Subhana’allah. Sounds like you’ve been through a great deal of trouble. I can imagine that you are beyond frustrated at this point, and that’s normal. Do not doubt in the greatness and power of Allah. There’s no force that can overwrite Allah’s decree. Whatever has happened, was what Allah has decreed for you. As a part of being a Muslim you must submit wholeheartedly to Allah, and accept what he has decreed for you. So do not despair, Allah is always in a state of knowledge, surely he knows your condition. If your parents aren’t sensible in chosing a spouse according to the quran &sunnah, then a just relative can substitute such as an uncle. If your father refuses you a perfectly good spouse as described in the sunnah then he is at fault. No matter how irrational your parents can get they are still your parents. They have haq over you. The best thing to do is pray and make lots of dua to Allah and have patience. And Allah knows best 🙂

Islam is perfect. Only Muslims are not perfect.

Same to me as well. I keep asking my parents to find one. But they say, how if it wont fit me? Who knows if not yet tried? And my friend as well keep encouraging me to have more relationship with men. Meanwhile, I try to avoid it. Allah knows better, I am sure.

However I don’t understand; How is a muslim girl supposed find a spouse when

1.her parents don’t get on with each other; constantly verbally argue, constant taunting each other about rubbish thats happend in the past, not forgiving towards each other, complete shambles of a marriage and they use us kids to constantly jab at each other
2. they have kept their daughter practically unknown to relatives so she now feels almost alien to her own extended family or even ethnic community; no body knows she exists therefore few proposals come forward.. I could walk down the street and not even recognise my own rello’s because Ive never seen half of them?!!!
3. Neither parent actively searches for a spouse for their daughter; somehow they think that prince charming will come on his own,
4. the parents perception of ‘the perfect spouse’ does not exist- they actually expect him to be perfect. For eg my sister wants to marry someone who comes from a muslim family, who is from the same ethnicity, qualified professional who can provide a separate whole house and can provide for her welfare and is religious … my parents reject him on the basis of his skin colour?!!!! he’s too dark apparently.. can someone tell me why Allah established such a rule that a girl has to have the permission of her Wali for marriage when he knew there would be people like this who would oppress their daughters by not allowing healthy marriage?! its baffling and frustrating! what does Allah expect is going to happen when he allows authority over the innocent by a tyrannical people.. fitnah happens for a reason.

5. When asked for other reasons apart from ‘dark skin’ my Mother simply states that maybe the boys parents are too traditional and she doesnt want my sister to suffer like she did with her inlaws… NEWS FLASH ALL WOMEN ARE SUBJECT TO TRIALS FROM THEIR INLAWS ….

6. My mother keeps reliving her past bad experiences with people in general and now out of fear of loosing her kids she wont let her daughters get married by firstly not looking for proposals, secondly telling people shes looking for someone whos practically 7ft tall with yellow hair and purple eyes and oh lets not forget thirdly when proposals do come she doesnt even want to give them a chance let alone do istikhara.

7. My dad has always been hell bent on marrying us off to cousins from India so it benefits him if we stay single because at present we are 26-27 years of age, he reckons we’ll cave by the time we hit 30.. I dont think so Dad.

8. Parents have seen countless hours of lectures on Peace tv etc but do not WANT to put it into practice… yes the whole house prays, fasts etc but actually coming to terms with what has gone wrong over the years in bringing up their kids.. all just gets shoved under the carpet..

9.The eldest daughter got married to a complete twit as well so now that has instilled more fear into my mum and now the whole fam live under a crazed dillusion that all Men are liars and ultimately your married life will be crap..
10. this list goes on…

Point is Allah says he will not change the state of a people unless they themselves change.. well why should the children have to pay the penalty of their parents not wanting to change … its not fair. they had their chance of marriage, and they messed it up..

Whats ironic is that I had to fall in love with a Man, I had to engage in fitnah(not sexual, just friendship which could have gone further) after years and years AND YEARS of abstaining from Men, to understand that marriage is without doubt the best course for me to be happy but I cant have that because I have messed up parents.. Its hilarious that I had to learn through sinning that not all Men are corrupt… and so I gave that Man up for the love of a God who may not change my overall state because my parents wont change them selves..

What a vicious cycle.

Tell me what are we supposed to do?

We have two Eids, read the narration. For muslms to fall for the propaganda and marketing ploy of the west and follow/celebrate the holidays which they have imposed onto our minds with the media is quite sad. Love your spouses all year round and you wont have to show them love one day a year. Take your spouses out and treat them in a romantic manner all year and then when valentines day comes around it wont mean much.

The muslims are having an Identity crisis and now we are willing to cling to practices of other cultures and religions in order to fill the void of ignorance which shrouds many.

May Allah safeguard us from being unhappy with that which was presented to us by Allah and His Messenger

I’m on the same boat as you.

Aslamoalakum..:-)
you try to use g8 way to get understod abt beuti of Islam here is every thing very easy beause Islam is the way of life style.