But some of us will not be able to take part in all the things that make this month so special.

Some of us may have to take medicines or are anemic or are going through a difficult pregnancy and cannot fast.

Some of us may be bedridden for a large part of the month and will not be able to pray taraweeh (Ramadan night prayer).
And some of us may be so ill that we cannot even lift the Qur’an to recite it.

But it is easy to compare ourselves to others, or to our old selves, and it easy to confuse means for ends. What makes fasting, praying taraweeh, and reciting the Qur’an so special are not the actions in and of themselves, but rather that they are done in obedience to Allah (swt) and in hope of His mercy, love and rewards. They are the means, and God’s pleasure is the ends.

For example, fasting is forbidden on the days of Eid. An act that has so much virtue as both an obligatory act during Ramadan and a voluntary one outside of Ramadan actually becomes a sin on the days of Eid. Not fasting during those days becomes an act of worship and obedience, and thus an action that brings us closer to the Most High.

Remember that at the very essence, it is your intention that is important. Had you been in good health, you would have fasted and done all the things that your health permitted. The Prophet ﷺ described two men: one man whom God has bestowed upon wealth and knowledge, and he acts upon that knowledge and gives from his wealth; and another man whom God has given knowledge but no wealth, and that man says, “If I had the wealth he had, I would do the same”. The Prophet ﷺ said “And they are rewarded the same”. (Ibn Majah)

So when you see the people and think, “If I was ok, I would be fasting this month,” or when your family leaves the house to pray taraweeh and you say, “I wish I could have been with you,” you are rewarded exactly the same as those who are doing the actions. In the eyes of God, you are just as special as the person praying all night; as the person completing the Qur’an; as the one who is thirsty and tired from his fast.

Moreover, you have a special relationship with Allah (swt) through your illness. The Prophet ﷺ tells us, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that,” (Bukhari). In another narration, a companion visited the Prophet ﷺ when he was ill. The Prophet ﷺ told him: “No Muslim is afflicted with any harm but that Allah will remove his sins as the leaves of a tree fall down,”  (Bukhari).

Thus you are in the realm of God’s forgiveness as you are ill. Moreover, there is a different type of need for God when we fall all. The Prophet Job called to Allah (swt) in his illness:

“Indeed, adversity has touched me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful.” (Qur’an, 21:83)

Your calling to Him in your illness is a form of worship, one that many others may never experience. Moreover, any patience that you show is appreciated by Allah (swt). He tells us in the Qur’an: “Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.” (Qur’an, 39:10)

Remember that the point of worship is not to break you, but to build you. Once the Prophet ﷺ walked into the mosque and saw a rope hanging in between its two pillars. He asked, “What is this rope?” The people said, “This rope is for Zainab who, when she feels tired, holds it (to keep standing for the prayer.)” The Prophet ﷺ said, “Do not use it. Remove the rope. You should pray as long as you feel active, and when you get tired, sit down.” (Bukhari)

Whatever actions you are able to do, no matter how small they appear to be, can only be truly quantified by God Himself. Allah (swt) will not judge you for the actions that you were not able to do, and it would be a distraction to focus on them. Rather if you can do other things – supplications, remembrance, charity – God will reward you for your seeking alternative ways to come close to Him. And even if you cannot do anything at all, Allah (swt) knows; the Most Generous rewards you for what you would have done.

And if your heart still aches because you actually love to worship Allah (swt) through fasting or taraweeh or Qur’an and you are unable, your love for that act of worship is loved by God, who rewards you for that love. A man was asked why he recited Surat al-Ikhlas in every prayer – something that we might criticize him for because it is a ‘short’ surah (chapter) – but he responded that, “It is because this surah describes the Most Merciful, and therefore I love to recite it.” Upon hearing the man’s reply, the Prophet said: “Tell that man that Allah loves him.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Your love for certain acts of worship is appreciated and loved by God.

So if you are going through this Ramadan in illness, remember that you, too, are loved by Allah (swt). Even when you cannot take part in the actions of this month, Allah’s mercy, love and forgiveness descend upon you like they do for the fasting person, the one in night prayer, and the Qur’an reciter. You are with them in rank.

Say, ‘In God’s grace and mercy let them rejoice.’ That is better than all they accumulate. (Qur’an, 10:58)

Today is one of the happiest days for millions of Muslims all over the world. While we’re sad to see the blessed month of Ramadan go, we’re so grateful for having completed a month of intense fasting and detoxification; a month meant to cleanse our hearts, minds and bodies so we can be closer to God with our souls and spirits. We experienced a special sweetness of faith during this past month, and now we celebrate with family and friends, fun festivities, delicious food and sweets of all kinds.

As we rejoice and celebrate, we can also remember that we have another happy camper celebrating too. He was locked up during Ramadan, and he just gained his freedom. For the last month, he’s been watching millions of Muslims fill up the masajid, pray intensely during the night, supplicate fervently to Allah, give abundantly in charity, and feel more motivated to do good than ever before. He saw Muslims who would drink often now stopped drinking; people who didn’t feel like praying before want to pray regularly; believers who never opened the Qur’an throughout the year choose to read it and contemplate its meanings. He saw Muslims who envied and hated one another stand side by side in prayer and become the closest of brethren. Before, they were held back by his whispers and their sins, distractions, temptations. Now that weight is lifted, so they picked up speed and worship became easier and more enjoyable. So, he was chained and they were freed. He was restrained so we could be liberated.

Have you seen people who live for a cause? They eat, sleep, breathe and die for their work. Imagine if these people were prevented from living their passion; and not only that, but imagine that they watched all their life’s efforts being destroyed right before their eyes. They have no control and can’t change what happened. It would probably make them sad, frustrated and angry. If they were given the power and freedom again, they could at least rebuild what was destroyed and fix what was broken.

Of all non-human creation, Satan is probably the most passionately committed to his cause. Yet, his mission in life is not to build, but to destroy. His sole purpose is to mislead and deviate and burn, as is his nature. Speaking to God, he said, “I swear by Your might! I will tempt all of them, except Your sincere servants,” (Qur’an, 38:82-3). So now that he’s liberated, he’s not just walking towards us casually; he’s coming back with a vengeance.

Fasting is designed by God to increase our taqwa. While taqwa is often translated as God-consciousness, its linguistic root connotes protection from harm. Fasting is a shield that protects us from harming ourselves and others, that protects us from the harmful effects of our sins. It’s a shield that protects us from getting burned by Satan’s tricks, and ultimately, from getting burned by the Fire. One of Satan’s tactics is to make us indulge in our physical pleasures, cravings, and desires in the most unbridled way.  He wants to ignite the animalistic tendencies within us and make us pursue these pleasures as ends in and of themselves, not as means for livelihood and lawful well-being.

Out of God’s mercy, He restricts our access to these two pleasures during fasting so that they don’t consume us and define our being. Through fasting, our relationship with these desires becomes less obsessive and animalistic, and more tamed and disciplined. So, when the month-long training is over and we’re back on the battlefield with Satan, his avenues to our hearts and minds are tightened and restricted. If we choose to broaden those pathways and re-indulge in our desires again, we invite him back into the very veins that run through our bodies; but if we feed these instinctual appetites in moderation and through the proper channels, we loosen Satan’s grip and become freed to nurture a deeper spiritual relationship with God throughout the year.

God says in the Qur’an, “O Believers, do not follow in Satan’s footsteps—if you do so, he will urge you to indecency and evil; and if it were not for God’s grace and mercy towards you, not one of you would ever have attained purity. God purifies whoever He wills; and God is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (24:21)

During the blessed month of Ramadan, we may have gained more spiritual awareness, clarity and focus, and even felt a deep desire to become better Muslims, believers, and worshipers. Let’s not allow those feelings to dissipate and disappear just because Ramadan has passed. While the shade of Ramadan has left, the shade of God’s Mercy is everlasting. If God purifies whomever He wills, let’s also do our part in pursuing and recommitting to the path of purification. As Khurram Murad says, “The initial desire and ensuing effort to do and become good, is part of the continuing process of self development, a process that may begin at any point in life that you choose and continue till your last breath.” ((In the Early Hours: Reflections on Spiritual and Self Development, p. 10.))

So, before we get caught up in our busy lives and demands of family, work, or school again, now is the time to inculcate the good practices and habits we gained from Ramadan—no matter how small. Perhaps you didn’t used to pray sunan and voluntary prayers, and now you do. Maybe you would pray late often, and you found yourself praying more on time. Perhaps you would flirt a little much with the ladies, and during Ramadan you had some self-control. Maybe you were used to hearing or seeing shameful things, and you found it improper to do so during Ramadan. Perhaps you tried performing night prayers for the first time, and you absolutely loved it. Or maybe you didn’t feel the need to make du`a’ (supplication) before, but you poured your heart out to Him one night and felt an amazing, healing effect. Or maybe, like many people, you would think about food most of the day and fasting made you focus on more important matters like nourishing your soul.

What else? What other positive changes did you experience? Keep reflecting on your special moments and changes during Ramadan and hold on to those. Keep nurturing these feelings, habits and practices. Continue to fast, pray, read Qur’an, and forgive. Continue to shine with love, patience, and empathy. Give a little more than before, and don’t give up on yourself or on God’s mercy. Remember that Satan wants to take you away from God’s remembrance and bury you under layers of darkness and fleeting pleasures, but God is calling you to purity and peace, and to what gives you life.

So make this Eid a memorable one. Be happy and rejoice in God’s bounties and blessings, and start pursuing the endless opportunities for rising to greater spiritual heights.

`EID MUBARAK | Have a blessed `Eid!

May Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) accept your fasts, your prayers and your supplications; and may the blessings of Ramadan continue throughout the year! Ameen. Enjoy this joyous occasion with your loved ones and keep the Ummah in your prayers!

A Letter to the Heart that is Numb

To the heart that is numb,

Standing in taraweeh (Ramadan night prayers) while everyone is weeping – except you. Your friends talk about how exhilarating fasting is for them – but all you feel is irritation; and that is if you feel anything at all. Your du`as (supplications) are just words you repeat – without heart.

What is the point of all of it? Your actions are robotic. Monotone. Without soul.

You wish you could be like that person praying next to you in taraweeh who sobs during every prostration. You want to be the one passionately pleading with Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) with humility. Your hope is that you can be that person whose heart is broken before God.
You know what, though? You, too, are special to Allah (swt).

You who recites the Qur’an because you know it is good.

You who prays because Allah (swt) commanded you to.

You who attends lectures on Islam because you want to feel closer to Him.

The Prophet ﷺ told us that the person who recites the Qur’an and struggles with the recitation receives twice the reward: for their recitation and for their effort and struggle. Ibn Al-Qayyim used this hadith (tradition of the Prophet ﷺ) as the basis for his statement that the person who struggles to be devoted in prayer gets twice the reward: for the parts that he was devoted, and for his struggle to stay focused.

As long as you are trying, Allah (swt) is with you.

The fact that you get up to pray qiyaam (night prayer) even though you feel nothing is appreciated by Allah (swt). When you mouth the words to your du`a even when your heart is numb, Allah (swt) knows how you feel. And you are rewarded for that. Do not think that this will go to waste.

Allah (swt) gets it.
Because you are not worshiping a feeling. You do not bow down solely for that ‘high’. You prostrate only to the Lord of the feelings and the One who is the Most High. You submit to Him – through your prayers, fasting and supplication – because you know you have a Merciful, Just, Appreciative, Forgiving God, Who has the power to give life to everything that is dead.

Including your heart.

You know you have a Nurturing, Patient, Generous, Subtle and Kind Lord who is can bring back whatever is lost.

He can bring you back.

So to the heart that is numb: Do not give up just yet. Your heart is on a journey. You are first and foremost worshiping your Lord. And He has promised you:
“And those who strive for Us – We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good.” (Qur’an, 29:69)

As long as you are doing good, Allah (swt) will guide you and He is with you. Do you know what that means?

Imam Ash-Shawkani stated that Allah (swt) being with someone means more care, honoring and preference for the person.

And you what else? Allah loves what you do. He tells us:

“Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds – the Most Merciful will appoint for them affection.” (Qur’an, 19:96)

Allah will not only love you, but He will show that love for you. He will bestow His affection upon you, and your heart will feel it.

So keep trekking. Your heart will open – He is, after all, al-Fattah. Al-Fattah is He who opens whatever is closed; your heart included. You might wonder when and how, but just know that it will happen. It could be on the last night of Ramadan or it could be a month after Ramadan – your heart will open, God willing. The daily exercise you do might not look like much, but you will inevitably see the results if you persevere. Similarly, your good actions slowly chip away at what has been hardening your heart and, eventually, you will feel.

And if it gets too much, just talk to Allah (swt). Tell Him how you feel, and tell Him how you want to feel. Do it every night, and every time you feel empty. God is there; never underestimate your turning to Him. ‘Turning to Him’ does not just mean prayers and supplications; you can just tell Him what is in your heart.

On the Day of Judgment, you will be grateful for your perseverance and your hope in Him, because it will matter more than you will ever know. So push yourself and exert all the effort you can muster. The tiniest ray of light can brighten the darkest of places.

Love,

A fellow heart that is* numb

(*was)

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Merciful

On behalf of VirtualMosque.com, we wish you all a blessed Ramadan.

“When Ramadan comes, the doors of Paradise are opened and the doors of Hell are closed.” 

We ask Allah to grant us tawfiq (success) to make the most of this special time.

By Fatoma Rad

Ramadan Healing

Another Ramadan has come and gone. I have always tried to make each Ramadan better than the one before, but this is the year that Ramadan came and made a lasting impression on me. You see, these two years have been filled with some trying times for me. Before this year, I could not recall the last time I looked forward to a Ramadan, or the last time I felt a change during a Ramadan. This year, I started to prepare myself before the month even started, I started being brutally honest with myself and sought help from all those around me.

As weird as it may sound, asking for help of any sort from someone is something really hard and new to me. It was around the second week of Ramadan I noticed the change in myself. I have been raised to put others before myself, and this a quality I am glad that I have and something that I hope to continue to have. It is easy to put a smile on my face and tell everyone I am okay no matter what I am going through. But the problem came when I did not know how to properly help myself. I noticed that my own soul was malnourished.

When I Felt That Allah No Longer Cared About Me

From the way people treated me, from the way people spoke down to me, and the way I let people make me feel, and most importantly, the way I spoke to myself, I felt completely empty inside. I was at a new level of low where I not only felt alone, but the hardest part was that I felt that Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), had left me and that Allah no longer cared about me. This is a feeling I pray that no one ever experiences. I spent so many nights and mornings in a daze trying to figure out how this happened to me. But one thing that I forgot is that this did not simply happen overnight.

Something that I wish was encouraged more while growing up is that Islam is a social religion. Humans are not supposed to be left by themselves, or to have to deal with everything on their own. This is something that took me a long time to learn and to accept—how to accept help, and let others in. I still have not fully come to terms with this, I am almost always on guard, and it takes a lot for me to let someone in. I will go out of my way to help others, let others know that I love and care for them, but letting others help me, take care of me —these are feelings that are still new to me. And it was when I finally took the steps to start asking for help, reaching out and opening up to those closest to me that I finally started to realize that I am actually not hopeless.

My Road to Healing

Before Ramadan began, I started opening up a lot to one of my closest friends—may Allah (swt) preserve our friendship and preserve the other in our lives to always help each other out, and may He grant her the best in this world and in the next, ameen (amen). We were talking about Ramadan approaching, and I was telling her how I really want this Ramadan to be different. It took a lot to have those conversations, and in a way, we were both hurting and helping each other by talking about our feelings. This allowed me to confront other people and open up and seek help through others as well.

I have been hurt by many people in this world, whether it was verbally, emotionally or even physically; but none of it measured up to the pain I felt when I thought Allah (swt) was no longer with me. This caused an actual physical pain in my heart that cannot be described. The pain was sharp, constant, and draining, and in the months before Ramadan, those closest to me noticed it and expressed their concerns. I began praying for this pain to go away, and somehow in the second week of Ramadan, for the first time in a long time, my heart was at peace. I was telling my friend how for the first time in a long time, I felt happy, and it was not a temporary happy feeling, it was a feeling of contentment. I felt content with everything and felt a sense of optimism that everything will be okay. All of the problems and fears that I had, and still have, somehow do not feel as scary. It was at this moment that I felt healed, as if the month of Ramadan healed all the heartache, took away all my worries, and put my anxiety to rest. But it was the words of my friend that brought tears to my eyes when she said:

“It makes you realize that all of our du`a’ (supplications) are actually answered.”

Subhan’Allah (Glory to God). I stopped and just sat at my desk at work and let it sink in. I wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it on my wall by my desk. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be unto him) said:

“‘Any Muslim who supplicates to Allah in a du`a’ which contains no sin breaking of kinship, Allah will give him one of three things: either his du`a’ will be immediately answered, or it will be saved for him in the hereafter, or it will turn away an equivalent amount of evil (from him)’ The Companions said, ‘So we will ask for more.’ He replied, ‘Allah is more [generous].’” (at-Tirmidhi, Ahmad)

I have known of this hadith (narration of the Prophet) my whole life. I have told this hadith to others. But it was at this moment that my friend pointed out to me how my du`a’ came true that this realization came at me full force, making me realize how I was so blinded by all the wrong in my life, that I failed to realize that Allah (swt) was surrounding me with blessings at all times.

Taking a Step Back and Understanding

My favorite ayah (verse) is:

“Verily with hardship comes ease.” (Qur’an, 94:5)

Sometimes we have to take a step back to realize, that the tough moments in our lives, the bad moments in our lives, also have some good in them. Throughout these years, I noticed that when I felt alone, there would be strangers talking to me; randomly giving me words of encouragement, making me feel loved and sometimes these strangers would even hug me or give me a pat on the back. These tough moments, forced me to learn more about myself, to face the things that I have been running away from.

But it was something else that I learned from Ramadan, something that I should have tried harder to remember: The importance of community. Imam Khalid Latif once said, “The Companions were strong not because they were perfect but because when they fell they knew how to lift each other up.”

Who do you turn to when you can’t get up? Who are the people that help you up when you feel like you can no longer move? What do you do when you see someone hurting? Not physically hurt, but I mean when you see that pain and sorrow in their eyes, what do you do? Subhan’Allah, I have been blessed with strangers who have helped me up, sometimes physically helped me up, and it is their faces that have helped me through my darkest times. It is the individuals throughout that month who offered a hand, who sat next to me and made du`a’ with me, who patted me on the back and put an arm around me when they saw I needed to be physically held. This is the beauty of the deen (religion) that we need to see more of. This is the companionship and mercy that we need to keep with us not just in Ramadan, but throughout the year.

Final Thoughts

Ramadan this year healed me, from the moments I was able to talk and reflect with friends, community members and strangers, to the nights I felt my heart at ease and was able to talk to Allah (swt) as if He was right there in front of me. But I would like to ask you all, to keep the mercy, the love, the healing power of being a fellow brother/sister all year long. As someone who has benefitted so much from others, I would like to ask you all to please always be there for one another, and if you see someone who needs help, or just a smile, be there for them. Ibn Al-Qayyim radi Allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) said:

“Perhaps you might be asleep while the doors of Heaven are knocking with tens of supplications for you, by a poor person you aided or a sad person you cheered up or a distressed person you brought relief to. Therefore, do not underestimate doing good at all.”

Let us all try to be the one who is the reason that someone else is smiling, the reason someone else has hope, the reason someone feels loved. I want to let you know that your kindness can make a difference in someone’s life. It is that kindness that has made a difference in my life and I pray I can learn to pass that hope, love and compassion on to someone else.

“O Allah, I seek refuge with You from anxiety and sorrow, and weakness and laziness, and miserliness and cowardice, and the burden of debts and the oppression by men.” (Bukhari)

Her life was falling apart before her very eyes. She spoke to me about the catastrophes that she was going through—slammed with one trial after another. “Nothing is going right,” she had told me that night, “Nothing.” And I had to admit her life was rough. Things looked like they kept going from bad to worse in her life. There was no light at the end of her tunnel, not even a flashlight in her tunnel for her to carry, at least at first glance. But the truth is, there was plenty of light in her life, even it was not apparent to her nor to me at first glance. And this is the truth for all of us going through hardships. We just need to know where to look.

Often times in our lives we go through hardships and we begin to believe that everything is going wrong in every portion of our lives, but the truth is, that is the farthest thing from the truth. God has gifted us with many different blessings that can only be seen if we turn a grateful eye to these things and acknowledge their truths. Just like when one is in love, they only see the good, when we are in hardship we tend to only see the bad, and that only furthers our feelings of helplessness and despair.

Take, for example, the simple blessings of life that we experience every day, like the blessing of hot water. People in many places around the world don’t have the convenience of turning on their faucets and having warm water come out on the coldest of days. Don’t think it’s much? Try waiting for a cold day, turn off your heater and take a cold shower. Now imagine having to do this day in and day out without a choice? Imagine having to make wudu’ (ablution) every morning at fajr (morning prayer) in freezing cold water. Imagine how much irritation that may bring. And then thank Him for the blessing He gave us that we often take advantage of without thinking twice.

Another example is that of our kitchen stove, that turns on at the click of a button. Imagine not having that stove of yours in your kitchen. Imagine not being able to cook or warm your food with ease. Imagine having to, on a daily basis, walk outside and build a fire, perhaps gathering wood first, in order to feed yourself and your family. It would be tough, wouldn’t it? But how many times have we stopped and thanked God for our stove-tops and turn-knob buttons?

Lastly, but definitely not least, take a moment and think about your nose (YES your nose!). Have you ever stopped to think about what life would feel like if God had not gifted you and blessed you with a nose? Have you thought about how difficult it would be to enjoy food? We would not be able to enjoy the smell of baking cookies in the oven, or the smell of sweet perfume. We would not be able to smell the flowers as we walked past, or smell a yucky smell that warns us of something in our vicinity. But have we ever stopped to thank God for what He has given us regardless of our ingratitude.

These are just a few examples of the lights that God has gifted us that we graze over on a daily basis, though we never forget to dwell on (what seem like) misfortunes. We think that everything is going wrong, but really what is going wrong is our lack of perception of all of those things that are going right. So next time you feel stuck in a dark hole with no light in sight, don’t simply just wait for the light at the end of the tunnel; turn on your own flashlight by pinpointing the daily gifts that our Lord has gifted us and actually being happy that you have them and actually take the time to thank Him. He has already filled our lives with His Love and His Light, if only we take the time to open our eyes and realize it.

As we near the end of Ramadan and the last 10 nights draw near, I must confess that I am terrified. Will I fail? Did I squander this Ramadan? Were my deeds acceptable to you, O Lord? Will I miss the Night of Power? It may seem odd —please excuse me if this is so out of place— but the words that come to my mind are those of Aragorn in Chapter 1 of The Two Towers: “Alas! An ill fate is on me this day, and all that I do goes amiss!” That’s really how I feel.

Then I came across this in the Qur’an:

(فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ )

“So be cognizant of God to the best of your ability.” [64:16]

I was struck by the language here and suddenly filled with hope. God just wants me to try my best. It’s as if He spoke to me with the Qur’an, and I believe He does.

The scholars of Qur’anic exegesis have mentioned that God had earlier revealed:

(اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِ)

“Be cognizant of God with the cognizance He deserves.” [3:102]

Haqqa tuqātihī. “Cognizance He deserves.” Wow. When this was revealed, I imagine the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) and his Companions felt terrified as I did. How on earth can anyone be constantly obedient and cognizant to God as He deserves?

But the great interpreter of the Qur’an from the successors of the Prophet’s Companions, Qatadah ibn Di`amah, explained:

( فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ وَاسْمَعُوا وَأَطِيعُوا – هذه رخصة من الله، والله رحيم بعباده، وكان الله جلّ ثناؤه أنـزل قبل ذلك اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِ وحقّ تقاته أن يُطاع فلا يعصى، ثم خفَّف الله تعالى ذكره عن عباده، فأنـزل الرخصة بعد ذلك فقال: ( فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ وَاسْمَعُوا وَأَطِيعُوا ) فيما استطعت يا ابن آدم، عليها بايع رسول الله صَلَّى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّم على السمع والطاعة فيما استطعتم.)

“{So be cognizant of God to the best of your ability} This is a concession from God, for He is Merciful to His servants. Before this, God had revealed {Be cognizant of God with the cognizance that He deserves} and this means that one would be absolutely obedient and never transgress. However, God lightened His Word upon His servants and later qualified with the more conceding revelation {So be cognizant of God to the best of your ability. Hear and obey.} It is to the best of your ability, O Son of Adam! And upon hearing and obeying to the best of your ability did the Messenger of God ﷺ take covenant.”

And while God commanded us to be cognizant of Him, in His infinite Mercy and understanding, He was —and is— always the most cognizant of us and our disposition.

One can only imagine how the burdens of knowing what they knew of the unseen would overwhelm the Prophets of God. One time the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ told his Companions, “If you knew what I know, you would laugh less and weep more.” After this, Gabriel came to him and admonished him with a direct communication from God:

(لِمَ تُقَنِّطُ عِبَادِي؟)

“Why do you cause My servants to despair?”

Chills just went up my spine. God reprimanded the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ for saying something discouraging to his Companions and, by extension, us! That’s how much God loves you.

He told you to be cognizant of Him with a cognizance He deserves. But, realizing how difficult that is, He qualified that with, “Do the very best you can.” That is motivation!

His most beloved Prophet ﷺ told us a very factual statement that had we known what he knew of the unseen, we would laugh less and cry more. So God reprimanded him asking, “Why do you cause My servants to despair?” That is love!

So the Prophet ﷺ went back to his Companions and said:

(أَبْشِرُوا وَسَدِّدُوا وَقَارِبُوا)

“Rejoice! Set things right. Seek closeness.”

I leave you with the prayer that the Prophet ﷺ said was the master of all repentance. In it, again, we were instructed to tell God we’re doing the best we can.

(اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ رَبِّي لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ خَلَقْتَنِي وَأَنَا عَبْدُكَ وَأَنَا عَلَى عَهْدِكَ وَوَعْدِكَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُ ، أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا صَنَعْتُ ، أَبُوءُ لَكَ بِنِعْمَتِكَ عَلَيَّ وَأَبُوءُ لَكَ بِذَنْبِي فَاغْفِرْ لِي فَإِنَّهُ لَا يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ)

“Dear God, You are my Lord. There is no god other than You. You created me. I am your servant, and I’m holding on to my covenant with You and my promise to You, the best that I can. I seek refuge in You from whatever evil I have forged. I testify to Your favors upon me, and I testify to You that I have, nonetheless, sinned. So please forgive me, for none can forgive sin other than You.”

Amin.

I heard this quote from a shaykh (religious scholar) quite a long time ago, and it was only until this Ramadan that I understood it.

Although this blessed month of Ramadan is one in which so many opportunities for change and personal growth are presented to us, many of us are still experiencing the same struggles and issues that we faced pre-Ramadan.

That is, we find ourselves trapped in the same unfavourable circumstances (which may in fact be getting worse) or indulging in the same sins and poor habits that we hoped would magically disappear in Ramadan – but which have not. Instead, we find that we have not changed much, or we have changed very little. We may even have started this Ramadan with soaring levels of iman (faith), only to later find ourselves back down to our natural baselines – perhaps even lower, since now we are also disappointed that we have not met our Ramadan goals.

Shaytan had been working on us all year and we expected, just like that, that the month of Ramadan would stop our spiritual coffees stirring. That we would be completely, and immediately, cleansed of the satanic imprint left on our souls.

Alhamdulillah (all praise be to God), I am sure that a blessed few of us truly have been purified this month. Yet many of us have found our spiritual cups of coffee still stirring. We have found ourselves stumbling over our personal spiritual blocks and feeling distant from Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), or completely unworthy of the immense forgiveness He (swt) offers us this great month.

I have often found myself in such a situation, but what makes this Ramadan unique for me is that for the first time I have asked myself: could it be that although the shayateen (devils) are locked up this month, I have always been my own shaytan?  

This realization was pivotal, and taking personal responsibility was both humbling and freeing. Humbling because I realized that truly, this month there is no-one to blame for my own unfavourable actions but myself; freeing because I now feel empowered to sit in the front seat of my life and do the hard personal work that is clearly needed.

As such, my perception of Ramadan has slightly changed. I now view it in a more realistic sense; I probably will not have a character overhaul this month, my circumstances may not get better (and may even get worse), I may carry on with the same sins that seem to always hold me back, and I may not feel the taqwa (God-consciousness) that this month is supposed to cultivate. (( “O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous.” Qur’an, 2:183 ))

Although it may not seem like it, thinking this way has been very healthy for me. Instead of viewing Ramadan as a machine which I enter as my sinful, faulty self and come out completely transformed into the ideal Muslim I hope to be (whatever that looks like), I now view it as a training ground. It is a launch pad from which I will be thrust into the rest of the year with some new spiritual equipment to fight my personal demons as well as those from among the jinn.

My coffee may still stir, but without a doubt, this month has slowed down the rate. Insha’ Allah (God willing), once the devilish spoon is returned, the momentum will be weakened while my grip on the spoon continues to strengthen.

And Allah (swt) knows best.