By Hiba Khan

We all have them. Days and nights, perhaps weeks and months even, during which we feel disillusioned, dejected, numb. When that flame of spirituality and inspiration seems to have been put out, when we can no longer seem to see God and His miracles and gifts in the mundane struggle that life has become. No matter how much we pray, we remain with heavy loads and heavy hearts, and circumstances do not shift despite the desperate du`a’ (prayers).

In his book, The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis refers to these periods of ‘dryness and dullness’ as ‘troughs’; as fluctuations in the human state that are natural and can be our making as believers, or our breaking. Written from the viewpoint of a Senior Devil providing counsel and advice to a Junior Devil, there is much profound insight to be received from Lewis’ work.

‘It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in a state of dryness are those which please Him best.

He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even with their stumbles. Our cause [the devil’s] is never in more danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending to do God’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.’

We learn how the Devils will do all they can to subtly exploit us human ‘creatures’ when we are vulnerable, and that these same dreaded periods are incredibly instrumental in God’s ever Wise and Perfect plans for us. Sometimes those prayers that are offered in what feels like perpetual exhaustion, in that anesthetized, seemingly hopeless state, are the most beloved to Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). The abstinence from sin despite the lethargy, the apathy or the sadness, every moment you trudge along the path to Him, Allah (swt) is right there with you, loving you and guiding you, teaching you how to walk though you do not perceive it.

You cannot help a child to learn to walk if you forever hold onto their hand, and on letting go, they may feel scared, wobbly, confused and often fall down a few times. But you let go knowing you are still right there beside them; you have not forsaken the child, and in actual fact, you know that what they are perhaps painfully learning is an incredible gift. In letting go, you are equipping them with what they need to travel thousands of miles further than they ever could with you pulling them along.

You may not be tasting the emotional sweetness or sparks of spiritual awakening as you once did, you may be disheartened and plain fed up. But so long as you continue to walk towards Him, know that He is pleased with you. There may be points where your pace is slow, or where you can only crawl, but He has not forsaken you. Quite the contrary, so long as you are obeying Him in sincere earnestness, His love for you is beyond your comprehension. When the instant gratification and motivation of a spiritual high is no longer there, but you continue to call Him, you are ascending. Higher and higher. Even the best of Muslims experience troughs; it is simply part of being human.

In anticipating relief from the Lord of the Worlds, you are worshiping Him. And what a beautiful form of worship it is. Acknowledgement that all help comes from Him alone, hope for His unending mercy and trust in His timing and design for you. Persevering with a beautiful patience. Do not forget that even as you drag your limp existence along, you are being rewarded for your `ibaadah (worship). You will reap the rewards insha’Allah (God willing), in this life and the next.

Ramadan was a recharge, a storing up of nourishment and sustenance for the year ahead, a cleansing and a return to what is pure and true. We must do everything we can to continue the habits we established and to ascend as we did during those blessed days, but do not slip into thinking that nearness to Allah (swt) manifests solely in a peak period. The emotional and spiritual sweetness you feel is not necessarily directly proportional to how pleased He is with you.

Nothing is permanent. You will exit your trough as certainly as the day leaves us with night and the night leaves us with day. He who gave life to you when you were nothing, He who gives life to the barren earth, will give life once again to your weary heart. Though you perceive it not, know that your steadfastness during exhaustion, your prayers and resilience during the troughs may be the ones Allah (swt) is most pleased with. The times during which you grow the most, and earn His pleasure as He teaches you how to walk.

Do not be fooled into feeling as if you are sinking, away from what is good and away from Allah’s (swt) love; as if ‘that buzz’ is just for Ramadan, like you’ve somehow lost it for good. Instead, promise yourself to do even more. Continue to be steadfast and sincere in your prayers, your dhikr (remembrance of God), your du`a’ and your deeds, and ascend the most beautiful ascension.

By Hiba Khan

From childhood to the moment we leave this earth, we are conditioned to think in the way of the world. A world that is characterised by limits, finite in its very nature. From the colossal star that lights our days, provides the conditions required for life and keeps us circling a steady orbit, to the cells that constitute the bodies we inhabit, everything around us is limited. The sun will one day collapse, just as the matter that makes up our human forms will return to dust. We see boundaries, curbs and confinement, which extend from fossil fuels and the concept of time all the way to our own self-imposed structures. It is only ever physically possible for a certain number of us to get into university or get a job, regardless of aptitude and potential. It struck me as a young child that the only instance in which we are not faced with a cut-off, where competition is not defined by a fixed number of spaces and positions, is Jannah (Paradise). There will be no disappointment because you were not within the 60,000 person cut-off mark; we are not racing against one another because the palaces might run out before we make it. With Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) there are no limits, because He is limitless.

There are no frontiers or caps where He is concerned, a concept our minds can never truly comprehend because they themselves are built with limits. What we tend to forget however is that our souls and our spiritual hearts, the essence of what we are, belong to another realm; the realm of their Lord, which is infinite, absolute, eternal and illimitable. Our non-physical aspects therefore cannot be categorised and condemned to the nature of this world. Allah’s (swt) love for us is boundless, His mercy is without beginning or end, and it is from this nature that the concept of un-conditionality arises. Our souls, in their divine essence, can be vessels for this boundless mercy and love if He so wills it.

Imagine a tap whose source is a lake. Water will flow from the tap so long as there is water in the lake, perhaps for days, perhaps for weeks, until the lake runs dry. Now imagine a tap connecting to an ocean. Water will flow from the tap for years, but eventually, even the mighty ocean will have been drained. However, if there was an infinite water supply, in which every drop of water is replaced instantaneously after being removed, water would flow from the attached tap forever. We all know that the output depends directly on the source. Undeniably, the characteristics of the provider are reflected in what is provided.

We are like the tap: if we connect ourselves to a limited source, however vast, expansive and mighty that source may be, we will one day run dry. Our love and mercy will cease to gush forth as we tire and become worn out. But if our source is infinite and endless, in need of no replenishment or renewal because it is perfect and complete, our souls can truly fulfil their divine potential. Our souls can act as vessels for the most beautiful and pure phenomenon in physical and spiritual existence. If we connect ourselves wholly and securely to Allah (swt), only then are we able to channel love and mercy unconditionally to others.

We must free ourselves from the shackles of how we have been programmed to think in this world. Stop applying imperfect, narrowed limitations and restrictions to things that are above any bounds. Make Him the sole source and reason for our loving and giving, and there will be no reason to hold back, to be fearful or cautious of what we give to the souls intertwined in ours. Because it is for Him and from Him, be it kindness with a family member or compassion for a stranger on the street, our hearts will be filled up and content. It is for and from He Who rewards, He Who gives without measure, He Whose bounty and praise are all-embracing.

Even when our bodies become one with the earth from which they came, even when the sun’s brilliant burning is no more, all that we gave of love and mercy will remain, true and eternal just like He in Whose name it was dealt forth.

Ramadan is upon us once again. 30 days and nights for restoration, healing, revival and forgiveness. Resuscitation for our choking souls, weak and feverish as we have allowed them to become.

Our priorities shift back to what is real and eternal, as we try to establish good habits that will last for the following 11 months. You may be amongst those who have detailed plans on how to squeeze the ajr (reward) out of every second of this blessed time, excitedly waiting to jam pack it with Quran, prayers, and good deeds. Some of us are slightly intimidated, apprehensive perhaps, of how to reconcile our hectic daily lives and relationships with this weighty opportunity. It’s difficult to even know where to start. Others amongst us feel almost apathetic towards Ramadan, ashamed of our indifference or even dread of the exhausting hours. Maybe this stems from unrealistic expectations and targets, the perceived weight of your sins, or that you can simply never ‘connect’, or ‘feel’.

Wherever on this spectrum you find yourself currently, I want you to make a promise. A promise that will transform your existence. Whether you find that fasting and praying taraweeh (late night prayer) stirs your soul, or that it is merely a tiring ritual procedure, this simple promise will revolutionise your conscious and unconscious state so long as you uphold it.

Promise to take The Lord of the Worlds as your best friend. Take the All Powerful, The Most Loving, The Giver of Peace as your closest and dearest friend. Everyone wants to be close to those who will benefit them in some way. Be it through material possessions, spirituality and goodness, or contacts and popularity, attraction in this way seems to be human nature. In our naivety we forget that He is the only one who gives, in Whose hands is your rizq (providence), your beating heart, and the entire universe and beyond. If any human being appears to benefit you in some way, it is because He allowed it.

This promise is the answer to everything you have ever searched for. The key to the contentment that humanity so fervently craves. And it really truly is that simple. Make Him your everything, and the desire to please Him, the fear of angering Him will follow naturally. The forces that should drive our thoughts and words and actions will be deeply embedded into our minds and hearts, not to mention the inexplicable peace, comfort, and warmth that you will find in the deepest darkest crevices of your being, that only He can give.

The first step in this journey is one you can take this very second. Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) is with you right now, as always. He is aware of the subtleties of your thoughts and emotions, even before they arise. He is waiting for you to turn to Him. Talk to Him. In whatever language you speak, there needs to be no poetry or rhyme, just talk to Him. Stop reading this for a moment, turn your existence away from this world and focus wholly and entirely on Him. Confide in Him. Thank Him. Ask of Him. Tell Him how scared you are, how much you want something. He who is sustaining you, He who has the ability to create from nothing, He who has always been there and always will be. The Guide, The Light, The Compassionate.

‘Remember me and I will remember you.’ Surah Baqarah

Aside from the immense benefits to us, what greater reason, reassurance and honour than to have Allah (swt) remember us?

Talk to Him every minute of your day, walking down the street, at work, at home, weave this pure form of worship, remembrance, into your existence until you feel the change. And have no doubt that it will come. This Ramadan, promise to tell Him everything, to ask Him for everything, to talk to Him with every step you take. The most beautiful part of it is that He tells us in a hadith qudsi (narration);

“Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you.”

All you have to do is take that one step, and The Lord of the Worlds will come towards you at speed. Make Him your purpose, your Love, your confidante, your comfort, and all else will fall into place. Your relationships, your livelihood, your contentment—if you follow Allah (swt), all else will follow you. Your pangs of hunger will take on a new sweetness, and taraweeh will be a nourishing and awaited experience once Allah (swt) is your best friend.

Alongside speaking to Him constantly, take the time and effort to learn about Him. In order to truly love Him and be close to Him, we must know Him. His 99 names were revealed to decorate our hearts, not just our walls. Research 4 names a day, reflect on the meaning for you, your life and your relationship with Him, and by the end of the month you will insha’ Allah (God willing) have reached a level of closeness that you never knew was possible.

May Allah (swt) make our voices familiar and beloved to Him and His angels, just as Prophet Yunus’ was. May He soften our hearts, and fill them with His remembrance and the tranquility only He can give. May He make this month a means for us to gain His pleasure, and make the day that we leave this world and meet our best friend, the most beautiful day of our lives.

This morning I saw a wasp on my patio, exhausted and weak from relentlessly buzzing in circles, no doubt seeking plants, flowers and home. But tracing the same paths back and forth, again and again, had left it frustrated and trapped on the concrete; a self-made prison. After a few minutes, it snapped out of this trance and veered left discovering a dying potted plant on the patio floor. No doubt it was delighted with its discovery; even a single wilting and diseased flower felt lavish and verdant in comparison to the seemingly endless tiles on the ground. My heart went out to the little creature and I knew it would be far happier and better off at the back of the garden, where there are beautiful wildflowers, roses and lavender, and where the other wasps and bees live. I did not know how this one had managed to stray so far from home, but I had no doubt whatsoever that it would not survive on this rotten plant on the patio.

I tried to encourage it off the sickly flower with a couple of leaves, intending to carry it to the lush greenery further back, but it would not cooperate. This was understandable. It had finally found respite from the harsh slabs of flooring, after much frustration and toil, and now it was being forced away. It struggled and fought with all its little body had left to remain with its prize. Each time I tried to pry it onto my leaf it would scramble away, and eventually tried to hide.

I wished I could communicate with the wasp to explain my intention; to tell it to trust me, because I could see much further. I was taking it to a better place, that I knew it would thank me for. I wanted it to know that there was abundance, beauty, sustenance and far more hope if it would only surrender and climb aboard.

The wasp reminded me of myself not too long ago; short-sighted, fearful of vulnerability and uncertainty. Content to settle for what seemed like the safer, easier option because I was paralysed by fear of what potentially lay ahead. Eventually, the wasp gave in and sat still on the leaf while I took it and set it down amongst its family, in what was a paradise compared to my patio. It must have been annoyed, terrified and confused. It may have cried, trembled or even felt despairing at points along the walk to the back of the garden, but it came nonetheless. In the end, it was gently given more than its tiny mind could have ever imagined. All because it trusted, hoped and let me carry it there.

We are told constantly to place our trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). With every prayer, we affirm our reliance; but how many of us fully and truly submit and surrender, in utter hope and certainty that He can see further than us and He knows better? He is perfect, merciful and knows of all the metaphorical gardens we may be seeking, in this life and the next. He never empties our hands of anything except in His infinite wisdom, to replace it with something better. We are short-sighted; we can only see the flower we are currently on, and often cannot fathom the beauty He may be pushing us towards instead.

“And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him.” (Qur’an 65:3)

May we all be granted the courage and guidance to be freed from the shackles of fear and doubt, and to trust and rely wholly on the All-Powerful, the All-Wise, the All-Compassionate.

Photo: Ares Nguyen

by Hiba Khan

I am easily distracted. This trait was a hindrance throughout my academic studies, but no doubt the area in which it is most detrimental is my worship. My daily prayers are plagued by thoughts that creep into my consciousness and silently grip my mind and heart, steering them away from Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). Be it the pattern on my prayer mat or a task I have to do, there is always something diverting me from the most important moments of my day.

I write this as a reminder to myself, on attempting to rescue my salah (ritual prayers), a most exquisite and sublime gift from Allah (swt). A nourishment, rejuvenation and refocusing for our souls, and the first thing we will be asked about on the Day of Judgement. These windows of tranquillity have the potential to adorn our days and sustain, protect and fill our hearts amidst the transient whirlwind that is this world. We hear of people finishing one salah only to look forward to the next one, so why does prayer feel so heavy, ritualised and burdensome for so many of us? With each rising sun we witness comes a new God-given opportunity to reform our existence, to attain that contentment that every soul in this world is yearning. Don’t let another golden moment slip by. I pray He allows us to rescue our salah and fall in love with it until we enter Jannah (eternal Paradise).

The first step to take is to correct our mindset. A simple realignment of perspective is all it takes. You are not in control of anything. Your job, your happiness, your health, your family, your movements—you are not even in control of the simplest of bodily functions. He is. The beating of your heart, how people behave towards you, what you achieve—everything is from Him. He knows what is in your past and what is in your future. All honour, respect and sustenance are from Him. You are deaf, dumb and blind without Him and His provision and guidance. Everything around you is temporary, flawed and changing, but your soul is eternal, and does not belong here. One day it will all crumble and perish; only He will remain. Turn yourself away from the world and towards Him, close your eyes to the creation and open your heart to the Creator.  He has ordered us to prostrate to Him as a mercy only to us; each prayer is an opportunity to be forgiven.

Abu Dharr radi Allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet ﷺ

said: “Allah faces the slave while he is in the salah and keeps facing him as long as he does not turn. If [the slave] turns, [Allah] turns away from him.” – Abu Dawud [Saheeh Hadith]

Reflect on the sheer weight of this hadith. The Lord of the Worlds, who is aware of and sustaining every cell in every human, animal and bacteria, from the beginning of time to the end, is facing YOU. Listening to you, waiting for you to call, looking to forgive and to grant you more. You have His full attention until YOU lose focus.

The light in your life is proportional to the light that Allah (swt) bestows on you. You will only be content and at peace if He illuminates your existence. Your circumstances may appear perfect, but you will be restless and unhappy if He withholds His light. Once we truly comprehend this principle and realise we are nothing, while He is everything, insha’Allah (God willing) we can worship like we were made to.

Doing the following may help increase khushu` (a state of humility and reverence):

• Remember death. Imagine the angel of death ready to take your soul. Pray like it is your last.
• Picture yourself standing before Allah (swt), and know that He is facing you, hearing and seeing you.
• Understand what you are saying by understand the Arabic and studying the tafseer (exegesis) of whatever you recite.
• Speak and move at a measured pace. Try to recite melodiously.
• Pray on time, and make the sincere intention to never miss a prayer.
• Minimise internal distractions by building your connection with Him throughout the day and taking a few moments before each prayer to regain perspective.
• Minimise external distractions by finding a suitable setting when possible.
• Make du`a’ (supplication) in your own language while in sujood (prostration) and after each salah. What better time to beg Allah (swt) for what you are in need of?

Make the intention right now to rescue your salah and unlock the treasures of tranquillity, nearness and purpose. Embellish your path with prayer, and know that you will thank yourself on the Last Day, when there will be no doubt that a mere two rak`ahs (units) of prayer are worth more than the entire world and all it contains.

The Lord of the Heavens and the Earth awaits you.

“Come to prayer; come to success.” – Adhan (call to prayer)