you are absolutely right in terms of how things work in the Indian subcontinent. The only way to get around it is:

a. make sure to check out the character of the in-laws, especially the mother-in-law
b. move far away from them for “job” or “education” purposes. Visits are tolerable, living in the same city is not. Most South Asian in-laws can accept moving away for these reasons, but not to make a marriage succeed.
c. not marry a guy who has no spine at all. Or not marry a guy from a culture that treats daughter-in-laws this way.

I’m Pakistani and I agree. Pakistani culture allows mother-in-laws to abuse daughter-in-laws all the time. While there are good mother-in-laws, they are the minority. Most of the men are Mama’s boys who have no idea how to balance between their mother’s rights and their wife’s. They expect their wives to tolerate verbal, emotional and in some cases, physical abuse.This is why when my daughter marries insha Allah, i make dua she has either a just, fair, and nice mother-in-law or no mother-in-law. A woman should not have to go through a sick “initiation” into her husband’s family by seeing how much abuse she can tolerate at the hands of her mother-in-law. There is no excuse for that in Islam.

Zazakallah brother, To discusse all these things may give hidayat to all muslims ( In Sha Allah). My husband is really a very nobel person.. Worships regularly, always ready to help others, giving me respect..i m blessed by allah . But when it comes to my mother in law he can not see anything beyond ger. And she does not like my parents.. She always keep giving him wrong informations that he thinks my parent does not respect his parents.. While my parents are doing their best. And whenever it happanes my house turned on battlefield and ruins my home peace for days.i cant unserstand whats her problem with my parents. She does not tell me anything directly but she jerp provoking my husband regularly.. Its been five years of my marriage an we have 8 months old daughter.. Alhamdulillah… My question is what does islam say about this evic acts of her.? What should i do? My husband does not listen to me when it comes to his mother.. He thinks whatever his mother says is right.. Now things are like she has started giving him evil talks about my other relatives.. If these things wont stop now, wil create a major problem… Pls make dua for my family..i have a limit to to listen agaist of my family and my husband expect that i must not feel bad if he says against them .. M i doing wrong.? my husband and my mother in law is right?

You are not alone after 17 years of torture, you become numb, parents are controlling and use emotional blackmail. Sad that religion only effects the sincere and cannot help misquided parents. Be strong and patient and don’t let them control you.

If you have are having suicidal thoughts, please contact 911 as soon as possible. Please seek help immediately.

i am a qualified muslim surgeon.i am suffering from great mental agony..and the situation is becoming worse and worse day by day…for each and every action or talk in good intention they take it very negatively
-i didnt ask for any jahez ,i didnt took any money,gold from my in laws still they tell me LALCHI. i dont know why
– its tradition that first delivery of wife used to be served by inlaws..i asked my inlaws.they come to take my wife happily..now they tell me i gave my responsibilty and blame me..
-in hospital my mother used to stay with my wife .one day she didnt make it because she was not feeling well.now after 3 years they remind me that your mother left her alone intentionaly..
-they told her since you are a doctor so you need not to do household chores
-my wife doesnt know cooking..i used to stay and help her in kitchen.
the sad thing is my wife shares everything with her mother and she is highly manipulative..she always conceal her wrong doing and always try to show that i am at wrong place
what should i do?should i commit suicide or divorce her..we have a son who is one year old.please help

2 years back my bro got married to a Indian girl who was raised in KSA. My parents initially had them living together but granted their space. They soon moved out. After that,my brother comes and visits. My sister in law said its haram for her to maintain a relationship with her inlaws as in Islam she doesn’t have to obey them. My mother and father are not asking her to do anything. Now this has put a strain on the relationship. They are adamant and eat the meat at local restaurants despite my mom telling them it’s haram. In Islam what does it say about the daughter in law who breaks the relationship with her inlaws?