Originally posted May 2012

The Qur’an Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

I was not a conscientious Muslim. As I entered my freshman year of high school, I had one very specific goal which I was determined to accomplish: to become popular. “Piety” was not consistent with this goal – at least not in my perspective. It was for this reason that I expressed disdain when my dad announced we would be undertaking the religious journey to Mecca in the summer following my freshman year of high school. I recall telling a friend, “Man, I’m scared. I don’t want to change!” I knew people went to Mecca and then became super religious. I didn’t want that to happen to me.

Mecca

As we entered the Grand Mosque, my dad told my mom, my brother, and me to keep our eyes down until we reached the opening of the Masjid, until we were in a space which would allow for our first glimpse of the House of Allah, the Ka’ba, to be in our full view. As we walked through the halls of the Grand Mosque, I heard my mom and dad crying. I knew this was supposed to be a spiritual experience. I could see that they were going through something incredible, but I felt nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. Finally, we approached steps which led to a great opening. At this point, my dad instructed, “Look up.”

ALLAH! In that moment, my vision was suddenly filled with the beloved Ka’ba. As if awakened from the dead, as if beating for the first time, my heart was immediately gripped indescribably. It suddenly filled with this unexplainable, fully tangible presence of the Creator of the Universe. I began to bawl; I was struck with the realization that this feeling, this closeness to God, could only happen because He truly exists. I began to regret all I had done and all the time I had wasted; I began circumambulating the Ka’ba, weeping, begging Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) to forgive me.

When we returned to America, I had difficulty maintaining my spiritual awakening. I decided that I would begin to read the Qur’an. I reasoned that I could watch hours of television a day and so, at the very least, I had an obligation to read at least five pages a day. I hadn’t touched the Qur’an in years. I’m not Arab, I was not raised knowing Arabic; I had just learnt how to read the letters when joined together when I was really young, like many Muslim children. I hadn’t practiced reading Arabic in so many years that I was painfully slow at it; reading five pages easily turned into an hour ordeal, if not longer. I didn’t understand anything I read, but I kept trying.

One day, my mom passed by my room and suggested, “Maryam, why don’t you read it in English? At least then you’ll understand what you’re reading.” To me, this was a lucrative suggestion; I was a really fast reader in English. If I read half the page in English and half of it in Arabic, it’d take much less time to get through five pages a day.

I began and I transformed. Reading the Qur’an in English and being able to come to an understanding of what its message conveyed captivated me. I began to change internally and it slowly took hold of my external being; my thoughts, my intentions, my actions… I slowly began to internalize a conscientiousness that revolutionized my life. I was mesmerized by the Qur’an and it was then that I decided I would undertake memorizing it.

It took me over seven years to memorize the Qur’an. In the time span that I spent memorizing, I had other responsibilities simultaneously. I was either studying or working full time (or a combination of both), I was the president or lead figure of an organization or community work, and I had familial responsibilities. The only time I was able to focus almost completely on the Qur’an was when I moved to Egypt for eleven months, in which I dedicated about two hours a day to memorization while I also studied Arabic and did Arabic homework for about seven hours of the day. However, the majority of the memorization occurred in America, amidst a crazy schedule. I memorized while I had to take care of life responsibilities; you, too, can memorize while taking care of business.

10 Tips for Serious Seekers of the Qur’an

1. Realize the Reason, Know Allah is Your Guide
   • Why memorize the Qur’an? Because it will give you a constant, incredible, and personally special relationship with The Creator, with The Sustainer, with The One Who has power over all things.
     • You want the best of both worlds? It’s through the Qur’an. It’s through memorizing, understanding, loving and most importantly, living it. When one is sincere about memorizing it, one needs to be completely aware of the heavy responsibility and glorified honor of living as Allah’s servant and carrying His words in their hearts. This must translate into their actions. The key: Sincerity.
   • Make the Intention to Invest in Your Akhira (Hereafter)
     • The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) taught us,  ‘The Qur’aan will meet its companion on the Day of Resurrection when his grave is opened for him, in the form of a pale man. It will say to him, ‘Do you recognize me?’ He will say: ‘I do not recognize you.’ It will say: ‘I am your companion the Qur’aan, who kept you thirsty on hot days and kept you awake at night. Every merchant benefits from his business and today you will benefit from your good deeds.’ He will be given dominion in his right hand and eternity in his left, and there will be placed on his head a crown of dignity, and his parents will be clothed with priceless garments the like of which have never been seen in this world. They will say: ‘Why have we been clothed with this?’ It will be said: ‘Because your son used to recite Qur’aan.’ Then it will be said to him: ‘Recite and ascend in the degrees of Paradise,’ and he will continue to ascend so long as he recites, either at a fast pace or a slow pace.’ [Ahmad, Ibn Majah]
   • Know that Allah is with You
     • Allah Most High says in a Hadith Qudsi (record containing the words of God), “When my servant takes one step towards Me, I take ten steps towards him. When my servant comes walking towards me, I come running towards him.” Recognize that you are not alone; that it is the One Who revealed these words Who will help you learn and retain them. The struggle must begin with the servant, but the Lord is the One Who will continually open the way and aid you through the struggle.
2. When it’s Hard, There is Twice the Reward
   • Wait, what? You don’t understand Arabic? Wait, what? You aren’t Arab? Wait, you’re Arab, but your tajweed (rules of recitation/pronunciation) is really off?
     • For you, the Prophet ﷺ has shared words of encouragement, “Such a person who recites the Qur’an and masters it by heart, will be with the noble righteous scribes (in Heaven). And such a person exerts himself to learn the Qur’an by heart, and recites it with great difficulty, will have a double reward,” (Muslim).
3. Start Correctly and Use Technology
   • Find a Teacher or Qur’an Buddy, Learn tajweedand Work Consistently
     • When I first decided I would commit to memorizing, I found a teacher and told her I was ready. But I had never studied tajweed and my recitation was completely incorrect! She asked me, “Do you want to memorize, or do you want to memorize correctly? There is no point in memorizing it wrong and then having to go back and do it all over again.”
     • The most difficult test I came across with memorizing the Qur’an was not being able to find a consistent teacher. This sometimes led to many months of not memorizing anything and only working on review. When I didn’t find a teacher, I turned to friends who could help me with my tajweed and we became Qur’an buddies. On campus, over the phone, in cars in random parking lots, in-between running from one meeting to another, we would recite to one another and we would keep each other in check until we were able to find teachers. A teacher (or if you can’t find one, a Qur’an buddy) is CRITICAL to progress with the Qur’an.
     • One of the best things that has ever happened to me in my entire life, all praise and thanks be to God, was being blessed with the Qur’an teacher that helped me so immensely through my memorization: Shaykh Moheb. I learned love for the Qur’an, commitment to the Qur’an, a life of gratitude and incredible contentment because of the Qur’an and a balanced perspective through the Qur’an from him. Seeing I was not Arab and was trying to memorize the Qur’an correctly, he took it upon himself to see me through it. May God bless his family in both worlds. I made du`a’ (supplication)(fervently) for a teacher like this for many years and was blessed with more than for what I made du`a’, but it took patience and continual struggle until I was rewarded with a teacher of such caliber. Seek the best teacher you can find and if they are not there, keep making du`a’ for one and work through other avenues.
     • Use technology to assist you; to help practice your tajweed and help you memorize, there are a number of resources dedicated to those who want to memorize the Qur’an. If you have ever used one, please feel free to share what has worked for you!
4. Date the Qu’ran
   • When I was MSA President in college, I had many responsibilities added to my academic, work, volunteer, knowledge, and familial obligations. However, everyday, I made a special date with the Qur’an that no one could touch. My phone was away, my email was gone – I was booked for that time period and it didn’t matter how huge of an event I needed to prepare for the next day. Just as we make time for people, work and classes, we need to schedule in time to meet up with the Qur’an and strive to show it that we’re sincere and serious about a long-term relationship.
5. The Qur’an is Where the Party’s At
   • Sometimes, memorizing the Qur’an means denying invitations to social gatherings. Don’t get me wrong; it is ESSENTIAL for one’s spiritual and emotional well-being to be balanced and have social connections and relationships regularly. However, there will be times when the portion that must be memorized is going to take more time and that means leaving early from or not being able to make it to the party. These are sacrifices we make for Allah (swt) and the Qur’an and He replaces them with better if we pay attention.
6. Make Du`a’Constantly
   • In every prayer, in every moment of prostration, between every athan (call to prayer) and iqama (call to begin prayer), ask God to make us of the Ahlul Qur’an (the people of the Qur’an), those whom the Prophet ﷺ taught, “The people of the Qur’an are the people of Allah and His special servants,” (An-Nisa’i). Realize you are not alone. There are some du`a’ I began making seven years ago and they only have started to manifest six or seven years after I started making them rigorously. There will be times one might want to give up, one might feel like there’s no progress, one might feel like everyone else is finishing so quickly, so easily, and that nothing is clicking. Wait. Be patient. Keep working and keep making du`a’. Soon, everything will open because of your sincerity , work and du`a’ and when it does, every second of the struggle is so much sweeter and so much more worth it.
7. Trade a Mushaf (Qur’an) with Someone and Understand What You’re Memorizing
   • When starting, find someone else who wants to begin and give them a mushaf (written Qur’an) and ask them to give you one as well. This way, every time they or you work on memorizing, you’re both receiving incredible rewardsfrom each other’s memorization.
   • It can be more difficult to memorize if one has no clue what the meaning of the verses are. If one does not understand the language of the Qur’an, make sure to also keep a translation close by to read from it to contextualize the verses and pick up on the meaning.
8. Do Good Deeds “For the Sake of the Qur’an”
   • When one experiences extra difficulty in memorizing or has just finished a great portion, give some small financial or action-based charity and ask Allah (swt) to accept it for the Qur’an; ask Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala fervently for tawfiq (success), for sincerity, and for a love life with His Words.
   • The Qur’an is special and it does not “need” us. We need the Qur’an to guide us and to enrich our lives. The Qur`an isn’t going to just come to anyone who attempts to memorize it, then leaves it, then attempts it, then leaves it. It also doesn’t just easily lend itself to individuals who knowingly commit sins and persist in those sins without regret and without seeking to change. As one Shaykh taught, “The Qur’an is Aziz (dear, noble, venerated). If you don’t want to be with it or memorize it, then it’s not going to ‘wait around’ for you.” You want to be special to the Qur’an? Work for it through your righteous actions when you’re not working with it directly.
9. Honor One’s Parents
   • As I learned from an anecdote shared by Imam Suhaib Webb, the pleasure of one’s parents incredibly aids in easing the memorization of the Qur`an. The more one wants to memorize, the more one should increase in treating their parents with dignity, respect and appreciation through words, through actions and through merciful companionship. (Thank you Mom and Dad!!)
10. The Qur’an Should Spark an Internal Revolution
    • Even more important than memorizing the Qur’an is allowing it catalyze one’s transformation. If one’s character is not reforming and improving, there’s a serious problem. Check your heart from the start and keep checking it; one’s actions should become more balanced and stronger in quality when interacting with the Qur’an.

Many people feel facing the challenge of memorizing the Qur`an is too difficult of a task. They may have tried it and given up, dabbled in it and lost focus or drive or simply refused to consider the idea because they feel it insurmountable. Think of memorizing the Qur`an like lifting weights. For a person who has never worked out and who desires the health benefits of increasing their strength, they may begin with just a few pounds. As they continue, the amounts they began with will feel insignificant in comparison to the heavy amounts they are now able to lift.

Similarly, beginning the memorization of the Qur’an seems difficult. One verse, two verses, may take a long time to memorize correctly; getting the pronunciation down perfectly may take years, remembering the order of the words may be a frustrating task. However, when one commits to it and makes it a part of their daily responsibilities, it becomes easier and easier. The two verses that took an hour to memorize will turn into the memorization of one entire page in fifteen minutes.

The Qur’an is easy and The One Who revealed the Qur`an tells us, “And We have certainly made the Qur’an easy for remembrance, so is there any who will remember?” (Qur`an, 54:17). It just takes dedication, commitment and time. Even if it takes you, as it took me, seven years, ten years, fifteen years, imagine being able to say, “I had a seven-year memorization relationship with the Qur’an and the quality of my life improved in every second. Now that I’m finished, an incredibly exciting chapter of our long-term, eternal relationship is about to begin!”

We all seek for our hearts to be in a state of contentment, tranquility and ease. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala tells us, “Those who believe, and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest,” (Qur‘an, 13: 28).

The best form of remembrance is that of the Qur`an. Will you allow your heart to find rest through it?

The Qur’an Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

Originally posted in August 2012

During Ramadan, many of us attend taraweeh (night prayers) at the masjid. Some of us stay until the Imam leads us in witr (a final supplementary prayer). For many of us, this can amount to over two hours of prayer time and for many of us, we understand almost nothing.

Sometimes, during the recitation of the Qur’an we hear the people around us crying profusely and we wish we could understand what could be so powerful that those around us are reduced to such tears. We can sometimes make out a specific word, but within a moment, we are back to indistinguishable meanings and simply wishing we knew what was going on.

I used to have no idea what was going on in the prayer. I remember standing for lengthy time periods behind the Imam, trying to make my mind focus but finding it constantly drift off; it’s very, very hard to concentrate when the mind has nothing to contextualize. I eventually would settle on trying to think of anything for which I could possibly be grateful. But taraweeh prayers are long; without understanding, my heart would simply get bored and my limbs would always fidget. Thoughts of my day, my concerns, my hopes and my food cravings after a day of fasting would all filter through my conscious while I shifted around. It’s hard to keep still for that long when one is mentally checked out and physically disengaged.

However, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala  (exalted is He) guided me to an action which changed my life and revolutionized my prayer and du`a (supplication) experience ever since. It’s simple, but it takes long-term dedication. The results, for me, were powerful and transformational. The common-sense solution that worked miracles in my life by Allah’s blessings: reading a translation.

Every single day, for a number of years, I would sit and read five pages of the Qur’an in the English translation. I would do this while both reciting and listening to the Arabic recitation, allowing my ears to become accustomed to the Arabic words associated with the English.

After a few months of this practice, the first Ramadan came. In my hometown masjid, the Imam would lead twenty rakahs (units of prayer). So I would pray eight rakahs and then sit in the back and read the translation of the verses for the next twelve. I continued this throughout Ramadan and was extremely consistent with this practice for the next year. Soon, my awareness of Arabic words increased; I realized that the Qur’an uses many of the same words over and over and I was able to recognize them. I was also becoming more familiar with the surahs (chapters); I had an introductory understanding of what themes were being discussed in certain portions of the Qur’an due to keywords and a general awareness of what the surah entailed.

By the second Ramadan, I was praying with purpose. While I still had no idea what every word meant, I had begun to comprehend general meanings of many of the chapters and I was able to grasp the overarching messages of some of the verses. I kept up my practice of praying eight and reading the translation. I even had a few emotional moments. I started looking forward to certain verses that were my favorites. I was finally beginning to understand and I was actually enjoying it; the sweetness of the Qur’an had penetrated my heart and taken hold of my body. Praying taraweeh in Ramadan became a means of nourishment for my soul and tranquility for my limbs.

I also began memorizing the Qur’an and the more I memorized, the more my vocabulary expanded. After four years of reading the translation consistently and memorizing the Qur`an, I was enthralled with the idea of praying for hours behind the Imam. I could not wait for Ramadan; all year I waited for the last ten nights specifically, when the Imam would recite the Qur’an for an even longer period of time. My character, my life’s purpose, my Ramadan experience completely changed because I finally grasped a general understanding of the Qur’an.

Six years after I began reading the translation consistently and memorizing portions of the Qur’an, I moved to Egypt to learn Arabic. When I started, I took a practice test and was placed in an intermediary level. However, when I met my teacher for the first time, barely able to communicate a few sentences, she was shocked. “Your vocabulary is so expansive,” she told me, “but you clearly are a beginner!” Needless to say, I was re-placed as a beginner. Throughout our lessons, my Arabic teacher would express her surprise at my ability to understand certain words in depth simply because they appeared in the Qur’an, while others I struggled with at great lengths. Eventually, she told me that my Qur’anic preparation was what helped me actually grasp the language and is what had originally placed me at a level far higher than I really was.

Focusing on learning Arabic in Egypt, even at a basic level, allowed me to come to appreciate the incredible linguistic miracles of the Qur’an. The grammar, the syntax, the rhetoric, use of specific words—an appreciation for the deeper linguistic mechanisms did not happen simply because I had read the translation for an extended period of time. However, by Allah’s blessings, my self-training had laid the groundwork and with it, I was able to appreciate the Qur`an, prayer, and du`a’ at levels far beyond what I had even imagined before making the commitment to seek understanding.

The lesson in this personal experience is that taking time to learn Arabic as a language, studying the grammar, syntax and rhetoric are very important, but not absolutely necessary for a meaningful relationship with understanding the messages of the Qur’an.  Studying Arabic can help create a more cumulative appreciation of the mind-blowing power of the Qur’an, but none of us needs to grasp onto a future hope or past failed attempts of being fluent in Arabic in order to emotionally and intellectually become attached to the Qur’an. Such a relationship can begin simply by dedicating oneself to understanding the general translation of the words of the Qur’an in our native languages, and that can take place at any place and time. It is one that requires commitment and time, but if a person is serious and dedicated, God willing, they will eventually see the benefits of their toil and they will begin to understand and fulfill their purpose with greater perfection and zeal.

Here is a suggested plan of action that should be fit to a person’s individual situation. This is what worked for me, and it will differ from one individual to another. If a person begins this Ramadan, taking advantage of the blessings of this month, with their own plan of action, insha’Allah (God willing) by next Ramadan, they will notice a marked difference in their taraweeh and Qur’anic experience. This is the month to make a commitment to act; this is the month of success.

1. Read the Qur`an in translation every single day. Choose a chunk to read in translation daily (ie: five pages) and couple it with reading it in Arabic and/or listening to it in Arabic.
2. During Ramadan specifically, choose to pray a certain number of rakahs for taraweeh, but also make it a point to sit down and follow the recitation with the English translation. What is of more benefit? Praying for hours without understanding and hoping to get rewards (insha’Allah) or sitting, reading and understanding, finding oneself captivated by the incredible power of the Qur’an and actually feeling oneself coming closer to Allah (swt) and changing one’s life to maintain that relationship with Him? Long term, in this life and the next, insha’Allah there are rewards for both. But for the one who strives, there is much more reward for a person who actually lives the Qur’an instead of standing for a period of time, completely tuned out because of a lack of understanding.
3. For Ramadan especially, try to read the translation of the surah that will be covered in that night’s prayer. That way, even if one is not able understand what is recited specifically, one will know the general meaning of the verses and one’s mind can focus on those general lessons and messages.
4. Hone in on key words and use them to focus on salah (prayer). For example, when familiar with the different words which indicate “Paradise,” imagine Paradise. Imagine standing in Paradise, with its breathtaking beauty…and suddenly finding someone covering your vision with their hands! When you turn around, imagine who you would want to see most in that moment. Your mom? Your dad? Your grandparent? Your sibling? Your spouse? Your child? Your best friend? Imagine. You haven’t seen this person in possibly decades, centuries—you’ve gone through life without them or death came to you first and you had been in the grave for some time. Then you made it through the Day of Judgment. You finally have entered Paradise—you passed the test! And suddenly, you are with the person who you loved and missed the most. How would you feel in that moment? Allow your heart to FEEL the verses talking about Paradise as they apply to you. Use keywords to help your mind and heart interact with the Qur’an’s message to you.
5. Listen to the Qur’an and its translation constantly; while stuck in frustrating traffic, while cooking and cleaning, while walking from one end of campus to another; allow the recitation of the Qur’an to penetrate the soul and the translation of the Qur’an to crack the hardened heart. The more one listens to the Arabic recitation and translation, the more familiar one will become with understanding the Qur’an.
6. Study the meanings of Qur’anic words specifically over time. Here is a suggested resource to begin: http://abdurrahman.org/qurantafseer/learnquran.pdf
7. Throughout the year, work on tajweed  (correct recitation of the Qur`an in Arabic) and memorization. Over time, this will significantly aid in a special working relationship with the Qur’an, God willing.

Many of us complain about our inability to understand what is being recited of the Qur’an and to maintain focus or enjoyment in prayer due to this reason. I know the feelings of boredom, frustration and helplessness. I know what it means to blame our lack of “experiencing” the “Ramadan feeling” on our lack of understanding of what is being recited.

However, we have the capability to revolutionize this experience, with Allah’s Help. We can become of those who truly understand, whose hearts are captivated and whose limbs are calmly in awe, whose minds are blown away at what we are listening to of the Qur’an. The methods are there and the tools are available. The real question is: Are we willing to make the time and dedicate the effort?

Many of us have tried different methods to wake our hearts up in Ramadan and help them focus on the prayer when we do not understand what is being said. What tips do you have which have worked in your life? Please share them so we all benefit insha’Allah.

In my personal life, as I am sure with many of yours, I have dealt with the worst amount of judgment from some Muslims. As unfortunate as it is, it seems that those who gain bits of knowledge are sometimes those who are the most harsh, critical and downright rude towards others.

Countless times I have been given unwarranted “advice”—which may have been greatly appreciated—had it not been done in the form of public embarrassment, which often included loud voices, finger-pointing and condescending tones. It would have been even more appreciated if it were actually based on fact.

This methodology has made me and many others flee from or feel nervous in some places of worship or community spaces. Sincere or not, individuals who raise their voices and criticize in abrasive ways do nothing more for many Muslims than turn them away from the very thing they claim to call them towards.

Thankfully, God did not appoint individuals such as these to be the final Prophet. Instead, He sent someone who dealt with these exact situations with the utmost mercy and wisdom.

Let us look at just one powerful incident that took place in the lifetime of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him):

A man passed by a group of people and greeted them with Salam, and they returned the greeting. But when he had gone, one of them said, “By God, I hate this man for the sake of God.” The others present said, “What a bad thing to say! By God, we are going to tell him. Get up, O so-and-so (they said to one of the people present) and tell him.”

This person caught up with the man who had passed by and told him what had been said. The man went to the Messenger of God and said, “O Messenger of God, I passed by a group of Muslims among whom was so-and-so and when I had left, one of them caught up with me and told me that so-and-so had said, ‘By God, I hate this man for the sake of God.’ Call him and ask him why he hates me.”

So the Messenger of God ﷺ called the man who stated that he hated the passerby and asked him about what he had said. The man admitted it and said, “I did say that, O Messenger of God.” The Messenger of God asked, “Why do you hate him?”

The man replied, “I am his neighbor and I know him very well. By God, I have never seen him pray any prayer except the prescribed prayer which everyone, good and bad, alike prays.” The man who had been hated on said, “Ask him, O Messenger of God, has he ever seen me delaying any prayer, or not doing wudu [ablutions] properly, or not doing ruko [bowing] and sujood [prostration] properly?” The man who claimed he hated his neighbor responded, “No.” Then the same man continued, “By God, I have never seen him fast at all except this month which everyone, good and bad alike, fasts.”

The one being accused responded, “O Messenger of God, has he ever seen me breaking my fast during [that month] or doing anything to invalidate my fast?” The Messenger of Allah ﷺ asked him and he responded, “No.” The man complaining then said, “By God, I have never seen him giving to any needy person or spending any of his wealth for the sake of God except for this charity [zakah] which everyone, good and bad alike, gives.”

The one being accused responded, “Ask him, O Messenger of God, have I ever withheld any part of the zakah or kept it back from the one who asked for it?” The Messenger of God asked the man making the accusations and he replied, “No.”

After hearing all of this came an incredibly wise response from the Messenger of Mercy.

The Messenger of God said, “I don’t know. Maybe he is better than you.” ((Mentioned in The Prophet’s Methods of Correcting People’s Mistakes by Muhammad Salih Al-Munajjid, hadith located in Musnad Imam Ahmad.))

What a healing narration. This incident is exactly what many of us have dealt with in our lives. Whether or not intended, we have felt hated and unnecessarily judged by someone who, as in the narration, claims our worship, our religious practices, are not up to par.

Yet the Prophet ﷺ taught us here to think critically about judging the worship and actions of others. As he taught us ﷺ, perhaps the person being judged is better than the one making the judgments.

Regardless of whether we have been the one to be hurt or have [unintentionally] hurt another in our fervent desire to spread the truth, here are a few things to keep in mind.

For those feeling judged or being corrected:

1. Remember, we chose to be Muslim because of our connection with God, because of the truth of Islam, because of the validity of the Prophet’s Message ﷺ. Our Islam should never hinge on the bad manners or rude reactions of other Muslims. Our involvement in the community should not desist because of specific individuals. When confronted by someone who hurts us emotionally, but in a religious overtone, remind ourselves not to take it personally or as a reflection of Islam. Move on and hold onto the Islam we chose for the sake of God- not for people.
2. Read the seerah (Prophetic biography). Sometimes experiencing these incidents can be emotionally jarring. Read the life of the Messenger of Mercy ﷺ to find incidents like the above, where someone was accused or hated on for no reason, but the Prophet ﷺ always responded with love and compassion. And he ﷺ, not those individuals, is the human embodiment of our religion. Thus, these incidents should only increase our love for him and our desire to truly emulate him.
3. If we know we are doing something wrong and the person yelling at us is pointing out what we know we are struggling with, make sure we remind ourselves that we are struggling with our own flaws as that person is struggling with their own (one of which may be character, for example). Remind ourselves that all of us have vices and we all need to grow. Outside of an incident, recognize what areas we could personally grow in and work on those consistently, over time. Seek transformation because it is the best thing to do, for the sake of God, and we can all strive to be better people. And do not ever enable your pain to allow you to become the worse person.

We cannot let someone else be the reason we stop seeking self-reformation or being a part of the community. The Houses of God were not built only for the always-obedient angels. They were built for us believers struggling to come back to Him with all of our shortcomings and sins. All of us make mistakes and the Prophet ﷺ himself reminded us:

“Every child of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” ((Tirmithi))

For those giving advice:

1. If we see something that angers us, then remind ourselves that a much worse action would be pushing someone away from Islam.
2. A lot of times, there are differences of opinion in that which we deem impermissible. Sometimes, what we are angry over is something culturally rooted and has no basis in the Qur’an or sunnah (Traditions of the Prophet). Learn from scholars. It is likely that whatever we are frustrated over is simply a difference in valid scholarly opinion.
3. If we feel the need to give advice, follow the Prophetic method:

Mu’awiyah ibn al-Hakam shares, “Whilst I was praying with the Messenger of God ﷺ, a man among the people sneezed and I said: Yarhamuk Allaah (may God have mercy on you). The people glared at me and I said: May my mother be bereft of me! Why are you staring at me? They started striking their hands on their thighs, and when I realized that they were telling me to be quiet, (I felt angry) but I kept quiet. When the Messenger of God ﷺ had prayed – may my father and mother be sacrificed for him; by God I have never seen a better teacher or better teachings before or since; he did not rebuke me, hit me or revile me – he said: “This prayer is not the right place for any of the people’s speech, rather it is tasbeeh (glorifying God), takbeer (declaring His greatness) and recitation of Qur’an.”((Muslim))

The Prophet ﷺ was so merciful in his method of teaching; the man who learned from him ﷺ shared that the Prophet ﷺ did not punish him, did not rebuke him or express displeasure with him. Instead, he ﷺ empowered him by gently teaching him.

This is a prime example of two beautiful Prophetic axioms we should implement when we share advice with others as well. The Prophet ﷺ taught us, “The Most Merciful shows mercy to those who have mercy on others. Show mercy to those on earth, and the One above the heaven will show mercy to you.” ((Bukhari)) 

The Makkan period of revelation of the Qur’an focused especially on the believers’ relationship with God and building their conviction in the Hereafter. It was not until the migration to Madinah that heavy legal rulings fully began being revealed.

So what about us? How can we expect someone just getting into Islam, whether a convert or some returning to their faith or someone culturally raised Muslim to just suddenly know exactly how to be the perfect Muslim- in ‘our’ eyes (as if we have reached that status ourselves!)?

We have to be careful that we do not deem ourselves more pious—God forbid—because of our plethora of worship and ‘good deeds’ and knowledge, only to find ourselves bankrupt when it truly matters:

“The bankrupt of my nation is the one who would come on the Day of Judgment with prayers, fasting, and zakah, but who had offended one person, slandered another, devoured others’ wealth, shed the blood of this person, and beat that person.” ((Muslim))

What would be the point of all our knowledge and worship if we offend someone and isolate another, especially in the name of following the truth?

For those of us truly, fervently seeking to follow Islam in every aspect of our lives, we must ensure we incorporate this pinnacle message of the Qur’an and sunnah especially in our interactions with others:

“And We have not sent you, [O Muhammad], except as a mercy to the worlds.” ((Qur’an 21:107))

Spreading the truth requires following the footsteps of the Messenger ﷺ. He was a Mercy to all the worlds. Let us ask ourselves: When people meet us, what word would they use to describe us? If “merciful” would not cross their minds, perhaps we have a lot more following the Qur’an and sunnah to do.

After two hours of taraweeh and four hours of tahajjud, the Shaykh was crying to Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) in his prostration, pleading with Allah (swt) to forgive him.

This Shaykh would have to stop reciting the Qur’an because he was weeping so much. He would recite verses of the hellfire and you felt that he was witnessing the hellfire; verses of Paradise and it was as if he was in Paradise; he would recite a du`a’(supplication) in the Qur’an and beg with this du`a’ as if he was the only one, amongst thousands of people, making it for his own soul. And then, after losing his voice from hours of recitation and crying, he would go into sujood (prostration), and we could hear him over the microphone weeping, making tawbah (repentance) to Allah (swt).

The following lecture compares three contemporary social issues with the time of the Prophet ﷺ: Gender relations, racism and drinking. The below article delves into more detail with regards to gender relations in particular.

Many of us lament that we’re no longer like the Companions of the Prophet ﷺ; that their times were different, that their circumstances were different, and that we can never be like them. This concept is often invoked when we discuss gender relations with regards to Muslim youth and how ‘astray’ our youth have gone in comparison to that noble generation.

Yet, contrary to perhaps popular knowledge, the homeboys and the homegirls of the Prophet ﷺ also struggled with their desires. They too slipped and made mistakes.  And through their situations, the Prophet ﷺ took the time to coach, train and teach them, helping them transform into the great giants whom we recognize today.

Thus, let us take a look at some of the ways the Prophet ﷺ dealt with the issue of gender interaction in his community so that we can learn lessons applicable today.

Ibn Abbas radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) shares with us, “A beautiful woman, from among the most beautiful of women, used to pray behind the Prophet ﷺ. Some of the people used to go to pray in the first row to ensure they would not be able to see her. Others would pray in the last row of the men, and they would look from underneath their armpits to see her. Because of this act, in regard to her, Allah revealed, “Verily We know the eager among you to be first, and verily We know the eager among you to be behind,” (Qur’an 15:24). ((ibn Majah, Abu Dawud, Tayalisi, Baihaqi, Ahmad, Tirmidhi, and Nasai. Authenticated by Albaani (#3472 in his Silsilat al-ahadith al-sahih).))

From this narration, we learn that the young men who lived in the very city and attended the very masjid of the Prophet of God ﷺ slipped and checked a girl out. And yet what did the Prophet ﷺ do about it?

Did he create a wall between the men and women’s sections? Nope. Did he prohibit women from going to the mosque, lest they tempt the men who attend? Never. In fact, he ﷺ did the exact opposite and commanded that women not be stopped from going to the House of God. ((Narrations can be found in Sahih Muslim, amongst other places.))

What he did do was allow men and women to continue to be a part of the same society, working together as a community, existing cohesively. At the same time, he ﷺ helped train his community to keep their desires in check.

The below are a few incidents in which we learn how he did so:

1- Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas (ra): “Al-Fadl bin Abbas rode behind God’s Messenger ﷺ as his companion rider on the back portion of his she-camel on the day of Nahr (slaughtering of sacrifice, 10th Dhul-Hijja) and Al-Fadl was a handsome man. The Prophet ﷺ stopped to give the people verdicts (regarding their matters). In the meantime, a beautiful woman from the tribe of Khatham came, asking the verdict of God’s Messenger. Al-Fadl started looking at her as her beauty attracted him. The Prophet ﷺ looked behind while Al-Fadl was looking at her; so the Prophet ﷺ held out his hand backwards and caught the chin of Al-Fadl and turned his face (to the other side) in order that he should not gaze at her….” ((Bukhari))

Look at how the Prophet ﷺ trains Al-Fadl to be a responsible young man. He does not slam him for not keeping his desires in check. And even more importantly, he does not utter words that would make Al-Fadl believe that the source of the problem was the existence of the woman and that Al-Fadl had no responsibility in checking her out. On the contrary, he gently turns Al-Fadl’s face away, teaching him that he is the one who needs to be responsible for his actions.

And let’s look at the Prophet ﷺ teaches the rest of this ummah (community) how to interact with women.

The Prophet ﷺ does not curse the woman for being “a fitna (trial).” He does not accuse the woman of enticing Al-Fadl. He does not shun her. Instead, he facilitated for her to be able to ask a question without being checked out.

We also don’t notice her being reprimanded by the Prophet to cover her face while nearing the Prophet ﷺ or other men who are not related to her. We do not hear this narration stating that she was advised to speak behind a curtain in the future lest her beauty become a temptation for men who could not control themselves.

In fact, it was quite the opposite. The Prophet ﷺ caught Al-Fadl staring and so he gently pushed Al-Fadl’s gaze away from the woman. The Prophet ﷺ taught Al-Fadl to control his own self. He put the onus of responsibility on Al-Fadl in this incident instead of scolding the woman who caught his gaze.

Al-Fadl did not protest the Prophet’s action of turning his face; Al-Fadl did not respond with, “But dear Prophet, she is the one who is a fitna (temptation)!” or, “Prophet of God! Command her to cover herself and hide so that she never makes another man’s eyes look at her again!”

In our own communities, women are often blamed for the downfall of men. Women blame other women for dressing inappropriately, wearing too much makeup, or acting flirtatiously with men. Men blame women for the same things! The blame always ends up being on women. We end up holding the brunt of the baggage of the gender relationship.

But what about what the Prophet ﷺ taught us? Yes, we have certain dress codes and guidelines of interactions to which men and women should both adhere, but it does not stop there. This woman was beautiful (may Allah be pleased with her) and yet the Prophet ﷺ didn’t condemn her beauty or stop her from speaking with him ﷺ and asking her question. So what about our communities today?! Let us move beyond placing the blame on women. Let us actually follow the Prophetic way in which each individual takes responsibility for his or her own actions without unnecessarily blaming others for simply existing.

2- In another example, another male companion went further than simply checking out a woman. He actually kissed her! The following narration gives us insight as to how God addressed his sorrowful admittance, seeking forgiveness and guidance from the Prophet ﷺ, “A man kissed a woman. So he came to the Messenger of God and informed him about it. Then God revealed this verse, ‘And perform the prayers, between the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds efface the evil deeds,’ (11:114). The man asked the Messenger of God ﷺ if the revelation of this verse applied only to his situation. The Messenger of God responded, ‘It applies to all my ummah.’” ((Bukhari))

What can we take from this incident? This incident teaches us that the way that God, our Creator, our Loving Sustainer, taught us to deal with slipping into sin is through connecting back with Him immediately. He sent a verse to teach us all that if any one of us messes up, we should go back to Him and maintain our daily prayers. The daily prayers “prohibit immorality and wrongdoing,”  ((Qur’an 29:45)) and having that connection will also be a means of our continual forgiveness. ((“The five daily prayers and Jumu’ah to Jumu’ah is an expiation of the sins committed between those times so long as one is not guilty of major sins.” [Bukhari]))

Now, this is not to suggest that those who are involved in inappropriate relationships should simply pray immediately after getting physical and then return to that action. This companion clearly came to the Prophet with regret and with resolve, seeking a solution when admitting his fault to the Prophet ﷺ . However, what we can take is that even the greatest of the great slip and succumb to natural human desire. But when we make the same mistake that one of them did, we should do what they did to seek change: We should regret it, immediately take to seeking God’s forgiveness, and make the resolve not to slip into it again. And if we do slip? Start the cycle of asking for forgiveness over.

3- But what about someone who wants to go all the way? How did the Prophet ﷺ help prevent a man who seriously wanted to do it? Once a young man came to the Prophet ﷺ requesting from the Prophet to grant this man permission to have sex outside of marriage. The people were shocked and were trying to silence his question. The Prophet ﷺ asked him a series of questions. “Would you like it for your mom?” He ﷺ continued to ask if this man would like it for his daughter, sister or other female relatives. The man continually responded in the negative, intellectually convinced by the logical argument of the Prophet ﷺ. Finally, the Prophet placed his blessed hand on the man and prayed to God, “Dear God! May you forgive his sins, purify his heart and make him chaste.” And it is narrated that this man never got involved in what he was requesting after this experience with the Prophet. ((Al Hakim))

This man was intellectually and spiritually blessed by the logic of, connection to, and prayer from the Prophet ﷺ. We need to learn to be like the Prophet ﷺ when it comes to dealing with issues of sex. I know of young Muslim women who are afraid of getting married simply because their parents have made sex such a taboo topic that they have an intense fear of having to deal with sexual intimacy in marriage. I have also known of young men and women who really wanted to get married, whose parents refused to let them marry really awesome people who came to ask for their hand simply because of their race, and who eventually could no longer handle it and had sex outside of marriage.

As parents, we need to consider the approach of the Prophet ﷺ when it comes to discussing sex and sexual desires. The Prophet ﷺ openly addressed this man’s concerns about sex in a public setting. He didn’t make this topic an untouchable taboo. How much more of a right do your own children have for you to have open conversations with them in the privacy of your own home? However, don’t make it all awkward for your kids. Develop an open relationship with them before they’re old enough to have these conversations so that you don’t come off really weird and make them uncomfortable. If open communication is a natural dynamic in your family, such conversations will also occur organically, God willing.

Furthermore, as community leaders, we need to have open dialog with our members about these issues. If the family structure of our congregants doesn’t provide the security and openness needed to understand sex and related issues, we should have strong relationships with our communities so that we can help be a resource and means of guidance.

3. Additionally, during the time of the Prophet ﷺ, just like today, even his married companions had sex outside of marriage. Committing adultery is a serious issue, especially as it involves emotionally hurting one’s family. But in the incidents described, the Prophet was not quick to punish. He turned a woman away who came to him—asking for him to punish her so that she would be purified—continuously and consistently. He gave her so many opportunities to never come back to him and never receive any type of physical consequence, to simply live in repentance. But she, like others, came back over and over again until he finally established the consequence. ((Narrations of this can be found in Sahih Muslim.))

The point in mentioning this is simply that this existed during the time of the Prophet ﷺ with the world’s greatest generation. They slipped just as we do, yet they were man or woman enough to beg God for forgiveness and recognize they had made a mistake. And even with some members in his community making a mistake and going all the way outside of marriage, the Prophet ﷺ did not ban men and women from working together and interacting with one another. Instead, he taught the men and women in his community to work together, professionally and respectfully, but with the warmth of true brotherhood and sisterhood.

Most of the examples I have chosen with regards to gender-relation scenarios explicitly mentioned men as those who acted upon or wanted to act upon their desires, but the same applies to women! Ladies are often put under the bus when it comes to talking about women’s sexual needs and desires, minimizing the reality that many women do in fact have strong sexual urges and fight themselves not to act upon them. Men and women alike can take from the lessons we’ve discussed from the lives of those living in the society of the Prophet ﷺ and actualize the concepts of self-responsibility, continual connection with God and intellectual and spiritual strength to overcome desires or repent and turn to Him continuously when falling.

Many in our communities today suffer from a lack of understanding gender relations. Women are sometimes not even allowed into the masjid because of the fear that their presence could somehow cause craziness. Women are often blamed as the ultimate cause of men being led astray in regards to gender issues. In my personal experience, men are rarely reminded that they must uphold their end of the gender relations’ bargain as well, other than by ignoring women’s existence or ensuring that women are behind the mosque’ wall and far from being a fitna for men’s lives. And in my perspective, this lack of understanding of the Prophetic method in training his community—which is quite different from completely segregating his community—is also one of the reasons many in the West are dealing with a real marriage crisis. (These are all huge issues stuffed into one paragraph; I feel their mention is essential when discussing gender relations, but they will individually be addressed in future articles, God willing).

A few general suggestions on how to deal with gender issues in our communities: ((As inspired by my beloved friend, Sana Iqbal.))

1. For Oneself: Understand that we are individually responsible for ourselves, our dress and our actions. Both men and women have specific interaction and dress guidelines and each should try their best to adhere to those instructions. However, a person’s struggle with not maintaining those guidelines (either actions or dress) is NEVER a reason for someone else to put the blame on them. If you are attracted to someone, regardless of how they are dressed or undressed, it is your individual responsibility, as a male or female, to respectfully avert your gaze from checking that person out without blaming them for being distracting. Your actions are always on you; if you slip, keep the blame to yourself.
2. For Men: Use your male privilege to create spaces which accommodate women to flourish into dynamic, knowledge-seeking, dawah-giving, masjid-attending Muslim women. Women’s existence is not the problem. If you can’t deal with women respectfully and professionally, don’t blame them for existing. Challenge yourself to follow the Prophetic method of training: Hold yourself fully accountable for your own actions, just as the companion who stared, or who kissed, or who wanted to go all the way or who actually did, and understand that women are your “partners” ((From the Prophet’s last sermon: “Do treat your women well and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers.” [Bukhari])) as you are theirs.
3. For Women: Societies in general put the blame on us. Because of this, we have to bear the burden of responsibility, as women, to demand spaces be created for us to seek and spread knowledge and become involved in community growth. Never allow for someone’s mental or verbal harassing of you for existing to be the reason you stop attending the masjid or seeking knowledge. We NEED women who are willing to be strong enough to deal with the drama we constantly have to face to help create space for women so that, God willing, and with the support of our male partners, we will begin to see a shift of return to the Prophetic society of respectful empowerment.
4. For Young People: We know most of your hormones are raging and that you often do not have a place to deal with the realities of your mistakes and your desires. Finding a balance, especially without the ability to speak openly with your parents about it is difficult. Find mentors in your community who you can speak to and seek support from. And if you’ve slipped a bunch of times, know that Allah is always ready for you to come back and be near Him!
5. For Parents and Community Leaders: We need you to nurture our young people. Open conversations and tangible examples of successful gender interactions and respecting, honoring and empowering women- and guiding men to know how to empower themselves by both taking personal responsibility and supporting the empowerment of women- are needed for the successful transition of your generation’s leadership to theirs.
6. For Everyone: We all make mistakes—even the Companions did! Take the time to turn every mistake into an opportunity to return back to our Creator! He is always ready for us.

The companions, were not born as gender-relation ballers. They converted to Islam with baggage and carried it into their Muslim lives.

Through their efforts, they struggled to actualize a crown Qur’anic axiom describing gender interactions, and it is the very one we must continue to work towards despite our confusion, our cultural (mis)understandings and our struggles:

“The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey God and His Messenger. Those  – God will have mercy upon them. Indeed, God is Exalted in Might and Wise.” ((Qur’an 9:71))

10 Considerations when Searching for the One 

“I’m afraid of getting married,” she told me. She, like the countless other women who had approached me, confessed what she thought was unique to her. “I’m constantly told by older married women that I should enjoy my life being single because marriage is a burden. I’ve never seen an example of a happy marriage. My married friends call me to complain about their husbands and ask me for advice. How am I supposed to know what to tell them?! I try to provide support, but all those conversations do is make me feel even more insecure about committing to someone in a marital relationship. I truly want to get married, but I’m honestly afraid of being unhappy.”

“Is it possible…” she trailed, her voice cracking, “Do happy marriages… you know, the ones in the movies where they can’t wait to be with each other, where they’re madly in love with each other…do they exist? Is hot, passionate, love even real?”

The amalgamation of her questions were the same which young women have consistently approached me with; their innate desires to get married often overshadowed by the fear of an unavoidable matrimony of suffering. Having little to no examples of passionate marriages in real life and being inundated with romantic love stories such as “The Notebook,” these young women have continuously posed the same questions, “Is it possible to be happy in a marriage? Is that physical, emotional passion, real?”

The answer? Yes! Yes, it is possible. Yes! It is real. While it may be problematic to compare a real-life relationship to the fake ones portrayed in a few hours of a movie, your marriage still can make Ryan Gosling’s and Rachel McAdam’s characters jealous of your fiery, playful, emotionally intriguing, physically flaming relationship.

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Noha Alshugairi ((Noha Alshugairi is also my mom in law.)) , provides wisdom based on research describing the ingredients required for such a relationship. She shares, “Psychologist Robert Sternberg describes 7 forms of love depending on how much passion, intimacy, and commitment the relationship contains. He describes the one that has all 3 factors as consummate love. This is the love that will withstand the test of time and will bring a couple the sakina (tranquil) marriage Allah describes in Surat ar-Rume.”

So, if it does exist, how can a single person seeking such love attain it in their future marital life? The beginning of the answer lies in helping ensure one marries the right spouse.

The following are 10 considerations one could make through this process:

1. Know yourself.
   • Knowing your priorities, your general life perspective, your own expectations in marriage, will help inform what you should be looking for in a potential spouse. Ask yourself: why do I want to get married? What are my needs in a relationship? What do I expect out of marriage?
   • Also, understand that marriage is not the solution to your own deficiencies, nor will it be the solution to all your life problems. Work to develop your own self without expecting marriage to somehow mystically change your life. Marriage can be a great source of support and encouragement for self-improvement, but if we are not personally working on ourselves now, how can we expect that it will be easier with the additional baggage of another individual who is also imperfect?

2. Prioritize your criterion.
   • Create a list of core and extra qualities you need in a spouse. Also, understand what you absolutely cannot accept. As advised by Noha Alshugairi, “Really focus on core criteria that will make or break a marriage. If you are not sure about the difference between core and extra criteria, talk to people who are married or to professionals.”
   • Know that some criteria are much more important for the success of a marriage than others and be reasonable when considering a potential. If the individual you are considering has everything you want except for the absolute most important item on your core list, then this person likely is not the one for you. Recognize that your list may change as you evolve as an individual. Keep a written copy so that you can consult your list over time and take note of those changes.

3.  “Engage your mind before your heart.”
   • A phrase coined by Noha Alshugairi, this step aims to help one focus on finding the right person for a lifetime. In the thrill of considering a spouse, many people become blind to discernable signals that would have otherwise been obvious. Emotions have their place; but do not allow your emotions to control your decision. Use your mind to consider whether this person is logically the right choice for the rest of your life, while consulting your heart to make sure it is comfortable with your decisions. Making sure everything checks out is much more difficult to do when one is blinded by emotion; don’t get caught up in the excitement, only to crash once you get married and realize the person you live with is not the one you should be with.

4. Understand that taqwa (God consciousness) is not enough, and compatibility is a requirement.
   • Let’s consider this idea: if a God-conscious person takes a class in college, yet they do not do any of the coursework or they do not do well on their exams, will they miraculously get a good grade in the class simply because they pray five times a day? Unlikely. Then how much more true is this in a marriage!
   • Taqwa alone is not enough; the prospect needs to be compatible as well. The marriage of Zayd and Zaynab, both incredible companions of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be up on him) who surpassed us all in their piety and good character, is an example of two great people who divorced simply due to their incompatibility. Thus deliberate: are we both considering expectations in similar ways? Religiously, are we aligned in our perspectives and goals? Is this person really good for my growth as an individual? For my mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health and security? Will they be a parent? Do we share similar interests and perspectives? Will they be good for my family?

5. Recognize the importance of pre-marital counseling with a qualified marriage and family therapist and ask questions.
   • Speak to a professional therapist; not an Imam (unless they’re professionally qualified). Not a friend, unless they’re a marriage counselor. Someone who is trained, experienced, and who knows how to help you identify important issues and develop strategies to help you both ensure you’re marrying the right person for you and that you’ll, God willing, continue to feel that thrill with years after you’ve tied the knot.
   • Ask questions which will help you understand the Potential’s perspective on life and marriage. 150 sample questions may be found in Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine’s book: Before the Wedding.

6. Prepare for your lifetime; not just a one time event.
   • Oftentimes, both parties focus completely on preparing for the wedding, pouring money and time into a few hours of the start of their lives together, without investing on preparing for their lifetime together. Pre-marital counseling, speaking with married couples, reading books and researching what makes marriages thrive are avenues few new couples have engaged.
   • Read books on the communication styles of men and women, on love languages, on successful marriages and fulfilling the needs of one another. Readings recommended by Noha Alshugairi:
     • The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
     • Marital Myths Revisited by Arnold Lazarus
     • Things I Wish I knew Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman
     • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

7. Observe the Potential and keep things on the down low.
   • Observe them, consider their reactions when they’re frustrated or embarrassed; it is likely that their unconscious reactions will be the habits they’ve instilled. If there is something you do not like, never expect that it will be something that they will change. They may initially, if they like you enough to want you to marry them. However, be very cautious as this type of change can be fleeting, and when reality kicks in after the marriage, it would have been a red flag you should have taken seriously.
   • If you’re considering someone for marriage, do not share it with the world. Don’t post it on Facebook and tell random people in casual conversations. Keep your affairs private, with the exception of those who matter through this process. Protect yourself and the person you’re considering from simply being something to talk about. This is serious business; appreciate and respect one another’s privacy.

8. Consider the roles of your parents, and own your decision.
   • Parents play different roles often based on their background and this can impede a marriage or help it succeed. Consider your parents’ roles in your courtship process and also openly discuss their roles in the life of you and your future spouse. Will you live together? Will you be expected to choose between the preferences of your parents or in-laws versus the preferences of your spouse? Where do you and your future spouse’s priorities lie in relationship to parents? Answers to these questions may help you decide whether a Prospect is worth considering.
   • Remember: You are the one living with this decision for the rest of your life. Make sure it is you who is completely certain of this being the right choice; pressure from parents or any others can lead to a life of misery. Own your decision for your own self, regardless of how difficult it may be to deal with the way others react.
9. Discuss expectations.
   • With the instability of the economy and the ever-changing roles of men and women’s educational and career pursuits, the once “obvious” division of responsibilities requires clarifications. What responsibilities are specific to the husband, to the wife, and to both as a team? Who will work, or will both? How do you consider raising kids? For how many years will one/both support the other in their educational or career pursuits? Who is responsible for what types of housework? A clear discussion of these issues may help ease tensions that can arise when there were unstated expectations one or both parties had entering the relationship.
10. Pray istikhara (prayer seeking guidance).
    • Consult God about your decision. You may not see any obvious signs of why this is or is not the right person, but you may feel it in your heart. Beyond the jittery feelings of excitement or nervousness, your heart may speak to you about its level of trust and comfort in this matter.
    • Someone I know continually felt that the person she was engaged to marry was the wrong guy. She spoke to her parents multiple times, but each time they dismissed her concerns and convinced her he had everything she was looking for. She could not pinpoint why she felt something was wrong and continued with the marriage. She tried to convince herself that her parents were right and she did not have a solid reason to say no, despite the fact that she did not feel good about it. Within one year, she realized the “pious” and “good-character” man everyone thought she was marrying was a front for who he really turned out to be. Her marriage ended in divorce and her parents felt guilty about taking her pre-marriage concerns so lightly. Her heart had spoken to her after making istikhara, but she had continually ignored its messages because of the pressure she felt from others. Listen to your heart and trust your intuition.

————–

Finally, love and passion is only one aspect of marriage. And it is not necessarily an obligatory component for a happy marriage. Many couples do not have a “passionate” relationship and they are more than happy and successful in their marriages.

Additionally, it is possible, that even when a person carefully engages in the entire process of choosing a spouse, with wisdom, depth and research, they may not find themselves happy in their marriage or they may eventually divorce.

Choosing the right person and putting in researched effort aids significantly in preparing to maintain a zesty, romantic, compassionate relationship, if that is what both are looking for, but it is only one step amongst many steps in the right direction.

Thus, discuss your own ideal vision for marriage honestly with the Potential and figure out what steps it will take to help you both get there.

The vigor may be powerful in the beginning of a happy marriage, but it has the potential to become an even stronger, indescribable force of awesomeness with the blessing of God and work from both spouses. Passionate and sustainable love in marriage can be real for many. But it takes work, growth and sacrifice from the very beginning and through end.

Question:

I want to pray the five daily prayers on time, but I have trouble doing them on time and regularly. How can I get into it?

Answer:

Dear Questioner,

The fact that you even care about your prayers is an incredible sign of God’s love for you and His desire to keep you close to Him! How many Muslims do you know personally who have not prayed in years and who have no desire to do so? God has honored you by placing in your heart the desire to fulfill this part of your relationship with Him. The question is: will you accept being chosen and show Him that you really care?

Praying the five daily prayers on time, everyday, is a good habit that just needs to be built. You’ve been building habits since you were a child and this is just another habit you need to develop and strengthen.

How do I know you’ve been habit building? Without knowing you, I’m going to give you a simple example.

Consider the call of hunger. When you were an infant and you were hungry, you’d likely call out for someone to quell the pain of your hunger. Someone in your life most likely came to help you take care of this need; they fed and nourished you, and your body, in turn, responded and began to grow.

As you developed and learned how to eat for yourself, you most likely recognized the call to hunger and developed a habitual response (i.e. eating). The type and proportions of food you ate began to impact your body; the healthy foods for your body helped nourish you and strengthened your physical and mental development.

The overindulgence of food or consistent consumption of unhealthy and junky foods likely began to deteriorate your body. Eventually, your time will pass and your soul will depart. Your body will no longer feel the need for, nor be able to respond to, the call of hunger.

The habit of eating when feeling hungry is one you developed; even if it was time consuming, you realized it was something you had to do to survive.

Let’s now consider salah (prayer). Everyday, five times a day, your body, your heart and your soul, are begging you to respond to the call to prayer. For those who choose to respond to the call to prayer, you satiate your body, heart, and soul. However, just as with food, this satiation comes in different ways. Those who come to prayer with presence of heart and mind, with focus and desire to nourish and cleanse themselves spiritually, often begin to see the positive impact of their prayers on the rest of their lives.

Some others may answer the call to prayer more neglectfully, perhaps offering them on time or late, all of them or just some of them, but rushing through them mindlessly or negligently. These individuals are still nobly choosing to answer the call, yet like the junk food that can cause a body to be sick and stunt its healthy development and maintenance, this type of prayer could stunt a person’s spiritual growth, perhaps making them weak against succumbing to desires or fighting diseases of the heart and soul.

Finally, just as a dead body does not experience hunger, a spiritually dead person does not feel the need or have interest in responding to the call of prayer. The difference, however, is that while the dead body no longer has a chance to experience revitalization through food, the spiritually dead heart can be revived through prayer.

Prayer alone is not the key to a completely sound spiritual state or understanding, just as food alone is not the only component to maintain a healthy body. However, through developing a focused, centered, and meaningful habit of maintaining the five daily prayers, a person will, God willing, experience incredible benefits in this life and undoubtedly the next.

So, once we’ve recognized that salah is a healthy survival habit which one has the capability to work on maintaining throughout one’s life, the question then becomes: How?

Here are a few suggestions to perhaps get you started. Two are geared to convince and encourage your mind and heart to pray while three are specific tasks to help you begin and maintain the action of prayer.

1. Recognize the benefits.

Simply consider the following as a start: “The five obligatory daily prayers, the Friday prayer followed by another Friday prayer, Ramadan followed by another Ramadan, expiate sins committed in between them as long as major sins are avoided,” (Muslim).

And, “The first thing the people will be accountable for on the Day of Judgment is prayer. Allah will say to His angels (even though He already knows), “Look at my servant’s prayers. Were they complete or not?” If they were complete, it will be written as complete. If they were not fully complete Allah will say, “See if my servant has voluntary prayers.” If he has them, Allah will say, “Complete his obligatory prayers shortage with his voluntary prayers.” Then the rest of his deeds will be dealt with in the same manner,” (Ahmad).

2. Understand prayer as an investment and a refuge:

Make a list of everything God has given you for which you should be grateful. Also make a list of all the hardships you or loved ones are currently facing. Then, for each of the five daily prayers, take one item off one of those lists and take it to salah.

For an item of gratitude, allow yourself to understand that each and every prayer is an investment in what and whom you love in life being maintained and increased. As He tells us, “…If you are grateful, I will surely increase you…” (Qur’an 14:7).

For an item of difficulty from your list, allow the heaviness of your heart and soul to pour out in every word you utter in prayer. Permit your tears of anger and anguish to release in prostration. Be certain that through this action God will undoubtedly respond to your distress. As He confirms, “Is He [not best] who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil…” (Qur’an, 27:62).

3. Make a chart to keep track of prayers and set daily and weekly goals.

Compensate yourself based on your performance. The below is an example:

Week 1: Daily Goal—Pray two prayers on time. If mess up, make up the prayer as soon as I can. Reward if meet my goal by end of the day = favorite chocolate bar. Punishment if do not reach goal = clean roommate’s bathroom. Reward if met goal everyday of the week: Movie night with best friend. Punishment if not met by end of the week: No Facebook all weekend.

Week 2: Daily Goal—Pray three prayers on time…

Continue until you’re habitually praying your five a day, on time.

4. Tag-Team and use technology:

Building a habit often needs support. Find someone who you can text or who will text you to check in for prayers. Consider also using current technology via an app on your phone to remind you of your prayers (if you’ve used an app successfully, please share recommendations!).

5. Keep going.

There may be times where you feel spiritual exhilaration through prayer; your heart may feel like it’s flying, your eyes may tear up because of a closeness you experience with your Creator. Then there may be times where you feel absolutely nothing; this can make you feel like you’re doing something horribly wrong or that it’s not worth continuing because it doesn’t make you feel any different.

However, be careful not to get addicted to the “feeling” by choosing only to continue praying as long as it “feels” good and despairing in Allah and leaving prayer once you no longer “feel” it.  Praying is an obligation. Remember that you are doing this action to the best of your ability for the sake of God, not just because it makes you feel good.

While going through this journey, remember that even overindulging in healthy foods can hurt your body. In the same way, taking prayer, or any aspect of religion, to an extreme can hurt your spiritual state. Praying is not always easy. God Almighty Himself tells us, “And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive. [The humbly submissive are those] Who are certain that they will meet their Lord and that they will return to Him,” (Qur’an, 2:45-46).

When the going gets tough with your prayers, always remember that God has been, is, and always will be there for you:

“I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.”

Take that step through maintaining your five daily prayers with sincerity, focus and presence of heart. God willing, as you take a few steps, you’ll find Allah already waiting for you.

Lookout for Part 2 – “How can I  ‘feel’ my prayer?”

Updated Version | Originally Posted November 2011

The Qur’an Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

Many of us have an addictive relationship with Facebook. We check our accounts compulsively, multiple times a day. It is sometimes the last thing many of us do before we sleep and the first thing we do when we wake up; time flies when we’re on it, and it can become obsessive.

Yet how many of us have an addictive relationship—have any relationship—with the Qur’an? This is the Book that transformed alcoholic, oppressive, baby-girl-burying people into callers for justice, defenders of the oppressed, soft-hearted, humble worshippers of the Lord of All the Worlds. If what is contained in this Book brought eternal peace to the hearts and freedom to the souls who were chained to the whims of their own desires, it undoubtedly can emancipate us from our own problems, heartaches and stresses. However, its ability to powerfully impact us may go a lifetime unrealized if we continue to decide that other relationships are more important.

Some of us want to establish a relationship with the Qur’an, but may find it… boring, difficult to understand, or simply not fast enough. We’re used to status updates, pictures and vivid virtual conversations. We prefer fun captions and vivacious images. We prefer real people, an interchange of words and tangible friendships—or at least, Facebook friendships. A lot of us don’t even really know the people we add as friends.

In reality, what we prefer is what the Qur`an already offers and more; it’s just up to us to experience the paradigm shift, with God’s help. Here are a few ways we can tangibly work to establish our relationships with the Qur’an and in doing so, elevate ourselves in this life and in the Next, by the will of God.

From Facebook to God’s Book

What is it about Facebook or other forms of social or popular media that makes us come back, over and over, sometimes multiple times a day—at a minimum? Is it the novelty of reading ever-changing statuses or finding new pictures? Is it feeling appreciated when others comment on our posts? Is it the fun of having instantaneous connections? Is it just boredom? Whatever it is, identify why we keep going back. Then, tweak our reasons for that connection and apply it to the Qur’an.

When we read stories about Noah, Moses, Jesus, Mary, Lot (upon all of whom be peace) — when we read about their struggles or the people who they called to the worship of God, recognize those as the Qur’an’s updates. The conversations that God quotes in the Qur’an, the arguments of the people to their Messengers, those are all comments to posts in the Qur’an’s feed.

Mary (peace be upon her) says something, then God Almighty responds. Jesus (peace be upon him) tells his disciples something and they all start liking and commenting his post. Moses (peace be upon him) posts on Pharaoh’s wall; Pharaoh responds and tags his henchman and is finally completely deleted from Facebook—and the world—in its entirety. God’s Book is more intense, exciting and novel than anything on Facebook. We just need to add it and tag it as our Best Friend.

Sometimes we find Facebook addicting because of our ability to interact with our friends. So let’s find the Qur`an addicting because of our ability to interact with God. When we read God’s Book and we want to like something, say Alhamdulilah (all praise is to God)! We’ll get rewards and be increased in what’s good (Qur`an 14:7).  When we personally want to respond to a status, put up our hands and make du`a’ (supplication)! Now, our comment allows for us to directly strengthen our connection with the One Who can hook it all up for us, Who can hear us and will answer us! When we read the descriptions of Paradise and Hell, know that Allah Most High is uploading images for us to focus on and be impacted by; when we’re captivated or horrified by the image, comment through our actions! Do the actions which will include us amongst the ballers in Paradise and keep you from being in the excruciating fire. That type of commenting will bring everlasting results in this life and the Next and, God willing, Allah subahanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) will tag us as His homies in this life and the Hereafter.

Make the Qur`an Our Best Friend

Oftentimes, when we’re sad or lonely, when we’re bursting with joy or excitement, when we’re apathetic or just need some down time, we post it. We let everyone know how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, something that went down in our day or what we wished didn’t go down. We often treat Facebook as a best friend; checking it and reconnecting frequently. Here’s our opportunity to start shifting that connection; let’s start calling Allah’s Book our BEST FRIEND. With ourselves, let’s start using the term, “Best Friend,” for the Qur’an.

If we have a human best friend, think about the way we run to answer their call when we know they’re about to tell us the outcome of a life-changing decision. Think about the way we laugh at inside jokes we post on each other’s walls and comment on a million times over to the annoyance of all our other ‘friends’ whose feeds are overtaken by our conversations. Think about the way that we dial their numbers before anyone else’s, knowing almost with certainty that they will pick up the phone and be there for our comfort.

Now, apply that same understanding of our best friend relationship to the Qur’an. If we take the Qur’an as our Best Friend, we’ll run to it when we see it near, knowing it’s calling us, ready to listen to whatever it wants to share for our own benefit, guidance and happiness. When we’re distraught, feeling lonely or at loss, we’ll go to your Best Friend, hold it to our hearts, open it and begin reading it, reciting from it, reveling in its mind-blowing empathy, its heart-warming sympathy, it’s perfection of wisdom which relates directly to our situations. When we’re excited beyond measure; ready to jump through the roof because we finally got into that school, got that job, regained our health, going to get married to that dream person or had the blessing of a child, we’re going to pick it up and shed tears of joy or words of elation with it, knowing that in reality, we’re going back to the One Who gave us all that we’re excited about in the first place.

Like our best friends, we’ll understand the Qur’an’s inside scoop, its special messages and the guidance it shares with us because we have a special connection that no one else can gauge. Making the Qur’an our best friend begins with a paradigm shift; this is not simply a Holy Book; it’s the pinnacle of our life, it’s our first supporter, our constant companion, our guide, the keeper of our secrets—it’s our Best Friend.

Building Our Relationship

Let’s think about people we’re friends with on Facebook; would we really know about all that’s going on in their lives if they didn’t choose to share pictures of their meals, their vacations, or post about their daily struggles and conversations? Would we really be able to keep up with that many people, some very close friends and some whom we may have met less than a handful of times, if we weren’t in constant connection with them through social media- even if we weren’t actually personally connecting?

But let’s also consider our true best friends. The depth of our friendships likely didn’t happen overnight; we become continuously attached to the person we’ve already connected with because of our consistent ability to reconnect and re-align.

Then what about the Qur’an? How can we expect to know our Creator if we do not even open the social media through which He reveals Himself to us? If we’re willing to read through the posts of people we sometimes barely know, then what about reading through the posts of the One Who created us and all of those people? How can we develop a relationship if we are not willing to consistently converse with the One Who gave us the ability to speak (or sign) at all? How can we expect a depth of friendship to simply just happen with our loving Creator if we are not the ones taking any steps towards embellishing our relationship?

Yet despite the sometimes little attention we give it, the Qur’an’s feed is always beasting, waiting to be our closest homie! Why? Because when we establish a relationship with the Qur’an, we are, in reality, establishing a relationship with the One Who created us and knows us best. He tells us, “I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed,” (Hadith Qudsi, Bukhari). When we think about God, when we make an effort to draw nearer to Him, He comes to us with speed. Therefore, let us run to Him through our relationship with the Qur’an!

Here is how we can start: We can set a certain amount of Qur’an that we must read, regardless of the circumstances, every day. Make sure this amount is in a language that we understand. If we can read Arabic and understand some of it, then read the Arabic but also read a translation. God revealed the Qur’an in the language of the Arabs for them to understand it so that they can live by and be transformed by it. Thus, let us read it in a language that will impact our lives, and let us do so daily. From 1 pages to 20, do whatever amount we can do consistently and stick with it because the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) taught us that the best actions are those that are small, but consistent (Bukhari). Reading the Qur’an daily, year-round, is better than reading a ton only in Ramadan and then disregarding it. How can a relationship flourish to its fullest if it is only maintained once a year?

Facebook can be a great networking tool, but if used obsessively, we can become addicted to a media which often brings minute tangible benefits to our lives. Allah’s Book is an incredible networking tool which will connect us to the Creator of the Universe, the One through Whom we can gain tangible benefit in this life and the eternal hereafter. Let’s go to Allah’s Book—to our Best Friend—to the Qur`an—because the best “like” is when Allah (swt) likes your life.

“… Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him – those are the party of Allah . Unquestionably, the party of Allah – they are the successful.” (Qur`an 58:22)

Interested in memorizing the Qur’an? Read

For tips on reviewing what you’ve memorized of the Qur’an, Read

For suggestions on how to develop a relationship with the Qur’an for non-Arabic speakers, Read

After greeting them both, I noticed her asking if the women may be interested in a bag. One of the two women accepted it eagerly, excitedly pulling out one item after another. “A toothbrush!” she exclaimed with such delight. I realized these women might be amongst the very poor who traveled to Makkah with nothing more than the clothes on their backs.

As I watched the young girl and the two women, I saw the elderly woman pull out a small box with the widest grin on her face. As she held the box and fumbled to open it, she exclaimed with pure joy, “A mushaf (copy of the Qur’an)!”

The girl was taken aback. “No…no,” she stammered to correct the elderly woman. “It’s just a small box with things for…” The woman could not hear the girl beyond her enthrallment as she continued to try to get it open. She kept exclaiming her joy for the mushaf while the other elderly woman across from her grinned. Finally, she got the box opened and stared at it blankly. The girl sadly repeated what she had been trying to share, what she now knew the elder woman had unfortunately discovered. The girl mumbled with embarrassment, “It’s not a mushaf…it’s a sewing kit.”

The elder woman looked up from the box and peered into the girl’s face. The woman’s excitement re-appeared in her eyes, her smile lighting up her face full of soft wrinkles. She exuded with passion, “Please, give me a mushaf. Please, get a mushaf for me!”

Watching this, I was absolutely floored. This was a woman whose face, body and clothing were marked with signs of age, difficulty and poverty. And while many may not have looked twice at her because of her appearance, because of her sincere love and excitement for the Qur’an, she may have had a greater station with Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) than all the rest of us combined.

Many of us consider great individuals in our communities to be those whose names are celebrated; some of us judge a person’s worth by the number of subscribers, comments or likes on their Facebook. Some of us consider those with hoards of followers on Twitter as those who are superior. Some of us look to Imams (religious leaders), scholars or pious individuals in our mosques as those who have a special place with Allah. But the reality is that we have no idea whom amongst us are the inhabitants of Paradise and who may be closest to Him to Whom we will all return. And perhaps those who are truly special with Him are those who are unknown to us. Perhaps it is because of them that Allah (swt) sends angels of mercy and protection to surround them and in turn, envelop us because of our proximity to such special people.

Some of us in the West are being tried with one of the greatest forms of tests in this life, and that is the test of luxury and ease. Will we continue to remember Allah, love His Book and cling to His path even amidst our comfort? How will we work to be of those whose hearts soar and eyes light up at the possibility of holding His Book and hearing His words?

For many of us living in lands of wealth and ease, accessing the Qur’an is as simple as clicking on an app, going to a website or taking it off our home’s bookshelf. Yet how many of us make a point to do so? How many of us put in the effort? How many of us, like this incredible woman who did not even have a mushaf, choose to have the Qur’an embellished in our lives?

I was walking amidst worshippers on the third floor of Masjid al Haram. Deep in thought, I was suddenly interrupted by hearing someone’s incredible recitation of the irresistible Qur’an.

I stood still, my heart captivated by the recitation. As I slowly sat in my spot, other worshippers came and began to sit near me, whisking out phones to capture the voice. It sounded like this:

As he finished, the man next to him began to explain that this reciter was Shaykh al-Shirbini, an Imam of a masjid in Cairo. Those around him begged him to continue reciting and he politely refused. The crowd got larger, persisting in their demands until he finally continued reciting and then engaged in conversation with the crowd.

His recitation reminded me of the world renowned Abdul Baset Abdul Samad, the Qari (Qur’an reciter) who almost every Qur’an teacher suggests any new student of tajweed (rules of recitation of Qur’an) to follow in order to perfect their recitation. For so long I had wanted to know how to get the same pitch as the great Qari, having heard more than once that it’s attainable even for those who are not born with it. I couldn’t hold my question in any longer.

He told me: Listen to Shaykh Abdul Baset over and over, focusing on smaller surahs (chapters of the Qur’an)to get the tone and inclination. And over time, the more that I listen, the easier his pitch will come.“Excuse me,” I spoke through the crowd, “I have a question!” The Shaykh and the man sitting next to him looked to me with kindness and welcomed my inquiry. “If someone wants to recite like you—with that same tone inclination—how can they do it?” The Shaykh smiled and responded with one word: “Practice.”

I haven’t attained that pitch yet, although I’m sure many readers have. (If you worked on attaining it, please write an article sharing with us tips on how to do so!) Thus, this reminder isn’t about getting down that type of tone inclination. This reminder is about his one-worded reply: Practice.

When I first started memorizing the Qur’an, my voice, my tone, my melody was horrendous. I hated hearing myself. My teacher would recite with a melodious voice and the words of the Qur’an would just enter my heart. And then I would recite and sound like nails on a chalkboard.

One day, I asked her how I could get to her level. How could I recite and actually enjoy what I heard? How could I not sound so…horrible?

She smiled and replied, “You’re just starting. I’ve been doing this for years. As you increase in your memorization, you’ll get your own flow and your voice will begin to fill. Don’t worry, it’ll just take time and practice.”

And that’s exactly what happened. It took time and practice. And that’s the key; you and I may not sound like a famous Qari, especially when we first begin. However, with time and Allah’s help, we’ll start to carve our own groove with our Qur’an.

Many are those who have lamented to me of their inability to recite beautifully, to memorize quickly or to remember what they’ve memorized. Those who’ve almost given up countless times have told me, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” The real question, however, has little to do with what may be wrong and everything to do with how hard or consistently one is putting in the effort.

Shaykh al-Shirbini and all of my Qur’an teachers gave me the same advice. Whether it’s the way one recites, the speed with which one memorizes or the strength of the actual memorization and review, all of these rest on one thing after the help of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), and that is: Practice.

We all have the ability to attain levels we see in others and wish for ourselves. The real question is not why we cannot get there. The question is: Are we willing to put in the effort and dedicate the time to become like those we wish to be?

For tips on how to memorize the Qur’an read: Part I

For tips on understanding the Qur’an for non-Arabic speakers read: Part III

For tips on how to review what one has memorized of the Qur’an read: Part IV