By Louiza Chekhar

“It sounds to me like all we need to do is just… be normal?”

“That’s exactly it! It’s all about being normal.”

This was the exchange between a shaykh (religious scholar) and an attendee at a course in London last year. He and a fellow teacher had just spoken about how our community needs to become better at listening to, understanding and accepting others, and just how far a little compassion can go – a hug from a stranger was instrumental in the shaykh’s own journey to Islam. My fellow attendee had listened to these eloquent speeches and summed them up in two simple words: ‘Be normal.’

In fact, I have heard this lesson given several times, each in its own way. Imam Suhaib Webb covered it a couple of years ago in a lecture entitled ‘Be Human’. One of my own teachers in London gave a class on nasiha (advice) last year, telling us how it was part of the sunnah (tradition) of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) to know and understand people and their situations. This is why there are so many ahadith (prophetic narrations) on how to be ‘the best’ – “The best of you is slow to get angry and quick to cool down,” ((Tirmidhi)) “The best of you are those who are best to their families,” ((Tirmidhi)) “The best of you are those who feed others” ((Abu Ya’la)) … The list goes on. The Prophet ﷺ knew to whom he was speaking in each instance and what they needed to hear, and he gave advice accordingly. He once forbade a young man from kissing his wife while fasting, but gave permission to an old man to do the same, as he was less likely to become carried away ((Ahmad)) – he understood that different circumstances call for different measures.

These seem like really obvious points: that Islam, like the world, is not black and white; that apart from a few key, unanimously agreed-upon tenets of faith and practice, there are shades of grey in most areas; that the best way to relate to people and help them is to know them, listen to them, understand and care for them. Yet the same lessons keep being repeated for a reason – that people continue to act like the brother Imam Suhaib describes in his lecture, telling a newly-converted sister, about whom he knew absolutely nothing, that “her dress is cursed by Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He).”

But why are some Muslims like this? Shaykh Hamza Yusuf once observed that many young extremist Muslims are trained in the sciences, in which questions have clearly definable right or wrong answers, rather than the arts or humanities, where ambiguities, differing points of view and multiple interpretations are deeply explored. In my experience, it is not just about academic studies, but cultural experience too. Despite living in the UK, some Muslims I know have grown up cocooned within their own micro-culture; they socialised only with others of the same ethnic and cultural background both inside and outside school, and were exposed only to the Islamic practices and teachings common in their parents’ homelands. They are some of the loveliest and most sincere people I know masha’Allah (as Allah has willed), but they are often shocked and uncertain about the way my family (mixed-race, with one convert parent) does things. Even though we are all living within the boundaries of Islam and what is halal (permissible), they find it difficult to accept practices outside of their own madhhab (school of jurisprudence), culture, or family’s way of doing things.

Hearing lectures, attending classes and studying the seerah (biography) of the Prophet ﷺ are all great ways to understand the necessity of ‘being human’ from an Islamic perspective – but these qualities of being open-minded, accepting and understanding should also be developed naturally, as part of our personalities and characters:

1. Study arts and humanities: If you want to study History, Literature or Sociology, go for it. These subjects teach us to see the same events, behaviours or writings from various perspectives, exploring the multiple ways they can be interpreted and the impact they have on different people. Parents: please don’t push your children into Medicine or Engineering if it is not their forte; we need more Muslims in the arts!
2. Make friends with a variety of people: Don’t stick to those from your own background – don’t even just stick to Muslims. The more we get to know different people, the more we realise just how beautifully diverse yet equally valuable Allah (swt) has made the world, accepting differences without shock or distrust: “And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colours.” (Qur’an, 30:22)
3. If you can’t do 1 or 2, read fiction: Some people are natural scientists, which is just as well, or we would not have any doctors or engineers! Equally, we are not all fortunate enough to live in culturally diverse areas where we can make friends of various backgrounds – but one thing we can all do is go to the local library and pick up a novel. As a child, I read books for hours on end, getting lost in countless fictional worlds. I saw inside the hearts of characters unlike anyone I knew in real life, learning to put myself in their shoes and view situations and experiences through different eyes. I travelled in my mind to far-away countries in which I have still never set foot, and grew to know and love these fictional people and places. I understood, accepted and appreciated them in all their diversity, cultivating a much broader worldview than my upbringing in suburban London alone could have given me.

Relating to others on a human level is crucial: in that class on advice, my teacher told us of a scholar who once refused to give him and a group of students nasiha even when they asked him to. He protested that because he did not know them and their situation or needs, he could not be sure to give advice that would cause more good than harm. I pray that we are all able to ‘be normal’, understand and accept one another, and live up to Allah’s (swt) vision for mankind: “O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another,” (some translations add “not that you may despise one another”) (Qur’an, 49:13).

Yet, we all have that desire to have a functional relationship with the Qur’an every day. We want to spend some time reciting it, some time memorizing it and also some time towards listening or reading tafseer (exegesis) to understand it. So how can we practically create a consistent, meaningful relationship with the Book of Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), when the time we have to invest in it is so little?

1)     If we make something a priority for ourselves, we will be able to make time for it.

Allah (swt) says, “And those who strive for Us – We will surely guide them to Our ways,” (Qur’an, 29:69). Meaning that Allah (swt) requires us to put in the effort for Him to make our matter easy for us. Once He sees that we are sincerely trying and our actions can prove that, He will place blessing in our time and open it up for us.

The reality is, the reason we have time for everything that we make time for is because we have placed a certain level of importance to it that creates within us the urgency to get that task done. If we place importance on Fajr (pre-sunrise) prayer, we will make sure we take the means to facilitate it for ourselves—even if those means are setting up multiple alarms, having a friend do a wake-up call, or anything else. Likewise, if we mean to make the Qur’an a priority in our lives, we will be able to carve out 15-20 minutes daily to spend time with it. This isn’t to belittle any of our daily responsibilities or commitments but rather to place the Qur’an along the same level of importance as them.

2)     We don’t need to jump into everything all at once!

The Messenger ﷺ (peace and blessings upon him) said: “The acts most pleasing to Allah are those which are done continuously, even if they are small.”

There is so much wisdom in this statement of the Messenger ﷺ.  A lot of times, when we are motivated to do something, especially when it comes to learning an aspect of our religion, we get on a spiritual high. That spiritual high causes us to get involved in one too many things, study too much all at once or volunteer too much. It creates in us a zest that in turn creates an unsustainable system. The eventual end is that we burn out and fail to accomplish anything and are left unmotivated to start again due to the negative experience. The better and more effective way to approach this is to take on a little at a time and establish a system within our life that is sustainable.

So how can we do this with the Qur’an? There are many ways. For example, start off by making time after Fajr prayer or after Isha’ (night) prayer, the two times you are most likely to be at home. Start by reading half a page of Qur’an on a consistent basis. If you are already doing that, move on up to a page or two pages. If you drive to work or school, use that time to listen to Qur’an in the car. Find a reciter or two whose voice you like, fill up your mp3 player and use that time to listen to the Qur’an. If you commute on public transportation, pop on some headphones and listen as you are getting to and from work/school. Mix it up so you don’t get tired out; maybe listen to recitation on the way to work and listen to a tafseer podcast on the way back.

The goal here is not do it for the sake of doing it. Rather it is to make this a part of your lifestyle and routine so that it becomes part of your day subconsciously as opposed to something you need to remember to do. Once it is a part of your lifestyle, it becomes easy to sustain. This takes time but it is definitely doable. Remember, little by little with consistency!

3)     Build a support system around ourselves

I remember back in college one of the main reasons some brothers finished memorizing Qur’an while going to school full-time and working was because they had a support system. Every day, without fail, these brothers would meet, sit and spend 15-20 minutes reciting to each other whatever they had memorized the night before, even if it was during midterms or finals. If they hadn’t memorized anything new, they would just review. Slowly but surely, each of them completed memorization. When asked about what helped them with that, they said it was because each time they felt like they were about to burn out they had that support system which pushed each other ahead towards completion.

Try to find friends who you can create a support system with at school or outside. If you are married and working full-time, make reciting Qur’an a couple’s thing—something that you do to get closer to Allah (swt) together. If you have kids, make it a family thing after Isha’ (bonus: this then becomes part of your children’s lifestyle as well!). Initiate something with your parents. The point is, it is possible to create a support system around you that can help you progress with your relationship with the Qur’an and it is very helpful to have one.

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These are three simple tips on carving out times in our daily lives for the Qur’an. It is by no means exhaustive, but I believe that implementing each of these one by one will have an effect in creating time and place for the Qur’an in our daily lives. The reality is that we all have unique schedules, multiple commitments and responsibilities. Yet, prioritizing and creating time for the Qur’an in our lives is still within our grasp. The beauty of the Qur’an is that once it takes a hold in our lives and really becomes part of us through recitation, reflection and memorization, through its blessings, Allah (swt) places blessing in our time and in our day in ways that we would not have experienced otherwise. May Allah (swt) help us in becoming strong companions of the Qur’an!