Salaam to you brother, please refrain from the evil thoughts. I also suffer from the same problem you do, except I don’t consider myself ugly. But I do have giant forehead and an abnormal hairline. I’m only 19 but as much as you have problems regarding your appearance in society I feel the same. One word, can ruin my day if someone makes a statement about me regarding me I become pessimistic and start to feel empty. But I honestly think this is the work of shaitan I try to stay positive and remember Allah. In fact I honestly don’t think it’s a problem but my mind chooses to make an obstacle. I’ve had this problem for almost a decade but don’t give in, please don’t give in brother and I will pray for you.

Isa , pleaseeee dont give in to those suicidal thoughts. I too have had them. Dont do it.. please just know that, you are not alone, and there are many muslims out there who are emotionally weak. It is a constant war but try to do as much zikr as you can to get away from that “evil” self. May Allah SWT save you and help you and strengthen you in faith in Him. Ameen. Keep smiling, even though your hurt inside. In shaa Allah He will ease your pain and grant you peace in this life and in the next, and for us all. Ameen.

i cannot speak for anyone else but i think hope (certainly in my case) is dangerous. I believe it is best to just accept that things are a certain way and count out the days to the end of one’s life. Im 27 and i’ve suffered from these problems my whole adult life. I am very ashamed and embarrassed about my appearance and find being in social situations uncomfortable. I cannot work because my depression is made worse and i often have strong suicidal thoughts. If i was not a muslim i would have ended my life years ago. sometimes i pray for death..but i just tell myself that i must be prepared to see out the rest of my life if allah doesnt end me soon. It’s ok, i suppose coz i dont want to marry or have kids, i love being alone as much as possible. I wish i could run away and live in the wild and worship allah. I feel fine about things wen im on my own. The difficulty is when i have to be around other people. Im tired of being made to feel ugly and inferior. People have always said horrible things about my face, do u think any amount of anti depressants, counselling sessions will make me look better? no way. and as for changing my opinion about myself i think that is not right. I am what I am. If allah made me ugly and quite repulsive looking…do i kid myself into thinking i am good looking? no of course not. ALlah won’t change my looks and I don’t shouldn’t have hope that he will because i’ll wait and wait and wait and nothing will happen. I just need to accept that ‘yeah..im a pretty ugly looking person..but its not my fault’ course i still feel terrible in public which is why i won’t live out my days anywhere except the wilderness now.

I felt that I needed to share my story too:
My low self-esteem, actually started around teenage years. Before that I was a very happy confident child.

Despite my parents being wonderful and religious (Now at age 30 I can really appreciate all they have done for me) they still could not completely cope with the transition to a new country and how to support and guide me at the crucial teenage years. Let’s say they were not prepared, and were dealing with difficulties themselves.

What happened was I went from a child at age 13 that used to count the number of times a day I would remember Allah (literally tried every 30 minutes to do dhikr, whether I was eating, playing, or on a bus, whatever) to a 16 year old boy that was lost and was trying to find his way and was not remembering Allah anymore. I was developing sexually and was confused about what was happening around me. I asked my parents (at age 14 or 15) about sex and will never forget when they said something like it’s not time for you to know this or that. I believe from that time I lost trust in them somehow. Hamdullah, I never went or did sin, but I was slowly rusting from the inside and the confusion and frustration was increasing (without me even knowing it sometimes). By the time I reached university I was mentally and physically (obesity) not doing well. But most of all I can describe the feeling as being lost, dropping out of 2 scientific majors before I found the one that was right for me and even that one took me ages to graduate from. The first year of that major I really enjoyed, but then the low self-esteem and frustration and confusion started again by the end of that year. Basically my whole twenties and university time was a living hell psychologically speaking. My self-esteem was almost 0, my Deen was 0, I became reclusive and avoiding people as much as possible and I was living on my own far from my parents and anyone who could mentally support me.

After many years somehow my parents convinced me to finish my studies and from then on my life changed (it’s ironic how they kind of fixed what they had done wrong or what they had been lacking to give). The diploma got me a job and now at age 30, I’m going to get married to a wonderful woman (we did our official Nikah, but not ceremony yet).

However, I still suffer from a lack of self-esteem sometimes and this kind of gets worse sometimes because I am in a long distance relationship with my fiancée. The distance from her including my low self-esteem sometimes makes me clingy and needy. Once I realize I’m doing this I try to change.

I know that when I finally will get married in a few months it will be such a relief for me mentally, sexually, physically, psychologically. Even when I am around my fiancée (when I visit her) I am so super confident and happy, its like being another person.

I cannot explain to you how it is to have someone you love (husband or wife) and trust with all your soul, and can tell them your deepest darkest thoughts and secrets. Someone who loves you with all their heart and soul. It is like being each others doctor, lover, mother, father, sister, brother and best friend.

But because I have suffered for almost the last 15 years from low self-esteem, including sexual deprivation and frustration, living in a corrupt Western society (opposite of my true belief system), lack of Deen, and possibly some sort of depression. So its not easy to totally get rid of it so quickly.

Sometimes my weak Nafs (Ego/Soul) brings me back to a low self-esteem and I start over-thinking, saying things like what if I will still be like this after I get married. It’s a constant struggle to keep thinking positive, to be thankful for the great job and wife Allah has given me now.

Now I look back on all of it…I can truly say, that what has saved me (from going into Sin, and being lost forever, like for example drugs, sex, alcohol, suicide) is the little bit of Hope I had in Allah. This hope was very tiny when I was farthest away from Allah, but never left me, and in these last years of my story (until now), I am getting closer and closer to Allah, like I have never been before, I am literally changing by the month…It is like I am catching up the 15 years I lost but at the speed of light :-), al Hamdullah!

My story isn’t so bad, I personally know people have gone through much worse, but I believe there are millions of Muslims living in the West (or even in Islamic countries) that have gone through something similar like me.

I want to tell all of you just one thing:

As a Muslim it is absolutely necessary to have Hope in Allah, to try to become as close as you can to Him to get inner-peace in your heart and mind and to reverse the low self-esteem you have inside you. HOPE is the key to change, HOPE that you will become a better person, HOPE that you can change, HOPE that you will be free from the torment of your heart and HOPE of leaving the cycle of negative thoughts of your mind.

Hope that you will find the right person to get married to, Hope that you will find a job, Hope that you will be healed from illness, Hope that you will get a child…..and finally Hope that when you die, Allah will have mercy on your soul, and open the doors of heaven to give you ever lasting relief from the worldly life and test that has been given to your soul here on Earth.

Believing in Allah, the creator of your soul will give you HOPE, and hope will give you patience, and patience will give you strength, and strength will give you CHANGE. Change for the good 😉 Inshallah!!

Salam Alaykum

I completely agree that if we were to follow Prophet Mohammad May Allah’s Peace Be Upon Him we need to have a high self esteem.

I notice an interesting pattern here… we ALL hav been sucked into Islam coz of our low self esteems… I feel then its a blessing in disguise. As we progress in our character mahsAllah.. our self esteem has been raised by Allah!

I will say little regarding why I think I had/have low self esteem.. but give things I found useful by Mercy of Allah. You may call them tips:

1. Build Character rather than Personality (Difference can be understood from Bool 7 Habbits of Highly Effective People by Stephan Covey).

2. Practice practice practice.. I practiced speech and alhamdulillah now i present well. and hosted a ceremony full of a hall of about 300 ppl.

3. Dont dig the hole ur in. if u find negative thoughts coming. STOP! They serve as garbaged for the mind.

Lastly id like to say that scavengers like sexual predetors are not hard to find who prey on ur low self esteem. I was very near to becoming prey and Allah saved me. i wanted attention and someone was WILLING to give it to me. He used covert ways to get me to give him what he wanted…Praise be to Allah he saved me.

If you have low self esteem.. i have learnt being a female.. that almost always someone will be willing to give u the attention u so deparately want. DONT FALL FOR THAT TRAP. PERIOD.

Regards,