Salaam. I have just noticed this article and thread due to this recently posted comment, so I hope these remarks may not be too late.

One situation that I fear is not often enough addressed with respect to marriage is that of those who come to Islam in mature age. Some people come to Islam in their twenties, thirties, forties, or even, believe it or not, older. Some of them might not have previously married but now would be willing and interested in entering into marriage.

A serious issue is, how do these mature people find potential spouses? Sadly, there remain ethnic groupings within the Muslim community here in North America. Some men might be willing to marry outside their group, but woe betide the sister or daughter who has interest outside the group. This means that for convert men, especially, of mature age, the “marriage pool,” so to speak, is very small.

Also, there are the dynamics of meeting. What of a woman (or man, for that matter) who comes to Islam is mature years? She (or he) has no one to assist in finding someone. No family, certainly, and often no friends within the Muslim community.

A mahram? What is such a thing for many converts? Such a thing does not exist. Some will assert that a woman must have a mahram in order to seek a husband, but what good does it do for some “elder” in the community whom she does not even know to serve as her “mahram”?

Also, the blunt fact here in North America, as unpalatable as it may be to some people from the “old countries” with their traditional values, is that many mature converts just are not like the young potential “blushing brides” and “blushing grooms” of traditional societies. It is entirely possible, almost probable, that many mature converts who would seek to marry, even if they have never married before, are already sexually experienced, to be perfectly frank, whether traditional Muslims from the “old countries” like that fact or not. That is the reality of life here. Why would such a woman, for example, need a mahram? And in the case of either a woman or a man, how will mature converts outside the typical ethnic groupings find someone?

Allah (swt) knows best. I do not.

How do you say no to a potential wife that someone recemmended to you? the person said one thing about the girl, then you dicovered the girl does not fit the description of what you have been told?

Absolutely right. I relate to the same concerns. The fact that we end up liking someone a lot, and then requiring us to be on the same page with them at the same time, or facing rejection soon enough without real explanation..this is very true. We leave ourselves emotionally vulnerable in this earnest process of getting to know someone. And heartbreak is a very unfortunate and risky consequence. I loved this article though, for realizing that marriage is best based on compatibility and mutual respect, which is often overlooked.

Deep frndship grows with time. And that has to me after marriage because that is halaal way. And even if see this haram way of growing frndship, let me say you that frndship and love are both different. In a relationship of marriage there r some unexpected things happening and at that point of time u will regret marrying ur frnd. Becuase, we need to involve our families in this relation while frndship is only for two. Moreover, talking and being frndly with non-maharam is not islamic way to get married.