked up yourself. There is no effort to make you think and make you ponder upon your condition –  and you have heard it hundreds of times before, from parents, teachers, Sunday school instructors, ‘ulama, other khateebs, and from books and lectures. This advice may be centered around:

• You should pray (more/better/on time);
• You should read Qur’an (more/better/with reflection);
• You should give charity (more);
• You should be kind to people;
• You should be more pious and aware of God;
• Etc.

None of the above statements are weak or simple. Behind them are oceans of wisdom. The people of knowledge and dynamic speakers have the blessing and ability to give the above advices their DUE RIGHT, and put them forward with the kind of zeal, energy, and enthusiasm, that the power and greatness of such advice deserves. Your khateeb on a given Friday may not.

Rather than smugly thinking to ourselves: “I know this advice” and tuning out the khateeb, the best way to benefit is turn the repetitive advice of the khateeb into a self-reflection and thinking process that will give you enough steam to last the rest of the khutbah while paying attention. Use the time to plan and strategize how you will implement the advice, instead of sitting there bored and sleepy. Examples are:

• Pray Better: “What can I actually do to make my prayer better. Should I learn more about what I am saying? Is there a way I can make sure I wake up for fajr? How can I focus better in Salah…maybe I should learn the translations and explanations of more Surahs, etc.”
• Read Qur’an: “What can I do to better my own relationship with the Qur’an? What is my favorite moment with the Quran that I can remember that made me realize how awesome God is and how wonderful His book is? How can I try and relive those moments and how should I begin reading again? What is my favorite surah and why do I love it so much?”
• Be Kind: “When do I lose the most patience with people and act without kindness? Am I rude to anyone? How can I be a better person in treating my family? My kids? Strangers?”

So, when it has become clear to us that the khutbah will be no more than a list of repetitive sentences about the same advice, we should take that time to actively begin finding our shortcomings in our application of that aspect of the deen, and start creating a strategy to better ourselves as we listen.

5. When Qur’anic verses are quoted without due justice to the message or meaning of the verse, begin pondering about the ayah and how it connects to what is being said. If you know the deeper explanation, ponder upon it.

Often times, a khateeb may quote a Qur’anic ayah and give a terrible translation or explanation of it that does not do it justice. Rather than becoming bored or upset about it or letting the verse go, think about the explanation you have read or learned and how you can better implement the message in your life.

If the khateeb says:

“And Indeed you (Oh Prophet) are upon the most supreme and excellent of character.”

and then does not provide any detail, we should start to think of all of the wonderful stories we know about how the Prophet’s character was beyond question. From his generosity to the weak, his kindness to his family, his tenderness towards slaves and orphans, his smile and attitude which would make each person feel that he was the most beloved to him. Then allow this to connect into the khutbah to fill in the blanks that the khateeb may not have filled in himself.

6. When Ahadith are quoted without explanation, think about the implications of the Ahadith in your life, and imagine what the context of the Prophet must have been like based on whatever information you have.

Many times, we hear various Ahadith repeated in khutbahs without due justice or connection to the subject matter. Often times we hear: “Actions are by intention” and we immediately become bored because we have heard that hadith ever since the beginning of our understanding of Islam.

Instead of becoming bored, we can ponder upon the state of our own intentions in every action we have taken that day, that week, or that month. We can think about what the Prophet’s environment was like at the time when the migration to Madinah had just occurred and some people had migrated for various reasons such as monetary gain or to marry someone, rather than for the sake of the Allah and His Messenger. We can imagine what it was like when the Companions heard the Prophet say this, and relayed it to each other. We can think about why so many hadith collections begin with this hadith.

If possible, try to place the hadith into the context of the Seerah of the Prophet and understand what life must have been like for the Companions when this Hadith was stated.

Allowing our minds to think, ponder, and reflect, will allow us to engage the hadith to call us to action and reflection, rather than almost arrogantly responding in our minds with: “I’ve heard that one already so many times!”

7. When all else fails, start drawing together all the knowledge and everything good you have heard on this subject and bring it to bear upon the material the khateeb is presenting. Focus upon softening your heart through these thoughts and letting them settle in your mind, and then focus on small practical steps to implement the advice of the khateeb.

If the khutbah (ex. about gratitude to God) is going extremely bad, and you understand for the 50th time that you should be grateful to Allah and no new information has been provided in the past 10 minutes, you should begin to think about every single hadith, verse, idea, beautiful thought, and awesome statement you have ever heard on gratitude toward Allah, and allow those thoughts to inspire you. Reflect upon them to make up for the lack of reflection in the khutbah and allow them to carry you away in the journey of reflection and implementation.

8. Don’t judge the khutbah, judge yourself.

No matter how bad a khutbah is, it is not a speech competition or a show. It is not meant to be picked apart by our critical – sometimes arrogant – minds for intellectual deconstruction over lunch.

The khutbah is meant to advise you and remind you. No matter how bad it might be, the point remains, we are not as good as we could be in pleasing Allah and perfecting ourselves as His slaves. Rather than focus on how bad it is in telling us to be grateful, we should focus on the actual idea of being grateful. Take the good, leave the bad. Be grateful that you are blessed with the guidance of being in the masjid.

9. For students of tajweed, Arabic, and Islamic studies:

Be careful of letting arrogance enter into your heart as your listen to the khutbah. Many khutbahs you hear may be given by people who have not studied the recitation of the Qur’an, the Arabic language, or any subjects in Islamic studies akin to what you have studied.

This can easily become an opportunity for Shaytan to come into the heart and whisper about how much more knowledge you have than this person and how it sucks for you to sit there and listen. This is a trick. Rather, think upon your own state 5 years, 10 years, 15 years ago, and be grateful that Allah brought you to hear His words today.

By Quazi Hussain

The United States Muslim community is facing an epidemic, which possibly extends elsewhere as well, but I can only speak for the country I reside in and actively participate in through whatever capacity I can. This epidemic is the absence of activity and participation of our future generation. This isn’t a conversation about liberal versus conservative nor is it about Islamic ideology or doctrine. This is merely a plea for the state of affairs of American Muslim youth at masajid (mosques) and their affinity to our sacred faith, or more specifically, lack thereof. The crisis at hand is affecting the vast majority of our communities and masajid across the board.

I would like to delve into possible reasons of said epidemic. Here in America, masajid have a very wide array of ideologies and beliefs that they hold as the standard. Unfortunately though, many do not allow for the acceptance of any other school of thought in practice, whether this be due to ignorance, culturally iconoclastic and myopic thinking, or merely intolerance to differences, I am uncertain, but that is a conversation for another day. The fact of the matter is that this is repulsive for the majority of youth. It is understandable to hold firmly onto matters of consensus, however most of the things that our youth get scolded for these days at the masjid are matters that are definitely not black and white and on some instances have huge room for varying opinion.

Furthermore, how many of our masajid are actually catering to our youth to foster a strong sense of understanding and embrace of our faith? “Why are masjids catering to the youth so much, and making everything entertainment?” These words recently left me speechless and dumbfounded. Are we expecting kids to come off the bat and pick up Sahih Bukhari and enjoy it and benefit from it? Are we expecting kids to somehow magically become responsible adults in the masjid who come for the sole purpose of worship? They wonder where all the youth are. They wonder why youth rarely show up to events “for the youth”. They wonder why youth don’t have a connection to the faith. Gee I wonder. I wonder how the youth could be so blasphemously apathetic, despite all the effort made for them. How can they not appreciate the Friday sermons catered to old men in a different language? How can they not appreciate a religion taught to them on a scope completely foreign to them? How can they run away from the mosque after being constantly harassed about their attire or their hair? These are questions that seriously need thought and reflection.

To begin with, we see a plethora of initiatives “for the youth” that may not be necessarily catering to the youth. How can you expect youth to show up without the effort of youth itself? I’m sorry to break it to you but the older generation will not attract and retain masses of youth. We see masajid all over trying to pull in the younger generation, and may Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) reward all those involved in trying with sincerity to do all that they can, but we really need to change our focus. We need to start asking the youth what they desire and what their needs are. Needs that are not limited to entertainment, but to understanding spiritual and mental wellbeing. How sad is it that we have masjid projects all over and in some cases, not only are youth not asked for their needs but they’re not even considered. Forget general youth, how can we expect to foster the community when often even the children of the community’s leaders are not asked about their needs, let alone the rest of the community. Additionally, we receive complaints that youth aren’t taking initiative. I have seen this time and time again that when said youth take that initiative, they do not receive the support and aid of the masjid and its resources. Sometimes the programs that youth are inclined towards most are not even organized and funded by the masjid itself. We are ready to spend millions on grandiose masajid, filled with minarets and the best decor, but we are not ready to spend on filling those plush carpets with blissful adolescence.

Secondly our Friday sermons really are not catering to American youth. People always say “but what about those uncles that need their dose of spirituality in (insert choice language)”. That’s perfectly understandable but let me ask you this. Those uncles and ammos that have continued to come to the Friday prayer for 10, 20, even 30 years will continue to come regardless of content, regardless of language, merely because of the religious obligation of the Jum’ah, will they not? However we need to ask ourselves, will youth come back to the masjid after hearing a sermon they couldn’t relate to or worse, even understand? Will they continue to come back when they haven’t cemented their religious obligation? For some people, not only youth, the Friday prayer is the only dose of spirituality they get every week. So should it not be something motivational to excel in our spirituality and religiosity rather than inflammatory, degrading, and belittling content that doesn’t inspire and sometimes rather deters the less religious crowd? How can we expect youth retention when sermons are alien to them and not catered to them at the slightest? (On a side note, this also applies to converts and new comers to the deen.)

Furthermore, we really need to start dealing with our youth with hiqmah (wisdom). “Knowledge is nothing without wisdom” as stated by a prominent scholar of the SF Bay Area, who went further to say that in the pursuit of knowledge we need to learn the wisdom to implement that knowledge. We forget that our Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) dealt with each individual differently and had different expectations for each. His wisdom with how he dealt with everyone to instill a sense of morality slowly and understandingly is something that we can really learn from. The amount of times kids get scolded for unwarranted reasons from people who have no right to scold them is too high! We have kids being yelled at for wearing shorts in the masjid, for having their hair a certain way, for not wearing a hijab or the “proper hijab”. Though I understand the house of Allah requires due respect and we should aim to appear as properly and presentably as possible, there is a certain way to instill that quality in youth and that most definitely is not via scolding.

When I was younger my friends and I used to play football near our masjid and whenever prayer time would come, we would think of going to the masjid in our current state (wearing shorts and such) and due to the fear of being scolded we would not and would hence often miss prayers. Note that we had the desire and remembrance of prayer time yet were hindered from obeying our Lord’s commands due to our community’s constituents, may He forgive us for all our shortcomings. I understand that going to the masjid in shorts, a tank top, or skinny jeans is not in the nearest bit preferable, however is it not better than not coming or not praying altogether, granted that what must be covered is covered. The amount of times that I myself got scolded for petty matters like this is ridiculous, but alhamdulillah (all praise be to God) by the help of those that guided me and mentored me, I understood my faith and thus that scolding did not turn me away from the masjid. However, this is not the case for most. The fact is, I know an endless amount of kids that never want to return to the masjid because of the way they were treated. Is there any hiqmah in dealing with kids in this manner? Do we expect our youth to gain a loving relationship with their Creator and His house if this is the way they are received? We know of a man who urinated in the sacred masjid of the Prophet ﷺ‎ and even he was not yelled at by our beloved Prophet ﷺ. Do those kids who are yearning and trying to connect to their Lord deserve being scolded then?

Lastly, a dense topic of its own but for the purpose of half of our youth, our beloved sisters definitely need acknowledgment. We want all of our girls to become exemplary women who resemble our mothers Khadija and Aisha radi Allahu ‘anhuma (may God be please with them). We want them to live to a certain standard and wish them to inculcate a level of modesty that is antithetical to everything modern society teaches us. It is beyond me to understand how we expect that to happen without enabling ample avenues of growth for our sisters. It is beyond me how we as a community do not promote female scholarship, and expect our sisters to learn to emulate our mother Khadija from bearded men with whom interaction is limited or nonexistent. Even more heinous is our attempt at keeping sisters away from masajid with the pretense that home is for the female. Wherever this notion started, I hope by now we realize that this doesn’t develop our Khadijas and on many countless occasions it induces a lot of repulsion to faith. Please understand that throwing on hijabs and `abayas (a type of long gown or dress typical of Arab culture) before establishing an understanding of faith does more harm than good. Our communities need to work hard to provide more access to female participation in all our activities and engagements.

The following is a list compiled at a recent Islamic conference in which youth anonymously sent in questions and concerns and it is something that should not be taken lightly. These are concerns that are alarming and should enable us to move forward in an attempt to foster the future we desire for our youth.

1. How are you supposed to love Islam, if your parents make you hate it? To be honest I’ve been trying to seek other religions due to my parents and how they make everything haram (impermissible).

2. What does Islam say about suicide? I used to wear the hijab but i took it off because I was bullied for it. I need hope and courage to put it back on, because I’m too afraid to. I’ve been battling major depression since I was young. How does Islam address depression? What does Islam say about self-harming?

3. My old Islamic school forced me to wear the scarf for 2 years which made me hate it and never want to put it on. It also made me hate my own religion and I don’t know how to find my way back to Islam, because I lost it all.

4. What should we do in times when in or outside of school we feel pressure and stress and we feel like there is nothing we can do or no one we can go to?

5. What do you say to parents who won’t let you marry young because of school? Literally struggling with pornography and I feel like I’ll never get over it.

6. All my life I’ve been told talking to the opposite sex is wrong, even if it’s in a friendly way, just to socialize. But is that right? Which makes me think of another question. Why do Muslims judge other Muslims quickly? To be honest it makes me not want to be around “my people”.

7. How can we deal with dating?

8. Where do we find faith in Allah?

9. What if you are a believer of Islam in front of your parents but behind them you are caught in a different religion? I love Islam but I never felt it was the right religion for me. What can I do?

10. What do you do if you really want to become religious but you’re afraid that other people will judge you?

This list of questions and comments taken directly and unfiltered from Muslim youth of California is something we really need to reflect on. When looked at initially there seems to be a general lack of faith, lack of understanding and a certain resentment of the faith in some cases. Though I am alarmed by some of the comments, my hope is restored by the overwhelming innate need for the creation to connect with the Creator. There may be some thoughts that are not healthy or troublesome, however you can clearly see a wide yearning for people to become more God conscious, more faithful, and more obedient; every single one of these yearnings are from our youth. It is our responsibility to satiate these yearnings in a manner that is lasting and effective. Our communities are indeed in peril. We have youth suffering from drug abuse, alcoholism and mental health issues. Our youth are increasingly smoking marijuana and having sex, amongst a plethora of harmful activities. It’s time to step into reality and realize the evasiveness of society. If you don’t believe me please take the liberty of looking up the statistics of these things among young Muslims. We need to remember that even some of our Prophet’s closest companions were prone to worldly prohibitions; our pure and innocent youth are no exception, regardless of how much they are “sheltered”.

We need to work to build healthy and sustainable relationships between our youth and their faith. A fearful relationship of the wrath of Hell is much less appealing than one that fosters a loving fear of Allah much like that of a relationship of a loving father, and not like that of an abusive father. We fear our loving fathers even as adults, not because of physical harm but because of disappointment after all they have done for us and thus want to make them proud. Whereas the relationship with an abusive father will forever hold resentment. We need to understand that faith and moral development is just like the physical development of a baby. Like a baby needs to start on the bottle and slowly transition into solid food in due time, a child needs to start their journey of faith suckled in by a bottle and not have what they cannot swallow shoved down their throat. Far too often is faith and morality shoved down throats, and as we all know, when that happens gag reflexes automatically kick in and people start to throw up what was shoved in.

Last but most definitely not least, we need to start building on foundations of our faith that are relative to this country and time. We need to have the people of this country including its youth be able to relate to the faith. When the faith is alien to understanding, how can we expect to get along with it? Think of it this way: many of our parents have a communication gap with their children even though they speak the same language. If that’s the case, then how can we expect no communication gap with our children and their faith that is predominantly delivered in a manner that is completely foreign to them. The Islam that was delivered to South Asia was different to that which was delivered to North Africa, though under the same banner and representative of the same beliefs, its details curtailed to each respective people of each respective time respective of the current state of affairs and status quo. Is it not only fair that we start delivering our Islam to the people of this land, to the state of current affairs and status quo of this land, and to the future betterment and fostering of this land which we hope to make fertile and harvest from it crops of benefit to society, crops that will nourish our future? We have an imperative to take action to actually implement change in our masajid and our communities in order to foster a bright future, a future full of young vibrant souls to carry on its legacy.

“There is nothing that has gentleness in it except that it is beautified, and there is nothing that has harshness in it except that it makes it ugly. So be calm, O Aisha!”

The above words were spoken by our beloved Messenger ﷺ to his wife, `A’isha radi allahu `anha (may Allah be please with her). A group of people had passed by the Prophet ﷺ and our Mother `A’isha, and said to him: “As-sa’amu `alaykum” (death be upon you).”  It was a wordplay on “As-salaamu `alaykum (peace be upon you)”, with the intent of ridiculing the Prophet ﷺ. `A’isha (ra) became so angry that she rose up and began yelling at them that death should be upon them, and the curse of God, and so on.

At this, the Prophet ﷺ turned towards her, and spoke these words, telling her to calm down, and not to lose her composure, even in the face of personal insult. This man, our Messenger ﷺ, was the pillar of tranquility in an ocean of chaos. Our mother Aisha (ra), did this out of a pure, sincere, and unyielding love for the Prophet (saw). Not out of any arrogance or pride. For her it was an anger rooted in love, a desire to protect her Prophet from those who hated him. May Allah be pleased with her.

When told to calm down, to stop being judgmental—the response comes in one of many flavors:

• “Brother, I am enjoining the good and forbidding the evil!”
• “We are defending the Sunnah!”
• “When people are harsh against the Sunnah, we will be harsh in defending it!”

And so on.

Over what kinds of issues? Not the serious lack of counseling services in the community. Not the difficulty that our youth are having in protecting their faith from intellectual attack. Not the issues of domestic abuse, poverty, family breakups or homelessness afflicting non-Muslims and Muslims around us.

But the length of our pants and whether or not they are above our ankles, the lengths of our beards, etc. Perhaps one’s adherence or lack thereof to a group or organization. What we think about pseudo-philosophical concepts about the essence of God’s attributes.  Such meanness and harshness occurs not over what is physically affecting people, but over a disagreement between opinions in our minds. Over varying textual interpretations that result in different legal opinions or a creedal points unknown to the majority of the world’s Muslims.

Why does this happen to us when almost nothing is more important in our religion than the subjugation of our egos to the Power and Oneness of God?

The Remedy

“Islam takes us and throws us so we fall totally in love with The Creator. Yet, somehow some of us turn it into a way to look down upon the creation.”

This happens because somewhere along the line in striving to love God, the ego—the innermost part of our soul which continuously wishes to be glorified and exalted over others—made our religiosity a means of doing just that. The religion exists to crush the ego, and enslave it towards the worship of its Creator.

When we say AllahuAkbar (God is the Greatest), the true meaning of this, when one explores Arabic grammar, is “God is the Greatest Above All Things”—including our loves, our hates, our desires, our weaknesses, our dreams, our hopes, our very essences. Success in reaching our desires is only through His permission, and the power to overcome our weaknesses is only through His Mercy. This phrase is formulated to remind us of Allah’s greatness over ourselves and over every element of our lives. It acknowledges the overwhelming power that is Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He).

On the ego’s path to enslavement and the realization of recognizing Allah (swt) alone as the sole object of adoration and love, our ego sought a way out so it would not have to undergo such tribulation and destruction; so that it would not have to give up its position as the one that is praised and feels valued.

That ego essentially hijacks the religiosity of the individual and takes it on a detour. What is that detour? Rather than letting Islam be Islam and allowing the soul to get lost in the wonders of Allah’s power, the limitless nature of His love, the magnanimous breadth of His Mercy, the immeasurable depth of His knowledge, the care and affection that He showers upon His creation—the ego detours the soul into LOVING ITSELF.

When the soul begins to love itself, it becomes dissatisfied with not only God, but with God’s creation. It sees its own knowledge, opinion, and worldview as superior to all others. In order to maintain its false notion of being humble, it will even fake humility to those on the outside: “I’m nobody, I’m not knowledgeable”—while secretly harboring contempt for all those who follow different opinions or ideas about Islam. It is easy to recognize this tendency in ourselves. It happens when our religious discourse, our religious speech, and our religious vocabulary become less about loving God, adoring his Messenger ﷺ, bettering ourselves and more about creedal disagreements, legal fine points, and how one group is bad or another is good.

When religion becomes more about how one person does not practice the way that pleases us  (even if we are correct in expressing the opinion of orthodox Islam) than about how we can please God, the religion has essentially turned into a tool to make us feel better about ourselves.

This does not mean we should turn off legitimate criticism in religious discourse. Enjoining the good and forbidding evil means that we must take an active interest in our communities, and in striving to develop our communities and our religious practices in a way that is healthy, natural, and allows Muslims from all backgrounds to be included and non-Muslims to feel welcome.

Rather, it is time we examine our deeper motives and feelings when we criticize and put forth negativity: “Am I criticizing and putting forth negativity because my criticism and the way I am putting it forth will actively help to prevent harm and bring benefit? Or am I criticizing to ridicule, make myself feel better, and make others see me as superior?”

Answering this question correctly and being sincere is the difference between the religious jerk and a servant of God.

Islam and the Internet Series: Intro | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IV

Food is a necessity in life. But keep over-eating (irrespective of nutritional value), and you can become overweight and obese. Eat unhealthy, fatty foods, and you get high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and other nasty illnesses and diseases. The Internet can be compared to our relationship with food. It is a great tool that provides us innumerable benefits. But if we over-indulge or keep ingesting unwholesome pieces and quantities, it can ruin our physical, spiritual and mental health.

With the plethora of content in cyberspace, it’s difficult to maneuver without feeling overwhelmed and virtually claustrophobic. It’s a challenge to be selective in what to read, who to talk to, and what activities to engage in. It’s a struggle to even turn off our electronic gadgets that constantly beep, flash and vibrate with new e-mails, updates, and instant messages. Someone or some group always wants to show and tell us something—always wanting immediate attention. If we comply—all the time—we’ll be hooked for good, and always waiting for more.

The Internet will gladly consume our thoughts and time, if we let it. Our unhealthy online habits can detract from nourishing our real-life interactions, from excelling at work or in school, from reading beneficial books and publications, and from spending quality time with friends and family. We can develop a horizontal approach, broadening our exposure to numerous people and information while developing little to no depth in any of our relationships or knowledge of certain subjects.  Our incessant perusal through other people’s pictures, videos, and blogs can make us aimless consumers, and distract us from leaving our own meaningful footprint in cyberspace. Worse, our online sins can develop into addictions that violate our moral code, eat away at our soul, translate into real-life sins, and sever our relationships with spouses and loved ones. If we find ourselves developing any of these problems, we might consider doing the following:

1.      Unplug. Log-off. Disconnect. Give your eyes (and ears) a break. Go to a park, or watch a sunset. Enjoy the solitude. Listen to the chirping birds, rustling leaves, and the streaming rivers and creeks. Praise God for the beauty in His creation. Bond with your spouse, children or siblings. Talk about your hopes, dreams, fears and needs. Have a cup of coffee with real friends, and connect in person. Catch up on all the unread messages in the Qur’an. Reflect on their meanings, and on your purpose in life. Try making these daily or weekly habits. Be present with your heart, mind, body and soul.

2.      Minimize. When you’re back online, think small. Take bite-size portions you can chew. Be selective. Choose quality over quantity. Read only some posts, watch only some videos. Maybe read an e-book instead. Remember to leave room for breathing space, and digestion. Try not to multi-task online. Don’t toggle between so many tabs and conversations, or jump from wall to wall, and post to post. Focus, process, reflect. Ponder on how you can apply new lessons in your life. Then take time away to implement.

3.      Refine. Think of your activities online. Evaluate your surfing, speaking, and spamming. Is it useful, appropriate, and modest? Is it impulsive or superfluous? Choose your words wisely, cautiously, courteously. If they’re with the opposite gender, make them kind but modest. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Try expressing thoughts and feelings in words, rather than using emoticons. Use proper grammar. Take the time to infuse your communication with excellence. Don’t abbreviate, abridge, and shorten where length is valued. Don’t expose, reveal and elongate where concealment is needed.  Before you share, post and forward, check if you’ve benefited and reflected.

Remember, from all the online struggles, addiction to viewing pornography can become a clinical problem. It is complicated by changes in brain chemistry, which are difficult to reverse. Don’t let it happen to you. If it already has, seek professional help to prevent further harm to you and your loved ones.

Finally, I’d like to share a passage from Elias Aboujaoude’s Virtually You: the Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality [p. 289 – 290]. It sums up the dangers and hopes for the new virtual phenomena quite eloquently:

Virtualism, as enabled especially by the Internet, is a major signpost in our journey through history. There can be no doubting that it has opened windows and brought opportunity—for social connection and outreach, for liberation from anxiety and doubt, for financial and personal success, and for self-realization and fulfillment. Similarly, there can be no doubt any longer the big experiment we are conducting with our psyches. To offer a psychological read of the virtual age is to offer a candid assessment of an encounter between humankind and a new type of machine—one that is not entirely inanimate; that can be alluring, deceptive, and addictive at the same time; and that can efficiently prey on our basic instincts and impulses, our need for amusement and information, and our never-ending search for longing, and self-betterment. Yet for all the problems and “for the worse” changes this machine might have introduced into our lives, we are not lesser for it; only much more complicated…I hope that we will someday be able to measure the World Wide Web’s legacy beyond gross domestic product indexes, efficiency gains, and the number of smiling emoticons flying through the ether. Only then can we honestly rejoice in the Internet’s many real bounties.

Originally published in February 2011.

By Sohaib Saeed

Online pursuits are consuming an increasing amount of time of young people, and no less the Muslims. Those among the 500 million global users of Facebook (FB) know how it functions as a platform for many of these activities (such as news, entertainment, correspondence, campaigning, da`wah), going far beyond its description of a social networking site.

As an avid Facebook user of a few years, I have tasted its fruits but also experienced the sickness of excess and felt the danger of getting lost among the trees. Whenever Muslims are faced with a new environment, they enter it carrying their principles with them. We also need a sound understanding (fiqh) of the realities of this environment and how to handle some of its specifics.

If I dwell here on the potential and actual problems with Muslims’ use of Facebook, that is not to de-emphasize the great things that can be done with it. I say this just a week after a dictator fell from power in Egypt, with social media playing its role.

Fittingly, the genesis of this article was a series of short FB statuses I posted over 2010, each of which generated interesting discussion from friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances and contacts (all of whom are designated by FB as “Friends”). Here, I shall address a few of the most crucial aspects for the conscious user to consider, with a few quotes from the original “Facebook Fiqh” series.

A Question of Time

If time is life, then Facebook is many people’s favorite weapon of suicide. We struggle to find time to seek beneficial knowledge, yet trivial comments about trivial matters get more than their fair share. Someone remarked on Imam Suhaib Webb’s FB “wall” that we check out people’s latest FB updates more frequently than we check our Qur’an to take benefits from its verses. That remark inspired the following status update:

Sohaib Saeed wants a “Like” button in his mus-haf (written text of the Qu’ran) next to each ayah. “Like OMG that’s so true!” 😉

In a recent discussion with some students of Islamic sciences, we wondered aloud how the great scholars of the past managed to be so prolific in their writings, and how they managed to utilize every moment of their – often quite short – lives. Someone raised the point that nowadays we do indeed manage to write a lot, but it is mostly spent on trivial discussions and debates. The angels are writing down all the useless things we say in our days and nights. What do you think if you gathered all the comments (other than social niceties) that you have left on Facebook and other such forums? For many of us, it would add up to at least a small book.

The technological aspects of Facebook, particularly with its ever-updating interface, can have an intoxicating effect. It is built upon the principle of maximal stimulation of the eyes and brain; it is not far from the imagination to compare it with hypnosis. All this has a long-term effect on the mind and on the spiritual heart. This is why our attitude to such time-consuming activities is to use them for a purpose (even if that purpose be recreation), and not allowing it to eat into time better spent on other things. For some, this may mean taking conscious note of how often they open the page, and how long is spent on each visit.

What are the signs of excess? Specialists in addiction can list a few, but let me point out one thing that I believe is frighteningly common. I noticed once that when Twitter went down for a few hours then resumed, someone commented on the experience, writing: “When Twitter went down, all I wanted to do was tweet about it!” Ridiculous, yet I would suggest that it is quite representative of a common urge to use these media as a natural outlet for all our thoughts, desires and emotions. As I once wrote:

“We express our thoughts in the form of a status update instead of turning to Allah with our fears and joys. The day of a believer should be a constant conversation with God.”

Is this constant babble not a blatant distraction from the remembrance of Allah? Yes, even when we are reading and forwarding religious content, if we do so with hearts unaware. To quote from Shaykh Abdallah Adhami’s FB comment: “By all means: share, post, sms, blog, im, email, tweet… (though most importantly, internalize)”. This is the point! If you read a supplication with your eyes, it is no use if your tongue remains dry and your heart remains silent. Is reading a du`a’ (supplication) anything like making du`a’? Many times, we write such things robotically in the same way we type “LOL” with a completely straight face. I won’t go so far as to call it lying, but it certainly is bizarre when you ponder on it!

Clicking “Like” is not a sign of commitment any more than saying “I love Allah.” The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was commanded to say, “If you should love Allah, then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful” (Qur’an 3:31). Our Islam is built on actions, not mere declarations.

Public and Private

Let’s be in no doubt that FB is a public space, though certain aspects (messaging) allow one-to-one communication. Even things you post on your own wall will come up on your friends’ homepages. Therefore, rather than merely decorating your home awaiting their arrival, you are actually dropping in on them every time you post something.

“If Facebook is like a public street, doesn’t it have rights? The first is lowering the gaze: not just from unseemly images, but from everything that doesn’t concern you. Think about it as hundreds of conversations are presented before you.”

The above FB Fiqh advice was based on a hadith (report concerning the Prophet ﷺ) reported in Sahih Muslim, in which Allah’s Messenger ﷺ questioned some people sitting in the road and instructed them to avoid doing so.  When these Companions explained their purpose, the Prophet ﷺ said: “If you must sit, then fulfill the rights of the road: lower your gaze, respond to greetings and talk in a good manner.”

Not only does Facebook make it all too easy to look at pictures of members of the opposite sex and personal details we have no business knowing, but it makes it tempting to pore through threads of comments that at best, are a complete waste our time, and at worst, involve a level of prying. Just as we take responsibility for what we post, we should also be ethical in what we access. Ask yourself: if that group of friends were chatting amongstthemselves, would I feel right standing nearby and listening in?

Many of the problems with people’s Facebook usage stem from the confusion between public and private spaces. Consider a few such cases:

1. Saying aloud what ought to have been silent, or sharing with everyone what belongs to a certain group.

Such a public forum is not the ideal place for potentially confusing ideas – such as controversial questions of theology – to be shared, as people without the relevant background knowledge may get the wrong idea.

Moreover, Facebook is not the place to develop your thoughts, wondering aloud with things that could cause others to doubt. If you have a question, direct it to someone who knows. If you’re working on an idea, try keeping a private journal.

Most importantly, beware of spreading unsubstantiated rumors. If in doubt, clarify and make certain of the reality, as the Qur’an (49:6) instructs. The following is also a thinking point:

The Prophet ﷺ said: “It is enough of a lie for a person to narrate everything he hears.” (Sahih Muslim) So how about one who narrates every fleeting thought he hears from his self?

In short: before posting anything, ask yourself “Why?” – is it something that will be of interest or benefit to those who will read it?

2. Doing things shamelessly in front of respected people and near-strangers.

Examples of this include using bad language, or writing flirtatious things in plain sight of people who could make hasty – possibly unfair – judgments. Perhaps someone would suggest that writing on the FB wall of someone of the opposite gender is more appropriate than a private message, but that is only true if the public nature of the communication does not become an excuse for a lack of etiquette.

People are clicking “Like” for the craziest things, associating themselves sometimes with immoral and unethical people and ideas, and promoting this on the newsfeeds of all their friends. It would be wise to slow down and think, if only for the following reason:

Be careful whom you love and “Like” – do you want them by your side on Judgment Day? The Prophet ﷺ said: “You are with whomever you love.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

Another common sight is photos of sinful activities, with Muslim friends pictured in compromising positions. Rather than uploading and tagging photos of these lapses, the right course of action is immediate repentance, as in the hadith: “All my nation are safe except those who publicise their sins. A servant does an evil deed by night, and wakes up having Allah’s cover upon him. Then he tells someone, ‘I did such-and-such last night!’ – He went to bed with Allah providing him cover, and woke up to throw off Allah’s cover.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

Privacy in general is a major and widely discussed issue of concern regarding Facebook, so a Muslim should be even more aware of the issue. Both sisters and brothers need to beware of broadcasting details that could be misused, and especially pictures in which they are more exposed than they ought to be in public. Even a “private” FB album is never truly private, when you think about it.

These few thoughts on Facebook Fiqh are by no means exhaustive, but I hope they provide a starting point to a greater consciousness and care when using new technology and emerging media.

10 Steps to Ace Your Exams: Part I | Part II | Part III

This article is the first in a series entitled “10 Steps to Ace Your Exams,” in which I hope to extract gems from traditional Islamic sources that would be of benefit to students struggling to revise for their exams.

1. Aim Higher

The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said, “Allah has made excellence (ihsan) obligatory for everything, so when you sacrifice, sacrifice excellently; and when you slaughter an animal, then perform the slaughter excellently; and let any of you sharpen his knife and let him put the animal at ease.” [Muslim]

If you are a student who is going to sit an exam in the near future, I have a simple exercise for you. Ask yourself: how well do you want to do in your exams?

I’m sure everyone will say “good” but just how good is “good?” And why not “great,” “amazing” or even “stupendous?” Sometimes we can become complacent and start lowering our standards, claiming to have a “realistic” outlook on life, as opposed to tainting our lens with self-pity, which is what we are actually doing. At the beginning of the year, it seems like the sky’s the limit when it comes to what we can achieve, but by the time it comes to exams, we have successfully convinced ourselves that the limit is, in fact, the sky. We start to believe that the only hope we have is to somehow scrape by with a pass and anything more than that would be nothing short of divine intervention from above the Seven Heavens.

Islam, however, tells us something quite different. In fact, the Prophet ﷺ said that Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) commanded us not only to raise our standards and expectations but to fix them right at the top! For Muslims, the sky’s not the limit! Paradise is. And not just any level of Paradise, but as the Prophet ﷺ instructed us to ask Allah (swt) – the highest level of Paradise, al-Firdous al-A`la! Not only is our desired destination incredibly high, but the One who is commanding us to institute excellence in everything we do, the One to whom we pray for the highest level of Paradise, is the Highest – something of which we remind ourselves on a daily basis while we prostrate in our prayers.

We must realize that just as it is an obligation to pray five times a day, to be respectful towards our parents and to be truthful, it is also an obligation to try to do everything – including our revision – to the best of our actual ability. I emphasize the word “actual” because striving for excellence entails finding out what we are actually capable of, by aiming to do the best every time and seeking expert advice in overcoming any perceived limitations to our overall ability. Past performances in exams or our vague “feelings” as to what we can achieve are not really good indicators of our true ability. If they were, most of us wouldn’t have progressed beyond an elementary understanding of math because at one point in time, we all struggled with a math equation or two. Thankfully, we persisted, and with a little of bit of effort and a lot of help from our teachers, we were able to jump those initial hurdles and move on to bigger and better things. If we adopt the same attitude with regards to all our abilities, we’ll have a much better understanding of our true ability and then be able to perform to the best of our ability and practice ihsan as God commanded us!

So the next time we start to feel our standards slip and we can feel those negative thoughts slowly seep into our minds, let us remember the words of the Prophet ﷺ and use that remembrance as a knife to “sacrifice” that self-pity, excellently, putting our minds at ease. As we remind ourselves of these words more often, our “knife” will sharpen and we will become more determined, more focused and more willing to do anything and everything to be the best that we can actually be. Let us not aim to just “pass” or do “well” in our exam. Let us aim to ace our exams like no man/woman/young person has done before. Absolute perfection is reserved for Allah (swt) alone, but excellence is something that we can all achieve, so long as it is for His sake and His sake alone: “And whoever submits his face to Allah while he is a doer of good – then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold. And to Allah will be the outcome of [all] matters.” (Qur’an 31:22)

In our next article, we will explore practical ways in which we can direct ourselves completely to Allah (swt) while revising, God willing.

Photo: Rehan Shaikh

I doubt you can recognize us anymore. It’s difficult to live up to who you thought we would be and everything you wanted us to become. We wanted that for ourselves, too. We never imagined it would be like this, that it would be this hard. But should you ever find yourself wondering where we are, know this: You will never have to look too far.

We are a part of you, and you of us. We are the pulse of your heart—without us, you are nothing—for we are the reflection of your efforts and the manifestation of your actions, the sigh of relief at the end of a long day and the ache that keeps you up at night. We are your downfall and your only hope, your heartbreak and your salvation. You are a reflection of us just as we are a reflection of you, and while we define each other, together, we define the future.

Find us, learn us, save us.

We are inhabitants of a digital world. We are navigating our way through tweets and statuses, through profiles and articles and newsfeeds, essentially scrolling our lives away. Because this is how we live: gazing out of monitors instead of windows, choosing the hum of a laptop over the thrum of the trees, taking pictures of thousands of brilliant sunsets that we’ve never really seen. We make wishes on blinking lights instead of shooting stars. We ignore the glorious earth that we are destined to become a part of. Don’t let the only light in our eyes be reflections of the screens that surround us. Don’t let the last fleeting thought before we reluctantly put our phones down to go to sleep be the profound feeling of missing something we’ve never really known.

We are home. Home is here. We are not from a land in which the adhan (call to prayer) echoes off the rooftops of a small village, nor from a land in which rays of light reflect off of countless minarets as the sun lazily returns to rest. We cannot promise to walk life with the confidence you carry in the faith that wove into your culture hundreds of years before you were born. We cannot promise that our tongues will roll as smoothly over the beautiful language your mouth is accustomed to carrying, nor to always wear the clothes that symbolize the rich legacy of your homeland that you don with your stunning, melancholy pride. We are looking for home on this shore thousands of miles from your own. We are finding home in this land you sought opportunity for us in, a land that, oddly enough, is often as unfamiliar to us as it is to you. We are making home in the journey. We are home.

Islam is strange to us. Islam is strange to this country, to this culture, to this media, to this society, to these schools, these books, and these people—our people. It is strange to us.

It is a religion we are still learning to love and that’s the heavy truth that you might not be ready to hear. We try not to find it where it is shoved at us: on the news story blaring about the terror wreaked by those plagued by ignorance, in the bitter words strung together by the nation’s top analysts and the books that vehemently line shelves, drawing countless readers into the defamation they perpetuate. We try not to find it in the subtle nuances that our teachers and peers disguise their remarks in, nor in the resentful glances that are haphazardly hurled our way the day after a particularly nasty story airs.

Instead, we find Islam in the room at the end of the hall that’s usually emptied around two o’clock, where a couple of us can pray in between classes. We find it in the knowing smile exchanged with the lady who we always see shopping at Target, the one whose kids always tug on her headscarf while she tries to pay the cashier. We find it in the verse that we’ve heard a thousand times that never ceases to startle us, in the reluctance of our heads to get up from prostration after a long day, in the moments our hearts ache for a fulfillment that this world cannot provide. We find it in the serendipity that allows us to conclude that good things don’t happen to us—they happen for us, and in the knowledge of the One Who we forget despite all that He does to cause us to remember.

Have faith in us.

Do not prevent us from falling, for fall we must. But understand that walking a paved road is not the same as forging one’s own path. We are aliens to this land and often to you: unrecognizable to those who birthed us and to the land we are born to. Do not let us be extrinsic. Bring us back to you. Remind us who we are because while everyone sees the flower and sometimes the thorns, you are the roots. Keep us grounded and keep us safe. Don’t prevent us from crossing the street, but teach us to look both ways. We know you worry. We worry too—all the time. There is so much at stake. The future of our Hereafter is no small price to pay. But let us find our way there, our way, and know that while our paths will not be the same, they will inevitably merge. But if you ever feel as though we are going too far, moving too fast, know that with every step we take we promise to look back for your blessing, your guidance, your prayers, and if you ever feel the distance is too great, that we are going too far too fast, that we won’t come back to you—

Don’t mind the gap. Let us grow in that space instead.

—

Editorial Note: A response to this letter was published a few weeks later titled, “From the 40 Somethings.”

Photo: Brook Ward

Names of Allah Series:  Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX | Part XX | Part XXI | Part XXII | Part XXIII | Part XXIV | Part XXV | Part XXVI | Part XXVII | Part XXVIII | Part XXIX | Part XXX | Part XXXI | Part XXXII | Part XXXIII | Part XXXIV | Part XXXV | Part XXXVI |Part XXXVII | Part XXXVIII | Part XXXIX | Part XXXX | Part XXXXI | Part XXXXII | Part XXXXIII 

We have different categories of friends. Some friends are fun to hang out with, but that is pretty much it; you cannot exactly rely on them. Other friends are there for you but don’t always give you the best advice. But there are some friends – or that one friend – that truly has your back. The friend you would call to bail you out, because you have no doubt that they will, no matter how much trouble you are in. This friend is actually protective of you. Think for a moment: do you have a friend like that?

Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala (Exhalted is He), tells us that He is that Protective Friend. He is al-Wali. Allah says in the Qur’an:

“And it is He who sends down the rain after they had despaired and spreads His mercy. And He is the Protective Friend (al-Wali), the Praiseworthy.” (Qur’an, 42:28)

When looking into the root of this word, we cannot help but feel close to Allah (swt). The nuances that come with understanding His Names and the relationship of those Names with us shows us the beautiful intimacy of Allah’s knowledge of His servants. Al-Wali comes from the three-letter root: w-l-y. The root of the word means to be very close, without any barrier. For example, if someone was sitting somewhere, the person right next to him – not separated by anyone else – is the one yaleehi or the wali:

وجَلَسَ ممّا يَلِيني، أي يُقارِبُني

Hence it also has the following meanings: to be a friend and a helper; to defend and to guard. Al-Ghazali states that al-Wali is also “lover and protector.”

And so what does it mean for Allah (swt) to be al-Wali – the Protective Friend? It means that He has your back. He could have just been a ‘friend,’ but some friends are flaky. Abu Abdullah ‘Amr bin Al-‘as, radi Allahu ‘anhu (may Allah be pleased with him), said that he heard the Messenger of Allah ﷺ (peace be upon him) saying openly not secretly, “The family of so-and-so (i.e., Abu Talib) are not my supporters (awliya’). My supporter (wali) is Allah and the righteous believing people. But they (that family) have kinship with whom I will maintain the ties of kinship.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

He is the true Wali, demonstrating His closeness to you and His protectiveness of you. This beautiful verse encapsulates how Allah (swt) manifests this attribute in our lives:

“Allah is the wali of those who believe. He brings them out from darknesses into the light…” (Qur’an, 2:257)

Allah says He is the Protective Friend of those who believe. Nouman Ali Khan explained that Allah did not use the word mu’minoon meaning “the believers.” He said “those who believed.” Who are they? They are the people who have entered into iman (faith) but it has not settled in their hearts yet. He is the Protective Friend of those people! Not the perfect ones, but the ones who struggle- the ones who are not there yet. And how is He a Protective Friend? He has the constant attribute of pulling them – pulling us, those who go up and down in their faith – out of darknesses, and bringing us into light. Not just one time, but over and over again. Just like He forgives over and over, He has your back always.

This is the general meaning of Allah (swt) being al-Wali. There is the general meaning of this Name, and then the specific one- the wilaya of those who are close to Him. Look at what Allah al-Wali said to the Prophet ﷺ:

“And be patient, [O Muhammad], for the decision of your Lord, for indeed, you are in Our eyes…” (Qur’an, 52:48)

While we all enjoy this friendship with Allah (swt), those who take their relationship with Him seriously, and do what they can to cultivate this relationship and be true slaves of the Most-Merciful, receive the special protection and friendship. This is alluded to in the hadith qudsi, where Allah (swt) tells us that:

“Whosoever acts with enmity towards a closer servant of Mine (Wali), I will indeed declare war against him. Nothing endears My servant to Me than doing of what I have made obligatory upon him to do. And My servant continues to draw nearer to Me with the supererogatory (nawafil) so that I shall love him. When I love him, I shall be his hearing with which he shall hear, his sight with which he shall see, his hands with which he shall hold, and his feet with which he shall walk. And if he asks (something) of Me, I shall surely give it to him, and if he takes refuge in Me, I shall certainly grant him it.” (Bukhari)

By focusing on what Allah loves – the obligatory acts – we begin on this journey of closeness to Him. And it is not just by doing the actions, but understanding the true meaning behind them: seeking to connect to Him with our prayer; restraining the lower self when we fast; being humble when we give charity; and remembering that we are brothers and sisters when we perform the Hajj (greater pilgrimage). Then by moving on and adding those things that are voluntary, we become beloved to Him, and then become part of His special friendship and protection. Al-Ghazali states that the one who is a wali of Allah befriends His friends, and shows enmity towards His enemies. And who are the enemies? “One’s own [lower] self and Satan.” The fruit of that is having neither fear nor grieving (Qur’an, 10:62).

We have countless examples from the life of the Prophet ﷺ. The people of Qureish in Makkah were planning on assassinating the Prophet ﷺ. On that night, he escaped Madinah with his closest friend, Abu Bakr (ra), but they were followed by his would-be assassins. So the Prophet ﷺ and Abu Bakr hid in the Cave of Thawr, but they were followed there too. They were inches away from being discovered by their persecutors and with calm, the Prophet ﷺ said to Abu Bakr (ra): “Do not be sad, Allah is with us.” And they were not discovered and were able to make it to the security of the city of Madinah.

Look at what happened to Aisha (ra), the beloved wife of the Prophet ﷺ. She was the subject of a horrible rumor that attacked her very character and morals. But she was very sick for a whole month, and had no idea what was going on. That sickness was a protection for her. When she was better and finally made aware of the rumors, she was devastated. But that only lasted 3 days. She was hoping the Prophet ﷺ would receive a vision declaring her innocence, but something even more amazing happened. Verses of the Qur’an were revealed in Surat an-Nur (the Chapter of Light), so that there could be no ambiguity about her innocence.

In understanding this concept of wilaya, we need to go beyond the superficial. It is not just external protection that Allah (swt) gives; it is also the internal strength and tranquility that enables us to withstand the external hardships that is gifted to us. There will always be external struggles in this world, especially when we are striving to do good. The life of the Prophet ﷺ was not easy, nor was it for the companions or those who strived and continue to strive for justice and goodness for His sake. But the awliya’ (the recipients of His special friendship and protection) are given a tranquility to continue, and the vision to see beyond the superficial nature of things.

So do not worry. Allah (swt) is your Protective Friend. He has your back. Strive for Him and be ambitious in your goals, and do not let fear prevent you from doing good. As the Qur’an tells us:

“Indeed, my protector (wali) is Allah, who has sent down the Book; and He is an ally to the righteous.” (Qur’an, 7:196)

May we enhance the relationship with the Best Friend we could ask for, our Wali, Allah (swt).

—

More on Al-Wali in this article: https://www.virtualmosque.com/personaldvlpt/character/to-become-allahs-wali/

Photo: Justin Kiner

My Perspective Counts: Part I

In this series of My Perspective Counts, we will be exploring the unique and inspiring lives of Muslims from all backgrounds, faith practices, age ranges and all other variables. Through interviews, we will learn about their struggles, perspectives, passions and wisdom. The following questions were specifically tailored to this young Muslim woman.

Tell us a little about yourself: Your name, grade, personality/interests, a little background on where you grew up and your family. 

My name is Ramsha. Even though I’ll be 13 in about 3 months, I’m a rising 8th grader. I’m a “girly girl” who loves nail polish and clothes. My little sister is also my little model! I also have a younger brother and a loving mom and dad. I was born in the United States but I grew up in Vancouver, Canada. I lived there for about 12 years.

As a young person, you seem interested in Islam. How did that start and what role does Islam play in your life?

Islam is my way of life. But it wasn’t always like that. About 3 years ago my parents went for Hajj. When they came back, I saw that they were more practicing. We started to put more deen (religion) into our lives. I started to wear the hijab (head covering) not too long ago. I got my first job delivering newspapers last year. My mom didn’t tell me to wear the hijab or not. She just said, “It’s your choice, but I’m telling you, it’s better to start from day one rather than from the middle.” I decided to start wearing it from that day. It was actually the day before my 12th birthday. As I started wearing the hijab, I felt myself getting stronger and stronger in my faith. It was just like lip balm. It contains an ingredient that makes it addictive, so the more you put on, the more you need. All it took was for my mom to give my wagon a little push.

What are some of the challenges you face as a young Muslim woman?

People at school come up to me with many questions. Some I didn’t know how to answer at that time. For example, this girl once asked me, “If you have Jesus, Moses, and Noah in your religion, why aren’t you Christian?” Of course I don’t answer every question I get, because we are all still learning. Others can have really long answers. I once posted a picture saying, “Smile! It’s sunnah!” The following day, everyone was asking me what sunnah was. Others are just plain silly. Along with the usual “Do you have hair/ears?”, the weirdest question I have ever gotten was, “Do you have Voldemort hidden in the back of your head?”

Another thing I face is stereotypes. I have had people at school dare each other to tell me racist jokes and ask me racist questions like, “Your mom is so stupid she thought the twin towers were runways,” and, “Have your parents ever belonged to a terrorist organization?” Of course they did get caught, but I felt sad that this is what they think of Muslims.

Please share a story of a time where you explained Islam to someone else. What did they ask, what did you say and how was your experience?

I was once going out on the field after lunch when a girl came and asked me, “What are you?” I decided that because she was my age I could joke around with her. So I said, “Oh, I’m a human,” and our conversation continued:

Her: Yeah, I can see that but like what part of India are you from?

Me: It may seem surprising but I am not Indian. I am from Canada. I am just Muslim. It’s a religion, not an ethnicity.

Her: So, why do you wear that on your head?

Me: I’m obeying God’s orders. And it’s not just in Islam. For example, even in your church, you never see a picture of Virgin Mary with her head uncovered.

Her: I understand. But aren’t you hot?

Me: Honestly, yes. I can get a bit sweaty, but the human body’s an amazing machine. It can get used to anything. And besides, it’s just like a hat protecting me from the sun.

Her: I wish I was you. It gets really hot here in South Carolina.

I felt really excited and gave a smile.

Her: Hey, do you know that guy Osama bin Laden?

Me: I know what you’re going to ask. And no, I don’t look up to him. Even though he was Muslim, he was also misguided, got lost, went astray.

Her: Oh ok. Hey, my sister told me you guys pray 500 times a day. Is that true?

Me: [giggles] No, it’s only five. One at the break of dawn, one after midday, one when the sun is at eye level, one when it sets, and one when the sky is completely dark.

Her: Oh, so do you pray at school?

Me: Before the time change, I used to go behind the curtain to pray at lunch. When the clocks moved forward, I could pray my noon prayer as soon as I got home, if my bus was on time.

Just then, a boy tapped me on the shoulder.

Me: Could you please not touch me?

Her: Oh, you don’t like being touched?

I quoted directly from the seminar: In Islam, there is no touchy-feely, no try-it-before-you-buy-it, and such. I am the one in control of who touches me.

Her: So are you allowed to have, like, a boyfriend?

Me: No, but-

Her: Then how do you get married?

Me: If I like someone, then I tell my parents. It’s their job to invite his family over and find out from who’s in their family history, all the way to what do they post on instagram. So basically the parents do the dating for you.

Her: I thought that the parents choose for you?

Me: That is an option though.

[bell rings]

That girl and I ended up becoming good friends.

Anything else you’d like to share?

I would like to tell every Muslim girl: remind yourself that it’s all temporary. Don’t get attached. Look in the mirror and say, “I am a Muslimah; I am strong, and I am beautiful.”

I would also like to share a few good books (other than the Qur’an, of course) that I have come across. There is “Reclaim Your Heart” by Yasmin Mogahed and “The Prophet’s Methods of Correcting People’s Mistakes” by Muhammad Salih al-Munajjid. I also follow @islamicquotes on Instagram and would like to give them a shoutout.

—Ramsha