They can be so kind and so good to you. They can shower you with their love and embrace you with compliments and beautiful gestures.

People can also be the opposite of amazing—that we know. Yet my focus has been on the divine fortress which both encompasses and protects in a way that no person could even imagine. It simultaneously surrounds us with complete acceptance while blocking out rejection. Within the walls of this fortress, you find yourself.

For me, this fortress is a metaphor for my yearning to develop a real relationship with my Creator. By real, I mean something that goes beyond meaningless utterances of reverence and soulless acts of devotion. Something raw…something ugly. Something that looks like a woman of God drenched in her shortcomings, sin and longing for the Divine.

For so long, the awareness that God knew everything about me – all of me – was something that evoked within me a deep shame. What people could never imagine about me, God knew. What people could never understand about me, God encompassed. The masks I wore, and occasionally still wear, melted into their real forms before God. Mirages that were only real to the human eye but could never fool the Divine, who saw all.

And then I decided to jump headfirst into the most loving relationship I could find, which meant releasing the shame and knowing that God’s mercy encompassed my self-judgements. That my shame was rooted not in God’s inability to forgive me, but in my inability to forgive myself. That my shame could never be lifted by any delight nor by any man. That only God could carry me as I struggled to carry my burdens.

After the jump, I found myself swimming in a pool of light. A light that has continued to illuminate the darkest corners of my heart and the gloomiest moments in my life.

Within this fortress, I struggle not with fears of abandonment and disloyalty, but rejoice in an infinite love that both fills and completes me. With God, my insecurities are moot. What use are insecurities when your Beloved knows what distresses your soul? When your pains and fears exist only with His permission? When your faults are but a testament to the humanity in which you were created? When your most intimate thoughts and desires are known to Him before they manifest?

What better companion than the Lord of the universe and the celestial bodies which inhabit it? Of the wind and mountains and crystal-like drops of rain? Of the heavens and the laughing child? Of the pen that writes and the eyes that weep?

What better abode than the fortress of the Divine?

How amazing is the love of your Beloved?

And Allah (exalted is He) knows best.

Have you ever felt so exhausted, so crushed and so in despair that you simply could not fathom your world being good again? One thing after another crashes against your weary, bruised existence and the color begins to drain from your life. I have been there, and however bizarre this may sound, I would not change it for the world.

It was during this difficult time that I reached what felt like an epiphany. I came across a plant called ‘The Rose of Jericho,’ originating from the same family as Lichen. They are known commonly as Resurrection plants, and as suggested by the name, are capable of some extraordinary feats. These incredible entities can survive months and even years of extreme dehydration and desiccation, during which they shrivel up and appear entirely dead. But add a few drops of water and within hours, leaves unfurl and color shifts from brown to green, life appears to return. A phenomenon that baffled scientists for years, because, to put it simply, according to basic accepted laws of biology, this should not happen. In the face of such adversity, lack of sustenance and ruthless battering of the elements, they should die and be gone for good. But they do not. They defy all odds, all that is expected and logical, and they spring back into beautiful form.

God constantly places signs for us in His creation, but He requires us to see them. For me, this almost surreal encounter was a wake up call and a restoration of spirit during my time of adversity, when sustenance seemed scarce and the elements ruthless. We are not in control of our circumstances, but we are in control of ourselves, and that is what defines us. I decided not to fall victim and fail the tests I was presented with, I would fight, defy the odds, and survive. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years, and everyone’s fight is different, but while we have faith, we have hope.

Prophet Ayoub (Job) `alayhi as salaam (peace be upon him) lost his livelihood, his wealth, his family and then his health. Picture this for a minute, one by one, everything you consider important and essential, gone. Through the loss, the devastating and infuriating pain he must have felt, he kept his sights on His Lord. He saw that God brought him to this position on the physical plane in order to elevate him on the spiritual one. And after years of steadfastness in faith and utmost patience despite a broken heart, difficult conditions and an agonizing disease, God gave back to Ayoub (as) everything that had been taken, along with much, much more.

Nothing good comes easy. Know that the best of humanity were tested almost to breaking point, and Your Lord is the Most Compassionate and Most Wise. Step up your worship, focus your sights on He who is able to do all things, He who gives life and takes it, He in whose hand is the entire world. No matter how many pieces your heart has broken into, how disenchanted and disheartened you feel, if you have become even a tiny bit closer to Allah, subhanahu wa ta`la (exalted is He), it was worth it. Hang in there, and no matter how hopeless your situation may seem, things will get better insha’Allah (God willing).

There is a Japanese tradition called kintsukuroi, in which cracked pottery is repaired using gold or silver. Just as the pottery is even more stunning and precious for having been broken, so will you be. Now etched with the beautiful tracks of survival, the piece takes on an even more valuable lease of life, as will you.

Turn to Allah (swt), and through Him, make up your mind to survive. Like the Prophets and the plants, repair your existence with the metaphorical gold that is faith, and be all the more beautiful for it.

Photo: Stewart Baird

“And out from where they had been concealed walked two other detectives. They’d had me covered. One false move, I’d have been dead…

If I hadn’t been arrested right when I was, I could have been dead another way. Sophia’s husband’s friend had told her husband about me. And her husband had arrived that morning, and had gone to the apartment with a gun, looking for me. He was at the apartment just about when they took me to the precinct…

I have thought a thousand times, I guess, about how I so narrowly escaped death twice that day. That’s why I believe that everything is written.” ((The Autobiography of Malcolm X, p. 241-242))

These are the words of the late Malik el-Shabazz – Malcolm X – may Allah’s mercy be upon him, as he told the story of the day he got arrested. It was through prison that he was exposed to the teachings of Elijah Muhammad and the Nation of Islam. It would be many more years before he visited Makkah, as a member of the Nation, and accepted orthodox Islam. It was as though someone was taking care of him all this time – nudging him, teaching him through hardship and blessing, and caring for him. It may not have been clear at the time, but it became apparent later on.

Because someone was taking care of him. The same One who takes care of you and me.

He is Allah, Al-Rabb (the Lord). This attribute is mentioned so many times in the Qur’an, but it is different from His other Names. While Allah is Al-Haleem (the Forbearing) or Al-Wahhab (the Giver of Gifts), you cannot say, “Allah is my Haleem”, for example. Linguistically it does not make sense. You can say He is forbearing with you, or He is The Forbearing, but you cannot use it in the possessive form. But when ‘Rabb’ is mentioned, you can change the form.

He is not just Al-Rabb. He is ‘Rabby’ – my Rabb. This  shows us how close Allah is to us. That’s why the first verses to be revealed to the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) were:

“Recite in the name of your Rabb who created –” [96:1]

Though the Prophet ﷺ was an orphan, it is as though this verse came to tell him, ‘You have a Rabb, Someone has been taking care of you all this time.’ ‘Rabb’ is hard to translate because it has so many meanings attached to it. It is commonly translated as ‘Lord’, but that is only part of the meaning. In the dictionary it is stated:

الرَّبُّ يُطْلَق في اللغة على المالكِ، والسَّـيِّدِ، والـمُدَبِّر، والـمُرَبِّي، والقَيِّمِ، والـمُنْعِمِ
والرّبُّ: المُصْلِح للشّيء.
والله جلّ ثناؤُه الرَّبٌّ؛ لأنه مصلحُ أحوالِ خَلْقه.

Al-Rabb linguistically is said to be the Owner, the Master, the One who arranges all matters, the Nurturer, the Sustainer, and the One who bestows favors and blessings. Al-Rabb is also the one who mends something; and Allah is al-Rabb – subhanahu wa ta`ala, exalted is He – because He mends the conditions of His creation.

Because Rabb encompasses all of these meanings, Surat al-Fatiha (Qur’an 1) is a beautiful introduction to His Name. We are told:

“[All] praise is [due] to Allah…” [1:1]

Imagine you are reading this for the first time. You might say ‘well, who is Allah (swt)?’

“…Rabb of all the worlds.” [1:1]

If He is a Rabb – with all of the meanings this word encompasses – then the logical conclusion is ‘I must be a slave’. But what is my relationship with this Rabb? What kind of Rabb is He?

“The Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.” [1:2]

Wow. That is who is He is. That is the type of Rabb Allah (swt) is. He is the The Rabb, the One who is your Master, but the Master who nurtures you with His All-Encompassing Mercy. So how can we not worship Him? How can we not seek His nearness?

Allah shows us how he arranges everything in this world, how He is master of things that you are not even aware of. When He first speaks to Moses `alayhi as-salaam (peace be upon him) and tells him that he must confront Pharaoh, Moses (as) makes a supplication. Allah (swt) grants Him what he asked for, but then He reminds Moses (as):

‘And We had already conferred favor upon you another time, When We inspired to your mother what We inspired, [Saying], ‘Cast him into the chest and cast it into the river, and the river will throw it onto the bank; there will take him an enemy to Me and an enemy to him.’ And I bestowed upon you love from Me that you would be brought up under My eye. [And We favored you] when your sister went and said, ‘Shall I direct you to someone who will be responsible for him?’ So We restored you to your mother that she might be content and not grieve. And you killed someone, but We saved you from retaliation and tried you with a [severe] trial. And you remained [some] years among the people of Madyan. Then you came [here] at the decreed time, O Moses. And I produced you for Myself. Go, you and your brother, with My signs and do not slacken in My remembrance. Go, both of you, to Pharaoh. Indeed, he has transgressed. And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah].’ [20:37-44]

Allah (swt) reminds Moses (as) that He was there for him all along – even when he did not know it. Even when he thought that he was going through a hardship, Allah (swt) was there. Allah (swt) was teaching him, like a Rabb would. And what do Moses and Aaron (as) say?

‘They said, “Our Lord, indeed we are afraid that he will hasten [punishment] against us or that he will transgress.”’ [37:45]

They say ‘Rabbana’ – our Rabb. That is how personal this Name is. They beseech their Rabb, telling Him of their fears. And Allah (swt) responds, reassuring them once more:

‘[Allah] said, “Fear not. Indeed, I am with you both; I hear and I see.’ [37:46]

In another chapter, Moses (as) and the Children of Israel are being hunted down by Pharaoh and his army. They are fast on their heels. The Children of Israel cry out in despair, “Indeed, we are to be overtaken!” ((Qur’an, 26:61)) But Moses (as), firm in his faith, says, “No! Indeed, with me is my Lord [Rabby]; He will guide me.” ((Qur’an, 26:62))

There is a hadith (saying) of the Prophet ﷺ in which he says:

اللّهُمّ إِنّي أَسْأَلُكَ بِأَنّ لَكَ الْحَمْدُ لا إِلَهَ إِلاّ أَنْتَ المنّانُ بَدِيعُ السّمَاواتِ وَاْلأَرْضِ يَاذَا الْجَلاَلِ وَالإِكْرَامِ يَاحَيُّ يَاقَيّومُ

“O Allah, I ask You by virtue of the fact that praise is due to You, there is no god but You, Who shows favor and beneficence, the Originator of the heavens and the earth, O Lord of Majesty and Splendor, O Living One, O Eternal One.”

The Prophet ﷺ then said, “He has supplicated Allah using His Greatest Name; when supplicated by this name, Allah answers, and when asked by this name, He gives.” (Abu Dawud)

There are other sayings with different wordings. Sheikh Ratib an-Nabulsi stated that some are of the opinion that Al-Hayy Al-Qayyum (the Ever-Living, the Sustainer) are His greatest Names, while others were of the opinion that the greatest Name is that which pertains to your situation. For example, if you are poor, you may ask Allah Al-Razzaq (the Provider) or Al-Ghani (the Self-Sufficient). If you are sick, you would ask Al-Shaafi’ (the Healer). Others stated that His greatest Name is Al-Rabb. If we look at the Qur’an, the Prophets (peace be upon them) call on Allah (swt), their Rabb:

‘And [mention] Zechariah, when he called to his Lord, “My Lord (Rabby), do not leave me alone [with no heir], while you are the best of inheritors.”’ [21:89]

The Prophet Zechariah (as) calls out “Rabby” when asking for an heir. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, when he was expelled from Ta’if, made a heartfelt call to his Rabb:

“O Allah! To you alone I complain my weakness, my scarcity of resources, and the humiliation I have been subjected to by people. O Most Merciful of those who have mercy! You are the Lord (Rabb) of the weak, and You are My Lord (Rabby) too.

To whom have you entrusted me? To a distant person who receives me with hostility? Or to an enemy to whom you have granted authority over my affair?

But as long as You are not angry with me, I do no care, except that Your favor is a more expansive relief to me. I seek refuge in the light of Your Face by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set right, lest Your anger or Your displeasure descend upon me.

Yours is the right to reproach until You are pleased. There is no power and no might except by You.”

Al-Rabb is a beautiful Name and attribute of Allah (swt) that should make us feel close to Him. Sheikh Ratib an-Nabulsi likens this attribute, which is sometimes used for a human being, to a compassionate father who takes care of his household. With a human, there has to be an addition, for example ‘rabb al-bayt’ – the rabb of the house. But Allah (swt) is the only One who is Al-Rabb – The Rabb.

Coming alive with this Name

• Look back at your life and see how He has been taking care of you all along

Just like the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, the Prophet Moses (as), Malcolm X, and many more, look back at your life and see how Allah (swt) has been taking care of you. Talk to Him and thank Him for being there with you. Remember that in every hardship there is a lesson from ‘a Merciful Lord’ [36:58].

• Worship your Rabb

Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an:

‘Indeed, Allah is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him. That is the straight path.’ [3:51]

‘And worship your Lord until there comes to you the certainty (death).’ [15:99]

Knowing that Allah (swt) is our Rabb is to worship Him wholeheartedly. And that worship has a sweetness, especially when we know who we are worshipping. As Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an to the people of Paradise:

‘[And] “Peace,” a word from a Merciful Lord.’ [36:58]

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