Assalamu Alaikum Sis. Anon,

There is a beautiful statement of Ibn al-Qayyim that I love:

“Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness.”

What you mentioned about young people obsessing over marriage and then becoming depressed over a broken engagement shows something interesting: People sometimes use emotions to fill an emptiness– ‘good’ or ‘bad’ emotions. They try to feel ‘in love’ or ‘sad’ over some relationship– they don’t realize that happiness and fulfillment comes from within, and from their relationship with Allah (swt), and they can love even themselves for His sake, and out of their love for Allah (swt). Once they realize that, and also allow themselves to feel *His* love for them– they wouldn’t have a need to listen to sad/romantic music in order to perpetuate a desperate feeling they want. They just wouldn’t have the want in the first place– this puts the soul and heart at peace– and is the life-source of tawakkul.

If emotions control us, and we don’t control them– it is a good sign that we are in need of strengthening our tazkiyah.

Jzk for engaging the topic!

WS
Muslema

Salamu Alaykom wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,

As one releases that lack of approval, they no longer chase love. What you describe above is people desperately chasing something that they don’t have. The ‘over acting’ of love, the obsession about the special day (a bit of a con to have one amazing day in your entire life! But a conversation for another time), listening to love songs etc…

Why ?

If you felt true love you wouldn’t need to listen to anything to make it stronger or feel better… Those people who crash after a broken heart are doing exactly the same thing that they were doing when they were desperately trying to find love – they are lacking love/approval… But it’s the other side of the coin.

It’s the same disease of the heart, just manifested differently.

Those that seek love through a tv series… There is no love more flawed and shallow than that ! If they knew true love, they wouldn’t need this false replacement.

I request that you differentiate between this real love and lack of it. So no matter how much true love you have for someone… It will not lead you astray. As it stems from mercy and generosity. It isn’t emotional blackmail (“say you love me, or else!) and it isn’t something that you will sacrifice your relationship with Allah for.

What’s the difference ? How do you know if it’s true love or not ?
True love stems from inside and radiates out.
False love is dependant on an external factor – person, action, words etc.

You see the Prophet (pbuh) loving his worst enemies – else how would he give them Dawah, how would he want salvation for those that have hurt him so much ?!

My two pennies ! (as we say in the UK)

AbdelRahman Mussa

Founder of iPersonalEnrichment