I once dropped by the MSA at the University of Tulsa and heard a very disturbing story. A man from the area had left Islam and had recently given a talk at a local church about his apostasy. He claimed that there was no love in Islam. He felt that the Islamic way of life is filled with hate, harshness and rigidity. I plan to touch on how this apostate and others like him are dead wrong. It is obvious to any common practicing Muslim that they have very little knowledge of the Qur’an and Sunnah (ways of the Prophet ﷺ, peace be upon him). Before making such a judgment, they should have based their decision based upon the scripture. The truth is that a problem common to all apostates I’ve heard of is blaming Islam for the actions of people who happened to be called Muslim, yet aren’t necessarily practicing Islam correctly.

When talking about love in Islam let’s see what the Holy Qur’an says about it. First of all I would like to note two definitions of love found in the American Heritage Dictionary:

8a. God’s benevolence and Mercy toward man.

8b. Man’s devotion to or adoration of God.

These two definitions precisely describe the Islamic concept of the relation between God and man.

When reading the Qur’an, anyone can easily recognize the emphasis put on God’s love, compassion, graciousness, mercy and forgiveness. As a matter of fact, all chapters of the Qur’an except one begin with the phrase “in the name of God” who is described as Al-Rahman (the Benevolent) and Al-Raheem (the Merciful). This verse is often translated as “in the Name of God, the Benevolent and Merciful.”  This fits the exact meaning of the definition for the love of God found in the English dictionary. These two descriptions are the most commonly used words by which Allah describes Himself in the Qur’an. These characteristics of Allah refer to His countless blessings, bounties and forgiveness He has bestowed upon us without us deserving anything. He does all of that even though we constantly break His commandments.

Similarly, when we look at the Arabic word muslim, we find that it is a person who is devoted to Allah, submitting to His will. This is exactly what the English dictionary has to say about the meaning of a person’s love for God.

Life is all about a test of realization and action. We are drawn to a realization of God’s love for us and leading a life of gratitude, which reflects our deep adoration and devotion to God. We do this hoping that our beloved Creator will be pleased with us and yearning to be with Him for eternity in the bliss of the hereafter. This well-known concept of the purpose of life according to Islam perfectly reflects the meaning of the man’s love for God.

Islam enjoins the general concept of love among mankind as well. This is first and foremost done by promoting the love of God amongst our fellow man. This is manifested through our practice of the concept of “rahmah” which can be translated as love, mercy, compassion or forgiveness. The Prophet ﷺ told his companions, as narrated authentically in al-Targheeb (3/210):

لن تؤمنوا حتى ترحموا قالو يا رسول الله كلنا رحيم قال إنه ليس بر حمة أحدكم صاحبه و لكنه رحمة العامة

“You don’t truly believe until you have rahmah for others.” His companions responded, “We all have rahmah.” The Prophet ﷺ then told them, “Verily, you don’t reach this level of faith by just having rahmah for those who are close to you, but you must have rahmah for everyone.”

In fact this was the sum of why Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) sent the Prophet ﷺ. He says in verse 107 of al-Anbiyaa in the Qur’an,

And We have not sent you, [O Muhammad], except as a mercy to the worlds. (21:107)

In this category of general love for everything, we have another very important type of love. This is the love between a husband and wife. So before continuing about this love and how it manifests itself between married couples, let’s talk about how one gets married according to Islam.

Finding a spouse in Islam is quite easy. It is actually much easier than in common western culture. Islam forbids anything that can possibly lead to fornication. First, let’s ponder over verse 32 of Surah al-Israa in the Qur’an,

 This verse means “Don’t even come close to fornicating.” (17:32)

As a result of this, it is prohibited to be alone with, flirt or touch someone from the opposite sex who isn’t your spouse or immediate family. The only mixed gender interactions should be accompanied by lowering the gaze, hijab, only speaking about a necessity like buying something, asking directions, discussing religious matters, etc… So you can see why Islam prohibits the modern concept of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. This solves so many social problems prevalent in societies that don’t observe this seemingly strict code of mixed gender mingling. Many who were raised here in the West have many reactions to these rules, the most common of which is, “So how are we supposed to find a spouse?”

Back in the time of the Prophet ﷺ and even until today in some cultures, parents arranged marriage through their relationships with other families they knew well. Best case scenario is that they might allow them to see each other once or show a picture, but then the parents would completely make the decision of compatibility as well as of the marriage itself. Believe it or not, in the old days this would work the vast majority of the time for reasons which I will mention later.

Nowadays, people have become more critical and have an individualist, opinionated outlook, and women have taken a stronger role in society. For this reason, it would be wise for parents not to force their children to marry someone without their full approval and acceptance. This advice is based upon firsthand knowledge of many arranged marriages which obviously were not arranged based upon compatibility and/or went sour.

It should be that the family and friends of a Muslim bachelor or bachelorette are those who are actually looking for a suitable spouse for him or her. If Allah’s will was that a Muslim bachelor meets, or personally knows of someone whom he or she is interested, then he should immediately go to her family about it, preferably the father. Parents should allow their child to have some chaperoned meetings with someone in whom they are initially interested. These meetings should be strictly about learning about each other’s personality and expectations in their spouse. If after a few of these meetings they don’t feel compatible then they should break off all communication in that regard and go back to being a regular Muslim brother and sister. If after praying for Allah’s guidance (istikharah) they feel close and compatible, then it is best to get married as soon as possible. There may be a small period of engagement, but even if they are culturally engaged that does not change the fact that in Islam there is no change in their relationship. It is just an inclination to marry down the road which either party can break free from at any time.

The basic difference between an Islamic marriage and a western marriage is that in the West a couple generally meets without any help from the family. Their meeting is usually a result of a man’s attraction and a woman’s being flattered and enjoying his charming company. Then they proceed as a married couple—sometimes for many years—until they decide that they want to live the rest of their life with each other. Then they get married. They feel like they were already in love for some time. So they live together after getting married and they get sick of each other and get a divorce for one reason or another. In Islam, the marriage is protected by the divine legislation of God. The first factor in this preservation is that the marriage—if done correctly—is first formed through real compatibility and not physical desires which can often get a man to act in whatever way will get him what he wants and by the girl being flattered and charmed by his fake façade—or as we say in modern terminology, “his game.”

Once a Muslim couple is officially married, they understand that even with compatibility they must work for the rest of their lives to preserve love, compassion, understanding, respect and forgiveness between them. They have entered into a covenant with Allah (swt) that carries rights and responsibilities towards each other. The basic foundation of that bond is found in the Holy Qur’an in verse 21 of Surah al-Rum,

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21)

That said, we are now coming close to the time in which most Westerners celebrate Valentine’s Day. There is much mystery and folklore as to where this holiday came from, but the general story is that it was originally a pagan holiday. After the Roman Empire embraced Christianity, it was later named after a Catholic saint named Valentine.  Folklore suggests that in the 3^rd century C.E., the Roman Emperor Claudius II banned young healthy men from marriage. In defense of the divine union of marriage, St. Valentine allegedly protested this by secretly holding marriage ceremonies. He later was martyred on February 14^th, thus marking the date.

Today this holiday has no religious affiliation and is common to both religious folk and atheists. It is a day on which couples exchange cards, candy, chocolate, flowers and even jewelry as a token of their love.  This is also a day where many premarital relationships happen or are forged.

So the question many Muslims have is, “What is the ruling on taking part in any of the traditional practices of this holiday?”

The vast majority of scholars hold it to be prohibited to buy, sell or take part in anything that is related to this holiday. They base this ruling on a few reasons:

1. They see it lead to social problems in the Muslim world, especially the recent skyrocket in dating and romantic premarital relationships.
2. It is a day on which a lot of fornication happens and even small children are encouraged to start engaging in premarital relationships.
3. It is imitating the disbelievers in their religious practices. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.”
4. It is rooted in the religious practices of non-Muslims so it is an innovation which must be rejected.
5. It is a holiday and all holidays except the two `Eids are innovations, religious or not.

A handful of other scholars don’t feel that there is any conclusive evidence that prohibits Muslim married couples from taking this opportunity to recognize and commend their love for each other and do something special together. They argue against the five aforementioned proofs that celebrating this holiday isn’t necessarily what has caused Muslims to have illicit relationships, but that—Valentine’s Day or not—those people are going to follow their desires and prohibiting this day won’t solve that problem. They then contend that if some choose to do fornication and teach kids the path to fornication then that is their problem. They ask, “Why can’t we do what the Prophet ﷺ did when he told the Jews that the Muslims were more worthy of following Moses than they and thus he fasted with them?” These scholars contend that this holiday was originally named after St. Valentine who defended the sanctity of marriage which is something common between us and it isn’t related to polytheism or false worship. With that argument they also bring up the debate among the madhabs (schools of thought) about al-Ateerah. Al-Ateerah was a feast in Rajab where people originally slaughtered animals for their idols. The Muslims later took the same practice in the same month, slaughtered for Allah’s sake, and gave some meat to the poor. Some scholars held that this allowance was later abrogated and prohibited while others held that it being a sunnah was abrogated and thus remained permissible. This is because many texts are hard to put together and make an easy ruling (for more info see the Kuwaiti Encyclopedia for Islamic Jurisprudence volume 29 under عتيرة). Furthermore, they argue that in the West this is a part of secular culture; even atheists take part in this holiday, and it is not seen as a Christian holiday, nor celebrated in churches like Christmas and Easter.

Allah knows best if there is sin in taking part in the tradition of this day, as both arguments have their proofs, but let’s take our love seriously and live a life that reflects our love for Allah (swt) and His messenger ﷺ. This is indeed the true love; as Bob Marley correctly said, “One Love… Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right.”

MAS Khuthbah – “Be My Valentine” – 2-10-2012 from MAS Charlotte on Vimeo.

…Or at least that’s what advertisers want you to think this month. While it’s nice to express your love often, Valentine’s Day comes once a year, leaving you no choice but to do so or risk seeming heartless. For the owners of floral boutiques and chocolate shops, Eid comes in February.

But even amidst such commercialized affections, one can hardly keep from thinking about those they love. And while we do so, we are inevitably faced with some  pivotal questions.

I was reminded of some of those questions when I reflected on something a friend of mine had told me. She described how it felt to be with the person she loved. In her words, the whole world disappeared when they were together. The more I reflected on her statement, the more it affected me, and the more it made me wonder.

As humans, we are made to feel love and attachment towards others. This is part of our human nature.  While we can feel this way about another human being, five times a day we enter into a meeting with our Lord and Creator. I wondered how often we ever felt the whole world disappear while in His presence. Can we really claim that our love for Allah is greater than our love for anyone and anything else?

So often we think that Allah only tests us with hardships, but this isn’t true.  Allah also tests with ease. He tests us with  na`im (blessings) and with the things we love, and it is often in these tests that so many of us fail. We fail because when Allah gives us these blessings, we unwittingly turn them into false idols  in the heart.

When Allah blesses us with money, we depend on the money rather than Allah. We forget that the source of our provision is not and never was the money, but rather it was the giver of that money. Suddenly we’re willing to sell alcohol to avoid losing money in our business, or we need to take out loans with interest to feel secure. In so doing we are foolishly—and ironically—disobeying the Provider in order to protect the provision.

When Allah blesses us with someone that we love, we forget that Allah is the source of that blessing, and we begin to love that person as we should love Allah. That person becomes the center of our world—all our concerns, thoughts, plans, fears, and hopes revolve only around them. If they are not our spouses, we are sometimes even willing to fall into haram just to be with them. And if they were to leave us, our whole world would crumble. So now, we have shifted our worship from the Source of the blessing to the blessing itself.

Allah says of such people:  “And [yet], among the people are those who take other than Allah as equals [to Him]. They love them as they [should] love Allah. But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah.” (Qur’an 2:165)

It is because of this tendency to lose sight  after Allah has  bestowed His blessings that  He warns us in the Qur’an when He says: “Say, [O Muhammad], ‘If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives, wealth which you have obtained, commerce wherein you fear decline, and dwellings with which you are pleased are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and jihad in His cause, then wait until Allah executes His command. And Allah does not guide the defiantly disobedient people.’” (9:24)

It is important to note that all the things listed in the above ayah (verse) are halal (permissible) to love and are, in fact, blessings in and of themselves. In fact, some of those blessings are signs of Allah. On the one hand, Allah says: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Qur’an 30:21)

But on the other hand, Allah warns:  “O you who have believed, indeed, among your wives and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them.” (Qur’an 64:14)

The warning in this ayah is critical. Our spouses and our children are listed here because they are among the blessings we love the most. And it is in  that which you love most that you find the greatest test. So if conquering that test means seeing through a storm of greeting cards and roses to a greater love that awaits, then so be it. And when could that be more relevant?

Because after all, love is in the air.

Originally published by IslamOnline

I once dropped by the MSA at the University of Tulsa and heard a very disturbing story. A man from the area had left Islam and had recently given a talk at a local church about his apostasy. He claimed that there was no love in Islam. He felt that the Islamic way of life is filled with hate, harshness and rigidity. I plan to touch on how this apostate and others like him are dead wrong. It is obvious to any common practicing Muslim that they have very little knowledge of the Qur’an and Sunnah. Before making such a judgment they should have based their decision based upon the scripture. The truth is that a problem common to all apostates I’ve heard of is in blaming Islam for the actions of people who happened to be called Muslim, yet aren’t necessarily practicing Islam correctly.

When talking about love in Islam let’s see what the Holy Qur’an say’s about it. First of all I would like to note two definitions of love found in the American Heritage Dictionary:

8a. God’s benevolence and Mercy toward man.
8b. Man’s devotion to or adoration of God.

These two definitions precisely describe the Islamic concept of the relation between God and man.

When reading the Qur’an, anyone can easily recognize the emphasis put on God’s love, compassion, graciousness, mercy and forgiveness. As a matter of fact, all chapters of the Qur’an except one begin with the phrase “in the name of God” who is described as Al-Rahman and Al-Raheem. This verse is often translated as “in the Name of God, the Benevolent and Merciful.”  This fits the exact meaning of the definition for the love of God found in the English dictionary. These two descriptions are the most commonly used words by which Allah describes Himself in the Qur’an. These characteristics of Allah refer to His countless blessings, bounties and forgiveness He has bestowed upon us without us deserving anything. He does all of that even though we constantly break His commandments.

Similarly, when we look at the Arabic word Muslim, we find that it is a person who is devoted to Allah, submitting to His will. This is exactly what the English dictionary has to say about the meaning of a person’s love for God.

Life is all about a test of realization and action. We are drawn to a realization of God’s love to us and leading a life of gratitude, which reflects our deep adoration and devotion to God. We do this hoping that our beloved Creator will be pleased with us and yearning to be with Him for eternity in the bliss of the hereafter. This well known concept of the purpose of life according to Islam perfectly reflects the meaning of the man’s love for God.

Islam enjoins the general concept of love between mankind as well. This is first and foremost done by promoting the love of God amongst our fellow man. This is manifested through our practice of the concept of “rahmah” which can be translated as love, mercy, compassion or forgiveness. The Prophet ﷺ told his companions as narrated authentically in al-Targheeb (3/210):

“You don’t truly believe until you have rahmah for others.” His companions responded, “We all have rahmah.” The Prophet ﷺ then told them, “Verily, you don’t reach this level of faith by just having rahmah for those who are close to you, but you must have rahmah for everyone.”

In fact this was the sum of why Allah sent the Prophet ﷺ. He says in verse 107 of al-Anbiyaa in the Qur’an,

“And We have not sent you, [O Muhammad], except as a mercy to the worlds.” (21:107)

In this category of general love for everything, we have another very important type of love. This is the love between the husband and a wife. So before continuing about this love and how it manifests itself between married couples, let’s talk about how one gets married according to Islam.

Finding a spouse in Islam is quite easy. It is actually much easier than in common western culture. Islam forbids anything that can possibly lead to fornication. First, let’s ponder over verse 32 of Surah al-Israa in the Qur’an,

This verse means “Don’t even come close to fornicating.”

As a result of this, it is prohibited to be alone with, flirt or touch someone from the opposite sex who isn’t your spouse or immediate family. The only mixed gender interactions should be with lowering the gaze, hijab, only speaking about a necessity like buying something, asking directions, discussing religious matters, etc… So you can see why Islam prohibits the modern concept of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. This solves so many social problems prevalent in societies that don’t observe this seemingly strict code of mixed gender mingling. Many who were raised here in the west have many reactions to these rules, the most common of which is, “So how are we supposed to find a spouse?”

Back in the time of the Prophet ﷺ and even until today in some cultures, parents arranged marriage through their relationship with another family they know well. Best case scenario is that they might allow them to see each other once or show a picture, but then the parents would completely make the decision of compatibility as well as the marriage itself. Believe it or not, in the old days this would work the vast majority of the time for reasons which I will mention later.

Nowadays, people have become more critical and have an individualist opinionated outlook and women have taken a stronger role in society. For this reason, it would be wise upon parents not to force their children to marry someone without their full approval and acceptance. This advice is based upon firsthand knowledge of many arranged marriages which obviously were not arranged based upon compatibility and/or went sour.

It should be that the family and friends of a Muslim bachelor are those who are actually looking for a suitable spouse for him or her. If Allah’s will was that a Muslim bachelor meets, or personally knows of someone with whom he or she is interested, then he should immediately go to her family about it, preferably the father. Parents should allow their child to have some chaperoned meetings with someone in whom they are initially interested. These meetings should be strictly about learning about each other’s personality and expectations in their spouse. If after a few of these meetings they don’t feel compatible then they should break off all communication in that regard and go back to being a regular Muslim brother and sister. If after praying for Allah’s guidance (istikharah) they feel close and compatible then it is best to get married as soon as possible. There may be a small period of engagement, but even if they are culturally engaged that does not change the fact that in Islam there is no change in their relationship. It is just an inclination to marry down the road which either party can break free from at any time.

The basic difference between an Islamic marriage and a western marriage is that in the west a couple generally meets without any help from the family. Their meeting is usually a result of a man’s attraction and a woman’s being flattered and enjoying his charming company. Then they proceed as a married couple – sometimes for many years – until they decide that they want to live the rest of their life with each other. Then they get married. They feel like they were already in love for some time. So they live together after getting married and they get sick of each other and get a divorce for one reason or another. In Islam, the marriage is protected by the divine legislation of God. The first factor in this preservation is that the marriage – if done correctly – is first formed through real compatibility and not physical desires which can often get a man to act in whatever way will get him what he wants and by the girl being flattered and charmed by his fake façade – or as we say in modern terminology, “his game.”

Once a Muslim couple is officially married, they understand that even with compatibility they must work for the rest of their lives to preserve love, compassion, understanding, respect and forgiveness between them. They have entered into a covenant with Allah that carries rights and responsibilities between each other. The basic foundation of that bond is found in the Holy Qur’an in verse 21 of Surah al-Rum,

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21)

That being said we are now coming close to the time in which most westerners celebrate Valentine’s Day. There is much mystery and folklore as to where this holiday came from, but the general story is that it was originally a pagan holiday. After the Roman Empire embraced Christianity, it was later named after a Catholic saint named Valentine.  Folklore suggests that in the 3^rd century C.E., the Roman Emperor Claudius II banned young healthy men from marriage. In defense of the divine union of marriage, St. Valentine allegedly protested this by secretly holding marriage ceremonies. He later was martyred on February 14, thus marking the date.

That being said, today this holiday has no religious affiliation and is common to both religious folk and atheists. It is a day that couples exchange cards, candy, chocolate, flowers and even jewelry as a token of their love.  This is also a day where many premarital relationships happen or are forged.

So the question many Muslims have is, “What is the ruling on taking part in any of the traditional practices of this holiday?”

The vast majority of scholars hold it to be prohibited to buy, sell or take part in anything that is related to this holiday. They base this ruling on a few reasons:

1. They are seeing it lead to social problems in the Muslim world, especially the recent skyrocket in dating and romantic premarital relationships.
2. It is a day in which a lot of fornication happens and even small children are encouraged to start engaging in premarital relationships.
3. It is imitating the disbelievers in their religious practices. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.”
4. It is rooted in the religious practices of non-Muslims so it is an innovation which must be rejected.
5. It is a holiday and all holidays except the two `Eids are innovations religious or not.

A handful of other scholars don’t feel that there is anything conclusive evidence that prohibits Muslim married couples from taking this opportunity to recognize and commend their love for each other and doing something special together. They argue against the five aforementioned proofs that celebrating this holiday isn’t necessarily what has caused Muslims to have illicit relationships, but that – Valentine’s Day or not – those people are going to follow their desires and prohibiting this day won’t solve that problem. They then contend that if some choose to do fornication and teach kids the path to fornication then that is their problem. They ask, “Why can’t we do what the Prophet ﷺ did when he told the Jews that the Muslims were more worthy of following Moses than them and thus he fasted with them?” These scholars contend that this holiday was originally named after St. Valentine who defended the sanctity of marriage which is something common between us and it isn’t related to polytheism or false worship. With that argument they also bring up the debate among the madhabs about al-Ateerah. Al-Ateerah was a feast in Rajab where people originally slaughtered animals for their idols. The Muslims later took the same practice in the same month, slaughtered for Allah’s sake, and gave some meat to the poor. Some scholars held that this allowance was later abrogated and prohibited while others held that it being a sunnah was abrogated and thus remained permissible. This is because many texts are hard to put together and make an easy ruling (for more info see the Kuwaiti Encyclopedia for Islamic Jurisprudence volume 29 under عتيرة). Furthermore, they argue that in the west this is a part of secular culture; even atheists take part in this holiday, and it is not seen as a Christian holiday, nor celebrated in churches like Christmas and Easter.

Allah knows best if there is sin in taking part in the tradition of this day, as both arguments have their proof, but let’s take our love seriously and live a life that reflects our love for Allah and His messenger ﷺ. This is indeed the true love; as Bob Marley correctly said, “One Love… Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right.”