Photo: midnightrook

By Anonymous

Every morning I wake up and wish I hadn’t.

The months, weeks and days pass with me wishing it’ll be the last, and yet there’s no end.

At nighttime I cry faintly into my pillow with tears streaming down my cheeks. I whimper in pain, attempting to suppress the sounds that leave my room; I don’t want my family to hear.

I whisper, “Oh Allah, I don’t want to live anymore. Oh Allah, please, I don’t want to live anymore.”

I feel broken. I feel alone. I feel empty inside. I am in pain and numb at the same time. Perhaps my pain is so much now that I can no longer distinguish it. It is a physical pain—a weight on my chest crushing my existence, crushing my hopes and dreams.

I pray five times a day, I make du`a’ (supplications), I say astaghfirullah (I ask forgiveness from Allah) throughout the day and read as much Qur’an as I can. But it’s hard. I have no motivation to keep going. I don’t know what I’m moving towards. My goals and hopes have all slowly faded away.

I am a façade of who I once was. I constantly lie about how I feel. I must keep up appearances. I smile and laugh when I must. I have to maintain relationships, or else the loneliness will only get worse. I would rather be in this dungeon that I’m in, alone; but my mind knows that the loneliness will only make it worse. I don’t want to unload the hurt I feel onto others. So, I fake a smile and try to converse with family and friends. It is tiring, but I do it. It is a part of living and for now I must live.

I don’t want to be a burden and I don’t want others to pity me.

I don’t pity myself. I am not ungrateful. I am thankful. I am thankful for all the blessings Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) has bestowed upon me. I do not complain to others. I try to complain only to Allah (swt). Yaqub `alayhi assalam (peace be upon him) endured the pain of being separated from his beloved Yusuf (as) for many years. Maryam (as) lay beneath a palm tree while in the throes of labor, wishing Allah (swt) had taken her life and spared her from those moments of despair. Musa (as), a fugitive from the land of Pharaoh, found himself without family, wealth, or possessions—he had nothing. Poor and desperate, all he was able to cry was “My Lord, I am in need of any good that you send me.”

So I complain to Allah (swt) of the pain and sadness I cannot explain. I keep asking, most times not knowing what to say. Just hoping and praying and wishing for salvation from this suffering.

I don’t know how to explain depression. How do I explain it to family and friends? I heard someone once describe depression as an ever-lingering constant sadness, even when everything in your life is going well.

It is a total loss of pleasure.

Nothing gives me pleasure anymore.

I’m so tired, yet no amount of sleep nourishes me. Eating has become work. Brushing my teeth, answering phone calls, replying to emails; simply existing has become tiresome. I know my pain is not physical to others, but my pain is real. I feel it in every moment. When I sleep, when I eat, when I laugh, when I cry, when I speak. My pain is hidden beneath it all.

No one wishes to be around someone filled with such overwhelming sadness and gloom. No one wants to hear how my mind aches every day, that I have given up my hopes and dreams or that I wish Allah (swt) would take my life quickly and subtly. My heart hurts every day. I wish I could take a hold of the heart within me, and sever it from my being. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like this. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel dead inside.

I think of death all the time. It plays in the background now. I have never understood suicide. But now I do. I wonder about taking my life. Maybe overdose on my medications. But there’s never enough to overdose on. Psychiatrists know suicide is always an option for the depressed, so they are careful when they medicate. When I am driving, I imagine what would happen if I made a slight abrupt turn into a tree. But maybe I wouldn’t die. Maybe I would find myself paralyzed and that would be a worse existence, for then I’d still be alive, but now a physical burden to my family. But the truth is, I am still too scared of Allah (swt) and the Hellfire to ever commit such a sin. I know suicide is not an option. Faith has limited me to only entertaining such an end, but never to commit to it.

I would never wish what I feel upon another human being. I have no energy or zest for life, and no one cares. The two or three people that know cannot empathize. They only offer support when I reach out to them, but I don’t want to be a burden. Can’t they reach out to me? Can’t they ask how I’m doing? Can’t they tell when I say, “Alhamdulillah (all praise be to Allah), I’m okay,” that I’m not okay? Can’t they put themselves in my shoes? I so desperately want someone to save me, yet I know only I can save myself. I can use the help of medication, of faith, of family, of friends, but only I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and hope to reach it one day.

But I could use some help.

People say: “Don’t worry, trust Allah.” “This is just a phase. You’ll get over this.” “Be thankful for your life. You’re not dying.”

But I feel like I am, why can’t they understand?

They may think depression is a first-world problem. Maybe it is; maybe not. I thought depression was something the weak-spirited suffered. I thought Allah (swt) was enough. I thought medications were simply a bandage. But I’ve realized, unfortunately too personally, that depression is not black and white. It is not something that one can wish away. It is a battle that only the strongest of will win. I know it will take me every fiber of my being to kill this silent lurking monster.

Even though no one sees the emotional pain and mental agony of depression; I am here to tell you, it is real. Whether it’s due to the loss of a loved one, a divorce, a bad test score or absolutely nothing you can put your finger on—it is real. And you cannot let it get worse. Whether you are the one suffering or someone around you is. We must notice the person who isn’t as cheery as they once were. We must notice the drastic behavior changes in the person we once knew. Notice physical changes: weight loss, weight gain, dark circles, lethargy, unexplained headaches, missed school days and work days.

Please, help someone around you who is suffering. Maybe they are suffering for unknown reasons; maybe it doesn’t make sense to you. Maybe they have been depressed for a couple of days or maybe they have been depressed for months. Whatever the case, if you can help- help.

We need to be there for our sister, our brother, our friend, our coworker, our daughter, our son, our student, our neighbor who is suffering. We need to help them. We must not let it get worse. We must not let them fall into an abyss of complete despair.

We must be forgiving for the missed phone calls and the broken promises and the little changes that make us question our relationship. Be forgiving. Be empathetic. Understand that in the fog of depression, human beings make bad decisions, say things they wish they hadn’t and do things they never would. The regret kills them from within. They are miserable, and they don’t know how to tell anyone. The smile they force hides a world of pain and despair. Notice the fake smile and the blank stares and ask, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” “Oh, I think I’m getting sick.” “Just a little stressed.” Don’t let these answers distract you. Say: “I’m here for you. If you’re going through anything at all, you can talk to me. Don’t forget that.”

Know that depression lies to the sufferer. It tells them: “You are worthless. The world would be better without you. You are a burden to your family. You are not smart enough. You are not religious enough. You are not beautiful/ handsome enough. You will never reach your goals. You are nothing and you are all alone.” This loneliness consumes the individual, completely paralyzing them.

Tell them they are not alone. Keep texting, keep calling, keep emailing. Just be there. Don’t let their indifference, or their excuses dissuade you. So many are suffering silently because they believe no one cares. But keep trying. It will make a difference. It will make all the difference. Everyone notices a broken leg but no one notices a broken spirit. Don’t be the person that lets months go by while a friend or an acquaintance falls deeper and deeper into his/ her depression.

And once they’ve revealed their “secret”, don’t leave them. Don’t forget them. Don’t let weeks pass by without checking up on them. And when you do reach out, don’t simply say: “It’s going to be okay. Just perk up. Be thankful. Don’t just sit around all day. Get out of bed. Call me whenever you need.” Though well-intentioned, this is not enough. Being there for a person who is depressed is mentally and emotionally draining. They will not call you. They will not be the first to reach out. They do not want to be a burden to you.

I do not want to be a burden to my family and friends. So I will not call and I may not reply until the third text. I know it’s selfish, but that’s what I need now. And I do not want someone to tell me to be thankful. I am already thankful. I pray to Allah (swt) every day, and spend hours thanking Him for what He has given me, in tears. And I ask Him to forgive me for feeling how I feel. I tell Him how hurt I am and how ungrateful I feel. I ask Him why I feel like this. I ask Him to help me. I know I can’t ask Him to take my life, so I ask Him what I’m allowed to: “Grant me life as long as it is good for me, and grant me death when it is better for me.” Always hoping the latter is what is better.

If we want to be pillars of support for those who are suffering, it will require effort. Over and over and over again.

I am writing this having suffered this overwhelming illness for about more than a year. I am okay today, so I am able to write this. Yesterday I was a mess, inconsolably crying filled with anxiety and despair. I am writing this because I want to tell you how I feel. And I want anyone suffering like me to know that there are others that are observant, struggling Muslims and that they feel the way you are feeling. And that you should see a psychiatrist, that you can take medication if that’s what you need right now, and that it is okay to tell the people who you love. And finally, always remember- even when people disappoint you, Allah (swt) will never. He is always there and He will always be there for you. If He has kept you breathing, He has a purpose for you, insha`Allah (by the will of God).

“…And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from an unexpected source. And when someone puts all his trust in Allah, He will be enough for him.” [Qur’an, 65:2-3]

May Allah (swt) cure you all of your illnesses, your distresses, your pains and grant you the best of healing. Ameen.

An excellent video to better understand depression:

Photo: Eric Hunt

Disclaimer: this post is not meant to explore the evil eye in and of itself, nor is it meant to provide any type of legal rulings or scholarly opinions regarding it. Instead, it’s simply meant to be a reflection and reminder to us all.

Although most of us have heard of the evil eye and maybe even stories of people being afflicted by it, we seem to act like it does not exist. Or maybe we have forgotten.

It’s funny – discussion surrounding the evil eye tends to involve either intense fear mongering, or mythical folklore mumbo jumbo. Yet, the Prophet ﷺ  (peace and blessings be upon him) so eloquently explained the evil eye – something very enormous and quite scary – in the simplest of ways:

It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amir bin Rabi’ah, from his father, that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “The evil eye is real.” (Sahih Darussalam)

It’s real, and there’s no denying that. Yet we live and act like it’s not.

For example, social media in particular has given people a glimpse through the windows of our lives. In a beautiful way, we are able to share pieces of ourselves with those close to us and that we care deeply for.

But many of us abuse this privilege. We use social media as (primarily) a leverage for showing off the best sides of ourselves. Our families, vacations, new purchases, promotions, religiosity, social lives – you name it. If it’s going to make us look good, we share it. Sometimes with the world.

I’ve recently been doing research and readings on modern day narcissism, voyeurism, social media, and the links to our mental well-being. Studies have shown that platforms like Facebook can lead to people feeling depressed or sad about themselves. A reason for this is because many people go through what’s been dubbed as Facebook Envy. Replace “Facebook” with any popular social media outlet, and we’ve got our hands on a problem that is very, very real.

I’m sure we’ve all felt a twinge of jealousy while scrolling through our newsfeeds and comparing the success of others to our mundane, boring, unaccomplished lives (which, by the way, are complete exaggerations). Let me say that jealousy is normal. It’s a human emotion that we shouldn’t hold on to but instead, observe and eventually let pass.

However, problems occur when we cling to this jealousy and allow it to fester. When it plants its roots into our minds and branches off into feelings of envy. A good litmus test for whether or not you are feeling envious is to ask yourself this: “Would I feel happy/satisfied if [insert person’s name] lost [insert thing you are envious of]?” If you answer yes, then something is severely wrong with your thought process, outlook on life and your heart. It may sound harsh, but it’s true.

So how does this relate to the evil eye? Simple: we put ourselves out there in ways that may promote envious feelings in others. Is it 100% our fault? Of course not. Someone who is a firm believer in the qadr (predestination, divine will) of Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), and who is grateful for their own blessings won’t harbor ill feelings towards what they perceive to be your amazing life.

But, we certainly play a big role. Ask yourself: “how do I present myself to others”? Let’s use social media as an example:

• Do you use social media to brag, show off, or make yourself feel better?
• Is there a (large) gap between your online persona and your real-life one?
• Do you compete for the most shares, likes, views, etc?
• Does being popular make you feel better about yourself?
• When people don’t give you the attention that you are looking for, do you feel worse about yourself?

If you answered “yes” to even one of these questions, then I recommend looking inwards and reassessing your intention whenever you share things with others online.

This applies to real life as well. Unless the person is extremely close to you (e.g. family member, good friend), don’t make it a point to indulge in your ego.

Here’s why:

• Imagine if a person who can’t have children is constantly bombarded by pictures of your beautiful babies.
• Imagine if a person who can’t get married or who’s had trouble finding a spouse is confronted with constant updates on your “perfect” relationship and/or wedding (or engagement) photos and posts.
• Imagine how a person who wanted that job position or material possession you’ve just attained will feel when you rub it in their faces.
• Imagine if someone with low self-esteem and self-perception comes across your beautiful personal photos or “selfies”, and the enormous amount of validation they receive from others.

My beloved Sisters and Brothers, don’t you see how any of the above could contribute to the evil eye? We know this, and yet, we indulge our egos. We paint perfect pictures of ourselves to others and we OVERSHARE with those who truly have no business knowing.

And even amongst our families and friends, there may be people who hide ill feelings towards our achievements, beauty, families, and lifestyles behind their smiles.

And the sad part is that most of the time, people envy what we know isn’t completely real – it’s just a facade. We know that our lives aren’t as glamorous or beautiful as we paint it to be, and yet we still project these images into the minds of others. In our modern times, people not only become envious of our lives, but also of what they perceive to be our lives.

I should note that if Allah (swt) wills for the evil eye to afflict you, then it will. And there is nothing you can do to stop it. BUT we should try to take precautions to limit the possibilities. For many, this will be hard because we live in such a narcissistic and self-serving society today. There is a deep need within many of us to be validated and accepted by others – even people we don’t know.

To wage war on the evil eye now means to wage war on our egos. To not feel compelled to brag, over-share, or make ourselves look good to others.

Personally, realizing the reality and the effects of the evil eye is a big part of the reason why I try to be as honest as possible through my writing. I would never want people to get the wrong impression of me – like I’m some great, intuitive, “deep” person or something. I try to highlight my struggles and relate to others to show that I’m NOT perfect. I struggle a LOT with my faith as well as my personal and social lives. My life isn’t glamorous and I would never want anyone to wrongly perceive that it is. Just because I like to speak/write about Allah and my religion, people sometimes mistake that I’m more religious than I know myself to be. It’s not true, believe me.

By being a bit more honest about ourselves, we can adjust the way that others perceive us. We can knock ourselves off that pedestal they may have placed us on and show them that sometimes, the grass isn’t really greener on the other side. In fact it may be the same, or even dead and gone.

Another thing we can do, Sisters and Brothers, is to be very careful and selective with who we share personal information and/or photos with. Again, this will be difficult, especially for those of us who are public figures or who have a public following. Still, this is something that I feel needs to be done as a safeguard against the evil eye. Social media, especially, needs to go back to being about friends and family as opposed to acquaintances, distant relatives and plain old strangers.

I’m not saying we should become hermits, all I’m saying is what the Prophet ﷺ said: the evil eye is real. And my dear Sisters and Brothers, we truly need to start treating it as such.

And Allah (swt) knows best.

*Please note that our counselors are not religious scholars and will not issue religious rulings.

“I’ve been depressed and cutting myself for over a year. I’ve tried stopping multiple times, but each time has led to a relapse. My parents found out, got overly concerned, and started saying things that made me feel worse, such as how I was never going to go anywhere in life, never going to find love, etc. I understand they were trying to help me break out of it…but it made things so much worse. Now, I don’t know whom to turn to. I’m not close enough to anyone to share this with or ask for advice. My imaan (faith) is getting exponentially weaker, and I feel like I’m dooming myself. There are days when I just want to end it all because I feel like such a burden in everyone’s lives.”

It sounds like you are struggling with many overwhelming emotions. Cutting yourself has become a way for you to cope with the intense feelings you have about your life situation or your relationships. It sounds like you are desperate for an emotional connection, and the people closest to you (your parents) were not able to help or understand your struggle, so now you feel despair.

Most people who cut do not wish to end their life, but rather habitually cut themselves in order to reduce the pressure they are feeling. Cutting helps you lessen your emotional pain and temporarily feel better about yourself and your life. However, the result of habitual cutting is that your brain connects a false sense of relief from this behavior, so now you have the urge to cut every time you are trying to escape intense feelings. Cutting is not a healthy way to cope with negative feelings of depression, anxiety, anger, sadness, etc. It is possible to stop. A commitment to learning new strategies to deal with your emotional pain will help you successfully stop your cutting behavior.

Your first courageous step forward should be to seek a counselor or doctor who can support you in ending your desire to cut. A mental health professional will help you identify the triggers for your cutting and help you develop alternative behaviors when you have the urge to cut. Some examples of positive coping behaviors are: breathing exercises, running, journaling, drawing, listening to music, reading Qur’an, making du`a’ (supplication), performing prayer, and so on.

Engaging in an alternative behavior as well as understanding your feelings and emotions when you have the urge to cut, will help you gain greater self-awareness. It can be difficult to stop a habitual behavior alone, and having support from a counselor will be extremely helpful as you find the inner strength to overcome your cutting and develop healthier ways of dealing with your feelings.

If you are feeling suicidal, you need to get help right away. Call the National Suicide helpline at 1-800-273-8255, or talk to a trusted friend or mentor and share with them how badly you are feeling and ask for help. Encouragement from someone close to you will help you in seeking assistance from a mental health professional, who will help you overcome your depression and cutting behavior.

VMCounselors is a collaborative advice column produced by two Authors, Amal Killawi, a Clinical Social Worker with a specialization in mental health and marriage education, and Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine, a Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in premarital counseling. Please note that our counselors are not religious scholars and will not issue religious rulings. To read our full disclaimer, please visit our disclaimer page. To submit questions to the VMCounselors, please email vmcounselors@virtualmosque.com.

Developing Our Relationship with Allah

In July 2006, I was watching the news report on Israel’s devastating attack on Lebanon. As I saw the images of severed bodies and heard the cries for help, the frustration and helplessness I felt was overwhelming. So I decided to pray while reciting from the mus’haf (hardcopy of the Qur’an, which is the word of God). As I was reading, I arrived at the verse:

“Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, ‘When is the help of Allah?’ Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” [Qur’an, 2:214]

And that was the answer. As human beings, we will be tested. But this doesn’t mean that we are going to live our lives in perpetual hardship, because ‘unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.’ So what does it mean when we are going through hardship? Is Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) angry with us? What if there is no way out?

Whenever we go through hardship, there are things we need to know with certainty. Allah (swt) tells us in the Qur’an:

“[…] Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” [Qur’an, 65:7]

Certain hardships are so consuming that we cannot focus on anything but the difficulty. But we have to remember that if we were to enumerate the blessings of Allah (swt), we would not be able to count them. Reminding ourselves of the other blessings in our lives helps us to see the test within the context of the grand scheme of things. Just the fact that you can make sajda (prostration), and call out, “O Allah!” is a blessing that surpasses all others.

But why?

There is a purpose behind the trial, and this purpose corresponds to our internal state and our relationship with Allah (swt). Allah (swt) has 99 Beautiful Names, and it should suffice us to know that He is the Most Merciful, the Most Just and the Most Wise. Your test is not being put upon you by a random being, but by the Almighty Allah, who is closer to us than our jugular vein.

Tests are a way to purify us. The Prophet ﷺ said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that,”  [Bukhari]. Our ultimate aim is to earn Allah’s pleasure and Jannah (paradise), and all of us fall short in truly worshiping Allah (swt) as He should be worshiped. Many of us fail to ask for forgiveness regularly, or to reflect on our state and return to Allah (swt). These tests, as burdensome as they are, ease our burden on the Day of Judgment, if we respond with patience.

Trials also have a way of reminding us of our purpose. If we are far from Allah (swt), the test is usually to bring us close to Him. Whatever heedlessness we are engaging in, the test should make us realize we have no one, no one at all, but Him.

Sheikh Ratib an-Nabulsi related a story about a man in Syria. This man would always mock Islam. He thought people who ‘wasted their time’ praying were silly. No matter how much da’wah (calling, used to refer to inviting people to learn about Islam) the sheikh gave him, the man remained in this state. He then had a daughter, and this daughter became very sick. He went to so many doctors, even traveling abroad to Europe, but no one could help him. After that, he started praying and turning to Allah (swt). Years later, his daughter was better and healthy. Both his dunya (this life) and akhira (the next life) were saved.

If we are close to Allah (swt), it is to test our resilience. Are we only close to Allah (swt) in times of ease, or does our trust extend to the times of hardship? When we are tested, do we leave the good deeds that we used to do? Allah (swt) describes such people in the following verse:

“And of the people is he who worships Allah on an edge. If he is touched by good, he is reassured by it; but if he is struck by trial, he turns on his face [to the other direction]. He has lost [this] world and the Hereafter. That is what is the manifest loss.” [Qur’an, 22:11]

This may seem counter-intuitive, but tests are also out of Allah’s love. The Prophet ﷺ said, “When Allah loves a servant, He tests him,” [Tirmidhi]. In a hadith qudsi (a hadith relating the words of Allah [swt]), Allah (swt) tells Jibreel to delay the response to the du`a’ of a servant because Allah (swt) loves hearing his voice [Tabarani]. Sometimes the answer to a test is that need for Allah (swt), those long hours spent in the night, and the tears of sincerity.

May Allah (swt) make us of those who constantly turn to Him, in hardship and ease.

By Ibn Siddique

It was a beautiful moonlit, starless night. I gazed out of the window and breathed in deeply. It all seemed so peaceful, but yet, the turmoil within me seemed to be raging harder than ever. I had a sudden urge to jump and just let go. Let go of my worries, my problems, my life…

I’m so not worth anything.

Sometimes I feel like my family thinks I was only a nuisance…and I don’t blame them. After all, they have to pay for my food, pay for my school, and pay for my clothes. I feel like my friends don’t really like me, and I don’t blame them either. After all, it’s not like anything is really special about my personality…

I’m so not worth anything.

Why am I still on this Earth? I wish I could just end everyone’s torment by disappearing. Yes, that would be enjoyable… disappearing to a land in the middle of the desert, or on an island in the middle of an ocean where I wouldn’t be bothering anybody. Or I could just leave this world altogether…

I’m so not worth anything.

Things might have been better if I had not been born. My parents would have more to spend on themselves. My teachers would have one less person to scold. My classmates would have more time to spend chillin’ instead of rolling their eyes at me. My future wife would be just as happy or more with another man. Perhaps it would be better if I stopped intruding into other’s lives altogether. Perhaps it would be better if I simply stopped living…

I’m so not worth anything.

Suddenly two hands enveloped my eyes from behind me, and a voice giggled and cried out, “Who is it?!”

I wasn’t amused. I shoved the hands away in annoyance.

“Get away from me Sara. Go back to your room.” It was my little sister, up to her usual antics.

“But why, Bhaiya (brother)? You didn’t spend any time with me the whole day!”

“Sara, I told you once. Go away!”

She pouted her lips and stubbornly said, “No! I won’t go until you come with me. Come on!” She began to tug at my arms, willing for me to come with her.

I once more shoved her arms to the side and looked at her furiously.

“Sara, get out. NOW!” I bellowed. I was incensed that she disturbed me while I was so deeply immersed in my important thoughts. I continued to glare at her until she silently trudged out of the room.

“Little sisters, they’re so annoying!” I fumed to no one in particular. I looked out of the window into the moonlit sky again, and once more began to immerse myself in my life-or-death thoughts…

I began to imagine how everybody would react if they found my body dead tomorrow. Familiar faces floated through my memories as I tried to imagine their faces in shock, not able to comprehend that I was no longer alive. I felt tears slowly well up in my eyes, as I realized that those moments of sadness, if it even happened, would quickly become a distant memory. The whole world was bound to forget me within just a few days of my death. Sure, my parents would have something to discuss for a week or two, but as death quickly becomes a stale topic of conversation for everyone, they would quickly move on to more riveting and current topics. I would lie in my grave, completely forgotten by the community around me.

I looked out at the starless sky, and wished that I could just end the torment.

I’m so not worth anything…

My trail of depression broke again as I felt a small card slipped into my hand. I turned around and saw my young sister again, but she now had tears rolling down from her little red, swollen eyes. She didn’t dare look up at me, but looked down, gazing intently at the card that was now in my hand. Agitated, I sighed and slowly unfolded the card.

Inside, in scrawly handwriting, it read:

“Dear Bhaiya,

I’m sorry that I made you mad. Will you forgive me?

– Sara.”

Man, did I feel horrible. Snapped out of my selfishness, I decided to make it up to her. I picked her up, hugged her tightly, and then began to tickle her neck, which always makes her explode into laughter. Her eyes brightened, and she began to smile wide once more. I let her down, and told her quietly, “Sorry for not being nice to you before. I’m not mad at you. I’m just… not feeling well today. Okay?”

She looked up, concerned, and asked softly, “Bhaiya, are you upset? Ammi (mother) said to remember that Allah loves us when we get upset. I think that will make you more happy.”

I managed to give her a weak smile and said, “Yeah, thank you, Sara… Now you go along and play. I’ll spend time with you tomorrow when I feel better, promise.” She beamed as she heard this and traipsed out of the room, already lost in another innocent world. I smiled as I watched her leave the room, and then turned back to the window, willing myself to return to my deep, dark thoughts.

Alas, it was to no avail. Her words, “Allah loves you,” was like a fresh breath of air that cleared my stressed mind of all those heavy thoughts. I whispered the statement over and over, trying to connect the meaning. Allah loves you. Allah loves you? Allah loves me? Subhan’Allah (glory be to Allah), I had totally forgotten to remember Allah in my thoughts! My family, friends, teachers, and relatives had all readily come to mind, but I had forgotten the most important source, my Creator.

I remembered a book that my mother had recently given to me as a gift entitled, “Remember Allah and He will remember you” and quickly picked it out from my bookshelf and read through it. As I began to sift through the pages, reminders kept hitting me: “Your friend is only Allah, His Messenger, and those who believe: those who perform prayer, give alms, and bow [in prayer].” (Qur’an, 5:55). Subhan’Allah, I reflected: Allah is directly telling every single one of us that He is always our friend and supporter.

I am somebody. I am of the Ummah of Muhammad ﷺ. I am of the religion of Allah.

As I continued on reading the book, I couldn’t stop uttering, “Subhan’Allah.” I froze when I came across the following words:

“If Allah loves a person, He calls Jibreel saying, ’Allah loves so and so; Oh Jibreel, love him. And make an announcement amongst the inhabitants of the heaven, Allah loves so and so therefore you should love him also’, and so all the inhabitants of the heaven would love him, and then he is granted (all) the pleasures of the people on the earth.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Oh Allah! What more could I ever want?! My own Lord mentioning my name – uttering Himself that He loves me! Not only that, but the people in Heaven and Earth will even love me because of Allah? What more could I ever want? Tears began to swell in my eyes as I began to imagine the righteous scholars of the past that must have earned and deserved this high honor. I began to desperately wish and pray that I would be included amongst these people too. I wanted to be worth Allah’s love.

I am somebody. I am a Muslim, a believer and servant of Allah, al-Wadood, the Loving.

“Allah said, ‘O son of Adam! If you mention Me to yourself, I will mention you to Myself. If you mention Me in a gathering, I will mention you in a gathering of the angels (or in a better gathering). If you draw closer to Me by a hand span, I will draw closer to you by forearm’s length. If you draw closer to Me by a forearm’s length, I will draw closer to you by an arm’s length. And if you come to Me walking, I will come to you running” (Bukhari)

I had to lift myself out of feeling worthless. I looked upwards, “Oh Allah, I am turning to You. I had to value my existence because Allah valued me; Oh Allah, please forgive all of my previous sins and allow me to earn Your Pleasure. Oh Allah…”

My dark thoughts tried rushing back into my mind, but they no longer carried the impact and weight as before. It’s true that my heart had habituated the lulling thoughts of depression and suicide, but I realized that this was from Shaytan. He wanted to convince me that I was nobody and so not worth anything. However, I now realize that Allah has given me worth and set a bar to reach, to attain His love. And even when I see that I am truly nobody in this world, it means that I have nothing to lose and everything to give to all those around me. I am at a low point because now I can aim higher.

Let my “friends” laugh at me. Let my teachers sigh at me. Let the world discourage me.

I won’t mind as long as I have Allah to depend on when I’m weak.

I am never forgotten if I remember Allah.

I am somebody.

“I am a Muslim and I don’t walk alone.
I fear no-one except the One above the Throne.” – Imam Safi Khan

Psychologists tell us that human beings go through five stages of emotion when struck with a calamity. Understanding the different stages of grief minimizes the first four stages (which are denial, anger, bargaining and depression) and gets us to the final stage – which is acceptance. I went through these stages on many different occasions, as I am sure you have.

I am not a psychologist nor am I trying to refute the works of psychology, but I would nonetheless like to offer a different view, a Qur’anic view, on how to deal with life’s trials.

Though we do not have a say in when we are born nor in when we die, life has a clear beginning and a clear end. What is sometimes unclear is the journey between the two points. For Muslims, however, the journey could not be any clearer. Allah says in Surat Adh-Dhariyat:

“And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)” (Qur’an, 51:56).

Now think back to the first paragraph of this article. You might think to yourself, “I pray five times a day, I fast during Ramadan and pay my zakat, yet I have an ill child, or still can’t find a job, or this stressor or that.”  You begin to wonder why you are going through this and why you are being “punished.” Before you know it, shaytan takes the helm and you are on a slippery slope of anger and denial.

Before falling down that slope, one must take a deep breath and ponder the following question: is it punishment or is it a manifestation of what Allah has told us in Surat Al-Ankabut:

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested?” (Qur’an, 29:2)

Allah tells us that through this journey we call life we will be tested. In Surat Al-Baqarah, He says:

“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits…” (Qur’an, 2:155)

Tribulations are a part of life but that doesn’t make them easy. We still grieve — but how could we not? We are, after all, a very emotional creation. So how does one cope with adversity? There are many ayat in the Qur’an that talk about different mechanisms of coping such as patience, faith, prayer and acceptance. But what I find the most profound and the most comforting is what Allah says in Surat Al-Baqarah:

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur’an, 2:286).

If you stand back and take a look at the whole picture, you will realize that what you have when faced by a tragedy is a choice. Will you go through the stages of grief, denying Allah’s destiny and the wisdom of His plan for you? Or will you realize that what you are going through is something you know you can handle? Whatever trial comes your way is something that Allah has planned and which He has guaranteed you can handle. This ayah is comforting because I, as a faithful mu’min who believes in Allah and His wisdom, know deep in my heart that although the sadness is cumbersome it will not be overwhelming; that although the times might be tough, I am tougher; and that whatever comes my way will go away; and that eventually I will face my Lord whom, I hope, will be pleased with me as I am pleased with Him.

So when you go through a difficult situation, be it the inevitable death of a loved one or the loss of a job or just a flat tire on the side of the highway, take a deep breath and say:

“Say: ‘Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allâh has ordained for us…’” (9:51).