I really feel like I’ve lost my only brother, and although I told him this in so many different ways, my words haven’t persuaded him to let go of some negative habits and behaviours he started.

It’s hard for me to even think about his situation without feeling emotional, which eventually turns into anger on my part. Our relationship is slightly tainted now because I kept trying advise him to stop, and I’m assuming he now feels irritated from me.

My words have no meaning to him anymore. Recently, after I told him he’s living a hypocritical life, he told me to ‘perfect myself before I try to perfect him’. I felt so hurt, since I’ve been trying so hard to change him. I can’t bring myself to talk to him anymore, which I know is haram and wrong, but my emotions are getting the best of me.

We come from a fairly religious family, so maybe I’m not being open minded about the effects of living in a Western world. Should I accept his change and act like nothing is wrong? I don’t know why I’m so bothered by his behaviour. I literally had a part in raising him, so his arrogance and selfishness has brought out a lot of resentment in my heart.

These feelings are now affecting me negatively, as sometimes life feels so depressing in this situation.

The most difficult Jihad is against our own Nafs
Our sister Shazia Ahmad, in the article below writes very clearly, with honesty and Rahma, about every Muslim’s struggle to stay on al cirata mustaqim. For all of us who feel like we are loosing ground and need guidance to stay connected to Allah swt: you are not alone! The daily struggle to keep our Im’an and Ichs’an alive in this dunia requires the honesty and courage to face our own shortcomings, and the endurance of a marathon runner, except this race is until our last breath… The good news is that anyone who is able to say “I have lost my way” is at the beginning of their return to Allah swt. Al Hamdulli’llah. This realization is a gift from Allah swt: the opportunity to deepen our understanding of Islam and strengthen our Iman. Rejoice and say al Hamdulli’llah.
We are not traveling the road that leads to Allah swt alone, we are surrounded by brothers and sisters facing the same challenges and obstacles. We all need “prayer buddies,” to help us when we feel we are too weak to fight shaitan on our own. Remember, the enemy is shaitan. Allah swt Loves ALL of his creation, Tauba is essential, but kicking yourself when you desperately need Rahma and guidance is one of the many tricks of shaitan. Re-direct your anger and self-hatred towards the real target and enemy: Shaitan errajim
Every time we say Bism’Allah, every time we say al Hamdulli’llah, every time we say a Salaam Alleikoum and smile with our heart, we are in a state of Dhikr Allah. These simple conscious actions carry us through our day, and are often the deepest and most far reaching in our efforts to come closer to Allah swt. There is no “small” action of worship, for Allah is Great
الله أكبر