“The one you are looking to for help and guidance needs patience and good treatment too. No Muslim is perfect, whether revert or born into a Muslim family, student or Islamic teacher, layperson or scholar.”

—from the journal of Umm Zakiyyah

It took years before I realized how others saw me. In my mind, I was still that self-conscious girl whose voice was trapped inside her in a world that belonged to other people. I was still the girl who would walk the boisterous halls of middle school with the daily hope—and prayer—that no one took notice. I did not want anyone to see the white cloth on my head. It was the double-take that scared me most. If someone looked twice, I knew a snide remark or sneer was coming…and then maybe them yanking off my hijab.

O Allah, protect me from them. That was my heart’s daily plea. The banging of lockers slamming closed. The whirling whisper of combination locks turning. And even laughter. These were the most terrifying sounds to me.

In elementary school I fought back—once. But the school had swiftly punished me for harming the boy who had harmed me daily. So I knew better than to seek comfort in teachers or administrators. My only hope was in wowing them with my wits. They were on the other side, opposite me. Their cordiality was an obligation, their kindness a contract term that expired at the end of the day. But their hearts were aligned with students who hovered near my locker, saying, “What would you do if we snatched that rag off your head?”

At such moments, my words were a gift, a miracle even. And I was often in awe at the effect they had on others, the effect they had in protecting me.

“But you’re Umm Zakiyyah,” a friend and colleague said to me one day when I came to her for advice regarding some problems the teachers were having at our school.

“What?” I said, taken aback. I had no idea what my being a published author had to do with addressing our concerns.

“People expect a lot from you,” she said, almost apologetically.

After a few more moments of puzzlement, my heart dropped in understanding. If I spoke up, people would think, What’s her problem? Who does she think she is?

And like a prophecy, my friend’s words kept manifesting themselves around me. “I never expected this from you,” an administrator said to me when I asked if my workload could be lessened. I was teaching more hours than my contract stipulated, and I was also being given unofficial administrative responsibilities. I did not think I could handle much more. “You’re not the type of person I’d expect to complain about doing extra to help the school.”

Oh my God, how do other Muslims do it? This is the question that stays with me today. How do imams and scholars, public figures and Islamic teachers, and even overtly “strong Muslims” and those active in their communities carry the burden of benefiting others while managing to be viewed as human at the same time?

And I am not talking about excessive workloads. I am talking about the expectations that others have of you. The inability to make a mistake. Having no right to a bad day. The requirement to get everything right. The swift criticism if your words inadvertently offend someone—or if someone feels you could have done more for them.

“I’m only human,” I have often said.

“But you can’t expect others to see you that way,” I was told.

Years ago, I would have taken these words to heart, believing that I myself should deny my humanity simply because others expected me to. But today I am more realistic, more hopeful even. Because now I understand that each of us has a similar struggle as we seek spiritual direction and help others along the way.

But there are still times that I feel like that girl in the boisterous halls of middle school, hoping and praying that no one does a double-take and sees a person who is distinctly different from them.

Umm Zakiyyah is the internationally acclaimed author of the If I Should Speak trilogy and the novel Muslim Girl. Daughter of American converts to Islam, she writes about the interfaith struggles of Muslims and Christians, and the intercultural, spiritual, and moral struggles of Muslims in America. She also writes under her birth name Ruby Moore. Currently, she is working on an independent film project to turn her first novel into a movie. Visit her website at uzauthor.com

Copyright © 2015 by Al-Walaa Publications. All Rights Reserved.

WRITTEN FOR VIRTUALMOSQUE.COM

“And women in the city said, ‘The wife of al-‘Azeez is seeking to seduce her slave boy; he has impassioned her with love. Indeed, we see her [to be] in clear error.'” (Qur’an, 12:30)

“So when she heard of their accusation, she sent for them and prepared a banquet for them; she gave each one of them a knife (to cut the foodstuff with), and she said [to Yusuf]: ‘Come out before them.’ Then, when they saw him, they exalted (at his beauty) and (in their astonishment) cut their hands. They said: ‘How perfect is Allah! No man is this! This is none other than a noble angel!'” (Qur’an, 12:31)

“She said, ‘That is the one about whom you blamed me. And I certainly sought to seduce him, but he firmly refused; and if he will not do what I order him, he will surely be imprisoned and will be of those debased.'” (Qur’an, 12:32)

Here we see the stark distinction between Yusuf (as) and the wife of the `Aziz. While Yusuf (as) feels a strong sense of responsibility for his actions, the wife of the `Aziz actually tries justifying her attempt. When word got around that she tried to seduce Yusuf (as), she calls the women to her home and shows them Yusuf (as). Once they have become bewildered and shocked at his beauty, she simply says: “That is the one about whom you blamed me.” In other words, “Now do you understand why I did it? He’s just too beautiful!”

This shifting of blame is problematic, and we naturally tend to fall into it as humans. Although we might seem stressed when we vent about things we have to do or things that we cannot do, many times we are just making excuses.

This Ramadan, it is time to stop making excuses every time we fail to utilize the opportunities this blessed month provides us with. It is time to take full advantage. With a sincere intention and some effort, Allah will make a way out for you just as He granted freedom and success to Yusuf (as) later in the story. Pick your friends wisely and get cracking!

This is a small glimpse of the trials Sultan Muhammad II faced in his struggle to conquer Constantinople, currently known as Istanbul. Reading from books and watching documentaries about his life and accomplishments, I’ve found this story to be the most difficult to accept. My reaction to it, as that of many I’ve talked to, was, “Ugh, that’s tough.” We’re so used to hearing the question, “How can you judge people when only Allah knows their intentions?!” to the degree that we no longer differentiate between judging people and holding them responsible.

Subhan’Allah. We forget that this sultan and his army were described by the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) 800 years prior:

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Indeed Constantinople will be conquered, and verily what a great prince its prince is, and verily what a great army that army is.” (Musnad Imam Ahmad)

The Prophet’s praise of Sultan Muhammad II and his army shifts the lens through which we analyze this story. Instead of thinking about how “tough” Al-Faatih treated Baltughlu, think about what a high standard of achievement the sultan and his army held for themselves.

Sometimes we let mistakes slide, even if they hurt others, using the alibi that we do not want to be tough or judgmental. Yet, whether it is done consciously or not, we let the mistake slide because we too do not want to be punished if we make the same mistake. Unfortunately, this culture of irresponsibility and lower standards leads to many losses in our community, from keeping unqualified individuals in positions of power and influence to allowing aggressions our children commit against each other pass as “kids horsing around,” only to find that these aggressive qualities only grow bigger.

Divine Guidance in Responsibility and Justice

As humans, we do not know the intentions of others, and hence, can only hold each other accountable by our actions. On the other hand, Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – exalted is He) is All-Knowing and judges our actions by the intention and the means used. Yet His judgment is not limited to intentions, for He has set a high standard of justice and integrity for the believers’ actions.

“O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm for Allah , witnesses in justice, and do not let the hatred of a people prevent you from being just. Be just; that is nearer to righteousness. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what you do.” [Qur’an, 5:8]

In this ayah (verse), Allah (swt) holds us to the highest standard of justice: to be just even to people we hate. Moreover, He commands us to be just, even if justice served will be against ourselves or our families.

“O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.” [Qur’an, 4:135]

As a reward for those who live up to the high standard of righteous deeds and integrity while being a believer, Allah (swt) promises success in this life and in the hereafter. We notice that Allah (swt) recurringly describes the righteous in the Qur’an as (1) those who believe and (2) do righteous deeds. Allah’s judgment encompasses both the actions and the intentions.

“Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer – We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do.” [Qur’an, 16:97]

So, Allah (swt) also promises higher worldly status for those who believe and live up to the high standard of righteous deeds.

“Allah has promised those who have believed among you and done righteous deeds that He will surely grant them succession [to authority] upon the earth just as He granted it to those before them and that He will surely establish for them [therein] their religion which He has preferred for them and that He will surely substitute for them, after their fear, security, [for] they worship Me, not associating anything with Me. But whoever disbelieves after that – then those are the defiantly disobedient.” [24:55]

We see an example of how Allah (swt) substitutes fear with security for those who hold themselves to a high standard of righteousness in the continuation of the story of Sultan Muhammad II and his army. It is an amazing to see how they were granted victory after failing to intercept the Venetian warships.

May Allah (swt) make us live up to the highest standards of integrity and justice to gain His pleasure. Ameen.