glimpses of marital bliss – Virtual Mosque

The Man She Used to Pray For

Maryam Amirebrahimi — Tue, 16 Dec 2014 13:00:13 +0000

Many of us pray for the perfect spouse and imagine him or her being a certain way. Sometimes, what we pray for becomes most apparent in difficult times. In this account, a wife talks about the ways in which real life has helped her and her husband grow in their beautiful relationship.

Photo: Danna

“My husband and I are from two different worlds literally and figuratively, and the thing that binds us together the most is Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – exalted is He) and our undeniable faith in Him (swt). After looking in America for two years, I decided to marry someone from “back home,” i.e. Pakistan. When we first got married, we realized what a huge adjustment it would be for both of us. We had kids right away when he came. He went to school here and got his degree from here, and I supported him financially all during the time that I was a new mother and the only thing I wanted to do was raise my precious firstborn full-time.

Under such circumstances many marriages rightfully take a back seat and the relationship crumbles. We had many big fights over those first few years. Every time we fought I made du`a’ (supplication) to Allah (swt) to make it better, and He did. Our fights never lasted more than a day, and one of us always ended up saying sorry. We couldn’t go to sleep without making up. Throughout our good times and hard times I discovered that I married a very caring and generous man. I also discovered that I needed to accept him for who he was and that I had many bad qualities that needed to be worked out if I was going to stand in front of my Creator on the Day of Judgment. His love for me is shown in always hiding my faults in front of others, in picking flowers for me on the way home from the masjid, in taking care of the kids and giving me some time off, in cleaning up a messy house and in always sharing with me his day to day dealings at work or with his friends. As time has passed we have gotten closer and now I can’t imagine not having him in my life. The kids have really served to bond us together and it warms my heart when our eldest wants to pray because he sees his father praying. Alhamdullilah (praise be to God)!

My husband is not perfect and has many faults, but I know inside there is a light of goodness that gets dim at times and at times shines brightly, and I am committed to stand by him throughout all those times. I used to make du`a’ to Allah (swt) for a pious, kind, gentle husband and now that Allah (swt) has given me a slave of His to love, I must remain thankful, for if I am thankful He will give me more. We just celebrated our five-year wedding anniversary, and I look forward to spending many more with him insha’ Allah (God-willing).”

Sappy Love

Maryam Amirebrahimi — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 12:00:29 +0000

Photo: slimmer_jimmer

We know about sappy love movies, where lovers have that star-dazed look in their eyes and are willing to do anything- anywhere- anytime- to be with their lover. Well, that does exist in Muslim marriages. And while the following narrative may not be possible for everyone because of time restrictions, every couple can do something special to go the extra mile and show their love.

And for those skeptics who may think this couple just got married yesterday and therefore are still head over heels for each other…. The writer mentioned they’ve been married for five years! May God increase their love with every day that passes!

Pay special attention to their conversation: He loves seeing her, and not only does she love to see him…she loves to see him because she knows Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), will be pleased with her and will reward her for making her husband happy.

Again, this little story does not have to be yours. But think: What can be your story?

“I don’t work on Tuesdays. I have the entire day to myself. My husband works an hour and a half away.

Every Tuesday, instead of sleeping in or whatever, I choose to drive out to my husband’s work and have lunch with him.

I love it because it means we spend more time together, alhamdulillah (praise be to God).

My husband sometimes feels bad that I have to drive so much just for lunch and says, ‘Don’t make it a necessity. Do it if you can. Of course, I look forward to Tuesdays because you come.’

To which I reply, ‘That’s it, that’s all I come for, because you look forward to it. Moreover, I get rewarded for making my husband happy.'”

*If you would like share sweet glimpses from your marriage with hopes of spreading awareness of positive relationships in the Muslim community, please email Maryam@VirtualMosque.com with a short narrative. Your submission may be featured anonymously in this mini-series of Glimpses of Marital Bliss.

Through Thick and Thin

Maryam Amirebrahimi — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 12:00:42 +0000

Photo: Brandice Schnabel

Every person has a different marriage experience and sometimes, it may turn sour. When words of divorce are spoken, it can often lead to incredibly painful emotions. In this narrative, a woman describes the way she grappled with her emotions through patience and prayer, and what she realized about her husband, and her marriage, in the end.

“Leave…Go away…I have no feelings towards you! I am just waiting for the right time to divorce you!”

These were the words my husband spoke to me which sliced through my heart like a dagger.

We had a beautiful relationship and two sweet kids… What made him say this? Yes, life was not all too smooth. There had been many hitches… but did that lead to this?! I was shattered, my world shrunk, my soul constricted.

A thousand thoughts crossed my mind, searching for reasons, wanting answers… What he had said didn’t sound good enough. I was not convinced and I was not leaving. Anyway he had just threatened it, not actually divorced me. I didn’t have to leave. It was still my choice, and I chose to stay.

Over the days, I would ponder what caused this indifference. Not finding any answers, I would cry myself to sleep.

Meanwhile he was distant, uncompromising, never ever glancing towards me, so lost in his own devices. In a different world.

Days turned to weeks then to months and then years. I held on, reproached him, approached him, pleaded, distanced myself, shut out all emotions, prayed, lived mechanically.

Slowly the answers tumbled out: “It’s not you, it’s me. I’m in deep trouble, something which I can’t even discuss, something from which there’s no way out, at least from where I see it… I want you to be safe, the kids to be safe and happy and live.”

In the dead of the night, turning in prayer to his Lord, he would plant a kiss on my forehead not knowing I was aware, awake, that his every waking moment would stir me. He wanted me there as much as he wanted me to go away. But he could not think of any better solution. He felt there was no way out. Where he was headed towards seemed to be a one-way road.

Then it dawned so clear—this was the truth behind the facade. He actually loved me, loved the kids more than I could even imagine. So much so that he was willing to separate himself from us for our safety, our happiness, our lives. He knew I would not leave him, not abandon him out of fear, and hence chose to distance me, separate me.

AlhamdulilLah (praise be to God) my Lord is He who has power over all things.

I stayed on, held on, du`a’ (prayer) kept me going. AlhamdulilLah I got to experience that unflinching love, that selfless love of my hubby. I did not know what a marriage was when I got married. From my better half, I learned that it was all about taking responsibility and putting family first, against all odds.”

The Little Things That Count

Maryam Amirebrahimi — Wed, 02 Jul 2014 12:00:06 +0000

Photo: Adam Hilliker

Some of us have grandiose ideas of what romance is. Many of us have been programmed by popular culture to expect big gestures of love and passion and intimacy. However, when we take the time to appreciate the romance in consistent acts of love, such as mutual support in the home, the encouragement for all we take on outside, it allows us to look at romance in an entirely different, practical, possible, tangible way.

“I am not a car person. I don’t care what I drive. I don’t take care of my car. Which is the opposite of my husband. He is ‘married’ to his car; he takes care of it and always reminds me to take care of my car.

The worst part about it for me is filling up on gas. I always do it at the last minute, Monday morning—right before work!

It was Sunday night and my husband had to go out and he insisted on taking my car instead of his.

It was Monday morning the next day, and as usual I was rushing. My husband was also in a rush, but he told me, ‘Relax, don’t rush!’

We exchanged quick hugs and I was out the door. As I started the engine, to my surprise the gas tank was full!

Later that day when I talked to him, I said, ‘Thank you! That was really nice of you to fill my gas. But why were you rushing this morning?’

To which he replied, ‘I had to fill mine!’

He skipped filling out his own tank so that he could fill mine. Completely shocked, I told him, ‘You didn’t have to do that!’ He responded, ‘It is my duty!’”

Contrary to what we often hear, there are spouses who deeply, deeply care about their better half and would be willing to do anything to support them. The beautiful part of this story was not only the action of the husband, but the way in which the wife appreciated his action. This, dear readers, is real life romance.

He Prayed Instead of Fought

Maryam Amirebrahimi — Wed, 18 Jun 2014 12:00:27 +0000

Photo: Saima

In any relationship, disagreements are inevitable. How do you respond when a loved one makes a mistake? Let’s see how this husband responded and how it affected his wife and their relationship.

“If I was to describe my husband and myself, it would suffice to say that we belong to the opposite ends of a spectrum.

He enjoys watching a good movie while I enjoy reading a good book. My idea of a perfect weekend is a picnic in the park while he’s content unwinding at home. I would jump at the opportunity to do extreme sports while he’s content with the likes of “angry birds” 🙂

Our marriage was arranged by our parents and although we had numerous differences, there were some core values that were common.

Both of us held family as top priority, possessed the insatiable love to gain knowledge, and were passionate about trotting the globe to witness Allah’s magnificent creations.

As remarkable as it might seem, our first ever real argument occurred several years into our marriage!

It wasn’t because I didn’t have a mind or ideologies to stand up for. On the contrary, I had been a debater, a leader and fierce proponent of women empowerment all through my young adulthood. However, my husband has always had an aura of calmness and utmost patience that in those early days was irritating, but has now become infectious.

Here’s why it took us almost four years to engage in a quarrel with each other:

It was a couple of months into our marriage—I can’t remember over what or why—I had raised my voice and waited for his response. Annoyingly enough there was none. I went on and he kept quite. So I went on even more until, to my extreme shock and disbelief, my husband stood up and raced to the bathroom to make wudu’ (ablutions) and started praying. And when the prayer was over he sat for a long time making du`a’ (supplications).

The worst thing to happen in any argument is to face-off with a silent opponent! However, the SCARIEST thing is to have an opponent who talks to Allah instead of engaging with you! As I stood watching, my anger turned into guilt and then remorse.

Did I really hurt an innocent being because I was having a crappy day for no fault of his? Did my being away from my family make me so bitter that I started harming my newly-wed husband?

Did he REALLY just get up and start praying? Is he complaining about me to my Lord?

As these thoughts raced through my head, I felt extremely sorry and apologized to him.

That day I realized, and secretly felt proud, to have a husband whom I not only liked but for whom I had immense respect.

Over the years, I have learned so much from him, have grown to love him, enjoy his company, and appreciate his insight on different issues. Above all, I can’t thank Allah enough to have given me someone who has helped me become a better person, a better Muslim!

P.S.: When that inevitable husband-wife squabble occurred years later, both of us had grown stronger and closer to Allah (and each other) that it ended almost as quickly as it had started.

To this day, I look back fondly at all the times my beloved husband chose to offer prayers instead of screaming back at me.”

Giving the Love We Want

Maryam Amirebrahimi — Wed, 04 Jun 2014 12:00:57 +0000

Photo: Sathish J

Marriages flourish with compromise, understanding and appreciation on behalf of both spouses. In this narrative, a wife shares the way in which she was understanding and compromising of her husband’s personal preferences, and the way through which he still understood the importance of him showing his love to her a certain way.

“My husband is not someone who celebrates birthdays. In fact, on my first birthday/our anniversary when my husband gave me a card, my sister-in-law couldn’t get over it for a week. He thinks they are a waste of time and attract too much attention to self, not to mention the commercial business of it. Moreover, ‘The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) didn’t celebrate his,’ my husband says. I agreed with him.

However, I couldn’t help but plan something every year for his birthday. It was a very special day for me, and I wanted to express it. I didn’t care much for the anniversaries. I even forgot them for the first couple of years. So for 5 years, I would always celebrate his birthday with surprise gifts and plans, and for 5 years he would give me a card and a candy for my birthday and our anniversary (which I would often forget). This was fine by me, because I knew he had a very hard time celebrating birthdays and planning for one was like a huge project for him.

So, last year around my birthday time, I went to work as usual and so did he. As the routine goes, he gave me a card and my favorite candy right after we prayed fajr. By now, I was used to not expecting anything more from him.

Days before he had mentioned that he needed to take my car for service, so he would have to drop me off. That happened to be the day of my birthday. He wished me well and left for work. I am a teacher. I started teaching my first period and soon after the office manager delivered a beautiful bouquet of roses with a card. Imagine my surprise when I read on the card, ‘From hubby’! And of course, once the students found out, I had all my classes singing for me, which of course totally made my day, alhamdulillah (praise be to God)! Especially because I was not expecting it.

We usually call during the day to chat. But, that day I couldn’t wait until the lunch time and called him right away in disbelief, just to confirm that he was the sender. On that particular day, I had also forgotten my lunch and was super hungry by the time school ended. My husband still was not there to pick me up. So, he called me at 2:45pm and told me that he is stuck in a meeting and won’t be able to pick me up until 6 or 7 pm. I replied with calmness, like how he usually does.

Five minutes later, he called back and said that he had changed his mind and was going to pick me up. To my surprise, he was waiting in the car in the parking lot. By now, I had understood that he was teasing me about the 6′ o clock meeting.

Later he took me out to my favorite restaurant, which was another surprise, because I usually have to convince him to eat there.

By the end of the day I found out that it took him weeks to plan this day; he had taken a day off, planned my car service timing, and everything that he was going to tell me so it would flow well and be a complete surprise.

So, I said, ‘Wow, so you spent weeks planning this? You didn’t go to work for my birthday, when I went to work myself? You woke up like it was a regular day instead of sleeping in, you took a shower and got dressed just so I wouldn’t know? That’s crazy! You put on an act just to surprise me? You did the chocolates, the card, and the flowers. All these things that you dislike? That’s crazy! May Allah reward you for all this!’

Then I said, ‘But wait, if you were home how come I didn’t hear a thing (we had guests over at that time with their kids) when I called you this morning, thinking you were still in the office?’

To which he replied, ‘I spoke to you from our closet and made sure the door was locked!’

Then he continued, ‘Yes, it’s a very special day for me. I wouldn’t be me without this day. This is a blessed day, a lucky day for me. A day I am very thankful for.'”

This narrative specifies a celebration. You personally may not be religiously comfortable with celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, and that is fine. Please respect the differences of opinion amongst the scholars on these issues.

The point is what should not be missed: This wife did not expect her husband to do anything extra special for her birthday because he was uncomfortable with doing so. She understood that and never made him feel bad about not doing “what other husbands” do for their wives. Instead, she realized he would be okay with her doing something for him and she did, never expecting an equal return. But when he did surprise her with something, she appreciated it. She recognized his effort and appreciated it. Through compromise, understanding and appreciation, couples can find mutual ground to help their relationships blossom.

Finding Allah Through Divorce

Guest Authors — Thu, 22 May 2014 12:00:57 +0000

Photo: Sebastiano Pitruzzello

Most people who marry do not expect their marriages to end in divorce. But what if they do? How does a person recover from a difficult marriage or a divorce? Below, one woman describes her experiences and shares her reflections.

“Divorce: a word that has always weighed really heavily on my heart. In fact, I would ponder about how heavy the Arabic word for it sounded. Talaq felt like each of its letters came out with difficulty.

I saw it happening to people around me but never imagined it happening to me. Not because I am special in any way, but because like any other girl I had dreams of a blissful marriage filled with love, kind words, and just lots of beautiful things. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

A few months into my marriage I saw a side of me that I never even knew existed. I went from being someone who was full of energy to someone who feared doing anything, from someone who loved to smile at everyone and everything around me to someone who forgot what it felt like to smile. Tears followed tears. From nights that were filled with beautiful conversations with the Almighty, to sleepless nights spent thinking of solutions to my many problems. I kept asking myself: Who am I? Why has my marriage changed me so much? Why do I feel lost and confused? Why is there no one around me to support me through this? I noticed my self esteem go downhill and with it went my iman (faith). I was unknowingly distancing myself from the One who mattered to me the most: Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He).

I could no longer make decisions on my own, something I grew up doing with the help of my parents. I grew up in a household that respected my decisions; my father’s role was always that of an advisor and a supporter, not that of a commander. But in my marriage I felt restricted in all that I did and fearful before making any decisions.

I was being spiritually abused. I did not even know that form of abuse existed until I experienced it. I drifted further and further away from Allah (swt). I missed Him. I wanted the life I used to have back, but most importantly I wanted the relationship I had with Allah (swt) back. He must have missed me, too, because 11 months into my marriage I went through a divorce. What I truly found amazing is that the divorce happened a day after I prayed istikhara (the prayer of guidance) about continuing in that relationship.

I was left with no closure; my ex-husband disappeared (literally) after ending the relationship over a phone conversation. At that moment, something beautiful happened. Allah (swt) was back. It was then that I realized He had never left. He was always there and always will be, but now He was back to being my focal point in my life. In knowing that, I found comfort, and most importantly I found closure.

I was blessed to have a supportive family and great friends around me, but their support was different from the kind of support that can only come from Allah (swt). In the middle of the night when strange thoughts haunt you and you’re left crying into your pillow, Allah (swt) sends His sakinah (tranquility). He reassures you that He is there for you, and you get up in the stillness of the night and pray. As my forehead reached the ground, I was overcome with tears of gratitude that I was now safe with Him. I realized that what I just gained back was more precious to me than the world and everything in it: that feeling of peace that was never present when I distanced myself from Him. To many, it seemed like I had lost a husband and my chance to ever get married again. If only they knew that in reality I had gained so much and lost nothing.

“What has he lost who has found you (O Allah), and what has he found who has lost you (O Allah)?” – Ibn `Ata’ Allah rahimahu Allah (may God have mercy on him)

The experience I went through changed my outlook on life, on people, and on myself. I learned to trust in Allah (swt). He taught me how to trust Him. I heard it from many, read it in articles, listened to it in many lectures. “Trust in Allah.” But Allah (swt) is the best of teachers. When you make Him your source of strength, nothing can break you—not someone’s words nor their harsh treatment. He will start to show you in ways you never thought possible that if you trust Him, He will never let you down. He will shower you with blessings. Believe Him when He says:

“…And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him…” (Qur’an 65:2-3).

Guess where this beautiful verse happens to be in the Qur’an? The chapter titled “The Divorce”.

He has certainly provided for me from where I did not expect. Three years later, I am happily married to a wonderful man alhamdulillah (praise be to God). A man who teaches me everyday that true happiness lies in tawakkul, full reliance on Allah (swt). A man who is a reminder to me that this beautiful deen (religion) is a source of empowerment for both men and women alike and should never be used to belittle anyone. A man whose mouth utters nothing but kind words and whose beautiful character teaches me how to become a better person.

To all those who have been through a divorce, men or women: make that experience your strength, and do not let things that some people in our society say let you down. Most importantly, do not let your own self down. Be the one to set an example to those around you that being a divorcee is merely an experience and not a status that you need to carry with you for the rest of your life.

This is not the end; it is the beginning of many beautiful things. Do not lose faith, and do not let your divorce define the person you are today in a negative way. Strengthen yourself so you can help other divorcees when they need it. As difficult as it may be, do not dwell too much on the reasons behind your divorce or who was right or wrong, and most importantly, do not tell yourself, “It wasn’t my fault.” Look for faults within yourself or think of ways in which you could have handled some situations better, so that you learn from mistakes and become a better person.

One thing I learned about myself is that I need to stop believing everything that is told to me, especially in regards to my own religion. I decided to seek knowledge for myself so that no one can ever manipulate me into believing things that are not necessarily true.

Do not wait for anyone to make you happy. Do not walk into a relationship expecting your partner to make you happy. Find out what brings you happiness, and do more of that.

After my divorce, I refused to hibernate in my room and think for hours about what went wrong, so I decided to volunteer at a center that helped children with special needs. I walked in with the hope of helping them out, but I walked out realizing that they were the ones helping me. Despite their disabilities, they still managed to smile. Every morning I got a hug from them that brightened my day. They made me realize the many blessings all around us that we fail to see once we mistakenly decide that our life has ended due to one difficult experience.

Build a support system, be around positive people, and please know with certainty that even if nobody in the entire world knows or can relate to what you’ve been through, Allah (swt) knows, and He will get you through it. There can be no greater solace than that.”

Perspectives on Marriage

Staff — Wed, 07 May 2014 12:00:00 +0000

Photo: Reji K

By Anonymous

Different couples have different perspectives on marriage and what it’s really all about. Below are two different narratives from two different individuals on what marriage is to them:

Couple 1:

“Marriage is work. It’s sacrifice. It’s compromise.

I watch romantic comedies, and I think, “This is pure nonsense.”

Love is being there for your spouse, no matter what. I was hospitalized for two weeks, and I had temporarily lost my ability to walk. I saw a depth in my husband that I had no idea was there.

He visited me twice a day while I was in the hospital. We’d talk on the phone after, then he’d get our children ready for school, drop them off, and bring me breakfast before he went to work.

After work, he’d bring me dinner, walk with me in the hallways, encouraging me even when I was too physically tired to walk further. He’d leave to get the kids ready for bed and then call me again after `isha [the night prayer]. He’d bring the kids to see me every other day.

After my discharge from the hospital, he continued to encourage and support me while I was recovering from my illness. He doesn’t like biking, but I found that biking was helping me to regain my ability to walk, and I would drag him with me on 25-mile bike rides in the mountains every week while I was getting better. My disease continues to play like background music in our life, but he is so understanding, so patient, so thoughtful.

Songs and movies portray love as this steamy and passionate emotional tsunami. That may be true for the very beginning of a marriage, but love evolves as the years go by. In the course of that evolution, I’ve found love to be kind, practical, and gentle. Someone who doesn’t know you can’t love you in the way you need to be loved.”

Couple 2:

“AlhamduliLah (all praise and thanks to God) we have a blessed marriage. We can’t thank Allah enough for each other and our families. My husband and I have been married for about 5 years now. We don’t know what we would have done without each other. We feel like we have been married for 20+ years and sometimes we even tease each other about acting like an old couple.

My husband, may Allah bless him, always says, “Look, we are all humans. We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. You bring peace and joy to my life. So, in times when I am upset, I try to remember the rest of the 99% when things were great, and I try to forgive you, so that Allah may forgive me on the day of Judgment. So you should also do the same.”

Anytime either one of us does something extra for the other, we remind each other not to and the other says, “It’s ok, I am doing this for the sake of Allah. So that Allah may be happy with us.”

We make du`a’ [prayer] for each other. We say things like, “May Allah be pleased with you. Grant you the highest level of Jannah [paradise] and fulfill all your wishes.” Though I have to admit that my husband does this a lot more often than I do.

When we are upset with each other, we remind each other that Satan is trying to come in between us, and the one who is upset rushes to defeat Satan, and tells the other, “You did this and this. Shaytaan [Satan] took advantage of it, but I was able to overcome him. I forgive you for the sake of Allah so Allah can forgive me.” We try to clear things right away.

Even when I am slightly upset, my husband can tell. Even when I am hiding it. He pushes me to blurt it out. I do. Then he helps me feel better. And I am always glad he pushed me to say what was bothering me.”

In both of these narrations, the couples emphasize one point: marriage is about being with someone who will truly understand what you need, someone who will help you become a better person and who will encourage you to improve with that gentle love.

*If you would like share sweet glimpses from your marriage with hopes of spreading awareness of positive relationships in the Muslim community, please email info@VirtualMosque.com with a short narrative. Your submission may be featured anonymously in this mini-series of Glimpses of Marital Bliss.

Parents and Puppy Love

Maryam Amirebrahimi — Wed, 23 Apr 2014 12:00:42 +0000

Photo: Anders Young

By Anonymous

Parents are our first glimpse into understanding the concept of love. In this narrative, a sister describes the romanticized love she has been blessed to witness from her parents.

“The narrative is not my own but it is still a personal one. It is about the two most important people in my life, my parents.

My parents just celebrated their thirty-year anniversary this past New Year’s Eve. They have been living on two different continents for the past five years so it has been hard for them. What I want to share is a sweet ritual that they have kept alive regardless of this distance.

My parents speak to each other every evening, sharing their days with one another. It is nothing out of the ordinary, but what I admire is regardless of how busy they are, they always make time for that phone call every evening without fail.

I have seen my mum’s eyes light up like a lovesick teenager’s because of it, and I have witnessed this goofy lopsided grin on my dad’s face for the same reason. They both, on separate occasions, confessed that these nightly conversations bridges the physical distance between them and has helped strengthen their relationship. Masha’Allah (what God wills).

I am yet to start my own love narrative but amidst all the negative portrayals of Muslim love, my parents are my anchor. They show me real love does happen to Muslim people, and it can be happy and lovey-dovey romantic, even after many years and also great distance (their case now). My parents teach me every day that we can find the extraordinary in the ordinary; you just have to be willing to bear the extra.”

From an Arranged Marriage to Deep Love

Maryam Amirebrahimi — Wed, 09 Apr 2014 12:00:58 +0000

By Anonymous

Here is an inspiring narrative of a woman who was married through an arranged marriage, who grew to love her husband with passion and compassion, and who was there for him—as he was there for her—through the thick and thin of life.

“AlhamduliLah (praise be to God), I’ve been married for many years, despite all our ups and downs we never left each other’s side.

Within three weeks of being married, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We laugh about it now and say our honeymoon destination was the hospital! By the way, we never did end up going on a honeymoon. We were just starting off our marriage which was forcibly arranged but alhamduliLah we grew to like one another after our long distance nikah (marriage contract).

During that time, we wrote letters to one another and waited weeks for a response! Long gone are those days now. But they were beautiful hand-written letters full of love and passion for a stranger—in western terms— that we wrote to one another only on the basis of knowing that a powerful contract bound us—our nikah.

So when I was finally “given away,” we started our life. I was in my second year of university and my husband was a new immigrant to Canada from Pakistan. As you can imagine, money was tight—we had an apartment, I had a part-time job, he had no work or adequate education at the time, and our parents thought this was a good time for marriage although we did not think so!

Anyway Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), is truly the best of planners. After a modest wedding party we were “officially” married. Three weeks later after experiencing shortness of breath, it was discovered my husband had cancer.

Our world came to a stop. The first week of his treatment was the longest week of my life! Time stood still, but I knew Allah (swt) would save him. I questioned my faith at that time. We plowed ahead through all the treatment—both chemo and radiation! And the treatment worked beautifully alhamduliLah.

All the while I worked in a part-time job trying to pay rent and cover the basic expenses. My parents allowed us to move in with them temporarily.

Luckily, living in Canada, we had access to top of the line cancer treatment at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto. What a blessing indeed…if my husband was in Pakistan his family would have had to sell their modest home and sell much of what they owned for his treatment.

AlhamduliLah after the treatment, tears, pain and physical and emotional scars, my husband has been cancer-free for 14 years by Allah’s grace (swt).

We have two beautiful children. This was another blessing because after all his treatment, doctors were unsure if we could have children, and due to the cost of storing sperm we decided that was the last of our priorities. We left it up to Allah (swt). If we were meant to have children he would bless us with them! And indeed He did!

During my husband’s treatment he had a dream that he was making tawaf in Mecca around the Kabah. He wanted to go for Hajj but of course he was too weak.

A few months after my husband’s treatment was complete, my Aunt called and asked us if we could go on a fully sponsored Hajj trip from herself and my uncle! Subhan’Allah (glory be to God)! So our first anniversary was spent on the Hajj! Who could have asked for a more beautiful trip than that—all expenses paid? So we went and had the most wonderful experience! My first experience hearing the adhan (call to prayer) in Medina filled my eyes with tears and I trembled as I cried uncontrollably. Was this for real? Subhan’Allah!

Because my husband’s tumor was close to his heart, during radiation therapy we were told some damage could result on his heart making him more likely to develop a heart condition. Fast-forward and we are now in the process of finding out if his heart is completely healthy or not. Doctors have raised some concerns. Again we are together, side by side! Pray for him please!

During experiences like this, how can we not thank Allah (swt) for each other’s company? Although our marriage took place under not so ideal conditions, it was worth it because it brought us closer to Allah (swt).

There isn’t a day that I don’t thank Allah (swt) for bringing my husband into my life. He has always been my rock, and I see him as a wonderful gift from Allah (swt) to me. He has helped me grow in so many ways.

We still argue and disagree but honestly, compared to what we have been through so early in our marriage, many issues do not bother us.

AlhamduliLah I joke with my husband and say my dad made the best decision for me! My dad went for Hajj and prayed for a partner for me, and if I wanted to find such a wonderful man on my own I doubt I could have!

So that’s my story! Thank you for the opportunity to express my gratitude to Allah (swt) for bringing such a fine man in my life!”