By Jinan Yousef and Noha Salem | Originally Published October 2009

We now live a global village; whether on the internet, in one’s own country, or by traveling, people of all different backgrounds are meeting and interacting in a variety of venues. This is a crucial thing for Muslims as it gives us the opportunity, and indeed also tests us, to represent Islam and call people to Islam.

Unfortunately, da’wah (inviting people to Islam) is not as easy as one imagines. Ibn Al Qayyim stated that da’wah has the highest maqam (or station) because that was the role of the Prophets ﷺ (peace be upon him). We constantly read in the Qur’an how the Prophets `alayhum as-salaam (peace be upon them) were patient with their people, with Nuh (as) (Noah) only praying against them after 950 years of calling them to worship the One God. Nowadays, however, we are quick to condemn people eternally to kufr (disbelief), when even in the Qur’an Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) tell us that a person has until just before his death to believe. We do this either by looking down on others instead of loving for our brothers what we love for ourselves – which includes loving Islam for the disbeliever as we love it for ourselves (an-Nawawi’s commentary on the hadith, record of the words of the Prophet ﷺ) – or by giving up on them after failing to see the fruits of our call.

This is why it is crucial to return to the Prophet’s ﷺ example. When he was in Makkah, we know that he was attacked brutally for his message. But there were certain ringleaders: Abu Jahal, Abu Lahab, Al Walid bin Mugheera and Abu Sufyan. After almost 20 years of the Prophet’s ﷺ calling, after fighting numerous wars against the Muslims, and after the conquest of Makkah, Abu Sufyan accepted Islam. He then fought for Islam and even lost his eye in one of the battles. Who would have thought that a man like Abu Sufyan would finally accept Islam? He could have apostated as many tribes did after the Prophet’s ﷺ death, but he did not.

Let us not forget the story of the city of Ta’if – when the Prophet ﷺ went there to call the people, they sent their children and those whom they considered lowly to throw stones and taunt the Messenger ﷺ. The Prophet  ﷺ left Ta’if, bleeding, with no human support – his two closest relatives, his wife Khadija radi allahu `anha (may God have mercy on her) and his uncle Abu Talib, had passed away. Jibreel came to him afterwards, telling him that there were angels ready to destroy those people if the Prophet  ﷺ requested it. By the Prophet’s own admission, this was his hardest day. But his response was, “Maybe Allah will produce from their offspring ones who will worship Him alone” (Bukhari). Would we still have hope in such people?

It was the beloved Prophet’s nature never to give up. Allah had given him a role which he was to fulfill regardless of the results. His uncle, Abu Talib, protected the Prophet  ﷺ, and until his moment of death the Prophet  ﷺ called him to the truth. And then Allah revealed “You [Prophet] cannot guide everyone you love to the truth; it is God who guides whoever He will: He knows best those who will follow guidance.” (Qur’an, 28:56)

No matter how horrible a person seems to us, we should not assume that this person will never accept Islam – look at the example of Umar (radiAllahu `anhu – May Allah be pleased with him), who would beat female slaves when he found out they converted. But Allah guides whom He pleases – Umar (ra) became one of the Prophet’s ﷺ closest companions, one of ten promised Paradise, and the second of the rightly-guided khulafaa’ (caliphs).

This is in reference purely to da’wah; it does not mean we do not stand up for the rights of our brothers and sisters where they are suffering on the pretext of da’wah, but our reactions should, as with all situations, be tempered with the example of the Beloved ﷺ.

Because of the Prophet’s ﷺ perseverance and Allah’s Will, we are Muslim today. Let us be grateful for that very fact by being persistent in our own quest to tell people about Islam, by supporting our rhetoric with action – by following in the footsteps of the Prophet  ﷺ.

“One of the ways to acquire proper akhlaq (character) and adab (manners) is to seek knowledge,” our teacher told us. “To seek knowledge with a scholar who has studied with someone.”

Last night, our teacher shared that advice before we started our weekly fiqh (Islamic law) class. He then shared a story with us.

“My first teacher was an ocean of knowledge, may Allah protect him. One time, while I was studying with him in the masjid, he told me to wait for him. I sat there and waited for him from `asr (late afternoon) prayer till maghrib (sunset prayer). He then came back and told me: today you learned a lesson which you can never learn in books. After that, he told me to leave.”

Reflecting on what our teacher said, along with the story he shared, I can’t help but realize how and why we, as students of knowledge wannabes, fall into many debates and useless arguments. Most of our scholars (if not all) have studied under knowledgeable shayukh (spiritual leaders) who disciplined them and taught them manners and adab before they taught them any Islamic science. They understood very well that their sincerity, humbleness, and down-to-earth attitude with fellow Muslims and everyone was far more important than memorizing volumes of books. However, they weren’t served these beautiful manners on a golden plate; rather, they went trough a rigorous process of discipline, challenge and self-evaluation. While they were memorizing the Qur’an and Sahih Bukhari, they trained their hearts and minds and rectified things within. And because Allah (swt) helped them to do that (and much more), they are now able to deal with our communities. They are able to have respectful discussions and debates with those who disagree with them. They are able to handle criticism and slander and use it as a means to become better. Most importantly, they are able to help bring goodness to their community and humanity at large wa alhamdulilah (and all praise is to Allah).

Comparing the process our scholars and shayukh went through to how we should “pursue Islamic education” is quite interesting. Most of us here in the west refer to Wikipedia or “Shaykh Google” for our questions. Some of us exert more effort and sign up for classes at our local mosques or institutes. Some even take it to the next level and committed to study under a shaykh or student of knowledge. Alhamdulilah, we are all working hard and doing our best with the kind of resources we have. But to be quite honest, taking weekend classes or attending weekly halaqas (discussion circles) will never be the same as dedicating 4-5+ years of your life for studying. Learning from books will not always humble you and shock you with the reality that there’s so much knowledge out there that you’re ignorant of. Yet…

How many of us witnessed (or even worse, got involved in) endless debates about this opinion or that fatwa (religious ruling)? How many times have we doubted the credibility of our scholars (who dedicated most of their lives for this da`wah (call to Islam)) simply because we didn’t feel comfortable with their opinion? What about when we debated our teachers and challenged them, lacking proper character? Or we started labeling people and groups and confirmed who’s going to heaven and who’s going to hell? The sad reality is that all of these scenarios have happened countless times – and continue to happen.

The Prophet ﷺ said (roughly translated): “May Allah have mercy on he who knows his worth.” As students of knowledge wannabes, we need to first and foremost rectify our intentions and humble ourselves before Allah (swt). We need to remember that any knowledge Allah blessed us with is to be used for His service and humanity but not for debates and long online arguments. We need to make sure that while we take all these classes, we simultaneously work on our own self development and purification insha’Allah (God-willingly).

May Allah (swt) teach us that which benefits us. May He grant us the sincerity and the humbleness to seek knowledge and the wisdom to practice it. May He make us amongst the scholars, or at least bless us with their company so we may learn from their manners and benefit from their training.

May He reward all of our scholars, teachers and mentors, and grant them and their families beautiful patience. May we learn to respect, appreciate, love and make du`a’ (supplication) for them.

Allahuma ameen.

As I thought about his situation and his struggle to improve himself, I remembered something that I was reading in Riyāḍ al-Ṣāliḥīn just a few days before. I was preparing for a talk that I was to give on arrogance and the chapter after it in Riyāḍ al-Ṣāliḥīn happened to be the chapter on good manners. I was overwhelmed.

I will mention some of the ahadith that were compiled in this section by Imam al-Nawawi and perhaps share a few thoughts on a couple of them. One thing that we will see is that sometimes we are not in need of increasing our acts of worship, but rather in improving the quality of our acts of worship and the quality of our interactions with people.

Anas radiAllahu `anhu (ra) said, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ had the best character of anyone.”

Anas (ra) said, “I did not touch any silk brocade nor silk softer than the palm of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. I did not smell any scent sweeter than the scent of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. I served the Messenger of Allah ﷺ for ten years and he never said to me, ‘Uff‘ nor did he say about anything I had done, ‘Why did you do that?’ nor about anything I had not done, ‘Why did you not do that?'”

‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As (ra) said, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ was neither obscene nor indecent. He used to say, ‘The best of you are the best in character.’”

Abu Hurairah (ra) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “The believers with the most perfect belief are the best of them in character. The best of you are the best of you towards your wives.”

‘A’isha (ra) said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, ‘By his good character a believer can reach the same rank as someone who fasts and prays at night.”

One of the commentators on this hadith said that the reason for this is because the one who prays in the night or fasts in the day struggles against his self while being disconnected from the people, but the one who deals with the people with good character struggles against himself while dealing with others, with all their differences, so they are equal to the one who prays or fasts, or maybe even better.

Abu Umama al-Bahili (ra) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “I guarantee a house on the outskirts of the Garden to anyone who abstains from disputation, even if he is in the right, and a house in the middle of the Garden for anyone who abandons lying, even when he jests, and a house at the summit of the Garden for anyone who has good character.”

Jabir (ra) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Those I love most and those sitting nearest to me on the Day of Rising will be those of you with the best character. Those most hateful to me and the furthest of you from me on the Day of Rising will be the pompous, the braggarts and the arrogant.’ They said, ‘Messenger of Allah, we know the pompous and the braggarts, but who are the arrogant?’ He said, ‘The proud.'”

‘A’isha (ra) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said, “Allah is kind and loves kindness and gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness nor for anything else.”

The Prophet ﷺ said to his companions, “Shall I not tell you something that is better than fasting, and praying, and giving charity?” They said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He said, “Reconciling between people.”

O Allah (swt), bestow your peace and blessings upon the best man to ever walk the face of the earth, our Prophet and master, Muhammad ﷺ. May He allow us to be true inheritors of his legacy.

We’ve all read this verse on countless marriage announcements. But how many have actualized it? How many of our marriages really embody that love and mercy described by Allah? What is going wrong when so many of our marriages are ending in divorce?

According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs, the answer is simple. In his book, Eggerichs explains that extensive research has found that a man’s primary need is for respect, while a woman’s primary need is for love. He describes what he calls the “crazy cycle”—the pattern of argumentation that results when the wife does not show respect and the husband does not show love. He explains how the two reinforce and cause one another.  In other words, when a wife feels that her husband is acting unloving, she often reacts with disrespect, which in turn makes the husband act even more unloving.

Eggerichs argues that the solution to the “crazy cycle” is for the wife to show unconditional respect to her husband and for the husband to show unconditional love to his wife.  This means that a wife should not say that first her husband must be loving before she will show him respect.  By doing so, she will only bring about more unloving behavior.  And a husband should not say that first his wife must be respectful before he will show her love.  By doing so, he will only bring about more disrespectful behavior. The two must be unconditional.

When I reflected on this concept, I realized that looking at the Qur’an and prophetic wisdom, there are no two concepts more stressed with regards to the marital relationship.

To men, the Prophet ﷺ said,

“Take good care of women, for they were created from a bent rib, and the most curved part of it is its top; if you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain arched, so take good care of women.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

He has further stressed: “The most perfect believer in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.” (Al-Tirmidhi)

The Prophet ﷺ has also said, “A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” (Muslim)

Allah says:

“…Live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (Qur’an, 4:19)

In these jewels of wisdom, men are urged to be kind and loving towards their wives. Moreover, they are urged to overlook their wife’s faults when showing that kindness and love.

On the other hand, when addressing the wife, the focus is different.  Why are women not told again and again to be kind and loving towards their husbands? Perhaps it is because unconditional love already comes naturally to women. Few men complain that their wives do not love them. But many complain that their wives do not respect them. And it is this sentiment which is most stressed in the Qur’an and sunnah, with regards to wives.

Respect can be manifest in a number of ways. One of the most important ways to show respect is the respect of one’s wishes. When someone says, “I respect your advice,” they mean “I will follow your advice.” Respecting a leader, means doing what they say. Respecting our parents means not going against their wishes. And respecting one’s husband means respecting his wishes. The Prophet ﷺ has said: “When any woman prays her five, fasts her month, guards her body and obeys her husband, it is said to her: ‘Enter paradise from whichever of its doors you wish.'” [At-Tirmidhi]

Why are we as women told to respect and follow the wishes of our husbands? It is because men are given an extra degree of responsibility. Allah says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .” (Qur’an, 4:34)

But won’t this unconditional respect towards one’s husband put us, as women, in a weak, submissive position? Won’t we set ourselves up to be taken advantage of and abused? Quite the contrary. The Quran, the prophetic example, and even contemporary research have proven the exact opposite. The more respect a woman shows her husband, the more love and kindness he will show her. And in fact, the more disrespect she shows, the more harsh and unloving he becomes.

Similarly, a man may question why he should show kindness and love towards even a disrespectful wife. To answer this question, one only needs to look at the example of Omar Ibn ul-Khattab. When a man came to Omar (who was Khalifah at the time) to complain of his wife, he heard Omar’s own wife yelling at him. While the man turned to leave, Omar called him back. The man told Omar that he had come to complain of the same problem that Omar himself had. To this Omar replied that his wife tolerated him, washed his clothes, cleaned his home, made him comfortable, and took care of his children. If she did all of this for him, how could he not tolerate her when she raised her voice?

This story provides a beautiful example for all of us—not only for the men. This story is a priceless illustration of tolerance and patience, which is essential for any successful marriage. Moreover, consider the reward in the hereafter for those who show patience: Allah says, “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full without reckoning (or measure).” (Qur’an, 39:10)

Also published by InFocus.

Surat Al-Fatiha Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX| Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX | Part XX | Part XXI | Part XXII | Part XXIII | Part XXIV | Part XXV

As we continue Surat al-Fatiha, we find that this chapter of the Qur’an has some of the best cures for the greatest sicknesses of the heart. Let’s go over a few.

The first disease, and one of the greatest diseases of the heart, is kibr (arrogance). That is why the Prophet Muhammed ﷺ said “The one who has even an atom’s weight of arrogance in their heart will not go to Paradise” (related by Abdullah bin Masood).

How do we define arrogance? After the Prophet Muhammed ﷺ made this statement, some of his companions said, “Ya Rasulallah, O Messenger of God, we like to dress nicely. We like to wear nice clothes and nice shoes.” The Prophet ﷺ said this is not kibr. We can take one lesson from this: as Muslims we should dress nicely. Even if we wear a thobe or shalwar khmeez (Arab or Desi cultural clothing), we should iron it and have a nice appearance. One time the Prophet ﷺ sent his companions on a mission and told them, “Straighten your saddles and have a good appearance” (related by  Abu Dawud with a sound chain of narration). Having a good appearance doesn’t mean dressing like J. Lo or Shahrukh Khan. Having a good appearance means that I dress nicely and Islamically. That’s why Sheikh Muhammed Shanqiti, one of my teachers, told me that every Imam should have a budget to buy decent-looking clothes. This does not mean that you go out and buy a five thousand dollar suit, but the person should have a good appearance.

The Prophet Muhammed ﷺ defined arrogance for us when he said, “Arrogance is to turn away from the truth when it’s given to you and to look down on people.”

Turning away from the truth is very dangerous. For example, someone comes to you and says, “Ya akhi (O my brother) I swear by Allah, I love you more than myself and I saw you doing something today and it’s wrong.”

Then you reply, “Well, back home this is the way we do things.” You’d better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Or for example, someone comes to a sister and says, “Sister, masha’ Allah, you did a really great job today, however according to Islam we should do it like this.”

And you reply, “Well, I don’t do it like that.”

This is turning away from the truth. It’s very sneaky, because when someone disobeys Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) and they do so knowingly, it is because they feel that they know better than Allah (swt). This is scary. For example if someone suggests that we need to pray and another replies “You know, I don’t think we should pray in the library. All kinds of things are going on in the news about Muslims, I think it would be wiser and more intelligent if we wait and pray tomorrow.” Well, that’s an opinion, but it doesn’t matter what he thinks, because this is what Allah (swt) commands.

Humble yourself, because after the sins of Iblees, the first sin was the sin of logic. Deistic philosophy, as Newton said, that God created us and the world works like a clock. He just created creation and left it to function without intervention, therefore creation can think whatever they want to think. This is not how we work. We believe, as we saw in al-Fatiha, that Allah (swt) is close to us. Allah (swt) said “And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near,” (Qur’an, 2:186).

When Allah (swt) told Adam `alayhi assalaam (upon him be peace), “[…] do not come close to this tree […]”, Iblees said, “Your Lord did not forbid you this tree except that you become angels or become of the immortal,” (Qur’an, 7:19 – 20). Logically, being angels and living forever seem quite good, so Adam and Eve ate from the tree. That’s why the`ulema (scholars) said that Allah (swt) gave this story at the beginning of humanity to let us know that for the one who submits to Allah (swt), even their logic is subservient to His orders. As Francis Bacon said, the human’s intellect is like a dim lantern: sometimes it gets it right, but sometimes they fall on their face. And Allah (swt) says that, “There has come to you from Allah a light and a clear Book,” (Qur’an 5:15). The Qur’an is a bright light. Nobody can get lost with it.

So the first form of arrogance is turning away from people and disobeying Allah (swt). For example we don’t pray Fajr (the pre-dawn prayer) because we read in Time magazine two years ago that eight hours of sleep is the average needed for a healthy individual. Masha’ Allah, most college students don’t have that problem because they’re getting fourteen or twelve hours of sleep, or playing video games all night. So we think we shouldn’t go to Fajr because we need to wake up early and go to class. This is turning away from and debasing the truth.

The second form of arrogance is even more dangerous. It is to look down on people.

We are going to go through some causes of arrogance and then we’ll talk about their cures in Surat al-Fatiha and then next week we’ll continue with al-riyaa (showing off) and what Imam Ghazali said about the five kinds of riyaa. We will also talk about how al-Fatiha cured al-riyaa and al-hasad. Al hasad means more than envy, and insha’ Allah in the future we will give you the translation.

What are some of the reasons for arrogance?

The first one is that people in general become arrogant when they start to have a lot of knowledge or when they start to become (assumedly) pious. The arrogance of knowledge and piety. These two have possibly destroyed more people than any other kind of arrogance.

A way to understand this is to ask ourselves: who was the most pious person that ever walked the face of the earth? It was Rasulallah ﷺ. What happens when someone starts to feel that they’re pious? They think to themselves, “I’m so close to Allah, I’m praying my tahajjud (late night prayers), I’m fasting twice a week. Masha’ Allah, look at me.” And then here comes a sister who, for example, doesn’t wear hijab. The “pious” sister who wears hijab is disgusted. Or she doesn’t talk to the sister without hijab. Or maybe she thinks, “Hmmm, I sure am lucky I’m not like you.” This can be arrogance. Of course we say that the level of the person who wears hijab is high with Allah (swt), higher than the one who doesn’t wear hijab. But if the one who wears hijab does so without ikhlas, sincerity, and she feels that she is better than others, she’s in trouble.  Maybe a brother memorized the Qur’an and spent some time to learn how to read the Qur’an correctly. He comes to the masjid and discovers some brothers reading the Qur’an incorrectly. He says to himself, “Masha’ Allah, I’m so great!” This is the danger of knowledge.

Nobody was more knowledgeable than the Prophet ﷺ, but yet he used to say salaam (lit. peace, in this case greetings) to children. When he was walking through Madinah and saw some kids he would say, “As-salaam alaykum, peace be upon you,” and he would be smiling. He wouldn’t say, “I’m a sheikh, I’m an ’alim (person with knowledge).” No. The Prophet ﷺ used to sit on the floor and eat food with people. Sisters always like to hear that the Prophet ﷺ used to do the chores in the home when he went home to be with his wives. He didn’t go home and say, “Are you asking me to wash the dishes? Do you know who I am?” No, he used to serve and help them.

One time the people saw Abu Bakr radi allahu `anhu (may Allah be pleased with him) sewing the soles of his own shoes. They exclaimed, “You are Amir al Mumineen (leader of the Believers)!” He said, “Me? I’m nothing. Who am I?”

This is humility. It is to be careful about your knowledge. You know how you can understand this? Who is the greatest scholar? Iblees. Nobody knows more than Iblees. But where is Iblees now? Is he chilling with the European fatwa (legal ruling) council? No. He is the fatwa of the people of hellfire. That’s why one poet said, “Knowledge is like rain, and behavior is the soil. If the soil is corrupted it doesn’t matter what kind of rain you put on it. Iblees knows more than every human being, but still the only thing he got is curses.” Even the kuffar (disbelievers) curse Iblees. So his knowledge, without humility, did nothing for him. And what was Iblees’s major mistake? He said, “I am better than him. You created me from fire and created him from clay,” (Qur’an 38:76).

If we look at the lives of the salaf (righteous people) we find that they used to fight themselves to be humble. Hasan Al Basry was the greatest scholar in his area. He used to say, “I will not leave a room until I feel that I am worse than everybody in the room.”

How did the Prophet ﷺ act with a sinner? We all know the hadith that one time he was giving a khutbah (sermon) and he was on the minbar (pulpit). The Prophet ﷺ watched as a man walked in and then sat down. What did the Prophet ﷺ say to him? He said, “Did you pray?” He did not say, “What didn’t you pray! You are a sinner!” He simply asked if the man had prayed, even though he was watching the man. Why? Because the caller to Allah (swt) never wants the people he is calling to feel that he is better than them. So even though the Prophet ﷺ was watching the man, he asked if he had prayed. When the man said no, the Prophet ﷺ said, “Stand and pray.”

The second lesson from this hadith is that our da’wah (invitation to Islam) is never based on suspicion. Our da’wah is based on facts. For example, one time I went to a masjid and forgot my topi (prayer hat). One man asked me, “What kind of guy are you, you don’t even wear a kufi (prayer hat)! You don’t believe in wearing a kufi?” I thought to myself, “Subhan Allah (glory be to God), I forgot it at home. I had it but I left it in the house.” If I had told him that he would have felt bad.

Sometimes when we see someone doing something we jump to conclusions. For example we see a guy in the cafeteria talking to a girl, we think, “Ah ha, I knew it!” We shouldn’t think like that. Maybe he has to talk to her for a class assignment or some other reason. Or maybe he is a sinner. But how are you going to deal with him? As my sheikh told me, the one who calls to Islam is like a physician. You don’t give Prilosec to every patient. To some people you give penicillin, others amoxicillin, Tylenol, or Advil. Everybody’s medicine is different. Maybe you see a sister walking across the campus and you see her do something wrong. You say, “Istaghfir Allah! Authoo billah! I seek protection in Allah!” But you have to be sure she is doing something wrong. What happened to her? What problem is she having? This is a sign of humility.

Do you know what Ibn Qayyim said? He said a sinner can go to Paradise and an obedient servant can go to hell. How? Because the one who was obedient to Allah (swt) was obedient out of arrogance. For example, he would think to himself, “I pray Fajr on time, I’m good. I pray tahajjud, I have a beard, I follow the sunnah (way of the Prophet ﷺ), I’m better than you.” Like Shaytan. But the sinner realizes one day the he has been sinning and when he realizes that, his heart breaks. He goes in front of Allah (swt) and he starts crying, he gives Allah (swt) the sadaqah (charity) from his eyes, and he starts repenting to Allah (swt). Then Allah (swt) forgives him and he is among the people of Paradise.

This is the kibr of piety and knowledge.

The second form of looking down on people is position. When someone gets a position and they feel proud of themselves, for example they boast, “Yeah, I’m MSA President now” or “I’m a big Sheikh.” Position can be in a lot of things: family, money, position in an organization, or academic position. For example, “I made the Dean’s list every year”. But have you made Allah’s list? This is the danger of position.

Although the Prophet ﷺ had the highest position he was very humble. Even if righteous people are given positions they work to be humble. I had a Sheikh who I was studying with. One day my kufi fell off. He ran, grabbed my kufi and put it on my head. I was embarrassed and I said, “Istaghfir Allah (I seek forgivness from Allah), you’re the Sheikh!” He quoted the verse, “Be merciful to the believers.” Why did Allah (swt) say that the true believers are merciful to the believers? Because they do not look at the believers, even the sinners, with arrogance. They are soft with them. Firm, but soft. It doesn’t mean that if you see a guy out there drinking a forty you should say, “Oh, brother Suhaib said I have to make sure, so maybe that’s not beer, maybe it’s apple juice.” Most definitely you need to go and advise the person, but how you advise them and carry yourself is very important in order to deliver the right medication.

People used to come to the Prophet ﷺ and ask, “What’s the best action?” Sometimes he would answer, “To pray on time.” Another time he answered, “Being good to your Mom and Dad.” Yet another time he answered, “Jihad.”

Why is the answer changing? Because the patient is different. Most of these hadiths are found in al-Bukhari and they are sahih (authentic). So you need to know how to deal with the patient. And the first patient is you.

When we look at righteous people, we find that they used to force themselves to be humble. For example, Umar ibn Abdulaziz. One day Umar ibn Abdulaziz was sitting with his companions when his sword fell from his horse. One guy ran to get it and put it back, then asked Umar, “Is this enough, is there anything else I can do for you?” Umar replied, “If I stand, I am Umar ibn Abdulaziz. If I sit, I am [still just] Umar ibn Abdulaziz. Who am I? Why are you doing that?” You know Umar ibn Abdulaziz used to dig a hole in his backyard and sit in it when he couldn’t pray qiyam al-layl (praying during the night). He would sit in this grave and say to himself, “This is where you are going to live. This is your permanent residence.” Then he would get up and pray in the night. He would force himself to be humble with people.

People used to come to Umar ibn al-Khattab (ra) and say, “Make du`a’ (supplication) for me, ya Amir al Mumineen (leader of the Believers).” Subhan Allah, you know what he used to reply? “Who am I? I am aathim (a sinner).” Subhan Allah nowadays when you come to someone and say, “Make du`a’ for me” it makes them feel proud of themselves. Hudhayfah ibn al-Yaman (ra) used to keep a list of the hypocrites. After Umar (ra) became the khalifa (caliph) and 700 cities were conquered by him, he would go to Hudhayfah and ask, “Please, am I on the list? Tell me if I’m on the list, I need to know.” This is Umar (ra) who used to have lines on his face from crying in the night. He’s afraid that he’s a hypocrite. This is humility. One time a man found Umar (ra) walking and carrying a water skin on his shoulder. This was the habit of the slaves in the time before the Prophet ﷺ. They would carry water on their shoulders. Now here is the leader of the Muslim nation carrying this like a slave. The man went to Umar (ra) and said, “Oh Umar! How come you are doing this? This is not at your level. It is not for you.” And you know what Umar said? Subhan Allah, it’s amazing. He said, “You know when people come to me and I say something, they obey me and listen to me. When they do that I found that arrogance fell into my heart. So I am carrying this on my back to make myself humble.”

Imam al-Shaarawi, one of the great scholars of Qur’anic interpretation in the last 100 years in Egypt, used to give a dars (lesson) every Friday on TV. About seven million people would be watching. One day, Imam Shaarawi came to the masjid in Cairo. Suddenly he got up and left. Now, those of you who have been to Muslim countries know that at Maghrib time the public restrooms in masjids are really bad. A man came into the restroom and found Sheikh Shaarawi, who was about seventy-five, scrubbing the toilets in his Azhari dress. The man said, “Subhan Allah! Sheikh Shaarawi, how come you’re doing this?” He replied, “I was sitting in the masjid and I started to think I’m this great Qur’anic scholar. So I wanted to kill this arrogance.” He was scrubbing the toilets in the robes of ‘ulema to break himself and make himself humble. Some of us think that we have so much spiritual knowledge, but even if we’re given one position we become very proud.

So, to fight yourself and struggle against yourself is important to fight arrogance. One time I gave this Eid khutbah in MCA (Muslim Community Association). A man came to me afterwards and started brushing his hands on me (in a congratulatory fashion). I started to feel that I was becoming proud of myself, that I wasn’t getting any barakah (mercy, good) from this, so I started to rub him back. He was surprised and he asked, “What are you doing?” I said, “I’m the same as you.” I’m not saying this to praise myself, but rather to show that you have to fight yourself. If not, you’re going to start slipping—especially academically. Someone might start praising you and saying, “Oh, Muhammed, you’re such a scholar in physics. We think you’re such a genius. You’re going to be the next Hawkins.” Then two years later, Muhammed says, “I don’t believe in Allah.” We have some people right now on this campus like that who have lost themselves because of academic arrogance.

A few minutes later, I was driving on a small highway getting farther away from the major city and deeper into rural America. The houses became fewer as the smell of cow manure grew stronger. As the miles slipped past, the thought crossed my mind – what did I sign up for? I am going into a little town (population 4340, of which 97.55% is white) that has probably never seen the likes of me before. I imagined an angry mob of people blaming me for family members and friends dying in wars fought to prevent the “terrorists” from ruining the freedom of Americans. Automatically, defense mode switched on. Another forty-five minutes went by, and I had arrived.

As I walked through the side door of the church, and went up the stairs into the room where the meeting was being held, I repeated the du`a’ of Musa:

O my Lord! Open for me my chest, and ease my task for me, and make loose the knot from my tongue that they understand my speech.

The pastor greeted me and the kids started trickling in. All of a sudden, the lady that helped organize the interfaith event looked at the both of us and said, “Oh no, I forgot. Let’s go outside.” All three of us stepped outside the room and she explained that at every meeting they throw a random question out there and ask the kids to answer with whatever comes to mind. She hadn’t prepared a question this time and asked us to help her come up with one. I said, “How about, when you hear the word Muslim, what do you think?” They loved it and we went back in. The kids were instructed to go around introducing themselves and answer the question, “When you hear the word Muslim, what do you think?”

I braced myself as I sat in front of the firing squad. The first kid began, “My name is Zach and when I hear the word Muslim I think…desert!” The other answers followed:

“Palace.”
“White dress.”
“Scarf.”
“Aladdin.”
“Narrow-mindedness.”

…and so on. The words I was waiting for – terrorist, war, jihad – did not come up. I introduced myself and started to talk about the five pillars of Islam, explaining one concept after another. Their eyes widened as they hung on my every word.

They asked questions about faith, God, Heaven and Hell. They asked – inquisitively not judgmentally – about why Muslim women dress the way they do. A whole two hours of discussion followed, revolving around faith and what it means to me. As a parting thought, I told them “When you hear something on the news and it doesn’t make sense, chances are…it doesn’t make sense.” I urged them to continue this thirst for knowledge and to seek the truth. As I left the room, one of the girls came up to me asking permission to communicate with me via email. She is heading to college to study religion with a focus on Hinduism, but after listening to me she may want to shift her focus to Islam.

On my drive back, I thought subhanAllah (praise be to God), we blame people for getting caught up in the media hype and the “media’s war on Islam” and yet – sometimes we ourselves get so sucked into it that we get stuck in defense mode. We assume that no one is interested in listening to us speak about our faith. We get caught up in what goes on in the media, thinking that Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck are the official voice of America. We corner ourselves constantly looking for justifications for the action of a few and forget that a simple conversation with others can go so far.

The next day, I had to give a lecture about Islam and Muslims on the campus of a neighboring University. I started my talk with, “Today I am here to talk to you about what Islam is – not what it is not.”

Be proud of who you are and don’t let others hijack your religion from you.

If you have an interesting da`wah episode to share, please email info[at]VirtualMosque[dot]com.

“He really didn’t deserve that promotion.”

“She may act nice, but she is so two-faced.”

“Did you hear about what happened?! They got into so much trouble for those emails…”

Sound familiar? Unfortunately this is what we witness on a day-to-day basis in the workplace. It’s hard to resist just listening to others gossip, let alone joining in ourselves. As Muslims, we first need to recognize the gravity of such talk, and then try and learn from the character of the best of creation, the Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu `alayhi wa sallam – peace be upon him).

Misuse of the Tongue

Misusing the tongue in the workplace can take many forms. It can be from telling outright lies about someone, to assuming the worst about our colleagues, to making fun of them. It is crucial to remember that the Prophet (s) said: “The majority of man’s sins emanate from his tongue.” (Tabarani)

Even if we may avoid the major sins, on the Day of Judgment we may have to face a nasty surprise: a mountain of sins, accumulated simply because of our tongues. The Prophet (s) said: “Will anything else besides (irresponsible) talk cause the people to be thrown into the Hellfire upon their faces or on their nostrils?” (Tirmidhi)

Allah (swt) has warned us in the Qur’an:

“O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear God. Verily, God is the one who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.” (49:12)

Many scholars have said that listening to others backbite is just as bad as gossiping itself, because we are approving the act. Listening to such talk affects our hearts, causing us to subconsciously start to draw conclusions about people’s characters or have negative thoughts about them simply because of what we have heard, regardless whether it is true or not.

A Test

If someone invites you to a bar to have a drink on the pretext that it will help advance your career because you’ll meet people, what do you do? You most likely will think twice, try to convince yourself that you aren’t doing anything wrong because you won’t be drinking, then (hopefully) reassess the situation and realize you shouldn’t go. You’ll remind yourself this a test, a temptation, and for the sake of Allah, you’ll do the right thing. After all, it is Allah who provides.

Gossip and backbiting in the workplace are the same. When our colleagues gossip around us, it is an implicit invitation to sin or to be a witness to sin. It is that same test: to join in or not to join in?

The Best Example

Imagine if the Prophet (s) worked where you work. Imagine if the people around him snickered at someone’s misfortune or expressed their anger at someone behind their backs. How would he be?

Once, two men were walking and talking about a man that had been punished that day for drinking wine. So one said, “Did you see how he was whipped like a dog?” The Prophet (s) heard him, and when they passed by a donkey, the Prophet (s) said “Eat.” Surprised, the men said “Why?” He said, “Because you have eaten that which is worse, you have eaten the dead flesh of your brother.”

Even though these men were not even lying, because they were degrading the man because of the events that happened that day; the Prophet (s) stopped them immediately. In an oft-repeated hadith, the Beloved (s) states, “Whoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand, and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue, and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.” (Muslim)

Thus the first step that we should take as Muslims is precisely what the Prophet (s) did: attempt to change it with our tongues. Whoever works in a high-stress and competitive environment will know that this isn’t easy to do especially because gossiping and backbiting happen so often. However, we have to try to do so with the utmost adab (manners). This is especially important if what is being said is a lie or pure speculation, as Allah (swt) in the Qur’an has said about the incident of Al-Ifk, where the hypocrites slandered the wife of the Prophet (s), `Aisha: “And why, when you heard it, did you not say, ‘It is not for us to speak of this. Exalted are You, [O Allah]; this is a great slander?'” (Qur’an, 24:16)

If that doesn’t work, another thing that one could do is to change the subject and talk about something that would be more important.

Another scenario emerges: what if someone comes to tell you something they have heard? The Prophet (s) was put in that same situation, and his response was,

“Let no one among you convey to me what is said about me (in terms of what will give rise to bad feelings in my heart). For indeed I love to come out to you with a pure and clean heart (without having negative feelings about any of you as a result of knowing what you said about me).” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet (s) did not want to know. He closed all the doors to enmity and bad thoughts about people by telling them that he did not want to hear it.

As a final solution, one should ideally get up and leave, not to seclude oneself, but rather to avoid hearing poisonous talk that would affect our hearts and encourage us to join in. Even the Companions used to say, “[O Allah,] protect my sight and my hearing!”

We must remember that the Prophet (s) was an example of upright character even before he received revelation, rejecting many of the normal practices of the ignorant Arabs. He was known as as-Sadiq (the Truthful), al-Ameen (the Trustworthy). His beautiful character was why our mother Khadija, his first wife, was so drawn to him.

Sincerity and Allah’s Name Ash-Shakoor (The Appreciative)

Some of us, while reading the above, may feel nervous. It’s already a struggle not to join in the backbiting; is even harder to try to stop it or leave when it happens. Yet Allah told us, “…and whoever commits a good deed – We will increase for him good therein. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Appreciative” (Qur’an, 42:23).

Especially when a situation is hard for us, Allah appreciates and rewards us generously for our efforts in persevering. In one incident, `Aisha was going to perform `umrah (the lesser pilgrimage) with the Prophet (s), and there was difficulty in performing the task. So the Prophet (s) told her, “The reward is according to your expenses or the hardship (which you will undergo while performing it).” (Bukhari)

In Islam, we are not meant to make things more difficult for ourselves. However, if we find ourselves in a situation that is trying, then we must know that Allah is with us and will reward us accordingly for our struggles. Therefore, with these situations that require patience and perseverance, we must know that following the example of the Prophet (s) and putting our trust in Allah will not be wasted, insha’Allah (God-willing).

She looked me in the eyes, as the dark shapes of policemen gathered behind the rippled glass of the door. “I hear voices in my head. I ask other people, and they all say that that’s not normal, that they don’t have voices in their heads.” She paused, looked down at herself, gestured hopelessly at her tattered wife-beater and shorts. “I didn’t use to be a loser. I came from an educated family; I remember when I was happy…when I thought life was pretty good. But – I lost everything. Why am I being tested like this? I am so lonely. No one understands. No one cares. I look around and I see everyone happy. Why am I so miserable?” As the police handcuffed her and took her away, to a psychiatric hospital where she would be forcefully medicated, her words rang in my mind.

I had been enjoying a close friend’s wedding celebration at the Islamic center and had dared to hope – for a few, precious moments – that life had returned to normal after a series of harrowing experiences in the past few months. As I sat after prayer, having just asked Allah for guidance and strength, I saw her walk into the masjid, thread her way through the worshipers, and take a seat at the corner of the prayer hall. I quickly got up and walked over, anticipating the scandalized reactions from attendees: “She’s in shorts! At the masjid!” I had known her for six months, been there when she had taken shahada, let her stay at my house, driven her to a drug-testing facility so that she could help fight for custody of her son, worked with local Muslim charities and social workers to get her a stable place to live…but to no avail. That night, after I took her outside, she said she was suicidal, that she wanted to hurt others, that the voices in her head were driving her – literally – insane.  Due to the sensitivity caused by the Fort Hood event, the masjid administration felt it was necessary to call the police.

After the cop cars pulled out of the parking lot, I felt dazed. Her questions still echoed in my head. It felt like a blow to my heart. I suppose it is the quintessential question that oftentimes pushes people away from faith – why do bad things happen to good people? To people who, in different circumstances, might have been just like us?

When life throws a sucker punch, what better thing to do but pick up the divine book of guidance? In the Qur’an, Allah tells us the story of Prophet Yusuf, using an entire chapter to detail his life from happy child, to scared captive, to slave, to prisoner, to the vizier who saves his people from starvation. If an individual was to meet Yusuf as he lay imprisoned for years in Egypt, and ask the Prophet to retell his story, what would we hear?

We would hear a tale of heartbreak, betrayal, grief, deceit; where a young man is betrayed by his brothers and left  to die, sold into slavery, raised far from his loving parents, tricked by his master’s wife, and jailed for false reasons. Looking at his story from this snapshot in time, without knowing the rest of the story, one would be inclined to see the injustice happening to one of the best of creation. What did he do to deserve this? But as his story unfolds, and the Prophet Yusuf is made a vizier of Egypt, he guides his country to successfully survive famine. It becomes clear how every event in his life was divinely ordained by Allah for the good of himself and the good of his people.

Our life on this Earth is but the first act in the grand story of life; the most important events are yet to come. As Judgment Day approaches, we remember that those who may have been miserable in this life, will be the truly successful in the next, eternal life. As the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

“… One amongst the denizens of Hell who had led a life of ease and plenty amongst the people of the world would be dipped into the Fire only once on the Day of Resurrection and then it would be asked of him: ‘Oh son of Adam, did you find any comfort, did you get any material blessing [on Earth]?’ He would say: ‘By Allah, no, my Lord.’ And then a person from amongst the people of the world [will] be brought who had led the most miserable life in the world [he will be from amongst those destined for Paradise] and he would be dipped once in Paradise; it would be asked of him, ‘Oh son of Adam, did you face any hardship? Has any distress fallen to your lot [on Earth]?’ And he would say, ‘By Allah, no my Lord, never did I face any hardship or experience any distress.’” (Muslim)

It is difficult – perhaps even foolhardy – to judge events in this life when we do not understand the qadr (divine will) of Allah. Perhaps our trials will end in success in this life; perhaps they will guarantee us success in the life to come. Our role is to face our tests with sabr (patience), remembering to have tawakul (trust) in Allah and worshipping Him with sincerity. As Allah says in the Qur’an, “We grant the Home in the Hereafter to those who do not seek superiority on earth or spread corruption: the happy ending is awarded to those who are mindful of God.” (28:83)

By Fatima Elkabti

I didn’t have an airplane ticket, a suitcase, or permission from my father, yet I was due to be in Amman in less than thirty days.

Alhamdulillah (praise be to God), my father’s permission, the ticket, and a pair of old suitcases were all secured in time, but one thing continued to pester me. Was I going to show up in Amman with nothing to recommend me but my person? Jane Austen would frown upon that.

Besides, it is Arab tradition for guests to bring a gift on their first visit to someone’s house. And since I wasn’t visiting a house but rather a country, the gift had to be, well, something a little more than a box of chocolates.

I searched extensively, and ultimately found a cheap but valuable gift: books.

I’ve long been a believer in the environmental mantra of “Reduce-Reuse-Recycle,” but now I was convinced it could apply to more than paper, glass, and cans. Used books, I thought, could be sent to places where new ones were unaffordable or inaccessible. But how could I collect a cache of books in such a short time?

Enter the internet. I sent an email to a small cohort of Muslim American friends. I asked them for those dictionaries on their shelves that have fallen out of use, thanks to “dictionary.com” and the right-click thesaurus on Microsoft Word. What I effectively offered them in that email, however, was a concrete way to support their Palestinian refugee brothers and sisters. What they offered me, in turn, was humbling.

Within days, I had received word from tens of friends and, better yet, people I didn’t know, all opening up their hearts, personal libraries, and wallets to support this project.

About a week after that solicitous email, I had thirty-some dictionaries stacked in my living room, two boxes full of children’s books, and several checks in the mail.

And what’s more, the donors asked no questions. They saw no official website or paperwork. I am not a 401(k), and they certainly didn’t get a tax break. When I insisted that they give me mailing addresses so I could send some kind of receipt or thank-you note, many simply waved me away.

I hadn’t yet stepped foot in Amman, and I already felt that something integral had changed. My fellowship was no longer just my fellowship. My goal of empowering Palestinian refugees through language and literature was no longer just my goal. The magnanimity demonstrated at home was like an epigraph that set the tone for the rest of my work. The books that eventually made it into the hands of underprivileged schoolchildren – those weren’t just books with dog ears; they were an expression of one community’s solidarity with another. And, not unlike a suitcase, I simply carried that message of solidarity over.

This year, thanks to a Fulbright fellowship, I’m dividing my time between studying Arabic literature at the University of Jordan, teaching English and creative writing at an UNRWA school, and researching the impact of educational and career limitations on Gazan refugees.

But what I’m really doing here is recycling – recycling an old but ageless idea; that people can help each other to help themselves. I am just a child raised by a village who, bi’ithnillah (with Allah’s permission), can help another village to raise itself.

Fatima Elkabti is currently in Jordan on a Fulbright fellowship, where she is teaching English and creative writing to Palestinian refugees, studying Arabic, and conducting a research study on the Gazan refugee population. Follow Fatima’s adventures in Jordan at her personal blog Tamatim.

At first she was terrified.  She called out to her husband who now turned to leave. “Will you leave us here to die?”  There was no reply.  She called after him again.  Still there was no reply.  Suddenly she called out again: “Were you commanded by your Lord to bring us here?”

“Yes,” replied the Prophet Ibraheem.

It was then that Hajar’s fear disappeared.  Although she suddenly found herself alone in the middle of a desert, with her newborn child and no sign of water, she knew with full certainty that Allah would never leave her side.  Her faith was strong, her conviction untouched.

But soon after Prophet Ibraheem left, her child Ismail began to cry from thirst.  And although Hajar had complete tawakkul (trust and reliance) in Allah, she did not remain sitting, waiting for the water to fall down from the sky.

Reliance on Allah filled Hajar’s heart; but with her limbs, Hajar strove with everything she had.  She began to run quickly between the mountains of Al-Safa and Al-Marwa, looking for any sign of water for her son.  Each time Hajar came to the top of the mountain and found nothing, she did not despair nor did she lose hope.  Her will was unshaken, and she continued to strive.  In fact, Hajar strove so hard that the ritual itself became known as Sa’ee—which literally means “to strive.”

Many people confuse tawakkul with resignation and the secession of striving. But by no means does tawakkul mean one ceases to struggle.  The story of Hajar serves as one of the most beautiful examples of this lesson taught to us by our beloved Prophet (s).  When a man came to Prophet Mohammed (s) and asked him if he should have trust in Allah, or tie his camel and then have trust in Allah, the Prophet (s) replied that he should tie his camel securely and then put his trust in Allah.

Tawwakul is not an act of the limbs—it is an act of the heart.  And so while the limbs are striving hard, the heart is completely reliant on Allah.  This means whatever the outcome of the limbs’ striving, the heart will be completely satisfied, knowing that it is the flawless decision of Allah.

But in order to reach this level, one must hold on to hope, strive with the limbs, and let go with the heart.