By Waheed Jensen

Ever since I began trying to understand life, one of the crippling realizations about the Muslim communities I reached was this: we tend to bury our problems in a dark hole, dismiss them and hope they will never come back to haunt us. But they often do. We overlook many of our familial, social and cultural issues until they multiply and are about to explode in our faces; at that point we are notorious for pointing fingers and crying over spilled milk. Our room is filled with elephants that we barely have an inch to stand, yet we remain oblivious and hope things will get better.

Allow me today to describe one of those elephants. A strange elephant. Allow me to dissect it and hand it over to you, that you may ponder and hopefully open your heart and mind.

Let me start off by saying these three words: I am gay.

Even though you do not know who I am, and maybe the mere fact that I just came out to you right this instant may offend you, confuse you, or drive you away from reading the remainder of this article. Let me assure you, this is not one of those articles that tries to promote homosexuality or deliver an airbrushed and Islam-oriented version of all those pro-homosexuality arguments. Yes, I am gay and I am Muslim, and I am here to offer you a small glimpse into a journey of struggles, passions and hopes. I do not intend to delve into the story of Prophet Lut and his people, talk about the evolution and progression of the LGBT community during the past century, present arguments for or against same-sex relations, or even try to prove my own opinion. I really hope you can read and reflect, and I pray that this small effort of bringing the picture a little closer to you might make the slightest bit of difference in raising awareness, and hopefully open healthy discussions on the topic.

I wholeheartedly believe, in concordance with Islam and its teachings, that sodomy is a major sin. I am against same-sex marriage and intercourse, and I am not in favor of any progressive movements that attempt to explain Qur’anic verses about People of Lut or sodomy from a modernist or post-modernist approach – in other words, arguments that try to find a leeway and claim that that is a legitimate Islamic perspective. I hope that this will not drive away readers who are excited about the topic but may be uncomfortable with my statements. I have adopted this position after years of introspection, research, counseling and personal prayer, and I am coming forth today to share with you some of those experiences.

Homosexuality has been present in humanity for centuries, and for as long as it has been there, homosexuals have been struggling with themselves, their families and society at large. To me personally, there was always something different. I could feel it in me from a very young age. Something that I could not explain to others, because I thought they would not understand, let alone accept, or maybe because I was too young and immature at the time that I was not entirely sure what ‘it’ was. It crystallized around puberty; when all the raging hormones started kicking in, those tendencies became obvious. And then the real struggle began.

The struggle led to an explosion of questions. “Why am I different? Why am I not like the rest of my friends or family members? Is this even normal? Am I sick?” Not finding the proper answers, I kept on putting these questions aside. “Maybe it’ll go away. Maybe it’s just a phase.” In my case, it never went away and it was not a phase.

With time I learned that this is something abhorred religiously, culturally and socially. So I tried to adapt. “How do I balance between the feelings and tendencies I have with what my religion, culture and social norms dictate?” So I began a journey of self-exploration and interacting with others, learning from religion, media as well as prominent persons, like religious scholars and major social figures. My schemas kept changing and I kept on adapting.

Many of us may be brave enough to rebel against what others seem to ‘dictate’ on us, while others suppress their urges, often hiding their identities from those closest to them, generally out of fear, or maybe because they are not just ready to come out yet. I belong to the latter group. To this date, I have never had the courage to tell my parents or close family members, but I have come out to a close friend of mine a few months ago, and he was extremely supportive Alhamdulillah (all praises to Allah).

One of the most dangerous pitfalls I have personally experienced was thinking that God hated me. He was mad at me. “I must have done something wrong in my life to deserve this ‘punishment’… If God does not accept homosexuality, then why am I a homosexual?” Whether Muslim or not, people struggling in silence can be more prone to deviating to dangerous paths. So you find many struggling homosexuals also dealing with bullying, drinking problems, substance abuse, domestic violence, poor academic performance, career problems, pornography or sex addictions, sexually-transmitted diseases, mood disorders like depression and anxiety, and many other issues. ((Lee, R. (2000). Health care problems of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender patients. Western Journal of Medicine, 172(6), 403–408.))  I had my own share of bullying, academic problems and mood disorders. Our struggles multiply with time, and many even contemplate suicide.

This is especially true in cases where the individual tries to discuss the issue – often it is just those desires or thoughts that are tackled, not the actual act – with his/her parents or family members who are not receptive to those ideas. If not shown sympathy, care and love, he/she is often shunned, harassed, scorned and sometimes even tortured. A lot of gay men and women are forced into arranged marriages, taken to local Imams to ‘heal them from their calamity and wrath of God’, or even killed. ((Kesvani, H. (2015, April 18). Meet The Gay Muslims Living In Straight Marriages. http://www.buzzfeed.com/husseinkesvani/gay-muslims-in-straight-marriages))  Some of them take their own lives by themselves. Others live in constant torment while some flee their homes and families in search for a more welcoming environment. That and many have not even yet engaged in any sexual acts whatsoever.

This is why I, along with many fellow homosexual Muslims, find the Western alternative very striking: it offers acceptance and understanding. Things that we dearly miss in our communities, even though we may realize deep down that there is something terribly wrong, the fact that there is someone who accepts us and fights for us and not against us is incredibly more appealing. When we try to talk to other Muslim seemingly-pious and God-conscious brothers and sisters about our sexuality, and are shunned by their lack of empathy, respect and understanding, would you find it surprising that we take comfort in talking to non-religious people about our struggles in hopes to find an open mind and a loving heart? Ironically, the spirit of Islam is all about empathy, tolerance and understanding, yet the practice of Islam carried out by many Muslims shows the opposite.

Trust me, I understand that it is a difficult topic to open up with others, especially people coming from conservative backgrounds. It is difficult news for you to receive, just as it is difficult for me to handle, let alone share with others. However, the fact that I choose to come out to specific people means that those people are exceptionally special to me. To us. It takes a lot of courage, incredible determination and a full dose of anxiety and fear to even think about coming out to someone, that you can imagine the damage we have to endure when the other person dismisses us or shows no empathy or mercy. It seems like a lot to handle if you ask me.

I remember the first time I decided to come out to someone, I was going through an overwhelming period in my life, yet Alhamdulillah I had some seeds of piety and religiosity inside me. I was around 18, and he was a non-religious psychologist and counselor. I went to an appointment with him, tried to beat around the bush but ultimately came out to him. And he was accepting. Later on, I found out that many struggling homosexuals came to him for advice and counseling. I was hoping that, with the aid of therapy, my orientation would change – this is scientifically known as reparative or conversion therapy; while many studies have been conducted on it and some patients have reported success, a great number of psychiatrists and counselors have reported failure and more harm done to the patients than good. The progress of my visits culminated in him putting forward the idea of accepting who I am and going all the way with it – in other words, experience my entire sexuality without restraints. At that point I was really uncomfortable with his proposal as it was against my Islamic beliefs and my own virtues.

During that same period, I was doing my own reading and researching, trying to find a proper Islamic ‘solution’, crying for help and praying that I be guided to what Allah pleases. One of the most heartwarming responses was given by a psychiatrist who also has profound knowledge of Islamic shari’ah (legal rulings). He was hosted on a TV show, and he was speaking so graciously, so open-mindedly, that his words hit the right chord and I was immediately awe-struck. I cried after finally having found an answer with which my heart felt ease. And that was pure bliss, Alhamdulillah.

The gist of the talk is the following: homosexuality as an orientation is a disorder in one’s fitrah (human nature and disposition). ‘Treatment’ of such a disorder involves therapy, familial and social support, personal discipline and a whole lot of other things. However, this therapy, which is tailored on a case-by-case basis, may or may not work. The mode of therapy is different between individuals, just like every case of homosexuality is different between people. Mind you, the term ‘therapy’ here is used loosely to mean dealing with the issue from different aspects rather than reverting one’s sexual orientation.

If many of us, homosexuals, dive deeper into our childhood and upbringing, we can pinpoint certain events that have taken their toll on us one way or another. Many of us have experienced child abuse, be it sexual, physical or intense emotional abuse that was brutally damaging to our body and soul, or lived in dysfunctional families that ultimately caused a lot of psychological damage. ((Schneeberger, A. R., Dietl, M. F., Muenzenmaier, K. H., Huber, C. G., & Lang, U. E. (2014). Stressful childhood experiences and health outcomes in sexual minority populations: a systematic review. Social psychiatry and psychiatric epidemiology, 49(9), 1427-1445.))  I for one had my own share of psychological and sexual abuse as a child from people closest to me, and witnessed intense domestic violence that crippled my mind for a decent period of time. Such events were incredibly powerful that they became ingrained in my psyche and took their toll on my thinking and behavior.

Others have been desensitized to issues related to sexuality and gender roles from a young age, that their perception of masculinity and femininity is quite erroneous. I can recall several stories of struggling homosexuals I know who grew up in homes where one parent was more dominant in their life (e.g. present most of the time while the other was absent, provided greater emotional, psychological and social support while the other did the exact the opposite), such that either parent’s gender became more dominant on their lives and personas, and hence their perception of gender and sexuality deviated from the normal.

It is worth noting, however, that many people grow up in normal environments with no such issues during childhood, yet end up finding themselves attracted to the same gender. So there is no discrete thumb rule or cause as to whether someone will end up identifying as a homosexual or a heterosexual. It is not a simple black or white situation.

In addition to the above, it has been asserted that there are other acquired causes – we are bombarded on a daily basis with sensual and sexually-explicit material, from billboards, magazines and newspaper articles, to online material on social media websites. Sex and sexuality are heavily emphasized in TV shows, readings and discussions, whether openly or not. We have become accustomed to seeing semi-naked and naked bodies, our concepts of beauty, femininity and masculinity have radically evolved over time and we have become desensitized to these matters. ((Qadhi, Y. (2009, April 13). Dealing With Homosexual Urges: Yasir Qadhi to Muslim Student. http://muslimmatters.org/2009/04/13/dealing-with-homosexual-urges/))  There is an unbelievable amount of time and resources spent on creating better bodies: muscular, dreamy and good-looking men, and gorgeous women with ‘perfect’ facial and body features. In addition, many of the inter- and intra-gender boundaries have drastically changed over time. Taken together, these matters overwhelm the human mind, and the effects are undoubtedly palpable.

Again, these and countless other events affect people’s heart, mind, body and spirit differently. People struggle to cope in different ways. Some people, like myself and countless others, may eventually find themselves with a specific worldview, having had a culmination of experiences, as well as a specific orientation that may or may not be modifiable. Just like these examples are struggles in and of themselves, homosexual thoughts and tendencies are no less than struggles as well.

When I see married men and women sharing affection, enjoying companionship and raising children, it hurts. A lot. Not the jealous I-hope-they-lose-all-that kind, but the painful realization that this is not something I can ever attain. Because of my situation, my ibtila’ (struggle in life), the idea of marrying someone from the opposite sex is not practical at all or even fair for me or my potential spouse. Many shuyukh advice homosexuals to get married for their tendencies to dissolve; while this may work with a handful of people, a large number of us does not find it physically or mentally plausible. Many of the things other people, including those shuyukh themselves, take for granted – like relationships, marriage and having children – are the exact things we struggle with day in and day out. Personally, and unlike Muslim heterosexuals, I do not have safe and lawful options through which I can channel and fulfill those desires. Therefore, I try my best to remain steadfast and struggle for the sake of Allah. If that is not incredible Jihad, I do not know what counts as such.

While it may seem unfair and even preposterous to some people to keep struggling and not fulfill our desires, especially in this time and age, that is where the beauty lies. Within Islam, we are not held accountable for our thoughts, feelings, desires and tendencies as long as we do not act upon them. There are three ideas worth mentioning here. Firstly, Allah has promised in the Qur’an that He “does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity” [2:286]. Taken in line with Islamic teachings, this means that Allah knows how painful my struggle is and knows that I can handle it. Every time I ponder upon this idea, I am overwhelmed with incredible awe and gratitude. Of all people across centuries, He has chosen specific people for this particular test. Indeed, life is nothing but a few years and the True Life is in the Hereafter, so no matter how agonizing the struggle is, there will be an end to it.

Secondly, there is immense reward and unimaginable blessings, both in this life and the Hereafter, by staying true to God’s decree and struggling for His sake. The more the struggle, the more the rewards insha’ Allah (God willing). Lastly, and just like the popular saying goes, “when God closes one door, He opens another.” So if issues like intimacy and procreation may seem like dead ends for Muslim homosexuals, we find openings in other aspects of life. Many homosexuals across history have been known for incredible gifts in writing, public speaking, music, cinema, scientific discoveries, literature and art. ((Rictor Norton (compiler), “The Great Queers of History, Part 1: Born before 1800”, 1 May 2004 <http://rictornorton.co.uk/greatgay/greatgay.htm>.))  Studies have reported that homosexuals exhibit high levels of empathy and compassion compared to heterosexuals. ((Salais, D. A., & Fischer, R. B. (1995). Sexual preference and altruism. Journal of Homosexuality, 28(1-2), 185-196.))  Because we have suffered and are constantly struggling, we have big hearts that know no boundaries. If we utilize our God-given gifts wisely and for the greater good, we can do wonders insha’ Allah.

Of course there are Muslim homosexuals and pro-gay rights advocates who adopt a completely different perspective. Some try to balance between their religious duties while keeping in line with their orientation; in other words, they carry out their desires yet remain true to their duties. Others denounce Islamic rules altogether arguing that in modern times, such rules do not apply, hence they call for a reformation in Islamic laws taken for granted as solid foundations of religion. Others are still struggling between balancing Islamic law and their own sexuality, searching for answers that provide them with ultimate satisfaction.

I am in no way trying to prove myself right and others wrong. This article is solely intended to highlight some of the struggles I go through as a Muslim homosexual, and I have taken the liberty at some points to speak on behalf of fellow struggling homosexuals because of our shared tribulations. Whatever your position is on this matter, I respect you and love you as a human being, your desires are legitimate and in no way make you less of a human being. However, based on my beliefs, I do not accept specific actions that you may do which go against Islamic law. And there again, you are no less of a human being and I still respect you as an individual. This falls at the heart of Islam – if someone like me who is struggling with his/her own desires can adopt such a stance, then so can everyone else. Maybe if we focus less on demonizing other people and concentrate more on helping one another, things would start to change for the best.

If you are a homosexual reading this, please know that my heart is with you. I of all people understand the daily struggles you are going through, and I salute your bravery and high spirit. Please remember that Allah is Merciful and Forgiving, no matter how much people tell you otherwise. Stay strong, and if you ever fall into the traps of Shaytan, repent to the Almighty with a pure heart and know that He accepts and welcomes the sincere. Pray to remain steadfast. Fasting is a powerful weapon so try your best to fast regularly. Also, try to do sports and channel your energy in healthy ways. Surround yourself with good company of pious people, and keep daily companionship of His Book. Pursue a higher purpose in life, for you are already on a high track. Trust me, I understand that the struggles may reach excruciating levels – it is at those moments that our inner cores are tested. Make your struggles entirely for His sake, and they will be worth it. You will come out stronger and braver than before. With today’s explosion of sexuality and acceptance of same-sex relations, do not swallow the bait. Keep yourself in company of Him for that is all that ultimately matters.

If you are a heterosexual reading this, and assuming you may be uncomfortable with such a topic, I understand that this may be overwhelming for you at first glance. Take it easy on yourself, and certainly take it easy on others. We all have our own struggles, so let us make this journey we call life a little bit less difficult for one another. Let us shift our focus from pointing out each other’s faults and instead work together for more empathy, compassion and love. There is a difference between respecting someone and accepting his/her actions; the former must be there at all times. If we disagree or have different lifestyles, and certainly if we make mistakes, please do not judge us. Bear with us. Listen to us, be there for us, for if you ever need us we will be there for you.

Even though we may not get the chance to experience what it means to have a spouse, be intimate or even raise a family in this life, I pray that Allah accepts our struggles for His sake and fulfill our desires in the Hereafter. Yes I am a gay Muslim, and I am proud – proud that Allah has chosen me and many other brothers and sisters for this particular struggle in this life. And for that, and for all His countless blessings we say, Alhamdulillah.

“I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you… I love you. With all my heart, I love you.”
(V for Vendetta)

“There is nothing that has gentleness in it except that it is beautified, and there is nothing that has harshness in it except that it makes it ugly. So be calm, O Aisha!”

The above words were spoken by our beloved Messenger ﷺ to his wife, `A’isha radi allahu `anha (may Allah be please with her). A group of people had passed by the Prophet ﷺ and our Mother `A’isha, and said to him: “As-sa’amu `alaykum” (death be upon you).”  It was a wordplay on “As-salaamu `alaykum (peace be upon you)”, with the intent of ridiculing the Prophet ﷺ. `A’isha (ra) became so angry that she rose up and began yelling at them that death should be upon them, and the curse of God, and so on.

At this, the Prophet ﷺ turned towards her, and spoke these words, telling her to calm down, and not to lose her composure, even in the face of personal insult. This man, our Messenger ﷺ, was the pillar of tranquility in an ocean of chaos. Our mother Aisha (ra), did this out of a pure, sincere, and unyielding love for the Prophet (saw). Not out of any arrogance or pride. For her it was an anger rooted in love, a desire to protect her Prophet from those who hated him. May Allah be pleased with her.

When told to calm down, to stop being judgmental—the response comes in one of many flavors:

• “Brother, I am enjoining the good and forbidding the evil!”
• “We are defending the Sunnah!”
• “When people are harsh against the Sunnah, we will be harsh in defending it!”

And so on.

Over what kinds of issues? Not the serious lack of counseling services in the community. Not the difficulty that our youth are having in protecting their faith from intellectual attack. Not the issues of domestic abuse, poverty, family breakups or homelessness afflicting non-Muslims and Muslims around us.

But the length of our pants and whether or not they are above our ankles, the lengths of our beards, etc. Perhaps one’s adherence or lack thereof to a group or organization. What we think about pseudo-philosophical concepts about the essence of God’s attributes.  Such meanness and harshness occurs not over what is physically affecting people, but over a disagreement between opinions in our minds. Over varying textual interpretations that result in different legal opinions or a creedal points unknown to the majority of the world’s Muslims.

Why does this happen to us when almost nothing is more important in our religion than the subjugation of our egos to the Power and Oneness of God?

The Remedy

“Islam takes us and throws us so we fall totally in love with The Creator. Yet, somehow some of us turn it into a way to look down upon the creation.”

This happens because somewhere along the line in striving to love God, the ego—the innermost part of our soul which continuously wishes to be glorified and exalted over others—made our religiosity a means of doing just that. The religion exists to crush the ego, and enslave it towards the worship of its Creator.

When we say AllahuAkbar (God is the Greatest), the true meaning of this, when one explores Arabic grammar, is “God is the Greatest Above All Things”—including our loves, our hates, our desires, our weaknesses, our dreams, our hopes, our very essences. Success in reaching our desires is only through His permission, and the power to overcome our weaknesses is only through His Mercy. This phrase is formulated to remind us of Allah’s greatness over ourselves and over every element of our lives. It acknowledges the overwhelming power that is Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He).

On the ego’s path to enslavement and the realization of recognizing Allah (swt) alone as the sole object of adoration and love, our ego sought a way out so it would not have to undergo such tribulation and destruction; so that it would not have to give up its position as the one that is praised and feels valued.

That ego essentially hijacks the religiosity of the individual and takes it on a detour. What is that detour? Rather than letting Islam be Islam and allowing the soul to get lost in the wonders of Allah’s power, the limitless nature of His love, the magnanimous breadth of His Mercy, the immeasurable depth of His knowledge, the care and affection that He showers upon His creation—the ego detours the soul into LOVING ITSELF.

When the soul begins to love itself, it becomes dissatisfied with not only God, but with God’s creation. It sees its own knowledge, opinion, and worldview as superior to all others. In order to maintain its false notion of being humble, it will even fake humility to those on the outside: “I’m nobody, I’m not knowledgeable”—while secretly harboring contempt for all those who follow different opinions or ideas about Islam. It is easy to recognize this tendency in ourselves. It happens when our religious discourse, our religious speech, and our religious vocabulary become less about loving God, adoring his Messenger ﷺ, bettering ourselves and more about creedal disagreements, legal fine points, and how one group is bad or another is good.

When religion becomes more about how one person does not practice the way that pleases us  (even if we are correct in expressing the opinion of orthodox Islam) than about how we can please God, the religion has essentially turned into a tool to make us feel better about ourselves.

This does not mean we should turn off legitimate criticism in religious discourse. Enjoining the good and forbidding evil means that we must take an active interest in our communities, and in striving to develop our communities and our religious practices in a way that is healthy, natural, and allows Muslims from all backgrounds to be included and non-Muslims to feel welcome.

Rather, it is time we examine our deeper motives and feelings when we criticize and put forth negativity: “Am I criticizing and putting forth negativity because my criticism and the way I am putting it forth will actively help to prevent harm and bring benefit? Or am I criticizing to ridicule, make myself feel better, and make others see me as superior?”

Answering this question correctly and being sincere is the difference between the religious jerk and a servant of God.

Originally published in December 2009

Introduction

I am tired of the pictures forwarded to me in email and of the videos posted on Facebook, Youtube, and numerous other mediums of internet media displaying a gross cornucopia of atrocities against Muslims across the globe. There’s the visibly overwhelmed Muslim woman getting her hijab (headscarf) yanked off, the Muslim being malevolently run over by a car repeatedly, and the countless dead Muslim babies buried in rubble. I loathe it all. It has become a sickness amongst Muslims to find some perverted sense of satisfaction in displaying to the world, “Look! I am the victim!” It is as if our era of glory was an opiate, and now we use self-victimization to ease the withdrawal. Some have identified that self-empowerment, rather than self-victimization, is more constructive. Yet, they still just don’t get it.

Peruse any variety of Muslim media sources and one will find no shortage of laudatory narratives on how the Muslims pioneered modern technology while Europe languished in the “Dark Ages.” Hearing that, a 16 year old European Muslim drop-out can beam with pride and feel that he, himself, bested the magnificence of the monolithic “West.” The Frenchman is no better than he, for his ancestors gave the world Algebra… albeit 1,250 years ago.

This leads to the oft-posited, and often frustrating, question: How do we get those glory days back? While patting themselves on the back for those long dead laurels, many Muslim proselytes and those inebriated by their opiates often miss is that this era of Muslim ingenuity was not founded at the hands of those who thirsted for the blood of their enemies. It was founded by a people who would be more concerned with the scientific study of apes and pigs, than calling their non-Muslim enemies the “descendants of apes and pigs.” It was founded by men of loftier priorities and ideals.

How do we get those days back? Perhaps, we should first identify how we lost them in the first place. We should rather ask: Where did we go wrong? My hypothesis is that we have gone backwards in how we view and treat our non-Muslim neighbors. We have regressed far behind the noble principles of coexistence dictated to us by the Qur’an, which were conveyed and displayed to us by our exemplary Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him). All cases of greatness in Islamic history will also yield remarkable examples of compassion and benevolence towards the Muslims’ non-Muslim neighbors.

Articles about the Muslim world’s contributions to science will be rife with names like al-Khwarizmi and al-Biruni. Muhammad bin Musa al-Khwarizmi and Abu Rayhan al-Biruni were both Persians of ancient Khwarezm who are iconic of the Muslim world’s contributions to science. The Prophet Muhammadﷺ had foretold that great knowledge was to come from the Persians ¹ to whom the baton of Islamic learning quickly passed. Yet, aside from the facts that both were devout and learned Sunni Muslims and polymaths, excelling in a jaw-dropping variety of scientific disciplines, they also strove to achieve a better understanding of the non-Muslims they encountered.

Abu `Abdillah Muhammad bin Musa Al-Khwarizmi (780-850 CE) penned his Treatise on the Extraction of the Jewish History,² which became the reference point for the later Jewish scholar Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon, popularly known as Maimonides, in formulating the Hebrew Calendar which Jews all over the world use to this day. His work in this regard, and influence from al-Khwarizmi, is contained in his book Sefr Mishneh Torah.³ It is also worthy to note that Maimonides’ name is remembered today because of the freedom and liberty he enjoyed living under his Spanish and African Muslim rulers. Another famous Jewish scholar who used the works of al-Khwarizmi to codify the Hebrew calendar as it is known today was Abraham ibn Ezra,⁴ who in the process went as far as to fully translate Ibn al-Muthanna’s commentary of al-Khwarizmi’s Tables of Astronomy into Hebrew.

Another great Muslim genius who lived one hundred years after al-Khwarizmi was, likewise, a tremendous influence on Jewish scholars such as Maimonides and countless others from various non-Muslim demographics. He was Abu al-Rayhan Muhammad bin Ahmad Al-Biruni (973-1048 CE). Al-Biruni became a patron of the medieval Turkic Sultan of Khorasan, Mahmud bin Sebuktekin of Ghazni, and accompanied him during his exploits into India. Rather than immersing himself in all the glory, valor and riches, al-Biruni immersed himself into the non-Muslim population’s culture, language and tradition. He learned Sanskrit to such a high level that the Hindu clergy bequeathed him with the title Vidyasagar meaning “Ocean of Learning.”⁵ Al-Biruni did not limit his studies to their culture, but also became versed to a scholarly degree in Hinduism. He is, to this day, known as the de facto founder of religious anthropology. He contributed not only to the Jewish calendars but also to a greater understanding of the calendar systems of all religions and civilizations in his work The Surviving Monuments of Past Centuries.⁶

Some historians have sought to remove credit from Islam for the magnanimity and tolerance of these two scholars and many others like them and attribute it instead to the inherent tolerance of the Persians. However, a glance into the tolerance mandated by God in the Qur’an, embodied in the traditions of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, and carried on in the manners of his closest Companions (radiAllahu `anhum – May Allah be pleased with them) may hold some answers.

The Qur’an

Though Muslims are commanded in the Qur’an to call towards the worship of One God without partner, they are also instructed to come to common terms with their non-Muslim neighbors and to refrain from slighting their religious sensibilities in the process. God instructs the Muslims to address the People of the Book: “Say, ‘O People of the Scripture, come to a word that is equitable between us and you – that we will not worship except Allāh and not associate anything with Him and not take one another as lords instead of Allāh.’ But if they turn away, then say, ‘Bear witness that we are Muslims [submitting to Him]’” (3:64). The objective is to come to a mutual understanding. At the end of the day, we have to live with each other much to the chagrin of the extremists on all sides.

Furthermore, God instructs the Muslim believers in the Qur’an, “And do not insult those they invoke other than Allāh, lest they insult Allāh in enmity without knowledge”(6:108). Regarding this verse, the reputable Qur’anic exegete of Basra, Qatadah bin Di`amah, said, “The Muslims used to mock the idols of the non-Muslims, and the non-Muslims would, in turn, mock God. So God revealed the verse, ‘Do not mock those whom they call upon besides Allah…’”⁷ An atmosphere of mockery and derision is not something which God wants to foster between His devotees and those not privileged with a proper understanding of Him. Because the cycle is difficult to break, the Muslims are commanded to never initiate it. The late 13th century Islamic scholar, Ibn Taymiya, says about this verse, “It is known that the polytheists (of pre-Islamic Arabia) loved their pantheon of deities just as they loved Allah (as a part of it). Perhaps, they even loved their deities even more than they loved Allah and this is why they had no problem mocking Allah whenever their pantheon of deities was mocked. Hence, did Allah command, ‘Do not mock the ones they call upon besides Allah, for they will be driven in contempt to mock Allah in return out of ignorance.’”⁸

There is much in common between the three great Abrahamic religions . The Jews and the Christians know full well that “Allah” is the very same name of God, with slight variations, that they find in their sacred texts. The first verse of the first chapter of Genesis, the first book of the Bible, calls God by a direct etymon of this sacred name. ⁹ When Christ was on the cross, he called out to God in the Aramaic etymon, “Allaha!” This was even evidenced in the film The Passion of the Christ (2004). These are not facts unknown to our Jewish and Christian friends, yet none of it will matter when the cycle of derision has been initiated. We must obey God’s command in the Qur’an and not start such divisive conflicts. If we are subjected to it we must respond with what is better as God also instructs in the Qur’an: “And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend” (41:34). God really does know His creation as he also says in the Qur’an, “Does He who created not know?” (64:14)

The Prophetic Traditions

Zaid bin Sa`nah was a leading Jewish Rabbi who was a contemporary of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. His story has been authentically documented in the collections of Prophetic traditions, and it is a fine example of how Muslims should live with their non-Muslim neighbors. Rabbi Zaid related his own story to `Abdullah bin Salam, another Rabbi who had embraced Islam, who relates:

“Zaid bin Sa`nah said… Two or three days before the appointed time, the Prophet ﷺ went out for a funeral prayer of a man from the Ansar. With him were Abu Bakr, `Umar and `Uthman and some of his other Companions (ra). When he completed the prayer, he sought to recline against a wall upon which I grabbed a hold of him and gave him a mean-faced stare and held him by shirt and cloak. I said to him, ‘Repay me what is due, O Muhammad! By God, I have not known you folk from the clan of `Abdul Mutalib to be such procrastinators! Perhaps, my impression of you all has been wrong!’ So I looked at `Umar and his two eyes were beset wide on his face like planets! He then struck me with his stare and said, ‘O you enemy of God! Dare you speak to the Messenger of God ﷺ as I have heard and behave as I have seen?! By the One Who has raised him up with the Truth, if Iwere less God-fearing I would have struck off your head with my sword!’ The Messenger of God was looking at `Umar (ra) with serenity and an amiable smile and said, ‘O `Umar, he and I required something other than this from you. You should have instructed me to repay him in a better manner and you should have instructed him to follow up in a better manner. Go to him, O `Umar, and repay him what is due to him and exceed that by 20 extra measure of dates.'”

The narration in al-Bayhaqi’s Sunan ends here, but the narration in al-Tabarani’s Mu`jam goes on to detail the interaction that transpired when `Umar caught up with Rabbi Zaid. As it turned out the Rabbi had been following the Prophet Muhammadﷺ and was testing his behavior in the face of insolence. When the angry `Umar returned to him sober and friendly, he marveled at how the Prophet Muhammadﷺ could change this angry man into the docile character he was now dealing with. Rabbi Zaid embraced Islam and dedicated the rest of his life to its cause until he ultimately met his end at the Battle of Tabuk. He went from a widely reputed Jewish Rabbi to a hero of Islam, not because of any theological debates or polemics, but because of the goodness displayed by the Messenger of God ﷺ.

The Prophet’s Companions and Successors

This tradition of good conduct towards the non-Muslims carried on into the era of the Caliphs who succeeded the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ after his passing. The Fourth Caliph of Islam, `Ali bin Abi Talib, lived in a time when the Persian Empire fell before the feet of the Muslims. He was reported to have actually met with the father of the earliest of the four great Sunni Imams, al-Nu`man bin Thabit, popularly known as Abu Hanifa. Imam Abu Hanifa was from Kabul, Afghanistan,¹⁰ which was largely Zoroastrian prior to the Muslim conquests. Though they had become Muslims, the traditions and cultural practices remained. Imam al-Dhahabi, a highly regarded student of Ibn Taymiyyah, states about Imam Abu Hanifa in his voluminous work on the notables of Islamic history, Siyar A`lam al-Nubala’:

“Nu`man bin Marzban, the father of Thabit,<sup>11</sup> was the one who gifted `Ali bin Abi Talib with Faluda on the day of Nawruz (the Persian New Year). `Ali said, ‘May every day be like Nawruz!’ It was also said, ‘This is done as part of Mehregan (a Persian harvest festival with origins possibly pre-dating Iranian culture).” So he replied, ‘May every day be as Mehregan!” ¹²

`Ali did not belittle their cultural practices, so he took the gift, but subtly hinted that, according to Islam, this day was like any other day. He did not endorse the significance of the day, but he did not revile their cultural practice either. He exercised wisdom. Similarly, the other Companions behaved the same towards the Zoroastrians they encountered. The Prophet’s ﷺ wife `A’isha (ra) instructed the Muslims to avoid meats offered to them as gifts on Nawruz but to feel free to eat from the fruits and vegetables. Yet, was this mostly due to the general ruling regarding the meat of the Zoroastrians and not so much having to do with Nawruz? Mujahid said that in general only fruits and vegetables of the Zoroastrians should be consumed, but nothing else from them.¹³ Their slaughtered meat was largely viewed as unsuitable for consumption by the Muslims.

A Dirham for Thought

It is said that a picture can equal a thousand words and, in this case, hard archaeological evidence can speak volumes. In the time of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, the two great mighty empires whom the Muslims encountered were the Persian Sassanids and the Greco-Roman Byzantines. The Sassanids, at their height, ruled everything between the Indian Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea. They reigned from 205 CE until they finally met their end when defeated by the Muslims under the 2nd Caliph, `Umar ibn al-Khattab. After the era of the Four Pious Caliphs had passed, parts of the newly conquered Persian domains fell under the rule of the Umayyads, the loyalists of `Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr, and others. Yet, in spite of the turf wars that occurred between the various Muslim factions, one thing remained strikingly in common between them: the respect they showed to their newly conquered subjects. It was a time when all the splendor of the Persian Empire literally fell at the feet of the Muslims. This, like many of the events that transpired immediately after the passing of the Prophet Muhammadﷺ, was foretold by him. He warned the Muslims that, though they will have the power to do what they want over the Persians, they should not plunder them nor get tangled up in the priceless spoils they would acquire. Fortunately, the Companions listened, and those Persian lands are still Muslim today. It might have been different had the Muslims reveled in the riches and pounded the population into serfdom. The harrowing empty mosques of Romania, a land ruled by the Ottomans for hundreds of years yet yielding only a 0.3% of Muslim population today, bear a painful testimony to this.

So how did the Muslims treat their newly conquered Zoroastrian subjects? The story of `Ali ibn Abi Talib’s interaction with the Persian family of Abu Hanifa has already been told. Yet, there is more to be discovered when analyzing the archaeological evidence from the time period in question. One may be shocked to find that there are numerous extant Arab-Sassanid coins throughout the reigns of Uthman ibn `Affan, `Ali bin Abi Talib and Mu`awiyyah ibn Abi Sufyan with busts of Khosrow and the Zoroastrian fire altar.

Similarly, coins were minted during the reign of `Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr, a close Companion of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, in the regions of Persia loyal to him (Sistan) with a bust of Khosrow and Zoroastrian symbols.

There are also instances of Arab-Byzantine coins from the newly conquered Roman territories where the crosses were very slowly and subtly removed from the coinage possibly over the period of a decade.

The horizontal bar would gradually be removed from the crosses on all mintage leaving just a vertical pole, and the Muslim declaration of faith was added to the obverse margins. So the coins would go from the original Byzantine coin:

To the coin following the Muslim conquests:

To, ultimately:

These coins¹⁴ are not great rarities. They are so abundantly available that if you look hard enough you can buy them yourself over the internet. So let there be no doubt about this. The early Muslims went through such great pains not to offend the local non-Muslim populations whom they had quite thoroughly conquered. They could have done whatever they wanted to them. Yet, out of the fear of their Lord, they refrained from offending their non-Muslim subjects.” Compare that to how Muslims today, many of whom can barely even rule their own households, and treat those around them with respect – Muslim and non-Muslim alike.

Conclusion

Albert Einstein supposedly said: “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.”

With all the apocalyptic clamor about ruling by Shari`ah and re-establishing a Caliphate in our times, what is sorely missing in these Muslim revolutionaries is an insight into the hearts of those who set the standards for establishing a successful society that was truly Islamic. As the answer to where we went wrong becomes increasingly clear, we can then go back to the question, “How do we get those glory days back?” Much work is to be done to achieve that, but it won’t be by strength of arms. It must be in the classrooms, homeless shelters, drug rehabilitation centers, mentoring programs and other social and civic means by which Muslims can forge a better society wherein all mankind, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, can flourish. Only then will we have exemplified God’s description of the role we play in this world:

“You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allāh.” (Qur’an, 3:110)

In this journey through Allah’s Names, we have learned about both His attributes of Beauty and of Majesty. The intention is to inspire fear, hope and, ultimately, love. If we misunderstand Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), we may not see the wisdom behind the things that happen in the world or in our personal lives. We might not understand how Allah (swt) fits into our life. We may also find it difficult to love Him, because how can you love someone – deeply love someone – you do not know?

Thus it is hoped that these Names have increased our knowledge of our Creator, and have made apparent how Allah (swt) is with us in every moment.

Today’s Name should inspire in us ‘khashya’ and ‘hayba’. These words are sometimes both translated as ‘fear’, thus removing the important distinctions between the two words. In the ‘Sweetness of Prayer’ series, we explained the difference between the different types of fear:

‘Khawf’ is to flee from the thing that you fear, and requires no knowledge of that which is feared. You can be afraid, or have ‘khawf’, of the dark. ‘Khashya’, on the other hand, is fear with knowledge. The more a servant has knowledge of his Lord, the more ‘khawf’ turns to ‘khashya’. As Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an:

“Only those fear Allah, from among His servants, who have knowledge” (35:28).

‘Hayba’ is fear associated with respect, awe and glorification. You could, for example, fear fire. But the reason for your fear is that the fire may harm you, so fire earns no ‘hayba’; you do not glorify it. However, you could have a certain ‘hayba’ of your father; you could be afraid to do something wrong in front of him, but that fear is out of respect.

Al-Qahhar: The Dominator

Allah’s Name al-Qahhar comes from the Arabic root qaf-haa-ra (ق-ه-ر). It means ‘to dominate over’ or ‘to subdue from above’. Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an in Surat al-An`aam;

“And He is the subjugator (al-qaahiru) over His servants. And He is the Wise (al-Hakeem), the Acquainted [with all] (al-Khabeer). (6:18)

Someone with this attribute might be considered a tyrant, which is why Allah (swt) tells us that this attribute is possessed by the One who is also the Most Wise and the One who is Best Acquainted with everything. This reference is also for the benefit of those who doubt this attribute, and might ask “why has Allah not overpowered the tyrants of today, of whom there are many?” Allah (swt) is reminding us that there is ultimate wisdom in whom He chooses to subdue at any point in time. This is where our understanding of the holistic nature of Allah’s Names should come in: we spoke before about how Allah (swt) is Forbearing and Patient, and He gives people – even tyrants – the opportunity to turn back.

Thus we see in the Qur’an that Allah sends Moses and Aaron `alayhimaa as-salaam (may Allah’s peace be upon them both) to Pharaoh – and calling Pharaoh ‘oppressive’ would be an understatement! – telling them initially to speak to him gently. Pharaoh rejects them. Moses then shows him proof of his prophethood. Pharaoh rejects him again, insisting on enslaving the Children of Israel. Finally, Allah (swt) overpowers him by drowning him, using someone from the very people that Pharaoh was oppressing, who grew up in his own house. Such is the way of al-Qahhar, who manifests His power by subduing tyrants through the objects of their tyranny.

This is why Imam al-Ghazali describes al-Qahhar in this way: “The Dominator is the one who breaks the back of the powerful among His enemies… Indeed there is no existing thing that is not subject to the domination of His power, and powerlessness in His grasp. That is all.”
Therefore, when we look at events today and wonder “where is al-Qahhar?”, we should remember the story of Moses. Remember that Moses prevailed. Remember that Pharaoh was overpowered.

Our role is to strive against this oppression, knowing that ultimately this is what we will be asked about, and everything is subjected to the Will of Allah (swt). Indeed, so many tyrannical powers eventually come crashing down, bowing to the will of al-Qahhar. Unfortunately, we may not attribute it to Him, but as Allah (swt) tells us:

“The Day they come forth nothing concerning them will be concealed from Allah. To whom belongs [all] sovereignty this Day? To Allah, the One, the Prevailing (al-Qahhar).” (40:16)

On that Day, all will be apparent. All those who oppressed, in both seemingly small and big ways, will be before Allah, al-Qahhar. Then, there will be no ambiguity.
Living with these Names

1 – Balance fear and hope

Today’s Name might cause us to be afraid. This is not a subject we like to talk to about, because it is so much more reassuring to focus on those attributes that enable us to relax. But remembering that Allah (swt) has attributes of Majesty should instill in us the ‘khashya’ and ‘hayba’ described earlier. Moreover, Allah’s Names are to be looked at holistically. He is al-Qahhar and He is also al-Lateef (the subtle, the most kind).

2 – Dominate your lower desires
In previous articles, we talked about how we should emulate the attributes of Beauty. But what about attributes of Majesty? How do we apply them? Al-Ghazali counseled: “The dominator amongst men is the one who subdues his enemies. The greatest enemy of man is his soul, which is within him. This soul is more of an enemy to him than Satan, of whose enmity he is wary. Whoever conquers his passions conquers Satan, since Satan lures him to ruin by means of his passions.”

3 – Use that fear to stop at least one sin

To know that Allah is al-Qahhar is to burn the desire for sin in the heart. Because Allah (swt) is the Dominator, we should fear that perhaps al-Qahhar, al-Mumeet (the Life-Taker) might take our soul as we are committing the sin. This should alert us that despite it seeming as though we are being allowed to oppress our souls, we may still face the fate mentioned in this verse:

“So when they forgot that by which they had been reminded, We opened to them the doors of every [good] thing until, when they rejoiced in that which they were given, We seized them suddenly, and they were [then] in despair.” (Qur’an, 6:44)

These people used the gifts of Allah (swt) in the opposite manner to that for which they were intended, and then they were seized. In another chapter, Allah (swt) describes to us the people of the garden, who took an oath that they would reap all of their fruits and leave nothing for the poor. Allah (swt) caused their garden to be completely burned to the ground, but the owners of that garden understood the lesson. They willed something, but Allah (swt) overpowered their will, and so they turned back to Him.

Hence, this fear should not paralyze us from doing good, but it should paralyze us from doing bad. We should try to choose at least one thing – like backbiting or lying – and do our best to use this Name to help us stop it.

4 – Do not oppress others

The surest way to earn the wrath of al-Qahhar is to oppress others. Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an: “So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him] (fa laa taqhar)” (93:9). The word ‘taqhar’ comes from the same root of the name al-Qahhar. We should understand that oppression is not simply for unjust leaders or cruel human traffickers. We may also be oppressing others in more subtle ways, and thus we should be diligent to avoid this.

A short while ago, my wife and I took our two kids to the local public library. Going to the library today is much different than it was when I was a child.  I remember the distinct smell of old books and how their pages seemed to coalesce into a never-ending narrative. There weren’t many computers back then (gasp!) and the ones that were around, made inter-galactic sounds that freaked everybody out.

When we got there, the kids jumped on to the computers positioned along the wall and started working on the interactive programs designed for their education. I took that opportunity to disappear for a bit and explore. As I perused through the columns of bookshelves, I saw a book that sent nostalgic goose bumps down my spine. The book called “The Giving Tree” is a short story written by Shel Silverstein. Initially published in 1964, this children’s book tells the story of a young boy and his relationship with his friend: a tree. In short, the boy befriends this tree that seems willing to do anything for him. The boy would come and play in her shade, gather her leaves, and even play hide-and-seek. As the boy grows older, he becomes more engrossed by the world around him and is no longer satisfied by the company of his friend.  At one point, he asks the tree for money!

”I’m sorry”, said the tree,” but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you’ll be happy.”
And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away.

And the tree was happy…

Here we see just one example of the tree’s unconditional love for the boy and its willingness to sacrifice itself for him. This story reminded me of the types of friendships we form and how dysfunctional many of them are. We have all seen, or even been a part of, one-way friendships where one party is always giving and the other always taking. Some give so much emotionally that they completely lose their identity and become utterly dependent on their so called, “friends.”

By now my kids are halfway complete with Dora the Explorer’s version of the matching game and I’m sitting in the corner, squeezing myself into one of those tiny chairs reserved for toddlers, totally engrossed in the book.

Don’t judge me.

But it got me thinking. What is the nature of a friendship in Islam? How is it described in the Qur’an?

Most of us know that many of God’s beloved messengers had names that give us glimpses into how He looks at them. For example, Jesus Christ (peace and blessings be upon him) is known in Islam as Ruh Allah-The spirit of God.  Mohammed ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) is referred to as, “Habib Allah”– God’s beloved. And Abraham, the father of the prophets, received the name, Khalil Allah– God’s friend. So, if Abraham (peace and blessings be upon him) was God’s friend, what was the nature of their relationship?

In chapter four of the Qur’an, entitled “Women”, Allah says,

“Who could have a better religion than someone who submits himself completely to God and is a good-doer, and follows the religion of Ibrahim, a man of pure natural belief? God took Ibrahim as an intimate friend.” (Qur’an 4:125)

Furthermore, in chapter 16, “The Bee”, Allah says,

“Surely Abraham was an exemplar, obedient to God, upright, and he was not of the polytheists. He showed his gratitude for the favors of God, who chose him, and guided him to a Straight Way. And We gave him Good in this world, and he will be, in the Hereafter, in the ranks of the Righteous. So We have taught you the inspiration, ‘Follow the ways of Ibrahim the True in Faith, and he associated none with God.” (Qur’an 16:120-123)

What struck me about those passages was the importance of gratitude in friendship. If we take a look at our friendships, whether with our spouses, parents, cousins, homeboys/homegirls, we’ve got to ask ourselves, are we grateful for that shoulder to cry on? Do we take the initiative to call our friends when times are good and not just when we need some cash?

At the end of the book, the boy, now an old man, comes back to the tree. The tree, unable to give anything more, tries to explain herself to the boy.

”I am sorry, Boy”, said the tree, “but I have nothing left to give you My apples are gone”.
”My teeth are too weak for apples”, said the boy.
”My branches are gone”, said the tree. “You cannot swing on them”.
”I am too old to swing on branches”, said the boy.
”My trunk is gone”, said the tree. “You cannot climb”.
”I am too tired to climb”, said the boy.
“I am sorry” sighed the tree. “I wish that I could give you something… but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry…”
”I don’t need very much now”, said the boy. “Just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired”.

”Well”, said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, “well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down… sit down and rest”.

And the boy did.
And the tree was happy…

The tree had nothing left to give. Despite that, she still offers her stump, barely a few feet off the ground, as a resting place for her old friend.

Life is too short to lose sight of the people we love. The friendships we formulate during our time here have the power to resonate for eternity. We just have to show gratitude and respect for each other’s time and effort.

And we’ll be happy.

Now that we know we must love the Prophet ﷺ, what true love is, and what the signs of love are, we must begin to actually build this love. As was mentioned in Part II, the longest lasting love is a love of someone’s “perfection in noble inner qualities.” So we will now begin to go through snapshots of the life of our Beloved, Mohammed ﷺ.

For forty years prior to the revelation, the Prophet ﷺ was indisputably known to be of sound morals. Amongst his tribe he was known as “As-Sadeeq Al-Ameen,” meaning “the honest and trustworthy one.” The fact that he was given this name can mean one of two things:

1. Either his honesty and trustworthy nature surpassed all others, or
2. At the time, it was rare to find someone who was honest and trustworthy; therefore his nature was unique and treasured as such.

There are many instances in the seerah (Prophetic biography) that illustrate the moral soundness of the Prophet ﷺ. One of these stories exemplifies the strength of the trust people had in him. It happened near the beginning of his prophethood. He summoned the people of Quraysh to the foot of a mountain and called out to them, saying: “Would you believe me if I told you an enemy host was waiting behind this hill to attack you?” Everyone, including those who would soon become his enemies, agreed that they would believe him. Although we may have heard this story many times, it may be difficult to grasp the true significance of that moment; an entire tribe agreed that they would prepare for a battle with an enemy they had not seen, using their precious time, and risking their resources – based on the words of one man. Allahu Akbar! (God is great).

It is said that the people had so much faith in him that they would advise one another to seek his services when needed. They would say, “If you have to travel and need someone to look after your wife, entrust her to Muhammad without hesitation, for he will not even glance at her face. If you want to entrust your wealth for safeguarding, entrust it to this trustworthy, honest man, for he will never touch it. If you look for someone who never tells a lie and never breaks his word, go directly to Muhammad, because whatever he says is true.”

The best way to feel this point is to take a moment and imagine someone who you trust one hundred percent, someone you know would never hurt you, someone who would never betray your trust. When they speak, you know that their words contained no lies; you find comfort in their presence. Most likely, this imagining will cause you to yearn for someone of this nature. Now take a moment and change that yearning for a nameless individual, to yearning for the Prophet ,ﷺ because this description is exactly what he was like.

May Allah (swt) cause us to be of those who yearn to be in the presence of the Beloved, Mohammed ﷺ and truly make him beloved to our hearts.

As we grow up, especially here in America, it seems as if we develop a sense of independence and self-reliance. We like to do things for ourselves – we enjoy setting our own schedules and determining what the most appropriate thing to do is. We are often disenchanted with authority and restrictions; this can lead to tension during those hormone-driven teen years.

It hit me just now that it is not my parents who lose in our relationship when I leave, but me. It is simply amazing and unfortunate that we are often so blind as humans that we underestimate and overlook the blessings in our lives until we lose them or are about to lose them.

As I prepare to move out of my house for the last time, I cannot help but feel an empty void. My parents have always been there for me in the worst of times and best of times. Sure there might have been those communication mishaps where care and love leads to frustration and anger, but in reality those were only small bumps and potholes along the road. Compared to the many times my dad and I “fixed” things around the house together or chatted endlessly on world affairs, or the times my mom and I prepared meals together or discussed social affairs, those strained moments seem like simply nothing. In fact, looking back, one can really see that any difficult times were founded in deep care for one another.

“And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both attain old age in your life, then do not say to them ‘uff‘ (a word of disrespect), nor shout at them, rather address them in terms of honor. And lower for them the wing of submission and humility through mercy. And say, ‘My Lord! Grant them Your mercy as they brought me up when I was small.” (Qur’an, 17:23-24)

This is just a reminder to my fellow brethren (especially the younger ones) to kick it with your parents. Find all the small things that make your parents happy and just do them! Buy your mom flowers (even if it’s just once!) and do something for your dad that he really appreciates. Why? Simply to make your parents happy. When we go out of our way to make our parents happy we are obeying Allah in being dutiful to our parents and we get a glimpse at what their lives have been like; it allows us to appreciate all that they have done for us. Every stage in life has a sweetness to it, and without a doubt one of the sweetest things is being with and learning from your parents. Do not miss out!

To my parents: jazakum Allahu kulli khayran (may Allah reward you with good), may Allah `azza wa jal (the Mighty and Majestic) reward you both because I cannot come close to repaying you. I love you.