Photo: Ania Mendrek

Each year I let my family know I will not be celebrating Christmas with them. Last year my mother gave us gifts that said they were from Santa Claus. At the time, I was pregnant and it became even more important to me that we distance ourselves from non-Islamic religious holidays. I know growing up how great the time was each year, and I hate making my parents feel so bad. I am not quite sure how to explain it to them anymore. I am stuck between my mother with major anxiety and my husband who doesn’t quite understand why it is so difficult for them. Yet another year is coming, and I now have a little girl, and I have to explain to my mother why I cannot see her at this time of year. I just saw them last month, and my mother already told me she has purchased “Christmas” gifts.   What should I do or say to them that will make it easier?

Answer:

You are having a difficult time reconciling the importance of Christmas for your parents while desiring to raise your daughter adhering to Islamic traditions. It sounds like your husband does not understand the tension you are feeling when disappointing your parents year after year. You and your husband may not have discussed in detail how you would celebrate holidays given that your parents come from a different tradition, before getting married. Since your experience is completely foreign to your husband, he may not understand the significance of the holiday for your parents and the traditions they created with you as a child. It can be very difficult for parents whose children convert to Islam to understand that “family traditions” will no longer be celebrated because of their child’s new beliefs.

You and your husband will need to discuss how you wish to approach holidays with your parents and share this information together with your parents. Every family chooses to manage the holidays differently and these opinions may change as their children grow older. Depending on what you are comfortable with, you may choose to distance yourself from your family all together during the holidays or you may choose to join your parents in their tradition. You and your husband will have to decide together what is the best approach for your family. If you have shared with your parents that you do not celebrate Christmas and they insist on giving you and your children gifts, then you and your husband need to reconcile the idea of accepting gifts from family. Is it a challenge to your faith or an expression of love and generosity from your parents? Emulate the love you have for your parents by understanding where they are coming from and communicating with them your thoughts and views. As your children grow and new traditions develop, your parents may learn to adapt their traditions to what is more comfortable to you and your husband and even join you in your religious traditions as well.

VMCounselors was a collaborative advice column produced by two previous website authors, Amal Killawi, a Clinical Social Worker with a specialization in mental health and marriage education, and Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine, a Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in premarital counseling. Please note that our counselors are not religious scholars and will not issue religious rulings. 

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Answer:

Thank you for your question.

From the Sunnah (tradition of the Prophet ﷺ, peace be upon him)

It is reported in authentic collections of hadith (narrations of the Prophet ﷺ), such as al-Bukhāri’s, that the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) allowed Thumāma bin Athāl to be held in the mosque in Medina before his conversion to Islam. This is used by the majority of scholars to prove that people of other faiths can enter mosques. It is also well established that the Christians of Najrān visited the Prophet’s mosque. Both of these reports are important in understanding the following verse of Qur’an,

“Indeed the polytheists are filthy so do not let them near the sacred mosque after this year” (Qur’an 9:28).

Opinions of the Fuqahā

Regarding people of other faiths being refused entry into mosques, the scholars had four opinions:

1. It was only for the sacred mosque in Mecca
2. It was for Mecca
3. It was for all mosques
4. It was for the Hajj and ‘Umra only (meaning they are not allowed to make Hajj or Umra)

The first opinion was that of Imam al-Shāf’i, the second Imam Ahmad’s, the third Imām Mālik’s and the fourth was Imām Abū Hanifa’s.

The Stronger Opinion

The stronger opinion is Abu Hanifa’s based on the authentic hadith of Thumama mentioned above and the statement of the Caliph ‘Ali after this verse was revealed, “No polytheist should observe pilgrimage after this year.”

What Does Filthy Mean?

As for the word “filthy” majority of the scholars hold that it is a spiritual filth not a physical one, since there is a legal consensus that all humans are considered pure. Hence a Muslim man is allowed to hold his non-Muslim wife’s hand without making wudu and even engage in intercourse with her, the ghusul (ritual bathing) being for their sexual relation, not because of her faith.

Sh. Sābouni wrote:

“The majority opinion is correct (that they are not physically filthy) because we are allowed to interact with them (even buy things from them like food) without prohibition.”

A Crucial Point

Even scholars who forbade Non-Muslims from entering the mosques allowed it if there was a benefit of da’wah (outreach) or creating good relations.

“If there is a benefit of da’wah, increasing good relations or improving the image of Islam, it is allowed.”

We at the ISBCC strive to dedicate ourselves to an authentic expression of Islam that best suits our realities here. Showing others our faith and our community is from the objectives of shariah (Islamic law) and it is in upholding them that we follow the fatwa (ruling) of Imām Abu Hanifa radi Allahu anhu (May God be pleased with him).

Allah knows best.

Imam William Webb

By Leila Adam

Last night, my Mum and I braved the icy wind and went to the mosque to listen to a talk by a visiting Malaysian scholar. Many people were leaving the mosque after Isha prayer as we arrived, so I half wondered if the talk had been cancelled. But there was a small group of men gathered around in the men’s hall and when they knew that a couple of women had turned up, they put the microphone on so we could hear.

Sitting in a cold mosque with faint speakers on a wild night, where the wind outside was louder than the man’s voice, it would have been easy to dismiss it all and go home, but I was suddenly overcome by one of those rare feelings of peace that wash over you, and I knew that we were in a good presence.

When he started to talk about ‘the challenges of being in a non-Muslim country,’ I thought “Here we go, he’s going to say the clichéd bit about keeping up with religion when those around you are heedless,” – but no! Instead, he spoke the words I’ve been hoping to hear a public speaker say for the longest time.

He said that the general people in these countries have inherent goodness and good morals. That their natural, God-given fitrah (innate disposition) is alive and well and they’re doing the best they know how to do in their limited dunya (worldy) paradigm. That, deep down, they know “Alastu biRabbikum (Am I not your Lord?),” “Balaa, Shahidnaa (Yes, we have testified)!”– but they don’t know how to apply it (Qur’an, 7:172). And that all they need is for Muslims in these countries to have the kind of upright character that will make them notice the beauty of Islam and turn to it, so that they can do as well for their akhirah (hereafter) as they have for their dunya (worldly life).

Hooray and alhamdulilLah (praise be to God)! Finally, a voice that speaks of love for the people of a non-Muslim country. Finally, a perspective of fairness in opportunity for all peoples to have the blessing of eternal success. So refreshing, after hearing that same old guarded, introspective ‘protect yourself from the kafirs (disbelievers)’ mentality. Finally, a perspective that truly reflects the Prophetic perspective of the whole world being part of his ministry and in that sense, being also part of his ummah (global community).

He spoke about Muslims proclaiming Islam one minute and in the next wracking their brains about how much profit they can squeeze out of their customers, rather than thinking of their careers as a positive contribution to society and as a khidma (service) to humanity. “If you’re going to be a chef,” he said, “Be the best and most upright chef you can be.” Replace your secular thinking with the mindset of iman (faith). Then, and only then, will Allah turn to you as a community and change your situations.

Alhamdulillah, it was worth braving the cold night. Those men who left the mosque before the talk don’t know what they missed.