One think that this brings to mind is that people discount the abuse hijab wearing women get in the States. I’ve been yelled at–even while pregnant and walking with my 3 year old. I’ve had people yell at me out their car window–telling me to go back to where I came from. Granted this is the South–where people tend to be a bit more Islamophobic–but it has happened. It’s bad enough to be threatened oneself-it raises it 1000x times when one has young innocent children with them.

Muslim women carry the burden of being publicly Muslim–while Muslim men, more often than not, wear Western clothes and “fit in.”

So, it’s normal to want to try and fit in just a bit… to appear “less extreme.” And yes, when it’s 100 degrees outside, it is tempting to push up one’s long sleeves or go for capri pants over full-length–especially if one’s standing next to their husband who is in a t-shirt and shorts, complaining about the heat.

I would like to say, be gentle on those sisters–because, to the World, they are visibly Muslim. I was on the subway in DC, and there was a young sister on the subway wearing short-sleeves and a hijab. At first, I thought…”What? Why is she doing that?? She should have long sleeves on.” Then I realized that nobody on the train saw the short sleeves. They saw the hijab. The scarf that said to the world that she was a Muslim. That’s all the world, especially in the States, sees if a woman has bangs showing… or pushes up her sleeves a bit as well. Those are invisible to non-Muslims. She’s still dressed 10000x more modest than any American. She’s still, quite publicly a Muslim woman in a very very hostile environment. So rather than criticizing her, applaud her for her conviction of faith. he gets enough crap from the outside world. I’ve seen girls who did grow up wearing hijab, proudly… stop… after some “well-meaning” brother or sister told them that their hijab wasn’t perfect enough. They figured, why should I bother?

My advice… applaud any effort of any person to be visibly Muslim. Let Allah(swt) work on her from the inside if Allah(swt) thinks her sleeves should be longer.

Peace.

This goes for both genders. Many a time there are ‘hijabi’ or bearded brothers without this ‘inner hijab’ of haya’ and modesty between each other. Sadly, this is more of a problem amongst those who want to practice the deen. The name is deen and the deed is shahwa.

I have a question that I wanted to ask Br. Suhaib and the other readers of this blog. I wanted to register and start a new topic on this. However, I am unable to do so, as the website does not permit it. Without, hesitation I wanted to know what Br. Suhaib would suggest one should do when they are dealing with a 14 year old teenage girl, who is currently rebelling against her parents and older siblings. I am very concerned about my sister and I am at the end of my tether and am currently running out of solutions of making her see the error of her ways. I am not sure if posting in this thread is appropriate, but I was hoping to ask the Br. via email if possible.

I await your responses as to what the correct protocols are as I am new to this website!

Jazak allah

All I can say to my dear sisters out there is that Hijab is for us. It’s not for anyone except for “yourself” Allah swt asked us to wear it and the reason is because we need it, it’s our shield.

I look back and regret the 2 years a walked around without one.( There is no excuse for my actions and I feel ashamed about it).But I also learned a big lesson. I have experienced the difference between wearing one and not wearing one. All I can say to my dear sisters with or without Hijab. Let’s all pray to Allah swt to keep us strong in our deen and let’s try our best not to disobey the commands of Allah and keep that Hijab on.

I sometimes used to ask, “how come they always talk about Hijab? ”. Or “why is it that all they notice is my not wearing Hijab?”. The truth is sisters out there. Hijab is very important in our lives, life without Hijab is a tough road, and to have someone out there who cares enough to remind us to wear one is a blessing from none other than Allah swt. So let’s say Alhamdullilah.

In addition, Hijab happens to be one of the acts that are mostly visible about women. For example, it is very hard to know if a woman is neglecting her salah or her fasting since for us women we all have excuses. Where Allah swt made it permissible for us to skip some of the acts of worship. Hijab being the one thing that is mostly visible then it is obvious that everyone out there who understands that it is wrong not to wear one will obviously talk about it and remind us the importance.

Am not trying to insult any of my sisters without Hijab.Am just trying to say it is a fact and we all know as sisters that Hijabs definitely not only protects us from men lust but it also stops us from doing things that might be harmful to us. One sister told me the other day. “I wanted to go to such and such a show but see I can’t coz am Hijabi”. Another convert sister mentioned one day that she tried for a long time to quit smoking and was not successful until after she converted to Islam and she adds by saying. “Can you picture me in Hijab smoking?”. (She actually said this in gathering where she was a guest speaker ;( I prefer not to mention her name).But Its very obvious to us, that there are so many things we end up avoiding because of our Hijab.Hijab is not just the covering but its a package that not only includes our identity but also it shield us from so many things out there that might cause some harm to US.

Any sister who might read this comment who does not wear Hijab please don’t take it as offense am just saying in my opinion I did realize the difference is Huge when it comes to wearing Hijab and when not wearing one. Few sisters might agree and few might not. No offense. I personally have some friends and family who don’t wear one and I love them as much. I do pray though for Allah swt to make them realize how important it is for them to wear one inshallah.

I could be wrong but one thing that makes sisters who know how important Hijab is and yet still don’t wear it or try to add or subtract from full Hijab. Eg covering the hair and leaving out a part of the ears and neck just to show off those Hearings, or covering the head properly but wear a long sleeve tight top with tight jeans. It’s mostly because these sisters might be thinking that in Hijab they are less beautiful. I felt the same way and honestly its one of the reason I started to wear less and less until I took it off. One sister a good friend of mine told me she feels like Hijab makes her look ugly; she would love to wear one but just scared that she might not be that attractive. Yet she looks at me and tells me “I love how you dressed”. Yet I was wearing Hijab.

Therefore, I think some sisters need to realize they look beautiful in Hijab as well. The teaching is cover up you can mix and match the colors if you want as long as it is not too tight and as long as you are not leaving some part open. On the other hand, something is better than nothing. Try your best. If you cannot wear it every day but can wear it to the masgid, then go to the masgid more often or to Muslim gatherings where it feels comfortable to wear one and wear it and inshallah before you know as long as you also keep praying harder to Allah swt and put your Nia to being a Hijabi then inshallah you will get to that point. Where you would have your hijab by your bedside when you go to sleep. Ready incase of emergency where you might be forced to run out of the house.

As for the professional sisters. My father once told me after I told him its hard for me to get a job with Hijab on. “With or without Hijab nothing will stop you from getting something that Allah swt meant for you”. And wallahi my first job interview I was wearing a hijab one sister a friend of mine applied for the same company before and they never accepted her. She told me you will not be hired with your hijab. But I did with my full Hijab. The sad part is well working there, I took it off afterward and my coworkers used to ask me “what happened to your covering I thought you said it’s for your religion”. I guess sisters what am trying to say is let us not make Hijab the excuse. Yes it not easy out there but let us be realistic. It dint happen because it was not meant to happen.(as the sheikh mentions our Eman should be stronger) I once watched a TV interview about the book THE FACE BEHIND THE VEIL BY DONNA GEHRKE. One of the sisters in the book named Areej mentions how tough it was to find a job with hijab but eventually not only did she find one but she found the best and got more than she wanted. Is it possible that Allah swt was saving her for the one she ended up getting which she explains was better than even any other she applied for before ?

Some sisters also do not wear it or wear it halfway because they think this is the only way to find a husband or keep the current husband around (and yes its sad cause there are also brother who prefer sisters without one). Sisters the last thing you need is a husband who wants you or is okay with you breaking the commands of Allah swt. Showing off your body to someone for them to notice you or appreciate you is the one thing we should all pray against. May Allah swt protect us . Ask yourself “so its my looks ” what if my looks change ? What if I gained extra pounds or loose my hair or get older”. Most of the times when a man chooses you for your looks he might actually leave you for another one incase he finds a better looking one. Go out today and ask any male family or friend that you know and see if it true or not.

Wallahi I cannot measure the respect that comes with Hijab .Yes sisters I do have friends and family Muslim and none Muslim who actually started to treat me with much more respect compared to when I was not wearing it. So lets not forget that privilege either.

I also used to make excuses of “I can’t find proper hijab in stores” but guess what I find them everywhere: Jcpenny .Macys, forever 21 you name it. The stores are filled with long skirts without slit or long sleeved shirts/jackets/sweaters all the way to my knees wallahi.very baggy pants and long dresses and I realized when my nia was so into finding hijab; every where I turned I could see one.

I pray to Allah swt for all my sisters to keep wearing Hijab or start wearing one inshallah. And am saying this because I have experienced the difference. I do love them sincerely with Hijab or without Hijab.And yes I agree its not that easy out there but I just hope for those who do not realize how good it feels to wear one would one day get to that point inshallah before it is too late and inshallah when you get to that point trust me the discrimination out there would never get to you. Never

Note: parents its your responsibility to teach your daughters at earlier stage to wear one. Also, Hijab has no age qualification. Some parents I noticed do not reinforce it saying “she is barely 16 am waiting until she turns 18”.Hijab is compulsory once the girls body starts to undergo puberty changes.

And for the brother out there instead of “you are my wife you have to wear hijab’ try “my dearest I really care about you but I would be even happier if you wear hijab outside the house. It is for your safety please. I cannot help to feel bad when you are out there without one. Please do it for the sake for Allah swt not for me”. See how that works out. Inshallah.

Most of all let not be critical of our sisters who are not wearing one or wearing halfway. There are so many sisters out there who would love to wear one but do not have the courage to do so yet. Inshallah We should always keep then in our dua..

May Allah SWT have mercy on all of us. Ameen

Jazakum Allahu khayran, its very interesting to read all this.
I totally agree with the article and the comments to some extent. I too dont understand why sisters do the simple things such as showing off some hair, or even tying back their hijab and showing off their neck, ears, and some cleavage too.

When it comes to the points Sr Victoria brought up, I hope the authors on this blog don’t mind that I post this up, but a similar article was written that addressed the points made by the comments on this blog. A very good read as well:

Convertible Hijabi? Or Struggling Sister?

Jazakum Allahu khayran

I think my first comment was taken as if I was blaming men (and of course my responses were defensive after that) but I was merely relating what has been communicated to me in hopes that we could work on a solution and address it from their standpoint. I never stated that these were my views personally or anything about this blog or anyone’s elses blog for that matter.

I learned a lot from the way I first reacted to seeing the first of my friends without hijab and I just don’t want anyone else to react the way that I did. Although my frustration is warranted, my reaction needed some work. Unfortunately I’ve had way too many opportunities to correct it and try to be patient and work on them with their issues (even if I don’t agree with their rationale). I hope that is clear and ask for everyone’s forgiveness for any misunderstanding.

By the way Beautiful Khutbah today Shaykh.

First of all, I’d like to apologize if my last comment came out as condescending or demeaning to the sisters; this was not my intent at all.

I completely agree with you that sometimes we as a community lose perspective on what we need to be prioritizing. There are definitely graver issues in the communities, such as sisters remarrying and domestic violence, than sisters struggling with Hijab. Some lectures, articles, forums, and such do blow it out of proportion but, on the defense of this article, this article was merely suggestions that Imam Suhaib gave to the sister who asked a question.

“We are constantly reminded to obey our husbands and of the degree that Allah has given men over women but when we say ok brothers are slipping in the role that has been given to them….then all the brothers get offended and say don’t blame us?”

I think since you just started visiting this blog, you’re unaware of the numerous articles and comments on this blog which admonished and sometimes bashed the brothers about this topic. Use the search box on the website and search for these two in particular:

1. A Few Good Men: American Muslim women bemoan
2. “The brothers are intimidated by you”

If you read those posts and read the comments, you will see why some brothers get a little sensitive about this topic. Some sisters have painted a broad brush on the brothers that they are all irresponsible (we’re all like Homer Simpson…) I was just trying to make a point that there are some amazing brothers out there who are holding on to their deen and take their responsibility very seriously.

Enough of this blaming game. I’d like to clear up a few things from my last comment. I don’t know if you were being sarcastic when you said this: “Now the solution is for more women to step up, and continue to have children, to be better wives and mothers and now to become scholars for the community.” I did not mean to say that sisters need to “become scholars for the community”, I was simply saying that by having female scholars, we would able to address the problem that you pointed out earlier in your comment: “imagine how the sisters feel when they are constantly being blasted for all of the things they are not doing or doing incorrectly and then not personally having someone to get advice from.”

Again, my last comment was not aimed at demeaning the sisters or anything, but I was simply offering my opinion on what could help the situation with the sisters.

Please forgive me if I said anything offensive.

ZK

The brothers are assuming that sisters are “blaming” them and sisters feel the same way when whenever something happens these topics of what “sisters are doing” blow up everywhere (in lectures, khutbahs, articles, forums etc…) I see and hear more of these issues than I do of the problems that are arising with divorced sisters trying to remarry or domestic violence or infidelity. We hear criticism about sisters delaying marriage for education, but less criticism of the reasons sisters are doing it in the first place.

We all know that there is a serious double standard in our society when it comes to men and women. Unfortunately this double standard is affecting the Ummah and if we don’t have scholars/role models to address these issues with sisters, you will see them fall off a little.

We are constantly reminded to obey our husbands and of the degree that Allah has given men over women but when we say ok brothers are slipping in the role that has been given to them….then all the brothers get offended and say don’t blame us?

Of course this is not blaming everyone sisters or brothers, but if brothers are not willing to take at least a little responsibility then its obvious that we are going to continue to have these issues and more. If you feel that these posts blast the brothers, imagine how the sisters feel when they are constantly being blasted for all of the things they are not doing or doing incorrectly and then not personally having someone to get advice from.

I’m not a feminist but I do sympathize because I too, feel the double and the standard and moreso since I became Muslim than I did before accepting Islam. Islam doesn’t teach this but unfortunately this is how Muslims are behaving.

Just like in the Women’s Liberation movement, women reacted to the attitude of superiority that men had against women. Now we see sisters doing the same thing because of this double standard and whether men accept it or not women will not react unless there is a cause. Now the solution is for more women to step up, and continue to have children, to be better wives and mothers and now to become scholars for the community.