Originally published in June 2011.

Commanded to Love: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV

Many of us have a wide variety of masks that we put on throughout the day depending on whom we are with and what their expectations are. Some of these masks are masks of patience, masks of gratitude, or masks of kindness. But the ones who see the ‘true us’ are those we live with. They see our faults and the side of us that we would never show to the outside world. When talking to the sahaba (Companions) the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said, ‘The best of you are those whom are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family’ (Tirmidhi). One of the wisdoms we can take from this is that it’s easy to be kind to people when you only have to see them a few hours a week, or even a few hours a day. It’s easy to put on a smile and make someone feel like they are worth something when you know that the show you are putting on will end soon. But it takes work, effort, and perseverance to keep up that niceness and compassion with the people you see day-in and day-out. It is with your family that your true colors show. Through the narrations and commentary of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ , we know for a fact that he was not one to wear masks nor was he one to be fake and insincere.

One of these narrations is of the time when the Prophet came bursting into the house of our mother, Khadija radi Allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her), seeking refuge from the experience he had just been through and begging her to cover him up. After listening to the story of what had occurred in the cave, which we now know was the beginning of the revelation, Khadija (ra) didn’t rush to call him a mad man, laugh at him, or even feel sorry for him. Rather, she had full confidence that something amazing was happening by the will of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) because she knew of his noble qualities. She began to comfort him, reminding him of all the good things that he consistently did, assuring him that there is no way that Allah (swt) would abandon him or allow him to be experiencing this out of madness nor out of possession. She reminded him that he was always good to his relatives, was always true to his word, helped those who were in need, supported the weak, fed his guests and answered the calls of those who were in distress. Had this account of his actions come from extended family or even neighbors, it would be awe-inspiring, but it wouldn’t be as powerful as when it came from the lips of his wife. His wife, a woman who sees him in the different moments of his life, who sees him day and night, who knows him for who he really is when his guard may be down, testifies confidently that he is a man of honor and a man that would never let anyone down.

They say if you really want to know who a man is, ask his wife how he is at home when no strange eyes are watching. Our beloved Prophet ﷺ was the same man behind closed doors as he was in public. His deeds did not change depending on who he was with nor did it change depending on who was watching because he knew that the only One who mattered was Allah (swt), and Allah (swt) could see him no matter where he was. He was not two-faced nor did he switch between different masks. No, the Prophet ﷺ kept it real—no matter where he was.

By Rana Mohammad

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ ran home to Khadija and said, “Cover me, cover me!”  Khadija (radi Allahu `anha, may God be pleased with her) held her frightened husband close in her comforting arms. With her warmth and soothing words, she reassured him that she did not have a doubt he was the blessed by Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). She said to him words that would be recorded in the books of Islamic narrations forever: “By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You uphold the ties of kinship, speak truthfully, help the poor and destitute, serve your guests generously and assist those who are stricken by calamity.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Years after Khadija (ra) passed away, the Prophet ﷺ still remembered her love for him, proclaiming that he would always be indebted to her: “She believed in me when people denied me, she trusted me when people belied me; she supported me with her wealth when people refused to support me and I was blessed with children by her when I was denied children by other women.” (Ahmad)

Allah (swt) decreed that Khadija (ra) would be from those who supported the Prophet ﷺ and the establishment of His religion. They say that behind every successful man there is a supporting woman. Khadija’s love and faith in the Prophet ﷺ is what gave him strength at the beginning of his message. With her reassurance, the Prophet ﷺ went on to fulfill his prophecy. And thus – Islam emerged upon the most beautiful love story of all time. This shows us the place of love in Islam, and the permissibility of its manifestation within marriage.

We all want love. We want the kind of love that, when our world falls apart, we can turn to that ‘Khadija-esque’ person who will hold us close to ease our mind and heart while we are going through times of despair. We want someone who will never give up on us; who will strive to see us succeed; and who will be willing to make sacrifices to see us happy. However, is what we want what we actually need?

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ greatly benefited from the love of Khadija (ra). She gave him provisional and emotional support. This is the love that human beings crave for by nature. At times, it is vital to have someone love you; to have someone believe in you with full faith when the whole world turns its back on you. However, many of us cannot find that love in one specific person.

You may find yourself all alone with no one to love you and with no one to turn to. You may find your world crashing down, with no person to hold you up, wipe your tears, and hear you out. Don’t fret. You may long for that person at the time, but you don’t necessarily need them just yet. You have Allah (swt) and in Him you can find everything you wish for and need. Allah (swt) is the one who gave the Prophet ﷺ what he needed when it was best for him. He didn’t always have Khadija (ra), but he always had and still has Allah (swt).

We tend to rely upon the means, and forget who facilitates the means for us. Allah (swt) is the One who willed for Khadija (ra) to propose to the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.  When a person puts their trust in Allah (swt), He provides for them from means that never crossed their imagination.  He was a devout believer, while everyone else around him associated partners with Allah (swt). He was steadfast in his beliefs and had the best of character; thus Allah (swt) gave him exactly what he wanted at the moment he needed it the most. If we abide by the Prophet’s ﷺ example, Allah (swt) will give and take in our life accordingly, and Allah (swt) knows what is best for us. Allah (swt) says,“… We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein.” [Qur’an 50:16]“And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me…” [Qur’an 2:186]

Get to know your Lord, and strive to get closer to Him. Make a sincere effort to build your relationship with Allah (swt). We all know we cannot depend on anyone or anything in this world. And so, when your world comes falling down, and you don’t have what you want, know that you will always have what you need. You need Allah (swt), and He is always there for us no matter what. When Allah (swt) puts you through a hardship, know that every cloud has a silver lining.  While in the moment we may not understand why things happen, we at least need to realize they don’t happen without reason. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Whoever Allah wants good for him, he puts them to the test. He puts them through difficulties; like a diamond or gold that has to be burnt after which anything bad from it is removed so that what you have is the pure diamond or the pure gold..” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Allah (swt) deprives us in order to give something better; something more. The longer we do not have what we want, the more we invoke upon Him in order to receive. All the while He elevates us, and brings us closer and closer to Him. He strengthens our iman to such an extent, that when we finally get what we want, we are not as excited as we would have expected. This is because, what we truly wanted all along was Allah (swt), and our nearness to Him gives us satisfying bliss that is bigger than our wants and desires.

When some people get what they want, they immediately neglect their Lord. So, if Allah (swt) does not give you what you want, take it as a sign to strengthen your connection with him. Allah (swt) says, “But if We give him a taste of favor after hardship has touched him, he will surely say, ‘Bad times have left me.’ Indeed, he is exultant and boastful…”–[Qur’an 11:10]

Allah loves you so much, He wants to make sure you have such strong faith, that when He does give you what you always yearned for, you will not disregard your Lord and thus suffer with worldly gain. Allah follows that verse with, “Except for those who are patient and do righteous deeds; those will have forgiveness and great reward.” [Qur’an 11:11]

Even if your sins pile up to the sky, Allah (swt) says, turn to Him and He will be there for us. His mercy is greater than any sin ever committed.  Allah (SWT) says “…My mercy encompasses all things.”[Qur’an 7:156]Allah (swt) also says reassuringly, “I am as My servant thinks I am, and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me to himself, I remember him to Myself; and if he remembers Me in a gathering, I remember him in a gathering better than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s span, I draw near to him an arm’s length; if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him with haste.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

There is no one who can love us more than Allah. Open your heart, and allow the love of the One who created you to enter where it belongs. Love Him more than you love anyone, and trust Him more than you trust anyone.

Finally, take notice that the Prophet ﷺ did not chase women, money, or any matter in this world. The Prophet ﷺ made strenuous efforts to get closer to his Lord, and Allah (swt)  sent to him the best of provisions. Prophet Yusuf (ra) was from the most beautiful of men, with women throwing themselves at him, yet he remained patient. He strived for Allah (swt), and Allah honored him with countless glad tidings. When you start to seek out only for Allah (swt), your world begins to fall into place. Know that it is possible to find true love in this life and to live a beautiful love story like the Prophet ﷺ and Khadija (ra). But heed that true love cannot exist unless it is for the sake of Allah. We love for His sake because we ultimately want to be with our Beloved, our Lord, and our Creator.

Now that we know what love actually is, how do we know that we actually love him? How do we know that our hearts are actually inclined to him and that we are not merely uttering words that do not resonate within us? There are signs that one can look for and strive for so that we may be sure to have this needed and craved love.

1. Itiba` (Following him) and ta`ah (Obeying him): In the Qur’an we are not only commanded to obey the Prophet ﷺ (May God peace and blessings be upon him), but also to follow him. There are many benefits that come from obeying him and following him aside from the great reward of it being a sign of loving him.

a. Obeying him is a means of becoming guided. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (Glorified is He) said in the Qur’an:

Say, “Obey Allah and obey the Messenger; but if you turn away – then upon him is only that [duty] with which he has been charged, and upon you is that with which you have been charged. And if you obey him, you will be [rightly] guided. And there is not upon the Messenger except the [responsibility for] clear notification.”
(Qur’an 24: 54)

b. Obeying him is a means of attaining the mercy of Allah (swt). Allah said in the Qur’an:

And obey Allah and the Messenger that you may obtain mercy. (Qur’an 3:132)

c. Obeying him is a means of entering Jannah (Paradise)

And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger and fears Allah and is conscious of Him – it is those who attain (of Jannah) (Qur’an 24: 52)

d.  Following him is a sign of loving Allah and will actually cause Allah to love you and forgive your sins!

Say, [O Muhammad], “If you should love Allah , then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. [..].” (Qur’an 3: 31)

2. Preferring the law that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ brought over our own desire. Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an:

But no, by your Lord, they will not [truly] believe until they make you, [O Muhammad], judge concerning that over which they dispute among themselves and then find within themselves no discomfort from what you have judged and submit in [full, willing] submission (Qur’an 4: 65)

3. Constantly mentioning him: When we love something or someone, that thing becomes frequently mentioned in our conversations and becomes the thoughts we drift to when our minds wander.

4. Yearning for him: Every lover yearns for his/her beloved. If you find your heart yearning for him, and craving to see his face, know that this is a sign of true love for him, alayhisalam (Peace be upon him).

5. Respecting him and displaying humility at his mention

6. Loving those whom he loved: When we truly love someone we love those who brought happiness to the heart of our beloved.  Of those the Prophet ﷺ truly loved were Khadija, Aisha, Hassan and Hussain, the companions, and the Ummah (Muslim community) as a whole.

7. Love for the Qur’an

8. Naseeha (sincere counsel) for His community

9. Living without the Dunya

May these signs of love and compassion for our beloved Prophet ﷺ be prevalent in our daily lives, bringing us closer to drinking from his hands on the Day of Judgment and entering Jannah with him.