The elevator came. I entered. Elevators in Egyptian apartment buildings often look makeshift; the small window in the elevator door gave me a fleeting glimpse of each floor, with concrete walls in between. It finally arrived – almost. The elevator was stuck midway between concrete wall and the actual floor. No problem, I thought, I’ll just push the door open, take a big step and I’ll make it insha’Allah (God willing).

But the door did not budge open. And no matter how much I yanked it, it would not open. It was completely shut. I pushed, jerked and rattled the door until I was faced with the horrifying realization that I was stuck. I began to panic; I was trapped in a dilapidated elevator in a building with absolutely no type of fire code and no type of emergency plan, in a country that does not have 911. I started pounding on the elevator door.

Making du`a’, I called my roommate. She ran out and tried to pull the door open. Stuck. Suddenly the same air I was breathing moments ago began to fade, and I felt complete terror. My roommate told me to press the button to another floor.

Allahu Musta`an (Allah is the Helper), how could I press the button to another floor? With a malfunctioning elevator, I could easily end up facing a concrete wall and find myself completely cut off from human help! I cannot explain how terrified I was. Perhaps somewhere deep down I felt insha’Allah everything would be okay, and looking back, this incident wasn’t really a big deal (with time, it became normal to get stuck, facing concrete, in the dark, just waiting for the elevator to work again).

But the reality of being in a foreign country, in an elevator where the emergency phone had no dial tone and the emergency button did not light up, despite desperately pounding it, sunk in fast. I could barely hear my roommate as she called out for me not to worry, and I realized how close I really was to death.

It’s as if you’re in the grave. You can see everything; you can feel everything; you can’t do anything to help yourself physically. No matter how hard you bang, you can’t get out; no matter how much you scream, no one else can help you. You’re just stuck, faced with the shock of your nearing end. A square that’s big enough to fit your body, caving in on you as you realize you have not done enough good, you did not repent enough, you were distracted in the last salah of your life, you have a mountain of sins to quit committing, self-reform to work on, and a world full of people you have not yet told you appreciate and need to ask for forgiveness from.

Pure terror is the best description I can think of for the reality of pounding on the only way to exit. You realize that no matter how much you try to escape, and how much others try to help, in the end it’s just you, your belief and actions, (or lack thereof) and Al Haaqqah (the Reality).

My sisters and brothers, I can’t imagine what it’s like when the time for salah is in but you put it off or miss it altogether, or when you scream at your mom who gave her life for you. Or despairing in Allah when deep down you know He is Ar Rahman (the Beneficient)…

In that moment when death hits, you don’t have time to repent. Your soul is taken and you experience deep, painful, immeasurable regret that missing salah wasn’t a one-time slip up, but a lifestyle that only one individual was responsible for, and then facing the reality that that one individual was you. But it’s too late, you’re stuck, you scream and all but the people and jinn hear you, and the Rabb al-`Alameen (the Lord of all the worlds), the Rahman ar-Raheem (the Beneficient, the Merciful), Al ‘Afu (the Eraser of sins), Al Ghaffar (the Forgiver) and Al Ghafoor (the All Forgiving), Al Haleem (the Clement), gave you ten, twenty, thirty-five, fifty, seventy, one hundred years to just turn to Him and sincerely say, “Oh my Lord, I believe in you, forgive me, forgive me.” But you didn’t.

Not all of us go through life-changing spiritual experiences. Not all of us fall into our graves while still alive to “die, before we die.” Even if we did, not all of us can make an immediate and steadfast turn towards Allah. But all of us can turn a little bit more to Allah and keep turning insha’Allah until we’re actively living a God-conscious life. Allah has made it so easy for us! He tells us in a hadith qudsi:

“Dear child of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind.

Dear child of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. Dear child of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.” (Ahmad)

And once we take that step and repent, let’s try a few extra small good deeds to make our hearts stronger! Sometimes we think that sinning comes so easily and too many obstacles prevent good in our actions. But do you know how easy Allah has made it for us to obliterate our sins and stack up the good deeds?

The Prophet ﷺ asked his companions (may Allah be pleased with them),

“Is anyone of you unable to earn a thousand good deeds?” One of those present asked: “How can one earn thousand good deeds in a day?” He ﷺ replied, “By saying: Subhan’Allah (glorified is Allah and free from imperfection) a hundred times, then one thousand good deeds will be recorded for him or one thousand sins will be blotted out from his record.” (Muslim)

I just timed it and it literally took me less than one minute to say Subhan’Allah one hundred times and insha’Allah get all those brownie points! Why don’t you say it and rake up all that reward now, before you even read the next line?!

Let us keep our tongues wet in the remembrance (dhikr) of Allah in our limited days, where good deeds are to our akhirah as water is to our bodies, and make the intention to make dhikr with every step we take. Let us remember how easy repentance really is, how much Allah (swt) LOVES for His slave – for me and you – to return to Him (swt) and how He keeps giving us extra time to spend the upcoming second to cry, “My Lord, forgive me!” We’re still alive, so let’s start living life with love, hope, mercy, fear and consciousness of Allah.

“Therefore flee unto Allah…” (Qur’an, 51:50)

Those who filled their baskets will have done so with a varied harvest; some choosing the best the garden has to offer while others simply settle for those of a lesser quality. One of the best fruits we can reap during this month is one of the most difficult to attain. Its fruit is not found on the ground having fallen from a tree nor is it found amongst the lower branches. This fruit is found at the highest part of the tree and getting to it takes effort, patience, and most importantly truthfulness with oneself. This is the fruit of repentance and reflection. “Repent to God, oh Believers, and you will be successful.”

Success is a tough word

Success is a tough word – it haunts us at work, home and school. And like a beneficial medicine, it is not easy to swallow. The reality of success is that it is anchored in the tangible; it is not a theoretical enterprise, but, as we say in the United States, “requires one to strap on his boots.”

The Arabs understood this well, thus the word for success (falah) is associated with the one who farms or harvests (al-falaah) because success cannot come without diligence and hard work. So, repentance is a substantial enterprise, an effort, a struggle towards spiritual inventory. Caliph Umar radi Allahu `anhu (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “Audit yourselves before you are audited by God.” Hassan, the Prophet’s ﷺ grandson, also explains this concept. He said, “Those who have the easiest time in the Hereafter are those who are keen to call themselves to account in this life.”

Returning to God while struggling to swim the deep seas of life is a difficult enterprise. No one likes to hear bad things about themselves, but if we are able during this blessed month to sit and audit ourselves, to take account of our spiritual principals by investigating our true state and relation with God, family and others, we will have reaped the fruits of a blessed harvest and will have set the stage for a new course in our relationship with the Most Merciful. Once, while the Prophet ﷺ ascended the pulpit, he was heard saying at each step “Ameen.” Later the Companions enquired about the Prophet’s ﷺ statement, upon which he responded that Gabriel `alayhi sallatu wa sallam (may Allah send his peace and blessings on him) came to him, making supplicating against three types of people – one of which was he who failed to repent during the month of Ramadan, thereby failing to be forgiven for his sins.

Overcoming the Obstacles

There are a number of obstacles that lurk hidden for the one who seeks repentance. Perhaps the greatest is the feeling of fear and despondence. Many feel that it is simply too late to change and they think, “I’ve done my dirt and there is simply no way to get back on track.”

Firstly, let’s understand that sinning is part of human nature. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Every person commits sins. And the best sinners are those who repent.” Many have claimed that the feelings of profound guilt and depression regarding their state chain them from turning to God. This is one of the greatest tricks of the Devil, closing the door of hope to God’s mercy after sinning. Once, a man came to the mosque of the Prophet ﷺ complaining about his sins. The man was so overcome and saddened by his state that the Prophet ﷺ said to him, “Say this: O God, your forgiveness is greater than my sins, and my hope in Your mercy is greater to me than my [evil] actions.”

The man said this, and the Prophet ﷺ said to him, “Say it again.” The man repeated it, then the Prophet ﷺ said to him, “Say it again.” The man did and the Prophet ﷺ said to him, “Arise, for God has forgiven you!”

Ibn Kathir comments about the following verse:

“Say [Muhammad] to My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of God’s mercy. Indeed, God forgives all sins and He is the One who forgives and is Merciful.” (Qur’an, 39:53)

He reports that  the Prophet ﷺ said, “It is more beloved to me than anything under the Heavens and on Earth.”

Secondly, sins should be seen as a strategy for one to turn in humility back to God. One of the early scholars said, “A person could enter Paradise because of a sin he committed.” Upon hearing this, his student challenged him by asking, “How could that be?” The scholar responded, “The sinner persistently thinks about it, which causes him to fear it, regret it, weep over it and feel humiliated in front of his Lord due to it. He stands before God, broken-hearted, with his head lowered in humility. So this sin is more beneficial to him than doing many acts of obedience, since it caused him to have humility and humbleness – which leads to his happiness and success – to the extent that this sin leads him into Paradise.”

Thirdly, rebounding from sin is one of the simple fruits related to our success. If we were to ask many people what it was that brought them back to faith, many would mention a mistake they made in the past. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Repentance is regret.” That regret is one of our greatest fears. In reality, however, it is a mercy from God which pricks at our conscience until we ultimately return to Him.

God says, “And [He also forgave] the three who were left behind [and regretted their error] to the point that the Earth closed in on them in spite of its vastness, and their souls confined them and they were certain that there is no refuge from God except in Him. Then He turned to them so they could repent. Indeed, God is the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful.” (9:118) Notice the wording at the end of this verse: “Then He turned to them so they could repent.” Thus, repentance doesn’t start with the sinner, but begins when God turns to him with His mercy, love and compassion, awakening his heart with guilt, gently guiding him to His forgiveness. The sinner was lost in a sea of confusion and misery, and God found him, guided him and forgave him.

The Prophet ﷺ said, “God has greater joy at the repentance of one of His servants when he turns towards Him than one of you would have over his mount, which, having escaped from him saddled with food and drink in the middle of the desert, so that he has despaired of finding it and gone to a tree to lie down in its shade, it suddenly appears standing by him while he is in that state, so that he takes its reins and then says out of the intensity of his joy, ‘O God, You are my slave and I am Your Lord!’ getting confused because of his intense joy.”

Fourth, I’ve done so many things in the past and failed to repent. How is it that, after all of these years, I could face God with such a blackened record? The Prophet ﷺ said, “God the Mighty and Majestic accepts the repentance of His servant as long as his death-rattle has not begun.” Thus, no matter when, as long as one turns to God seeking His forgiveness, only then can that person expect to be forgiven.

Furthermore, there is no sin greater than God’s ultimate mercy and forgiveness. The Prophet ﷺ said, “God the Almighty has said: ‘O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and hope in Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds in the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I shall forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with an earthful of sins and were you then to face Me, without having associated anything with Me, I shall grant you an earthful of pardon.’”

Ibn Rajab noted that this Prophetic tradition begins with “O son of Adam” because of its context of repentance and forgiveness. Thus, when one despairs over his mistakes and shortcomings, he should recall God’s favor upon mankind, exercised upon their forefather Adam. Thus, just as Adam repented to his Lord and, as noted in the Qur’an, “He immediately forgave him,” his offspring should do the same.

The Qualities of Repentance

Scholars noted that sound repentance should be coupled with the following qualities:

1. Leaving the sin,
2. Regret,
3. Resolving never to return to the sin again.

The month of Ramadan is a time of serious reflection, increased awareness, and devotion. Its beginning is mercy, and its ending is marked by forgiveness and salvation. Let us take advantage of this time to set aright our affairs, rebounding from our mistakes and sins from the past. Let us turn to the Most Merciful.

Originally published by Emel Magazine