Photo: Matt Carman

Originally posted in 2007.

What do you think of when you see a Muslim doing something considered wrong?

Ever look down on them? Think you are better than them? It’s really easy to be self-righteous. It’s even easier to fall prey to this attitude if you sport the outer ‘righteous’ look.

But let’s ask ourselves this question: has Allah written us amongst His righteous servants? Or is that a title we have only given ourselves?

Check this:

I was once sitting at the da`wah (outreach) table on my college campus and a female student approached it. She asked if she could have a Qur’an, and of course, I was happy to give one to her. Then she said, “Can I ask you a question?”  The question sounded kind of deep, so I invited her to sit next to me on the empty chair. She took up the offer.

“Please don’t judge me,” she began. SubhanAllah (glory be to God)! The courage it must have taken for her to come and speak to me, for her to begin with that statement.

After reassuring her, how could I judge her? She began—

She told me that she was Muslim and she became involved in a relationship for the first time in her life with a Muslim guy. Her intention was for long term, but she felt so terrible doing it. She told me when she is with her boyfriend, she feels horrible, even though she thinks she is supposed to feel good. She told me that she knows that this is such a big sin, that she wants to stop, but that it is just so, so hard. And she asked me: Can Allah forgive me?

While this girl was speaking, I was looking at her thinking: look at the struggle she is going through for the sake of God. She hates what she is doing because she knows it’s something He would not be pleased with, she wants so much for God to forgive her, but it is so hard for her to leave what she knows she shouldn’t do.

Her desire to repent became so intense that she came to me, a girl she has never even seen before, who could easily judge her, and poured out her heart. She was so desperate in her wanting to know: Could Allah forgive her? Could He really forgive such a sin?

I told her—man, God is THE MOST MERCIFUL! He will forgive ANYTHING when you turn to Him! I kept telling her about God’s Mercy, about how He is so, so happy to accept the repentance of His creation.

We kept talking about how God must be pleased with her internal struggle because she clearly wants to gain His pleasure despite her difficulty. We looked at the Holy Hadith, where God talks about us and says:

“O child of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O child of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O child of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.” (Ahmad)

She was overwhelmed with emotion. I then shared with her a supplication that, if said with firm belief in the morning or evening, and if death happens on that day or night, the person who said it would be amongst the people of Paradise.

The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon us) taught us the chief supplication (sayyidul istighfaar) of asking for forgiveness as follows:

اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ رَبِّي لا إِلَهَ إِلا أَنْتَ خَلَقْتَنِي وَأَنَا عَبْدُكَ وَأَنَا عَلَى عَهْدِكَ وَوَعْدِكَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا صَنَعْتُ أَبُوءُ لَكَ بِنِعْمَتِكَ عَلَيَّ وَأَبُوءُ لَكَ بِذَنْبِي فَاغْفِرْ لِي فَإِنَّهُ لا يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلا أَنْتَ

Allahumma anta rabbi, la ilaha illa anta, khalaqtani wa ana abduka [if you’re a male]/amatuk [if you’re a female], wa ana ‘ala `ahdika wa wa`dika mastata`tu. A`udhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu, abu’u laka bini`matika ‘alaiya, wa abu’u laka bidhanbi, faghfirli, fainnahu la yaghfiru adhdhunuba illa ant.

O Allah! You are my Lord! None has the right to be worshipped but You. You created me and I am Your slave, and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise as much as I can. I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done. I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me, and I confess to You all my sins. So I entreat You to forgive my sins, for nobody can forgive sins except You. (Bukhari)

And of course, the most intimate way of feeling close to Allah is to come to Him, from the depths of one’s heart, in the language easiest for oneself, with the words coming from one’s own soul, asking for His forgiveness.

Reflect

I want you to go back to your original answer when I first posed the question. What would you be thinking of someone you see doing something you feel is wrong?

Yes, in that moment, that person might be outwardly sinning if that is what they are doing, but perhaps internally they are struggling and fighting every time they commit the sin, and are continually seeking to turn back to God. Perhaps in some people’s eyes, this person is a ‘sinner’ (and who amongst us is not?). But perhaps in the Sight of Allah, they are more beloved to Him because of their sincere struggle, than those of us who can easily fall into feeling arrogant about our Islamic activism, our Islamic appearance, or our ‘hard-core’ connection with Rabb il`alameen  (the Lord of the Worlds). We need to be careful. Are we really connected? Am I really connected?

And don’t get me wrong: the struggle of those who are trying to stay upright and please God Almighty is a weighty, honorable and noble one.

But for those of us who might have ‘been there’ and left it, and then feel arrogant that we’re no longer involved in the “ways of the sinners,” and perhaps even might feel better than others because we’re so pure and special, then my advice to myself is what Omar  radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) advised, “Take account of yourselves before you are audited.”

Or in the words of Ice Cube, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

“I’ve disappointed myself one too many times in my lifetime. Going for the gold, reaching half way, then giving up as if it was nothing…as if it wasn’t worth it. Each time I do this, I’m left staring at my pitiful reflection in the mirror saying, “What the heck is my problem? What is it that I do not understand? Why do I not see Hell-fire in front of me? Why is it that I am so certain while doing these things that I’m going to Jannah (heaven), all the while justifying my idiosyncrasies with excuses galore?”

If we don’t take the time to realize why we commit sins, we may never be able to prevent them. There are many different kinds of mistakes, and pinpointing them makes a world of difference.

The first kind of mistake is that of ignorance. In these mistakes, we do not realize the dangers of disobeying the Creator. In times like these, we should take the advice from those who came before us when they said, “Don’t ever look at the smallness of the sin you are committing, rather realize the magnitude of the One you are sinning against.”

The next kind of sin is that which is done to simply follow one’s desire. We know that the action we are doing is wrong, and we know that we are sinning against the Almighty; yet we still do it out of weakness in controlling our own desires. It is in these matters that we need to gain self-control and self-restraint lest we be deemed of those whom Allah speaks about in the Qur’an when He says:

Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah? Then will you not be reminded? (45:23)

Another type of mistake is that which is known as the “Time Zone” Mistake. This is a sin that is directly influenced by a time or place that one is in. This could range from I only do this mistake if I stay up late at night or I only make this mistake when I go visit my friend at her house. These mistakes are the easiest to prevent if we are able to eliminate our entering the specific “Time Zone.” For example, if hanging out with a certain friend always results in you committing a sin, the best way to prevent that sin is to stop hanging out with that friend. At times, however, we are not able to eliminate the “Time Zone” element from our lives, and in cases like these we should resort to putting forth extra effort during the times that we know we are at risk for a specific sin. And of these “Time Zone” mistakes, there is another which is called the “Companion Mistake.” Our friends influence us greatly and when we are around those who sin, we increase our chance of sinning as well.

The worst of all these sins, however, is that sin which is done openly.  The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “All of my ummah may be forgiven except those who commit sin openly. It is a kind of committing sin openly if a man does something at night, then morning comes and Allah has concealed his sin, but he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when his Lord has concealed him (his action) all night but in the morning he reveals that which Allah had concealed for him.”

Once these sins have been recognized, there are some steps that need to be taken. I have heard people say many different things about what to do after a sin is committed, but I find that the six-step remedy is the most comprehensive. These six steps include:

1. Admitting your mistake;
2. Repenting to Allah;
3. NOT MAKING EXCUSES;
4. Being serious about seeking change;
5. Always realizing the result of the sin;
6. And not being a candle – giving light to others and burning yourself.

In the end, we should realize that a doctor is not a doctor because she claimed to be. A surgeon is not a surgeon because she said she’s good with her hands. A teacher is not a teacher because she said, ‘I can teach.’ They first have to take a series of exams, and not everyone passes.

Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried? (29:2)

May Allah cause us to be of those who see our mistakes and fix them, and of those who see other people’s mistakes and help them through it.

When Religious Leaders Fail: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Sexual Harassment.  Marrying a second wife secretly for a temporary amount of time.  Pedophilia. Pornography. Adultery and its kin: developing ‘back-up’ plan relationships while married. Embezzling funds.  Spiritual abuse and false religious justifications for harmful/ immoral behavior. Slander.

Then you see their names on flyers for Islamic events, and hear them speaking about modesty, integrity, courage, family life, being a good husband or wife, a good father or mother, detached from money and wealth, the ethics of speech. They might have adoring crowds who don’t know or just a small team of people they work with who don’t care.

If you’ve ever had a religious teacher or teachers who didn’t just fall, but they *failed* miserably at upholding a basic ethical standard for themselves, you may have experienced emotional burn-out as a result. Please note that religious leaders may fall all the time because they are human and it is human to fall as no one can fully escape the minor sins. This is why I used the term “Fail.” A Fail, as I use it in this series, is when a religious leader falls into a major sin or a socially reprehensible sin that is beneath the level of trust afforded to their position, is confronted, and they stubbornly refuse to make proper amends even when given the chance. This is a fail.

Please also note that I use the term emotional burn-out, and not spiritual burn-out because the spirit is essentially untouchable. Our bodies on the other hand produce emotions, and they do get affected by the stress of disappointment. Sometimes spirit and emotion are used interchangeably in language and it’s important to realize they are certainly not one and the same, as described by Ustadh Abdelrahman Mussa here. This is significant because once you realize the burn-out is emotional, you have a pathway to recovery.

Let’s unpack some of the emotions and delve into the conscious and subconscious thoughts behind such disappointment:

• You may feel your trust was betrayed by their behavior because they did not practice what they preached. They not only did the opposite, but they did so in ways which are lower than you would ever expect in a friend, let alone a teacher and spokesperson for the religion. You may have trusted them, looked up to them, helped them, loved them, and/or obeyed them with devotion. The closer you were, the deeper the pain.
• As a once devoted student, you may now feel nothing when you hear about Islamic lectures, classes, and events featuring other speakers and religious leaders. After all, they could be corrupt as well. Why risk the pain of getting emotionally ‘burned’ again?
• Perhaps you feel the whole “Religious Preachers Industry” is corrupt to begin with. After all, you may have found out that others in the field were aware of this person’s ethical issues and did nothing to protect the public, or defend the rights of those abused. In fact, some continued to work with and promote their work as it was mutually advantageous to do so. Somehow, when religious leaders fail, they seem to be treated as above the law, above justice, and others in the field are part of the cover up using excuses of selective mercy that do not extend to the masses these people have harmed, or have the very real probability of harming, based on their issue reflecting an untreated pattern of such behavior.
• If you were specifically harmed by a religious leader, you may feel unsafe around religious leaders in general, particularly ones with the same physical profile or features as the person who harmed you.
• Deep down you may be questioning God for allowing such corrupt people to represent His faith. You may feel at a subconscious level disappointed in God for allowing them to be the leaders of the Muslim community.
• You may also feel disappointment in yourself for not being ‘smarter’, wiser, for not seeing through the deception. This may also mean you lack trust in your own judgment and don’t trust yourself to trust again.
• You may feel disappointment with the masses for following such people with the same ‘blindness’ that you once did. Some of their fans may even continue to defend the religious leader and blame the people who were harmed for daring to speak up.
• You may feel a general lack of hope for the Muslim community. If corrupt or complicit are the leaders, and blind are the followers, what if anything can be done toward progress?
• You may feel like you have no control over holding the religious leader accountable if you were personally harmed, and you may feel no control in preventing them from harming others.
• You may feel isolated and disconnected because this issue doesn’t seem to bother others around you as much as it bothers you.

This is not a comprehensive list by any stretch of what may be some underlying frustrations. Each of these points can create a myriad of different powerful emotions, so imagine what a few or all of them could create? Rather than feel all the sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, disappointment, helplessness, dislike, pain, loneliness, vulnerability, hopelessness, (insert huge overwhelming emotion here), etc. , you may have simply shut down your feelings altogether, thus creating apathy and numbness. Holding onto to the apathy and numbness for a prolonged period without help can lead to a crisis in one’s faith as there is a tendency to extend the apathy to one’s relationship to Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) Himself.

This post is simply an introduction to the topic and future posts are meant to deal with each of the aforementioned points in greater detail. If you are someone who has experienced this test and what you’re struggling with emotionally is not addressed in the points above, please add your specific struggle to the comments section and we will try to address it insha’ Allah (God willing). If you have a specific trauma that you would like counseling or therapy for, we can try to connect you to someone qualified insha’ Allah. If you have not gone through this test alhamdulilah (praise be to God), it is hoped that these posts may empower you to help someone who has.

Even though this is simply an introduction, there is one important lesson I would like to leave us with for this week: We can and should disagree with unethical behavior from anyone without disapproving of the qadar (decree) of Allah. Disagreeing with someone’s harmfulness is healthy, needed, and productive. Blaming Allah for having experienced it is not. Once something is in the past, it is part of His decree. Once it is part of His decree, you accept the good and bad of it as being a test from Him, which could not have been other than what occurred. There is no changing the past. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried on it. You embrace His test without doubting His Perfection, Justice, and Mercy. There is no need to attribute either to Allah (swt) or even to yourself anything negative about this test. Allah does not hate you and you are not a horrible or unworthy person because this test happened to you. These are harmful thoughts that lack any benefit and only push you into the mud, so you can imagine where they came from. The whispers of shaytan (the devil) are to make us despair in Allah (swt), and despair in ourselves. Instead, look to what is beneficial and ask yourself: What do I have control over? What will I be asked about when I am resurrected? My immediate choices. How can I use my immediate choices to better the situation? How can I use my immediate choices to make the best transaction with Allah (swt) through this test, and gain unfathomable reward insha’ Allah? How can I rely on Allah (swt) for strength and guidance and come out personally stronger and wiser? Some answers insha’ Allah will be in the upcoming posts. For now, allow yourself to reflect on your own answers and realize that this is simply the practical application of the famous hadith (narration):

“The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both. Guard over that which benefits you, seek Allah’s Assistance, wa laa ta’jiz [‘don’t lend yourself to things devoid of benefit’, ‘don’t stop hoping’—both acceptable meanings], and if something befalls you, then don’t say ‘If I only would have done such and such,’ rather say, ‘Qaddar Allahu wa maa sha’a  fa’al’ [‘Allah ordained (this) and He does what He wills’], for verily the phrase, ‘If I would have’ makes way for the work of Shaytan.” (Muslim)

No matter how weak you might feel in your faith, the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) affirms there is still good in you and the fact that you believe is evidence of the love Allah (swt) has for you. The recipe to increased strength starts with embracing the decree of Allah, remaining hopeful in Him, and focusing on what is beneficial to you in this life and the next. Know that gratitude in Allah (swt) for the faith He has blessed you with increases it, and is immensely beneficial. You may not realize it yet, but you got this insha’ Allah.

Photo: Pankaj Kaushal

Years ago I came across this quote. I still can’t get over how true it is.

Muslim youth living in all corners of the world face similar struggles in our day-to-day lives. We strive to survive while being surrounded by the societal (and often times, cultural and familial) promotion, acceptance, and idealization of things that contradict the tenants of our faith: pride, lust, greed, extramarital relationships, alcohol/drugs, misogyny – just to name a few.

We are also surrounded by social practices and traditions that can also be pretty un-Islamic: issues such as racism, forced marriages, the withholding of education for females, and tribalism unfortunately exist on grand scales in Muslim societies all over the world.

As Muslim youth, most of us living in the diaspora, we have much to deal with. We struggle to maintain our Muslim identities while at the same time balancing our racial, national, and individual identities as well.

Sometimes it seems that everywhere we look, we are being called to sin. And inevitably, we answer that call.

We fall so many times only to fall again. We try so very hard to create our own, personal spiritual bubbles where Islam is the driving force in our lives, only to have it burst by things like temptation, other Muslims’ biases and discrimination, our own families making it hard for us, stress, our school lives, etc.

And slowly, as our hearts erode, a peculiar type of anxiety eats away at our souls and comes with a little voice in our heads. The voice tells us time and time again that what we are doing is haram (impermissible) or sinful, but we ignore it as we seek to numb the pain—a pain that has surfaced as a result of never being good enough. Never being “Muslim” enough, or “religious” enough, or “Western” enough.

How do we turn our faces from sin when it is everywhere? When it is adulated, respected, and upheld by our very own societies as a noble thing? We become confused – the bad becomes good. We go against our natural instincts. Eventually we become submerged in our own little hells, metaphorical places where internal suffering, sadness, disappointment, and self-loathing manifest. The “internal fire of regret”, as Ibn Al-Qayyim radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) puts it.

This quote teaches me that through one way or another, we will be purified of our sins. It’s up to us whether or not we seek purification in this life (through repentance) or we wait until the next (through the Fire).

I know. We’ve fallen so many times. We’re hurt, sore, and bruised. We are ashamed of our actions, and may even deem ourselves unworthy of seeking repentance. But something must quell that fire in our hearts. Something must quench our desires to be loved and accepted by the One whose love and acceptance is truly the only one that matters at the end of the day.

Say it – Astaghfirullah (I seek forgiveness from God).

I know; it hurts. But it certainly cannot hurt more than what is to come if we let our sins remain in our hearts, our minds, our spirits.

We are more than the sins that we commit. Don’t let the devil fool you. Don’t let those people who are a negative influence in your lives or those who sin openly and proudly fool you either.

We may fall a thousand times, but as long as we try to get back up, there is always hope.

And Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) knows best.

Photo: Paul Oka

Names of Allah Series:  Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX | Part XX | Part XXI | Part XXII | Part XXIII | Part XXIV | Part XXV | Part XXVI | Part XXVII | Part XXVIII | Part XXIX | Part XXX | Part XXXI | Part XXXII | Part XXXIII | Part XXXIV | Part XXXV | Part XXXVI |Part XXXVII | Part XXXVIII | Part XXXIX | Part XXXX | Part XXXXI | Part XXXXII | Part XXXXIII 

This article was originally posted on August 15, 2012 and has been modified.

Sometimes we make a mistake or commit a wrong that other people know about. We may have given up the sin, or it may have been a one-off, but we just wish that we could erase the memory of that mistake from the minds of those other people. Similarly, when we commit a sin only Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), knows about, even when we repent and hope for His forgiveness, we wish we never committed the wrong to begin with. We wish it would just disappear. Allah (swt), who is closer to us than our jugular vein, knows this. And so He has given us way of starting anew, insha’Allah (God willing).

The Last Ten and Pardoning

Subhan’Allah (glory be to God)—the last 10 days of Ramadan have begun. One of these nights will be Laylat al-Qadr (the Night of Power) insha’Allah—a time for intensified reflection, worship and giving. Aisha radi allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her), realizing the magnanimity of this time, asked the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him): “O Messenger of Allah, if I know what night is the night of Qadr, what should I say during it?” He said: “Say:

اللهم إنك عفوتحب العفو فاعف عني

Allahumma innaka `afuwwun, tuhib al-`afwa fa`fu `anny

O Allah, You are the One who pardons, and You love to pardon, so pardon me.” (Bukhari)

Out of all of the things the Prophet ﷺcould have advised, he taught us to ask for ‘afw. ‘Afw is sometimes translated as ‘forgiveness,’ but so is maghfira [i.e. when we say astgahfirullah, I seek forgiveness from God]. Unfortunately, there is something that is lost in translation, because ‘afw is more expansive than maghfira—and here we will see why.

Meaning

One of the meanings ‘afw is the complete removal of something—removing its traces. For example,

هذه أرضٌ عَفْو

“This is a land with no traces on it, i.e. it is untouched.”

So what does this have to do with the du’a (supplication), “O Allah you are ‘afw, and You love al-’afw, so have ‘afw on me”?

When we ask for maghfira, we are asking for Allah(swt) to cover up our sin for us and to protect us from the effects of our sin. We ask Allah (swt) that even though we committed that sin, that He not punish us for it. When we ask for ‘afw, we are asking Allah (swt) to completely erase the sin, such that its traces are also removed. This means that our slate is literally wiped clean—there will be no questioning for those sins on the Day of Judgment insha’Allah. 

The Prophet ﷺteaches us about this difference in two ahadeeth (narrations). In the first hadith, the Prophet ﷺtells us about a person who is questioned by Allah (swt) on the Day of Judgment. Allah tells His servant, “O my servant, do you remember when you did such and such a sin?” and the servant will lower his head in shame, nodding, thinking that surely he will be of the people punished. Then Allah (swt) tells him, “I concealed these sins from people in dunya (world), and I will not shame you here. I have forgiven you (ghafartu lak).” (Ahmad)

That is maghfira.

In the second hadith, the Prophet ﷺis told that 70,000 of his ummah (global community of Muslim believers) will enter jannah (paradise) without reckoning because:

عفا الله عنهم

“Allah has pardoned them.”

And then the Prophet ﷺasks for more, so with every thousand people of those pardoned, Allah will pardon 70,000 more. And Allah is Al-‘Afuww’- He name Himself this to let you know that indeed He is the One that completely erases your sin. He knows everything we do, yet He chooses to wipe our slate clean.

Laylat al-Qadr and ‘afw

Sufyan ath-Thawri said, “During this night [i.e. Laylat al-Qadr] the most beloved thing for me to ask for is what the Prophet ﷺtold us to ask for.”

This is a night of ambition. We don’t simply ask for forgiveness, but for removing even the traces of our sin. We ask for a clean slate. The Prophet ﷺtells us of a person who goes to the Eid prayer after Ramadan and he does not have one sin in his book—it was all pardoned.

When Allah (swt) tells us about ‘afw in the Qur’an, it is usually with something major—as if to tell us, there is no sin too great. It can all be wiped away.

When the Children of Israel worshipped the calf, Allah (swt) tells us:

“And [recall] when We made an appointment with Moses for forty nights. Then you took [for worship] the calf after him, while you were wrongdoers. Then We forgave [pardoned/‘afawna] you after that so perhaps you would be grateful.” (Qur’an 2:51-52)

Allah pardoned, wiped away the greatest sin—the sin of shirk (polytheism). So if you come to Allah (swt) sincerely in these last 10 nights, if you come to the One who loves to pardon, then insha’Allah He will erase that sin you are so worried about, and those many sins for you.

O Allah! You are the One who pardons, and You love to pardon, so pardon us!

—

Source: Lecture by Amr Khaled

The first thing that I noticed in this woman’s presentation was that she never ever said, “I was an alcoholic,” or “I am fully recovered from being an alcoholic.” When asked why, she replied with quite an insightful comment. She said that while she has not had any alcohol for years, she knows that it is not below her to return to that state once again. With this in mind, she is always vigilant and careful not to put herself in a situation that might cause her to return to this same situation. Similarly, when we stop a sin, we must realize that we have stopped this sin by the grace of God and that it is not that we have become “above” that sin. There is always the possibility that we may slip back into that act (or thought or whatever it may be), and we should be vigilant of our actions and the positions we put ourselves in. This also serves another very important purpose: it keeps us humble. When we realize that we could slip back into our previous habits (or even pick up new ones!) then we leave no opportunity for Satan’s tricky whispers of “you are better than her because she is still stuck in that sin you used to do,” or “you are better than him because you don’t sin the same way as him.”

Another important concept that I learned from this lovely woman was the phrase that she sprinkled throughout her talk: “I am only the next 24 hours.” When we are addicted to something, when this thing–no matter how petty it may seem to other people, or repulsive—is something that is important to us or that we simply enjoy doing, it becomes hard to commit to it for a lifetime. In our moments of strength it is easy to think that this is something that we will never allow into our lives ever again. But it becomes hard, in our times of weakness, to say, “No, it doesn’t matter how weak and broken I am right now, I am not going to do this, ever.” In those times of weakness, how do we get ourselves through? How do we get ourselves to not commit this sin that we have worked so hard, through the grace of God, to stay away from? It is by simply committing ourselves to the next 24 hours. Rather than telling ourselves that we only have to make it through the next, say, 75 years without this sin, we push ourselves to remain for simply the next 24 hours without it. By the time the next 24 hours have been reached, hopefully our strength will have been regained, if not then we push ourselves a little further—24 more hours. And that is how we will make it through. Little by little, bit by bit.

To me, these two points were paradigm shifting. They were enough to get me on the road to spiritual recovery. But this was not the extent to which the Alcoholics Anonymous experience aspired. Alcoholics Anonymous has a twelve step program to joining the road to recovery from alcoholism which again, with some slight modifications/explanations, actually fits our prophetic tradition and may be a helpful rubric to help us stop sin.

12 Steps to Spiritual Recovery (as I have adapted them from AA’s 12 steps)

1- ADMIT: We need to admit that we are powerless over our sins—that our lives have become unmanageable (in one way or another).

It is important to admit this to ourselves and to God. It is important to realize that we are powerless over our sin initially. That we are weak and that we have allowed ourselves to fall into something that we should not have. If we don’t admit this, if we continue to tell ourselves that we will be able to stop whatever sin we are doing ‘one day’ or ‘someday,’ then that day may never come. The first step: admit there is a problem.

2- BELIEVE: We need to believe that only God can restore us to sanity, in this and all other aspects.

Yes we are weak; yes we have been defeated in at least some ways through our persistence of sin. Once we have admitted this, in the first step, if we are to stop there then we will find ourselves defeated and nowhere near empowered. But of course, that is NOT what we want, nor how we were created to live at all. Islam is empowering. And we are empowered through the fact that God, the All-Powerful, is our supporter and He can restore our lives and heal our lives.

3- DECIDE: We need to make the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.

In step two we admitted to ourselves that it is only God who can restore us, so naturally we must now make the conscious decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. It is not enough to simply know something, we must actually embody it. It is at this point that we need to admit our weakness to God, ask him to strengthen us, and to lift us up above this sin so that it is no longer a part of our lives.

4- TAKE INVENTORY: We need to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

We need to gain self-awareness of what kind of moral decisions we are making in our lives. We need to be honest with ourselves and stop making excuses for ourselves. Admitting to the details of our moral slipping does not mean we are admitting to being horrific beings that can never be restored, rather it is admitting to our humanness. It is vitally important to admit to our humanness so that we can appreciate the Oneness of God which will take us leaps and bounds closer to Him and His grace.

5- ADMIT (again): We need to admit to God and to ourselves the exact nature of our wrongs.

This is just the continuation of step four. We need to be honest with ourselves about the wrongs we have committed. We need to admit them to God. Now it is important to know that God already knows the full nature of our sins, more than we do ourselves, however it is important to make this step and admit our brokenness in front of God. While doing this remember that God has told us that He is with the broken-hearted. He will not turn us away because we are admitting our wrongs to Him.

6- BE READY: We need to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

If we are only admitting our faults but do not have an actual desire to have these faults and flaws removed from our lives, then we are closing our hearts to the healing of God. If, however, we find ourselves not able to wish that these faults are taken away, the solution is simple: Ask God to grant you that wish. God is there for us, always. We need to ask Him for help along the way through every details, and He has the ultimate control over our feelings and has promised that if we call to Him, He will answer.

7- ASK: We need to ask Him, humbly, to remove our shortcomings.

Through step 6 we became ready for these shortcomings to be removed, so now we need to ask Him genuinely and humbly. Even though we know that He knows that we want these defects removed, we still need to ask clearly. God loves it when we ask of Him. Another bonus here is that du`a’ (supplications) is a form of worship, so even in your asking Him you are, insha’Allah (God willing), being rewarded for the process.

8- MAKE A LIST: We need to make a list of the people we have harmed and we need to become willing to make amends to them.

This step is extremely important. We need to realize that God will forgive us for the wrongs we committed against Him and ourselves, but not those that we have committed against others. The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) showed this in one of the conversations he had with his believed companions. He asked “Do you know who is poor?” the Companions responded with the typical answer you may expect: “A poor man amongst us is on who has neither dirham nor wealth.” The Prophet ﷺ  had not been concerned with the worldly meaning of this word, so he clarified to the companions who the real poor person is: “The poor of my Ummah (Muslim community) would be he who would come on the Day of Judgment with prayers and fasts and zakat (charity) but since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of the [one who suffered at his hand]. And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in [his account] and he would be thrown in the Hell-fire.”

9- MAKE AMENDS: We need to make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them, or others.

Now that we realize the importance of making amends and we have a list of people whom we have harmed, we need to seek their forgiveness before it is too late. If it is a situation where addressing the person would hurt them even more or hurt others in the process, make du`a’ that God places forgiveness in their heart for you and do your best to make it up to that person without addressing the situation itself. Also, increase your good deeds that you do with this same intention.

10- REPEAT: We need to continue to take personal inventory, and when we are wrong, we need to promptly admit it.

Basically, this step is about admitting that we are human and that there is no way that we will never commit an injustice. The key is to continue to take moral inventory of ourselves and how we are dealing with our environments. Once we commit a wrong we should be prompt to admit our wrong and proceed to make amends, to God or to people (if we harm a person in any way).

11- SEEK HIM: We need to continuously seek, through prayer/remembrance/du`a’, to improve our contact with God, and to pray for knowledge of His will for us and for Him to grant us the power to carry that out.

A key point is that if we do not replace the emptiness that we may begin to feel from the sin that we are leaving with something beneficial, we will either fall back into our sin or fall into a new sin all together. We need to strengthen our tie to God through prayers, remembering Him constantly, and through du`a’. As long as we continue to seek Him, He will continue to pull us closer to Him, making our problems so much smaller in light of His Grace.

12- HELP OTHERS: Last, but not least, we need to try to help others around us to work through their struggles and to continue to try to implement these principles in all of our affairs.

We were placed on this earth as a community. Once we have been able to take on any of these steps, we should try to help anyone around us who is also struggling. This entails dealing with them with great mercy and kindness, and helping one another. This is where having a strong group of supporters around us will come in handy. We all have weaknesses, no matter how amazing we are, so be the support of people around us and allow people around us to support us through your struggles as well. Realize that in our efforts to help others, we are really only helping ourselves, as the Prophet ﷺ has told us: “He who relieves the hardship of a believer in this world, Allah will relieve his hardship on the Day of Judgment. He who makes easy what is difficult, Allah will make it easy for him in the world and the Hereafter. He who conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults in the world and the Hereafter, for Allah helps the servant so long as he helps his brother.” [Muslim]

It may seem strange that I am deriving things from a group that helps alcoholics and seems to have no ties to our religion, but it is also important to remember that “wisdom is the lost property of the believer, so wherever he finds it then he has a right to it.” Know that it is not easy to leave something that we have become attached to, but the reward is in the struggle. Even if we find that we begin to make progress and then continuously slip back into our old ways, one thing we must never do is to give up. We were never asked to be perfect, as this is not in the nature of human beings. We have been asked to strive. And we can find comfort in the words of the Prophet ﷺ, “Every son of Adam is a sinner and the best of sinners are those who repent.”

There are four main states that we may find ourselves in:

1. The State of Blessing.
2. The State of Hardship.
3. The State of Sin.
4. The State of Obedience.

These four states are not completely separate from one another; a person may be going through more than one at the same time. For each one of these states, there is a specific form of worship mandated.

The State of Blessing

In the state of ni`am, or blessing, the believers should respond with shukr. Shukr is often times translated as “gratitude,” however it encompasses more than just that. There are three parts to shukr and if one of these parts is not present, the shukr is not complete. The blessing must be reflected in:

1. Your heart

Strive to be pleased internally with what Allah has bestowed upon you. Never think, “I deserve this,” or, “I earned this myself.

2. Your limbs

Be sure not to commit any haraam (unlawful act) with the blessing that Allah (swt) has bestowed upon you. This is the epitome of ungratefulness.

3. Your tongue

Thank Allah (swt) verbally and be sure to not boast about what has been bestowed upon you.

We must also remember that if you are thankful during times of ease and blessings, Allah (swt) will increase those blessings. On the other hand, if you are ungrateful, the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon you will decrease and eventually disappear.

The State of Hardship

In the state of Al-Balaa’, or hardship, the believer should respond with sabr. Sabr is to have patience and ridda (acceptance) of the state in which you have been placed. You do not have to be pleased with your current situation, but you should acknowledge that the All-Knowing, the All-Seeing, has allowed you to be in this state so it must be for the best. During this time you should also increase acts of worship and obedience to Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala.

The State of Sin

Being human, we will all be in states of sin at one point or another. Our beloved Messenger ﷺ said, “Every son of Adam is a sinner, and the best of sinners is the one who seeks forgiveness.” From the words of Rasulullah ﷺ we see that when we are in the state of sin, we should react to this by doing istighfaar, or seeking forgiveness. It is not enough to simply mutter an “I’m sorry, God” and return to our daily routine, rather there are parts to istighfaar and if one of them is not there, the istighfaar is not complete. The istighfaar must encompass:

1. Renouncing the sin.
2. Firm intention to never return to the sin.
3. Regret for having committed the sin.
4. If the sin was against the rights of another human being: compensation for that wrong doing.

The State of Obedience

In the state of obedience (I pray that this is our most frequent state) the believer should respond by striving to maintain ikhlaas (sincerity) while acting, as well as responding with shukr.  Any action, if done for the wrong intention, will not be accepted. We learn this from the first hadeeth (report of the words or actions of the Prophet ﷺ) in Imam An-Nawawi’s collection of forty hadeeth:

“Actions are (judged) by motives (niyyah), so each man will have what he intended. Thus, he whose migration (hijrah) was to Allah and His Messenger, his migration is to Allah and His Messenger; but he whose migration was for some worldly thing he might gain, or for a wife he might marry, his migration is to that for which he migrated.”

Shaytaan (the devil) often times, finding us in an obedient state, will use his whispers to cause us to be arrogant. Arrogance is one of the most tempting, yet destructive sins that one can fall into. Remember that the sin that shaytaan committed was a sin of arrogance and he is now destined to eternal destruction. A way to combat these whispers is to display shukr. Remember that Allah (swt) is the one who allowed you to be obedient. Any good that you do should be attributed to the blessing of Allah (swt) upon you, not the righteousness of your own soul. And the more you thank Him for allowing you to be obedient, the more He will bestow upon you the means to be obedient.

I ask Allah to cause us to be of those who respond in the appropriate manner no matter what state we are in.

It is reported that in some of the revealed books of old, Allah the Exalted says, “O My servant, for how long will you continue in your sins, while I nourish you with My provision and treat you with honor?  Haven’t I shaped you with My own hands?  Haven’t I breathed into you from My own spirit?  Don’t you know what I do for those who lovingly obey Me, and how I punish those who do not?  Don’t you feel shame that you only remember Me in times of difficulty, and in times of ease forget Me?  The eye of your heart has been blinded by your desires.  How then can you see Me?”

You disobey the Divine, yet claim love for Him –
This is impossible, illogical reasoning.
If your love were true, you would certainly obey
For the lover to the Beloved is ever obedient.

My dear brother [or sister], turn yourself to the qiblah of attention to your Master, and turn away from persistence in your transgressions and lowly desires.  Spend the rest of your life in the work of obedience.  Be steadfast in forsaking the immediate gratification of your desires.   Flee from wrongdoing and the heavy burden of sin, O you who will be responsible for your deeds.  Bearing with the temptations of this life is much easier than patiently withstanding the punishment of Hellfire.

My Lord, certainly, I am a weak slave
Who has come before You seeking that which You have to give.
I come before You complaining of the affliction of my sins,
For can one complain of grief to anyone but You?
Gift me with Your Pardon, my Benevolent Master
For my reliance is on none but You.

O you imprisoned by this life, slave to your own desires, affixed permanently in wrong doing, accumulating naught but a heavy loss – contemplate what your hands have sent forward in deeds, and be fearful of your Lord and Master.  Be fearful that your missteps and misdeeds have barred you from His door, distanced you from His proximity, and prevented you from the companionship of His loved ones, and left you only in disappointment.

Do you really understand what you have done?  You have exchanged what is closest to you for something distant and obscure, your sensibility for inordinate passions, and your religion for the lowly life of this world.

A tradition from the Prophet ﷺ states that Allah the Exalted revealed to the Prophet Dawud, “O Dawud, give glad tidings to the sinners and give warning to the righteous.” He replied, “My Lord, how is it that I should give glad tidings to the guilty, and warn those who do good?”  Allah the Exalted said, “Give glad tidings to the sinner that no sin is too grave for Me to forgive; and warn the righteous against admiring their own work [which leads to ostentation]—for I do not hold someone strictly to account for their deeds, except that they are destroyed.  O Dawud, if you claim to love Me, then remove the love of this world from your heart, for love for Me and love for it cannot be combined in one heart.  O Dawud, whoever has love for Me stands in worship at night while the idle are sleeping, and remembers Me in solitude while others are heedless, and is thankful for My blessings while others are neglectful.”

He ﷺ stated, “Allah does not remove a person from sin except that He wants to forgive him; and He does not incline a person towards a righteous action, except that He wants to accept it from Him.”¹

The Prophet ﷺ taught that “when those who have repented leave their graves, the pleasant scent of musk will emanate from them.  They will approach a table spread in Paradise and eat from it, sitting in the comforting shade of the Divine Throne, while the rest of the people will have yet to pass the calling to account.” ²

And he ﷺ said, “One teardrop that falls from the eye of a believer out of love and fear for Him is better than this world and everything it contains.”³

Allah says, “How often it is that you disobey Me, and how often I conceal your deeds and I do not expose you.  How often you break the door of My commandments, and yet I continue to repair it and overlook it.  How often I seek heartfelt tears from you, borne out of fear and awe, and yet, your eyes remain dry.  How often I seek you to connect with Me through obedience, yet you turn away and distance yourself.  How many blessings have I bestowed upon you, and you have yet to be thankful.”

This world and the acts of your desires have deceived you.  You do not see and you do not hear.  I have made subject to you the universe, and you continue in belligerence and is obedience, stubbornly requesting residence in a world that was meant only as a bridge to be crossed…

He has deprived you from tasting Divine love and purification
When he saw you persistent in treachery and harshness.
If you let go of the reigns that are keeping you from Him
He will be generous with you from His compassionate nature.
Exalted is He above doing you any injustice-
He has promised deliverance to those who deliver themselves.

What is this slumber when you are fully alert? What is this confusion when you can see things clearly before you?  Why such heedlessness when you are fully aware?  Why this drunken stupor when you are in the sobriety of reality?  This stillness when you are being called?  And this stubborn residency when you are departing?  Is it not time for those who are sleeping to wake up?  Is it not time for the heedless to take heed?

Know that everyone in this world is on a journey, so work to deliver yourself on the Day of Resurrection from the Blaze.

My Lord, if I have drowned in my own sins,
I ask for Your pardon, Most Generous Lord
By the depth of my poverty and my utter need
For You, my Lord, in times of distress.
I ask You by my weakness, inability, and indigence,
I ask You by what Your Books have guaranteed –
I ask you by Your infinite Mercy.
—

Selections from Bahr ad-Dumū’ (Ocean of Tears) by Imam Ibn al-Jawzī (jazak Allahu khayran to Shaykh Mokhtar Maghroui, who contributed to the translation.)