The Love Letter

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sparkieblues/5134634701/Glimpses of Marital Bliss: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV Part V Part VI

By Anonymous

Many of us have taken someone in our lives for granted. Sometimes that person has caused us anguish, yet we underestimate how much we love them and how much we would miss them if they were no longer with us. A widow shares with us a glimpse of her marital bliss:

“A few years ago, my husband passed away. It was sudden and so unexpected. I was not ready for him to be gone so quickly. I still am not ready to be alone. We were married for over fifty years. How do you live with someone for fifty years and then move on from that, on your own?

Less than twenty-four hours before his death, we had spent the day by the beach, shopping together, eating out together, enjoying the beautiful weather together. We were blessed in our lives, even though things did not turn out the way I had expected. We did not always get along. Sometimes he did not want me to do the things I loved. Sometimes I felt like he was a barrier between me and my dreams. Sometimes I was angry at him. Sometimes I blamed him for what he stopped me from becoming.

But through the ups and downs, we were there for one another. It is comforting to know that there is someone who is always going to love you, to smile at you before you sleep, to tell you that he loves you after you are done arguing. To help you become a better person, even if it is a different person than the one you wanted to be.

My husband knew I am a cleaner. I like to take things out and dust them off and organize. Some time after he had passed, I was cleaning our home and thinking about him. I was reflecting on how I think he knew his time was coming. The month before he passed, he would watch the live prayers from Mecca for hours. He did not use to do that, but he suddenly craved it. He said it brought him peace. He said he wanted to visit Allah’s House, subhanahu wa ta`ala — exalted is He. Maybe Allah (swt) wanted him to visit Him instead. May Allah (swt) shower His mercy on him. As you read this, please take a moment to pray for him.

As I thought of him, of our memories, of our children, our grandchildren, the places we had visited, the sacrifices we had to make, the turmoil in our lives, the blessings we had together… I came across a paper, folded amongst the books I was organizing. I opened it and held my breath. It was in his handwriting.

“My love,

You mean so much to me. I love you.

–       Your husband”

I read it over and over, and I wept. He knew I would eventually see the note. Maybe he wrote it because he felt he would not be able to tell me in person sometime soon. Maybe Allah (swt) wanted to comfort me when He knew my longing was so intense.

I miss him so immensely. Yes, I did make sacrifices for him. And sometimes I was angry, depressed and resentful because of it. Sometimes I held on to my resentful feelings for years.

But if it took sacrificing everything I wanted in life just to spend one more day with him holding my hand, making me laugh, looking at me with love filling his eyes, humming in the shower, thanking me for dinner, hearing his voice speaking to our kids on the phone, or kissing me goodnight, I would do it. Just for one more day. He was worth it.”

*If you would like share sweet glimpses from your marriage with hopes of spreading awareness of positive relationships in the Muslim community, please email info@VirtualMosque.com with a short narrative. Your submission may be featured anonymously in this mini-series of Glimpses of Marital Bliss. 

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  • what a beautiful glimpse..
    May Allah reunite their hearts in the hereafter. May the rest of us be happy in our marriages. ameen

  • So beautiful. The little things in fact are the bigger blessings. May Allah bless them with an opportunity to be together again. Ameen :’)

  • I heard from shaikh Omar Abdelkafy that a believer knows a blessing when it’s present, but a transgressor once it’s gone.

    Many people, especially girls, I know share similar feelings with that widow. Like her, many girls I know blame their family for being the barrier between them and their dreams, their wanted spouse/occupation and so on. But we don’t even want to imagine the pain of losing any one of our family members.

    Loved the part: But if it took sacrificing everything I wanted in life just to spend one more day with him holding my hand, making me laugh, looking at me with love filling his eyes, humming in the shower, thanking me for dinner, hearing his voice speaking to our kids on the phone, or kissing me goodnight, I would do it. Just for one more day. He was worth it.”

    May Allah compensate her., and grant him forgiveness and Jannah.

    • Subhan Allah, Thank you Reader…

      …’A believer knows a blessing when its present, but a transgressor once it’s gone…

      I guess I’m one of those girls you are referring to.

      I had tremendous mixed feelings reading this letter. On the one hand, the letter was incredibly heartfelt, loving and poignant. She clearly tremendously misses him.

      On the other hand, the sacrifices she had to make are also clearly burned into her. They were incredibly difficult for her to bear. Indeed, may Allah give her much more than what she gave up.

      I do not know the specifics of her situation. However, her letter does remind me of many female relatives of mine: women of tremendous hearts who are expected to give up everything for their husbands and families: careers, interests, education, some even their very identities. Yet, most of them respond as this lady…they maybe angry, but they put up with it, and continue to love and support their husbands and families 100%.

      The inner strength and patience shown by these women are truly mind boggling. Yet, I can’t help but feel, is this what marriage is meant to be? Are we really supposed to give up, sacrifice everything?

      As compensation, is it worth it getting a companion who provides for our needs, who we have children with, who hugs us, kisses us (and more!), etc? But this companion doesn’t really understand what drives us, doesn’t really understand our dreams, but either doesn’t support us or actually prevents/forbids us from reaching what we feel is our best potential?

      This lady has clearly decided that yes, it was all worth it. But as an outside observer, a single Muslima, if placed in a similar situation, I’m not at all sure my answer would be the same.

      Maybe this is just ungratefulness, immaturity on my part.

      May Allah help us all…

      • I just want to clarify I realize that marriage entails sacrifices…but sacrifices need to be made by both sides. I get a sense that the lady feels that her sacrifices were greater than his (perhaps why she was resentful for years).

        Of course, the husband in this story may have also made tremendous sacrifices, which we do not know of.

        In any case, I get a sense that a supportive, collaborative, compromise approach was not used: an approach that says, ‘well, lets see how we can both solve this issue together…here is a suggestion for the short term, and lets continue to work on the long term…’

        Of course, Allah knows best.

  • Amazing…
    Its true that we dont realize the existence of a blessing until we lose it…I dont know why do we do this…Why are we thankless…See I read this article and realize everything but once we encounter any issue with any of our loved ones then wooo…
    I hope i could inculcate this realization in myself..
    May Allah bless us all with everything we desire genuinely…

  • Enjoy the little things in life… When they are gone, you’ll realize that they were actually big things…

  • What a sad touching story. May Allah(swt) make things easy for you and have mercy on your husband ameen. Every married couple argue, have disagreement, ideals clash etc. Its normal.

    As the saying goes, you dont know what you had till its gone..

  • “How do you live with someone for fifty years and then move on from that, on your own”

    Well written.

    Please listen to the song “I wanna grow old with you” by Westlife

  • I can totally relate with you as I have seen my own mother going through this. The day our father died and she had to take over the responsibility of 7 kids in a country other than her own. May Allah shower his Rehmah on your husband, you and all of the family. Ameen

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