Originally posted May 2012

The Qur’an Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

I was not a conscientious Muslim. As I entered my freshman year of high school, I had one very specific goal which I was determined to accomplish: to become popular. “Piety” was not consistent with this goal – at least not in my perspective. It was for this reason that I expressed disdain when my dad announced we would be undertaking the religious journey to Mecca in the summer following my freshman year of high school. I recall telling a friend, “Man, I’m scared. I don’t want to change!” I knew people went to Mecca and then became super religious. I didn’t want that to happen to me.

Mecca

As we entered the Grand Mosque, my dad told my mom, my brother, and me to keep our eyes down until we reached the opening of the Masjid, until we were in a space which would allow for our first glimpse of the House of Allah, the Ka’ba, to be in our full view. As we walked through the halls of the Grand Mosque, I heard my mom and dad crying. I knew this was supposed to be a spiritual experience. I could see that they were going through something incredible, but I felt nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. Finally, we approached steps which led to a great opening. At this point, my dad instructed, “Look up.”

ALLAH! In that moment, my vision was suddenly filled with the beloved Ka’ba. As if awakened from the dead, as if beating for the first time, my heart was immediately gripped indescribably. It suddenly filled with this unexplainable, fully tangible presence of the Creator of the Universe. I began to bawl; I was struck with the realization that this feeling, this closeness to God, could only happen because He truly exists. I began to regret all I had done and all the time I had wasted; I began circumambulating the Ka’ba, weeping, begging Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) to forgive me.

When we returned to America, I had difficulty maintaining my spiritual awakening. I decided that I would begin to read the Qur’an. I reasoned that I could watch hours of television a day and so, at the very least, I had an obligation to read at least five pages a day. I hadn’t touched the Qur’an in years. I’m not Arab, I was not raised knowing Arabic; I had just learnt how to read the letters when joined together when I was really young, like many Muslim children. I hadn’t practiced reading Arabic in so many years that I was painfully slow at it; reading five pages easily turned into an hour ordeal, if not longer. I didn’t understand anything I read, but I kept trying.

One day, my mom passed by my room and suggested, “Maryam, why don’t you read it in English? At least then you’ll understand what you’re reading.” To me, this was a lucrative suggestion; I was a really fast reader in English. If I read half the page in English and half of it in Arabic, it’d take much less time to get through five pages a day.

I began and I transformed. Reading the Qur’an in English and being able to come to an understanding of what its message conveyed captivated me. I began to change internally and it slowly took hold of my external being; my thoughts, my intentions, my actions… I slowly began to internalize a conscientiousness that revolutionized my life. I was mesmerized by the Qur’an and it was then that I decided I would undertake memorizing it.

It took me over seven years to memorize the Qur’an. In the time span that I spent memorizing, I had other responsibilities simultaneously. I was either studying or working full time (or a combination of both), I was the president or lead figure of an organization or community work, and I had familial responsibilities. The only time I was able to focus almost completely on the Qur’an was when I moved to Egypt for eleven months, in which I dedicated about two hours a day to memorization while I also studied Arabic and did Arabic homework for about seven hours of the day. However, the majority of the memorization occurred in America, amidst a crazy schedule. I memorized while I had to take care of life responsibilities; you, too, can memorize while taking care of business.

10 Tips for Serious Seekers of the Qur’an

1. Realize the Reason, Know Allah is Your Guide
   • Why memorize the Qur’an? Because it will give you a constant, incredible, and personally special relationship with The Creator, with The Sustainer, with The One Who has power over all things.
     • You want the best of both worlds? It’s through the Qur’an. It’s through memorizing, understanding, loving and most importantly, living it. When one is sincere about memorizing it, one needs to be completely aware of the heavy responsibility and glorified honor of living as Allah’s servant and carrying His words in their hearts. This must translate into their actions. The key: Sincerity.
   • Make the Intention to Invest in Your Akhira (Hereafter)
     • The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) taught us,  ‘The Qur’aan will meet its companion on the Day of Resurrection when his grave is opened for him, in the form of a pale man. It will say to him, ‘Do you recognize me?’ He will say: ‘I do not recognize you.’ It will say: ‘I am your companion the Qur’aan, who kept you thirsty on hot days and kept you awake at night. Every merchant benefits from his business and today you will benefit from your good deeds.’ He will be given dominion in his right hand and eternity in his left, and there will be placed on his head a crown of dignity, and his parents will be clothed with priceless garments the like of which have never been seen in this world. They will say: ‘Why have we been clothed with this?’ It will be said: ‘Because your son used to recite Qur’aan.’ Then it will be said to him: ‘Recite and ascend in the degrees of Paradise,’ and he will continue to ascend so long as he recites, either at a fast pace or a slow pace.’ [Ahmad, Ibn Majah]
   • Know that Allah is with You
     • Allah Most High says in a Hadith Qudsi (record containing the words of God), “When my servant takes one step towards Me, I take ten steps towards him. When my servant comes walking towards me, I come running towards him.” Recognize that you are not alone; that it is the One Who revealed these words Who will help you learn and retain them. The struggle must begin with the servant, but the Lord is the One Who will continually open the way and aid you through the struggle.
2. When it’s Hard, There is Twice the Reward
   • Wait, what? You don’t understand Arabic? Wait, what? You aren’t Arab? Wait, you’re Arab, but your tajweed (rules of recitation/pronunciation) is really off?
     • For you, the Prophet ﷺ has shared words of encouragement, “Such a person who recites the Qur’an and masters it by heart, will be with the noble righteous scribes (in Heaven). And such a person exerts himself to learn the Qur’an by heart, and recites it with great difficulty, will have a double reward,” (Muslim).
3. Start Correctly and Use Technology
   • Find a Teacher or Qur’an Buddy, Learn tajweedand Work Consistently
     • When I first decided I would commit to memorizing, I found a teacher and told her I was ready. But I had never studied tajweed and my recitation was completely incorrect! She asked me, “Do you want to memorize, or do you want to memorize correctly? There is no point in memorizing it wrong and then having to go back and do it all over again.”
     • The most difficult test I came across with memorizing the Qur’an was not being able to find a consistent teacher. This sometimes led to many months of not memorizing anything and only working on review. When I didn’t find a teacher, I turned to friends who could help me with my tajweed and we became Qur’an buddies. On campus, over the phone, in cars in random parking lots, in-between running from one meeting to another, we would recite to one another and we would keep each other in check until we were able to find teachers. A teacher (or if you can’t find one, a Qur’an buddy) is CRITICAL to progress with the Qur’an.
     • One of the best things that has ever happened to me in my entire life, all praise and thanks be to God, was being blessed with the Qur’an teacher that helped me so immensely through my memorization: Shaykh Moheb. I learned love for the Qur’an, commitment to the Qur’an, a life of gratitude and incredible contentment because of the Qur’an and a balanced perspective through the Qur’an from him. Seeing I was not Arab and was trying to memorize the Qur’an correctly, he took it upon himself to see me through it. May God bless his family in both worlds. I made du`a’ (supplication)(fervently) for a teacher like this for many years and was blessed with more than for what I made du`a’, but it took patience and continual struggle until I was rewarded with a teacher of such caliber. Seek the best teacher you can find and if they are not there, keep making du`a’ for one and work through other avenues.
     • Use technology to assist you; to help practice your tajweed and help you memorize, there are a number of resources dedicated to those who want to memorize the Qur’an. If you have ever used one, please feel free to share what has worked for you!
4. Date the Qu’ran
   • When I was MSA President in college, I had many responsibilities added to my academic, work, volunteer, knowledge, and familial obligations. However, everyday, I made a special date with the Qur’an that no one could touch. My phone was away, my email was gone – I was booked for that time period and it didn’t matter how huge of an event I needed to prepare for the next day. Just as we make time for people, work and classes, we need to schedule in time to meet up with the Qur’an and strive to show it that we’re sincere and serious about a long-term relationship.
5. The Qur’an is Where the Party’s At
   • Sometimes, memorizing the Qur’an means denying invitations to social gatherings. Don’t get me wrong; it is ESSENTIAL for one’s spiritual and emotional well-being to be balanced and have social connections and relationships regularly. However, there will be times when the portion that must be memorized is going to take more time and that means leaving early from or not being able to make it to the party. These are sacrifices we make for Allah (swt) and the Qur’an and He replaces them with better if we pay attention.
6. Make Du`a’Constantly
   • In every prayer, in every moment of prostration, between every athan (call to prayer) and iqama (call to begin prayer), ask God to make us of the Ahlul Qur’an (the people of the Qur’an), those whom the Prophet ﷺ taught, “The people of the Qur’an are the people of Allah and His special servants,” (An-Nisa’i). Realize you are not alone. There are some du`a’ I began making seven years ago and they only have started to manifest six or seven years after I started making them rigorously. There will be times one might want to give up, one might feel like there’s no progress, one might feel like everyone else is finishing so quickly, so easily, and that nothing is clicking. Wait. Be patient. Keep working and keep making du`a’. Soon, everything will open because of your sincerity , work and du`a’ and when it does, every second of the struggle is so much sweeter and so much more worth it.
7. Trade a Mushaf (Qur’an) with Someone and Understand What You’re Memorizing
   • When starting, find someone else who wants to begin and give them a mushaf (written Qur’an) and ask them to give you one as well. This way, every time they or you work on memorizing, you’re both receiving incredible rewardsfrom each other’s memorization.
   • It can be more difficult to memorize if one has no clue what the meaning of the verses are. If one does not understand the language of the Qur’an, make sure to also keep a translation close by to read from it to contextualize the verses and pick up on the meaning.
8. Do Good Deeds “For the Sake of the Qur’an”
   • When one experiences extra difficulty in memorizing or has just finished a great portion, give some small financial or action-based charity and ask Allah (swt) to accept it for the Qur’an; ask Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala fervently for tawfiq (success), for sincerity, and for a love life with His Words.
   • The Qur’an is special and it does not “need” us. We need the Qur’an to guide us and to enrich our lives. The Qur`an isn’t going to just come to anyone who attempts to memorize it, then leaves it, then attempts it, then leaves it. It also doesn’t just easily lend itself to individuals who knowingly commit sins and persist in those sins without regret and without seeking to change. As one Shaykh taught, “The Qur’an is Aziz (dear, noble, venerated). If you don’t want to be with it or memorize it, then it’s not going to ‘wait around’ for you.” You want to be special to the Qur’an? Work for it through your righteous actions when you’re not working with it directly.
9. Honor One’s Parents
   • As I learned from an anecdote shared by Imam Suhaib Webb, the pleasure of one’s parents incredibly aids in easing the memorization of the Qur`an. The more one wants to memorize, the more one should increase in treating their parents with dignity, respect and appreciation through words, through actions and through merciful companionship. (Thank you Mom and Dad!!)
10. The Qur’an Should Spark an Internal Revolution
    • Even more important than memorizing the Qur’an is allowing it catalyze one’s transformation. If one’s character is not reforming and improving, there’s a serious problem. Check your heart from the start and keep checking it; one’s actions should become more balanced and stronger in quality when interacting with the Qur’an.

Many people feel facing the challenge of memorizing the Qur`an is too difficult of a task. They may have tried it and given up, dabbled in it and lost focus or drive or simply refused to consider the idea because they feel it insurmountable. Think of memorizing the Qur`an like lifting weights. For a person who has never worked out and who desires the health benefits of increasing their strength, they may begin with just a few pounds. As they continue, the amounts they began with will feel insignificant in comparison to the heavy amounts they are now able to lift.

Similarly, beginning the memorization of the Qur’an seems difficult. One verse, two verses, may take a long time to memorize correctly; getting the pronunciation down perfectly may take years, remembering the order of the words may be a frustrating task. However, when one commits to it and makes it a part of their daily responsibilities, it becomes easier and easier. The two verses that took an hour to memorize will turn into the memorization of one entire page in fifteen minutes.

The Qur’an is easy and The One Who revealed the Qur`an tells us, “And We have certainly made the Qur’an easy for remembrance, so is there any who will remember?” (Qur`an, 54:17). It just takes dedication, commitment and time. Even if it takes you, as it took me, seven years, ten years, fifteen years, imagine being able to say, “I had a seven-year memorization relationship with the Qur’an and the quality of my life improved in every second. Now that I’m finished, an incredibly exciting chapter of our long-term, eternal relationship is about to begin!”

We all seek for our hearts to be in a state of contentment, tranquility and ease. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala tells us, “Those who believe, and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest,” (Qur‘an, 13: 28).

The best form of remembrance is that of the Qur`an. Will you allow your heart to find rest through it?

anchor.fm/faithspacemj

On one Friday, he was suddenly hit by a novel idea. “Why don’t I just try Friday prayer today? Just to see what it’s like? I’ll just try it,” the man thought. He came in late to the masjid; The Khatib (speaker) was already speaking. As the man was looking for a place to sit, he heard the words of the Khatib, “The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) has told us:

كلمتان خفيفتان على اللسان ، ثقيلتان في الميزان، حبيبتان إلى الرحمن: سبحان الله وبحمده، سبحان الله العظيم

“Two words are light on the tongue, heavy in the balance, beloved to the Merciful: ‘Glory be to Allah and by His praise. Glory be to Allah, the Immense.’” (Bukhari)

The man, preoccupied with having just entered and finding a place to sit, only heard a few of the Khatib’s words. He sat, perplexed, turning the fragmented words over and over in his mind, “Kalimatan (two words)… habibatan (both beloved)… ila-Rahman (to The Merciful)… Subhan Allahi wa bihamdi (Glory be to Allah and by His praise)… Subhan Allah il-`atheem (Glory be to Allah, the Immense).” He had lost complete focus on the rest of the khutbah (sermon), overtaken by these words he had heard in passing, working hard to make sense of what the words could possibly mean.

After the prayer, he approached the Khatib directly. “Is all what you’ve said in the khutbah today true?” he questioned. Surprised, the Khatib responded, “I’ve said quite a bit in the khutbah today. To what specifically are you referring?” The man replied, “You said some words… Kalimatan… habibatan… ila–Rahman… Subhan Allahi wa bi hamdih, subhan Allah il-`atheem.”

The Khatib smiled in recognition. “Yes, those are in fact from a blessed hadith (narration) from The Truthful himself ﷺ. He told us:

 كلمتان خفيفتان على اللسان ، ثقيلتان في الميزان، حبيبتان إلى الرحمن: سبحان الله وبحمده، سبحان الله العظيم

“Two words are light on the tongue, heavy in the balance, beloved to the Merciful: ‘Glory be to Allah and by His praise. Glory be to Allah, the Immense.’” (Bukhari)

The man stood, overwhelmed, awestruck, in a daze. The words had penetrated through his heart and embraced his soul. Captivated, he continued to repeat the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ over and over to himself:

كلمتان خفيفتان على اللسان ، ثقيلتان في الميزان، حبيبتان إلى الرحمن: سبحان الله وبحمده، سبحان الله العظيم

“Two words are light on the tongue, heavy in the balance, beloved to the Merciful: ‘Glory be to Allah and by His praise. Glory be to Allah, the Immense.’”

He walked out of the masjid in a trance and left for his home. Upon entering, he gathered his wife and children. “Have you heard,” he began to tell them, “the words of the Prophet ﷺ? He has told us:

كلمتان خفيفتان على اللسان ، ثقيلتان في الميزان، حبيبتان إلى الرحمن: سبحان الله وبحمده، سبحان الله العظيم

“Two words are light on the tongue, heavy in the balance, beloved to the Merciful: ‘Glory be to Allah and by His praise. Glory be to Allah, the Immense.’”

From that moment, the man transformed. From his home, he would leave to work, from his work, he would go straight to the Masjid, and from the Masjid, he would immediately go back home to his wife and children. All the while, two words kept his lips moving and his tongue wet with remembrance, “Subhan Allahi wa bihamdi, Subhan Allah il-`atheem.”

Soon, his friends from the Hookah Café noticed his continued absence. They came to his apartment one day. “Where have you been?” they asked. “We haven’t seen you smokin’ hookah with us for a while.”

A beautiful, wistful look came over the man’s face. “Haven’t you heard?” He replied to his old crew from the café, “The Prophet ﷺ has told us:

كلمتان خفيفتان على اللسان ، ثقيلتان في الميزان، حبيبتان إلى الرحمن: سبحان الله وبحمده، سبحان الله العظيم

“Two words are light on the tongue, heavy in the balance, beloved to the Merciful: ‘Glory be to Allah and by His praise. Glory be to Allah, the Immense.’”

And this is how he spent his days; reminding his family, his friends, those in the masjid and those who passed by in the streets, about the beloved words to Allah, those heavy words on the scale, those words light on the tongue, “Subhan Allahi wa bihamdi, subhan Allah il-`atheem.” The man had gone from a person who never prayed, spent little time with family and frequented the house of hookah instead of the House of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), to a person who longed for Allah (swt), whose eyes were filled with tears, whose tongue, heart, and soul burned with the inscription:

كلمتان خفيفتان على اللسان ، ثقيلتان في الميزان، حبيبتان إلى الرحمن: سبحان الله وبحمده، سبحان الله العظيم

“Two words are light on the tongue, heavy in the balance, beloved to the Merciful: ‘Glory be to Allah and by His praise. Glory be to Allah, the Immense.’”

Soon, he fell ill. It had only been a few months since he had gone to the masjid, since he had first heard the beloved words of the Prophet ﷺ by the Khatib in a Jumu`ah (Friday) khutbah. He told his son to go and to ask the Masjid administration to call upon that very Khatib to come visit him in his illness.

When he was informed, the Khatib remembered the man immediately and rushed to his apartment. Upon being let in, he saw the man, sleeping in his bed, the doctor sitting at his side. The Khatib sat at the foot of the bed and waited for the man to awaken. Finally, the man stirred and he noticed, at the foot of his bed, the very Khatib who had related the beloved, noble words of the Prophet ﷺ.

The man looked at the Khatib. He then asked him, “Have you heard? The Prophet ﷺ has told us:

كلمتان خفيفتان على اللسان ، ثقيلتان في الميزان، حبيبتان إلى الرحمن: سبحان الله وبحمده، سبحان الله العظيم

“Two words are light on the tongue, heavy in the balance, beloved to the Merciful: ‘Glory be to Allah and by His praise. Glory be to Allah, the Immense.’”

With that, the man passed away.

The Khatib in this story is the teacher of my Arabic teacher. My Arabic teacher related this incident to me and continued to stress that it wasn’t a story from books of the past, it wasn’t a story coined to tug hearts, it was the true story of a man who was completely disconnected from Allah (swt), but to whom Allah (swt) gave a passing thought to enter the masjid, and who Allah (swt) blessed with hearing the words of the Prophet ﷺ at a time and in a way which truly impacted his soul and final actions in life.

My teacher then told me, “The Prophet ﷺ has said: ‘Convey from me, even if it’s just one ayah [verse]…’” (Bukhari).

We never know what word or action, done with a sincere intention, will truly be a means of impacting another person’s life to come back to Allah (swt).

Let’s stop judging people; let’s stop driving people out of mosques because “we” deem their dress, their swagger, their accessories, or language as something “unsuitable” to the House of God. Let’s stop assuming they’ll never be guided to “our righteous path” (since we’re so righteous, we guided our own selves, right?) and thus resolve to harsh words or disapproving stares. Perhaps those who “we” think are far from Allah (swt) will pass in a more honorable, beloved state to the One Who guides.

Let us be the first to cling to the beloved words to Allah (swt), “Subhan Allahi wa bihamdih, subhan Allah il-`atheem,” and let us warmly, sincerely and smile-fully be a means of helping ourselves and others come back to Allah (swt)—with His Power and Mercy—through relating the beautiful words of Allah (swt) and His Prophet ﷺ, through action and speech. We never know what small, miniscule act, may be a means of guidance for ourselves and another, and a means of possibly entering jannatul firdose al `alaa bi ghayri hisaab—The Highest Paradise, without any reckoning.

May Allah (swt) bless this man’s soul. Subhan Allah—if he had died like any other person who knows about the obligation of prayer and lazily defies praying, we would never know his story—he’d just be another person who passed away in another country, a person we may have never even known existed..

But perhaps because of his repentance and his sincere coming back to Allah (swt), Allah has blessed us with coming to know of him—so that his actions will continue to be rewarded even while he’s in his grave, every single time any one of us, because of his story, even across the world, remember to say, “Subhan Allahi wa bihamdi, subhan Allah il-`atheem.”

What will you do—so sincerely—that Allah (swt) will bless people with being transformed because of you, even after you’ve passed on?

Photo: Matt Carman

Originally posted in 2007.

What do you think of when you see a Muslim doing something considered wrong?

Ever look down on them? Think you are better than them? It’s really easy to be self-righteous. It’s even easier to fall prey to this attitude if you sport the outer ‘righteous’ look.

But let’s ask ourselves this question: has Allah written us amongst His righteous servants? Or is that a title we have only given ourselves?

Check this:

I was once sitting at the da`wah (outreach) table on my college campus and a female student approached it. She asked if she could have a Qur’an, and of course, I was happy to give one to her. Then she said, “Can I ask you a question?”  The question sounded kind of deep, so I invited her to sit next to me on the empty chair. She took up the offer.

“Please don’t judge me,” she began. SubhanAllah (glory be to God)! The courage it must have taken for her to come and speak to me, for her to begin with that statement.

After reassuring her, how could I judge her? She began—

She told me that she was Muslim and she became involved in a relationship for the first time in her life with a Muslim guy. Her intention was for long term, but she felt so terrible doing it. She told me when she is with her boyfriend, she feels horrible, even though she thinks she is supposed to feel good. She told me that she knows that this is such a big sin, that she wants to stop, but that it is just so, so hard. And she asked me: Can Allah forgive me?

While this girl was speaking, I was looking at her thinking: look at the struggle she is going through for the sake of God. She hates what she is doing because she knows it’s something He would not be pleased with, she wants so much for God to forgive her, but it is so hard for her to leave what she knows she shouldn’t do.

Her desire to repent became so intense that she came to me, a girl she has never even seen before, who could easily judge her, and poured out her heart. She was so desperate in her wanting to know: Could Allah forgive her? Could He really forgive such a sin?

I told her—man, God is THE MOST MERCIFUL! He will forgive ANYTHING when you turn to Him! I kept telling her about God’s Mercy, about how He is so, so happy to accept the repentance of His creation.

We kept talking about how God must be pleased with her internal struggle because she clearly wants to gain His pleasure despite her difficulty. We looked at the Holy Hadith, where God talks about us and says:

“O child of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O child of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O child of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.” (Ahmad)

She was overwhelmed with emotion. I then shared with her a supplication that, if said with firm belief in the morning or evening, and if death happens on that day or night, the person who said it would be amongst the people of Paradise.

The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon us) taught us the chief supplication (sayyidul istighfaar) of asking for forgiveness as follows:

اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ رَبِّي لا إِلَهَ إِلا أَنْتَ خَلَقْتَنِي وَأَنَا عَبْدُكَ وَأَنَا عَلَى عَهْدِكَ وَوَعْدِكَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا صَنَعْتُ أَبُوءُ لَكَ بِنِعْمَتِكَ عَلَيَّ وَأَبُوءُ لَكَ بِذَنْبِي فَاغْفِرْ لِي فَإِنَّهُ لا يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلا أَنْتَ

Allahumma anta rabbi, la ilaha illa anta, khalaqtani wa ana abduka [if you’re a male]/amatuk [if you’re a female], wa ana ‘ala `ahdika wa wa`dika mastata`tu. A`udhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu, abu’u laka bini`matika ‘alaiya, wa abu’u laka bidhanbi, faghfirli, fainnahu la yaghfiru adhdhunuba illa ant.

O Allah! You are my Lord! None has the right to be worshipped but You. You created me and I am Your slave, and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise as much as I can. I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done. I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me, and I confess to You all my sins. So I entreat You to forgive my sins, for nobody can forgive sins except You. (Bukhari)

And of course, the most intimate way of feeling close to Allah is to come to Him, from the depths of one’s heart, in the language easiest for oneself, with the words coming from one’s own soul, asking for His forgiveness.

Reflect

I want you to go back to your original answer when I first posed the question. What would you be thinking of someone you see doing something you feel is wrong?

Yes, in that moment, that person might be outwardly sinning if that is what they are doing, but perhaps internally they are struggling and fighting every time they commit the sin, and are continually seeking to turn back to God. Perhaps in some people’s eyes, this person is a ‘sinner’ (and who amongst us is not?). But perhaps in the Sight of Allah, they are more beloved to Him because of their sincere struggle, than those of us who can easily fall into feeling arrogant about our Islamic activism, our Islamic appearance, or our ‘hard-core’ connection with Rabb il`alameen  (the Lord of the Worlds). We need to be careful. Are we really connected? Am I really connected?

And don’t get me wrong: the struggle of those who are trying to stay upright and please God Almighty is a weighty, honorable and noble one.

But for those of us who might have ‘been there’ and left it, and then feel arrogant that we’re no longer involved in the “ways of the sinners,” and perhaps even might feel better than others because we’re so pure and special, then my advice to myself is what Omar  radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) advised, “Take account of yourselves before you are audited.”

Or in the words of Ice Cube, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

If that feeling of, “I’m better than thou,” creeps up on you while comparing yourself to someone else, consider the following:

1. Consider the saying, “Some saints have a past and many sinners have a future.” 

Being a ‘saint’ isn’t guaranteed for any one person for a lifetime. But the path to God’s forgiveness is always open and especially tailored just for the one who makes a mistake and regrets it and seeks to change, even if it’s over and over and over.

2. Think about our sins and shortcomings.

Oh, wait, can’t think of any? If we can’t, we’ve been deceived by Satan and are in an even worse state than any of those whose blatant sins we perceive.

3. Remember the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “No one with the slightest particle of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise.” (Bukhari)

Sometimes the actions we see others engaged in may be sins, but may not be as serious as the problem of arrogance. In wanting others to act like they’re people of Paradise, let’s be careful not to make ourselves candidates to be barred from it. God protect us.

4. Ask ourselves: Is that person a parent?

If they are and we aren’t, they’re already light-years ahead of our game. If she’s a mom, Paradise is potentially below her feet. If they are a mom or dad, any good they taught their kid and their kid acts upon are rewards going straight back to them. How are we going to compare ourselves to that? If they are and we are, consider: what great work might their progeny do that may be because of one lesson that person taught them?

5. Remind ourselves: We have no idea what another person has gone through or where they’re really coming from.

How many people were physically beaten in order to make them pray, pressured into wearing hijab, or sexually abused by a “religious” individual? Our minute interactions with individuals are not a gateway to their backgrounds and past struggles. We don’t know the pain they’re working through. And sometimes, due to those very painful experiences, people leave the practice of Islam or leave Islam completely. But then they sometimes choose to come back. And when they do, it will take time. They have to work through their emotions, the toxic relationships which originally caused the schism they experienced with Islam and the difficulty in finding a niche in a community after leaving it for some time. And all of that is jihad. Everyday they are waging internal battles.

What they go through cannot quite be compared with the young man or woman who was raised in a supportively religious household, who was a part of a nurturing mosque community, who was put in Islamic school since kindergarten and taken to Qur’an classes everyday. A twenty-year-old hafith (one who has memorized the entire Qur’an by heart) might be impressive and may God bless them and He has raised their status in a special way. But they may not necessarily be closer to God or earning more rewards from God than the struggling servant who has dealt with incredible hardship and is struggling to come back.

So, what can we do when that ‘holier than thou’ feeling creeps in?

Think: Omar, may God be pleased with him, used to be a hostile Islamophobe who would beat his servant for her belief in God. Now, he is known to us as one of those promised Paradise by the Prophet ﷺ himself. Would he have been our role model if we knew him before Islam? Maybe not. But look who he became. You know why? Because, by God’s guidance and mercy, he had a teacher and a community who helped him reach his full potential.

That’s what we need to be for others and allow others to be for us. Be a loving mentor. Be a supportive friend. Be an encouraging counselor. Be a shoulder to cry and lean on. Your awesome love for Islam and “Muslimness” will be communicated simply through your actions of being there for others in an uplifting, genuine way. If applicable, when someone is ready, that person will ask you about Islam and seek your help in becoming the best Muslim they can be, God willing. Or perhaps they’ll be more open to listening to your sincere, gentle advice on something you’re truly concerned about because of your love for them. This perspective does not mean we do not advise others when we’re concerned for them, it simply means we do so while withholding judgment and in a methodically wise way.

Be like the Prophet ﷺ. Engulf your heart so deeply in caring for people’s happiness in both worlds that it simply does not have space for judgment or arrogance. And perhaps, because of your sincere acceptance of another, you’ll soon find that very person being a means of guidance for your own self.

With all the negativity towards our Muslim community today, my first reaction was that she might not be comfortable with my hijab-ed clothing. Maybe she hadn’t had a good experience with Muslims. Maybe she had been watching scary news stories and thought that we were all the same. Maybe she thought I was oppressed and controlled.

It took me a few seconds to realize that I was stereotyping what might be going on in her mind, just as I feared she might be doing about me.

I turned towards her and introduced myself. She was hesitant, but slowly returned my conversation.

As we finally got to the question of where each of us was heading, she told me, “I’m going to my cousin’s funeral. She was my best friend.”

I was ashamed of my initial thoughts. Here I was, so self-absorbed that I assumed her trepidation was because of my dress. In reality, she was hurting; in pain, in loss, trying to piece together how to move forward without her best friend.

We hugged tightly as she left the train. We asked God to give her family strength through this difficult time. Had I chosen to assume that her hesitation was about me and left it at that, I would have lost an incredible opportunity for my heart to connect with hers.

Many times, we worry and sometimes assume that people will judge us and we interpret their actions within that perspective. But all of us are dealing with our own struggles and pain, and many of us could use that extra hug, prayer or positive vibe that comes from letting your guard down enough to realize that the judgments we think others are making of us are – sometimes – worse in our own heads.

“Make things easy and convenient and do not make them harsh and difficult. Give cheer and glad tidings and do not create hatred.” Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) [Bukhari]

Part I | Part II

Before I got married, I was given unsolicited advice on how to change in order to make myself “more appealing” to men. Sisters would voluntarily tell me I should change my dress style, personality and passion for activism in order not to scare them away.

I was frustrated. Since when was our purpose in life marriage? Where in the Qur’an does Allah The Provider—The One Who has written our provision in every aspect of our lives—ask us to change our personalities and tone down our activism in hopes of sacking a spouse? Why would I want to change myself to please someone else and marry someone who doesn’t actually appreciate who I truly am in the first place?

Nevertheless, with marriage being such a huge concern for our community, many face the temptation to change who they are and their core values for the sake of finding a spouse.

Here’s an idea: Instead of working to please a potential suitor, perhaps we should first seek to please Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), the One Who sows the seed of love in our hearts and can bless us with our dream husband or dream wife or give us better than it if that’s what is best for us.

Thus, for those of us seeking to get married, in addition to looking for marriage at every event, let’s look for marriage in our relationship with Al Wahhab, The Giver of All. Let’s be honest. We are talking about the Al Mujeeb, The Responder to Prayer. Those are amongst the Names of Allah! Allah gives and He answers!

If we are individuals who struggle to lower our gaze and protect our eyes, heart, tongue and body from falling into what is forbidden, don’t we know that Allah `azza wa jall (the Might and Majestic) will indeed massively reward us?

Every time we glance up and see someone we wish we could be with and then turn away, in that moment we can fervently ask Allah (swt) to bless us with a spouse who will be the sweetness of our eyes. Would not Allah `azza wa jall listen to and accept your supplication to Him? The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) has encouraged us with regards to our dua (supplication), “Ask and you will be given, ask you will be given,” (at-Tirmithi).

In those moments in the last third of the night, in those two rakahs (units of prayer) which we make out of pure frustration of our situation, weeping, asking Allah (swt) to answer us—do we not think Allah rabul`alameen (Lord of the Worlds) will respond to us? How could Allah, The Responder, possibly not accept the supplication of His adamant worshipper who is painfully struggling to maintain his or her modesty and guard his or her chastity? Allahu Akbar (God is the Greatest), this is Allah! Without doubt Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala is going to answer us!

The Prophet ﷺ relates from Allah, the Lord of All the Worlds, in a hadith qudsi:

“Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth’s sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: ‘Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?’” (Bukhari)

What is hooking up with a brother or sister on Facebook worth if we’re not more adamant about  hooking up with the One Who can hook us up?

As Shaykh Muhammad Faqih once said, “Hook up with Allah, Allah will hook you up!”

Let’s hook up with salah (prayer)! Hook up with the Qur’an! Hook up with community work for Allah’s Sake! And have certainty that when we struggle to please Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, Allah, Ash-Shakoor, is the Most Appreciative of our work and will undoubtedly reward us.

Will that reward be in the form of an amazing spouse and an amazing marriage? Allah knows best. Perhaps it may and perhaps it may not. However, the best part is that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows what is BEST for us and regardless of the outcome, we’ll have increased in the closeness of our relationship to Him through this test.

The Prophet ﷺ has told us, “Any Muslim who supplicates to Allah in a du`a’ which contains no sin breaking of kinship, Allah will give him one of three things: either his du`a’ will be immediately answered or, it will be saved for him in the hereafter, or it will turn away an equivalent amount of evil (from him)…” (Ahmad).

Thus, we must know that if we hook up with Allah, we can trust that He will hook us up with whatever is best, whether it be an answer to exactly what we are asking for or something better than that for us. Allah got our backs! Who better to trust our future with than the One Who already knows it?

Easier said than done? Maybe. But what have we got to lose? If at the end of the day, we are only increasing in closeness to Allah (swt), we are finding our Qur’anic recitation increasing, we are finally tasting the sweetness of our salah, we’re making more fervent duaa than ever before—then, God willing, we will have gained more than a spouse if one gets married, and we would have gained much more than facebook “cruising for a spouse” time while we’re attempting to find our better half.

Those of us looking to get married must take the means necessary—meeting new people, getting involved with new organizations and projects, considering online options or singles’ events… We must take the means necessary for the outcome. But let us not forget that the One Who will facilitate the outcome should be on our minds, in our hearts and worshipped through our actions in more passionate, fervent ways than the time and effort we justifiably spend searching for our better halves.

And if marriage does not become a reality for whatever reason is best, then by focusing on increasing in our relationship with Allah (swt), we would have gained much, much more in both this life and the Next, God willing; a higher rank in the highest Paradise, an amazingly close relationship with our Creator and unparalleled new relationship with du`a’ (supplication) to the One Who always hears and responds.

The Lord of the Worlds speaks to us and tells us, “And when My slaves ask you concerning Me, then I am indeed near. I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me. So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright,” (Quran, 2:186).

We are coming to Allah with raja (hope), with a powerful combination of seeking Allah’s pleasure, striving to leave anything which may gain His displeasure and making a consistent effort to ask Him to open the best of ways for us. And with all of that, we’re putting our trust in Him that He will give us whatever is best. Of course Allah is listening and He will undoubtedly answer us.

As was once stated, “A person has never held certainty in Allah only for Allah to disappoint him or her. Never will Allah disappoint those with yaqeen (certainty), tawakkul (reliance) and husn al-dhann (good opinion) of Him.”

Hook up with Allah and Allah, the All Wise, will undoubtedly hook us up in the best of ways.

Many of us pray for the perfect spouse and imagine him or her being a certain way. Sometimes, what we pray for becomes most apparent in difficult times. In this account, a wife talks about the ways in which real life has helped her and her husband grow in their beautiful relationship.

Photo: Danna

“My husband and I are from two different worlds literally and figuratively, and the thing that binds us together the most is Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – exalted is He) and our undeniable faith in Him (swt). After looking in America for two years, I decided to marry someone from “back home,” i.e. Pakistan. When we first got married, we realized what a huge adjustment it would be for both of us. We had kids right away when he came. He went to school here and got his degree from here, and I supported him financially all during the time that I was a new mother and the only thing I wanted to do was raise my precious firstborn full-time.

Under such circumstances many marriages rightfully take a back seat and the relationship crumbles. We had many big fights over those first few years. Every time we fought I made du`a’ (supplication) to Allah (swt) to make it better, and He did. Our fights never lasted more than a day, and one of us always ended up saying sorry. We couldn’t go to sleep without making up. Throughout our good times and hard times I discovered that I married a very caring and generous man. I also discovered that I needed to accept him for who he was and that I had many bad qualities that needed to be worked out if I was going to stand in front of my Creator on the Day of Judgment. His love for me is shown in always hiding my faults in front of others, in picking flowers for me on the way home from the masjid, in taking care of the kids and giving me some time off, in cleaning up a messy house and in always sharing with me his day to day dealings at work or with his friends. As time has passed we have gotten closer and now I can’t imagine not having him in my life. The kids have really served to bond us together and it warms my heart when our eldest wants to pray because he sees his father praying. Alhamdullilah (praise be to God)!

My husband is not perfect and has many faults, but I know inside there is a light of goodness that gets dim at times and at times shines brightly, and I am committed to stand by him throughout all those times. I used to make du`a’ to Allah (swt) for a pious, kind, gentle husband and now that Allah (swt) has given me a slave of His to love, I must remain thankful, for if I am thankful He will give me more. We just celebrated our five-year wedding anniversary, and I look forward to spending many more with him insha’ Allah (God-willing).”

Photo: slimmer_jimmer

Glimpses of Marital Bliss: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV| Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII

We know about sappy love movies, where lovers have that star-dazed look in their eyes and are willing to do anything- anywhere- anytime- to be with their lover. Well, that does exist in Muslim marriages. And while the following narrative may not be possible for everyone because of time restrictions, every couple can do something special to go the extra mile and show their love.

And for those skeptics who may think this couple just got married yesterday and therefore are still head over heels for each other…. The writer mentioned they’ve been married for five years! May God increase their love with every day that passes!

Pay special attention to their conversation: He loves seeing her, and not only does she love to see him…she loves to see him because she knows Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), will be pleased with her and will reward her for making her husband happy.

Again, this little story does not have to be yours. But think: What can be your story?

“I don’t work on Tuesdays. I have the entire day to myself. My husband works an hour and a half away.

Every Tuesday, instead of sleeping in or whatever, I choose to drive out to my husband’s work and have lunch with him.

I love it because it means we spend more time together, alhamdulillah (praise be to God).

My husband sometimes feels bad that I have to drive so much just for lunch and says, ‘Don’t make it a necessity. Do it if you can. Of course, I look forward to Tuesdays because you come.’

To which I reply, ‘That’s it, that’s all I come for, because you look forward to it. Moreover, I get rewarded for making my husband happy.'”

*If you would like share sweet glimpses from your marriage with hopes of spreading awareness of positive relationships in the Muslim community, please email Maryam@VirtualMosque.com with a short narrative. Your submission may be featured anonymously in this mini-series of Glimpses of Marital Bliss.

Photo: Brandice Schnabel

Glimpses of Marital Bliss: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV| Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII

Every person has a different marriage experience and sometimes, it may turn sour. When words of divorce are spoken, it can often lead to incredibly painful emotions. In this narrative, a woman describes the way she grappled with her emotions through patience and prayer, and what she realized about her husband, and her marriage, in the end.

“Leave…Go away…I have no feelings towards you! I am just waiting for the right time to divorce you!”

These were the words my husband spoke to me which sliced through my heart like a dagger.

We had a beautiful relationship and two sweet kids… What made him say this? Yes, life was not all too smooth. There had been many hitches… but did that lead to this?! I was shattered, my world shrunk, my soul constricted.

A thousand thoughts crossed my mind, searching for reasons, wanting answers… What he had said didn’t sound good enough. I was not convinced and I was not leaving. Anyway he had just threatened it, not actually divorced me. I didn’t have to leave. It was still my choice, and I chose to stay.

Over the days, I would ponder what caused this indifference. Not finding any answers, I would cry myself to sleep.

Meanwhile he was distant, uncompromising, never ever glancing towards me, so lost in his own devices. In a different world.

Days turned to weeks then to months and then years. I held on, reproached him, approached him, pleaded, distanced myself, shut out all emotions, prayed, lived mechanically.

Slowly the answers tumbled out: “It’s not you, it’s me. I’m in deep trouble, something which I can’t even discuss, something from which there’s no way out, at least from where I see it… I want you to be safe, the kids to be safe and happy and live.”

In the dead of the night, turning in prayer to his Lord, he would plant a kiss on my forehead not knowing I was aware, awake, that his every waking moment would stir me. He wanted me there as much as he wanted me to go away. But he could not think of any better solution. He felt there was no way out. Where he was headed towards seemed to be a one-way road.

Then it dawned so clear—this was the truth behind the facade. He actually loved me, loved the kids more than I could even imagine. So much so that he was willing to separate himself from us for our safety, our happiness, our lives. He knew I would not leave him, not abandon him out of fear, and hence chose to distance me, separate me.

AlhamdulilLah (praise be to God) my Lord is He who has power over all things.

I stayed on, held on, du`a’ (prayer) kept me going. AlhamdulilLah I got to experience that unflinching love, that selfless love of my hubby. I did not know what a marriage was when I got married. From my better half, I learned that it was all about taking responsibility and putting family first, against all odds.”

*If you would like share sweet glimpses from your marriage with hopes of spreading awareness of positive relationships in the Muslim community, please email Maryam@VirtualMosque.com with a short narrative. Your submission may be featured anonymously in this mini-series of Glimpses of Marital Bliss.