To some Muslims, the words “Islamic school” immediately conjure negative connotations: backwards mentality, lower standards of education, strict supervision, unprofessional attitude, and so on. In fact, even supporters of Islamic schools for younger children would shun the idea of sending a middle-schooler or even a high-schooler to an Islamic school, saying, “I want to expose my child to the real world.” This article is written in response to the aforementioned points.

Offering “Real World” Experience in an Islamic Environment

There is a misconception that sending your child to an Islamic school completely alienates them from the rest of society. In reality, Islamic schools function just as public schools do, but offer the safety and comfort to children that is much-needed during their formative years. What part of sending our children to an Islamic school takes them out of the “real world?” Could it be our own subconscious feelings of inferiority that cause us to feel this way?

Shedding the “Mom and Pop” Image

Many critics of Islamic schools are locked in a time warp when most schools were run as family businesses.  Today, not only are many schools run by credentialed principals and administrators, but they also only hire credentialed teachers. In addition, many schools undergo a grueling evaluation process to become nationally accredited, eliminating the potential for sub-standard educational practices. The bar has been raised years ago to meet the community’s expectations and demands for quality education as well as a healthy, spiritual environment.

Developing a Positive Identity

In a book titled, “The Worried Child,” author Paul Foxman, PhD, addresses the issue of a lack of a religious/ethnic identity as a source of anxiety in children (p 94). The author also mentions that children who belong to a religious minority can feel “out of place, misunderstood, or even ostracized by their peers” when there are few or no other children of their religion in the same school. While some public schools have a sizable Muslim population, students may still feel the overwhelming effects of being in the minority. Foxman’s statement points to a positive aspect of sending our children to Islamic schools. There is a clear contribution to the positive development of a child when they have a strong sense of belonging. In addition, another study on identity and mental health states that belonging to and understanding one’s identity promotes an overall sense of well-being (see Erikson, 1968; Marcia, 1966).

Although understanding and feeling comfortable with one’s identity can be accomplished outside of an Islamic school, sending one’s child to an Islamic school can establish these feelings as part of a holistic approach. While children learn about Qur’an, its language, and the history of Islam, children also get to partake in Muslim celebrations and understand special events en masse, as part of a larger group. In this way, the child who attends an Islamic school will tend to develop positive self-esteem in a natural setting–one that does not seem forced or artificial.

Providing a Healthier Environment

Oftentimes, parents feel that by fifth or sixth grade, their children have received enough education in a Muslim environment, and so they want to send them to a public school, specifically to adapt to the “real world.” While Islamic schools do not shield children from the negative aspects of popular culture, there is a clear difference in the overall environment one’s child remains in for eight hours of school every day.

Those of us who attended public middle and high schools growing up can attest to the strong culture of dating, peer pressure to drink, to try drugs, to attend Homecoming and Prom, and so on. Despite being one of two Muslims in the entire school, I had an overall positive school experience. Nevertheless, the choice to constantly reject all the above was, at times, overwhelming.

To prepare our children for college and the workforce, we feel the need to ensure that our children interact with the “outside world” for experience. However, the years from middle school to high school feature the greatest hormonal changes. Being surrounded by scantily-clad students and couples of all types in extremely intimate situations is a very common, everyday occurrence in public high schools.

Increasing Pressures in a Sexualized World

Here’s something to consider: why knowingly provide an environment where a teenager is inundated with such temptations, if a viable Islamic school is a feasible option? With the popularity of Facebook and the ease of creating an online alter-ego, and the increasing pressure to have sex, to question one’s sexual identity, coupled with a teenager’s increasing hormonal changes, why not alleviate this pressure by sending your child to an institution that encourages and teaches the complete opposite?

While some may say, “well, get used to it,” let us instead realize that the middle and high school years are as intense as no other period in a student’s life. College campuses do have similar issues, but not to the same extent as in high school.  In addition, peer pressure is more avoidable in college, as students have a wealth of peers to choose from and class schedules are varied and staggered. Furthermore, in terms of their development, many students are more mature in college than in their earlier teenage years.

The Prophetic Example

Finally, let us look at the example of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) on this last point.  Amina, Prophet Muhammad’s mother, made the effort to send her son to be raised in the desert, where the environment was more pure. Times have changed, but the idea of sending our children to a successful Islamic school to protect them should still be seen as positive and not negative.

Once during the Prophet’s youth, he had wanted to attend a wedding in Mecca with some other boys to see what such a festivity would be like. Just outside the place, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ could hear music and dancing. Before he entered, he suddenly felt tired and decided to sit. He fell asleep and did not wake up until the next morning. If there were any person who should keep up-to-date with what is going on in society, so that he may know how to give da`wah (to invite others to the path of Allah) or so that he could understand his people, it would be Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. Yet, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exhalted is He) chose to prevent him from attending this event for his own protection.

Conclusion

After all is said, it is time to shed our old views on Islamic schools and take a fresh look at what they have to offer. As a mother of four children who went to four different Islamic schools since 2005 (the change of schools being due to moving), it is my experience that these schools provide quality education within a safe, moral environment. Are Islamic schools perfect? No, but do the benefits far outweigh the negatives, contributing to an overall positive, spiritual and educational experience? Yes.

In her article The Balancing Act of Being Female, Lisa Wade discusses the daily-battle women face in their struggles to conform to the expectations of an over-sexualized society. From dress to demeanor, all is sized up and judged for social appropriacy; when being flirty is appealing, and what crosses the line into ‘asking for it.’ At the workplace, she ought to be ‘proper’ but not in the least ‘prudish,’ and a slight misdemeanor may just spill over into inappropriately ‘cheeky’ and wholly undesirable.

Unfortunately, many women subject themselves to these pressures as they dress to convey the attitude the occasion demands. Often, this pressure goes unnoticed and is mistaken for the woman’s freedom and natural right to look good and feel desired. Sadly, this makes women spend more than they’re able, attempting to get the right look and hoping to win the nod of approval from a society that objectifies their femininity.

That said, the pressure it builds on women who are unable to conform to these expectations is brutally oppressive. One of my students stopped me on my way to class, holding back her tears, and desperate for help. She expressed that wished to end her life because ‘everyone hates me and makes fun of me because I am ugly and I am not feminine enough.’ The girl was intelligent and hardworking, but suffered terrible pressure from peers because she did not dress, wax, or style her hair like other girls. I was revolted by our inability to accept human beings as they are without trying to smooth the rough edges, making us all clones of the ideal stereotype.

This ideal stereotype is reinforced relentlessly through advertisements and the entertainment industry, exercising enormous influence on our minds. Grotesque billboards stare down at the city telling us how ‘Slim is the in thing,’ while T.V. commercials tell us that not having the latest cellphone or the perfect skin makes one worthless. It tells us that people who stutter stand no chance at all for their appalling, socially incorrect inability.

The images, stereotypes, and values created by the entertainment, cosmetic, and advertising industries are insensitive. They add pressure on women to look, dress, and act a certain way, or otherwise be condemned to social marginalization. Additionally, the commercial ethic values physicality more than anything else, and the pressure this creates smothers the natural diversity of human beings.

God made us in varying shapes, sizes, colors, and personalities because that is how the world was meant to be. This diversity is instead painted in a plastic hue in one unvarying, flat stroke of sameness. Women mutilate their own bodies to feel more accepted: Botox, nose-jobs, liposuction, and plastic surgeries have been steadily on the rise.

That said, the Muslim veil takes on a certain significance. For me, it has always meant a refusal to subject myself to judgment by a commercialized, over-sexualized society. It is immensely liberating from the pressure of conforming to societies superficial standards. In other words, it is a refusal to subject myself to judgment based on how I look or what I wear, and a means to turn away the lustful stare of an onlooker. The veil raises me onto a more spiritual and intellectual plane, and this defines my social interaction while deflecting attention away from physicality. It is, truly- liberation.

“So, what did you study?” a family acquaintance inquires.

“I finished my bachelors in psychology and masters in social work. I’m a social worker now,” I reply.

“Oh,” the woman responds. A look of sheer disappointment falls across her face. “Why didn’t you become a doctor? You’re smart enough to become a doctor!”

Those of us who have chosen “non-traditional” careers – basically any career outside of medicine, engineering, and more recently business and law – can probably recall similar encounters. Many of the elders in our community continue to propagate the idea of a career hierarchy; medicine is considered the ultimate ideal, followed by engineering, law, and then business. While these are noble professions, they are by no means the only ones available to our community. We are a people of diversity; God created and endowed each person with unique characteristics, talents, and skills to be utilized in varying professional fields.

Unfortunately, many parents continue to espouse the idea that certain careers are best, sometimes forcing their children to major in subjects they have no interest in or are beyond their capabilities. Most parents are well intentioned, hoping to ensure a positive future for their children. They may have faced many hardships and want a better life for their offspring. Some parents are living their dreams through their children, as they may not had the chance to complete their own education. Still, there are parents who insist on specific professions solely for prestige among their social circle. Regardless of the reason, when children are pressured into certain careers, the consequences can be detrimental to their relationship with their families, as well as their self-confidence. Pressure may lead to resentment, depression, shame, and low self-esteem.

In my counseling experience, I have worked with students who were struggling to reconcile their parents’ expectations with their personal career goals. Some of those students were torn between obeying and pleasing their parents and wanting a satisfying career. I remember one student in particular, who was depressed because she continuously failed her science courses. She was not the least interested in the subject matter, but she faced a lot of pressure from her family to become a doctor.

In contrast, students who pursue a profession of their choice are more likely to excel in their work. When their careers match their interests, they will reap the emotional rewards and be better contributors to society. Our youth should be encouraged to consider from the plethora of professional fields available.

A study conducted by Cornell University in 2002 found that American Muslims were underrepresented in law, journalism, and entertainment, while they tended to pursue careers in medicine and engineering. We know that there is a huge career disparity in our community. The good news is that after 9/11, there has been an increase in the number of students choosing alternative career paths. Muslims have learned the hard way how important it is to change the negative perception of our community and play a more active role in society. We must be more involved in the political and social issues impacting the world today. It is an obligation in our faith to serve our communities and be of benefit to the societies we live in. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) came as a mercy to all of humanity. If we restrict ourselves to certain occupations, we are doing a disservice to the human race.

Think for a moment about the array of professions it takes to build a community. We need educators, entrepreneurs, artists, social workers, psychologists, academics, chaplains, politicians, journalists, researchers, attorneys, and many more.

If you had a mental health problem, who would you talk to? How will our non-profit organizations and institutions function without managing directors? Who will advocate on behalf of Muslims? Who will research American Muslim issues? All of these careers serve our communities and are equal in the eyes of Allah. As long as career choices are within the bounds of Islam and are pursued with the intention to serve Allah and His creation, they will be rewarded. A career today is much more than just a financial pursuit; it is a lifestyle and an opportunity to gain entry into paradise. Having the ability to choose how best to serve others and gain the reward of Allah is invaluable.

Amal Killawi is a clinical social worker who provides counseling and conducts research.

Reprinted from The CommUnity Journal.