By Manal Hatab

Part I | Part II

This is the second part of this two part series for my fellow mothers to break an unyielding routine and infuse some meaning and order in to it. To read part one, please click here.

7. Have the Correct Perception and Keep a Good Perspective

I find much solace in the Prophet’s ﷺ (peace be upon him) supplication where he seeks that God grants him a true perception of reality: “O Allah, allow us to perceive the true nature of our affairs.”

اللهم أرنا الاشياء كما هي

It is truly a blessing to be able to know the reality of the world, so that we give things around us their proper due, by neither negating the worth of what is important, nor venerating what is worthless. When our perception of the world is aligned with the true understanding of the nature of dunya (this life) then our outlook at life is grounded in a reliance on Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). When we are afflicted with trying times, we are patient and find recourse through worship. When we are at ease, we are thankful and seek the pleasure of Allah (swt) through good deeds. The outward conditions of human beings are constantly changing and the best buffer to protect our hearts and ground our certainty in faith is beneficial knowledge. As mothers, we should seek beneficial knowledge to form and maintain a correct perception of the world and to adopt the correct and best perspective on affairs that affect our families. Beneficial knowledge incorporates both sacred knowledge and knowledge of the physical world. A believer can never divorce those two branches of knowledge from each other.

8. Seek Beneficial Knowledge

In this age of specialization, we often confine ourselves to one field of study. We fail to read and cultivate our knowledge at every level: be it spiritual or intellectual. Our need to be independent thinkers is weakened. “Read” was the first word revealed to our Prophetﷺ. He was ordered to seek knowledge embedded in both the Qur’an and creation. Creation in itself is like a book which harbors tremendous lessons and which promotes spiritual growth and an unceasing curiosity for learning.

Abu Hurayrah radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleases with him) relates that the Prophet ﷺ said, “For him who embarks on the path of seeking knowledge, Allah will ease for him the way to paradise.”

Beneficial knowledge is rooted in taqwa. (God consciousness).

“Be conscious of Allah [taqwa] and Allah teaches you. And Allah is knowing of all things.” (Qur’an 2:282)

As mothers, we need the type of knowledge which will support our journey in raising a future generation. Personally, I take on many roles during the day: educator, counselor, advocate, caregiver and more! In other words, I am constantly trying to build my character, by seeking knowledge so that I assume those roles responsibly

This is by no means an easy task as relationships are problematic by nature. It is important to be patient, exercise judicious behavior and learn to choose battles wisely. Such responsibilities require that moms build character through an understanding of such qualities as giving good counsel, and enjoining good and forbidding evil. Seeking beneficial knowledge in a rapidly changing world, which harbors all kinds of moral “isms” and which also encompasses so much diversity entails that mothers keep up with current issues to their best abilities and make time to create an intimate relationship with the Qur’an.

اللِّهُم انّفَعنِي بِمَا عَلَّمتَنِي وعَلِّمنِيِ مَا يَنفَعنِي

The Prophet ﷺ used to say, “O Allah, benefit me with what You have taught me, and teach me what is beneficial for me, and increase me in knowledge.” (Al -Tirmidhi)

9. Converse with the Qur’an through the Stories of the Prophets

Set time aside to develop an intimate relationship with the Qur’an. Maintaining a close relationship with the Qur’an through a thorough study of the stories of the prophets has influenced my character in unimaginable ways. The language of the Qur’an is universal and addresses all human beings in their varying constitutions; that by itself is a miracle. Delving into the trials of the prophets and learning how they manifested humility, patience and gratitude empowers the believer to build a strong character, armed with knowledge and certainty. Furthermore, the relationship that the prophets had with their Creator Who chose them for a great mission but also nurtured them and prepared them for such a task sheds light on His infinite mercy. He is Ar-Rab, the Lord who nurtures His servants and continuously guides them through His light.

لَقَدۡ كَانَ فِى قَصَصِہِمۡ عِبۡرَةٌ۬ لِّأُوْلِى ٱلۡأَلۡبَـٰبِ‌ۗ مَا كَانَ حَدِيثً۬ا يُفۡتَرَىٰ وَلَـٰڪِن تَصۡدِيقَ ٱلَّذِى بَيۡنَ يَدَيۡهِ وَتَفۡصِيلَ ڪُلِّ شَىۡءٍ۬ وَهُدً۬ى وَرَحۡمَةً۬ لِّقَوۡمٍ۬ يُؤۡمِنُونَ

“There was certainly in their stories a lesson for those of understanding. Never was the Qur’an a narration invented, but a confirmation of what was before it and a detailed explanation of all things and guidance and mercy for a people who believe.” (Qur’an 12:111)

Prophets are exemplars to humankind and their stories are packed with lessons relevant to all times and places. It is our responsibility to approach the Qur’an with the intention to start a personal dialogue with Allah (swt)—through those stories—and to make the relevant connections to our times and life circumstances. More importantly, in those stories, we find all the values necessary to raise a righteous generation.

اللهم اجعل القرآن العظيم ربيع قلوبنا ونور صدورنا وجلاء همومنا

“O Allah, make the Qur’an the sweet spring of our hearts, the light of our breasts and the removal of our woes.”

10. Know that Faith is Experiential

It takes time to experience the different facets of belief. Each mother experiences faith differently, and her spiritual state will be more or less defined by her own cultural influences, educational background, and personality. The beauty of Islam lies in the fact that each one of us carries in her heart an understanding that God is personal, merciful and has perfect knowledge and full control of all affairs. Consequently, each mother should struggle in the ways that best befit the nature of her trials and always seek beneficial knowledge, which will increase her certainty and empower her own struggle.

I heard a sheikh once say, “Islam is bigger than Muslims,” in the sense that there is a place in it for all people with their diverse cultural practices, temperaments, weaknesses and strengths. We should be aware of this great quality of Islam, respect our own individuality, and find opportunities to learn and grow by sharing insights relevant to our unique human experiences while nurturing a strong sense of community.

اللهم ألف بين قلوبنا ، وأصلح ذات بينـنا ، واهدنا سبل السلام

“O Allah reconcile our hearts with love, resolve our broken affairs and guide us towards peace.”

11. Visit the Mosque

Salman Al-Farsi reported: The Prophet ﷺ said, “Whoever performs ablution well in his home and thereafter comes to the mosque, then he is the guest of Allah and it is a duty upon the host to honor his guest.”

As soon as I enter the mosque, I feel that peace and mercy have descended upon me. My host is generous, always ready to embrace me. It is usually a short visit but I am thankful for this feeling of solace and peace. I always leave uplifted as if the burden of the world has been removed from my chest. Whenever things get stressful, retreat for a short visit to the mosque.

اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْ فِي قَلْبِي نُورًا وَفِي لِسَانِي نُورًا وَاجْعَلْ فِي سَمْعِي نُورًا وَاجْعَلْ فِي بَصَرِي نُورًا وَاجْعَلْ مِنْ خَلْفِي نُورًا وَمِنْ أَمَامِي نُورًا وَاجْعَلْ مِنْ فَوْقِي نُورًا وَمِنْ تَحْتِي نُورًا اللَّهُمَّ أَعْطِنِي نُورًا

“O Allah, place within my heart light and upon my tongue light and within my ears light, and within my eyes light, and place behind me light and in front of me light and above me light and beneath me light. O Allah bestow upon me light.”

12. Navigate your Way with Love

The basic binding force for any family is love. Tranquility, affection and mercy are the pillars through which marital love evolves. Eventually, this love grows to embrace all members of the family.

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Qur’an 30:21)

Despite the struggles and trying nature of relationships, a mother’s role in any form or shape, should always be channeled through the qualities of affection and mercy. Such qualities breed patience and provide a sense of safety and tranquility at home. A safe environment sprung from love breeds a confident young generation with strong moral principles.

وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٲجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٍ۬ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

“And those who say, ‘Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.’” (Qur’an 25:74)

Conclusion

The constant distractions and disorderly nature of the world can become challenging for mothers. An intelligent plan, which is constantly reassessed, modified and personalized, contributes positively to maintaining a sense of peace and calm. I have shared a few suggestions, which make up my personal plan and support my journey as a parent. Those suggestions are by no means comprehensive or work for everyone. Consequently, it is important for each mother to reflect upon her personal struggles and find the appropriate channels through which she can restore balance to her daily routine. However, to ensure a rewarding plan, I suggest that all mothers approach the world and their families through the lens of love and affection and dive into their maternal journeys with noble intentions and ample supplications.

By Manal Hatab

Part I | Part II

Life is about the mundane for most of us moms. We wake up early in the morning to a strict schedule of school duty and chores. Many of us juggle between work and household duties, with hardly any support. As a mom, I am constantly looking for windows of opportunities to improve my condition and keep my emotional well-being in check. There are twelve suggestions in this two part series—for my fellow mothers—to break an unyielding routine and infuse some meaning and order into it!

1. Master a Skill

Human beings are created with different capabilities and means for ingenuity. It is important to realize those capabilities and cultivate them. I personally find solace and empowerment in writing, as I look forward to harnessing my intellectual energy into an orderly piece of work. Writing has proved to be a great outlet for me. Consequently, I advise mothers to tap into their hidden skills and experience a sense of worth by channeling them into purposeful activities. It is important to pursue and practice skills with the correct intention. Whether it is critical reading, public speaking, sewing, managing charitable events, organizing school activities, sharing professional expertise, or advocating for a cause close to her heart, each mother will find tremendous fulfillment in mastering a unique skill with the intention to create beauty around her and benefit others in her community. Involvement of any sort takes up time and requires that we are time conscious.

اللَّهُم أجعل أعمالى كلها صالحة ولوجهك الكريم خالصة وتقبلها منى ياربنا بقبول حسن

“Oh Allah! Purify my intentions so that I only seek your pleasure and accept my good deeds.”Oh Allah! Purify my intentions so that I only seek your pleasure and accept my good deeds.

2. Be Time Conscious

Imam Shafi’i radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) is quoted to have said: “Time is like a sword: if you don’t cut it, it will cut you.” Time management is empowerment. It is of essence, especially in planning the course of the day and snatching those few minutes to discover our potential and to rectify our spiritual states. I find myself constantly multitasking, and I am exhausted towards the end of the day. Every mother needs time to take care of her physical and emotional wellbeing; otherwise, she will be overburdened with life’s stressors and eventually lose focus. Plan everyday for some physical activity and attempt to meet a simple goal for self-improvement. A planner always comes in handy, as well as a checklist of goals. More importantly, supplicating for a blessed day, in which time is not squandered and each minute is invested in what is beneficial, makes a big difference. Personalize your morning supplications to reflect your daily objectives. Pray for yourself, family, friends and community.

اللَّهُم اجْعَلْ أَوَّلَ يَوْمِنا هذَا صَلاحَاً، وَأَوْسَطَهُ فَلاحَاً، وَآخِرَهُ نَجاحَاً

“O Allah, make the start of this day amendment, its middle prosperity and its end success.”

3. Be Active and Healthy

Exercise is great in controlling anxiety and general fatigue. Whether it is yoga or walking, engage in the type of exercise that will keep you going for the day.

Being vigilant about diet is equally important. There is a lot of literature on nutrition but a good start is to cut down on processed foods and avoid sugar, except for what originates from fresh fruits and vegetables. The elimination of processed food is key to a wonderful boost of energy. Whatever you do, make baby steps and instill changes gradually. Major changes can cause us to lose interest quickly. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ (peace be unto him) said: “By the One in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, the believer is like a bee which eats that which is pure and wholesome and lays that which is pure and wholesome. When it lands on something it does not break or ruin it.” (Ahmad)

The bee approaches the flower with gentleness, takes only the precious nectar, and gives pure honey. Similarly, the believer eats wholesome and pure food and takes his portion without conspicuous consumption. Buzz your way through a daily routine of clean eating, ample gentleness towards the environment, and lots of dhikr (remembrance).

اللّهُـمَّ عافِـني في بَدَنـي ، اللّهُـمَّ عافِـني في سَمْـعي ، اللّهُـمَّ عافِـني في بَصَـري ، لا إلهَ إلاّ أَنْـتَ

“O Allah, make me healthy in my body. O Allah, preserve for me my hearing. O Allah, preserve for me my sight. There is none worthy of worship but You.”

4. Invoke Him through Dhikr (Remembrance)

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “ There is a polish for everything that takes away rust; and the polish for the heart is the remembrance of Allah.” (Bukhari)

It is out of God’s infinite mercy that He attached rewards to utterances, which exalt Him, even if the one remembering Him does not fully internalize their meaning. Ibn Atallah (ra) beautifully captures the importance of being consistent in remembrance regardless of the state of the heart.

“Do not stop mentioning God just because your heart is not present. Forgetting Him completely is worse than being inattentive (ghaflah) while you are mentioning Him; perhaps He will elevate you from being inattentive to being attentive (yaqatha), and from being attentive to being fully present (hudoor) with Him, and from being fully present with Him to being fully absent from anything but Him.”

“And that is for Allah not difficult.” (Qur’an, 35:17)

I keep a rosary in my car, invoke dhikr, and send prayers to Prophet Muhammad ﷺ any time during the day. Whether you keep count or not, do not abstain from remembrance.

Ibn Mas’ud reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “I met Ibrahim on my Night Journey. He said, ‘O Muhammad, convey the greeting from me to your community and tell them that the Garden has good soil and sweet water. It is vast and its plants say, ‘Glory be to Allah. Praise be to Allah. There is no god but Allah. Allah is greater.’” (al-Tirmidhi) It is vast and its plants say, “Glory be to Allah. Praise be to Allah. There is no god but Allah. Allah is greater.” [al-Tirmidhi] nd tell them that the Garden has good soil and sweet water. It is vast and its plants say, “Glory be to Allah. Praise be to Allah. There is no god but Allah. Allah is greater.” [al-Tirmidhi]

سبحان الله، والحمد لله، ولا إله إلا الله، والله أكبر

5. Practice Conscious Contemplation

The Qur’an continuously reinforces the harmony that exists between man and nature. As Muslims, we are encouraged to seek the beauty in creation and ponder upon its signs.

“Have they not looked at the heaven above them – how We structured it and adorned it and [how] it has no rifts?” (Qur’an, 50:6)

“So observe the effects of the mercy of Allah – how He gives life to the earth after its lifelessness. Indeed, that [same one] will give life to the dead, and He is over all things competent.” (Qur’an 30:50)

With our fast-paced lives and continuous visual and auditory distractions, contemplation is a conscious effort, undertaken with the intention to unravel the meanings embedded in the universe. Some of us are exposed to beautiful geography while others seek beauty in natural occurrences. I have incorporated contemplation as part of a playground trip where I observe the beautiful hues of colors that decorate the sky at sunset and direct my child’s attention to the changes in the horizon. The cumulative learning experience is tremendous.

Contemplating creation provides great insight into the rhythmic patterns of nature, heightens the use of our five senses, elevates our level of consciousness and spiritual cognizance. It is an exercise, which drives the hearts to repentance and remembrance as God’s mercy unveils to those who ponder upon His signs.

“Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding. Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or [lying] on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], “Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire.” (Qur’an, 3:191-192)

رَبَّنَا مَا خَلَقۡتَ هَـٰذَا بَـٰطِلاً۬ سُبۡحَـٰنَكَ فَقِنَا عَذَابَ ٱلنَّارِ

6. Be Grateful

I often have to adjust my perspective and remind myself to be grateful, especially when things get stressful. The disposition of the believer is that of gratitude. The benefits are abundance in provision, patience and optimism. This characteristic is important, because it continues to be eroded in a modern world, which is afflicted with consumerism and instant self-gratification.

AlhamdulilLah (praise be to God) embodies the meanings of hamd (praise) and shukr (thankfulness) to the Lord of the animate and inanimate worlds. It leads to gratitude, which transpires through an acknowledgment that He is the only source of all blessing, through a conscious effort not to squander those blessings and an optimism, manifested in an active involvement to mend, improve and engage in good deeds. A strategy that works is to look at those less fortunate and occupy ourselves with charity work. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“When you see a person who has been given more than you in money and beauty, look to those, who have been given less.” (Muslim)

Jotting down our blessings can be a great daily exercise, which awakens feelings of gratitude. There is nothing more precious for children than to be surrounded by a content mother who verbalizes and practices gratitude.

اللهمَّ لك الحمد حتى ترضى، ولك الحمد إذا رضيت، ولك الحمد بعد الرضا

“O God, all praise is due to You alone until You are pleased.

And all praise is due to You alone when You are pleased.

And all praise is due to You alone after You are pleased.”

By Ismahan Abdullahi

One of life’s greatest miracles and gifts bestowed upon us is the blessing of life itself, especially when the life is in the form of a small bundle of joy who welcomes her new surroundings with a beautiful cry that calms the hearts of her parents and the medical staff surrounding her, all waiting to hear her first sound in this world. The formation of human beings in the womb of their mothers stands till this day as a scientific miracle and a great sign for mankind. Recently, my beloved mother was granted the blessing of delivering a healthy five pounds and five ounce baby girl. It is this sweet time that I have shared with my mother, as she labored tirelessly for days to take this baby girl from the protection and warmth of her womb to the cold, dark prison of the dunya (world), that I contemplated the true essence of worship and what it means to love Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (exalted is He) unconditionally and to run and flee to Allah (swt), the Creator of all that is beautiful, the Sustainer of all that exists and the Protector and Guardian of all.

Why do you Love Allah?

The first of the many lessons I learnt from this ordeal came in the form of contractions and the act of labor itself. My mother was in labor for many days, and for a woman who bore many children with ease, this was new to her.  Though she received the maximum dose of the epidural injection, it had no effect on reducing her pain in any way. As a daughter, seeing this level of pain on the features of your own mother and hearing her cries of agony feels worse than any feeling imaginable! Through this ordeal in which I attempted to comfort my mother, ask for her forgiveness, make du`a’ (supplication) for her, and support her to the best of my abilities, my mother turned to me with tears in her eyes and a pain filled half-smile and said in between contractions:

“If you want the best things in this life and the next, then you must prove to Allah that His gifts to you will not be a waste. Be willing to be grateful to Him and willing to bear His tests with patience and love.”

At that moment, I stopped quoting verses from the Qur’an and ahadith (records of the words and actions of the Prophet ﷺ, peace be upon him). I stopped trying to advise and comfort her. She didn’t need my comforting or motivation. Subhan’Allah (glory be to God), my mother was in great agony, and she chose this moment to teach me.  Teach me!  By the Lord of all that exists, only by the Mercy, Power and Love of Allah can a mother’s love overcome all forms of pain to teach the child she has already raised and delivered 23 years ago as she is delivering another one!  It was this moment that I contemplated and looked at my mother with awe and love in my eyes. At this moment I realized that truly, truly Allah is Great. Verily there is no comparison to Allah, for He is the First and the Last and there is none like Him.  I thought that if our love for Allah (swt) is that of the true love and devotion a servant should have towards his Lord, then how do we lose track of that love? How do we keep putting it off to the side in relation to everything else?! A mother’s love can be seen in how she takes a time that was very difficult for her and turned it around to make it into a positive teaching moment for her grown child. In that moment, she wasn’t focused on the pain. What she was going through did not stop her from doing her motherly task. What she was enduring did not prevent her from teaching me to understand that we must truly be grateful for the blessings of Allah (swt), even at the moment of delivery and great pain!

I thought to myself, the pains of childbirth did not prevent my mother from loving and turning to teach me. What then, of my love for Allah (swt)? Has this worldly life prevented me from truly loving and turning to Allah? Can I with all honestly say that every moment of my being is filled with loving Allah (swt) above all that He has created and given to me as blessings? Am I truly conscious of Allah (swt) at all times, as my mother was conscious of me as she delivered a child?  Allah (swt) told us in the Noble Qur’an that our wealth and our families should not prevent us from being conscious of Him.

“O you who have believed, let not your wealth and your children divert you from remembrance of Allah. And whoever does that—then those are the losers.” (Qur’an 63:9)

The things we tend to love and put the most effort in are caring for our families and acquiring wealth to live this life in comfort. Allah (swt) is reminding us not get too caught up in worldly matters that mean so much to us to such an extent that we find ourselves forgetting the One that should matter the most, the One that is the most defining aspect of our existence—Our purpose in this dunya is remembering and worshiping Allah (swt) from the core of our being and from the depths of our hearts at all times, and Allah (swt) is reminding us to keep this at the forefront of our minds even when dealing with other beloved matters. If we get lost in dunya and forget Allah (swt), then verily, we are losers and the loss is ours. What of the everyday mundane things and routine events that really do not matter even as much as family and our jobs, but take us away from the Remembrance of our Creator? The Prophet ﷺ, when asked about the excellence of faith or ihsan (good), said:

“It is to worship Allah as though you see Him, and though you do not see Him, you know that He sees you.” (Sahih Bukhari)

This was a statement that I used to take literally. How would I be if I saw Allah (swt)? In what state would He find me in all that I do and say? Would my heart be conscious of Him as I performed the acts of worship? Will I hasten to good deeds and to His Pleasure on a moment by moment basis? Would I be a humble and loving servant? What would I do to be near Him and to stay close to Him? Subhan‘Allah, our love of Allah (swt) should be unconditional and exemplify the true and realistic meaning of love. By unconditional, I mean that our love for Allah (swt) goes beyond the relationship of an individual who draws near to Allah (swt) solely for his or her dependency and need for a relationship with the Creator. There is none worthy of worship but Him, the Omnipotent King, the Holy, and the Giver of Peace. Yes, we need and depend on Allah (swt) for everything imaginable and beyond. Yes, we stand in great need of His Protection and Mercy and Guidance. Yes, every act that we do or every word that we utter should be to gain the Pleasure of the All-Mighty.

When someone does something for you, you love them dearly. But haven’t you met people who have never done a single thing for you or may not even know you well, yet you love them so deeply and affectionately for the Sake of Allah (swt) that you even keep them in your du`a’s?  What about our mothers? Do we love our mothers because of the hardship in which they bore us and raised us or do we love them because in addition to all that, they are our mothers first and foremost? There is no example equal to Allah (swt) and no just estimate to Allah (swt), but our love for the Almighty should be at a level where we love him so unconditionally that we do not look at just what He (swt) has done for us, and has gifted us with, and protected us from, but we look at the amazing fact that He is OUR Lord and we remember Him because of His Greatness.

If you were asked, “Why do you Love Allah?” what would your answer be? As a servant aware of Allah (swt) at all times and remembering Him no matter what, our awareness and remembrance should increase the depth of love in our hearts and widen our chests to fill it with faith and serenity.  What matters to us today may not live to see tomorrow, but our constant remembrance and love for Allah (swt) in all spheres of life follows no timetable.  May Allah (swt) make us amongst “those who remember Allah standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and think deeply about the creation of the heavens and the earth, (saying): “Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire.” (Qur’an 3:191)

 How badly do you want it?

There is a piece of flesh in our body that channels our inner most thoughts and desires and translates them into action. What we feed and broadcast into these channels is up to the soul and decisions of the individual. Either he does well for his heart and he is helped and guided by Allah (swt) or he follows the devil appointed to him. There are no other alternatives. Our spiritual heart allows us to take a peek into the state of our souls, and he succeeds who purifies it. Now, how badly do we want to purify our hearts and how serious is our commitment? The second lesson I learnt from my baby sister’s entrance into this world was regarding this commitment.

My mother gave birth at 12:40am alhamdulilah rabbil `alamin (praise be to God, Lord of the worlds). She was extremely exhausted from the long labor and sleepless nights and wanted a much needed rest. I asked her to sleep and told her that I would take care of my new sister. Only Allah (swt) knows of the constant worry in my heart and the sense of alertness I found myself in that night. Each minute that passed I would look at the clock and see if it was near to her feeding time. It seemed as if each second that passed I would get up from my chair and check to see if the blanket covered her or if she was sleeping soundly. Her first sneeze of the night left me panicking and wondering if the room was too cold or if something was wrong with her health. After her third sneeze, (which was 15 minutes after the first sneeze ) I remembered a hadith of the Prophet ﷺ about the indication of the third sneeze, so I called the nurse just to check if all her vital signs were normal and her health was in good condition. I didn’t trust my limited knowledge of biology; I called in the nurse for a sneeze! Subhan’Allah, I would try to sleep in between her feeding time but to no avail. The second I would close my eyes, the fear of oversleeping and missing her feeding time or her smothering herself with blankets would overcome me, so I gave up on sleeping soundly after the first attempt. My sweet mother was also in the same state, waking up every so often to check if everything was going smoothly and if the baby was drinking her milk just fine.  At times when exhaustion and sleep overtook me, I would close my eyes briefly to get some rest, only to jump up hastily wondering if I overslept only to see a mere 5-10 minutes had passed. This state of alertness came from a mind, body, and spirit focused entirely on the well being of my new baby sister.

This sense of vigilance and complete awareness came from me channeling all of my energy towards this young one and caring for her. Are we able to channel this type of energy into the purification of our hearts or direct such focus towards standing in front of our Lord in the last two thirds of the night? If we truly want to purify our hearts and we wanted to have qalbun salim (sound heart), then we can. If we truly want to be amongst those who have Allah (swt) in their hearts when they sleep and Allah (swt) in their hearts when they wake up for tahajjud (late night prayers), then we can. If we truly want to obey all of Allah’s commandments and stay away from what He has forbidden, then we can. It all depends on how badly we want it. How badly do we want to meet and converse with Allah (swt) in the middle of the night? How badly do we want to be a thankful servant to Allah (swt)?  Our sense of alertness coupled with complete consciousness of Allah (swt) should motivate us beyond description in attaining the true essence of worship. Our soul’s salvation depends on it. We always have excuses ready on why we are not working on our own self-development, why it is difficult to wake up for qiyam ul layl (night prayer), or difficult to pray our 5 daily prayers with concentration. They may sound like reasons and explanations in our heads, but quite frankly, they are excuses. What would have happened if I missed my sister’s feeding time saying, “Well, I really needed to sleep,” or “I had to finish a chapter in this book,” or “I had an exam to study for,” or even “I had a meeting for an Islamic event that is coming up.” All these are important for sure and should be a means of bringing us closer to Allah (swt), but I still missed the time for feeding and the child will wail due to hunger.  I wonder how we will react if our souls wailed every time they missed reading or hearing the Qur’an, every time they missed standing in front of their Lord with complete focus and love, every time we missed out on being spiritual.

Our souls need to be fed just as much as a baby needs to be fed. Allah (swt) has already told us what type of food truly satisfies our hearts and our souls; “Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured,“(Qur’an 13:28). We can be God-conscious individuals that flee to Allah (swt) and remember Him in all that we do. It is a matter of choice, a matter of fully turning our hearts completely to the One who fashioned it. It is a matter of having a deep conviction and a true commitment to channel our innermost thoughts, desires, energy, and determination to focus on our actions, worship, deeds, and companionship with Allah (swt) in this world. May Allah (swt) make us of those who say “…I hastened to You, my Lord, that You be pleased.” (Qur’an 20:84)

Mothers are in the daily “trenches” of changing diapers, helping with homework, cooking dinner, disciplining and running between work, picking kids up from school, and soccer games. These daily acts of service to her family can encompass her so completely that she loses balance and perspective of herself. When a woman loses the deeper spiritual significance of motherhood, she may feel that the duty of a mother is to martyr herself for her family by putting everyone else’s needs ahead of her own. But carrying all the burdens and difficulties is not the path to being a good mother. In fact it only depletes a woman, and may even build resentment, making her think that her children and her family “owe” her, as payback for her “martyrdom.”

As the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) taught us: “A person’s wealth shall not decrease with charity.” What better charity is there than the charity of a mother helping her family? However, as with all forms of giving, the reward is in the giving, not in what is paid back to us by those we give to. Indeed all forms of giving benefit the donor, when done right.

Motherhood is a journey that allows one to witness the growth of a child as well as instill growth in women by making them stronger and wiser. Allah blesses women with children and in turn mothers make a promise to Allah to nurture children into adulthood. Through the process of parenting children, one realizes that it is also about role modeling a balanced and healthy lifestyle to children. Being a mother is not being a martyr. Rather it is respecting the trust and responsibility of raising children as well as respecting yourself as a strong woman. Children will respect their mothers as women who service their families for the sake of Allah. The responsibility of motherhood makes a woman grow stronger physically, mentally and spiritually because she is tested in all areas. She learns to stretch herself to serve those around her with the ultimate purpose of pleasing Allah, while at the same time not losing herself. A mother should not simply become weaker through her giving, but stronger and more balanced.

Here are six ways mothers can find balance and stay focused in order to get through the tough days of parenting as well as enjoy the journey of motherhood:

1. “I will remind myself daily that my time with my children is precious.”

Childhood will end one day and my “baby” will soon be an adult. Our children are changing daily and maturing into an adult. Parenting is celebrating the everyday moments more than focusing on the milestones of our children’s life. Spending quality time with our children and making time to communicate and share with our children is what will be remembered. The mundane activities in our life are the ways we connect daily with our children, so we need to see them more as experiences of connection rather than activities we just need to get through and move on to the next.

2. “I will take care of myself.”

Physically, mentally and spiritually. By constantly giving attention to our children and husband, we many times forget to take care of ourselves or we put our needs at the bottom of the list. Some mothers don’t even put themselves on the list at all. But as mothers we can only give as much as we have, and if we do not refill our own tanks then we will have nothing left to give. Taking care of our bodies through exercise is vital for our physical health as well as boosting our overall mood and energy. Spending time exercising is not selfish, unnecessary or extra. It must be seen as a priority in order to be able to do our duty as a mother. Taking care of our mental and spiritual self is also vital because this is the area that is most challenged and drained from us when raising our children. The intention of our daily prayers is to help us refocus and slow down our hectic lives, especially as mothers. Since women are the “heart” of a household, we must find inner peace in order for the family to feel in balance. Finding and sustaining self-confidence and happiness will manifest to our children and husband.

3. “I am not a perfect mother.”

Many Muslim mothers have extremely idealistic views of parenting or high expectations of themselves as mothers. Our children do not need us to be perfect and they actually will easily forgive us when we acknowledge our mistakes and show our imperfections. We must accept that we will make mistakes which will be opportunities for us to grow and become smarter moms for future challenges. We need to forgive ourselves and release ourselves of the burden of striving for perfection. We need to eliminate the thinking that other moms have attained perfection and they do everything right. We can only do the best that we can with what we have and we should focus on the things that matter – our relationships with them. Dinners won’t always be amazing, the dishes won’t always be clean, and laundry will pile up, but when our kids become adults they won’t remember any of that; rather they will remember the time they spent and the conversations they had with us.

4. “I will make my marriage a priority.”

Children place a huge strain on a marriage, especially for mothers of young children. Many mothers focus entirely on the needs of their children and in the process neglect their relationship with their husband. Physical and emotional exhaustion leave women with little energy left to give to their husband and this attitude of “nothing left to give” can cause disconnection in the marriage. It is vital that we find balance in our marriage alongside parenting because not only is it good for our children to witness a healthy relationship, but it is also good for our mental health. The companionship of a spouse is one that will supersede our relationship with our children, especially as children grow older. We must maintain a loving connection to our spouse so that we can grow old together and be further bonded to one another after the children are grown and married. This means we can’t put our marriage “on hold,” rather we must maintain a bond of friendship and love through the trying times of parenthood. It is vital we spend time alone with our husband so that we can see each other through the lens of a spouse and not only as a caregiver to our children. Going on “date nights” and weekend outings as a couple is vital for the bond to be maintained and sustained.

5. “I will value my friendships.”

Connecting and sharing with other women helps us to realize the commonality in our struggles as mothers and women. Having sisters and girlfriends in our life makes us stronger because these relationships nurture us emotionally and help us manage the stress in our lives. Our girlfriends and sisters have a special place in our lives that even our husbands cannot fill or replace. Making time to connect with our friends will help us feel happier and recharged so that we are able to give to our children and husband. Talking to and going out with girlfriends is vital for mothers to boost their connection to other women. It will improve our moods and fill our tanks so that we can give to our children and better connect with our husbands.

6. “I will prioritize family dinners.”

Eating together as a family is a daily activity of bonding. Routines in children’s lives can foster a deep sense of security. Creating traditions such as eating together is meaningful to our daily lives because it is a time the family comes together to share their day and connect with one another. Research has shown children who regularly have dinner with their families are more likely to do better and make good choices with regard to friends, drugs and sex. Bringing everyone together daily will create a more communicative family dynamic, and the tradition of food, conversations and joy will be the memories that everyone will cherish.