Originally published in June 2011.

Commanded to Love: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV

Many of us have a wide variety of masks that we put on throughout the day depending on whom we are with and what their expectations are. Some of these masks are masks of patience, masks of gratitude, or masks of kindness. But the ones who see the ‘true us’ are those we live with. They see our faults and the side of us that we would never show to the outside world. When talking to the sahaba (Companions) the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said, ‘The best of you are those whom are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family’ (Tirmidhi). One of the wisdoms we can take from this is that it’s easy to be kind to people when you only have to see them a few hours a week, or even a few hours a day. It’s easy to put on a smile and make someone feel like they are worth something when you know that the show you are putting on will end soon. But it takes work, effort, and perseverance to keep up that niceness and compassion with the people you see day-in and day-out. It is with your family that your true colors show. Through the narrations and commentary of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ , we know for a fact that he was not one to wear masks nor was he one to be fake and insincere.

One of these narrations is of the time when the Prophet came bursting into the house of our mother, Khadija radi Allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her), seeking refuge from the experience he had just been through and begging her to cover him up. After listening to the story of what had occurred in the cave, which we now know was the beginning of the revelation, Khadija (ra) didn’t rush to call him a mad man, laugh at him, or even feel sorry for him. Rather, she had full confidence that something amazing was happening by the will of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) because she knew of his noble qualities. She began to comfort him, reminding him of all the good things that he consistently did, assuring him that there is no way that Allah (swt) would abandon him or allow him to be experiencing this out of madness nor out of possession. She reminded him that he was always good to his relatives, was always true to his word, helped those who were in need, supported the weak, fed his guests and answered the calls of those who were in distress. Had this account of his actions come from extended family or even neighbors, it would be awe-inspiring, but it wouldn’t be as powerful as when it came from the lips of his wife. His wife, a woman who sees him in the different moments of his life, who sees him day and night, who knows him for who he really is when his guard may be down, testifies confidently that he is a man of honor and a man that would never let anyone down.

They say if you really want to know who a man is, ask his wife how he is at home when no strange eyes are watching. Our beloved Prophet ﷺ was the same man behind closed doors as he was in public. His deeds did not change depending on who he was with nor did it change depending on who was watching because he knew that the only One who mattered was Allah (swt), and Allah (swt) could see him no matter where he was. He was not two-faced nor did he switch between different masks. No, the Prophet ﷺ kept it real—no matter where he was.

It is well known and understood that Islam is a holistic system that impacts all areas of a person’s life. We hear this a lot but many times it is difficult to know exactly what it means and how it plays out in our lives. On this topic Imam Hasan al-Banna has a beautiful, terse, but dense statement. He mentions that the first thing that the Muslim should be concerned with is the reform of herself or himself. Then he says, “A Muslim should strive to attain a strong body, good character, cultured thought. He should be able to earn a living, have pure belief, and correct worship. He should be able to control his desires, be careful about his time, organized in his affairs, and beneficial to those around him. These comprise the duties of every Muslim as an individual.” ((The Message of the Teachings by Hasan al-Banna))  These ten points provide a well-rounded approach to personal development according to the teachings of Islam.

Our health is a blessing and responsibility from Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) and the level at which we take care of it affects all areas of our lives. If we are healthy then we think more clearly, we have more energy, and we are even stronger psychologically. However, at the same time, when we neglect our health we fall victim to all kinds of things like fatigue, psychological and spiritual struggles, and even cloudy thought. For these reasons it is foundational in the development of the well-rounded Muslim personality.

Out of this comes the first outward manifestation of the real quality of a person’s relationship with their Creator, character. The word used in Arabic, matīn, does not just mean good but also firm. It’s as if it implies that if a person has a really strong character then it does not only show in good times but also when things are difficult. This is a great measuring stick for us in our daily lives. When things are easy it is not difficult to maintain good conduct and treat people in the best way possible, but in the face of hardship, fatigue, frustration, disappointment, anger, and an array of other emotions it becomes much more difficult. The person who really has firm character can withstand these tests, but the one who is only putting on a show will always be known eventually.

After these two comes the third quality in the set of types of strengths that build the strong Muslim personality. The first strength was physical strength. The second was spiritual discipline, which is the foundation of good conduct. The third strength is intellectual and educational rigor: to be cultured in thought. This particular point is actually of the utmost importance and many times neglected by people who are perceived to be “religious.” The fact of the matter is that Islam is a system of life, informed by the teachings of the Divine, and embodied in the example of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him). This example lived and existed in reality. The Muslim cannot cultivate a dynamic, powerful, meaningful, and impactful understanding of Islam without understanding reality. Islam is here to provide solutions to the problems that humans and mankind face. How can we understand that and actualize it without cultured thought? We cannot.

The fourth type of strength to be directed into the service of Islam is financial strength; hence, being able to earn a living. The reality of the matter is that it is very difficult to do anything when one is reliant upon others for their income or when their financial situation is so dire that they are occupied with essential issues like food, clothing, shelter, and health care. For these reasons it is important that the Muslim seeks to be able to take care of himself or herself so that they can be independent and capable in their service to Islam. Yes, some people will be poorer and others wealthier but all should seek some sort of financial stability.

After mentioning all of these points Imam al-Banna then moves on to say that the person should also have pure belief and correct worship. This is what directs all of those previously mentioned strengths. They are used in accordance with the guidelines and inspiration provided by pure belief and aided through constant and correct worship. From these sources the Muslim truly finds his or her direction and the kind of relationship with the Divine that is required in order to face the difficulties of service to the Truth. They are the well which quenches the spiritual thirst of the heart in its search for its natural inclination.

When all of these strengths are combined and held together with belief and worship the Muslim will find direction and mission in his or her life. This mission will require much from them and herein lies the secret of the last four characteristics. The first of these last four is that the Muslim is constant in fighting their base desires. In the struggle to worship Allah (swt) and live a righteous life there are endless difficulties and tests. Those tests are sometimes very clear and open but sometimes very subtle. They can be tests of sincerity, seeking praise, wanting appreciation from people, argumentation, and many others. These tests cannot be overcome except through a never-ending process of fighting one’s base desires.

The next of these characteristics are to be strict about one’s time and organized in one’s affairs. Time is life itself and the person that kills time only kills their self. This is why Hasan al-Baṣrī said, “O Son of Adam! You are nothing but a compilation of breaths and with each breath that passes, a piece of you is gone.” The well-rounded Muslim will also find that their responsibilities will always outweigh the amount of time that they have to fulfill them. For this reason the Muslim is always strict with their time and organized in their affairs so that they can reap the most benefit from this life before meeting their Lord in the next life.

The last characteristic is to be beneficial to others. This should be read twice. Everything that came before is lost if we are harmful to those around us. The scholars of Islam have said that the core objective of Islam is to acquire benefit. Everything that we do is in the service of Allah (swt) and all that He requires from us is only of pure benefit to us and all of mankind. Therefore, we should use this as a way to check ourselves and assess our impact on those around us, while seeking to understand not only through our own vision but through the teachings of the Divine.

May Allah (swt) help us to embody these characteristics and bless us with being able to manifest Islam in all of its wonderful beauty.

By Manal Hatab

Prophet Yusuf’s (Joseph), alayhi as-salaam (blessings be upon him), story carries timeless spiritual, moral and literary lessons, among many others. One of those timeless lessons is the eloquent portrayal of Prophet Ya`qub’s (Jacob) (as) exemplary character, which stands as a testimony to his unshakeable faith. The Qur’an highlights his wisdom and divine knowledge as a parent and a believer in the following verse: “And indeed, he was a possessor of knowledge because of what We had taught him, but most of the people do not know.” (12:68)

Prophet Ya`qub’s (as) forbearing nature is evident throughout his difficult trials, which involved his own family. Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyya said:  “Iman (faith) is two halves: Half of it is patience and the other half is gratitude.” ((http://www.islaam.net/main/display.php?id=1194&category=148)) No doubt, Prophet Ya`qub (as) demonstrated those qualities repeatedly throughout his hardships.

My intention is to focus on his role model character, as depicted in Chapter Yusuf in the Qur’an. Ibn Kathir explains that Prophet Ya`qub (as) had twelve sons among whom Yusuf (as) was the most honorable. This is in a hadith (saying of the Prophet), narrated by Abu Huraira. This hadith also confirms Prophet Ya`qub’s (as) honorable status.  Some people asked the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ :”Who is the most honorable amongst the people?” He replied, “The most honorable among them is the one who is the most Allah-fearing.” They said, “O Allah’s Prophet! We do not ask about this.” He said, “Then the most honorable person is Joseph, Allah’s Prophet, the son of Allah’s Prophet (Ya`qub), the son of Allah’s Khalil [Prophet] Ibrahim.” (Sahih Bukhari)

Ya`qub’s Wisdom: His Parenting Style

“He said, O my son, do not relate your vision to your brothers or they will contrive against you a plan. Indeed Satan, to man, is a manifest enemy. And thus, will your Lord choose you, teach you the interpretation of narratives, and complete His favor upon you and upon the family of Jacob, as He completed it upon your fathers before, Abraham and Isaac. Indeed, your Lord is Knowing and Wise.” (Qur’an, 12:5-6)

Ya`qub’s (as) wisdom as a father prevails in his remarkably nurturing and supportive response to Yusuf (as) who approached him to share his dream of the eleven stars, the sun and moon prostrating for him. The above verses, which describe Ya`qub’s (as) response, reveal a close relationship between father and son. According to the Sharaawy, the usage of the phrase “Ya bunaya” (O my son) in Arabic, indicates endearment and love. ((http://www.altafsir.com/Tafasir.asp?tMadhNo=0&tTafsirNo=76&tSoraNo=12&tAyahNo=5&tDisplay=yes&UserProfile=0&LanguageId=1)) Yusuf was still very young and dependent upon his father.  Using the appropriate rhetoric and parenting style, Ya`qub (as) delivered counsel with utmost wisdom. Firstly, he acknowledged the importance of Yusuf’s (as) dream and validated his experience by reminding him of God’s (swt) blessings upon him and his ancestors. Secondly, he counseled Yusuf (as) to keep the dream a secret; thus, displaying depth of insight into human nature. Instead of perpetuating unnecessary feelings of rejection between Yusuf (as) and his ten older sons, Ya`qub (as) highlighted Satan as the perpetrator of wrong doings. He avoided highlighting any flaws, due to envy, in his sons’ characters, but, instead, he brought Yusuf’s (as) attention to Satan, as the source of potential conflict between him and his siblings.

This encounter between father and son points to the importance of developing family relationships based on openness and transparency. By responding with genuine concern to their children’s experiences, parents keep a steady channel of communication open for future dialogue and counsel. Furthermore, there is a valuable message to teach children compassion by using rhetoric, which encourages empathy and love, especially among siblings.  According to modern psychology, Prophet Ya`qub’s parenting style is “authoritative.” This is the most effective parenting approach among the three parenting styles identified as “permissive,” “authoritative,” and “authoritarian”:

“Authoritative parents take a different, more moderate approach that emphasizes setting high standards, being nurturing and responsive and showing respect for children as independent, rational beings. The authoritative parent expects maturity and cooperation, and offers children lots of emotional support.” ((http://www.parentingscience.com/authoritative-parenting-style.html))

Ya`qub’s Patience: An Appropriate Response

As the story unfolds, the Qur’an describes Prophet Yusuf’s (as) brothers as harboring ill feelings towards their younger brother and accusing their father of favoritism. After seeking their father’s approval, they take Yusuf (as) on a leisure trip with the intention of getting rid of him. They throw him in a well and return to their father to relay the false news of his death.

“And they came to their father at night, weeping. They said, ‘O our father, indeed we went racing each other and left Joseph with our possessions, and a wolf ate him. But you would not believe us, even if we were truthful.’ And they brought upon his shirt false blood. [Jacob] said, ‘Rather, your souls have enticed you to something, so patience is most fitting. And Allah is the one sought for help against that which you describe.'” (12:16-18)

Unlike a typical parent’s reaction, Ya`qub (as) responded to the news of Yusuf’s (as) demise with great resolve. Even though he knew that his sons had committed a sin and were relaying false news, he decided to respond with patience.  Ibn Kathir explains the sons’ paradoxical behavior and Ya`qub’s (as) suspicions:

“They claimed that this was the shirt Yusuf was wearing, when the wolf devoured him, being stained with his blood. Nevertheless, they forgot to tear the shirt, and this is why Allah’s Prophet Ya`qub did not believe them. Rather, he told them what he felt about what they said to him, thus refusing their false claim.” ((http://www.qtafsir.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=880&Itemid=67))

In spite of his total awareness of the sinful nature of his sons’ actions, Ya`qub’s (as) reaction lacked any harsh recourse and portrayed a character tempered with patience and wisdom. He did not hesitate to cast a doubt upon his sons’ actions, immediately sought “sweet patience” and called upon God, subhanahu wa ta’ala, Exhalted is He, for help. He chose to avoid provocation or frustration. Prophet Ya`qub (as) models patience as a state, which requires resolve as well as the courage to be steadfast during afflictions. He stands as an example for parents to show patience during family conflicts, while actively and intelligently seeking solutions with in the appropriate context and appropriate time. It is a fundamental character quality that the believer possesses and that defines his disposition during tribulations. Judith Orloff, an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, affirms the empowering nature of patience:

“Patience doesn’t mean passivity or resignation, but power. It’s an emotionally freeing practice of waiting, watching, and knowing when to act.” ((http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201209/the-power-patience))

Ya`qub’s  Da`wah (Call) to his Family: A ”Balanced” Approach

After a focus on the events that Prophet Yusuf (as) underwent in Egypt, the Qur’an revisits the story of Ya`qub (as), his older sons and younger Benjamin. The sons are now in a despondent state. They had suffered from the drought that affected the region and were gradually undergoing a spiritual change indicated by feelings of remorse and despair. By that time, Yusuf (as) had reached a high position as financial advisor, in charge of all the storage units in Egypt. The wheel had turned a full circle and now Yusuf (as) had advantage over his brothers. It is under those circumstances that Ya`qub’s (as) sons urge him to send Benjamin with them to Egypt to claim his share of goods. The Qur’an describes Ya`qub’s (as) response:

“He said, ‘Should I entrust you with him except [under coercion] as I entrusted you with his brother before? But Allah is the best guardian, and He is the most merciful of the merciful.’ And when they opened their baggage, they found their merchandise returned to them. They said, ‘O our father, what [more] could we desire? This is our merchandise returned to us. And we will obtain supplies for our family and protect our brother and obtain an increase of a camel’s load; that is an easy measurement.’ [Jacob] said, ‘Never will I send him with you until you give me a promise by Allah that you will bring him [back] to me, unless you should be surrounded by enemies.’ And when they had given their promise, he said, ‘Allah, over what we say, is Witness.’ And he said, ‘O my sons, do not enter from one gate but enter from different gates; and I cannot avail you against [the decree of] Allah at all. The decision is only for Allah; upon Him I have relied, and upon Him let those who would rely [indeed] rely.’ And when they entered from where their father had ordered them, it did not avail them against Allah at all except [it was] a need within the soul of Jacob, which he satisfied. And indeed, he was a possessor of knowledge because of what We had taught him, but most of the people do not know.” (12:64-68)

In this interaction between father and sons, Ya`qub (as) is instructing with the intention of rectifying the wrongdoings, committed by his children. He alludes to God (swt) as the Guardian, Merciful, and Witness. He first reminds his sons of their broken trust with Yusuf (as) so that they may not repeat it with Benjamin. He however does not negate God’s (swt) attribute as the ultimate Guardian. Furthermore, he holds them responsible for their actions by obtaining an oath for Benjamin’s safe return and reminding them that God (swt) is a Witness over those events. This is incredible spiritual rhetoric, which arouses feelings of remorse and mindfulness of God (swt) by appealing to the sense of right and wrong. This type of rhetoric is however proceeded by very practical advice.  Ya`qub (as) asks his sons to enter the city of Egypt from different gates hoping to prevent a possible calamity. He concludes by reminding his sons that God’s (swt) decree will finally avail in spite of his advice. The Qur’an attests to Ya`qub’s exemplary character. God (swt) describes him as the possessor of divine knowledge.

In Tafheem, Al Maududi best explains Prophet Ya`qub’s (as) state:

In short, as far as it was humanly possible, he took all the precautionary measures to avoid every possible risk. On the other hand, he always kept this thing in view (and expressed it) that no human precautionary measure could avert the enforcement of Allah’s will, and that the real protection was Allah’s protection: and that one should not rely on the precautionary measures but on the favour of AIlah. Obviously only that person who has the real knowledge can keep such a balance in his words and deeds, who knows what kind of efforts are demanded of his human faculties bestowed by Allah for the solution of worldly problems, who also realizes that it is Allah alone Who has the power to make them a success or a failure. This is “what most people do not understand”. Some of them rely merely on their efforts and measures and discard trust in Allah; while there are others who rely merely on “trust in AIlah” and do not adopt any practical measure to solve their problem. ((http://www.tafheem.net/tafheem.html))

This is a lesson for parents to approach any problem they encounter with a practical solution that considers worldly causes or consequences to mundane matters without negating the power of God (swt) and His will to the outcome of their affairs. Prophet Ya`qub (as) also serves as a role model in his gentle approach to parenting where he instructs but also constantly reminds of God’s (swt) presence both through words and through actions.

Ya`qub’ s Hopefulness: A Tenacious Supplicator

The events that follow further deteriorate the sons’ relationship with their father.  Yusuf (as) who now has an established status in the land has plans to reunite the family.  Benjamin, accused of stealing, is held back in the palace with Yusuf (as). Yusuf’s (as) brothers return to their dad in despair with the eldest son refusing to reunite with his father. He held himself accountable for Benjamin’s safety.  Prophet Ya`qub (as) is deeply saddened, but never fails to return to God (swt) and supplicate for the safe comeback of his children. In the beginning verses, he seeks “sweet patience.” He does the same now while referring to God (swt) as the All-knowing. Even though he felt tremendous grief over Yusuf (as), he did not despair from the mercy of God (swt), and he relays that to his sons as he asks them to continue searching for Yusuf (as). This indicates that Ya`qub (as) did not shun his sons out completely but continued to remind them to take heed in God (swt) and gave them counsel.

“O my sons, go and find out about Joseph and his brother and despair not of relief from Allah. Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people.” (Qur’an, 12:87)

Yaqub’s Certitude: A Trait of a Sound Heart

Ya`qub (as) continued to call his sons to submission and repentance through a relationship tempered with mercy and patience. His rhetoric in the Qur’an indicates a state of unremitting reliance on God (swt), with the initiative to continue his service to humanity through da`wah (call to God’s religion).  In this case, da`wah was to his closest family members, his own sons. God (swt) also instructed the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ to invite his family to Islam first and foremost:

“And warn your closest kindred.” (Qur’an 26:214)

This kind of gentle rhetoric no doubt caused the children to feel remorse. Their wrong actions, of plotting against Yusuf (as), were spurred by the motive of seeking their father’s undivided attention. Their father did not desert them but continued to guide them while turning to God (swt) to seek solace and patience. His certitude that the dream would unfold kept him steadfast.Prophet Ya`qub (as) exemplifies how parents should carry their responsibilities towards their children even when they are in a state of rebellion. His actions reflect a sound heart, connected to God (swt) through worship and solely seeking His pleasure. Believers cannot but ponder upon his exemplary character and consider the malleable character of human beings. Yusuf’s (as) brothers underwent major moral changes stemming from a change of heart and consequently evolved from wrong doers to remorseful human beings who sought repentance and asked their father to pray for their forgiveness. It was God’s (swt) decree through all the events, to reunite Ya`qub’s (as) family with Yusuf (as) in a beautiful scene where the dream unfolds to reality.

As a parent, Ya`qub (as) suffered through the disobedience of his sons but remained involved in their lives with a mission to rekindle their faith. His “authoritative parenting style” portrays him as a “nurturing” and “responsive” parent who expected his sons to behave morally and consequently, he sought every effort through worship and counsel to propagate their repentance.   Each tribulation brought him closer to His creator. Ultimately, God (swt) does not waste the faith of those who have taqwa (piety) and endure with patience. As the Qur’an addresses Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in Chapter Hud:

“And have patience (oh Muhammad) for Allah will not waste the reward of the righteous.” (11:115)

By

Last week I finished the last of my nine written exams to enter Al-Azhar. I had been preparing for these exams for months, but as the time drew near I realized that I hadn’t put as much time into preparing for them as I should have, and felt a serious race against the clock was underway. My wife, an Egyptian who majored in Arabic in college, helped me tremendously with the four tests related to Arabic: Sarf (Morphology), Nahwa (Grammar), Balaagha (Eloquence), and Adab wa Nosoos (Literature). With her help I was able to cover the most important items for these exams before ‘exam week’, and reviewed each subject the night before taking its exam.

One night, as we were reviewing for Sarf and Nahwa, my wife was reading quickly through a portion of the book that we had covered before but had completely escaped my mind. As she was reading through it, sounding more like Chinese than Arabic to my mind as I struggled to recall the material, I felt increasingly frustrated and overwhelmed. I became short-tempered, and angrily told her, “Slow down!  You’re not helping me by reading it like that!”

Of course she was upset by my words, as she was only trying to help.  As we continued reviewing, a strong feeling of regret came over me, and I started crying uncontrollably to the point I couldn’t even speak for five or ten minutes. My wife, confused and worried, kept asking what was wrong.

What was wrong? This knowledge that we work hard to understand is supposed to bring us closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) and make us better people, both in our relationship to Him and with His creation. As the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said :

“أكمل المؤمنين إيماناً أحسنهم خلقاً وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم”

“The most complete believer regarding his faith is the one who has the best khuluq (character, manners, behavior), and the best amongst you are those who are the best to their wives.” ((On the authority of Abu Hurayrah, Reported by Imam At-Tirmidhi (#1162) who said its sanad (chain) is Hasan Sahih, as well as Imam Ahmed in his Musnad (2/ 450, 472 with a good chain according the Shaykh Shu’ayb Al-Arna’oot). It is also hadith (record) #628 in Riyaadh As-Saaliheen.))

After working so hard over the past weeks preparing for exams, focusing so much on getting good results, I realized that I had forgotten my main goal. The purpose of seeking knowledge is to try and understand my faith, to get closer to Allah (swt), and to apply this sacred knowledge so that it will benefit me in this life and the next, as well as my community.  True knowledge improves one’s character and dealing with others, as this small incident with my wife helped me to remember and take a lesson from.

“وَاسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ ۚ وَإِنَّهَا لَكَبِيرَةٌ إِلَّا عَلَى الْخَاشِعِينَ”

“And seek aid in steadfast patience and prayer: yet this, indeed, is a hard thing for all but the humble in spirit,” (Qur’an 2:45). ((The translation of this verse is taken from Muhammad Asad’s translation, May Allah have Mercy upon him. I have changed the word “and” to the word “yet” which may or may not bring it closer to the intended meaning, Allah knows best.))

“اللهم علمنا بما ينفعنا و ينفعنا بما علمتنا و زدنا علما و عملا متقبلا و اهدنا و اهد بنا و اجعلنا سببا لمن اهتدى”

O Allah, teach us that which benefits us, and benefit us with that which you have taught us, and give us an increase in knowledge and deeds that are accepted by You. Guide us, and guide others by us, and make us a cause for those who will be guided!

Bang.

Smash.

‘What was that?!’

That was the sound of a once sound heart, shattering into a million pieces. Imagine you are the person carrying that heart: covered in pain and soaked in tears. Maybe you don’t have to imagine, because maybe that is your heart.

We are the broken-hearted.

Betrayal, oppression, deception, whatever it may be that happened to us—the result is the same, a broken heart at the hand of a human. A broken heart that feels like it can never be fixed, and it was entirely someone else’s fault. It would be enough if they had just hurt us, and all we had to do is deal with the pain that came from their actions, but no. Rather, the hurt, the pain, the brokenness…it brought out the worst in us, allowing us to see our own faults, and painful ones at that. How do we go on? How do we move on with life and shift our focus back to the One who deserves it? How do we stop obsessing over the wrongs that occurred and start focusing on the only One who should be obsessed over? One word: Forgiveness.

When a person is soaked in sin and wants to return to Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), they begin with repentance. The person whole-heartedly turns to Allah, asking Him to forgive utterly and completely, even though the asker may not be deserving. Likewise, the path back to Allah (swt) after a severely broken heart, at the hand of a human, is forgiveness.

When it comes to forgiveness, the key is shifting how we see forgiveness. As always, Allah (swt) has given us a beautiful tool to make this shift, and that is the story of Prophet Yusuf `alayhi as-salaam (peace be upon him).

Of the many fruitful parts of the story of Prophet Yusuf (as), is that of his being wronged by the wife of his master. She attempted to seduce our beloved Prophet Yusuf (as). Not only did she attempt to seduce him, but she landed him in jail by blaming him of the unthinkable instead of taking the blame! IMAGINE! This is a woman whom, as the wife of his master, he was supposed to be able to trust. This was a woman whom he served during the day. Yet when her desires took over, she wronged him many times over!

Despite all of this, Prophet Yusuf (as) did not act wrongfully, nor did he hold a grudge. Why? Prophet Yusuf (as) knew the reality of forgiveness. When all was exposed and the truth revealed, Yusuf (as) made a revolutionary statement. He said: “I do not free myself from all blame. Truly, the nafs (base self) is inclined to evil, except for those who my Lord grants His Mercy. Truly, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

Allahu Akbar! (God is Greater!) A huge, humbling, life-changing lesson we can take from his statement is: You are not the oppressor in this situation only because Allah (swt) has blessed you with His Mercy. Every soul has the ability to wrong others, every soul has the ability to be the oppressor, and only Allah’s mercy prevents that.

The next time we begin to feel this immense and absolute anger towards the person who has harmed us—let’s make that shift, and forgive. Forgive the one who has wronged us not because that person deserves it; rather, forgive them as a sign of gratitude to Allah (swt). Forgive as a symbol of our thanking Him for blessing us to be of those who have never thought of hurting a person in the manner that we have had to endure. Forgive as a symbol of our thanking Him for making us the oppressed and not the oppressors. There is no sin in being the oppressed; rather, Allah tells us that He is with the one who has been wronged and is constantly answering their du`a’ (supplication). But what of the oppressor? They have the anger of Allah (swt) and the displeasure of Allah (swt). And realize that the one who has oppressed you has oppressed themselves more. For it is that person who will have to stand in front of Allah (swt) on the Day of Judgment and have their oppression accounted for, if they are not of those who have repented. So on that Day, they will be their own greatest victims.

Forgive as a statement that says, ‘Oh Allah I’m not forgiving them for their own sake, rather I am forgiving them as a sign of gratitude to You for steering me clear of those desires. I’m forgiving them out of my love for You. I’m forgiving them because I know You love it when a slave of Yours is merciful to others and I want to be of the ones that You love. My desires tell me to wish evil for them and to hold this grudge, but I put You over my own desire and I forgive them.’

Pray for those who hurt you. Pray for those who do not accept you. Love them for the sake of God. Pray that they realize their wrongs before they face their Lord. Pray that no one ever has to go through the same thing you did at the hands of this person. Love your oppressor for the sake of God, because love is the only emotion that is strong enough to penetrate a hardened heart, but know it will take time. Perhaps years, but you will be a better person because you chose to take the higher route: Forgiveness. 

Today, often times a “religious” person is seen to be someone who is rough and rigid, spouting do’s and don’ts without thinking twice about the emotions of the person being scolded. The Prophet ﷺ, however, was the farthest from any such description. He was a man who was enveloped in mercy, who cared for the weak, encouraged the women, and stood up for anyone in need.

Allah (swt) describes the character of the Prophet ﷺ in the Qura’n when He says:

“So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].” [Qur’an, 3:159]

The Prophet ﷺ did not only have mercy towards the men of his society at a time when women were treated very harshly, he was also busy working against this to replace it with mercy and compassion.

The men at the time of Rasul’Allah ﷺ were privileged with the opportunity to constantly be in his company, learning and growing with him. The women wanted to have such an opportunity, and being the leader that he was, the women did not feel any shyness or fear in requesting this from him. Upon request, the Prophet ﷺ set aside a special time just for the women so that he could answer their questions and help them with what they needed. There is a narration in which the Prophet ﷺ was sitting amongst the women and they were talking loudly to him. Umar came into the room and the women completely changed their demeanor. Seeing this, the Prophet ﷺ did not get angry, nor offended, nor even jealous–rather, he laughed. Umar radi Allahu anh (May Allah be pleased with him), asked the Messenger ﷺ why he laughed at their behavior and he replied that he was amazed at how the women hid the instant they heard Umar’s voice! This angered Umar and he questioned the women, asking how they should fear him yet not the Messenger ﷺ! Their response exemplifies the mercy that Prophet ﷺ had towards these women; they responded confidently that in comparison, Umar (ra) was hot-tempered, while the Prophet ﷺ was the epitome of mercy.

The Prophet ﷺ’s mercy was vast and inclusive. He spread it far and wide to the point that even animals could find refuge in his kindness. Of the many instances that are breathtakingly vibrant with the clemency of RasulAllah ﷺ is that of the helpless bird. ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud was traveling with the Prophet ﷺ and a few other men. One of the men took an egg from the bird’s nest. Out of despair, the bird came and flapped its wings at the Prophet ﷺ, and he took immediate notice to her sad state. He turned to his companions and asked them who had made this poor bird miserable. Upon finding out that her egg had been taken, he ordered the man to return the egg to her as a sign of mercy and compassion. At a time when many humans were not being shown kindness, the Prophet ﷺ mastered kindness to mankind and was already encouraging kindness and rights of animals.

Today, we look to the lives of the sahabah and read their stories. Many times, it is hard to comprehend how they had so much energy and drive to do all the things that they did. Their energy stemmed from pure Divine Love which was not built through harsh reprimands or robotic movements—rather, this love was built by being in the presence of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, seeing his amazing mercy and knowing that if he, the creation of Allah (swt), could exhibit such mercy, then what of his Creator?

Now that we know we must love the Prophet ﷺ, what true love is, and what the signs of love are, we must begin to actually build this love. As was mentioned in Part II, the longest lasting love is a love of someone’s “perfection in noble inner qualities.” So we will now begin to go through snapshots of the life of our Beloved, Mohammed ﷺ.

For forty years prior to the revelation, the Prophet ﷺ was indisputably known to be of sound morals. Amongst his tribe he was known as “As-Sadeeq Al-Ameen,” meaning “the honest and trustworthy one.” The fact that he was given this name can mean one of two things:

1. Either his honesty and trustworthy nature surpassed all others, or
2. At the time, it was rare to find someone who was honest and trustworthy; therefore his nature was unique and treasured as such.

There are many instances in the seerah (Prophetic biography) that illustrate the moral soundness of the Prophet ﷺ. One of these stories exemplifies the strength of the trust people had in him. It happened near the beginning of his prophethood. He summoned the people of Quraysh to the foot of a mountain and called out to them, saying: “Would you believe me if I told you an enemy host was waiting behind this hill to attack you?” Everyone, including those who would soon become his enemies, agreed that they would believe him. Although we may have heard this story many times, it may be difficult to grasp the true significance of that moment; an entire tribe agreed that they would prepare for a battle with an enemy they had not seen, using their precious time, and risking their resources – based on the words of one man. Allahu Akbar! (God is great).

It is said that the people had so much faith in him that they would advise one another to seek his services when needed. They would say, “If you have to travel and need someone to look after your wife, entrust her to Muhammad without hesitation, for he will not even glance at her face. If you want to entrust your wealth for safeguarding, entrust it to this trustworthy, honest man, for he will never touch it. If you look for someone who never tells a lie and never breaks his word, go directly to Muhammad, because whatever he says is true.”

The best way to feel this point is to take a moment and imagine someone who you trust one hundred percent, someone you know would never hurt you, someone who would never betray your trust. When they speak, you know that their words contained no lies; you find comfort in their presence. Most likely, this imagining will cause you to yearn for someone of this nature. Now take a moment and change that yearning for a nameless individual, to yearning for the Prophet ,ﷺ because this description is exactly what he was like.

May Allah (swt) cause us to be of those who yearn to be in the presence of the Beloved, Mohammed ﷺ and truly make him beloved to our hearts.

As I thought about his situation and his struggle to improve himself, I remembered something that I was reading in Riyāḍ al-Ṣāliḥīn just a few days before. I was preparing for a talk that I was to give on arrogance and the chapter after it in Riyāḍ al-Ṣāliḥīn happened to be the chapter on good manners. I was overwhelmed.

I will mention some of the ahadith that were compiled in this section by Imam al-Nawawi and perhaps share a few thoughts on a couple of them. One thing that we will see is that sometimes we are not in need of increasing our acts of worship, but rather in improving the quality of our acts of worship and the quality of our interactions with people.

Anas radiAllahu `anhu (ra) said, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ had the best character of anyone.”

Anas (ra) said, “I did not touch any silk brocade nor silk softer than the palm of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. I did not smell any scent sweeter than the scent of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. I served the Messenger of Allah ﷺ for ten years and he never said to me, ‘Uff‘ nor did he say about anything I had done, ‘Why did you do that?’ nor about anything I had not done, ‘Why did you not do that?'”

‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As (ra) said, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ was neither obscene nor indecent. He used to say, ‘The best of you are the best in character.’”

Abu Hurairah (ra) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “The believers with the most perfect belief are the best of them in character. The best of you are the best of you towards your wives.”

‘A’isha (ra) said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, ‘By his good character a believer can reach the same rank as someone who fasts and prays at night.”

One of the commentators on this hadith said that the reason for this is because the one who prays in the night or fasts in the day struggles against his self while being disconnected from the people, but the one who deals with the people with good character struggles against himself while dealing with others, with all their differences, so they are equal to the one who prays or fasts, or maybe even better.

Abu Umama al-Bahili (ra) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “I guarantee a house on the outskirts of the Garden to anyone who abstains from disputation, even if he is in the right, and a house in the middle of the Garden for anyone who abandons lying, even when he jests, and a house at the summit of the Garden for anyone who has good character.”

Jabir (ra) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Those I love most and those sitting nearest to me on the Day of Rising will be those of you with the best character. Those most hateful to me and the furthest of you from me on the Day of Rising will be the pompous, the braggarts and the arrogant.’ They said, ‘Messenger of Allah, we know the pompous and the braggarts, but who are the arrogant?’ He said, ‘The proud.'”

‘A’isha (ra) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said, “Allah is kind and loves kindness and gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness nor for anything else.”

The Prophet ﷺ said to his companions, “Shall I not tell you something that is better than fasting, and praying, and giving charity?” They said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He said, “Reconciling between people.”

O Allah (swt), bestow your peace and blessings upon the best man to ever walk the face of the earth, our Prophet and master, Muhammad ﷺ. May He allow us to be true inheritors of his legacy.