By Ismail Shaikh

I cried after my first interview. It was June of 2011 and I had finally landed an interview after frantically sending out applications to prospective employers. Job-hunting had been a stressful experience as I began to feel increasingly desperate under both family and financial pressure. So when I received a call to interview on short-term notice, I happily obliged.

Without much time to prepare, I went into the interview feeling very anxious. It was a panel interview and for the first time I experienced what it was like to be “grilled” by management. The short of the long of it – it was a poor interview and the program manager scoffed at my level of preparation. I exited that interview feeling relieved it was over but terribly sad, embarrassed, and fruitlessly hopeless. Still, I adhered to interview protocol and sent a thank-you email to management, sincerely explaining to them what had happened.

Allah, the Most Exalted, is the Best of Planners.

The next week I received a call from human resources for a round two interview. Not wanting to repeat myself, I prepared well and felt relatively calm and confident. A week later, I got the job alhamdulillah (praise be to God).

Since then I have had many interviews in my attempt to climb up the career ladder. With each interview, I can sense myself feeling increasingly confident. This is vastly different than how I started out.

What have I learned from this experience? That there is growth in discomfort, uncertainty and unpredictability.

Of course there is a level of comfort in knowing; to be able to predict with certainty how life events will exactly pan out. But then life would lose purpose with no opportunities for personal, professional, and spiritual growth. I have realized that it is difficult to grow when we are in our comfort zone. Many of us prefer to stay here because we don’t want to experience the stress and anxiety of discomfort. But by doing so, we limit our potential for growth.

For many of us, the anxiety and stress is understandably unbearable. Sadly, too many of us have often been scarred in childhood—emotionally beaten down rather than being built up. Experiences in adulthood are a microcosm of this earlier life where we never truly learnt how to carry discomfort, to manage our anxiety and learn to soothe ourselves while moving through life. Consequently, we find safety in avoidance.

It is easy to forget that once upon a time, in our attempts to walk and run as toddlers, we had to embrace falling and bruising ourselves. Instead, the relationship many of us have with our discomforts, as a result of trials and tribulations, uncertainty and unpredictability, is negative. Rather than viewing them as windows for opportunity, we fall into hopelessness and despair.

However, the idea of growth through discomfort is not novel. Fourteen hundred years ago, the concept was revealed in the Qur’an, where Allah, the Most Exalted, says, “With difficulty comes ease,” (Qur’an 94:6). Hence, facing discomfort in this life is inevitable; what is important is how we view this discomfort and respond to it. If a moment of discomfort for a believer brings them closer to Allah, is that not a sign of growth? It is essential to also mention here that Allah will never burden you with more than you can handle, as taught to us in the Qur’an when Allah says, “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur’an 2:286).

The reality is that we need to embrace our healthy share of uncomfortable experiences in this life. A simple but effective way of doing this is finding one thing in life that makes us a little anxious and embracing it. For instance, maybe someone is socially anxious and has difficulty having conversations with people. If this is something they want to change, a starting point could be greeting at least one person at the local mosque or in the neighborhood. This is not done with the hope of having a positive outcome (as this may not happen). Rather, the idea is to embrace the discomfort that comes with stepping out of the comfort zone for a moment. With time, the discomfort faced will, God willing, pave the way for learning, reflection, and growth.

Why We Love Shazia

Shazia is an amazing member of our WebbCommunity for many reasons. Perhaps her most distinctive trait is her wonderfully fluid, elegant writing style—even her emails read like poetry! As editors, she makes our job easy. Her warm writing voice and impeccable adab (character) are refreshing and enlightening. Whenever we read her emails, we walk away reinvigorated by her grace and warmth. She truly brings coolness to our eyes.

When Shazia sets her mind to doing something, she always finds a way to accomplish it. She is continuously suggesting cool series or articles and then making it happen by working with the rest of the website team. Some of our best series have come from her hard work. It goes without saying that, in order to do this, she is super-organized and always on top of things. When working online, these traits are crucial. Thank you, Sr. Shazia, for always being an amazing example of what it means to be an online Islamic worker!

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The following interview with Shazia Ahmad was conducted by the WebbEditors.

On VirtualMosque.com, what do you write about and why those topics?

I’ve written mostly on spirituality, women and women’s issues, and usul al-fiqh [Islamic legal methodology]. Why these topics? Spirituality and nurturing our relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) is such an important topic that I don’t think enough can be said about it. I think it’s something particularly important to focus on in our times, when our discourse often gets overwhelmed with debates on the details of rulings, especially the Five Famous M’s—mawlids [birthdays], madhabs [schools of thought], moon-sighting, music and meat. 🙂

As for talking about women, I think our community really needs to discuss and explore ideas related to Muslim women in serious depth. We often hear the same anecdotal stories and narrations about women and women’s rights in Islam, but are sometimes lacking in real, insightful research into topics from a perspective that balances faithfulness to sacred law with a consideration of modern-day realities.

Finally, usul al-fiqh is a subject that has always captured me, and that really gives me an appreciation for the beauty of Shari`ah and the mastery of our scholars, so I love trying to share that with others.

Where do you live, where are you from originally and what’s your family background?

I currently live in Cairo, Egypt with my husband and three year old son.  I was born and raised in upstate New York, though my family is originally from India.  I’m the youngest of four kids.  Everyone in my family is very attached to Islam, alhamdulillah  (all praise be to God), though they each have unique views when it comes to practice and methodology, so it always makes for some interesting discussions and debates around the dinner table!

How did you get involved with VirtualMosque.com? What positive feedback/experiences have you had and what do you hope to accomplish with your writing now?

We moved to Cairo after living in Damascus for about two years, and it was in Cairo that I first met and studied with Imam Suhaib Webb.  I was very inspired by his evident sincerity and his teachings, which emphasized making Islam relevant and approachable while staying true to its legal dimensions and rulings.  This balance is such a unique find, when many people fall into a progressive laxity or a stifling rigidity that does not give Islam the proper grounding to grow in people’s hearts and lives.

I had written one or two short translations in my first few months in Cairo, which Imam Suhaib posted on his blog.  This was at the time when the blog had some amazing posts but would often make me think, “If only they had an editor!”  Shortly thereafter a number of people became involved in VirtualMosque.com to make it a more organized endeavor and I was asked formally to become a writer for the site.

Alhamdulillah, my involvement with VirtualMosque.com has been a real blessing, and I feel that it has given me a chance to grow both in terms of thinking (through discussions with the other Authors) as well as in writing.  My writing before this had been relatively informal (mostly reflections, poetry etc), so trying to write proper articles and convey what I want to say on a more rational rather than emotional basis has certainly been a learning experience.

Do you have an interesting anecdote, personal story or similar trivia that you’d like our readers to know about?

It’s always interesting and somewhat humbling to meet someone who says, “I read one of your articles!”  But I’ve also gotten credit for things I haven’t written—especially since there is a scholar who writes for SunniPath with my same name—Shazia Ahmad.  I often have to clarify that I am not that erudite and obviously very learned sister, though I hope that any supplications made for “Sr. Shazia” can be shared between us. 🙂

Which of your articles do you feel have been the most influential?

The article that I’ve received the most personal responses to was the Q&A “Taking Off the Hijab”.  I had a number of sisters tell me that they found it encouraging at a difficult time in their spiritual path.  I ask that Allah accept from us and make anything we write a means of reward for us on the Day of Judgment.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?

This is not very exciting, but it would probably be to sleep and multitask at the same time! I’m sure all parents want this superpower considering how sleep deprived one can get with a little one at home.  It would be great if I could sleep and check my email, read a book, make cookies, do laundry and write my next VirtualMosque.com article all at the same time.

If you could hang out with a person from history who is not a religious or Islamic figure, who would it be and why?

Most of the literary figures I admire were amazingly talented but had pretty tragic lives.  This probably made their writing all the more poignant and beautiful, but I’m not sure how fun it would be to spend time with them 🙂  I guess I would say Charlotte Bronte (author of Jane Eyre) and her sisters.  My sister and I always joke that we are like the Bronte sisters with me being more like Charlotte, who wrote the darker more twisted stuff.  So it would be interesting to meet (and maybe collaborate?) with them.

“This is `Adel from Studio Arabiya Support,” said a voice through my computer. I introduced myself, and then he proceeded to ask me questions about my knowledge of Arabic (minimal, in case you were wondering). We scheduled my classes; I would simply log in and my Arabic instructor would contact me to begin our first class.

That day, I was a little hesitant as I logged into Skype (learning online? I wasn’t so sure). But I needn’t have worried. My instructor was friendly and cheerful, overcoming the initial awkwardness I felt and engaging my interest in the material. We connected right off the bat, and after that, it was smooth sailing.

And it all started with John and Stacy Graff, two of the founders of StudioArabiya.com, a website dedicated to teaming the best of instructors with the best of course materials for students who can’t go overseas.

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Stacy: Let me give you just a little bit of background on us and how we got started and you can take it from there.

My husband John (Yahya) Graff and I have been in Cairo studying Arabic and he has continued his studies to Al Azhar University. Throughout the years that we’ve been here, we’ve recognized the interest from others in the West to study as we have, however for most people, getting up and moving overseas is not feasible.

We started Studio Arabiya in May of last year as a means of helping to connect qualified teachers of Arabic and Quran here in Egypt with potential students in the West. We bring the Egypt Arabic Center ‘markaz’ system to online students, so that they, too, get the opportunity to study with Arabic specialists and Qur’an teachers.

To continue on the topic of background, what prompted the idea to connect students and teachers online? You’ve mentioned the latest interest of the students in the West and the qualifications of the teachers in Egypt, but learning Arabic and Qur’an online– and I understand you use Skype to simulate the learning experience–seems to be a novel idea.

John: I have actually been involved in teaching online as far back as 2007 while I was an Arabic student in Cairo.  I began by simply acquainting my Arabic teacher with the idea of teaching his current students through the Internet. I got him set up on Skype and showed him the ropes.  In the beginning, this was merely for the sake of my teacher to teach myself and other students through the Internet.  This new phenomenon (learning Arabic Online) then quickly gained popularity amongst both students in the west and with teachers in Egypt until it became quite clear to me that it needed to be expanded and organized on a much larger scale.   In the beginning of 2011, all the puzzle pieces began to fit together to where we could launch a full and comprehensive program with Studio Arabiya.  Launching Studio Arabiya took a lot of time and brainstorming.  My wife and I, along with our good friend and co-partner, Muhammad, spent a lot of time developing the best system for our online program.  We wanted to model it after the Arabic center system that we’ve studied under here in Egypt, after we saw how effective it has helped us to learn and become fluent in the language.

Can you share with us any stories about launching Studio Arabiya or signing up your first teachers? What challenges did you face? 

John: Our first interview with teachers was interesting.  We held a large interview, where 40 or 50 teachers showed up to apply.  We hold high standards for our teachers and in the end of this interview we only accepted 2 to work with us.  We have found this to be one of our biggest challenges.  There are a lot of great teachers here in Egypt, it takes a lot of weeding through to find the gems.

You say you were involved in teaching online as far back as 2007; was this in the capacity of teacher or student, and what was your subject? I can see your experience was a positive one.

John: I began getting involved in the teaching online idea when we took a one-year break from school a few years ago.  I wanted to continue with my Arabic studies online with my teacher, so before we left Egypt, I taught my teacher how to work Skype, and we continued our regular weekly lessons online.  At the time, I was preparing for my first year at Al-Azhar University, so we studied more advanced Arabic studies as well as the first year Azhar curriculum.
Since I began the online studies with my teacher, it was always in the back of my mind to make it more available for others in the West that wanted to study Arabic and Qur’an from teachers like whom I had studied with.  Life and school kept us too busy to start anything official. So at the time Iset up my personal teacher with a few of my friends in the U.S.  One of whom—a convert like us—started as an Arabic student in level 1 and after only 7 months of part-time classes through Skype, he and I were able to carry-on a 30-minute conversation, only speaking in Arabic.  He obtained all the same skills and successes that other students (of our Shaykh) achieved by coming to Egypt and in the same amount of time without even setting foot in the country.  So the benefits and viability to learn online became obvious to us and we started brainstorming how to offer this khayr (good) on a much larger scale.  Finally, last year, a few months after we had our second child, we decided to get it started officially.

What exactly were the puzzle pieces you had to put together before launching?

Can you tell us about the system the three of you developed for Studio Arabiya?

Stacy: Egypt is known for their Markaz model of teaching Arabic to non-native speakers.  This is the same model that countless non-Arabic scholars, Azharis, and others have gone through and testified to its affordability and superiority over other models.  The only shortcoming of this model – where students get to learn one-on-one with an experienced certified Arabic teacher – is that it wasn’t very accessible.  Really, how many people can drop everything they’re doing, travel overseas and live for months in an overly crowded foreign country to study Arabic? And not to mention, rarely do children have the chance to come to benefit from the independent personal attention that this model has to offer, which they most certainly need.  We wanted Studio Arabiya to be an online version of that system wherein we perfect the model and assure the quality of each teacher.  By the use of Skype, an electronic whiteboard, and various media aides – we offer students a virtual classroom where they can meet with their personal tutor, one-on-one every day to learn Arabic or Qur’an.  This allows that Egyptian Markaz system to be accessible to the rest of the world.

John mentioned that one of your biggest challenges is finding teachers, although many apply. What are your qualifications for teachers? What makes this such a challenge for Studio Arabiya?

Stacy and John: The qualification for our Arabic teachers is that they have all graduated with higher degrees in the Arabic Language from Universities such as Al Azhar and Dar al-Uloom.  Our Qur’an teachers must be a hafiz (a person who has memorized the Qur’an) and hold an ijaazah (certification), as well as they must speak sufficient English to communicate at the basic level with our students.  Since their duty as teachers is greater than just conveying knowledge, they must additionally be role models that portray a good Islamic character such as honesty and patience.  Those who require additional experience or abilities such as speaking English are initially required to complete our specialized training course, which we have crafted ourselves.

We have had hundreds of applicants to teach for us since we began and on average, we can only accept about 1 out of every 25 applicants, due to our high standards.  For our Qur’an teachers, if they meet our initial requirements, they then meet with and read for Shaykh Ali, a highly sought after Qur’an teacher among the students (who was one of Suhaib’s teachers) here in Egypt.  Shaykh Ali tests them on their Qur’an reading, tajweed (rules of recitation), etc., and determines whether they are really qualified to teach Qur’an to our students.

For our Arabic applicants, we administer a test on both Arabic content and one that determines a potential teacher’s flexibility, Arabic cultural awareness, personality, how to deal with a student, etc. Some come out of university with experience, but we make it mandatory for them to get training. We have had some teachers that have scored very well on their content area, but they had a dry, impersonal, unenthusiastic manner. Much of the time, our training course really turns that around and infuses those who pass the content area exam with an energy and enthusiasm for the teaching aspect.  And they have had great feedback from students—it’s created a totally different person than the one that came in with just strong Arabic or Qur’an.

Subhanallah (glory be to God), it sounds like the Markaz system is working really well for you. Can you expand on the Markaz system? What are its key features and how does it differ from any other system used to learn Arabic?

Stacy and John: In a classroom setting, there are always some students that are ahead of the pack, some that are behind, but with the Markaz system, you get one-on-one learning with your teacher. It’s just you and your teacher, so you take the course at your own pace and there are no other students or distractions that hold you back from achieving your full capacity.

I hadn’t heard of the Markaz system before this interview, so just so I know I got this straight, does it only refer to the one-on-one style of teaching?

Stacy and John: The Markaz systems often teach one-on-one, but they also offer group classes for those that can’t afford one-on-one.  One of the key features of the Markaz style is learning Arabic through the Arabic language with a Native speaker who specializes in Arabic, as opposed to the lessons being taught by using English translations or by non-Native speakers, who often don’t have an Arabic degree.  This system has been the dominant and most successful system in the Arab world.  We strive to implement this in our programs, however every student has a different learning style and we do have to adapt our teaching styles for some students, such as children.

So far you’ve mentioned Arabic classes and Qur’an classes. Are these the only two classes you offer?
Stacy and John: Arabic and Qur’an classes are the main courses that we offer.  Our Qur’an classes focus on three areas: reading properly (tajweed), memorization, and review.  The Fus’ha (Classic) and Business Arabic classes cover reading, writing, understanding and speaking, as well as preparing for the understanding of Qur’an.  We have teachers that are trained to teach children and adults, from the beginning levels to the advanced.  For the advanced students, we offer preparatory classes for entering Al-Azhar University.
What can people expect when they register for a class? 

Stacy: After filling out the registration form on our website, www.studioarabiya.com, our management team will contact the student to schedule their evaluation. The evaluation allows us to place them in the correct level and with the best teacher for their needs.  We work out a weekly schedule that works best for the student and they begin their lessons soon after.
What costs do the course fees cover, and how does this compare to what you might find in Egypt?
Stacy and John: The basic tuition covers the private, one-on-one lessons with your teacher.  Our standard rate of $79 per month will allow the student to take lessons 5 days a week for 30 minutes.  We also offer a more intensive schedule, doubling the amount of one-on-one time the students get with the teachers for only $139 per month.

What you find in Egypt differs among the centers.  You’ll find some centers that have really low fees where the quality of the teachers is often poor and you’ll find others (centers that are more well-known among Western students) that charge outrageous fees.  Because we have very low overhead in our operations, we are able to give our teachers higher salaries than even the most expensive centers in Egypt, thus enabling us to hire the highest quality of teachers.  In addition, what sets us apart from these centers is that students don’t have the extra costs of moving to Egypt to get the same quality of education.

What advice do you have for students of Arabic and Qur’an?

John: From my experience, there are 3 factors necessary for success in one-on-one learning of Arabic and Qur’an: the best student, the best teacher, and the best curriculum.  All three need to be present to assure optimal success.

A poor student with lack of motivation, who is studying to please someone else, will not attain success – even if he are she has the best teacher and is studying from the best book ever written on the subject, unless the student changes that which is in his or herself.  Sincerity, the purification of intentions, and then asking for tawfeeq (success) from Allah subahanhu wa ta’ala (Glory to God)  should be present in the student.

Next is to find the best teacher, which means making sure that he or she who is teaching you is a properly trained and an experienced SPECIALIST in the subject you are learning.  Not doing this results in substandard learning, or even learning mistakes costing the unnecessary time and money with both the so-called qualified teacher and then again with the expert specialist to painstakingly correct your mistakes.  For example, teachers who are not native speakers or are native speakers but are not properly trained as a specialist, then quality screened, will often make mistakes in pronunciation.  A mistake in just one letter in Arabic means uncountable mistakes in reading Qur’an, and could even take years for the student to unlearn in their speaking and recitation.

There are many Arabic curricula out there and choosing the best should be a priority.  This is quite difficult for a new student being a layperson who, for the most part, relies on what he or she hears.  Foremost, your Arabic curriculum should cover all foundational aspects of the language, and secondly, it should be proven as the most thorough and effective curriculum by the consensus of educators who have compared and taught all the leading books on the subject.  This will enable you to learn the subject using the most sequential and structured method that exists and to eliminate any weaknesses in your skills that holes in a curriculum cause, thus leading to proficiency and then fluency.

The eloquence, preciseness, depth and vastness of the Arabic language make it (as some say) the most difficult language to master. Therefore I would remind all who wish to dismantle the language filter of translations – those who desire to understand Allah’s words in the language He intended that obtaining proficiency in the language is not a microwave process and doesn’t happen overnight.  It is step-by-step, level-by-level, using a proven process, with sincerity, consistency, and a trusted guide that success in this life for the sake of the next can be obtained. Anything hard can be achieved with Allah. Allah says in the Qur’an:

“And We have certainly made the Qur’an easy for remembrance, so is there any who will remember?” (Qur’an 54:17).

What are some of your short-term and long-term goals for Studio Arabiya?

John: Our goal from the beginning was and will always be to provide an affordable learning experience for those who can’t move overseas to study Arabic or Qur’an with qualified teachers.

What plans do you have for Studio Arabiya now? What areas of the site do you plan to develop, and what effects do you expect?

Stacy: One of the areas we are currently developing and perfecting is the curriculum that we teach for Arabic.  There are so many options out there and we want to offer the best and most beneficial curriculum we can.  We have recently completed our very own beginner’s Arabic Reading book that allows our students to learn to read Arabic at a faster pace, while learning their first words in the language, in which approximately 90% of the words come from the Qur’an.  (Here’s a little more information about our book: http://studioarabiya.com/blog/a-revolutionary-new-way-to-learn-to-read-arabic/)

Is there anything else you’d like our readers to know about Studio Arabiya?

Stacy: We offer a free 1-week trial of classes to every new student, so you can try us out and see if it fits your learning style.  For virtualmosque.com readers, we will also add an additional 5% off the monthly tuition for anyone who uses the promotional code “WEBB05”.

If you’d like more information about Studio Arabiya and the lessons we offer, you can contact us through our website, www.studioarabiya.com, or find us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/StudioArabiya.

Dwell in Tranquility: an Islamic Roadmap to the Vibrant Marriage is aimed at helping Muslims—at any stage in the marriage process— to understand themselves and what they want in their marriage in order to build a strong and loving partnership. The following is an interview with the author, Kamal Shaarawy, who is also the founder of SalaamHearts.com, an online Muslim matching service, and LivingEman.com, for couples preparing for marriage.

Q: How did you get involved in marital counseling?

KS: My background is originally electrical engineering at Al-Azhar University where I studied a dual major, Islamic Studies along with the engineering. But when I came to the United States roughly 35 years ago, I was really attracted to the subject of psychology. Even when I was studying at Al-Azhar, I was often asked for advice because the people knew that I was becoming more knowledgeable about Islam and it was almost like I was counseling people from a young age. So, when I came to the U.S., I finished my masters in psychology and I started to work in the public schools as a behavioral specialist, as a consultant for various school districts. In whatever available time I had I was counseling Muslims. I began to see that so many married couples are suffering in their marriages and in many cases, in my view, they simply were not compatible as husband and wife.

Q: What led you to write Dwell in Tranquility?

The more I counseled Muslim couples the more I focused on the fact that so many had no preparation for marriage. Really this is what led me—the sadness about all these unhappy couples and of damage already present because we don’t have the orientation of prevention—to begin to write this book. Even though most of the Islamic teachings are about prevention and about planning, there are a lot of misconceptions in this area: Put your trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He)—tawakkul (reliance) in Allah—and Allah (swt) will take care of you. But actually, as the hadith (record) tells us, it should be tie your camel and then put your trust in Allah (swt).

But what really woke me up was counseling an Imam and his family. He was complaining that his kids resisted him when he tried to teach them Qur’an and Islamic knowledge. He was a wonderful person and had all the theoretical knowledge necessary to be well-educated about Islam. He had memorized the Qur’an and maybe also memorized Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim; but when it came to translating what he knows theoretically into practical terms, he was unsuccessful. 

Q: You mean translating what he knows so that his children will understand. 

KS: Exactly. In fact, I asked him about the ways the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) used to teach. He said, “Wallahi akhi (By God, brother), I know thirteen different, creative ways the Prophet ﷺ used to teach.  He didn’t lecture people but spoke to them in a way that made them want to listen.  And if he wanted the attention of the people, he would say, “May I tell you something? Shall I tell you something better, so-and-so?” But the Imam admitted that when he tried to teach his children, he would neglect all that wisdom and approach them in a way that pushed them away and alienated them. So in Dwell in Tranquility I focus a lot on practical steps the reader can take to translate the knowledge and information into daily living.

Q: So how did you conduct the research for this book? You had a team of researchers, or…?

KS: Yes, we had about four researchers. I wrote an outline of about 5-6 pages of what was needed to include in this book.  Some of the research topics were questions like what is the definition of love, what does Islam say about jealousy, or how do mental health issues affect marriage. The researchers were to scour books, articles, and research studies. After all the research was summarized and put together in a first draft, we had roughly 500 pages which were reduced down to the final 300 and some odd number of pages.

Q: Were the articles all research that’s been done in the West? Or did this also include Islamic articles?

KS: We had an imam—alhamdulillah— who was the consultant on issues of Islamic knowledge; on divorce, on any Islamic concept, we consulted him. We used both Islamic and Western knowledge and sources.

Q: So you researched the question, and, to top off the professional research, you have stories to exemplify the situations. Right?

KS: Yes, and let me give you an example. On the topic of jealousy so many people are confused and this includes professors of psychology and working psychologists.  At one point I asked my colleagues and, like most others, they perceive jealousy always as something negative. In fact, there are types of jealousy. The Qur’an is the guidance, making us understand jealousy in the right way; and according also to the hadith (record of the words of the Prophet ﷺ) there are types of jealousy that Allah (swt) dislikes. That type of jealousy is when there is no basis for an individual to entertain those thoughts and feelings. Yet, the Prophet ﷺ said, “I am a jealous man.” And those who don’t get jealous, he described them as not normal.  And this really anchors us in our understanding. The West does not really understand the positive side of jealousy and how it ensures that both husband and wife stay committed to the relationship and careful to protect its sanctity. We need to protect our homes. We need to protect our spouses, which is exactly what Islam teaches us. The negative type of jealousy is one which is based on suspicion and extreme possessiveness which translates into a desire and a need to control. This is not healthy.

Let me give you another example. At the beginning of my career, psychologists would advise clients that when you feel angry, you should punch a pillow or throw something, or break dishes. Just get your anger out. But according to Islam, you don’t do that. You need to control your anger and channel it in healthy ways. And here is amazing thing—now finally they realize that indulging in anger, venting anger, actually strengthens the neural pathways in the brain. This demonstrates the beauty and wisdom of Islam. And I appreciate this because, as human beings, our knowledge is limited.

Q; So what do you see as differentiating your book on marriage from other books out there? I know there are some others that are written from an Islamic perspective.

KS: I’ll share with you two examples why this book is different. One because the book is based on my experience in the trenches, and all the anecdotes support the theory and practical information presented in the book. And secondly, it is based on the research of the most up-to-date information and studies. This includes the issue of compatibility when a man and woman are considering marriage. When I do pre-marital training with a couple, they complete a compatibility questionnaire with 177 questions.  We considered including the questionnaire in the book but it would have made it just too long and also the reader(s) would have no way of scoring it. That is how the idea for the matching website, SalaamHearts.com, came about.  The compatibility questionnaire is used on the site to determine compatibility for potential matches. But getting back to the book, there are many exercises and action pages for the reader to use to acquire better knowledge of him or her self as well as to help understand if a potential match would be compatible.

Q: Who is your target audience? Is it specifically Muslims, or is it a specific segment of the Muslim community? Who do you expect and want to read this book?

KS: The primary audience are those who are getting ready for marriage.  However, we included many chapters that apply to married couples. It is an interesting point that the imams in Malaysia will not oversee any marriage contract unless the couple goes through pre-marital training about the Islamic rights and responsibilities, about the fiqh (jurisprudence) of marriage in Islam, about communication, and so on. When I heard that, I said, “Masha’allah! (What God wills!)”  Imagine if all imams followed this policy. We keep passing dysfunction from generation to generation and we included in the book a whole section about the family of origin and how it can positively or negatively affect the children in that family. So many people are not aware that the issues they have that come from their family of origin will affect their marriage. Because you know, the early child programming really impacts us deeply and only by becoming aware of that programming and using our God-given resources of intellect and will can we begin to change for the better and to heal ourselves.

Q: What were some of the initial reactions to the book when it came out?

KS: We gave the book to 15 brothers and sisters to review. One of them was Sheikh Suhaib. Others included Imam Zaid Shakir, Shaikh Hamza Yusuf, and three or four other imams. I wanted to make sure that there was nothing included that was Islamically wrong.  One sister said, “We enjoyed the stories so much; they really brought the information down to a real life level.” Another one said that he loved the approach, that we have the Islamic principles, the Islamic concepts there and side by side with the scientific research and Western ideas. The combining of Islamic knowledge with the Western research in psychology—people are fascinated by that.

Q: So how can people purchase the book?

KS: They can order it from SalaamHearts.com or www.LivingEman.com. They can also order it from various Islamic bookstores.

Q: Are there any other books or resources you’d recommend to people who are interested in the topic of marriage?

KS: The book by Br. Bashir, Blissful Marriage, is very good. From the Western books, there’s a book called Why Marriages Fail or Succeed by John Gottman. I would recommend these two books, in addition, of course, to Dwell in Tranquility.

Q: Yes, of course.

KS: And let me just share one last point. I describe my role today as a firefighter.  I am just running around trying to extinguish fires.  But that is not effective. We have to be proactive so that we don’t end up with fires of conflict and misery in marriages and families. But what we have been doing for so long is addressing the damage that has already taken place in families. And this is really not the Islamic way. We need instead to work on prevention and making sure that our young people are fully prepared for marriage. Dwell in Tranquility, insha’Allah, makes a contribution to that endeavor.

Below is a preview of the topics covered in Dwell in Tranquility. You can find out more about the book here.

• Why is Marriage Important?
• Self-Understanding is Crucial to Success in Marriage
• Marriage, Love, and Intimacy
• The Islamic Rights and Responsibilities of Spouses
• An Islamic Roadmap to the Selection Process
• Pinpoint the Negative Influences of the Past
• Identify Negative Habits
• The Unhealthy Marriage Model
• The Islamic Model of Marriage
• Foundational Skills for a Healthy and Blissful Marriage
• Essential Skills for a Vibrant and Successful Marriage
• Marriage Q&A

1.       When did you start writing poetry?

The first time I started writing anything was in college. I would scribble in my notebook about how I didn’t want to be in a certain class (calculus for example).  I appreciated poetry before but it was limited to reading.

2.       How do you encourage others to  experiment with and develop their creative talents?

My advice would be to highlight what makes you special and not what makes you ordinary.  I’d always be disappointed when I’d hear a Muslim artist talking along the same lines as the non Muslims, about the same superficial things. It’s the syndrome that everyone is talking about how they want to be different but really acting the same.  What makes us special is Islam. When we highlight, it we shine because all we’re doing is reflecting off of its light

3.       Who are some poets you appreciate?

My favorite poet is Al-Mutanabi.  He was a complicated character who could be arrogant and selfish at times but my favorite is when he was introspective.  The richness of the language he uses with the depth of meaning makes him stand out for sure.  I also like Robert Frost, William Wordsworth, and Abu Nawaas.

4.       What do you think about the Islamic legacy of poetry?

Our legacy is very rich in poetry.  It has been used by the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) via the talents of his companions in spreading the message, raising their moral, expressing their emotions, and even intimidating enemies in battle, such as done by Ali at the Battle of Khaibar.

5.       What is your creative technique? What are some resources you use when writing?

If I’m writing original material in English, I don’t use much.  It’s usually as I’m walking or taking the train that verses pop into my head. I used to not write them down until a friend convinced me that “every line is worth saving, you never know when you might use it.” So I became better at saving material.  If I’m translating material it’s more of an artificial process, so I’ll use thesaurus.com to find similar words, as well as rhymezone.com to try to figure out how to possibly mold the meaning of the text I am translating into a rhyming scheme in English.

6.       Why did you decide to go public with your work? Are you afraid of criticism?

The “Jannah” poem is a poem I wrote almost six years ago.  I had written it as a response to a video made by a sister on the same topic.  People began to pass it around and enjoyed it. I would recite it at certain events, as well as other poems that I had written.  I don’t think fear of criticism was a factor as a person will always be criticized but lack of confidence in that I had something of worth to share.  It’s like, “who do you think YOU ARE to…” syndrome.

7.       Do you have a favorite poem?

My favorite poem is “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe.  The rhyme scheme is incredible, especially to keep it going throughout the entire poem. The language is extremely visual and the content shows that the man was crazy!  If I ever write anything similar to that poem, I’ll retire insha’Allah.

8.       What role do you believe poetry (and to a larger extent, the arts) plays in the Muslim community?

The arts are a tool, like any other, to a means.  I believe that they can play a very important role in communicating the message of Islam to the Muslim and non Muslim community alike, as well as humanizing our communities, giving them faces and voices, as captured by our artists.

9.       Any final words for the readers?

Jazakum Allah khayran for reading.  I hope you enjoy the poem and may Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) allow us to experience what no eye has seen, nor ear has heard, and has not been conjured up by the imagination of any heart.

Zeba Khan is a writer and new media consultant for nonprofits. In 2009, Zeba was the first runner-up in the Washington Post’s “America’s Next Great Pundit” competition, beating out nearly 5000 other aspiring writers. Zeba has written in numerous media outlets, including the Huffington Post and the Washington Post.  As a social media consultant, Zeba created the online grassroots community for The List Project to Resettle Iraqi Allies, a nonprofit that aims to help U.S.-affiliated Iraqis successfully resettle in the U.S. and has also consulted with the Ashoka Foundation to help develop their first-ever global virtual campaign to incubate young social entrepreneurs worldwide.  A Fulbright Scholar, Zeba received a Master’s degree from the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy and a joint MA/BA from the University of Chicago.

Recently, VirtualMosque.com interviewed Zeba about her work as a journalist, as well as the role Muslim-Americans have to play in the ever-changing media.

VM: The past few months have been quite a publicity heyday for you in that your name has topped the landscape of Muslim-American journalism through the Washington Post competition. What are your reflections regarding this accession?

Zeba Khan: As a newcomer to public commentary, if my name topped the Muslim-American journalism landscape, that only points to the fact that we are heavily underrepresented in the field. There are definitely other Muslim-American writers/journalists who have been in the field much longer than I have who have made significant contributions to the field as a whole. It just so happens that I was in a contest that required a get-out-the-vote campaign, so my name received a lot of attention for a couple of months as folks pushed me forward through each round.

The contest was a great opportunity for me to explore public writing and to receive feedback from the editors of one of the nation’s top newspapers. I couldn’t have asked for a better education in op-ed writing.

VM: Your concentration on issues pertaining to the image of Islam in America is vastly admired yet a rather neglected concentration among the national population of professional journalists. How would you describe the progress of this particular field since you began journalism?

ZK: I actually wouldn’t say I have concentrated on gilding the image of Islam in America at all. My interest in writing about Islam and Muslims is the same as with any topic – I want readers to consider the entire picture, not just what the loudest voices want us to hear. With respect to Islam and Muslims, I think there is a particular need to highlight the diversity and plurality of the faith and the culture of Muslims because unfortunately most of what we read about Muslims today is very narrow in scope and stereotypically violent when that simply isn’t reflective of the 1.4 billion Muslims on the planet.

VM: How has Islam influenced your career path?

ZK: I was raised in a home that put a lot of emphasis on social justice and I think that focus was largely derived from the fact that my parents were and continue to be devout Muslims. For me, those values translated into my work with nonprofits and in civic engagement. My writing also tends to reflect my interest in social justice and how inequalities affect different communities.

VM: Research and studies show that a significantly low percentage of Muslims opt for journalism as a career choice in America (approximately 1.1%). Given the power and influence of the media coupled with this statistic, what are your thoughts?

ZK: There are some great Muslim-American writers/journalists out there like Laila Al-Arian, Wajahat Ali, Fareed Zakaria, and others – but there is always room and a need for more fresh voices. Minorities need to be part of the media in order to provide the public with a more expansive perspective. Any minority that isn’t at the table is doing a disservice to itself and to the larger public.

VM: How can Muslims from different professions aggrandize Islam in the American media?

ZK: As we both know, Muslims are a part of the fabric of this country just like any other community. However for a long time, many Muslim-Americans have been hesitant to share their religious customs and traditions with their neighbors and friends. Muslim-Americans should continue to be productive members of society like they always have but should make an effort to open up and share their culture with others. Rather than focus on the media, open your home to your neighbors for an iftar or invite neighbors over for dinner on `Eid. These seemingly small steps, if done continuously by many, would have a large impact on educating other Americans about Muslims and dismantling stereotypes and myths.

VM: What are your career ambitions for the near future?

ZK: In the near future, I intend to keep sharpening my writing and continue working as a new media consultant with non-profits and higher education institutions.