“Successful communication strengthens the family bond and makes it less likely that issues will spill over into physical abuse.”

This sentence is singularly ill-advised. It makes it seem that negative communication somehow leads to physical abuse, or that physical abuse is warranted when negative communication patterns persist.

Only the most despicable of people beat their spouses. This is the command of Allah (SWT), as evidenced by the impeccable character of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS).

Wassalam and Jazakhallah khair katheeran,
Sabina.

I was not familiar with this translation of the word “beat” into “separate”. It is altogether new to me. Most translations have the word “beat” or “admonish” or “scourge”. I concede that is progress that the beating of women is being removed from the newer translations of the Qur’an.

With regard to the historical context, as-Shafi states that “hitting is permitted, but not hitting is preferred”. al-Razi in his Tafsir Al-Kabir states that the verse was revealed after a woman complained of being beaten by her husband, and after this verse had been revealed, the Prophet said that ‘We wanted one thing but Allah wanted another, and what Allah wanted is best.’ (Narrated by Hasan al-Basri)

Sahih Muslim Book 9 #3506: Jabir b. ‘Abdullah reported: Abu Bakr came and sought permission to see Allah’s Messenger. He found people sitting at his door and none amongst them had been granted permission, but it was granted to Abu Bakr and he went in. Then came ‘Umar and he sought permission and it was granted to him, and he found Allah’s Apostle sitting sad and silent with his wives around him. He (Hadrat ‘Umar) said: I would say something which would make the Holy Prophet laugh, so he said: Messenger of Allah, I wish you had seen (the treatment meted out to) the daughter of Khadija when she asked me some money, and I got up and slapped her on her neck. Allah’s Messenger laughed and said: They are around me as you see, asking for extra money. Abu Bakr then got up went to ‘Aisha and slapped her on the neck, and ‘Umar stood up before Hafsa and slapped her saying: You ask Allah’s Messenger which he does not possess. They said: By Allah, we do not ask Allah’s Messenger for anything he does not possess….

[The hadith goes on about divorcing wives].

Now clearly there is theological debate about this. Historically beatings have happened, and have been done by the Sahabah. And not just any, but Abu Bakr and Umar, hit their daughters, the Mothers of the Faithful, and in the very presence of the Prophet. And about money?

It bothers me to the very core that it is acceptable on some level to beat women. I just cannot conceive of any reason where it would be acceptable for men to beat women.

wa `alaykum assalam,

jazaki Allahu khayran, fixed.

How indeed do you square this verse with the others? You could provide some tedious rhetorical response, but that would not change the fact that this very verse is the justification of the abuse of women in most of the Muslim world.
Men are in charge of women? How offensive! How very easily it instills the idea that because you pay for them, you are superior to them, because God has made it that way? How disgraceful!

If we are to assume that a text from more than 14 centuries ago is infallible, then we must address these horrific ideas as well. Our moral sensibilities should never allow us to ever denigrate women as second class, slaves to the whims of men, and it should NEVER be acceptable for men to beat women.