SubhanAllah

I can’t help but reflect on how we’d all wish to have the perfect family: every member of the family being God-conscious, parents fulfilling the rights of their children and vice-versa, harmony between siblings, a marriage with very few conflicts and loads of happy moments, and delightfully obedient children. Indeed, I doubt that such a family exists on this planet, yet it cannot be denied that there are some families whose happiness radiates wherever they may be; they have strong connections of love and affection. May Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – exalted is He) preserve such families. The truth is, however, that most of us have conflict and strife within our families; with our parents, siblings, cousins, spouses, children, in-laws, etc. Some of this conflict is minor, while some of it has left stains of trauma and wreaked havoc in the lives of so many. Where I find stability and contentment, however, is in the realization of three important things:

1. Every family has their issues.
2. Pure happiness and contentment with one another is reserved for Paradise, and not the life of this world.
3. Even within our own Islamic tradition, we find countless examples of great people who dealt with tons of stuff.

Consider the following examples:

Parent Issues

• Ibrahim (Abraham) (`alayhi assalam – peace be upon him), the great man that he was, was threatened by his own father when he preached to him the message of Islam. Not only did his community deny him, but his own father did too. Imagine the pain.

Sibling/Child Issues

• Qabil (Cain) grew jealous of his brother Habil (Abel) and eventually slew him. These were the first sons of our common ancestor, Adam (as). Imagine the turmoil of murder within a family, and the loss of a child for Adam and Hawa (Eve).
• The brothers of Yusuf (Joseph) (as) conspired to get rid of him completely. For years, his father Ya’qoob (Jacob) grieved the loss of his son, and upon his eventual return, Yusuf’s brothers were filled with regret for what they had done. Imagine a grief that causes you blindness, as it did to Ya’qoob (as). Not only that, but Yusuf (as) was from a line of prophets (Yusuf son of Ya’qoob son of Ishaaq son of Ibrahim (as)) and was still not immune to such a trial.
• Musa (Moses) (as) was furious at his brother Haroon (Aaron) (as) when he returned to find the Children of Israel worshiping a calf. He even dragged him by his head as mentioned in Surat Al-A`raf!
• In Surat Al Kahf, we learn from the story of Musa (as) with Al-Khidr, who was divinely inspired to take the life of a child because that child may have been a fitnah (trial) to the righteous parents. Clearly, their righteousness didn’t lead them to a simple perfect family life; they suffered the hardest trial they could experience as parents and as a couple— the loss of their child.

Spousal Issues

• Both Ibrahim (as) and his wife Sara, along with Zakariyya (as) and his wife had trouble conceiving a child. As well, Aasiya the wife of the greatest tyrant Fir’awn (Pharaoh) brought Musa (as) into her home after not being able to have her own child.
• Maryam (Mary) (as) brought Isa (Jesus) (as) into this world alone and with no communal and spousal support. Imagine how we treat such mothers today.
• Both Lut (Lot) (as) and Nuh (Noah) (as) were betrayed and left unsupported by their wives. They were prophets and still, they had issues in their marriages.
• Aasiya was severely abused and persecuted by her own husband for merely proclaiming her belief in God (as).

Our Greatest Example

• The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) lost his beloved uncle Abu Taalib before he accepted Islam.
• He lost many of his children as infants, children and adults.
• He lost his dearly beloved wife, Khadijah, and mourned her death deeply.

These are just a tiny fraction of the examples of family stuff that we can draw from our own Islamic tradition. Indeed, what is even more incredible is that those mentioned above were far more pious and sincere to Allah (swt) than we could ever be, despite their hardships.

Notice that their piety did not mean a life of ease and perfection – no! Instead they were tried with things that today, might bring you and me to our knees. Because Allah (swt) tells us that He does not burden a soul with more than they can bear. By testing them with such trials, the Almighty knew that they were capable of coming out purified and forgiven for their sins, inshaAllah (God-Willing).

Now, what about you and me?

I say, family issues are inevitable. Don’t look to the lives of others to escape your own problems – realize that Allah (swt) has placed you in the circumstance you are in because He (swt), in His supreme knowledge, knows you can handle it.

For me, I’ve come to see family strife as bound to occur. Although not easy in the least, my main concern has been managing it as gracefully as I can when it does happen. Our spiritual growth and purification is tied to the moments we want to talk back but don’t, or have been betrayed by a family member and don’t seek revenge. It’s certainly not easy, especially when we have depictions of the perfect family life crossing our sights at every moment. From television, advertisements, social media and other forms of media, we are inundated with false realities of perfect, happy families.

The truth is, we all deal with stuff. The greatest individuals who came before us did

and we certainly are not immune. The key then is, how do you deal with your stuff? With grace, or harshness? With acceptance or bitterness? With resolve or chaos? Consider the following verse:

“Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe,” and they will not be tried?” (Qur’an, 29:2)

The choice is ours – let’s figure this stuff out.

And Allah (swt) knows best.

Author’s Note: Please share your experiences/thoughts below, and any further examples we can derive inspiration from.

By Dua Aldasouqi

Have you ever
had your heart broken,
chest opened
reached in
pulled out
squeezed
until you bleed?

Have you ever
cried for a lost one?
Mother, brother, daughter, son,
tummy in a knot
and all you want to do is run?

Have you ever
struggled with the news?
Murder, massacre,
guns and demolition crews.
It’s like a game,
which tragedy do you choose?
Which tyrant
do you root for to lose?
Can you just turn off
or at least snooze?
Because you just.can’t.even.

So you, turn to a friend:
mentor, teacher, or anyone else
Because you feel absolutely hopeless

You ask them: What should I do?
And they say, make du’a’ ((supplication)) , you know pray
So you’re like, yeah yeah
But, no, what should I do or say?
You brush it off your shoulder cuff
Like du’a’ just, isn’t enough

You move on, not
recognizing what you’ve done
That you’ve left behind
The truly capable One

You forget – that Yahya ((`alayhi as-salaam—peace be upon him))
was the answer
to his father’s
constant prayer

You forget – that Yunes ((`alayhi as-salaam))
chose prayer
Over despair
inside the whale

You forget – that Ayoub’s ((`alayhi as-salaam))
affliction
was removed
through du`a’

You forget – that Badr
was nothing short of
intervention
from the heavens

You forget—that power
lies with Him alone
That strength comes
through His will

That He is the
Sustainer, the Maintainer,
the Provider, the Protector,
the Just, the Judge

You forget – that He is
the only capable One

Sheikh Jamaal Diwan’s timely khutba commenting on the verse of the Qur’an, “And We test you with evil and with good as trial; and to Us you will be returned.”

How do we perceive the tests of this life?

Sermon starts at 32:05.

For the believer, Istiqaamah is a virtue that cannot be done without. It’s a quality that we continually strive to attain although we may fail at times. In this age where fitaan (tribulations) have become widespread and open sins are the norm, many people have lost the istiqaamah they once had in them – the strength to stay upon the straight path.

Imam Suhaib shared some tips with us on how to have istiqaamah:

1) Have a strong relationship with Allah: The best way is with His Wahi (revelation), the Qur’an. Ibn Taymiyyah said, “If you want to taste the sweetness of emaan, then upon you is the Book of Allah.”

2) Have a strong relationship in worshipping Allah: The da’ee (one who calls people to Allah) needs to pray his sunnah and he better be praying witr. The pious predecessors used to say, “be hard on yourself and be easy on the people.” We should strive to increase in our worship and perform the nawafil acts to come closer to Allah.

3) Have good friends that will support you: Befriend those that motivate you and are not negative. The scholars say it is not nifaaq (hypocritical) if a person’s Islam and emaan are better when they are around righteous friends because this is part of the sunnah of our deen. Allah says: “And keep yourself patiently with those who call on their Lord morning and afternoon, seeking His Face; and let not your eyes overlook them.” (Quran, 18:28)

4) Choose a good spouse who will make istiqaamah your focus and remind you: The Prophet ﷺ gave us the example of the wife who would sprinkle water on her husband’s face to wake him up for tahajjud (prayer before fajr) and likewise the husband who would do the same to his wife.

5) Read the stories of the pious people. Read the seerah of the Prophet ﷺ, of the Companions, of those who followed them and the righteous people. You will see that your struggles compared to theirs are nothing. You see that Allah gave them strength, and reading that will give you strength.

6) Work in a group: Don’t be a solo artist. Shaytan will always try to get you to leave the community, but he will never get you to join one.

Based off of a discussion on the 21^th Hadith of An-Nawawi’s compilation of forty ahadith.