By Dua Aldasouqi

Have you ever
had your heart broken,
chest opened
reached in
pulled out
squeezed
until you bleed?

Have you ever
cried for a lost one?
Mother, brother, daughter, son,
tummy in a knot
and all you want to do is run?

Have you ever
struggled with the news?
Murder, massacre,
guns and demolition crews.
It’s like a game,
which tragedy do you choose?
Which tyrant
do you root for to lose?
Can you just turn off
or at least snooze?
Because you just.can’t.even.

So you, turn to a friend:
mentor, teacher, or anyone else
Because you feel absolutely hopeless

You ask them: What should I do?
And they say, make du’a’ ((supplication)) , you know pray
So you’re like, yeah yeah
But, no, what should I do or say?
You brush it off your shoulder cuff
Like du’a’ just, isn’t enough

You move on, not
recognizing what you’ve done
That you’ve left behind
The truly capable One

You forget – that Yahya ((`alayhi as-salaam—peace be upon him))
was the answer
to his father’s
constant prayer

You forget – that Yunes ((`alayhi as-salaam))
chose prayer
Over despair
inside the whale

You forget – that Ayoub’s ((`alayhi as-salaam))
affliction
was removed
through du`a’

You forget – that Badr
was nothing short of
intervention
from the heavens

You forget—that power
lies with Him alone
That strength comes
through His will

That He is the
Sustainer, the Maintainer,
the Provider, the Protector,
the Just, the Judge

You forget – that He is
the only capable One

Whether through death, loss, or disagreement, when we lose someone or something dear to us, we become overwhelmed by the pangs of grief; the pain of loss feels overbearing as though it would never end. Having to face the consequences of detachment can be a traumatic experience. All we can think of is the pain enshrouding our hearts and consuming our minds. With tears streaming down our faces, our faces contorted with emotion and our hearts too feeling as though a heavy burden has landed—the misery takes a hold of us and, blinded by our tears, we fail to see the light.

But there is a light; a light to behold even in the darkest corner of the earth, even in the murkiest depths of the ocean. We don’t have to drown in the quicksand of trauma. Nothing and nobody by Allah’s Will subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) has the ability to overpower the underlying depth of:

Inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon.

Verily, unto God do we belong and, verily, unto Him we shall return.

When we actually give some time and thought to reflect upon the words which constitute this statement, we come to realise that there is an extremely powerful and truthful message behind it—an answer to all our questions, grief and emotions.

This profound phrase captures the essence of our entire existence; it encapsulates where we came from and also where we are headed:

Allah

Understanding the statement has the ability to eradicate regrets and past events. It holds the key to finding contentment during those times when we think, ‘Why did that have to happen?’ We can become immersed in questioning, and drown in the misery of relentless searching for the answer…Or we can discover patience by asserting that regardless of whatever has occurred, we will indeed return to Allah (swt).

When we truly understand the meaning of inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon, we find that no sadness will last forever, and that we shouldn’t destroy ourselves by holding even the slightest bitterness or anger within us. By understanding that Allah (swt) is the One, the only One to Whom we belong, we should be able to move on from painful moments in our life (which we should assert as not being able to occur except that Allah (swt) Willed for it to be) and strive for our goal of meeting Him.

There should be no space for bitterness or anger when one truly comprehends the deep truthfulness of this phrase, and we should be able to forgive those who have intentionally or unintentionally wronged us because we know that Allah (swt) alone holds all sovereignty and that even our emotions belong to Him. By forgiving ourselves and others, by showing sabr (patience) in the face of death or loss, and by aspiring for Allah’s Mercy and Judgement, we open ourselves to a whole new level of understanding ourselves in the context of space and time. We can understand by His Will that Allah (swt) is all that matters, and everything else in this dunya (current life, world) is a means for us to reach Him because we want to be able to See Him at the end, for without a doubt we will have to return to Him.

‘Inna’ meaning ‘verily’ tells us that with certainty we belong to Allah (swt), that is, He Created us and bestowed on us our beginning without a doubt. ‘Inna’ occurs twice in this phrase, providing an emphasis on the certainty of Allah’s Ever-Lasting existence, emphasising the certainty of our beginning AND our end. So Allah (swt) is Al-Awwal (the Beginning, the First) and Al-Akhir (the End, the Last). Al-Awwal ul Akhir (The Ever-Lasting) is the source of light in every single moment of despair, hardship, and difficulty where our tears and grief blind us. Instead of allowing or hearts and souls to become blinded by the darkness of sadness, we can train ourselves in times of positive feelings and negative feelings to find contentment in Allah’s Decree, for nothing happens without His Decreeing it.

Allah (swt) tells us in Surah Baqarah, verses 155-156:

And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: “Verily! To Allah we belong and verily, to Him we shall return.” (Qur’an 2:155-156)

This is our Lord, the One Who Created us when we were nothing, telling us in His Divine Book—tanzil (sent down) to humans and jinn as a dhikr (reminder)—that He will definitely test us with trials, but that He has Promised reward for those who are patient.

And how do we be ‘patient’ in the face of turmoil?

Just as Allah (swt) has created tests involving struggle, risk and loss, Allah (swt) has also told us how to approach these tests; He has revealed to us that the patient are those who, when afflicted with calamity, say, “Inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon.” In His infinite Mercy, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala has allowed for relief to accompany difficulty. This also shows us that the losses and difficulties won’t last forever, and that everything which we regard as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in the dunya is of temporal nature.

No pain or grief or disagreement can last forever, but with certainty, Allah (swt) lasts forever and from Him we came to be and it is to Him we will with certainty return.

This means that the events which take place in this dunya are mere moments. We become so consumed by our grief that we fail to see that al-Qahhar (the Conqueror, the Ever-Dominating) has provided us with light and that even in the most difficult times, Allah (swt) provides ease with hardship.

Upon coming to terms with the truth and power imbued in inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon and proceeding to integrate this magnificent statement into each moment of your daily life, when you are faced with any minor or major losses, you will see a whole new world of contentment and serenity opened up to you, insha Allah (God willing).

The trials faced by Umm Salamah radi allahu `anha, may God be pleased with her, teach us important lessons about how to handle tests, loss and situations in which we do not get something we had hoped for. Her approach towards calamity shows us what it means to be patient in the face of adversity and to recognise that Allah (swt) will always restore what He takes away from a patient believer with something better.

All is NOT lost.

The beautiful way in which she approached her afflictions reminds us to rely on Allah (swt) and to never despair for He is Able to do anything at any moment; Allah (swt) is our Provider, and when we are struck by loss, and things don’t go the way we want them to, Allah (swt) is Ever-Watching and He is the Best of planners. Umm Salamah’s first husband was Abu Salamah radi allahu `anhu, may God be pleased with him, who returned to Allah (swt) during Jumada Al-Akhir in the fourth year after Hijra, after receiving wounds in the Battle of Uhud. His passing from this dunya resulted in grief for she had loved him sincerely; nonetheless, Umm Salamah (ra) did not fail to turn to Allah (swt). Heartbroken by his departure, she remained steadfast in her relationship with Allah (swt) and supplicated to Him for our Rabb (Lord) is Al Mughni—the Enricher, the One Who satisfies the necessities of His Creation. In her grief-stricken state as she wondered who could possibly be better than Abu Salamah, she supplicated:

inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon; Allahumma ajirni fi musibati wa akhlif li khayran minha

‘Verily, we belong to Allah and verily, unto Him shall we return. O Allah! Reward me for the calamity that has befallen me and grant me better than it.’

Allah (swt) then answered her du`aa (supplication) by giving her the Messenger ﷺ (peace be upon him) himself! In Shawwal of the same year in which Abu Salamah (ra) returned to Allah (swt), the Messenger of Allah ﷺ married her. Thus, because of her patience and acknowledgement that we belong to Allah (swt) and unto him we return, Allah (swt) compensated her with reward and recompensed her loss. Allah (swt) alleviated her and answered her question, “Who is better than Abu Salamah?” by blessing her with our beloved Messenger ﷺ.

This legacy speaks volumes of the reward and relief Allah (swt) grants to those who are patient, and those who have tawwakul (reliance) on Allah (swt) to replace what is taken away from the believer who lives with patience. What we are provided with is His to give and take, and it is in acknowledging that He is the Owner of all that we are able to see through loss and hardship, and witness blessings.

If you are facing any trial in the present, know that Allah (swt) provides ease and that the cure is with you by Allah’s Will. Reflect on, and realise that none other than Allah (swt) Knows best about what adversity or struggle you are going through for Allah (swt) is the One Who tested you with such, and on no soul does He place more than that which it can bear—Allah (swt) is closer to you than your jugular vein, than your own self, and so He Knows what you are feeling. The next time you are faced with a grief or loss, or even happiness and blessing from Allah (swt), by uttering, comprehending and believing that our final destination is Allah (swt)—the end is essential for our eternal bliss—through making Allah the means to Him, glimpses of light make their way through your feeling of loss.

For each time that you submit to Allah (swt) alone by not only uttering inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon but by understanding it and feeling its essence in your heart and limbs through acknowledging Allah’s Power, you will not only be rewarded insha Allah but Allah (swt) will return His favours and blessings upon you for submitting to His Will with sabr (patience). Like Umm Salamah (ra), place your trust in Him to get you through any manifestation of loss, however slight or major you may consider it to be, and trust Allah (swt) to answer your supplications, for no du`aa is lost.

No distress or loss is too difficult to deal with when we know Allah (swt), and place our trust in Him to get us through everything, whether we consider the moments as good or bad. No distress or loss is too difficult to deal with when we acknowledge and apply that we certainly belong to Allah, and we certainly return to Him.

Our lives are spent in various boxes. We live in boxes that are insulated from the outside; we feel neither the heat of the blazing sun till it penetrates our being nor do we experience the cold blasts of winter till our bones shiver. We venture out from these boxes in other boxes that simulate the conditions of our homes. If the day is pleasant, we take a whiff of the outside breeze, maybe spend a few hours in the open, and then return, relieved, to our air-conditioned habitats.

There are also some intangible boxes that we live in. Our memories surround us at all times. They are the silent conversations that constantly play in our minds. We recall moments of joy or are afflicted with debilitating grief. Since every moment lived eventually slips into memory, the writing on the glass walls of this box are constantly changing. In the middle of the mundane routines of this life, one might recall a moment of joy from years ago–maybe the company of a dear friend, a joke, a day on the beach, and our little glass box will fill with light and everything viewed from it will glow. Or maybe the memory of some grudge, some old or recent fight, will intrude upon your thoughts, and the walls of memories will become clouded with grief. The ugly words spoken years ago will bring a frown to your face and the whole world will seem dark.

There is an elite group of people you permit into your invisible box. They are the ones whom you trust. They are so close to you that they write their memories on the glass walls next to your own, and it is as if you have vicariously lived through their experiences. Through deep conversations and years of companionship, they have shaped your opinions and your world view just as you have shaped theirs. The hearts of such friends beat in sync with each other’s thoughts.  This is especially true of friends that are united in faith. The Prophet ﷺ describing them said: “The Believer is a mirror to a Believer. The Believer is a brother to a Believer. Guarding him against loss and protecting him in his absence.”  (Related by Abû Dâwûd (no.4918) and al-Bukhârî in al-Adadul-Mufrad (no.239), from Abû Hurayrah )

That is until someone comes and writes ugly graffiti about your friend on your wall of memories.

It could be a wayward thought whispered by Shaytan, it could be a genuine grievance left unattended in the heart, but someone has sprayed ugly graffiti about your friend on the wall. You are not sure where it came from. You are not even sure who wrote it. Did you write it in a fit of rage or did a stranger come with some piece of spiteful, juicy gossip and you listened? Did you allow an outsider into your closed thoughts, or was it someone who already had access to your memories? Rumors and suspicions consume your thoughts as you try to recall the good memories, but the one vicious scribble seems to grow with time and casts its ugly shadow on all other memories.

Now when your friend approaches, she is not permitted into your box of memories. At first, she is unaware that she has been excluded, that when you look at her through the glass, you see only the words of suspicion, of blame, of grievances scrawled across her face.   Her words, no matter how sincere, do not get across. They are muffled by your own emotions of anger and regret. “How could she?” you wonder. As the relationship deteriorates, your friend pleads with you to let her back into your life, but now the ugly, piece of suspicious gossip has become implanted into your brain and nothing, it seems, can remove it. Your friend either gets agitated and loud in her protests, or gives up and falls silent, and then only do you turn towards her and what you see displeases you. Allah (swt) warns us against this in Surat Al-Hujurat:

“O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.” (Qur’an, 49:12)

But of course, would people whose hearts beat with the love of Allah (swt) and His Messenger ﷺ treat each other in this despicable manner? Rather, they would turn to the Qur’an and the Sunnah and resolve their differences in an amicable fashion. We forget that this world is a test and this lapse of memory makes the previous scenario even more difficult for us to fathom. How, we wonder, could this be happening? The reality is that differences are a part of our lives.

A few years after Allah (swt) commanded Hazrat Adam (as) and his wife to leave Jannah (paradise), the arguments and suspicions between his sons had already begun.

“And recite to them the story of Adam’s two sons, in truth, when they both offered a sacrifice [to Allah], and it was accepted from one of them but was not accepted from the other. Said [the latter], “I will surely kill you.” Said [the former], “Indeed, Allah only accepts from the righteous [who fear Him].” (Qur’an, 5:27)

And the differences will continue to afflict us to the Day of Judgement and beyond; almost to the gates of Paradise. Insha’Allah (if Allah wills) we will make it that far.

“The believers will be saved from the Fire then they will be kept on a bridge between Paradise and Hell. They will settle their accounts with one another for any wrongs that existed between them in this world, until they are purified and cleansed, and will be permitted to enter Paradise. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, each of them will know his dwelling in Paradise better than he knew his dwelling in this world”. (Sahih al-Bukhaari, Kitaab ar-Riqaaq, Baab al-Qisas Yawm al-Qiyamah, Fath al-Baari, 11/395)

The Prophet ﷺ said: “I asked my Lord for three things, but He gave me two of them, and prevented me from one. I asked my Lord that my nation not be destroyed by a drought, so He gave it to me. And I asked Him that my nation not perish by drowning, so he gave it to me. And I asked Him that fighting not occur between them, but He did not give it to me.”  (Reported by Muslim #2890 and others)

The disagreements will not disappear, but all is not lost.  As in all other tests of this world, sometimes we pass and sometimes we fail, but as believers we never give up. The vicious words that pollute our memories are not written in indelible ink. They can be wiped off, and the moral strength required to do so can be attained by the continuous recitation of the Qur’an. The grudges and grief must be replaced by the words “pardon and overlook”. Allah (swt) commands the believers to turn the page and not hold grudges when harsh words interfere in our relationships, whether with those in our families or those of other faiths.

Every dispute might not necessarily be resolved, but we should continuously work to remove the suspicions from our hearts so that peace returns to our invisible box of memories and we can return to worshiping Allah (swt) with a clean heart.

“The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those – Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.” (Qur’an, 9:71)

Psychologists tell us that human beings go through five stages of emotion when struck with a calamity. Understanding the different stages of grief minimizes the first four stages (which are denial, anger, bargaining and depression) and gets us to the final stage – which is acceptance. I went through these stages on many different occasions, as I am sure you have.

I am not a psychologist nor am I trying to refute the works of psychology, but I would nonetheless like to offer a different view, a Qur’anic view, on how to deal with life’s trials.

Though we do not have a say in when we are born nor in when we die, life has a clear beginning and a clear end. What is sometimes unclear is the journey between the two points. For Muslims, however, the journey could not be any clearer. Allah says in Surat Adh-Dhariyat:

“And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)” (Qur’an, 51:56).

Now think back to the first paragraph of this article. You might think to yourself, “I pray five times a day, I fast during Ramadan and pay my zakat, yet I have an ill child, or still can’t find a job, or this stressor or that.”  You begin to wonder why you are going through this and why you are being “punished.” Before you know it, shaytan takes the helm and you are on a slippery slope of anger and denial.

Before falling down that slope, one must take a deep breath and ponder the following question: is it punishment or is it a manifestation of what Allah has told us in Surat Al-Ankabut:

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested?” (Qur’an, 29:2)

Allah tells us that through this journey we call life we will be tested. In Surat Al-Baqarah, He says:

“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits…” (Qur’an, 2:155)

Tribulations are a part of life but that doesn’t make them easy. We still grieve — but how could we not? We are, after all, a very emotional creation. So how does one cope with adversity? There are many ayat in the Qur’an that talk about different mechanisms of coping such as patience, faith, prayer and acceptance. But what I find the most profound and the most comforting is what Allah says in Surat Al-Baqarah:

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur’an, 2:286).

If you stand back and take a look at the whole picture, you will realize that what you have when faced by a tragedy is a choice. Will you go through the stages of grief, denying Allah’s destiny and the wisdom of His plan for you? Or will you realize that what you are going through is something you know you can handle? Whatever trial comes your way is something that Allah has planned and which He has guaranteed you can handle. This ayah is comforting because I, as a faithful mu’min who believes in Allah and His wisdom, know deep in my heart that although the sadness is cumbersome it will not be overwhelming; that although the times might be tough, I am tougher; and that whatever comes my way will go away; and that eventually I will face my Lord whom, I hope, will be pleased with me as I am pleased with Him.

So when you go through a difficult situation, be it the inevitable death of a loved one or the loss of a job or just a flat tire on the side of the highway, take a deep breath and say:

“Say: ‘Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allâh has ordained for us…’” (9:51).

Wednesday August 26^th

8:00 pm

Nothing.

She hasn’t moved all afternoon. I’m used to her kicking throughout the day, especially when I have something sweet. I start to cry uncontrollably; I feel like I can’t breathe.

Maybe she’s just sleeping, and insha’Allah she’ll wake up later, when I lay down.

11:00 pm

I start crying my eyes out.  I knew. My husband calms me down and convinces me to get some sleep; we would go to the hospital first thing in the morning.

Although it’s not something I was conscious of, my views on having a family were very ‘American.’ I wanted to finish school, work for a year or two, and then maybe I would think about it. It took the better part of my first trimester to get over the fact that I was pregnant. I thought I had my life planned out. I thought I knew what I wanted.

Thursday August 27^th

11:00 am

“Hassan!”

I immediately got up and followed the midwife into the ward. She asks me what is wrong. I tell her that the baby hasn’t kicked for 24 hours. Without taking her eyes off my record she tells me to have some cold water.

“That always gets them going.”

I wait five minutes and still, nothing. The midwife tells me to have a seat; she will call me. I remembered Mom telling me that when she was having my brother he slept for twenty-four hours straight and scared her to death. She’s probably just sleeping.

Insha’Allah nothing bad will come out of this. I’m probably just panicking for no reason. Insha’Allah there is nothing to worry about.

My name is called, and a senior midwife ushers me into an examination room. She begins to search for the heartbeat. In the adjacent room I can hear someone hooked up to a monitor; a constant little heartbeat echoes in the ward. At that point in time, there was no sound more beloved to me than hearing my baby’s heart.

She searches for about four minutes. My eyes began to swell with tears as I follow her instructions to breathe in and then out.

She turns to me and asks how long it’s been since I felt the kicking. When I tell her, she asks why I hadn’t come in yesterday. I begin to tell her that I figured… She abruptly cuts me off, saying: “With a baby we don’t figure – we don’t take chances.”

She asks me to wait there and leaves the room. I begin to cry again. Now, all I want to know is that my baby is alive. I’m supposed to be a mommy. I’ve mentally prepared myself for this. This is the most important job I will ever have.

I am escorted into the exact room I had been in just two weeks ago. In fact, the same technician that handled my five-month sonogram greets me. I am sure, but I am hoping with all my heart that I’m wrong.

In a matter of seconds and with a few clicks of the scanner, she confirms the thought that has been haunting me for the last day and a half.

“I’m so sorry, love.”

I started sniffling and try to hold back tears. “What happens now?”

We are taken to a small empty room with a window and two chairs. We sit quietly and after I cry some more, I call my Mom and tell her the news. She is distraught, in sheer disbelief. I feel her pain; she is helpless, all the way across the Atlantic.

“You’re a Mom, and no one can take that away from you.”

Her words resonate in my mind. I sit still, and stare out the window.

Sunday August 30^th

6:20 pm

Sajdah M. Othman was delivered at five and a half months; she weighed 1 pound, 6 ounces. She was small and still. There was a peace about her. I held her for a little under fifteen minutes, and then she was whisked away by the midwife.

All the insha’Allahs in every other sentence. Every other thought. Muslims tend to sprinkle their conversation with religious words, but it wasn’t like that. I knew of the story in Surat Al-Kahf, when the Prophet (peace be upon him) did not say it, and revelation was withheld for a little while. The verse was sent down as a reminder to say “insha’Allah” so I was adamant on remembering to say it. I hadn’t, however, fully internalized what it meant. Not until now.

This was my reminder that Allah has ultimate control over our affairs. We can try and plan and make decisions to the best of our abilities.  In the end, it is Allah that wills it or not. Insha’Allah isn’t some magic word, that when said, things have to occur. It means exactly what it says: “If Allah wills it.”

This is what He willed.

I accept that.

I considered calling this post ‘Losing Sajdah,’ but when I thought about it in its proper context, she is one of the only things saved for the hereafter, while most else in this world is to be lost.