Or perhaps i have misunderstood those terms.
For example some people never seem to correct or advise their children. i have noticed even litte kids will pay attention or listen to something, but if the adults around them never correct themselves then the child wont either, the first lesson is correcting oneself.

when you have kids you suddenly reaslise, gosh i must do that/ or say that because my kids have been around me all the time and have picked it up from me!

you cant tell kids not to do something and then do it yourself, or vice versa. children imitate what they see and hear not what people tell them to ‘do this or do that’

discipline does not mean hitting or shouting.

theres a nice blog called disciplinewithoutdisrespecting by grandma jeddah for anyone interested you can google it.

wasalam

Salamu Alaykom wa Rahmatullah

please see reply to sister Wafa below.

wa Alaykom Assalam sister Wafa,

After some research, It seems that there are three opinions about this:

1- Ali (RAA) said it
2- Omar (RAA) said it
3- One of the salaf said it but we don’t quite know who

The statement is found in different books, but without reference… and more than one of my Shuyukh had mentioned it while I was studying so I didn’t think to reference it for myself.

My apologies for not verifying exactly where it was from.

Insha Allah it is still useful. From experience, children do need to be treated differently in those three stages, wallahu a’lam.

Can you please share your sources for the “three stages”. You reference the following: “The fourth Khalifah, Ali (ra) advised us to play with our children till the age of 7, to discipline and teach them from the age of 7 to 14 and to BEFRIEND them at the age of 14+.” but my husband says he has read that Omar (ra) said it.

Jazak Allahu Khairan

Although they are growing up in a different era I believe the principles of parenting remain the same, only the way in which we impart the values to our children may change.

BarakAllahu feeki… you highlighted the most important points 🙂 Jazakillah

BarakAllah feeki,

Let me share a story with you:
I know a man who brought his child up in a peculiar way… he would say to him before they ate anything: “If you don’t finish your ice-cream, you’re not going to have any salad !”

This same kid… now well into his thirties… if you ask him whether or not he wants ice-cream, his reply is: “no I’d rather a salad, thanks ”

(this is just an example… it’s the point that I’m making that is the point of focus – not the ice cream !)

So the point I’m trying to make is: you’re the parent, you have huge moulding power.

Or to put it another way: how would the father in the example above have rewarded his son for going shopping ?
You would answer: shopping was his reward !

… but how did the kid realise that it was a reward ?
Because the parent framed it as such 🙂

Hope this helps !
AbdelRahman