By Yeasmines

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not.” (Qur’an, 2:216)

The Expectation: A year before 9/11, my family and I embarked on this journey because of my dad’s job. My parents were eager to leave their motherland in the hopes of a better future and life for their children. There were whispers among our extended family members that we would never return and would get this thing called a “green card.”

The Reality: Getting a green card wasn’t as easy as many people in my country made it sound. It is a very complicated process and we didn’t realize how stressful and challenging getting a green card can be. It was a wakeup call for my family, including me.  The green card would turn into an obsession, a desire, and a fitna (trial) for our souls. It challenged each and every one of us to realize the true meaning of tawakkul of Allah (total trust in Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala, exalted is He).

The Fraudulent Lawyer: Despite the sturdiness of the new immigration laws due to 9/11, our family was progressing with our green card case. It seemed as though there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The lawyer that worked on our case was known for his superior expertise and knowledge with immigration cases. Because of his credibility, our family was optimistic that our case would be successful. We placed our hope and trust in him instead of God. And that’s where we all went wrong.

A few weeks after we obtained our interview notice, we received two letters in the mail. The first letter notified us that our lawyer was arrested and sent to jail. We were flabbergasted and shocked. How could this happen? The second letter turned our world upside down.

It was a letter of denial. Our green card case had been denied. Our lawyer had used fraudulent documents to submit our case without our knowledge. And the US government would not accept our case even though it wasn’t our fault. It couldn’t be. Most of our savings had been spent on this case. What were we supposed to do? This shattered my entire family. I saw my father in tears for the very first time in my life.

My dad was losing his faith in Allah (swt). He was beginning to question God. Why would He do this to us? Why were we denied our green cards when it wasn’t our fault? I also began to question God myself.

Academic Achievement: Despite this setback, I still had hope. I worked hard in school. I knew that anything less than an “A” on my report card would not be accepted. I had to give my parents a reason to continue fighting this battle. And I wanted to be that reason.

I worked really hard to get all A’s. I received numerous honors and awards for my academic success. I was one of the best students in my entire school. And my dad was proud of me. He was so proud of me that he didn’t give up on my dreams. He continued to fight once again.

The second attempt: Both of my parents worked 2 jobs for long hours. They were desperately saving up to submit a new green card case. My mom came home with sore feet and sweaty clothes every night. My dad came home every night at 2 AM.

I would not let them down. I couldn’t, no matter what. I continued to push through high school with my good grades. I wanted to give my parents the hope that they lacked. I didn’t want them to give up. And they didn’t. They applied a second time for the green card with their new savings.

The Setback: I had a list of colleges and universities that I wanted to apply to. I hoped that my stellar academic record would help me get accepted to the schools.  However, the setback was financial aid. My family had no money to pay for these schools. I was panicking. I decided to work part time during my senior year to save up for college. But I quickly realized that it wouldn’t be enough.

All of my friends were applying for FAFSA (federal financial aid that is given based on need). My heart lit up with hope again. I was optimistic that I qualified for financial aid because of my parents’ low income. I went to the student center to begin my application. My mind was racing with happiness. I could go to college now. As I started to fill out the application, a question on the form stumped me. “Are you a US citizen or a permanent resident?” I was neither. I didn’t have a green card. And the system wouldn’t let me continue the application.  I had to be either a US citizen or a green card holder to apply for financial aid. I was ineligible, unworthy of any aid or help, because of my legal status, which was not my fault. I ran out of the office with tears streaming down my face.

It was the green card again. It was ruining my life. I couldn’t do anything without it. And I hated my life revolving around this document.

The Balcony: I became severely depressed. My life seemed to come to a standstill.  All my hard work throughout high school seemed to be for nothing. My parents were having doubts about staying in the US. They were arguing and fighting about whether we should stay in the States or leave. My house seemed like a hell hole and I couldn’t take it anymore. I began to have suicidal thoughts. I wanted to end my life. The green card failed us. I failed myself. I failed my parents.

One evening I opened the balcony of our 5^th floor condo. I looked outside. The orange clouds surrounded the trees as the sun was setting in the distant horizon. I felt splashes of rain water on my skin as I stepped onto the patio. I felt the rough gravel of the floor and smelled the freshly mown grass outside. This would be my chance to end it all. I would jump and the agony would end. The green card wouldn’t torment me anymore. It wouldn’t be my burden or my problem anymore. I stepped onto the railing. I looked out into the sky. I knew God didn’t care about my problems. He never answered my prayers anyway. He didn’t grant us the green card. And He wouldn’t care if I jumped.

“DON’T do it. Don’t give up now. Just have HOPE. And HOLD on to it,” someone inside me screamed.  Who was this speaking to me? And why wouldn’t this voice let me jump? I was about to jump again. “NO! Believe in Him. He does listen. Just be patient and let Him help you.” I couldn’t get myself to jump anymore.

“He can’t help. Nobody can,” I whispered. It was almost night time. I started to cry. I started to call out for help in the darkness. Nobody could hear it; nobody but Him.

“This is SO hard for me and my family. I want to give them the hope and the strength to fight. I want to go to college to have a better life. But I can’t. We have no green card. We have no papers. We have no money. We have nothing. We don’t belong anywhere. Nobody understands us. Nobody knows our pain. All our du`a’s (prayers)are unanswered. And I can’t take this pain anymore. My life is not worth living. I am a failure and I hate myself. I doubt myself. I doubt YOU. It’s hard to believe that You exist; that You know what you’re doing. But I don’t know where to turn.  Help me. Help us. Give us some light and some hope. Ease our burdens and hardships. I beg you!” I cried. Darkness swept the horizon as I cried into the night on the balcony.

The Miracle and the Lesson: I was getting ready for a job interview. I gave up on going to college. I gave up on my dreams. I gave up on the green card. My dad came home with a letter in his hand. There were tears in his eyes. I was afraid that we received a second green card rejection.  Something was different, however. They were tears of happiness. He handed the letter to me. I gave him a puzzled look and reluctantly took the letter from him.

I held the letter in my hand and I was shocked. This is the letter that changed my entire life. I couldn’t believe it. SubhanAllah (exalted is He)!  I had received a full scholarship to a prestigious four year university and I don’t even know how I received it. As I began to realize the reality of the situation, I shuddered. Could it be? Had God accepted my prayers that night on the balcony? Is He trying to teach me to have faith and hope in Him? Did He really care about me?

All of these questions led to my quest towards finding Allah (swt). Alhamdullilah (all praise and thanks to Allah)! That scholarship letter from Allah taught me something that day. Allah (swt) did not abandon me. He never has. And He never will. The green card rejection taught me the true meaning of patience and perseverance. And verily with every hardship, Allah gives ease.

“Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him.
Allah will grant after hardship, ease.”  [Qur’an, 65:7]

More importantly, it truly taught me to believe in Him. I learned to place my hope and trust in the One above instead of the lawyer or the green card. I learned to be grateful to Him for all the blessings that I have instead of complaining about the things I did not have.

“Say, ‘Nothing will we be struck except by what Allah has decreed for us; He is our Protector.’ And upon Allah let the believers rely.” [Qur’an, 9:51]

See, the green card isn’t just a card for me. It was one of my biggest means to get closer to Allah. It was an entire chapter of continuous lifelong lessons from the best Teacher and the Creator of mankind.

The major negative effects of 9/11 were:

1. The murder of 3,000-plus innocent people, whose “crime” was going to work to support their families.
2. Demonstrating our 800-billion-dollar a year defense budget (which is six times more than China, who is next on the list of defense spending) has major holes in it. Of course, there are the hundreds of previous government officials, military officers, scientists and scholars of the highest institutions that have brought forth testimonies and evidence that there are major issues in the official story of 9/11, which questions the ease by which Bin Laden and his crew orchestrated these horrendous attacks from the mountains of Afghanistan.
3. A million innocent Afghani and Iraqi people have been murdered, whose only “crime” was having a corrupt government.
4. The destruction of those two innocent countries, causing chaos, division and strife.
5. The placement and support of a highly corrupt regime in Afghanistan.
6. The two wars in Afghanistan and Iraq fueling a fringe element of extremist ideology amongst Muslims.
7. Mainstream mass media blaming 1.5 billion Muslims for this and spreading fear against Islam and Muslims the world over.  Whether fueled by strategic anti-Islam agenda or just trying to create an attractive story, images like that of the World Trade Center burning, and then fading into a photo of Muslims engaged in prayer, have played a major role in the formation of hate groups, which produce the likes of the recent Norwegian terrorist  Anders Breivik.
8. Giving credence and purpose to the anti-Islam movement that has existed since the time of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.
9. The rapid downfall of the U.S. and thus the world economy.

Major positive effects:

1. The millions of curious objective people who didn’t accept the anti-Islam rhetoric and researched the faith and interacted with Muslims, causing most of them to have a favorable view of Islam and Muslims, as well as multitudes embracing Islam.
2. It woke up many Muslims and their Islamic centers to fulfill their responsibility in presenting the message of Islam to their neighbors.
3. The removal of Saddam Hussein and the Taliban from power.

When comparing these two sets of facts, it becomes obvious that this tragedy was ugly and highly negative. It produced anger, hatred, bias, fear, chaos, bloodshed and poverty. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who is a Methodist minister and I mentioned to him that, although Muslims mourned the loss of 9/11 and condemned the evil that caused it, we feel uncomfortable with these anniversaries. We feel that the anniversary says “Don’t forget when those “Muslim” terrorists attacked our country, so let’s join in solidarity against them.” The minister agreed that an anniversary should be a remembrance of a positive joyous occasion.

Islam is about beauty, mercy and God-consciousness and it should be remembered and understood as such. There is a famous hadith which says, “Indeed God is beautiful and He loves beauty…” (Muslim). God is defined primarily at the beginning of each chapter of the Quran as the loving, merciful, gracious, compassionate, forgiving, beneficent, etc. Muslim theologians have agreed from the time of the Prophet until this very day that the most comprehensive verse of the Qur’an about the message of Islam is:

“Indeed God calls for justice, a high standard of virtuous interaction, and preserving the rights of kinship. He forbids ugly immorality, sin and aggression. He reminds you so that perhaps you will be mindful.”(Qur’an, 16:90)

The acts of 9/11 were completely in contrast to this authoritative definitive verse of the Qur’an, so we will not accept the horror of 9/11 as being related to Islam. The burden now rests on the shoulders of every Muslim to understand their faith correctly and how to properly relate it to our neighbors. In doing this, we can promote the truth of Islam and dispel the lies and anti-Islam rhetoric.

This requires us to achieve balance in our approach to the world, as it relates to spiritual tolerance and intellectualism, while remaining proud of the divine message that we are calling to.

“Thus, We have chosen you to be an ideal moderate balanced nation so that you may be witnesses upon mankind and that Messenger can be a witness for you.”(Qur’an, 2:143)

We must step out of our enclaves and interact with society according to the values of this verse and the rest of the Qur’an and the Sunnah. This is first done by building relationships with neighbors, co-workers, classmates, the interfaith community, etc. The method is simple: be a Muslim, understand Islam and its priorities without coming off as preaching, and let it be known you are Muslim. The Qur’an says,

“Who is better in speech than He who calls to the path of God and works righteousness saying, ‘Indeed I am a Muslim.’”(Qur’an, 41:33).

Presenting Islam is based upon wisdom and gentle preaching, as mentioned in the Qur’an:

“Call to the path of your Lord with wisdom and gentle preaching…” (16:125)

This verse, in conjunction with the previously-mentioned verse, dictates that we first act like Muslims, and if the chance arises we present our message. First of all, this means it is NOT correct to get into theological debates with people as an act of da`wah. Very rarely will you change someone’s mind about religion by proving something to them in a debate. In many cases ,you will alienate them with your dogmatic religiosity. If discussion naturally goes somewhere, or you are asked a specific question, then you can mention a point about Islam. In other cases, once you’ve built a good relationship, you might have an open religious discussion. In any case, you must present Islam with wisdom and understanding, which is a big gift from God that we must strive and pray for:

“…Whoever has been given wisdom has been given a lot of good…” (2:269)

Finally, one of the most important parts of our mission as Muslims, that we are very weak in, is community service. Every single Mosque should have an active role in soup kitchens, clothing the homeless, keeping the city clean, etc. In my opinion, this weakness in our community is a result of our lack of seeing this land as ours and the inhabitants as our people, our brothers in humanity and nationality. Don’t forget how the Qur’an refers to the Prophets and their people:

“We sent to the city of Ad their brother Hud. He said, “O my people, worship God as there is no god other than Him” (11:50)

We will conclude with a verse which sums up our responsibility,

“You are the greatest nation brought forth for the benefit of mankind. You enjoin all good; you forbid all evil and believe in God…” (3:110)

My Reflections on the 10^th Anniversary of 9/11

I woke up. Everything was spinning. The fading blue sky was spinning over my head as the sun had just begun to set in September 1991.

Where am I?

I was sleeping in the backseat of my friend’s Jeep Cherokee going north on I-45 from Galveston, TX. We had lost a tire and were spinning out of control. I peered up at the driver’s seat and saw my friend calmly trying to control the car. I looked at the passenger seat and saw my other friend, equally calm. Their demeanor was chilling because it was a calm that is only brought about by shock. Approximately 3 seconds had passed since I opened my eyes. In the fourth second I looked over the side of the open Jeep. You see, it was a late 80’s Jeep Cherokee and that Jeep is a wide open vehicle. No windows. No roof. It was a recipe for death.

It was a beautiful day —well, almost evening— as the daylight was slowly waning. It was probably 7:00pm. I’m sure if I searched some records, I would find out the exact date and time. I’ve never wanted to revisit it, until now.

THUD!

Thank God. We landed in the emergency lane and just hit the freeway wall, I thought to myself. I looked over, in what was probably the seventh second, and there was no emergency lane. We were perpendicular to the wall blocking northbound traffic. I saw the headlights of the oncoming car, the bulbs of that dark green Toyota Camry glowing dull in the daylight. There was simply no chance of survival. I had reached the end of my life, and it was one great adventure of a life, though I had no time to realize that in those few seconds before impact. In the eighth second I raised my right index finger to the sky and declared in Arabic, “I bear witness that there exists no deity other than God, and that Muhammad is His Messenger.”

CRASH!

I did not feel myself flying in the air, but felt the earth move out from under me. I did not yell or scream. I did not utter a sound. Instead, I felt the “wooooooah!” one is unwittingly compelled to exclaim when riding a roller-coaster due to the enormous gravitational force. I do recall that the breeze was pleasant and the sky cloudy and a beautiful pale pastel shade of indigo.

In the 11th second I hit the concrete landing on the right side of my hip destroying my pelvis, seriously damaging my femur at the acetabulum —a word that always stuck with me because it just sounded so utterly hilarious— and bludgeoning my organs. The internal bleeding was substantial. I hit the concrete so hard that I bounced back up into the air and was headed face first for a second impact into the asphalt concrete. I raised my arms to shield my face as had become instinct from years of training in martial arts —something I highly recommend every parent bequeath their children with— and landed on my elbows instead of my face thereby shattering my bones. To this day I have metal in my arm. The X-ray looks like something out of the Uncanny X-Men. Once at the airport, when the security wand repeatedly squealed when passed over my forearm, the puzzled TSA agent asked me, “Yo! You Wolverine, dawg?”

Where was I?

I rolled onto my back. Ah! There was that beautiful pale blue Texas sky again with its cotton-ball clouds. I survived. I don’t know how, or why, but I survived and I wondered if it was only to then get run over by an 18-wheeler. I never lost consciousness, or sense, so I picked myself up and rose to my knees —the doctors never understood how I did that since I wasn’t supposed to be able to move— and began to talk to God. It was a private conversation. I soon fell to my back and wouldn’t rise up again on my own until many months later. I wasn’t to get run over by a truck. Against all odds and the laws of physics, I wasn’t to die that day. I never even lost consciousness until I was put under for surgery to fix up the damage done. As a kid I always wanted to be a Rock star —truth be told, I still do — and that was the closest I had ever gotten as I would make the 10 o’clock news that night.

Both of my friends, in spite of wearing their seat-belts, likewise, flew out of the Jeep, but both broke their necks upon hitting the ground. Every mosque in Houston, TX prayed for the three of us even though my friends were not Muslim. Why wouldn’t they? I’m proud that they did. Miraculously, all three of us not only survived, but fully recovered and flourished. In spite of the doctors telling me that I may not walk again, after much physical therapy I was walking again a year later. It was an amazing testimony to the power of prayer from complete strangers, many of whom —praying ardently in those mosques around Houston — I would never meet.

Having stared death in the eye — and it wasn’t the last time I would, but those are many a story that shan’t be told here — I wasn’t about to chance meeting my Maker unprepared. Thenceforth, I immersed myself in my faith for the next 10 years traveling many lands far and wide in search for the Truth. Again, those are valuable stories saved for a later date.

10 years later…

I woke up. Everything was spinning. The blurry ceiling fan spun with a slight wobble over my head as the sun was at its peak in September 2001. There was a forceful rapping upon my door.

Shibli, hurry downstairs! Something is happening!

Hearing such alarm in my otherwise notoriously stoic father was enough to jolt me out of the bed. I rushed downstairs and saw my Dad sitting on the couch with jaw hanging, mouth agape, staring at the big screen TV. In his life, my father has seen it all. In his youth, he and his friend, armed with shotguns on a motorcycle, had rescued dozens of families from a blood thirsty crowd during an anti-Muslim massacre he lived through in his early 20’s. Aside from the carnage he witnessed there, he had seen it all. Seeing him in such shock terrified me because I knew that whatever it was, it was serious.

I saw buildings emitting billows of smoke and nervous chatter that I was still too sleepy to make out. I distinctly remember the words “truck bomb”. I quickly realized it was the World Trade Center in New York and it was in flames. As we watched and listened to every “expert” offer as many contradictory assessments of what was happening as possible, suddenly, without warning, my father and I watched a jumbo jet —what we would later learn was United Airlines Flight 175— fly into the tower and vanish into a great waft of orange smoke incandescent in a way that one would think of hell.

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

My father’s exclamations rose in volume and intensity with each utterance. I know why my father was alarmed. This wasn’t a catastrophe that affected us immediately. We were in Texas. This was happening in New York. Yet, I knew why my father was alarmed and I dreaded the same.

Please God. Please. Don’t let this be an act committed by Muslims. For if it was, Your Wrath will descend upon us all.

Seeming to be reaching from cracks in the earth unleashing the denizens of hell, thick ashen smoke rose up as the towers collapsed. I saw images of people hurling themselves out of the building’s windows. Perhaps, they thought that in the building they had no chance and that if they jumped out, though remote, there might be a chance. Perhaps, they just thought it was a quicker and easier death. Perhaps, they didn’t think at all and some primordial instinct of flight emerged after eons of human evolution. As I saw them flying, I remembered how I had felt 10 years before as I flew through the air with an unflinching certainty of my own death. I remembered being calm and accepting of my fate with only God on my mind. For some reason —perhaps imagined, perhaps not— I saw that same calm in them as they fell through the air likes flowers dropped from a height. In spite of the agony of that day, and the agony that would follow, maybe they were at peace. They had more bravery and fortitude of spirit than the ones who flew the planes in the World Trade Center towers, and even more than those who would politicize them post-mortem to rouse fear and division amongst Americans. Muslims were stabbed and shot in the streets of America. Sikhs, following a religion completely unrelated to Islam, were slain simply because they “looked” Muslim.

I immediately set off to the birthplace of Osama bin Ladin, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, to learn from those whom Osama bin Ladin had claimed were his mentors. I was surprised to find that they all hated him and had been active in refuting him for years. The man was a fraud. My relatives who had fought against the Soviets from the Afghan province of Paktia, where Bin Ladin supposedly participated in great feats against the Soviets, would testify that they had never even heard of him until his name became a staple of the Western media many, many years after the Soviets had withdrawn from Afghanistan. I remember asking Shaykh Salman al-`Awdah, a scholar for whom — to this day — I have found no equal anywhere in the world, what the Muslims were to do as our lands were invaded. It was a question I had been hearing much discussion of in those times. Shaykh Salman told me that our obligation was to excel in our character and vocations, and contribute to society so that the world would know us as healers and builders and not destroyers. I saw in Osama bin Ladin’s birthplace, like nowhere else in the world, what kind of lie he and his ideology amounted to. I brought that home with me. I remember laying in bed in my hotel room — in a hotel allegedly once owned by Osama bin Ladin — writing up an apology to my beloved fellow Americans for the hapless events of 9/11. I stared at a blank page for hours. I typed a few lines. I backspaced. Nothing came out. These are the words I wanted to say then, but it took me 10 years to find them.

I am sorry, America. I am sorry that I couldn’t stop what happened. I am sorry that the murderers claimed to share my religion in some twisted and perverted way as they reveled in bars drinking liquor not long before the attacks they perpetrated. I am truly sorry. However, I will not allow anyone to blame me for it. I empathize and suffer with you, my beloved country. Yet please know this: If it was in my power, I would stop my fellow Muslim from causing even the slightest injustice against you, regardless of your race or religion, to the utmost of my ability. This is the teaching of the Prophet Muhammad ( صلى الله عليه وسلم).

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: انصر أخاك ظالما أو مظلوما. قالوا: يا رسول الله، هذا ننصره مظلوما، فكيف ننصره ظالما؟ قال: تأخذ فوق يديه

“The Prophet ( صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, ‘Help your brother when he is the oppressor and when he is oppressed.’ His Companions replied, ‘O Messenger of God, we do understand helping him when he is oppressed, but how can we possibly help him when he is the oppressor? The Prophet replied, ‘Seize him by his hands!'” ((Sahih al-Bukhari, narrated by Anas bin Malik))

I will do as my Prophet has taught me and do everything I can to protect you, but I will not allow you to oppress me and blame me for a deed that was not mine.

Those poor souls, flying out of the World Trade Center and to the next world, deserved more than to be used for the opportunistic political gain of fear mongers. They deserve more than bumper stickers emblazoned with over-marketed slogans of “Never forget” and “Support our troops”. Those slogans are meaningless without action. Let us truly “never forget” and love one another, for the murders of 9/11 were the illegitimate child of hate bred with fear.

I leave you with what God teaches us in the Qur’an:

“Evil and good can never be equated. Push back with that which is best. You will find that the one between whom and yourself was enmity will have become as a confidante and friend.” (Qur’an, 41:34)

Fight fire with fire and the world will burn. Fight hate with love and the world can be turned. Let’s “support our troops”. Let the next ones who fly through the air be our troops flying home far, far away from war. They’ve done their duty to their country. Now let’s do ours to mankind.

My son was nine months old when the tragedy of September 11^th unfolded and his views of terrorism and Muslims have been filled with naiveté.  He did not know anything about 9/11 until he was 8 years old when I began explaining the significance of 9/11. The conversations over the years have evolved into helping him understand what terrorism is, why Muslims were involved and what Islam teaches. He does not hold the same anxiety and preoccupation with the events of 9/11 because he has not personally experienced or felt the social and political impact.  Yet, as he gets older he will be exposed to more ideas through his school environment and will eventually witness racial and/or religious profiling and expressions of hate in the current social climate of the U.S.

Many non-Muslim children are able to understand the events of 9/11 as terrorism “by some bad people” who don’t look like them or share a belief system with them. However, for Muslim children the events of 9/11 are a little more perplexing because they were perpetuated by violent Muslims. This can cause confusion in Muslim children because the people who did something so horrible attribute themselves to the same religion. Terrorism in general is very difficult to understand in the first place, but terrorism perpetuated by Muslims is even more difficult to comprehend.

Sadly for many Muslim children, their first experience understanding 9/11 occurs at school on the playground, often when a classmate accuses them of being a terrorist. These children usually come home utterly confused with lots of questions.  Therefore, Muslim parents must reduce their personal anxiety and begin to discuss the events of 9/11 before their children come home confused.  Creating a safe and nurturing environment at home where difficult topics can be discussed is important for our children.  Empowering children with knowledge will help them understand the difference between their religion and the acts of these terrorists.

1.  Ask If (or where) they heard information about 9/11.  Then you can follow their lead and continue the discussion based on what they know, what they heard, what they ask, and what you think they really are asking.

2. Listen more, speak less. Listen beyond their questions to understand how they are feeling about what they are learning. Acknowledge their thoughts, feelings and reactions and assure them that their questions and concerns are important to you.

3. Be brief.  Children don’t want to hear a lecture. They just want a simplified version of the event and then they want to ask questions.  Keep your language simple and only use concepts they can understand.

4. Cater information to the child’s age. It is not beneficial to expose young children to the scary events of 9/11 because it will shake their sense of safety and they could confuse their own fears with the facts.  Most children after the age of seven can begin to understand the significance of 9/11 and parents can give them a general idea of what happened. Let children take the lead in how much information you share. Older children can handle more information than younger children, and parents should allow children to ask questions and not give them more information than they are asking.

You can begin with your 8 and 9 year old by saying something like: “Ten years ago something very sad happened in New York on September 11th.  Some bad people took over planes and chose to crash them into buildings causing a lot of people to die.  Everyone was shocked and scared when it happened.  Today, we are safe and people work hard to protect us so that it will never happen again. It was such an unusual and sad event that happened, that people always remember it.”

For children 10 years old and older who may ask more “Why?” questions such as “Why did this happen? “Why did Muslims do this?” “Why do people hate Muslims?” You could respond with something like: “These people were angry with how the government was treating people in the Middle East so they chose to express their feelings in a very inappropriate way, by hurting and scaring people here. They are called terrorists because they tried to scare people so they can feel more powerful; kind of like a bully.  The sad part is that these people said they were Muslims, but we know that Muslims should not hurt or scare other people, even if they are angry. They did something that is against what Allah teaches us and against the way we are supposed to solve problems. So, how do you think a Muslim is supposed to solve problems when they are frustrated? (let your child answer and help them with examples of proper behavior). The horrible way this small group of Muslims behaved was not what Allah teaches us. But the people who don’t know anything about Islam don’t realize that this is not what Muslims believe so because they are scared they sometimes say hateful things about all Muslims. Muslims want to live in peace and safety like everyone else and we have to be good to one another no matter what because we are all Allah’s creation.”

5. Reassure them they are safe.  Children are egocentric by nature and will want to understand how the events relate to their lives and safety. Reassure them that they are safe and remind them that people like firefighters and police officers work hard to keep us safe.  Encourage them also to pray to Allah to keep us all safe and healthy.

6. Turn off the T.V.  Younger children should not be exposed to violent images and news stories on the T.V. because it can be scary and overwhelming for them and it is developmentally inappropriate.  With older children, if you allow them to watch the news with you, be sure to discuss the images they see and allow them to ask questions.  However, exposing our children, especially younger children, to excessive violence and disturbing images can be psychologically damaging for them because they have more difficulty processing the images they see and ultimately are not able to move on as quickly as adults.

7. Be prepared for several conversations. Children often ask the same questions over again.  This is not because they are forgetful or because they are trying to frustrate you.  This is the way younger children seek reassurance.  As they process the information they learn from you and hear more information from their friends and classmates, they will develop new thoughts and questions that may cause insecurities about their identity or even general safety. Be open, so that your child can revisit the topic when they want to. Conversations don’t need to be serious “sit-down” moments.  In fact, they are most effective when you allow them to flow naturally during everyday situations, whenever the child expresses curiosity. Having “the talk” (whatever the topic may be) with our children is not an effective way of addressing their curiosities or building an open and comfortable space for communication. Discussing difficult topics in general, such as terrorism, must become an ongoing process as your child gets older.

Discussing the events of 9/11 will help your children understand the world they live in and reconcile the bad actions of some with the teachings of Islam.  They will also not feel apologetic or blameworthy because they understand the true teachings of their faith.  Once a child is old enough to understand the concept, there is nothing gained by hiding the fact that there are some Muslims who make really bad choices. The events of 9/11 and acts of terrorism in general are difficult enough for most adults to comprehend and even more difficult for children.  Parents must help their children make sense of terrorism by listening and responding to their children honestly and supporting their need for safety. Creating an open and honest environment to discuss difficult topics will help children develop a stronger bond with their parents and feel comfortable talking to them about anything.  Remember that children will learn about the events of 9/11 one way or another, either through playground conversations or by trying to listen in on adult conversations.  More often than not, information gained in these ways is inaccurate and not consistent with the understanding we want our children to get.  As the wise saying of Jafar As-sadiq goes: “endeavor to converse with your children, in case others who transgress and disobey get to them before you.” In other words, speak to your children before someone else does. Parents must be proactive and supportive teachers to their children by sharing with them the world in which they live and by developing open communication about difficult topics like terrorism and world events.