An Exposé on One of the Greatest Destroyers of Modern Day Discourse

“We have been forbidden to search for faults, we can take note only of that which is overt.” (Ibn Mas’ood)

Perhaps one of the greatest trials for those who discuss issues of contention today is context. Understanding the context of a person’s speech can set a person totally against another, or totally in agreement with him. It can cull hate in our hearts, or love. If I tell you, “The solution to our problems is to love Allah.”—the context in which one receives that statement will determine whether I am perceived as a passive, do-nothing, extreme sufi who believes that no organized hard work is required to solve problems….or as one who believes in sincere, dedicated work to help society, but remembers that nearness to Allah (swt) is the end goal of all work and of our existence. The assumption that I am a simpleton who has no further thought than that statement, or that I may have more thoughts going on behind the scenes but that this is a conclusion that I have come to is in the ear and eye of the beholder.

The assumption of man—the faulty assumption—tends to fall on the side of conflict. When we hear a statement, we tend to suspect immediately that the person who is speaking is less knowledgeable than ourselves, perhaps less aware of the issue, and so we jump on his/her statement to break the argument into oblivion.

Suppose a person were to say to you: “Every Muslim in the West should read the newspaper every morning.” One man’s assumption may think – this brother is a political nut-case who thinks the solution lies in being aware of politics and current events, why isn’t he doing dhikr (remembrance) in the morning!?” However, another person may think: “It is good that he is encouraging us to read the newspaper. After my dhikr every morning, I think I will do that so I am aware of what is going on in the world.”

You see? Many of us have the tendency to imbalance the statements of other people, and put words into their mouths, because we feel more comfortable when we are able to observe one or two characteristics of a man and then throw the entire personality of another human being into a pre-labelled box—it spares us the agony of deep thought, reflection, and contemplation. We deal better with boxes and categories than we do with people, and in doing this, we end up committing an injustice.

For example:

• If a person speaks about `aqeedah (core beliefs) – he must be a Salafi.
• If a person mentions Imam Ghazali or mentions the word muraaqbah, he must be a sufi with no activism or concern for the people.
• If a person calls us to study politics and history, he must be an activist lacking in his spirituality.
• If a person calls us to seeking `ilm and education over seeking an overly emotional islam, he must be a man removed from the awliya’  who thinks education is the question and answer to everything.
• If a person calls to an increase in the secular knowledge of Muslims, he must feel that the scholars of the Ummah are idiots and he must be saying that all traditionalism is wrong!

“Man has been created from haste…” (21:37) [Man is a creature ever hasty and impatient as part of his nature]

When we do this, it destroys any chance of an honest discourse. We become caught up in defining and redefining our positions and terminologies and spend long essays or words on attacking/defending positions that do not need attacking/defending. And at the end, we have gone nowhere, convinced no one, preached to our own choirs, and made a host of enemies.

From the Book of Adab of Imam Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 90, narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; and do not look for the others’ faults and do not spy, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert (cut your relation with) one another, and do not hate one another; and O Allah’s worshipers! Be brothers (as Allah has ordered you)!”

So let us be a little less assuming when we speak with our brothers and sisters and let the arrogance die in our hearts. inshAllah we will find our conversations full of productivity, remembrance, and blessing, and we may be of those whose sins Allah forgives for remembering Him.

-Abdul Sattar

Check out his amazing blog here.

Originally published December 2007.

By Abid Mohammed

Disclaimer: This article is the first of a three part series looking at the wide array of relationships that younger siblings have and from different perspectives. The next article will focus on what younger siblings should know about their older siblings.

“‘Joseph and his brother are more beloved to our father than we, while we are a clan. Indeed, our father is in clear error.'”

(Qur’an 12:8)

It’s always interesting to hear older siblings complain about their younger brothers and/or sisters. From the formers’ words, you would think that the latter were a race of incompetent, homer-esque individuals, whose talents include the ability to get under your skin and the complete inability to follow simple instructions or even pay attention to anything for more than a few seconds. In fact, if they were reading this article, the poor souls wouldn’t even have made it this far. And the reason for their appalling and atrociously substandard behavior: “Because that’s just the way they are,” the older siblings reply. But is that who they are? Do they know any more about their younger siblings than the brothers of Yusuf `alayhi as-salaam (may peace be upon him) knew about him (as)? (Apart from the fact that Yusuf and his younger brother were clearly troublemakers!). Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case, which is why I’d like to take the opportunity to provide just a few insights into the mind of our younger brothers and sisters. Enjoy.

1. They Hero-Worship

This is their default status. As an older sibling, you are their example. They will copy everything you do, even on a subconscious level. From the way they speak, to the books they read, to even the way they write the letter “t” – all can be traced back to you. This is very important as it means that, for better or for worse, you have and will continue to have a tremendous impact on them. The only exception to this rule is if you do anything to lose your “hero status” in their eyes. Whether it’s misbehaving with your parents, or being narrow minded in your outlook, if you give them any reason to doubt you as a hero, they’ll react very negatively – whether it’s talking back to you, not listening to what you say or much, much worse.

So if your younger siblings are misbehaving with you at the moment – ask yourself, have you or are you doing anything that may be damaging your credibility as a role model in their eyes? And if you want them to adopt a good habit, start by adopting it yourself.

2. They Are Watching Your Every Move

By definition, if they are always looking up to you, they’re always looking at you. By looking at you constantly, they learn almost everything about you – from what kind of friends you have, to the music that’s hidden away on your laptop and even the hair products that you use! The bottom line is, if you think they don’t know what you’re up to, trust me – they know. They aren’t spying. They just want to learn more about you. You shouldn’t suddenly start looking over your shoulder every two minutes for your younger sibling to make an omen like appearance – you should be inspired to create a synergy between your public and private actions, if there isn’t already one, and if anything, to practice what you preach, if you don’t do so already masha’Allah (Allah has willed it).

3. They Are Very Obedient

“No they aren’t! My younger brother never listens to me!” But at one point they did. In fact, I believe that initially, younger siblings are very obedient, and this partly ties into their “hero-worship” mentality. They are willing to follow their older sibling off a cliff – until they lose respect for them. Then things tend to go a bit askew (and by a bit, I of course mean VERY askew). Unfortunately, the flip side of their “mega obedience” is that when they lose respect for their older siblings, they become “mega disrespectful”. It’s almost like they’re lashing out at their elders for not being the example that they wanted them to be. That initial disappointment turns into an almost vitriolic anger, which if untamed, can lead to disastrous results not only for the two individuals concerned, but for the discipline of the entire family.

4. They Are Your Friend

At least they expect friendship from you. Younger siblings are very lonely creatures. In a society where good friends are as rare as a legally parked car at Jumu’ah (Friday congregational prayer), it’s a shame then that relationships between older and younger siblings in the Muslim community are formal at best. It’s understandable that you want to hang around with your friends, but take your younger sister out now and then. Show her that you value her just as much as your friends, even though in your heart, we know you love her more. Buy gifts for your younger sibling(s) when you go shopping just to let them know that you were thinking of them. Be their friend, because if you aren’t their friend, someone else will be and there are no shortage of bad friends out there who will make short work of them. And by the way, if your younger sibling pretends like they don’t want to hang out with you, because they’re “so cool” – it’s an act. Just persist with them and you’ll see their tough guy/”whatever” attitude melt away like the ice cream you just bought for them.

5. They Have Huge Expectations From You

They can’t help it. Younger brothers/sisters expect to be taught, trained and tamed by their older siblings. They would love nothing more than the older sibling to sit them down and teach them everything from Arabic to the footballing awesomeness of Zinedine Zidane. They want to be taught how to dress, how to make friends, how to survive at University (especially if you did the same course as them), how to manage your time effectively and much, much more! And if you as an older sibling don’t know how to do any of that, then learn together with them! If you aren’t prepared to do that, then at least point them to someone who can teach them those things; the worst thing in the world is to do absolutely nothing for them. To just sit back and let them jump the same hurdles as you did breeds irresponsibility and resentment within them. If you have no idea what expectations they have of you, follow the Prophet’s ﷺ (peace be upon him) advice: “None of you is a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Sahih Muslim). Whatever needs you had at that age, they too are likely to have. Or you could just tweet them a question like: “yo, bro, what are thy expectations of me? #helpme”. Whatever works.

6. They Need to be Shown That You Love Them

I bet if you asked every older sibling out there whether they love their younger sibling, most would reply, after listing all their negative qualities, “But yeah, I do love them, they’re my brother/sister at the end of the day.” But younger siblings aren’t mind readers. They don’t just magically know that you love them, especially after you’ve just shouted at them for being a total failure in life. You need to show them. Whether it’s through gifts, taking them out for dinner, buying clothes for them, taking time out to teach them Biology or reflect on a verse from the Qur’an, waking them up for Fajr, giving them advice or just saying that you love them. If you don’t show them or at least tell them, they’ll look for love elsewhere—usually in the arms of another boy/girl.

7. They Are Natural Comedians

There’s something about being the youngest that brings out the Dave Chappelle in them. They utilize almost every opportunity to make a joke or do something funny. Whatever it is, don’t get offended by it—especially if they try making fun of you. Realize that they’re just trying to be funny. To them, it’s a performance – a trait they’ve picked up while struggling to stay in the spotlight in a family of twelve. Their main objective is to get you to laugh (which incidentally lights up their day), not to hurt you. What would be ideal is to guide their humor and make sure it doesn’t stray into shady territory—which is everything from lying, being crude or just plain ol’ insulting. Remind them of the advice of Imam Ali (as), who said, “Make humor in your talks, like salt on food.”

There is much, much more that can be said (if you have any tips—feel free to comment below and share them with us!) and I’m sure more qualified advice could be given, but I feel that while there’s at least a discussion about parenting that’s beginning to take place within the Muslim community, there’s next to nothing available on how to deal with siblings. If this article at least starts such a discussion, insha’Allah (God willing), then that would be an excellent start.

I have known you since you were a teenager, and I have witnessed you bloom beautifully. When I saw you around friends and people in the community, and saw how steadfast on the deen (religion) you were, you reminded me of how Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) protected Musa and brought him up as a youth:

“…and I bestowed upon you love from Me that you would be brought up under My eye.” (Qur’an 20:39)

And you reminded me of the saying of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him), as he describes how Allah (swt) chooses people to serve his deen (religion) like he chooses prophets and saints from the very hardness of dead rocks, sometimes roses do blossom:

“Allah will continue to plant new people in this religion and use them in His obedience.’” (Hadith Hasan, Sunan Ibn Majah)

And dear brother, I never told you this, but maybe now I should—that you were always in my du`a’ (supplication)—sometimes in my sujood (prostration) and after salah (prayer)—I made du`a’ that Allah would keep you steadfast, that Allah (swt) would continue to bestow his blessings upon you.

I send you this letter today, because I see you have chosen to change…I see you getting higher in the ranks of life but more distant from competing for the hereafter; stronger in seeking worldly recognition, but weaker in the struggle for the akhira (hereafter); and I remember all the walks that we had together and shared our aspiration to grow stronger in this life to better serve this deen in the hopes that we can be great people in this world to be elements of change and reformation. I remember you telling me how proud our beloved Prophet ﷺ would be of you. I know that life keeps us busy, and I know that deep inside you still belong here with us in the lines standing and bowing in front of Allah (swt) and I am hopeful that you will reconsider.

In the seerah (life) of our beloved Prophet ﷺ is a story with a great metaphor, which I wanted to share it with you, and dedicate the deep meanings of this metaphor to you.

During the battle of Uhud, the Prophet ﷺordered around 50 archers to stay on top of the mountain and protect the back of the Muslim army. The Prophet strategically knew that Quraish could turn around from the back to attack the Muslims if this professional group of highly trained and skilled men left their position. The Prophet ﷺ was very clear in his instructions that these men are not to leave their spots: “Even if you see us snatched by wild birds, do not leave your spot until I send you a word.” Because they secured the back of the Muslim army, the Muslims had the upper hand in this battle, but not for too long. The archers saw the advancing Muslim army gaining control and collecting spoils of war, and most of the archers abandoned their spots running after the booties that Quraish left behind. They left the mountain.

What happened after that, is the tragedy that we all know of in the battle of Uhud; the Muslims were uncovered, and Quraish indeed stabbed the army in the back. Had it not been for the divine protection of Allah (swt) and the bravery of a few believers who fought between the hands of our holy Prophet and sacrificed their lives for the life of the message, the Prophet ﷺ would have been killed.

The lesson the Muslims learned on that day was very painful, but also very deep. The victory of Islam was in the hands of men who were of known expertise, and the ummah (Muslim community) was seriously harmed when these men let down their own people.

Dear brother, please don’t leave the mountain.

Our ummah needs men like you. The metaphor I see in this story is that of wasted talents of people who let down their own brethren, who in turn were sent as a mercy to mankind. In the life story of the Prophet, there were men who embraced Islam, and caused a turning point in the history of this ummah, and I have great hope in Allah that you can be among those men. Al-Hasan Al-Basri narrates that on the day of judgment Islam will be personified and will bear witness on people: “O Allah this person made me victorious. O Allah this person let me down…” until Islam reaches to Omar bin Al-Khattab radi Allahu` anhu (may God be pleased with him) and says: “O Allah, I was a stranger on this earth until this man became Muslim.”

Don’t leave the mountain.

Here, there is clarity of vision, and uniformity in direction:

“Say: ‘Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of the worlds.’” (Qur’an 6:162)

Don’t leave the mountain.

A mountain of eternal good deeds. We pray in rows shoulder to shoulder, foot to foot, facing one direction, and the angels pray on us. We put our hands together to feed the poor and the needy, they raise their hands and make a prayer for us, prayers that are never veiled from the Lord of the heavens and the earth.

“And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive, [Saying:] ‘We feed you only for countenance of Allah. We wish not from you reward or gratitude.’” (Qur’an 76:8-9)

“Who is it that would loan to Allah a goodly loan so He might multiply it for him many times over?” (Qur’an 2:245)

We share the hopes, the laughs, the sighs; we break the fast together, and raise the hands in du`a’ together.

“The Believer to the Believer is like a solid building, one part supporting the other.” (Bukhari)

Dear brother, we are all here for you, and we miss you. It is never too late to come back, never too late to make a u-turn. We can come back to Allah (swt) without worrying about having to save face or answer to others. In the life story of the Prophet ﷺ were stories of men running, bulging through the door of the masjid, running to Allah (swt) from themselves and complaining to the Prophet of Allah about their sick hearts, and then returning with healed wounds and forgiven sins.

Al-Imam Al-Nawawi mentions in his “Athkar” (and the hadith (narration) is in Al-Mustadrak of Al-Hakim), a story of a man who came to the Prophet of mercy ﷺ shouting: “Woe be to myself, I have sinned, woe be to myself I have sinned!” The Prophet ﷺ did not ask him about what kind of sin he committed nor where he came from, nor when was the last time he came to the masjid (mosque); instead he sat him down, and calmingly asked him to say the following: “O Allah your forgiveness is far more vast than my sins, and I have more hope in your mercy than in my own actions, so please forgive me,” then asked him to repeat it again, then again, then told him to stand up: “Allah has forgiven your sins.”

Imam Ahmad recorded that Ibn `Abbas said that a man by the name of Nabhan, came to `Umar and said that a woman came to buy dates from him. During the course of their business, he told her that he had dates of better quality at his place, and took her inside and did everything with her except the actual act of sexual intercourse. `Umar said, “Woe unto you! She probably was a woman whose husband is away (fighting) in the path of Allah.” The man said, “Of course she was.” `Umar then said, “Go to Abu Bakr and ask him about this.” The man went to Abu Bakr and asked him about the matter. Abu Bakr said, “She probably was a woman whose husband is away (fighting) in the path of Allah,” just as `Umar had said. Then he went to the Prophet ﷺ and told him the same story. The Prophet said she probably was a woman whose husband is away (fighting) in the path of Allah. Then a verse of Qur’an was revealed,

“And establish prayer at the two ends of the day and at the approach of the night. Indeed, good deeds do away with misdeeds.” (Qur’an:11:114)

The man then said, “O Messenger of Allah! Is this verse only for me, or does it apply to all of the people in general?” `Umar then struck the man on his chest with his hand and said, “No, rather it is for all of the people in general.” Then the Messenger of Allah said, “`Umar has spoken the truth.”

These are real stories of men and women who heard the Qur’an from the Prophet ﷺ and listened to his wisdom; they fell short sometimes, they realized the ugliness of their sins, but they were never estranged from their faith, and kept coming back to Allah (swt) and His Messenger ﷺ, throwing their heavy burdens at the front steps of Allah asking for forgiveness, that they were graciously granted.

Dear brother, we might change at times, but these changes don’t have to be permanent. We might go about trying things that can be of psychological and spiritual burden, but these exposures do not necessarily define us. Our hearts can become loathsome with the darkness of estrangement from Allah (swt), but this does not have to be our fate. These dilemmas we all struggle with in our lives, this is part of our very human nature, and this is why the door back to Allah (swt) is always open:

“Say: ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Qur’an 39:53)

Dear brother, the door is open. Please come back!

—Othman

A group of women from the tribe of Ghifar approached the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) to seek his permission to tend to the wounded during the battle of Khaybar. The Prophet ﷺ welcomed their request, giving them permission, stating, “By the blessings of God.”

With this group of women was a young girl named Umayyah bint Qays radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with her). She shares with us her own part of the story.

“Then we set out with him. I was a young girl. He made me sit on his she-camel behind the luggage. I saw the bag had got traces of blood from me. It was the first time I had a period. Then I sat forward on the camel [to hide it] and I was embarrassed. When the Messenger of God ﷺ saw what happened to me and the traces of blood, he said, “Perhaps you have had menstrual bleeding?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Attend to yourself. Then, take a container of water, then put salt in it, then wash the affected part of the bag, then come back.” I did so. When God conquered Khaybar for us, the Prophet ﷺ took this necklace that you see on my neck and gave it to me and put it on my neck with his own hand. By God it will never be parted from me.” She wore the necklace her entire life and stipulated that she should be buried with it. ((Nadwi, M. K. 2007. Al-Muhadithaat: The Women Scholars in Islam. London and Oxford: Interface Publications, pp. 59))

Let us take a few lessons from this incredible narration. From it, we can take lessons on the perspectives and proactive attitudes of these female companions of the Prophet ﷺ. From it, we can also take incredible lessons in chivalry and beautiful interactions between the Prophet ﷺ and the women in his community.

Let us begin by considering the perspective of the women who came to offer their skills to the Prophet ﷺ. They didn’t say, “What’s up with Islam? Why aren’t women obligated to fight in this battle just like men?!”

These women understood the wisdom of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) in every ruling and situation. They knew they could participate and be rewarded if they did so (like Nusayba bint Kab who personally defended the Prophet ﷺ in the Battle of Uhud), but were not mandated to do so. They realized that there was mercy in the lifted obligation and they were of those who realized the wisdom in the fact that there were differences in obligations.

Nevertheless, simply because they were not mandated to participate in the battle did not stop them from doing their part, in whatever way they felt they could be most effective. They did not sit around complaining or waiting to be asked; they simply did. Perhaps we can take from their examples as Muslim women in our own communities.

How many of us complain about the men’s side of the prayer hall being vastly greater in size or in cleanliness? How many of us feel incredible frustration when we cannot hear the prayer because small children are screaming around us or because the microphone stops working? We have tangible issues to complain about, no doubt. However, what are we doing, as women, with the means that we already have? What are we doing in our current situation?

Are we talking throughout the khutbah (Friday sermon) when we know we are supposed to remain silent and listen attentively? When two of us cannot pray, are we speaking while everyone else is praying and potentially disturbing those struggling to concentrate in their prayers? Are we watching after our own children or helping other sisters watch after theirs? Are we bringing in food for ourselves or our children and leaving crumbs and spilled drinks on the once-clean prayer carpet, despite the specific signs which request that all food remain outside? Are we dumping our shoes in front of the shoe racks instead of on the shoe racks and creating potential blockages for the elderly and hazards in the case of emergencies? (I know of a masjid who had to call 911 because a child’s life was at risk and the firefighter could not access the child immediately because he tripped over a pile of women’s shoes!)

What are we doing with what we have, considering the situations that we are in? Look at these women. They proactively took a leadership position in offering to help in a battle and service the community. How can we also learn to follow their example in our own lives?

Additionally, let’s look at their approach and perspective. They didn’t say, “If we go out and offer to help in this battle, some men may be intimidated because we’re so aggressive.” They did not tie their responsibility to Allah (swt) and their community to the possibility of attracting or not attracting men. I am constantly approached by young women who are told by their parents or those in their communities that they should stop being involved with Islamic work because “men are scared by women who are assertive and passionate about activism.” In my personal role as the Muslim Student Association President, I was told more than once that men were intimidated by me because of my position in leadership. In some of our families and some of our communities, we sometimes focus on tying our sisters’ abilities to attracting or not attracting a potential spouse, instead of developing our sisters’ incredible skills and potentials for the sake of Allah (swt) and the benefit of the community.

On the other end, the women in this example also did not say, “We’re just going to sit around and once Prince Muslim comes along, then we’ll get involved and work on becoming better Muslimahs.” This might seem far-fetched, but how many of us have heard or said statements such as, “I want to get married because then my husband will wake me up for qiyam (late night prayer) and Fajr!” However, oftentimes, those of us who say things like this are not doing those actions on our own.

Getting married isn’t going to solve our inabilities to wake up for Fajr or get up for qiyam. We need to develop our own selves without expecting marriage to somehow magically change our lives. Marriage can be a great tool of self-improvement and can help us change for the best, with Allah’s will. Marriage is amongst the greatest blessings that Allah (swt) can bestow on a person; and the creation of a family, and taking care of that family, is amongst the greatest acts of worship. But if we are not personally working on ourselves now, how can we expect that it will be easier with the additional baggage of another individual who is also imperfect?

What we see in the example of these women is that they took action and sought to benefit the community through their work for the sake of Allah (swt). These women looked at their personal situations, considered their personal skill sets and realized that they could use the skills they had, in the time that they were needed, to benefit their society in a proactive manner. They did not dwell on how they could be perceived or make continuous excuses for why someone else should do it. How, too, can we follow their example?

Let us now look at the interaction of these women with the Prophet ﷺ and his conduct toward them. First, let’s address the incredible manhood of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. As “the walking Qur’an,” the Prophet ﷺ had such an incredible demeanor that the women knew they could easily approach him and offer their services to the community. The relationship he had built with women in his community was one of trust, empowerment, dignity and appreciation. This is evident, most specifically, in the way that he (peace and blessings of God be upon him) turned one of the most embarrassing moments Umayyah, the young girl, could have ever imagined into one of the fondest moments of her life.

When the Prophet ﷺ saw her blood, he did not embarrass her and shout, “Astaghfirillah! (I seek refuge in God!) Sister! Haraam! Now you are a fitna (trial)!” His first advice to her did not consist of ordering her to leave his presence now that she was an accountable young woman. Instead, he taught her purification in that moment. He showed her ease and naturalness in that moment. He gave her a necklace, which he personally placed on her with his blessed hands, and helped her feel honored and special in that moment.

How many young women do we know who are struggling with their self-esteem? What are we doing, as a community, to help build it up instead of tear it down? How many young women have we told, “Cover up,” because they are a temptation to men? Instead of linking hijab (modesty) to loving Allah, (swt), we have often linked it to protecting men from women within the Muslim community. How many men have made comments such as, “Fitna just walked in,” without realizing the painful consequences on a female’s psyche when the only frame of reference her Muslim brother has for her is that she’s temptation?

All of these experiences have happened to me personally within the Muslim community and also to many women that I know. The methodology in which women are made to feel that they are the ultimate fitna psychologically damages women’s understanding of Islam and their self-esteem. It cripples a natural, normative relationship in which men and women work together for the benefit of society and forces men and women to fear being around one another in unnatural ways. This is not from the Prophet ﷺ.

We take from the example of the Prophet ﷺ that he let people live comfortably around him so that even when something which could have turned into the most humiliating experience a woman could have ever imagined, that girl, in that moment, gained knowledge, nearness to Allah (swt), and love of being with the Prophet ﷺ in the Hereafter. In our communities too, we need to re-evaluate the ways through which men and women interact and the rhetoric we use to describe women.

Let us look at the rhetoric of the Prophet ﷺ when he was asked by the women if they could participate. In his interaction with them, he verbally encouraged them. He didn’t say, “No. The men might be distracted by you and be tempted to leave the battlefield.” Instead, he specifically gave them the blessings of God.

We need to begin truly exemplifying the incredible character of the Prophet ﷺ who didn’t imply that Umayyah (ra) and the women she was with would cause chaos in the battlefield if they were present. He knew his community; he had developed the men and women in his community. And the women in his community followed his example; they felt comfortable and confident approaching him (peace and blessings of God be upon him).

This is the type of respectful brotherhood and sisterhood we need to embody in our Islamic work, in our marriages, and in our lives.  Their example teaches that men and women both have something to contribute and we need to be supportive of one another’s contributions when used for societal benefit. Allah (swt) tells us in Surat al-Tawbah, “The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah [charity] and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those—Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.” (Qur’an 9:71)

The Prophet ﷺ taught us how to achieve natural, healthy, balanced and beneficial community relationships. He taught us how to teach people about Allah (swt) with mercy, humility and respect. How many more members of our communities are we going to lose before we follow his example?

The above narration is full of lessons for us as a community in the West especially. Transforming challenges into opportunities is the methodology of the Prophet ﷺ. The women in this example were empowered to take action because of the teacher who built them and taught them to do so. This is Islam; the liberating, societally-benefiting and revolutionary way of life which can transform even the most embarrassing experience into the fondest memory, cherished for life.

If this is Islam, if this is our religion, when will we put it into practice? When will we follow the example of these female companions of the Prophet ﷺ in our attitudes and our own lives? And even more urgently, is it not time that the beauty of the Prophet ﷺ began to touch those in our own communities through the virtue of our own actions?

* Portions of this article were generally transcribed from a session on Womanhood, which can be viewed here.