When Religious Leaders Fail: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

(This article was reviewed by a licensed therapist.)                    

The first level of disappointment is regarding the religious leader him/herself. Here are the aforementioned points that deal with this level:

• You may feel your trust was betrayed by their behavior because they did not practice what they preached. They not only did the opposite, but they did so in ways which are lower than you would ever expect in a friend, let alone a teacher and spokesperson for the religion. You may have trusted them, looked up to them, helped them, loved them, and/or obeyed them with devotion. The closer you were, the deeper the pain.
• Perhaps you feel the whole “Religious Preachers Industry” is corrupt to begin with. After all, you may have found out that others in the field were aware of this person’s ethical issues and did nothing to protect the public, or defend the rights of those abused. In fact, some continued to work with and promote their work as it was mutually advantageous to do so. Somehow, when religious leaders fail, they seem to be treated as above the law, above justice, and others in the field are part of the cover up using excuses of selective mercy that do not extend to the masses these people have harmed, or have the very real probability of harming, based on their issue reflecting an untreated pattern of such behavior.
• If you were specifically harmed by a religious leader, you may feel unsafe around religious leaders in general, particularly ones with the same physical profile or features as the person who harmed you.

As for the first point, your trust was in fact betrayed. You have a right to feel wronged. This feeling though, thankfully, does not mean you have to remain a victim to the mountainous pain of disappointment. When a religious leader fails, it has nothing to do with you, even if you were the one they directly harmed. It is a reflection of themselves, their own weaknesses, and internal states. There is no benefit that you can gain from holding onto the mountain of pain. Sometimes, a person might think by reliving the pain regularly, by carrying the mountain, they are protecting themselves from becoming desensitized to corruption, as the person who ‘doesn’t care’ is part of the problem. One can care very much, and be fully sensitive without having to carry the burden of pain with them. Integrity does not require self-imposed suffering. Just as you have a right to feel wronged and disappointed, you also have a right to let go of this pain while retaining the lessons.

The second point can become a dangerous slippery slope. There are hundreds of religious leaders in America. Even 30 Failed Leaders should not make us think the rest are in the same boat. At the same time, there is also no need to be naïve and assume everyone else is a saint. Everyone is human and capable of great good and great evil. To have the best opinion, do not assume more than what you see, in either direction. If someone does a clearly wrong action in front of you, “making 70 excuses” does not mean you say the action was right or justified. It means you might think, “Perhaps they are having a bad day, maybe they didn’t realize it was wrong, etc.” You also don’t extend it beyond that by thinking, “They probably do this all the time, this is how they *really* are, etc.” This would be having the worst assumption, and it’s not something allowed in Islam. To have balance means you don’t assume in any direction where their heart is as only Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) knows the hearts, and you only judge through actions, their observable behavior whether or not they are someone you’d like to take as a teacher. No one should be idolized. The religious leader is not the religion. I repeat, the religious leader is not the religion, no matter what claim to authority they might make. Even the most honorable ustaadh or ustaadha (teacher) is still human and makes mistakes. In Islam, we put following principles above following people.

Umar radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) once asked his people when he was amir al-mu’mineen (the Leader of the Believers) what they would do if he bowed down to corruption. He asked three times, until one of the people responded and said they would fight him. He congratulated the man who responded for having the appropriate response. If Umar (ra) as the khalifah (Caliph) was not above the law, no one else should be. If people have been wronged, they have the right to have their claims addressed even if they have to go to court. Sometimes people don’t want the stories to get out because they feel like such stories hurt the community’s faith. That might be true when it comes to smaller claims that can be negotiated between intermediaries. But for situations where a person is a clear danger, allowing a dangerous religious leader to continue harming people causes a much bigger crisis to faith and trust in religious leaders and institutions in the long run. Seeking justice is a means of having mercy on the community and even on the offending personality. Having once been involved in helping out with an intervention in which therapy was one of the requirements placed on the offender, the community leader who compliantly left their position, after some time, thanked those who intervened saying, “For the first time I felt like my problem can be, and will be, solved.” Alhamdulilah (all praise be to God), it was.

That being said, the entire field is not corrupt. The entire field is not pristine and pure either. Look for people of solid character, sound credentials in their learning, and people who work with others to build institutions that are about a cause bigger than their specific persona. Avoid taking people who display regularly narcissistic behavior as personal guides. You might be able to benefit in knowledge, but over time the behavior becomes normalized to you, and you would unknowingly adopt it yourself. The sincere teacher connects you to your mission, and calls you to God, not to himself or herself. Sound credentials are also important. Don’t take anyone as a teacher in religion who does not have the educational background that gives them ijaza (credential) to teach others. A beard, accent, and long robe are not indications of an educational background nor good character. Be wary of online degrees where the person has not also studied directly from scholars. Peer acknowledgment of requisite knowledge, character, and training by those who are credentialed and of exemplary character is another form of legitimacy. Our religious understanding is a living tradition, and it is inherited through people and institutions.

As for the last point, you may need therapy to fully recover from your experience. This is not something to fear or dread. Does anyone fear taking medicine when they feel physically ill? Medicine does not contradict prayer and tawakkul (trust in God), it completes it. If you don’t get treatment, you may find yourself turning away from anything and everything that reminds you even remotely of religion. After being harmed by a religious symbol, it becomes tempting to turn away from all religious symbols. If one was fake, there may be an urge to paint it all as fake. This is a trap of shaytan (the devil). When we are tested, we are in even more need of turning to Allah and holding onto His rope for our survival, guidance, and healing. If you feel like turning away, then allow yourself to stop the downward spiral by getting up, and turning back to Allah. Call on Him to guide you, help you, strengthen you, and liberate you from your pain.

Here are some tools that help alleviate overwhelming emotional distress:

1. Journaling in the third person: By expressing, you release the tension and come to realize the situation is not so big that it has to overwhelm you. It’s small enough to put into words and make sense of. By using third person you are able to dissociate from the heavy emotions while acknowledging what happened, and gaining lessons as well.
2. Channel your energy into a helpful hobby: exercise, painting, etc..
3. Releasing: A technique that is taught in the Whims-I-Kill program at ipersonalenrichment.com.
4. Speaking to local trained Muslim counselors and therapists.
5. Surround yourself with support. Fight the tendency to isolate. Spend time with worthy friends who would be like perfume sellers not blacksmiths. [i]
6. Increased worship and du`a’ (prayer). Every time you feel a whisper telling you to turn away from Allah, rebel and rebel hard. The shaytan wants you to despair in Allah, so you can feel utterly alone and without support. When you call on Allah, do so with hope in Him and His infinite abilities and wisdom. Believe in Who you don’t see much more than what you do see.

In the next piece, we will deal with the second and third levels of disappointment insha’ Allah. Until then, I pray this is of benefit for those affected and a conversation starter for all. Please feel free to add comments or reflections to this. You never know whom your shared thoughts are going to help.

Perhaps the most blatantly apparent quality of the 21^st century world is that the success of nations is based upon their material advancement with complete disregard for the moral status of its civilization.  However, Allah subahanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) has given us many examples in the Qur’an that illustrate His dealings with those nations that met their respective prophets with an attitude of stubborn rebelliousness. The Qur’an clearly indicates that the  material strength of these nations did not avail them in front of Allah’s punishment.

Allah (swt) says: “Have you not considered how your Lord dealt with `Aad—[with] Iram— who had lofty pillars, the likes of whom had never been created in the land? And [with] Thamud, who carved out the rocks in the valley? And [with] Pharaoh, owner of the stakes?—[All of[ whom oppressed within the lands and increased therein the corruption. So your Lord poured upon them a scourge of punishment. Indeed, your Lord is in observation,” (Qur’an 89:6-14).

Each of the nations were given some sort of material power. The people of `Aad were able to construct huge, lofty buildings much like those today in the Middle East.  The people of Thamud dexterously carved their dwellings out of mountains. It may be that the “lord of stakes,” Pharaoh, was named this way in reference to the pyramids that still remain intact today as witnesses to the architectural genius of the people of his time. Yet, all of these achievements could not save them from the punishment that was inflicted upon them due to their rejection of God’s revelation.

Based upon a detailed examination of these people and related verses that describe the destruction of previous nations, the scholars have mentioned the following as causes for their deterioration:

1. Denial of the revelations of the Lord and disobedience towards the prophets
2. Following the bidding of the insolent tyrants and transgressors who made mischief in the land and did not reform themselves (such as the people of `Aad and Thamud)
3. Rejoicing over scientific knowledge and turning away from the revelations of God
4. Insufferable intellectual and material arrogance intermingled with heedlessness of Allah’s severe punishment (the error of Pharaoh and Qaaroon)
5. Oppression, defrauding people of their possessions, and injustice particularly against the poor and weak (this was the error of the people of the Prophet Shu`ayb `alayhi assalaam, peace be upon him)
6. Committing abominable offenses, and indulgence in lust (for example the sins which ruined the people of Lut)
7. Widespread corruption, committing evil in public without the least attempt to forbid each other from these wrong-doings (characteristic of the Children of Israel)
8. Use of Allah’s blessings in disobedience, denial of many of those blessings altogether, and refusal to do good deeds
9. Indulging in luxurious living and ingratitude to Allah (swt) for His blessings

Each of these transgressions accelerates Allah’s wrath. Hence, the horrors that await a nation or society plagued by a number of these violations are beyond human imagination. ((The nine points listed are taken almost verbatim from the original text.))

Upon examination of the civilizations of our own time, it is apparent that each of them is dominated by one or more of these transgressions. Consequently, Allah’s wrath and retribution is inevitable so long as the people of these civilizations persist in following in the footsteps of the doomed. In this regard, Allah (swt) says:

“And you lived among the dwellings of those who wronged themselves, and it had become clear to you how We dealt with them. And We presented for you [many] examples. And they had planned their plan, but with Allah is [recorded] their plan, even if their plan had been [sufficient] to do away with the mountains,” (Qur’an 14:45-46).

So the very important question arises: What is the solution to the predicament faced by present-day societies? Al-Mawdoodi writes, in comment to a speech given by Lord Luthen at Olaykara University in which he states that the only way to salvation is to swear allegiance to a religion:

“One gets the impression that he resembles a thirsty man who is not even aware of the existence of water, still he can feel all the symptoms of his thirst. He lists the properties of the thing which can put an end to his thirst but he is not able to name it. If we put a glass of water in front of him, he will say on instinct that this is the thing he felt thirsty for and will jump and drink it. Others who suffered the devastating consequences of the Western civilization and urbanism in Europe, America and the rest of the world, share Lord Luthen’s condition. […] Undoubtedly they heard the word ‘water’ before but they are terrified whenever it is mentioned because they were not given a chance to know the real meaning of it. Their ignorant and fanatic ancestors told them that water refers to a poisonous thing which no one should approach. Ironically, if that thing was put in front of them and was not named, they would have instantly cried out saying that this is the thing which they felt thirsty for…”

Islam is the only system which offers humanity a completely balanced and integrated system; this is the straight way (siraat-ul mustaqeem) that Muslims ask for guidance to in prayer.

By balance, what is meant is that Islam is a middle way that doesn’t veer off into extremes. What is meant by integration is that Islam integrates sciences and faith, truth and power, creed and activity, religion with the state, instruction and legislation, religious scruples and the duties of rulers, material creativity and moral loftiness, and military power and morale. This integration is based upon the principle that belief in God is essential to the life of humanity.

The mission of religion and belief is represented in the following:

• First, Belief builds and develops the relationship between the believer and Allah (swt) into an ethereal intimacy which fills that person with love, trust, and certainty.
• Second, It elevates man from the level of a “developing animal”, as some people describe human beings, to an honorable, rational creature who has to fulfill certain duties and who was fashioned according to the best organizational plan. Man is Allah’s vicegerent on earth. Hence man shouldn’t give in to the petty vanities of life which drag him on the downward path. He should always aspire to higher values.
• Third, Religion broadens the scope of man’s relationship with the vast universe. Man is not an intruder in this enormous cosmos. This universe is created for man’s service and it is one of the Signs of Allah’s existence. All people are brothers and sisters.
• Fourth, It makes man realize the meaning and wisdom of morality.

All these values aim to make us realize the secrets and truth of our existence and our mission in life. They stem out of belief in Allah (swt) and the hereafter which are the pillars on which religions are built. Hence, it is essential to restore the constructive influence of belief upon humanity and life.

When belief infiltrates the society and enlightens the hearts of its individuals, people will exhibit the characteristics of a true Islamic society and will build its foundation upon the following pillars:

1. Brotherhood and Love: It is a natural result of faith to unite those upon the firm creed.
2. Sympathy and Mercifulness: These characteristics are especially obligatory regarding the weak, the orphans, the needy, and the wayfarers.
3. Support and Cooperation: It is a must for the believers to cooperate upon righteousness and piety and not to work together for vice and hostility.
4. Solidarity and Mutuality: It must be a society in which the rich support the poor, and the strong come to the aid of the oppressed.
5. Mutual Consultation and Advice: No one in this society is above the law or above being corrected if they do not adhere to God’s commands
6. Purification and Advancement: The Muslim society is a hygienic one that educates its individuals in purification, decency, chastity, and prohibits every kind of abomination whether hidden or open.
7. Justice: It includes economic and social justice as well as just treatment by the law.
8. Progressiveness: This is perhaps the most important characteristic of Muslim society—it is progressive and not underdeveloped! However the definition of this progress is based upon the collective goal of humanity which is to perfect the worship of God, to fulfill the vicegerency on earth, and to accomplish preservation of the earth.