Rabata and Taleef Collective are organizations for converts, but I don’t know if they provide those services

I was born into a Muslim family but outside of learning to read the Qur’an (not correctly btw!) And fast in Ramadan as a child I didn’t know anything about the religion. I was in middle school the first time I really heard anything about the Prophets and no one prayed in my family. The few people who were religious were spiritually abusive so we did not like them (siblings and I).

When I was in high school I met alot of Salafi Muslims who taught me about hijab and prayers and would occasionally attend the Friday prayers with a handful of other Muslims in school.

I had moments of belief but it wasn’t until after I graduated from my Masters degree that I felt I wanted to pray five times a day because I wanted to be close to God. Prior to that I researched different religions and leaned heavily towards Eastern religions.

I’m not a convert but I considered myself one because I had agnostic beliefs and didn’t understand prophethood or believe in a spiritual realm. Now I have been told I was a Muslim since I had moments of belief and have to make up missed prayers of 15 years but I am struggling with this.

When I first decided I wanted to be a Muslim it was because I met nice Muslims, caring and this was in another country than my own! Then I started learning but got confused by things on the internet and sects of Islam as well.

My biggest struggle has been trying to want to be perfect right away and not knowing what to do with my spare time. I feel lonely like an outsider because my family is Muslim but not seeking with the speed I am and I made mistakes when I was a Salafi and arrogant which pushed people away from me.

I experience chronic health conditions as well which also isolates me so yes I am also an internet/at home Muslim. I also struggled with being taken advantage of since my Dad is hardly a wali. He has no care about the role and I have been hurt severely due to his neglect. Luckily I am learning Hanafi madhab rules atm and we can pray even laying down so I have done this as well.

I struggle financially of course because pre Islam I wasn’t ethical with money and was able to do anything I wanted without being accountable.

I also struggle with hijab and feeling like a third class citizen. I feel I have lost social standing but I have gained nearness to Allah and gratitude and feeling good in my heart. I feel like I am getting stronger as a person through my belief in Allah’s mercy as well (since people are hard on us while he is so forgiving!)

I struggle with my nafs as well and intentions so slowing down I have to do. Its been a great year, I will miss the iman rush!

Assalamu alaykum, dear brothers and sisters.

Brother Lincoln, I pray that God facilitates you the understanding of Islam and removes hardships of your path. I’m a convert myself and even though I didn’t go through what you go through, I sympathise with your struggles.
I don’t know where you live, but when I lived in Canada (where I converted), there was a translation of the Quran that came with very useful footnotes and helped me have a better grasp of what the content really meant – and when I didn’t understand something or when these footnotes had content that seemed a bit off, I had a better chance of formulating my questions and getting some answers. On the cover of this print it is said “Translations of the meaning of The Noble Qur’an in the English language by Dr. Muhammad Taqi-ud-Din Al-Hilâlî and Dr. Muhammad Mushsin Khan”.
Regarding you avoiding the mosque with the intent of avoiding conflict and more headaches, I’d say that since you’ve been a muslim for so little time, it is ok to search for a peace of mind so that you can focus on building your relationship with God. But I ask you please not to give up the idea of going to the mosque. Being away from the mosque will not only cut you out of your community (that definitely makes mistakes, but end up becoming your muslim family, so to speak), but also from valuable knowledge and information that can take you further in faith.
But while you’re not ready to do it, there are plenty of online resources which are reliable (including this website) and even have series of classes/lectures for new muslims. I’d recommend that aside from Virtual Mosque, you check out the websites for the Seekers Hub and the Zaytuna College. For Arabic learning, try Studio Arabiya. God willing, they will be beneficial to you.
I can only imagine the frustration you must have when you want to prone while praying. All I can say to you is that God has decreed this life of ours to us. And if He did so, He did it for a reason – and it was not to discourage you. Continue to take gladly the facilitations in the practice of the religion, that God has blessed us with: enjoy Ramadan even when not fasting by feeding the poor/doing extra charity and continue to be a practicing muslim even though your body may be discouraging you.
May God guide us all. Ameen!
Ma salama,

Some of what would have been difficult Allah removed in a hard way. My mom died two years ago, and even though I miss her so much, her death gave me a lot of room to question the directions my own life had been taking. (I’m 40 right now). I realized how very unhappy I’d been in Christianity, and that Islam had always pulled at me since high school, when I first began reading the teachings of the Nation of Islam.

The other hurdle that was removed was that I have several chronic health problems. A lot of my friends who had said I could rely on them have dropped away over the years, not that willing to help. So when I read that the Quran and Islam encourages Muslims to help other Muslims with disabilities or having health challenges, I didn’t jump for joy. 🙂 People are people, no matter their deen.

Here’s what has still been difficult:

1) I have a service dog, so I decided to not go to masjid. Even though I know it will cut me off from a lot of local community. I also know that there have been fatwa that put service dogs in the same category as working dogs, so they are not haraam. But honestly, I deal with people in stores and on streets sometimes challenging me about my dog and our right to be there. I don’t have any emotional energy for dealing with these same issues somewhere I’m supposed to be focusing on Allah. Not worth it.

2) My dad. I love him, but this is another thing we don’t meet up about. We also don’t have the same opinions about what “real men” do or how men should act. We live on opposite sides of the country, and even though he’s my only living parent now and I miss him a lot, sometimes distance is a good thing.

3) Understanding the way the Quran is divided up for studying, and also what all these other references are. But I’ve only been a Muslim for 3 months, so eventually I’m sure it’ll make sense. And I remind myself that the chapter and verse numbering system for the Bible was a more recent (relatively speaking) add on anyway.

4) My health and life issues constantly requiring adjustments to my deen. I can’t pray prone because doing it for more than one day makes my feet go completely numb. Which makes me more likely to fall and injure myself. That could mean a hospital trip…or at least 2 or 3 days unable to do much besides lay down. And I hate it because prone before Allah feels so good for my soul. I can’t fast for Ramadan either. There are other things…so not only am I trying to learn a whole new faith, but am always working to make it “disability friendly”.

But I am so happy. My wife comments on the positive change..so much so that she is even trying out some behavior fasting for Ramadan. We’re slowly exploring some halal foods this month as well. My dog’s afternoon nap “music” is Quran chanting instead of the Youtube relax my dog sounds we’d been listening to.

*sigh* Frustrations mount sometimes, but I try to keep in mind that there’s a lot more here.

living behind what I call the plexiglass curtain of gender separation because I had more male (Muslim) friends/colleagues before converting and then I put a hijab on and out of respect they stopped looking me in the eye and our relationships changed (Brother, are you mad at me?) And yet, again, every culture and age group of male Muslims will treat me differently, (I’m old and married) so again I have to learn to flex, especially with males I didn’t know before I converted. Found it best to just keep my mouth quiet. 🙂

attending the “Ummah is in distress/in need of Allah swt” lectures/halakas or what I call the “we suck” lectures and thinking, “wait a minute, I don’t suck, I just converted—I am sooo happy”.

staying on the straight path, in the middle. Alhamduliliah.

2. The marriage issue: Having had to cut myself off from the rest of the world, due to the desire to avoid zina, etc. and not knowing how to approach any Muslimah in an halal manner, I’ve inevitably mucked things up with one I felt had so many of the qualities I’ve sought. And this after I met her at the wrong time. I’ve still to learn so much about the deen and put it into practice…plus get myself financially indpendent, etc. At 24, it seriously feels too late…looks like bachelorhood for me. And this is probalby the one thing that would truly break my faith at this point (been through most of the rest and I’m still here, lol). The lack of any possibility of sharing my life with someone who has the same faith as me, just makes all my efforts at bettering myself seem pointless. Besides, it truly feels like my parents (who wanted me to be a non-Muslim), decided this one for me a long time ago…

3. Getting harassed by random brothers for following a madhab, especially the Maliki one at that (traditionally followed by my family).

4. Being one of the only two Muslims in my town, with the nearest masjid 1-2 hrs. away.

Other than that, I’ve faced and gotten over the rest, so far that is, lol…

1. Telling my family.

2. Finding supportive sisters (I always thought this was going to be the easy part!) SubhanAllah when you walk up to a sister and ask them for a little help, they’re like OK, and when you actually contact them, they always have better things to do! I mean SobhanAllah, this can turn off potential future muslims! This really makes me angry, and we should all feel the same because this really has to change! Alhamdulilah that didn’t make me lose my interest in Islam but come on, this is an O-BLI-GA-TION, it’s not like, ‘I’ll do it when I have time’, helping someone who wants to enter the religion should be a PRIORITY. On a side note, people probably don’t even realize the hassanat they can get by doing so… And it’s even more so important to help the converts because once they have told their family (which they usually do right away), they have NO-ONE, they are all alone, they lose old non-muslim friends, family support, society is against them (if they wear hijab) so this feeling of loneliness might turn them off. To avoid this, muslims should constantly be aware of who is asking questions about islam, who is interested, who has muslim potential, who converted, etc… I know it’s not always easy to figure, but What could possibly be worse than a brother/sister leaving Islam because the community didn’t support them (or because you didn’t make an effort to help them on this journey)?

3. Also, some muslims (and I totally understand) assume that because you look middle-eastern (and actually ARE middle-eastern) you have to be a muslim. Well, that’s not true. If you tell them you’re a convert, they don’t take you seriously and assume you already know how to pray, behave in a masjid, and every other aspect of our faith.

So these were/are the most difficult aspects of my conversion to Islam 🙂

May Allah subhana wa ta’ala give strength to the converts all around the world and make them become good muslims. Amin.

wasalamu ‘aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh