This morning I saw a wasp on my patio, exhausted and weak from relentlessly buzzing in circles, no doubt seeking plants, flowers and home. But tracing the same paths back and forth, again and again, had left it frustrated and trapped on the concrete; a self-made prison. After a few minutes, it snapped out of this trance and veered left discovering a dying potted plant on the patio floor. No doubt it was delighted with its discovery; even a single wilting and diseased flower felt lavish and verdant in comparison to the seemingly endless tiles on the ground. My heart went out to the little creature and I knew it would be far happier and better off at the back of the garden, where there are beautiful wildflowers, roses and lavender, and where the other wasps and bees live. I did not know how this one had managed to stray so far from home, but I had no doubt whatsoever that it would not survive on this rotten plant on the patio.

I tried to encourage it off the sickly flower with a couple of leaves, intending to carry it to the lush greenery further back, but it would not cooperate. This was understandable. It had finally found respite from the harsh slabs of flooring, after much frustration and toil, and now it was being forced away. It struggled and fought with all its little body had left to remain with its prize. Each time I tried to pry it onto my leaf it would scramble away, and eventually tried to hide.

I wished I could communicate with the wasp to explain my intention; to tell it to trust me, because I could see much further. I was taking it to a better place, that I knew it would thank me for. I wanted it to know that there was abundance, beauty, sustenance and far more hope if it would only surrender and climb aboard.

The wasp reminded me of myself not too long ago; short-sighted, fearful of vulnerability and uncertainty. Content to settle for what seemed like the safer, easier option because I was paralysed by fear of what potentially lay ahead. Eventually, the wasp gave in and sat still on the leaf while I took it and set it down amongst its family, in what was a paradise compared to my patio. It must have been annoyed, terrified and confused. It may have cried, trembled or even felt despairing at points along the walk to the back of the garden, but it came nonetheless. In the end, it was gently given more than its tiny mind could have ever imagined. All because it trusted, hoped and let me carry it there.

We are told constantly to place our trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). With every prayer, we affirm our reliance; but how many of us fully and truly submit and surrender, in utter hope and certainty that He can see further than us and He knows better? He is perfect, merciful and knows of all the metaphorical gardens we may be seeking, in this life and the next. He never empties our hands of anything except in His infinite wisdom, to replace it with something better. We are short-sighted; we can only see the flower we are currently on, and often cannot fathom the beauty He may be pushing us towards instead.

“And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him.” (Qur’an 65:3)

May we all be granted the courage and guidance to be freed from the shackles of fear and doubt, and to trust and rely wholly on the All-Powerful, the All-Wise, the All-Compassionate.

For those that may be uncomfortable with this approach, the idea here is not to take 20^th century fiction as a source for religious guidance. The idea is to show that the wisdom of Islam and Divine Revelation is reflected in all of creation and drops of that wisdom inform cultures all over the world. As is narrated in at-Tirmidhi:

“The statement of wisdom is the lost property of the believer, so wherever he finds it then he has a right to it.”

BismilLah (In the Name of God)

“All that is gold does not glitter

Not all those who wander are lost”

(The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien)

Context in The Lord of the Rings

These are the first two lines of a poem written by Bilbo Baggins. They are in reference to the Dunedain, the descendants of the nobles and royals of Gondor, who sailed across the sea when their ancestral home, the Island of Numenor was destroyed by the One due to their breaking of his commandment to never try to reach the Undying Lands. The evil Sauron is able to convince some men to cross the sea and invade the Undying Lands so that they might be immortal. A group known as the Faithful refused to break the commandment and left Numenor to come to Middle Earth as the invaders were destroyed by the One himself. After founding the Kingdoms of Gondor and Arnor and the gradual descent of the kingdoms into decay and chaos, the descendants of the Faithful become wanderers. Their role was to secretly and discreetly allow their line to survive while fighting unknown to protect Middle Earth. Aragorn was their leader before the War of the Rings. These lines mirror a number of Islamic lessons and ideas.

Some Islamic Thoughts1. There are many human beings that God, subhanahu wa ta’ala (exalted is He), has placed on the Earth who are unknown, hidden, and go about doing the work of God without any recognition or fame. They come from a spiritual and educational, and sometimes even familial, line connecting them to the Final Messenger of God ﷺ (peace be upon him). As the Messenger ﷺ  said: “When the believers enter Paradise, there shall already be a number of people inside Paradise. The believers will ask, ‘How did you get here?’ The people shall respond, ‘We used to worship Allah secretly, so he placed us in Paradise secretly.'” For those seeking sincerity, this is a wonderful goal. Those who go out of their way to worship Allah (swt) and do good things secretly, Allah will reward them with some among His secrets in this world, and reward them secretly in the next, by His permission.

These people, the Friends of God (swt), are the gold of humanity, its most precious treasure, and one of the reasons that we are bestowed with divine Grace on the Earth. But just like the fictional Dunedain, they do not glitter, shine, flash, or have a ton of YouTube videos or social media entries. They put their head down and work to worship and serve others. We can pray that Allah (swt) allows us to meet them and learn from them—but even more critically—that by His unfailing mercy, He allows us to be like them.

This does not mean that utilizing social and mass mediums is a negative thing. Rather, as the statement says, simply that not everything that is gold necessarily HAS to glitter. That is, just because someone is not famous, well known, or all over the internet, does not mean they are not of amazing quality, close to God (swt) and useful to His servants.

Ibn Ata’illah, rahimahu Allah (May God have mercy on him), writes: “Bury yourself in the Earth of being hidden. For what grows without being buried, does not come to fruition.”

The idea that before one is able to engage people and provide fruit, one must first (and then continuously in intervals) spend some time buried in the earth the way a seed is buried is central to our understanding of tarbiyyah (spiritual growth) and tazkiyyah (purification of the soul). We find the proverbial “burying” of oneself in the cave of Hira with our Messenger ﷺ , the walk across the desert of Musa, the seemingly secret lessons of Khidr which we only found centuries later in the Revelation to the Prophet, as well the sabbatical of Imam al-Ghazali (ra) when he left his teaching and imam responsibilities to go and purify himself for years before returning to be Hujjat al Islam, culminating in some of the most critical legal and spiritual teachings of our Ummah (Muslim community).

One may call such people “wanderers” but such people are not lost. Some may not recognize the gold that such people are and consider them to be nothing. Rather, God (swt) has already put them on a path towards Him. Though they may seem like they are “wandering”, they are in fact racing towards their Lord (swt).

Once, Shaykh Muhammad Ash-Sha’raawi (ra), the Azhari scholar (Al-Azhar is an Islamic university in Egypt) and teacher of tafsir (Qu’ranic exegesis) was expected to give his nightly tafsir in the mosque, which was also broadcast. When the organizers could not find him, they searched the complex and finally found him in the bathroom dressed in the robes normally worn by religious scholars, cleaning the bathroom of the mosque. When they asked him what he was doing, he replied (paraphrased): “I had a moment in which I thought too much of myself as I was preparing to teach tafsir to so many, so I came here to remind myself who I am.”

Lessons:

• Flashiness is not Faith, nor it is it the path to Faith. As Ali Hujwiri (ra) said, if someone has attained ma’rifah (gnosis of God), he should keep quiet about it. So of course this would apply to the thousands of darajaat (levels) underneath ma’rifah of Allah (swt).
• We should strive to be of those who can do little things for God’s sake secretly (swt). God (swt) will make known what benefits others, we do not need to be our own spokesmen.
• Sometimes, I may feel that Allah (swt) is making me wander in my life as I try to reach Him. Career concerns, trials, and tribulations may make us feel that we are lost, but our religion teaches us that such occurrences are exactly the path that Allah (swt) is using to purify us so that when we present ourselves to Him, He will do nothing except enter us into Paradise. Our reaction to this “wandering road” is what will determine whether we indeed make ourselves lost, or reach God (swt) at the end.
• There are some spiritual people out there who have no websites, but their connection with Allah (swt) is beyond fiber optic. Pretty book covers and websites are not necessarily indicative of scholarship. As a community, we should realize that all the gold of our communities does not glitter. Benefit can be found in unlikely places. Whether a small house that serves as the seed for a hifdh (Qu’ranic memorization) school that turns into its own community, or a Ph.D. of shari’ah (Islamic law) with a white beard who serves in a quiet corner of a major city who happened to be involved in the curriculum design of Al-Azhar.
• As much as we strive to be God-centered in our religious practice, not nafs-centered (self)—we should not allow Shaytaan (the Devil) to fool us such that we leave any responsibilities that may be thrown our way. If you know something reliably that someone else does not, and you are asked about it, sincerity does not entail leaving them to themselves. This is laziness. Sincerity entails helping them find the answer, and even directing them towards one more qualified.

To completely ignore responsibilities under the guise of “sincerity” is also something that Ibn Ata’illah (ra) warns about. It is easy to turn the quest for sincerity into its own arrogance, assuring oneself that the reason one ignores the needs of people is that one is sincere. With this attitude, we lose both spiritually and practically. We have fooled ourselves and have not helped others. This is why Imam An-Nawawi (ra) provides us a simple formula to ward off Shaytaan’s whispers instead of having to re-affirm our intentions at every Planck Time:

Check our intentions at the beginning, the middle, and the end of the act. If we can re-affirm at these three checkpoints that what we are doing is for God (swt), then God-willing our action will be accepted.

When learning Allah’s Names, it is important to understand that Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) is not just one attribute at a time. Just like if we describe our friend as firm and kind, it doesn’t mean that she is sometimes firm and sometimes kind. She is both at the same time. One attribute does not cancel out the other; rather they work in harmony. So it is important not to compartmentalize Allah’s Names and attributes in that way, but rather to understand Him in a holistic sense.

Today’s two Names are important in that regard, because we can truly better our relationship with Allah (swt) when we understand how these Names relate to His other Names.

The first Name is Al-`aleem– the All-Knowing: what is and what could be, what was and what could have been. Al-Ghazali says, “Its perfection lies in comprehending everything by knowledge—manifest and hidden, small and large, first and last, inception and outcome.”

Sheikh Ratib an-Nabulsi teaches that the difference between Allah’s knowledge and human knowledge is that we must necessarily acquire our knowledge by what we see and experience around us. On the other hand, Allah’s knowledge has no beginning or end, and is not based on trial and error. Allah (swt) tells us in the Qur’an:

“And with Him are the keys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but that He knows it. And no grain is there within the darknesses of the earth and no moist or dry [thing] but that it is [written] in a clear record,” (Qur’an, 6:59)

The all-Knower even knows every leaf that falls. He knows what our souls whisper to us and He is closer to us “than the jugular vein”. So He knows what you are going through, what you are feeling. Your Lord does not forget either; so do not think that anything you have done has gone to waste. He knows when you prevented yourself from doing bad for His sake, so just because you didn’t see the result of your choice immediately, don’t think that it went unnoticed. But some things need patience, and Allah (swt) teaches us with time. Allah (swt) tells us:

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Qur’an, 2:216)

The second Name is al-Hakeem which is related to hakam, to judge. According to al-Ghazali, al-Hakeem is “the One who possesses wisdom, and wisdom consists of the knowledge of the most excellent things gathered through the instrumentality of the most excellent branch of knowledge.” Similarly in order to judge, you need to have the knowledge with which to do so.

One is knowing, and the other is acting with this knowledge. Allah (swt) is both the All-Knowing and the Most-Wise—He possesses all the knowledge, and as an-Nabulsi states, He “does the proper thing in the proper way in the proper place and the proper time.”

So crucially, we talk about Allah being al-Mujeeb (the One who responds), al-Wakeel (the Trustee) and al-Fattah (the Supreme Opener). So sometimes we work hard and have absolute certainty that the Possessor of these attributes will help us. Then, the result is not as we wanted. So some of us may come away with our faith shaken, others may feel betrayed or abandoned. But that is because we missed out on something—He is the Most-Wise, and He is the all-Knowing. He didn’t give it to you because He knows what is best for your dunya (this life) and your akhira (the hereafter). We sometimes think we know, but we do not possess all of the knowledge. And understanding that He knows what the best result should be is true tawakul (total trust in God).

Can we imagine being in the position of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him), when he seeks protection from the people of Ta’if? He must have thought, “Surely, Allah will respond.” And he goes to Ta’if, yet is rejected in a brutal, demeaning way. But he never doubts Allah (swt), not for a second. His du`a’ (supplication) consists of saying to Allah, “If you are not angry with me, then I do not care.” So he never doubts. He continues working. And it is because Medina was better for him—and the lesson for us is no matter what the people do to us, if we are on the path to truth, Allah (swt) is always with us.

So whenever things do not go our way or as we assumed they would, we need to put our trust in the One who truly knows what is best. I once prayed istikhara (prayer for guidance) for a job I really didn’t want to take, and everything was pushing me to take it. It was not a job I would want to do in the long term, but at that time it was the only thing available and all the signs seemed to be pointing for me to take it. I was not too happy, but tried to be content. Subhan’Allah (glory to God), it was through that job that the doors to what I actually wanted to do opened up—and I learned that truly Allah knows, and I do not. I’m sure that many of us have gone through this!

Coming Alive with Allah’s Names

The first lesson is that understanding these Names should increase our faith in Allah, and especially in His other Names and attributes. They are all related, and once we truly understand them and try to live by them, our faith in Allah (swt) should increase as we see the manifestations of His Name in our lives.

The second lesson is one of humility. When Abu Bakr radi Allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) was praised, he would pray:

“O Allah! You know me more than I know myself; and I know myself more than they know me. O Allah! Make me better than they say, forgive me what they do not know about me, and do not take me to account for that which they say about me.” (Ibn Atheer)

We all know our faults better than others, and there are some faults that we do not notice that Allah (swt) knows. It is important to keep ourselves grounded, that no matter how good we become, Allah is All-Knowing and we can always improve. The du`a’ of the Angels in the Qur’an is beautiful in this regard:

“They said, “Exalted are You; we have no knowledge except what You have taught us. Indeed, it is You who is the Knowing, the Wise.” (Qur’an, 2:32)

It is important to always attribute the good to Allah (swt), because truly all good is from Him. And as we know, whoever is grateful, Allah (swt) increases them in favor.

Finally, the best knowledge is knowledge of Allah (swt). Al-Ghazali, says, “He who knows all things but fails to know Allah is not called ‘a wise person’.” We are encouraged to increase in knowledge, as Allah (swt) instructs us in the Qur’an:

“… and say, ‘My Lord, increase me in knowledge.’” (Qur’an, 20:114)

Moreover, knowledge is praised. Allah (swt) also tells us:

“… whoever is given wisdom is given a great good,” (Qur’an, 2:269)

So it is important to keep learning in general in order to better ourselves in this dunya, but it is equally if not more important to keep up our religious knowledge and knowledge of Allah (swt), because that also helps us to put this dunya into context.

We ask Allah to increase us in beneficial knowledge and in iman (faith).

Bang.

Smash.

‘What was that?!’

That was the sound of a once sound heart, shattering into a million pieces. Imagine you are the person carrying that heart: covered in pain and soaked in tears. Maybe you don’t have to imagine, because maybe that is your heart.

We are the broken-hearted.

Betrayal, oppression, deception, whatever it may be that happened to us—the result is the same, a broken heart at the hand of a human. A broken heart that feels like it can never be fixed, and it was entirely someone else’s fault. It would be enough if they had just hurt us, and all we had to do is deal with the pain that came from their actions, but no. Rather, the hurt, the pain, the brokenness…it brought out the worst in us, allowing us to see our own faults, and painful ones at that. How do we go on? How do we move on with life and shift our focus back to the One who deserves it? How do we stop obsessing over the wrongs that occurred and start focusing on the only One who should be obsessed over? One word: Forgiveness.

When a person is soaked in sin and wants to return to Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), they begin with repentance. The person whole-heartedly turns to Allah, asking Him to forgive utterly and completely, even though the asker may not be deserving. Likewise, the path back to Allah (swt) after a severely broken heart, at the hand of a human, is forgiveness.

When it comes to forgiveness, the key is shifting how we see forgiveness. As always, Allah (swt) has given us a beautiful tool to make this shift, and that is the story of Prophet Yusuf `alayhi as-salaam (peace be upon him).

Of the many fruitful parts of the story of Prophet Yusuf (as), is that of his being wronged by the wife of his master. She attempted to seduce our beloved Prophet Yusuf (as). Not only did she attempt to seduce him, but she landed him in jail by blaming him of the unthinkable instead of taking the blame! IMAGINE! This is a woman whom, as the wife of his master, he was supposed to be able to trust. This was a woman whom he served during the day. Yet when her desires took over, she wronged him many times over!

Despite all of this, Prophet Yusuf (as) did not act wrongfully, nor did he hold a grudge. Why? Prophet Yusuf (as) knew the reality of forgiveness. When all was exposed and the truth revealed, Yusuf (as) made a revolutionary statement. He said: “I do not free myself from all blame. Truly, the nafs (base self) is inclined to evil, except for those who my Lord grants His Mercy. Truly, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

Allahu Akbar! (God is Greater!) A huge, humbling, life-changing lesson we can take from his statement is: You are not the oppressor in this situation only because Allah (swt) has blessed you with His Mercy. Every soul has the ability to wrong others, every soul has the ability to be the oppressor, and only Allah’s mercy prevents that.

The next time we begin to feel this immense and absolute anger towards the person who has harmed us—let’s make that shift, and forgive. Forgive the one who has wronged us not because that person deserves it; rather, forgive them as a sign of gratitude to Allah (swt). Forgive as a symbol of our thanking Him for blessing us to be of those who have never thought of hurting a person in the manner that we have had to endure. Forgive as a symbol of our thanking Him for making us the oppressed and not the oppressors. There is no sin in being the oppressed; rather, Allah tells us that He is with the one who has been wronged and is constantly answering their du`a’ (supplication). But what of the oppressor? They have the anger of Allah (swt) and the displeasure of Allah (swt). And realize that the one who has oppressed you has oppressed themselves more. For it is that person who will have to stand in front of Allah (swt) on the Day of Judgment and have their oppression accounted for, if they are not of those who have repented. So on that Day, they will be their own greatest victims.

Forgive as a statement that says, ‘Oh Allah I’m not forgiving them for their own sake, rather I am forgiving them as a sign of gratitude to You for steering me clear of those desires. I’m forgiving them out of my love for You. I’m forgiving them because I know You love it when a slave of Yours is merciful to others and I want to be of the ones that You love. My desires tell me to wish evil for them and to hold this grudge, but I put You over my own desire and I forgive them.’

Pray for those who hurt you. Pray for those who do not accept you. Love them for the sake of God. Pray that they realize their wrongs before they face their Lord. Pray that no one ever has to go through the same thing you did at the hands of this person. Love your oppressor for the sake of God, because love is the only emotion that is strong enough to penetrate a hardened heart, but know it will take time. Perhaps years, but you will be a better person because you chose to take the higher route: Forgiveness. 

This article is a culmination of some of my thoughts about parenting, prompted by recent conversations. It is intended for both parents and grown adults. If you’re not a parent, you might find that some of what you will read gives you insight—insight that will allow you to change your perceptions of your parents for the better, insha’ Allah (God willing).

Community Leader Syndrome

Many parents today want to bring their kids up to be leaders. This is a noble endeavor, but I’d like to suggest the following:

I think that it would be wiser to bring your children up to have the capacity to be leaders, but not necessarily for them to be leaders. So don’t tell them, “I want you to be a community leader,” nor “You’ll make a good community leader.” This can lead to power-loving individuals. It can lead to control freaks. It leads to arrogance.

“And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height,” (Qur’an 17:37).

This was the advice of Luqman (radi allahu `anhu, may God be pleased with him) to his son.

We need to remember that as Muslims, we are not to seek leadership. We are to seek betterment: “I only intend reform as much as I am able,” (Qur’an 11:88).

And so, you bring your child up to be strong and therefore courageous. To know what is right and what is wrong and therefore trustworthy. To be charismatic—there is nothing wrong with that. To be inspirational even!

Then as they grow, opportunities will present themselves. Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) will protect them. Allah (swt) will place them were they are best suited.

In a hadeeth of the Prophet ﷺ, (narrated in the sahih of Al-Hakim) he states that it is a betrayal to Allah (swt), His Messenger ﷺ and the Ummah at large to place someone in a seat of power that they are not best suited for. It is narrated that Umar ibn Alkhatab (ra) rejected any suggestions that his son, Abdullah, be the next khalifah (caliph), saying that it was enough for one of them to stand in front of Allah (ra), and be tried for that position on the day of Judgment!

You must also be aware that the child seeks your approval. Therefore, do not make him/her stretch for something that he/she might not be best suited for. Let him strive for taqwa (God consciousness) instead. Otherwise, your child might grow up feeling that they have let you down by not becoming the community leader you had wished for whilst they also avoid arrogance—it’s not a nice place to be, stuck between a rock and a hard place.

We know the story of both prophets Musa (`alayhi assalaam, peace be upon him) and Yusuf (as).  Musa (as) was given a prophet’s daughter because he was strong and trustworthy.  Yusuf (as) asked for the position of power (chancellor) because he was best qualified for it—he was trustworthy and knowledgeable (a form of strength).

So, neither of these prophets acquired these characters with the intention to attain; rather, these characters brought for them opportunities that they couldn’t have conceived of before.

What to Concentrate on

There is also the question of how to bring up kids: do you bring them up in a bubble (usually associated with Islamic schooling) or do you risk letting them experience life as it is, in the hope that they do not grow to be naive?

I believe that if you bring your children up with the following two characteristics, things will work themselves out regardless of what you choose, insha’ Allah:

• Courage
• Knowing what is right and what is wrong.

It takes courage to implement what is right and to avoid what is wrong. But without knowledge, courage is only a shell, and it can be quite detrimental. Both are critical.

The Prophet ﷺ once described to a companion that if the whole world was to unite to harm him, they would not be able to—unless Allah (swt) had willed it so. And that if the whole world were to unite to help him, they would not be able to—unless Allah (swt) had willed it so.

You would think this advice was given to Khalid ibn Alwaleed (ra) or to Umar ibn AlKhatab (ra)—no! It was given to ibn Abas. He was between the ages of 9 and 13!

Details and More Details

I also think that parents love to over simplify things for their kids…they don’t want to mention too much because of all the “but why” questions, forgetting that the reply could always be: “I don’t know,” or “Why don’t you find out when you grow up?” or “Why don’t we ask someone?” These are opportunities to give your child self-reliance and curiosity. Instill within them the love of learning—it’s a form of worship.  And it’s an amazing opportunity for you to see things with a new light, to re-acquire that beautiful wonder that children bring to the world.

Engineer Failure

I believe that parents need to engineer the child’s failure. They need to have their children experience falling, betrayal by friends and failure in general. This will happen anyway, but hardly any parent teaches the child how to deal with the situation, how to stand again.

Give your child the first taste of business at the age of 11. Give him/her some money and tell him/her to invest it. Let him/her fail. It’s ok. It’s more than ok… it’s good. Tell them to try again until they succeed.

Let him/her learn the true meaning of trust—before you ever speak about it. Let him/her know what a bad friend can do and how harmful they can be—well before you teach them the hadeeth about the friend of a perfume seller as compared to the friend of a blacksmith.

Engineer it so that they fail, but in a safe manner. (That’s why it’s called engineering and not neglect!)

Failure and betrayal are viewed as a bug in the software and not as an integral part of the system (life). Failure is integral to success—to life itself. Teach your children how to deal with it. It will make them more courageous and less susceptible to bribes and emotional blackmail.

Reward them when they realize that they’ve made a mistake. Don’t ever tell them, “I told you so.”

By the way, the story of Yusuf—if you teach your children that, how can they be naive? The same holds for all the prophets and the seerah of the Beloved ﷺ.

So if you’re honest about things as you instill courageousness and you teach them right from wrong—this is good.

Don’ts

I was recently shocked during taraweeh prayer (late night prayer performed in Ramadan) when a parent rewarded his son by saying: “Because you’re praying in the mosque, I’m going to take you shopping.” This shocked me because the parent was associating akhira (the next life) with dunya (this life) and not the other way around. We work in dunya in order to attain the hereafter. We don’t pray such that we attain this life, although Allah (swt) rewards us with that as a positive byproduct.

It’s much better to tell your child: “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’re going to pray by yourself, not in jama’ah” (congregational prayer, which is more beneficial) or “Eat your vegetables so you can pray jama’ah with the adults.” You thereby associate dunya with the akhirah. The sequence is vital.

Never Ever

Don’t ever tell your child off by remarking, “You’re just like you mother/father,” and here’s why:

• No one likes those that mock their parents. They will hate you (though you are a parent) for mocking their (other) parent.
• They will also hate the other parent because you (a parent) told them to.
• They will hate themselves because they now hate you. Why? Because no one likes someone that hates their parents…even if it’s themselves.
• They will feel worthless because they have come from a worthless source (culmination of the above).

The Prophet ﷺ says that Allah (swt) will have Mercy on those that teach their children to be good to them. This is the opposite, so expect the opposite of Mercy from Allah (swt) if you partake in this.

Tips on Being a Good Parent

NOTHING ever beats action and being a good role model.

So be courageous, teach yourself courage, and learn your deen, your religion. Knowledge brings with it flexibility and you’ll need lots of that!

Those of you that are aware of my work will know that I break all desires into three wants: wanting control, wanting approval, and wanting security. You’ll also know what a want is by defining your lack. (You don’t want what you have, you only want what you lack. Wanting is not acquiring.)

To engineer failure, to teach your kids courage, you must let go of lacking security for your children. You must at your very fabric and core know that Allah (swt) is The Sustainer. I know of some parents that get up in the middle of the night to make sure their baby is still breathing. If you’re getting up anyway, that’s fine. But if you’re getting up every half an hour to check, that’s not so fine (except if advised by a medical practitioner).

You need to trust Allah (swt).

The Three Stages

The fourth Khalifah, Ali (ra) advised us to play with our children till the age of 7, to discipline and teach them from the age of 7 to 14 and to BEFRIEND them at the age of 14+.

I want to really focus on this.

You see, before the age of 14, you are ultimately their decision maker. You tell them: “All strangers are bad,” and they believe that, and that’s a good belief to instill in someone younger than 14. But after the age of 14, you need to teach them to dismantle some of what you’ve taught them.

“All strangers are bad” from the age of 14 onwards leads to a timid coward. Someone that fails interviews. Someone that can’t do da`wah (outreach). And this is just an example.

You need to teach them that you are not perfect. Don’t let them figure it out for themselves!

Teach them that you have a point of view, an opinion and that others have a different opinion. Teach them that your advice is important and that they should follow it, but that following your advice is THEIR decision. It’s a subtle but critical difference.

This creates the CAPACITY to lead. But you will still have the following desire: the want/lack of approval.

At a deep level, after 14 years of your child mostly obeying you, it seems that they are disrespecting you when they make their own decisions—EVEN if that decision is the same decision as your advice. And this could potentially be problematic; it leads to your child distancing themselves from you.

Teach them to value your opinion through experience, not just because you said so. THEY’LL COME TO YOU as a result.

It’s hard enough with the way society is engineered. Children are encouraged to disrespect authority (as opposed to respect it out of freedom), and then there are the ‘teenage years.’ What are those years about?

It is a time when your child defines him/herself. So give them the space to do so. Let them define themselves. If you’ve brought them up to know what’s right and what’s wrong, and if you’ve taught them courage, then you needn’t be afraid of social pressures. (Remember that you will have begun engineering little experiences by now to accelerate their realizations.)

But if you cave in on them, they’ll want freedom from you, not with you.

So befriend your children at the age of 14. Really befriend them. How do you talk to your friends? Not with a parental tone, that’s for sure!

Change

Around the age of 14, they start a period of lacking approval for themselves. They are trying to figure out if they are a good person or not. If people like them, they figure that they must be good. If you befriend them, they don’t need the attention from others as much.

Remember also that you must bring them up for their time, not yours. Ali (ra) is narrated to have also advised this.

May Allah (swt) bless and guide both the children and the adults of this ummah (community). Ameen!

AbdelRahman Mussa is the founder of iPersonalEnrichment.com

Now that we know we must love the Prophet ﷺ, what true love is, and what the signs of love are, we must begin to actually build this love. As was mentioned in Part II, the longest lasting love is a love of someone’s “perfection in noble inner qualities.” So we will now begin to go through snapshots of the life of our Beloved, Mohammed ﷺ.

For forty years prior to the revelation, the Prophet ﷺ was indisputably known to be of sound morals. Amongst his tribe he was known as “As-Sadeeq Al-Ameen,” meaning “the honest and trustworthy one.” The fact that he was given this name can mean one of two things:

1. Either his honesty and trustworthy nature surpassed all others, or
2. At the time, it was rare to find someone who was honest and trustworthy; therefore his nature was unique and treasured as such.

There are many instances in the seerah (Prophetic biography) that illustrate the moral soundness of the Prophet ﷺ. One of these stories exemplifies the strength of the trust people had in him. It happened near the beginning of his prophethood. He summoned the people of Quraysh to the foot of a mountain and called out to them, saying: “Would you believe me if I told you an enemy host was waiting behind this hill to attack you?” Everyone, including those who would soon become his enemies, agreed that they would believe him. Although we may have heard this story many times, it may be difficult to grasp the true significance of that moment; an entire tribe agreed that they would prepare for a battle with an enemy they had not seen, using their precious time, and risking their resources – based on the words of one man. Allahu Akbar! (God is great).

It is said that the people had so much faith in him that they would advise one another to seek his services when needed. They would say, “If you have to travel and need someone to look after your wife, entrust her to Muhammad without hesitation, for he will not even glance at her face. If you want to entrust your wealth for safeguarding, entrust it to this trustworthy, honest man, for he will never touch it. If you look for someone who never tells a lie and never breaks his word, go directly to Muhammad, because whatever he says is true.”

The best way to feel this point is to take a moment and imagine someone who you trust one hundred percent, someone you know would never hurt you, someone who would never betray your trust. When they speak, you know that their words contained no lies; you find comfort in their presence. Most likely, this imagining will cause you to yearn for someone of this nature. Now take a moment and change that yearning for a nameless individual, to yearning for the Prophet ,ﷺ because this description is exactly what he was like.

May Allah (swt) cause us to be of those who yearn to be in the presence of the Beloved, Mohammed ﷺ and truly make him beloved to our hearts.

All praise is to Allah [alone] the Lord of everything that exists. Peace and prayers upon the one sent as a mercy to everything ﷺ, his family members, companions and whoever seeks guidance with his guidance and strives to follow his Sunnah (actions of the Prophet ﷺ) until the Last Day: Allah [the Exalted] made fasting [the month of Ramadan] an obligation upon His servants making clear the wisdom behind it. Allah says, “Oh you who profess faith, fasting has been prescribed for you as it was those who preceded you that you may attain taqwa” (Qur’an, 2:183).

The Wisdoms of Fasting

Facilitation and Ease in Da`wah

One of the wisdoms we take from this verse is that when Allah (swt) made fasting an obligation He mentioned first that it would be for a few days. He did this in order to facilitate things for those who observe it and to lighten this order [the acceptance of it] upon those who fast. However, after He made clear the order to fast and encouraged them to do so, He said “The month of Ramadan” thereby making the duration of the fast compulsory for an entire month. The wisdom taken from this is that Allah(swt) did not mention the duration of the fast as one month in the beginning, but He did so in the end in order to grab the people’s attention and encourage them.

Avoiding the Prohibited

Another wisdom associated with fasting is found in the statement of The Most Exalted, “…As it was prescribed upon those who preceded you that you will attain taqwa.” Thus, fasting is specifically geared towards the achievement of taqwa (not just ‘fasting’ food) and a training that disciplines a person to leave his desires and passions, which will help him to stay strong to his faith outside of the month of Ramadan. Thus, if a person is able to restrain his soul from the permissible enjoyments in the month of Ramadan, then he will find it easier to restrain it from the forbidden pleasures outside of the month itself.

Sincerity and Reflection

Fasting is an act related to abstaining from something. Thus it is a commanded act by Allah, which is specific to a certain time period.

If abstaining from a certain act is conditioned to a particular time period, then that act requires an intention. However, if an intention is not conditioned, then the intention is not a stipulation for how sound that act is.

Thus, for example, if someone refrains from drinking alcohol, fornication or usury, than that type of refrain’s soundness [which is not regulated to a specific time period] is not conditioned by an intention and it is possible that one could observe such actions without it. However, if one does make an intention in such situations, then his reward will be increased. As for acts of abstinence specified by certain time limits, like the whole month of Ramadan which involves leaving food, drink and sexual relations (with one’s spouse) from the time of dawn until sunset, then the intention is a must for the fasting to be acceptable. Thus, the first obligatory act related to fasting is the intention.

The Meaning of Intention

The meaning of intention is to direct one’s heart towards something, making it the underlying reason behind a given action. It is related from ‘Umar bin al-Khatab that the Prophet ﷺ said, “Indeed, (righteous) actions are only according to their intentions. And every person will have what he intended for.” The Prophet ﷺ said, as related by Abdullah bin ‘Umar [may Allah be pleased with him] that, “Whoever does not make his intention for the fast during the night, then there is no fast for him.” This intention is the foundation of all actions.

If a person makes his intention to fast the whole month of Ramadan, the scholars [of Fiqh] differed concerning the fast itself: is a fast equal to one act of worship or does each day of fasting represent a separate act within itself thereby equaling to 29 or 30 days of worship?

Understanding Imam Malik’s Contention

If the fast of Ramadan is equal to one act of worship, then it is sufficient for a person to make his intention once for the entire month. This was the opinion of Imam Malik [may Allah have mercy upon him] who considered the act of fasting as one continual act which required one intention.

This is similar to salah which starts with one intention in the beginning, even though it consists of a number of obligatory acts independent of each other (like Ruku’, Sujud and reciting al-Fatiha). There are highly encouraged acts in salah and encouraged ones, which, if combined with an intention, bring about great rewards, but it is sufficient to make only one intention in the beginning of salah for it to be acceptable. Thus, one is not obligated to make an intention for each and every action of prayer, but one intention at its commencement is sufficient. Likewise, if one makes his intention at the beginning of Ramadan to fast the entire month, then it is sufficient for him. And if he neglects making his intention during one of the nights of Ramadan, according the to the opinion of Malik, when this person wakes up his fast is intact based on the intention he made at the beginning of the month; this intention will suffice him as long as he does nothing to break it.

However, if he does something that breaks the continuity of his intention, then is he required to renew his intention? An example of this would be one who, after making his intention at the commencement of Ramadan, needs to travel. It does not matter if he breaks his fast while traveling or not. He must renew his intention because traveling is a means by which one is allowed to break his intention from fasting. If he travels and decides to break his fast, then this act of worship has come to a close. This is similar to one who makes salams in prayer, if one does so and the prayer is not complete, then he must make an new intention for a new prayer and pray again. This renewal of the intention, for the traveler, must be done every night and if he forgets to do so he will be considered as one who invalidly broke his fast. This is due, as was mentioned earlier, to the fact that the mere act of travel allows for one to break his intention. Therefore, if he decides to fast while traveling, he must make his intention every evening.

Another example of this are acts that obligate one to break the fast, such as a women who starts the month of Ramadan fasting with intention, encounters her menstrual cycle and then, during the same month, becomes free of her menses again. Such a woman is not allowed to begin her fast relying on her previous intention. After she has purified herself, she must make a new intention for fasting and it is not allowed for her to rely on the intention that she made at the beginning of the month. This is because the continuity of her earlier intention was broken by an act that obligates one to break the fast – menstruation.

Make Your Intention

This intention is done by a person with the aim of obeying the order of Allah (swt). Thus, if one increases making his intention, he becomes similar to the noble angels by cutting himself off from his passions and pleasures and, Allah willing, a means for increasing the reward of fasting. However, this increase in observing the intention is not a condition of the act itself. For, without it, the act will be properly achieved – if made at the beginning of the month.

When to Make the Intention?

The time allotted for making this intention is vast: from sunset until dawn. If one does not make his intention right until dawn then his fasting is correct. And if he makes his intention at the beginning of the night (sunset), it is acceptable.

However, the scholars have differed on the issue of if the intention is confirmed and one determines to observe the fast, but then that person becomes undecided and decides that he is not going to wake in the morning fasting, and then he decides the opposite and makes a new intention to fast. The majority holds that this person’s last intention to act is what counts due to the fact that he canceled it with his intention not to fast. He must still complete his fast for that day based on his intention to do so.

Another Beautiful Wisdom

Fasting is an act of worship that is attained while one is awake, sleeping and while one is busy with his daily affairs. Therefore, fasting is similar to the worship of the angels because their worship continues non-stop. When you fast, you keep it in every place and in every situation: work, school, while one is traveling and while one is at home. It is an act of worship that does not stop, but continues through the entire day and for that reason it is comparable the worship of angels.

And so, this intention related to fasting is the ‘first pillar’ from the pillars of fasting.

Sadly, these stories are not uncommon. Sometimes we can’t help but look at them and wonder: How? Why? We wonder how someone who was so straight could have gotten so far off the path.

In wondering this, we often don’t realize that the answer may be simpler than we think. People fall into all types of sin, but there is one sin all these people have in common. There is one common denominator for every individual who lives a life full of sin. Whether that person was once on the straight path and fell, or whether that person was never on that path at all, one thing is for sure. That person had to first abandon, minimize, put aside, or ignore their salah (prayer) before they were able to fall.

If one is praying, but continues to live a life full of sin, that salah is likely only the action of limbs—not heart or soul. See, there is a crucial characteristic of salah that is often overlooked.  Besides being a sacred meeting with our creator, salah is a protection of the realest kind. Allah says, “Recite, [O Muhammad], what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish prayer. Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do.” (Qur’an, 29:45)

When someone decides to abandon salah, they are also abandoning this protection. It is important to remember that this abandonment of salah often does not happen all at once, but rather in stages. It begins by delaying prayers out of their specified times and then combining one prayer with another. Soon it turns into missing the prayer all together. Before you know it, not praying becomes the norm.

Meanwhile something else is happening that cannot be seen. With every delayed or missed prayer, a hidden battle is being waged: The battle of shaytan. By abandoning the salah, the human being has put down the armor given to them by Allah, and has entered the battle field with no protection. Now shaytan can have full reign. Of this truth Allah says: “And whoever is blinded from remembrance of the Most Merciful – We appoint for him a devil, and he is to him a companion.” (Qur’an, 43:36)

So it should be of no surprise to anyone that neglecting salah becomes the very first step in the path to a lower life. Those who have fallen off the path need only to look back at where it began; and they will find that it began with the salah. The same is perfectly true the other way around. For those who wish to turn their lives around, it begins by focusing on and perfecting the salah. Once you put salah back as the priority—before school, work, fun, socializing, shopping, TV, ball games—only then can you turn your life around.

The irony of this truth is that many people are deceived into thinking that they need to first turn their life around, before they can start to pray. This thinking is a dangerous trick of shaytan, who knows that it is the salah itself which will give that person the fuel and guidance necessary to turn their life around. Such a person is like a driver whose car is on empty, but insists on finishing the journey before filling up on gas. That person won’t be going anywhere. And in the same way, such people end up in the same place for years: not praying, and not changing their lives. Shaytan challenged them, and won.

In so doing, we have allowed him to steal from us what is priceless. Our homes and our cars are so precious to us, that we would never think to leave them unprotected. So we pay hundreds of dollars on security systems to keep them safe. And yet our deen is left unprotected, to be stolen by the worst of thieves—a thief who has vowed God Himself to be our relentless enemy till the end of time. A thief who is not simply stealing some carved metal with a Mercedes symbol on it. A thief who is stealing our eternal soul and everlasting ticket to Paradise.

Originally published by InFocus News