Assalamu alaikum.
Certainly one should make every effort to improve the marriage relationship and bring about reconciliation whenever possible. When one or both spouses are abusive mentally, physically, or in any other way, this is serious and the couple should seek marriage counseling to help them overcome this toxic dynamic.

Assalamu alaikum.
With regard to your question about people with low self-esteem – many studies show that low self-esteem has a negative impact on relationships. In the “Dwell in Tranquility” book there is a chapter titled “The Unhealthy Marriage Model” and in that chapter there is a section on self-esteem, how to recognize it in oneself or another person, and most importantly, how to improve a negative self-image and increase self-esteem. The book does suggest that dealing with personal issues such as depression, anxiety, resentment, low self-esteem, etc. before marriage is important. It is an investment in the success of the relationship and a means to create a foundation for a healthy and happy family life.

“what should husbands do when spouses abiluse them mentally, physically? ”

They should get out of that situation

“Should they make attempts to reconciliate or how one could ket it go???”

Make attempts from far away, until you’re sure the abuse will stop. If no effort is made to stop, then let the marriage go.

This is a wonderful book! I bought it as soon as this article went up and just finished reading it. I worked through many of the exercises in the book and couldn’t beleive how much I learned! I wish I had this before getting married the first time.

I am taking my own sweet time completing the remaining exercises. I never would have imagined that there was so much thinking that goes into the marriage process! But Alhamdulillah, better late than never, and Jazakallahkhair for writing this.

I had a question regarding the “Potential Spouse” chapter. Apparently, we should stay away from people with low self esteem and those who are not willing to take responsibility for their lives and instead sit and complain. From the people I have met, this is a huge number of people.

What are these people (those who have anegative self image) supposed to do? Not get married until they deal with their issues?

JazaakAllah.

As-salaamoalaykum,
I too would like to have this info. Perhaps there is a website or a book that could be recommended.

JazaakAllah.

There were many different teaching techniques that Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, utilized. Below are just a few examples:

► The Prophet would sometimes repeat something three times. One example is the hadith narrated by Abu Shuraih: “The Prophet said, ‘By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe!’ It was said [by one individual listening], “Who is that, O Allah’s Apostle?” He (peace be upon him) said, “That person whose neighbor does not feel safe from his evil.”

► Not only did the Prophet repeat the statement three times, he also used in the same hadith above another effective technique — posing questions to pique the interest and curiosity of the listeners. Another example of this is when the Prophet asked his companions, “What would be the situation of someone who has a river at his door and everyday, five times a day, he comes out and he takes a bath in that river? At the end of the day would he have any dirt on himself?” They responded, “There would be no dirt on him, O RasulAllah.” Then the Prophet said, “Similarly there are the five prayers cleansing the person in this way.”

► The above hadith, the Prophet not only used a question to bring the listener’s mind to attentiveness, he also used an analogy. Another well-known hadith using analogy is the following, narrated by Abu Musa: “The example of guidance and knowledge with which Allah has sent me is like abundant rain falling on the earth, some of which was fertile soil that absorbed rain water and brought forth vegetation and grass in abundance. Another portion of it was hard and held the rain water and Allah benefited the people with it and they utilized it for drinking, making their animals drink from it, and to irrigate the land for cultivation. And a portion of it was barren which could neither hold the water nor bring forth vegetation. The first is the example of the person who comprehends Allah’s religion and gets benefit from that which Allah has revealed through me, and learns and then teaches it to others. The last example is that of a person who does not care about and does not take Allah’s guidance revealed through me” (Bukhari).

► Just as the Prophet used analogy to illustrate a point verbally, he also used drawing or illustration to make a point graphically. Once the Prophet (pbuh)drew a straight line in the sand and then drew lines to the right and lines to the left of the first line. Then while the people were looking intently at the drawing, he recited the verse, “And verily, this is My Straight Path, so follow it, and follow not (other) paths, for they will separate you away from His Path” [Qur’an 6:153].

► In other instances he illustrated his point using his hands. When he said, “I and the one who takes care of the orphans are in paradise, like this” (Bukhari). As he was speaking, he interlaced his fingers.

► Using daily living experiences at times to instruct, the Prophet, pbuh, once was traveling with some companions and when it was time to prepare food, he asked them to slaughter a sheep. One man said he would do that, another said he would skin it, and a third said he would cook it. Then the Messenger of Allah said, “I will collect wood for the fire.” They said, “No, we will do that work for you.” The Prophet answered, “I know that you can do it for me, but I hate to be privileged. Allah hates to see a servant of his privileged above others.” And the Prophet went and collected firewood (Khulasat-As-Siyar).

► The Prophet (pbuh) at times would redirect a question to a topic that is more relevant and instructive. Once a Bedouin asked the Prophet, “When is the hour?” [the Day of Judgment]. The Prophet said, “What have you prepared for that final hour?” The Bedouin answered, “I haven’t prepared a lot of salah and I haven’t prepared a lot of zakah but I am preparing one thing – my love for Allah and His messenger.” The Prophet (pbuh) said, “You will be with who you love.”

As to a source to further research this topic, I would suggest “Prophet Muhammad — The Teacher and His Teaching Methodologies” (Ar-Rasul al-Mu’allim wa Asalibuhu fi ‘l-Ta’lim) by Shaikh Abd al-Fattah Abu Ghuddah; Translated by Maulana Mohamed Mohomedy.