Re:@FadwaB “Its best to avoid men altogther until marriage” Huh???
For starters are you for real???????where in the world do you live? How can that even be possible? You’re painting everyone as if upon seeing each other they want to commit something so therefore should avoid each other altogether until marriage.

You miss the point…it is about knowing how to governing yourself APPROPRIATELY without compromising your values and convictions and not “HIDING” or avoiding anything that you may think would create unwanted results.

The whole issue with men/women being together is about minimizing unwanted lust/relationship and so on. Therefore it boils down to having a strength of character (for both men and women), how to be around each other without loosing yourself, to minimize unwanted situations = Having Control.

Please think over what you said.

The emphasis on dress and behaviour always seems to be directed at women in Islam. Women are not responsible for the shortcoming in a man’s morals….the man himself is 100% responsible. The over-focus directed at women in Islam belittles and degrades women but it also degrades Muslim men by implying that they are all animalistic, lustful animals not capable of indpendent self-control. Blaming women for this is an easy excuse for those men looking for one ! It is this extreme bias that makes it next to impossible for non-Muslim women to ever consider changing their faith to Muslim.

Salaam
I agree with you Star I think there are many Islamic ways to meet a guy and women do not need sit around waiting for guy to ask them. Khadijah was women enough to proposed to our beloved prophet (peace be upon him) so why can’t we do the same. I think our community focuses too much on trying keep women and me separate as if, if we see each other we will jump on each. I know that the opposite sex cannot be friends but we can be around each other without having any lustful thoughts for example we can do the same workshop or be in the same class and of course we have to maintain Islamic dress code and adab to avoid any temptations.

Allah knows best

Thanks sister.

Yeah, as much as I’d like to agree with you, the problem is multi-level. I don’t know how a parent can go about searching for husband for their daughters, specially in North America…the distance to communities, the time you need to develop friendships adn so on, are prohibitive.

I know groups that started charging for signing up and registering to mediate between guys adn girls yet there were no success stories. And as one participant put it, it’s getting more expensive just to look for a husband for yourself because of the time and money it takes to sign up for various sites/groups and actually attend.

In the end, still remains, what is the solution to this growing problem?

Coming back to the original question though,my stand remains the same – if women have a open and strong relationship with their spouse, they’d rather open up to him then a mere stranger.

It’s all about being listened to and thacknowledged, that you have something to say, that from time to time you need to bounce an idea or run it by someone you trust…that you’re valued or just need an honest opinion, something that you’re confronted with and you want to consult someone -if I’m making any sense 🙂 I bet you anything a coupld with strong relationship don’t seek out opposit friends to open up to.

Allahu yaelem.

You are right on so many levels.I do feel thatthe community and the families schould be more active in searching for husbands for their daughters.why this isnt happening I honestly don’t understand.
However if nobody is helping, than the women should be more pro active.For e.g. ask around, join diffrent groups, look abroad as an option.Nevertheless ,I say SHAME on the families and the community that neglects their single sisters.Shame on you!

“A female’s close male friend should be her spouse; a male’s close female friend should be her spouse.”

I think the reason why both genders seek friendship outside of their gender is because, among other reasons is, they’re not married! I know for fact more than a hundred girls who are well educated, have good jobs and are practicing, good muslimas looking to get married but couldn’t…for lack of forum to meet men of their choice.

The same thing can be said of the guys who’re looking to get married as well. Also, in Islam the mingling of the sexes in masjids and most functions is forbiden. So, in my opinion, the attraction to become friends with a guy – like a brother- at work places is the product of “the tie that binds us together ie Islam”.

In the end the muslim guy would be protective than trespassing the boundries of friendship knowing the religion.

I would also argue, if anyone has a good marriage where they rely on the spouse for their emotional support, have that open relationship with each other, where they confide and have an open dialogue, they may not need/crave the close relationship of the other sex to be heard as was told in the story.

Jazak allah fi kulu khairun

jazaki Allahu khayran Naiyerah. This was a beautiful read mashaAllah.