A myriad of matters put weight on your mind. It heaves under the sheer pressure of it. Thoughts, actions, endless precipitant emotions all occupy this undefined space and define your outlook on life. It could be anything and everything: doubts, missed prayers, a glance, a stolen conversation, an act of pride, that shopping spree in which you redefined the word ‘shopaholic’ – the list is near infinite.

We travel through each day lugging all this emotional and mental baggage, and our life is spent in a perpetual state of “What if I had done it differently?”

It’s not meant to be like this.

What’s done is done. It is time to move on.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not propagating a carefree existence in which we shovel obliviousness into every recess of our mistakes, effectively burying them under a bed of thorn-less roses and skipping off into an ideal sunset.

What I mean is what the Messenger of Allah ﷺ (peace be upon him) taught us:

“Seek help from Allah, the Most High, and do not lose heart, and if anything (in the form of trouble) comes to you, don’t say: If I had not done that, it would not have happened so and so, but say:

Allah did that what He had ordained to do and you saying “if” opens the (gate) for the Shaytaan.” (Muslim, Book 33: Destiny, Number: 6441)

By moving on, what I mean is that don’t waste your life away in grim contemplation and exhaustion of a million different outcomes of what could have happened.

I understand you. I really do. I am only writing this because I can relate to it. And I am in no way free from the shackles of “what if” any more than you are.

This “what if” – two measly little words – can sow the seeds of doubt, give root to misery and blossom into something that Shaytaan would be proud of displaying in his prize plot of Muslim-downers. First it’s the “what if?”, then it’s the feelings of doubtful evaluation, then the grief, then you feel like slapping yourself and it goes on and on. You find yourself stuck in quicksand and you don’t know how to get out.

It is time for us to sever the root to this problem.

So, what should we do?

Firstly, keep in mind that nothing comes to pass except by the Decree of Allah, the Most Kind. If it happened, then it happened. Nothing could have averted it, nothing could have changed it, and that “anything other” never had a chance to begin with. It came to pass and happen it did. Accept it.

Secondly, know that Allah loves you. More than what the mind can comprehend and what the heart can ponder upon. I mean: this is my Lord and your Lord who has promised us that He will reward us for even the prick of a thorn! Do you think that Allah will not reward you if you persevere in patience?

It happened because He, out of His infinite Wisdom, wanted it to happen. He, the Best of Planners, wanted us to learn something from it – even if we didn’t gain something material at the end of it.

Experience is the best teacher and emotional upheaval is the best landmark to warn us of an impending danger. There is no harm in remembering what you did as long as you now see it as a light to guide you away from the previous mistakes, and not a grim mist to cloud your thoughts and sink you into depression. If your cause of regret is about a sin that you committed then repent and be happy on account of your regret because regret is a form of repentance itself and remember what `Abdullah ibn Mas`ud (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

“The believer sees his sins as if he is sitting at the foot of a mountain fearing that it might fall on him, while the sinner sees his sins as a fly that lands on his nose – he just waves it away.” (Bukhari)

So learn a lesson from what you did because Allah, the Most Kind, is teaching you something.

Thirdly, make sure that you do not repeat what caused your grief. This may seem obvious but Shaytaan has known mankind for millions of years and he knows a billion different ways to make you follow the same plot again. So seek help in Allah, be patient and Allah will turn your grief into happiness.

Whenever you feel down, always remember that Allah says:

“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him – He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.” (Qur’an, 65:2-3)

“…Allah does not wish to impose hardship upon you. Rather, He wishes to purify you; and to complete His blessings upon you; and in order that you may be thankful.” (Qur’an, 5:6)

Thank Allah for giving you the ability to realise you did something wrong. Thank Him for still preserving your faith. Ask Him to help you and guide you. Step on your grief and use it as a launch-pad to propel you to a threshold of servitude towards Allah. And keep strong by reminding yourself of what our beloved Messenger ﷺ taught us from what Allah had taught him:

“No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.”  (Bukhari Vol 7, Book 70, Number: 545)

“Leave your country in search of loftiness and travel! For in travel there are five benefits: Relief of adversity, earning of livelihood, knowledge, etiquettes, and noble companionship.” – Imam As-Shafi

I was born and raised in a small suburb of Houston, Texas called Sugar Land, where I spent the first nineteen years of my life. In September 2009, immediately after high school, my younger brother and I left for Medical School to a relatively remote island in the West Indies called St. Kitts. Now, after almost two years, as my last semester comes to an end and these bittersweet feelings run through my head, I can’t help but reflect on a realization I’ve come to.

Moving out of a home and land that you dwelled in for the first nineteen years of your life, and into a land that is completely unknown, can, and will, change a person. As human beings, we get so comfortable in these little niches that we form, and get so accustomed to the way things are, that we begin to abhor the concept of change. We can’t tolerate the harsh truth that we are going to have to “start all over”; a new home, new friends, and new memories.

However, after initial hesitation — and often, active resistance — we begin to inescapably move on. It’s funny though, and even a little scary, how quickly we get so comfortable with our new lives in our new homes, and with our new friends in our new communities, and we begin to realize that all the things we had once longed for and were afraid to lose, were awfully temporary.

We begin to understand the ephemeral nature of pain, sorrow, happiness, and pleasure, and, on a larger scale, of life itself. I lived in my city with my parents and my siblings in a house of nine. I formed, what I thought to be, everlasting bonds. I knew the land as if it were my own, and felt proud to call myself a Texan. But now, as poignant as it is, I’m happy here in St. Kitts. I began to realize, very early on, that the sadness I felt when I was leaving home was transient. I began to realize that all the material possessions I had amassed and thought I couldn’t live without were impermanent. And I began to realize that all these people I called my friends and my foes, were short-lived.

I couldn’t help but think to myself that perhaps Allah subhanahu wa ta`la (exalted is He) plans out these brief phases in our lives, so that He may paint for us a bigger picture. So He may elucidate to us a truth: that just like all these brief phases, emotions, and acquaintances come and go, so too we came, and so too we will go. So that He may show us that we are on a train on which one ticket stub has been torn off in the womb, another when we came into this world, but the third and final stub awaits until we enter either paradise or the fire of hell, may Allah swt protect us all. Maybe Allah swt wanted to make us realize that we have no real reason to be sad, or that we cannot hope to find pure happiness in things belonging to this world because eventually, inevitably, “everything will perish” (Qur’an, 55:26).

“Oh men who take pleasure in this world, falling in love with a fading shadow is pure stupidity”. – `Ali radi Allahu ‘anhu (may Allah be pleased with him).

It is high time that we stop putting our ultimate and deepest trust, happiness, and love in people, places, and objects, because we will be disappointed. These friends that we once confided in, and thought we couldn’t live without, will be replaced as we move from place to place, and our families will eventually pass. We are eventually going to have to move out of these homes in which we spend our whole lives, cultivate attachments and resentments, and create everlasting memories. It’s time we get a grasp on the truer reality, and realize that the only things that are permanent are those things that are connected to Allah swt.

When you trust in Allah, and place all your affairs in His hands, you will never be let down. When you truly understand the meaning of “Allah is closer to you than your jugular vein” (Qur’an, 50:16), and form a pure and true relationship with Him, you come to know that it’s an everlasting and mutual relationship. When you find your truest happiness and tranquility with Allah, you will realize it’s permanent. For “only in the remembrance of Allah will man find true comfort, tranquility, and peace” (Qur’an, 13:28). It is then, and only then, that we will be able to truly please Allah swt, and enter into our permanent home. For “that is the ultimate, supreme achievement” (Qur’an, 4:13).

“What is this world but a dream that a sleeper sees – he delights in it for a few moments, and then wakes up to face reality”. – Hasan Al-Basri