How to Achieve Tranquility of the Heart Series

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX | Part XX

Sometimes it feels like it’s just too much – these fluctuations in our iman, the repeated sinning, the feeling that “I just don’t deserve Allah’s mercy.” The tests always feel like punishments. There is a constant worry about the future: my marriage, my money, my career, my ummah (community)… And some difficulties just feel like they are too great to overcome. We know we’re not supposed to ask this, but the question at the back of our minds is, “Why me?”

We have all heard that we should never despair of Allah’s Mercy. And on the surface, we try not to, but Shaytaan (the Devil) has a trick. We tend to despair of ourselves and our incapacity to change things, especially the inner turmoil that we feel. And the effect of this is basically the same as despairing of Allah’s mercy. We do not always accept that Allah can take us out of the situation we are in and we don’t need to ‘deserve’ the trouble; Allah isn’t punishing us and we don’t need to be perfect.

This doesn’t mean, however, that we shouldn’t strive, or take ourselves to account when we do mess up. The key is to develop our relationship with Allah during that trouble. If we know Allah, no situation is too hopeless. No sadness is ever permanent. We perceive trials as they are meant to be perceived – as tests of our trust in Allah, forcing us to put our knowledge into practice and bringing us closer to Him. These trials could potentially be a punishment too, that is if we let it affect us negatively by completely turning away from Him because of our sadness. But our awareness of our own state and our understanding of Allah’s Mercy allows us to turn the punishment into something positive that is manifested through repentance to Allah, alongside increasing in hasanat (good deeds) in order to erase the bad deeds.

The first exercise is for us to consciously realize that Allah knows. Whatever grief we go through, whatever hardship we endure, we must understand that we are never alone. Even if we feel abandoned by the world and those closest to us, Allah is there. He reminds us in the Qur’an,

“Fear not. Indeed, I am with you [both]; I hear and I see.” (20:46)

As long as we begin by recognizing that Allah is with us and He is close to us, there remains a solution to our inner worries. There are things we need to know in order to develop our relationship with Allah. Then there are things we need to do in order to maintain that closeness to Allah. And finally, there are things we need to aspire for to achieve the ideal relationship with our Lord. We pray that by the end of the series, we will all have developed a stronger relationship with Allah.

Note: some of us suffer from clinical depression or similar medical conditions, and this needs to be dealt with by a professional. Working on our relationship with Allah no doubt helps, but sometimes more than a spiritual fix may be needed.

Originally posted May 2012

The Qur’an Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

I was not a conscientious Muslim. As I entered my freshman year of high school, I had one very specific goal which I was determined to accomplish: to become popular. “Piety” was not consistent with this goal – at least not in my perspective. It was for this reason that I expressed disdain when my dad announced we would be undertaking the religious journey to Mecca in the summer following my freshman year of high school. I recall telling a friend, “Man, I’m scared. I don’t want to change!” I knew people went to Mecca and then became super religious. I didn’t want that to happen to me.

Mecca

As we entered the Grand Mosque, my dad told my mom, my brother, and me to keep our eyes down until we reached the opening of the Masjid, until we were in a space which would allow for our first glimpse of the House of Allah, the Ka’ba, to be in our full view. As we walked through the halls of the Grand Mosque, I heard my mom and dad crying. I knew this was supposed to be a spiritual experience. I could see that they were going through something incredible, but I felt nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. Finally, we approached steps which led to a great opening. At this point, my dad instructed, “Look up.”

ALLAH! In that moment, my vision was suddenly filled with the beloved Ka’ba. As if awakened from the dead, as if beating for the first time, my heart was immediately gripped indescribably. It suddenly filled with this unexplainable, fully tangible presence of the Creator of the Universe. I began to bawl; I was struck with the realization that this feeling, this closeness to God, could only happen because He truly exists. I began to regret all I had done and all the time I had wasted; I began circumambulating the Ka’ba, weeping, begging Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) to forgive me.

When we returned to America, I had difficulty maintaining my spiritual awakening. I decided that I would begin to read the Qur’an. I reasoned that I could watch hours of television a day and so, at the very least, I had an obligation to read at least five pages a day. I hadn’t touched the Qur’an in years. I’m not Arab, I was not raised knowing Arabic; I had just learnt how to read the letters when joined together when I was really young, like many Muslim children. I hadn’t practiced reading Arabic in so many years that I was painfully slow at it; reading five pages easily turned into an hour ordeal, if not longer. I didn’t understand anything I read, but I kept trying.

One day, my mom passed by my room and suggested, “Maryam, why don’t you read it in English? At least then you’ll understand what you’re reading.” To me, this was a lucrative suggestion; I was a really fast reader in English. If I read half the page in English and half of it in Arabic, it’d take much less time to get through five pages a day.

I began and I transformed. Reading the Qur’an in English and being able to come to an understanding of what its message conveyed captivated me. I began to change internally and it slowly took hold of my external being; my thoughts, my intentions, my actions… I slowly began to internalize a conscientiousness that revolutionized my life. I was mesmerized by the Qur’an and it was then that I decided I would undertake memorizing it.

It took me over seven years to memorize the Qur’an. In the time span that I spent memorizing, I had other responsibilities simultaneously. I was either studying or working full time (or a combination of both), I was the president or lead figure of an organization or community work, and I had familial responsibilities. The only time I was able to focus almost completely on the Qur’an was when I moved to Egypt for eleven months, in which I dedicated about two hours a day to memorization while I also studied Arabic and did Arabic homework for about seven hours of the day. However, the majority of the memorization occurred in America, amidst a crazy schedule. I memorized while I had to take care of life responsibilities; you, too, can memorize while taking care of business.

10 Tips for Serious Seekers of the Qur’an

1. Realize the Reason, Know Allah is Your Guide
   • Why memorize the Qur’an? Because it will give you a constant, incredible, and personally special relationship with The Creator, with The Sustainer, with The One Who has power over all things.
     • You want the best of both worlds? It’s through the Qur’an. It’s through memorizing, understanding, loving and most importantly, living it. When one is sincere about memorizing it, one needs to be completely aware of the heavy responsibility and glorified honor of living as Allah’s servant and carrying His words in their hearts. This must translate into their actions. The key: Sincerity.
   • Make the Intention to Invest in Your Akhira (Hereafter)
     • The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) taught us,  ‘The Qur’aan will meet its companion on the Day of Resurrection when his grave is opened for him, in the form of a pale man. It will say to him, ‘Do you recognize me?’ He will say: ‘I do not recognize you.’ It will say: ‘I am your companion the Qur’aan, who kept you thirsty on hot days and kept you awake at night. Every merchant benefits from his business and today you will benefit from your good deeds.’ He will be given dominion in his right hand and eternity in his left, and there will be placed on his head a crown of dignity, and his parents will be clothed with priceless garments the like of which have never been seen in this world. They will say: ‘Why have we been clothed with this?’ It will be said: ‘Because your son used to recite Qur’aan.’ Then it will be said to him: ‘Recite and ascend in the degrees of Paradise,’ and he will continue to ascend so long as he recites, either at a fast pace or a slow pace.’ [Ahmad, Ibn Majah]
   • Know that Allah is with You
     • Allah Most High says in a Hadith Qudsi (record containing the words of God), “When my servant takes one step towards Me, I take ten steps towards him. When my servant comes walking towards me, I come running towards him.” Recognize that you are not alone; that it is the One Who revealed these words Who will help you learn and retain them. The struggle must begin with the servant, but the Lord is the One Who will continually open the way and aid you through the struggle.
2. When it’s Hard, There is Twice the Reward
   • Wait, what? You don’t understand Arabic? Wait, what? You aren’t Arab? Wait, you’re Arab, but your tajweed (rules of recitation/pronunciation) is really off?
     • For you, the Prophet ﷺ has shared words of encouragement, “Such a person who recites the Qur’an and masters it by heart, will be with the noble righteous scribes (in Heaven). And such a person exerts himself to learn the Qur’an by heart, and recites it with great difficulty, will have a double reward,” (Muslim).
3. Start Correctly and Use Technology
   • Find a Teacher or Qur’an Buddy, Learn tajweedand Work Consistently
     • When I first decided I would commit to memorizing, I found a teacher and told her I was ready. But I had never studied tajweed and my recitation was completely incorrect! She asked me, “Do you want to memorize, or do you want to memorize correctly? There is no point in memorizing it wrong and then having to go back and do it all over again.”
     • The most difficult test I came across with memorizing the Qur’an was not being able to find a consistent teacher. This sometimes led to many months of not memorizing anything and only working on review. When I didn’t find a teacher, I turned to friends who could help me with my tajweed and we became Qur’an buddies. On campus, over the phone, in cars in random parking lots, in-between running from one meeting to another, we would recite to one another and we would keep each other in check until we were able to find teachers. A teacher (or if you can’t find one, a Qur’an buddy) is CRITICAL to progress with the Qur’an.
     • One of the best things that has ever happened to me in my entire life, all praise and thanks be to God, was being blessed with the Qur’an teacher that helped me so immensely through my memorization: Shaykh Moheb. I learned love for the Qur’an, commitment to the Qur’an, a life of gratitude and incredible contentment because of the Qur’an and a balanced perspective through the Qur’an from him. Seeing I was not Arab and was trying to memorize the Qur’an correctly, he took it upon himself to see me through it. May God bless his family in both worlds. I made du`a’ (supplication)(fervently) for a teacher like this for many years and was blessed with more than for what I made du`a’, but it took patience and continual struggle until I was rewarded with a teacher of such caliber. Seek the best teacher you can find and if they are not there, keep making du`a’ for one and work through other avenues.
     • Use technology to assist you; to help practice your tajweed and help you memorize, there are a number of resources dedicated to those who want to memorize the Qur’an. If you have ever used one, please feel free to share what has worked for you!
4. Date the Qu’ran
   • When I was MSA President in college, I had many responsibilities added to my academic, work, volunteer, knowledge, and familial obligations. However, everyday, I made a special date with the Qur’an that no one could touch. My phone was away, my email was gone – I was booked for that time period and it didn’t matter how huge of an event I needed to prepare for the next day. Just as we make time for people, work and classes, we need to schedule in time to meet up with the Qur’an and strive to show it that we’re sincere and serious about a long-term relationship.
5. The Qur’an is Where the Party’s At
   • Sometimes, memorizing the Qur’an means denying invitations to social gatherings. Don’t get me wrong; it is ESSENTIAL for one’s spiritual and emotional well-being to be balanced and have social connections and relationships regularly. However, there will be times when the portion that must be memorized is going to take more time and that means leaving early from or not being able to make it to the party. These are sacrifices we make for Allah (swt) and the Qur’an and He replaces them with better if we pay attention.
6. Make Du`a’Constantly
   • In every prayer, in every moment of prostration, between every athan (call to prayer) and iqama (call to begin prayer), ask God to make us of the Ahlul Qur’an (the people of the Qur’an), those whom the Prophet ﷺ taught, “The people of the Qur’an are the people of Allah and His special servants,” (An-Nisa’i). Realize you are not alone. There are some du`a’ I began making seven years ago and they only have started to manifest six or seven years after I started making them rigorously. There will be times one might want to give up, one might feel like there’s no progress, one might feel like everyone else is finishing so quickly, so easily, and that nothing is clicking. Wait. Be patient. Keep working and keep making du`a’. Soon, everything will open because of your sincerity , work and du`a’ and when it does, every second of the struggle is so much sweeter and so much more worth it.
7. Trade a Mushaf (Qur’an) with Someone and Understand What You’re Memorizing
   • When starting, find someone else who wants to begin and give them a mushaf (written Qur’an) and ask them to give you one as well. This way, every time they or you work on memorizing, you’re both receiving incredible rewardsfrom each other’s memorization.
   • It can be more difficult to memorize if one has no clue what the meaning of the verses are. If one does not understand the language of the Qur’an, make sure to also keep a translation close by to read from it to contextualize the verses and pick up on the meaning.
8. Do Good Deeds “For the Sake of the Qur’an”
   • When one experiences extra difficulty in memorizing or has just finished a great portion, give some small financial or action-based charity and ask Allah (swt) to accept it for the Qur’an; ask Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala fervently for tawfiq (success), for sincerity, and for a love life with His Words.
   • The Qur’an is special and it does not “need” us. We need the Qur’an to guide us and to enrich our lives. The Qur`an isn’t going to just come to anyone who attempts to memorize it, then leaves it, then attempts it, then leaves it. It also doesn’t just easily lend itself to individuals who knowingly commit sins and persist in those sins without regret and without seeking to change. As one Shaykh taught, “The Qur’an is Aziz (dear, noble, venerated). If you don’t want to be with it or memorize it, then it’s not going to ‘wait around’ for you.” You want to be special to the Qur’an? Work for it through your righteous actions when you’re not working with it directly.
9. Honor One’s Parents
   • As I learned from an anecdote shared by Imam Suhaib Webb, the pleasure of one’s parents incredibly aids in easing the memorization of the Qur`an. The more one wants to memorize, the more one should increase in treating their parents with dignity, respect and appreciation through words, through actions and through merciful companionship. (Thank you Mom and Dad!!)
10. The Qur’an Should Spark an Internal Revolution
    • Even more important than memorizing the Qur’an is allowing it catalyze one’s transformation. If one’s character is not reforming and improving, there’s a serious problem. Check your heart from the start and keep checking it; one’s actions should become more balanced and stronger in quality when interacting with the Qur’an.

Many people feel facing the challenge of memorizing the Qur`an is too difficult of a task. They may have tried it and given up, dabbled in it and lost focus or drive or simply refused to consider the idea because they feel it insurmountable. Think of memorizing the Qur`an like lifting weights. For a person who has never worked out and who desires the health benefits of increasing their strength, they may begin with just a few pounds. As they continue, the amounts they began with will feel insignificant in comparison to the heavy amounts they are now able to lift.

Similarly, beginning the memorization of the Qur’an seems difficult. One verse, two verses, may take a long time to memorize correctly; getting the pronunciation down perfectly may take years, remembering the order of the words may be a frustrating task. However, when one commits to it and makes it a part of their daily responsibilities, it becomes easier and easier. The two verses that took an hour to memorize will turn into the memorization of one entire page in fifteen minutes.

The Qur’an is easy and The One Who revealed the Qur`an tells us, “And We have certainly made the Qur’an easy for remembrance, so is there any who will remember?” (Qur`an, 54:17). It just takes dedication, commitment and time. Even if it takes you, as it took me, seven years, ten years, fifteen years, imagine being able to say, “I had a seven-year memorization relationship with the Qur’an and the quality of my life improved in every second. Now that I’m finished, an incredibly exciting chapter of our long-term, eternal relationship is about to begin!”

We all seek for our hearts to be in a state of contentment, tranquility and ease. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala tells us, “Those who believe, and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest,” (Qur‘an, 13: 28).

The best form of remembrance is that of the Qur`an. Will you allow your heart to find rest through it?

Originally published in December 2010

There are big-name companions of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) like Salmān al-Fārisi, Bilāl, Abu Bakr and `Umar radi allahu `anhum (may Allah be pleased with them) whom we’ve heard so much about. Their journeys to Islam, and how they sacrificed for the sake of the truth brings smiles to our faces, or sometimes brings us to tears – and always make us feel connected to our Islamic heritage. There are other companions whom we don’t hear about as often, but their lives are also filled with struggles and exemplary behavior that deserves our attention.

One of these lesser-known companions is Sa`īd ibn `Amir al-Jumahy. His story is translated below, with some modification, from the book Suwar Min Hayāt Al-Sahābah (Glimpses from the Lives of the Companions) by Dr. `Abd al-Rahmān Ra’fat Al-Bāsha. I hope you find his story as moving and inspiring as I have, and may it resonate deeply in your heart, mind and soul.

Sa`īd’s story begins when he was a young boy living in Makkah. It was his fate to witness something that would haunt him forever, yet transform his life completely.

He was among thousands of people invited to watch the killing of Khubayb ibn `Adiy, a companion of the Prophet ﷺ, whom the Quraysh had captured. Sa`īd had a tall stature and strong build, so he managed to push through to the frontlines and get a close-up view of the Quraysh’s captive. He saw Khubayb weighed down in chains as women and children pushed him into the arena of death. They all wanted to avenge Muhammad ﷺ through killing Khubayb, and also get revenge for their dead in the Battle of Badr.

Sa`īd watched as they brought Khubayb up to the cross to be crucified. He heard his calm, firm voice, amidst the screaming women and children, make the request: “If you could let me pray two rak`as (units of prayer) before my death, please do so.” He saw him face the qiblah (direction of prayer), and pray with complete composure and contentment. After his prayer, Khubayb turned to the leaders of Quraysh and said fearlessly: “By Allah, if you hadn’t assumed that I’m elongating my prayer out of fear of death, I would have lengthened my prayer.”

Then, with his own two eyes, Sa`īd saw his people mutilate Khubayb alive. They cut up his body, piece by piece, while having the nerve to challenge Khubayb: “Would you like Muhammad to be in your place and you be saved?” He responded without hesitation: “By Allah, I wouldn’t like that I be secure with my family and children while Muhammad is even pricked with one thorn…”

The spectators were infuriated. They threw their hands up in the air and yelled even louder than before: “Kill him! Kill him!” Sa`īd could see Khubayb looking towards the sky from atop the cross, saying: “Allāhumma-ahsihim `adadā, waqtulhum badadā, wa lā tughādir minhum ahadā (O Allah, count them all, wipe them out, and don’t leave any of them out).” Then he breathed his final breaths, being left with countless cuts and gashes from all the swords and spears that struck him.

Soon afterward, everyone dispersed. The people of Quraysh got caught up in other events and forgot about Khubayb and his death. But this young boy, Sai`d ibn `Amir, never forgot Khubayb for a moment. He would see him in his dreams when he slept, and he would see his image while awake – being mutilated in front of him, and praying those two calm rak`as before he was crucified. He would hear the echo of Khubayb’s voice as he supplicated against the Quraysh, fearing that he would be counted in the supplication and be struck with a thunderbolt, or that a boulder would fall on him from the sky.

Sa`īd learned from Khubayb what he didn’t know before. He learned that the true life is a life of belief and conviction in God, and struggling for the sake of this belief until death. He also learned that deep-rooted imān (faith in God) can give you unimaginable strength. And there’s one more thing he learned: that a man whose companions loved him that much, must be a Messenger receiving Divine help from the heavens.

It was through these realizations that Allah guided Sa`īd to Islam. He wasted no time and stood up in front of a group of people and announced his Islam, and his disassociation from the sins and evil acts of Quraysh, and from their idols and false gods.

Sa`īd migrated to Madinah and accompanied the Prophet ﷺ; he witnessed the Battle of Khaybar with him and other battles after that. When the beloved Messenger ﷺ passed away, Sa`īd was at the disposal of Abu Bakr and `Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) during their caliphates, and he lived a life that was uniquely exemplary to the believers. Both successors of the Prophet ﷺ knew of Sa`īd’s honesty and God-consciousness, and they would take his advice, and listen intently to his words. On one occasion, during the beginning of `Umar’s caliphate, Sa`īd came to `Umar and said,

“O `Umar, I advise you to fear Allah in dealing with people, and not to fear the people over Allah. Don’t let your words contradict your actions, for the best of speech is that which the actions attest to…

O `Umar, never lose sight of those whom Allah has given you responsibility over, from the Muslims near and far. Love for them what you love for yourself and your family, and hate for them what you would hate for yourself and your family. Tread through the challenges to reach the truth, and by Allah, don’t fear the blame of the blamers.”

“Who can handle all this Sa`īd?!” `Umar asked passionately.

“Someone like you whom Allah has given leadership over the Ummah of Muhammad ﷺ, and whom no one stands between him and Allah.”

At that point, `Umar sought Sa`īd’s assistance. He said, “Sa`īd, I am making you a governor of Hims ((Hims is a city in present-day Syria)) .” Sa`īd replied, “O `Umar, I beg you by Allah, don’t put me through this trial.”

`Umar got angry and said, “Woe to you… you put this matter (i.e. the caliphate) around my neck and then you abandon me! By Allah, I won’t let you go.” So `Umar appointed Sa`īd as the governor of Hims, and asked, “Shall we pay you?” Sa`īd quickly refused: “And what would I do with it, O Amir al-Mu’minīn?! ((Leader of the Believers))  My right from the Treasury already surpasses my needs.” Then `Umar left Sa`īd to govern Hims.

After a short time, a group of people from Hims, whom `Umar trusted, passed through town. He asked them to write down the names of their poor people so he can get their needs met. They gave him a list, and lo and behold, one of the names was Sa`īd ibn `Amir.

Shocked, `Umar said: “Who is Sa`īd ibn `Amir?!”

They said, “He is our Amir.” ((Leader))

“Your Amir is poor?!” `Umar asked with astonishment.

They affirmed, “Yes, and by Allah, days would pass by and no light (i.e. fire for cooking) would be lit in his home.”

On hearing this, `Umar wept until his beard became wet with tears. He took 1,000 dinars and put them in a sack, instructing the people of Hims: “Send him my salaam and tell him that Amir al-Mu’minīn sent you this money to assist you in fulfilling your needs.”

The delegation brought the money to Sa`īd. He opened the sack and found money in it, but immediately pushed it away, saying, “Innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhi raji`ūn (to Allah we belong and to Him is our return)” as if a catastrophe had befallen him.

Startled, his wife asked: “What is wrong Sa`īd…? Did Amir al-Mu’minīn pass away?!”

“No, worse than that,” said Sa`īd.

“Have the Muslims been struck by a calamity?!”

“No, worse than that.”

“And what can be worse than that?!”

“The dunya (material world) has come to destroy my (outcome for the) hereafter, and the fitnah (trial) has entered my home.”

Not knowing anything about the money, she said easily: “Get rid of it.”

“Will you help me in doing so?”

“Yes,” she replied.

So they both rationed the dinars into sacks, and distributed them to the poor Muslims in Hims.

It wasn’t long before `Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) came to al-Shām to check up on its affairs. Hims at the time was known as Al-Kuwayfa (the smaller Kūfa) because it was similar to Kūfa in that its people used to complain from their leaders like the people of Kūfa. When `Umar went to Hims, the people greeted him, and he asked them, “How do you find your Amir?”

They immediately complained about him and brought up four issues – each one being worse than the previous one. `Umar said: “I brought them together (Sa`īd and his people), and prayed to Allah that He doesn’t disappoint me in (Sa`īd) because I had a great deal of trust in him.”

When they were all before him, he asked again, “What are your complaints about your Amir?”

They replied, “He doesn’t come out to us until late morning.”

“What do you have to say about this Sa`īd?” `Umar asked.

He remained quiet for a bit, then said: “By Allah, I would hate to say this, but now I have to; my family has no servant, so I wake up every morning and knead the dough for them. Then I rest a little until it rises. Then, I bake it for them. Then I make ablution, and go out to meet the people.

“And what other complaint do you have about him?” `Umar asked.

“He doesn’t respond to anyone who calls for him at night,” they said.

“What do you have to say about this Sa`īd?” `Umar asked again.

He replied, “By Allah, I would hate to mention this too… I have devoted the day to (serving) them and the night to (worshipping) Allah, the Glorious and Almighty.”

“And what other complaint do you have about him?” `Umar said.

They said, “There is one day out of every month where he doesn’t come out at all.”

“And what is this Sa`īd?” `Umar asked.

Sa`īd said, “I don’t have a servant, O Amir al-Mu’minīn, and I don’t have any clothing except what’s on me now. So, I wash it once a month and wait (at home) for it to dry, and then I go out to the people at the end of the day.”

“And what is your last complaint about him?” `Umar asked.

They said, “From time to time he loses consciousness, and becomes unaware of those he is sitting with.”

“And what is this Sa`īd?!” `Umar exclaimed.

Sa`īd said, “I witnessed the killing of Khubayb ibn `Adiy while I was a mushrik. And I saw the Quraysh mutilate and cut up his body while asking him: ‘Would you like Muhammad to be in your place and you to be saved?’ But, Khubayb responded: ‘By Allah, I would not like that I be secure with my family and children while Muhammad ﷺ is even pricked with one thorn…’

And by Allah, there is not one day that I remember this and how I didn’t help him except that I think Allah will not forgive me for it; and that is when I lose consciousness.”

At this point, `Umar exclaimed, “Praise be to Allah Who did not disappoint me in him!”

Then he sent Sa`īd another 1,000 dinars to help him with his needs. When Sa`īd’s wife saw the money, she said,

“Alhamdulillah (praise be to Allah) that we no longer have to depend on your service. Go buy us food, and bring us a servant.”

Sa`īd told her, “Are you interested in something better?”

“What would that be?” she asked.

“We give it to the One who sent it to us, while we are in great need of it.”

“And how is that?”

“We loan it to Allah as a goodly loan.” (Qur’an, 64:17)

“Yes,” she agreed, “and may you be rewarded good (for this),” she said.

Sa`īd didn’t get up from his place until he took all 1,000 dinars and divided them up in sacks again. He told someone from his family, “Take them to the widow of this person, and to all these orphans, and to the needy of that family, and to the poor of such and such families.”

This was the simple, humble, devout life of Sa`īd ibn `Amir, who always preferred others over himself, even though he was in desperate privation.

May Allah be pleased with Sa`īd, and Khubayb, and all the companions. And may He purify our hearts, and grant us the strength and courage to follow in the footsteps of the righteous.

By Zahra

The Virtues of the first 10 days of Dhul Hijjah ((the last month of the Islamic calendar and the month of pilgrimage)) :

1. Ahadith (narrations) of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him):

قال النبي –صلى الله عليه وسلم-( مامن أيام العمل الصالح فيها أحب إلى الله من هذه الأيام قالوا يا رسول الله : ولا الجهاد في سبيل الله قال ولا الجهاد في سبيل الله إلا رجل خرج بنفسه وماله فلم يرجع من ذلك بشئ) رواه البخاري

The Prophet ﷺ said: “There are no days in which good deeds are more beloved to Allah than during these days. The Sahaba said: O Rasul Allah [Messenger of God], not even jihad in the path of Allah? He ﷺ said: Not even jihad in the path of Allah except for the man who goes out in the path of Allah with his life and his wealth and returns with neither of them.”

وقال ( أفضل أيام الدنيا أيام العشر) رواه البزار وصححه الالبانى.

And he ﷺ said: “The best days of this world are these ten.”

2. Allah swears by these 10 days in the Qur’an:

قول الله تعالى: ((وَالْفَجْرِ، وَلَيَالٍ عَشْرٍ)) سورة الفجر (1-2)، قال ابن كثير رحمه الله: المراد بها عشر ذي الحجة

Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) says: “By the dawn, and by the 10 nights,” [Qur’an, 89:1-2]. Ibn ‘Abbas, Ibn al-Zubayr, Mujahid and others of the earlier and later generations said that this refers to the first ten days of Dhul Hijjah. Ibn Katheer said: “This is the correct opinion.”

قال تعالى: ((وَيَذْكُرُوا اسْمَ اللَّهِ فِي أَيَّامٍ مَّعْلُومَاتٍ)) سورة الحج(28)، قال ابن عباس: أيام العشر

Allah says: “…and mention the name of Allah on appointed days,” [Qur’an, 22:28]. Ibn ‘Abbas said these are the ten days.

3. These ten days are better than Ramadan:

قال المحققون من أهل العلم: أيام عشر ذي الحجة أفضل الأيام، وليالي العشر الأواخر من رمضان أفضل الليالي.

Most scholars adopt the opinion that these days are better than the last ten days of Ramadan. However, what holds the last ten days of Ramadan at a higher status is the Night of Power (Laylat ul-Qadr) which is equivalent to one thousand months (83.33 years).

تضاعف فيها الحسنات قال ابن عباس”: العمل فيهن بسبعمائة ضعف”

The rewards are multiplied in these days. Ibn ‘Abbas said: “(The reward for good) deeds are multiplied seven hundred times in these days.”

قال الاوزاعى: “بلغني أن العمل في أيام العشر كقدر غزوة في سبيل الله يصام نهارها ويحرس ليلها إلا أن يختص امرء بشهادة”

Al Awzaa’i said: “I was informed that good deeds during the ten days are the equivalent (in reward) to a battle in the path of Allah, in which the day is spent in fasting and the night in safeguarding, except if one is bestowed with martyrdom.”

In Ramadan, doing good deeds and struggling in worship, especially during the last ten nights, is easier than during these days for a few reasons. Firstly, the atmosphere of the month of Ramadan, whether culturally, spiritually, or traditionally, makes it easier to focus and strive. Secondly, the shayateen (devils) are chained. So, to get that drive and direction we had in Ramadan is much harder when we have most likely fallen out of “Ramadan mode.” However, since the `ibada (worship) is more difficult, the reward is greater. So let’s keep this in mind and get ready to really work hard.

The Plan of Action for these 10 days:

1. Really feel this blessing and realize that it is an opportunity of a lifetime, because none of us know if we will witness these 10 days again.

كان خالد بن معدان يقول( إذا فتح لأحدكم باب للخير فليسرع فاءنه لا يدرى متى يغلق عنه

Khalid bin Mi`dan used to say: “If the door for good is opened for one of you, then rush (to take advantage) because you don’t know when it will close.”

2. Have high aspirations in your worship and use the examples of the ijtihad (diligence) of the saliheen (righteous) as motivation.

3. Take advantage of the opportunities to get the reward of Hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca) while being elsewhere.

قال-صلى الله عليه وسلم-( من صلى الفجر في جماعة ثم قعد يذكر الله حتى تطلع الشمس ثم صلى ركعتين كانت له كأجر حجة وعمرة تامة تامة تامة

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Whoever prays fajr [the pre-dawn prayer] in congregation and then sits in remembrance of Allah until the sun rises, then prays two rak`aat [units of prayer], he has the full reward of Hajj and `umrah (the lesser pilgrimage).”

4. Perfect the fara’idh (obligatory actions):

Often times we become busy trying to do extra deeds, but neglect the fact that perhaps maybe what is obligatory upon us is not at the level it should be. There is no way for a person to become close to Allah (swt) other than through the obligatory actions, as is apparent in the famous hadith qudsi (sacred narration) in which Allah (swt) says: “My servant does not become closer to me by anything more beloved to me than what I have obligated upon him.”

Reasonable Goals:

1. Khatm (Complete Recitation) of Qur’an:

It is equivalent to more than half a million hasanaat (good deeds) during these days. Let’s try to complete the recitation of the Qur’an during these days, ending by `Asr (the afternoon prayer) time on the day of `Arafah (the ninth day of Dhul-Hijjah) and spending from `Asr to Magrhib (the post-sunset prayer) in du`a’ (supplication).

2. Qiyam al-Layl (Late Night Prayer):

Rasulallah (the Messenger of God) ﷺ said: “Whoever stands in prayer, reciting 1,000 verses, is written among the muqantareen.” A qintar (the root of muqantareen) is equal to 70,000 dinar. The recitation of the last two ajzaa’ (parts) of the Qur’an is equivalent to 1,000 verses.

3. Extra Salah (Prayer) During the Day:

The Prophet ﷺ said: “There is not a Muslim who prays twelve rak`aat per day, other than the obligatory prayers, except that a palace is built for him in paradise.”

4. Dhikr: The best form of worship to do in these ten days as apparent in the hadith (narration):

Ibn `Umar said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “There is no day more honorable in Allah ‘s sight and no acts more beloved therein to Allah than those in these ten days. So say tahlil [‘There is no deity worthy of worship but Allah: La ilaha illAllah‘], takbir [‘Allah is the greatest: Allahu akbar‘] and tahmid [‘All praise is due to Allah: alhumdulillah‘] a lot.” [Ahmad, 7/224]

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “The best du`a’ is du`a’ on the day of `Arafah, and the best thing that I or the Prophets before me have said is ‘There is no god but Allah, alone, without any partner’ [La ilaha illa’llah, wahdahu la sharika lah].” [Muwatta, Malik].

7. Reviving the Sunnah of Takbir [‘Allahu Akbar‘]:

Ibn `Umar and Abu Hurairah radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleases with him) used to go out in the marketplace during the first ten days of Dhul-Hijjah, reciting takbir, and the people would recite takbir when they heard them.

8. Fasting:

The reward of fasting is great, so imagine how much that reward would be multiplied in these days. If one can’t fast all of the 9 days, then at least on the day of `Arafah as it is the greatest day.

Abu Qatadah reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Fasting on the day of ‘Arafah is an expiation for two years, the year preceding it and the year following it. Fasting the day of `Ashura is an expiation for the year preceding it.” [This is related by “the group,” except for al-Bukhari and at-Tirmidhi.]

The Prophet ﷺ said “There is no day that Allah will free people more than the day of `Arafah.”

`Ali (ra) used to advise people to say, “O Allah, free my neck from the fire,” on the day of `Arafah.

9. Du`a’:

Especially on the day of `Arafah, but also at anytime. Keep in mind the times where du`a’ is more likely to be accepted and ask during those times.

• The last third of the night
• Between the adhaan and iqaamah
• During the rain
• In sujood
• On Friday
• While fasting

10. Sadaqa (Charity):

Give sadaqa during these days, since the reward is multiplied tremendously.

11. Tawbah (Asking for Forgiveness):

Continually renew repentance.

12. Establish Ikhlas (Sincerity) in `ibada (Worship).

13. Check and renew intentions at all times.

The Day of `Eid

On the greatest day, remained focused as it is still part of the first 10 days which are the best days of the year! Try not to get too caught up in celebrating that you stop doing the worship that you were doing the first 9 days.

The day of ‘Eid is a day for visiting family and performing the sacrifice for one who is able.

Reconstructing Beauty Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

A Clarification on Beautifying Gender Relations Within the Community

Co-ed Love for the Sake of Allah? Part 1 | Part 2

Photo: Pictoscribe

I was standing next to the grave, supplicating quietly to Allah for the man we just buried. He was a family relative, loved by many alhamdulilLah (praise be to God). As I stood there, a few other women came and also started to supplicate. They spoke aloud in a low voice, “We never heard anything but good from you or about you, so we ask Allah to accept all your good deeds and forgive your sins, and accept you into Paradise…” I was touched by something in this moment. I didn’t know them personally, we didn’t exchange words but I was taught by their example. They displayed the most beautiful adab (manners) of brotherhood and sisterhood for their deceased Muslim brother, who was not directly related to them. Subhan’Allah (glory be to God), when the heart is pure, the “rules” emanate naturally without effort. Everything in their manner, speech, and conduct was modest, respectful and filled with noble love.

The code of inter-gender relations comes from this noble kind of love. It is generous in giving, while conscious of Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala (exalted is He). It is full of haya.’ Haya’ is sometimes described as ‘shyness’, but misunderstood to mean a desire to hide, to be nervous, overly self-conscious, and unable to communicate. This is not the meaning of haya’ and it’s a real shame that men and women are sometimes taught social anxiety in the name of haya’. Haya’ comes from consciousness of Allah (swt)—that a servant of Allah would feel too “shy” to commit an open and indecent sin in the presence of the Most High, that they feel humbled in the presence of the Creator, so they honor His creation. The believer is not a show-off for any of their blessings. Rather they are grateful, and hope to use their many gifts in the service of their Lord. One of the most graceful ways to serve Allah (swt) is by serving and honoring His creation, in the manner that He approves. This is our code as brothers and sisters.

“The believing men and believing women are allies of one another.” (Qu’ran, 9:71)

The 10 Principles

1. Be sincere in your interactions.

The Prophet ﷺ (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) taught us, “Truly, actions are according to their intentions.” ((Bukhari)) All interaction with God’s creation is a reflection of our interaction with the Creator. When a person truly relies on God and seeks Him first and foremost, they let go of the need for approval from others and seek it only from Him (swt). As a result, the way they work with others has to do with God’s approval, not that of others. When we deal with the opposite sex, it’s important to make sure we are not *needy for some form of approval from them, and especially the kind that should only be sought from a spouse (ie: sexual attention, seeking their admiration). However, God loves for us to love and respect our brothers and sisters. If we’re seeking God’s approval in our interactions then we open our hearts in a noble way towards one another with the best of manners. Facial expressions, body language, tone of voice and the general energy brought into interactions should be respectful and professional. One who is sincere in seeking only Allah’s approval and not wanting something from the people will find it very natural to follow the rest of the guidelines.

What this looks like in person: Imagine you’re speaking to a boss, a professor or perhaps an older individual in the mosque. In most situations, even if you were buddies with that person, you’d still have a level of respect in your interactions with them that would be different from your friend at school. Do the same thing when you interact with someone of the opposite sex. It doesn’t mean you need to be cold. You need not be overtly rude or intimidating. If you are typically a really humorous and laid back person, you don’t need to radically change your personality so that the person/people you’re with don’t laugh. Just be yourself in a professional and courteous way.

What this looks like online/social media: Be mindful of your online conversations and avoid saying what you would feel uncomfortable having your parent or someone you respect overhear. Question your intentions before commenting or messaging. Only you and God know if what you’re doing is for the right reasons. This is one of the most powerful and dynamic limits of Allah (swt) because it actually builds your confidence. The habit of checking and renewing the intention develops a foundation of sincerity between you and Allah, and of good-will between you and His creation.

2. Make your interaction purposeful and professional.

There’s an Islamic legal maxim that states, “The origins of things is permissibility.” In other words, unless there is something that is expressly prohibited when it comes to interactions and worldly issues, it is allowed. However, when it came to the issue of gender relations specifically, some scholars used a different maxim: “The origin of inter-gender interactions is impermissibility, unless expressly permitted.” In other words, inter-gender interaction, unless there was an absolute necessity, major benefit attained, major harm prevented, or something not considered harmful in a particular cultural context, would generally be avoided.

These scholars also cited the principle of sadd al-tharee’ah—that whatever leads to a prohibited act in and of itself becomes prohibited. In this regard, cultural context becomes increasingly important. This is because in some cultures, specific actions may be misunderstood as an invitation to something prohibited, while in others, it is simply a respectful interaction.

As an example, a polite joke about the weather with the cashier at a grocery store is seen as neighborly small talk in the United States but can be understood as flirting in a different cultural context. For this other culture, scholars may consider the polite joke prohibited because it would lead to un-lowered and lustful gazes and conversation that points to something more. But to apply the latter understanding to our context in the west would be a great disservice. Here, the action and words do not imply sexual interest in the least, but rather is received as acceptable, polite conversation. And even in the same context, to overdo it leads to a misapplication of the law and the creation of a sub-culture that is foreign to the spirit of Islam. Shaykh Al-Rasuni mentions that the overextension of the legal principle sadd al-tharee’ah can create extremism and turn perfectly halal situations into haram ones. ((al-Raysuni, Ahmad)) So it should be applied with care, lest we turn Islam into something it is not.

If you look at both approaches—“The origin of interactions is allowed except what is prohibited,” and “the origin of interactions is prohibited except what is allowed”—they both lead to the same conclusion: Interactions should be purposeful, there should be a reason that is not suspect according to a particular culture, there are limits and it is not a complete free-for-all.

What this looks like in person: The on-campus Muslim Students Association (MSA) holds a meeting to discuss an upcoming event. There is purpose in their reason for coming together. They do not have to robotically and mechanically only ask “yes” or “no” questions, sticking to a script to ensure every word has a specific purpose. There can be polite small talk in asking about each other’s schoolwork and checking in on each other’s families. Now again, things go back to intention (point 1). On the outside things can be purposeful, but if on the inside things are not, it leads to Allah’s displeasure. A brother can tutor a study group of brothers and sisters for a class they are taking in college together in a noble way. He can also do so to enjoy the attention and admiration of the sisters and use that space for his own desires. On the outside no one may notice the difference, but on the inside Allah (swt) always does. A blessed interaction is both purposeful on the outside and pure on the inside.

What this looks like online/social media: Keep it purposeful and professional. No need to play online games with someone of the opposite sex. No need to start private conversations or comment in an over-relaxed, joking manner on posts or pictures.From emails, the messaging on social media, SnapChat, etc.—don’t do anything that you would be ashamed to do in front of someone you love and respect, like the Prophet ﷺ. Know that Allah (swt) sees you above all, and wants your honor and integrity to be protected.

3. Cover your ‘awra (nakedness).

In short, the ‘awra of men is from their naval to their knees. However, it is highly encouraged for men to cover beyond this. In other words, it’s not modest to show up without a shirt or a super tight one and skinny jeans, exposing a brother’s form. For women, even in the most lenient opinions, the minimum that should be covered is everything but the face, hands, and feet, in loose, non-form fitting, opaque clothing. Traditionally some scholars allowed kuhl and powder as allowable make-up, and some allowed the plucking of eyebrows in our times. There are opinions that are much more encompassing, but deliberately being shared here is the base minimum for anyone interested in following a valid scholarly opinion within our tradition.

An important point of clarification is needed here. When we think of a woman’s public dress in Islam, the Prophetic understanding was that it was a level more modest than that of men. There is an incident where the Prophet ﷺ gives a companion a thawb (dress) and later sees that companion and asks him why he does not wear it. The companion says he let his wife wear it. To this the Prophet encourages him to tell his wife to wear something under it because he fears that her form would show if she wears it without a layer under it (the way a man would). In other words, the ‘awra of a woman requires an additional standard of looseness. ((Kuwaiti Encyclopedia of Fiqh, `awra’))

Now, what does that mean for men and women struggling to maintain these general dress guidelines? Does that mean they should not be permitted into Muslim spaces when the opposite sex will be present, nor organize campus or community events? Absolutely not! All should be welcome; all of us struggle with different aspects of our worship and this is simply one that’s more obvious because it’s outer. Principle number 4 means each of us are responsible for what we see. At the same time, even if one does not normally cover the full ‘awra, when it comes to sacred spaces such as the Masajid as the Houses of Allah, we should make an extra effort to wear our most God-pleasing clothing there, as a way of showing extra deference to our Creator. This is not an act of hypocrisy; it’s an act of respect. This is simply an explanation of guidelines while recognizing each person has their own journey, struggle, and varying abilities to perform. The scholars also differentiated between `awra ghaleetha and `awra khafeefa: that some body parts or more `awra’ than others. A person may try to grow gradually in their dress hoping to ease the path toward following all its guidelines.

A couple of critical points to take into consideration:

A. Hijab for women is not about Men.

When Muslim women are asked why do they wear hijab, the simple answer is, “Because God asked me to” not “Because men asked me to.” Hijab is about Allah (swt) and submitting to His will and trusting His way. It’s an incredibly spiritual act especially today because you must strive to remove the desire for human approval completely in order to practice it well. Allah (swt) says, “that is purer for you.” Hijab is a purification. For some, hijab may help purify the tendency towards vanity. For others, it is simply a constant physical reminder that our goal in life is to please our Creator. The experience of hijab for many is described as “liberating” and “a divine gift” as it encourages us to recognize our own spiritual and intellectual center, and compels us to honor, even celebrate this most sacred part of ourselves as we deal with the world.

B. Hijab is not meant to erase physical beauty, but honor it.

What happens if a woman covers herself appropriately, and people still feel tempted by her or are attracted to her? Beauty is not a woman’s ‘fault’, and she is not asked to hide because others can’t control their feelings. Rather, they must lower their gaze and purify their thoughts.

Ibn Abbas said: “A beautiful woman, from among the most beautiful of women, used to pray behind the Prophet ﷺ. Some of the people used to go to pray in the first row to ensure they would not be able to see her. Others would pray in the last row of the men, and they would look from underneath their armpits to see her. Because of this act, in regard to her, Allah revealed, “And We have already known the preceding [generations] among you, and We have already known the later [ones to come],” (Qu’ran, 15:24). ((This hadith is found in ibn Majah, Abu Dawud, Tayalisi, Baihaqi, Ahmad, Tirmidhi, and Nasai and it is judged SAHIH by Albani. He includes it as #3472 in his Silsilat al-Ahadith as-Sahih))

In this incident, Allah (swt) does not reveal that a barrier be put up to block off the view of the women’s side. He does not ask the woman to not come to the masjid. She is not told to wear niqab. She is not asked to pray in the last lines. Allah is addressing the men and these are verses revealed after the command of hijab was in place. Allah is telling them that He knows what is in their hearts. Hijab is not to remove all beauty from a woman. Rather, it is to let her define her sense of beauty by donning the dress and character that pleases God.

4. Lower your gaze.

God commands the believing men and women to lower from their gazes in the Qur’an. ((Qur’an 24:30-31)) The imperative word here is “from.” Scholars have commented that looking at each other in and of itself is not prohibited, for if it was the word “from” would have been omitted in the command. However, the command indicates there are some gazes that are not allowed, and this based on Prophetic guidance includes the lustful gaze as well as looking at what is considered ‘awra. Yet, it is common practice for men and women in Muslim activist settings to avoid looking at one another directly in the eyes or in the face, and they are dressed modestly. Some scholars have mentioned that this is praiseworthy as a form of respect. However, in the greater western context, not making eye contact is usually considered awkward and can be seen as distrustful and in an instance like this, we can take our general cultural custom to inform the way we interact within the aforementioned Islamic boundaries.

What this looks like in person: Therefore, in general, the best way to fulfill this requirement is to simply avert your gaze specifically if you find yourself attracted to someone, not to check anyone out, and to avoid looking at certain areas of the body you should not be looking at anyway—most especially if they are uncovered. Otherwise, it’s permissible to simply look a person in the eyes politely when having a conversation. This applies both inside of and outside of Muslim spaces.

What this looks like online/social media: When you put up a picture on social media, be cognizant of what other people are seeing. And if you wouldn’t make a crazy duck face or show certain body parts to a person of the opposite sex in person or look at those things in person, do not post that type of picture or send that picture over SnapChat or stare at those pics if they’re sent to you (which, btw, why are they being sent to you?). Do not deliberately spend time staring at a picture of someone of the opposite sex without purpose. When commenting on a picture—even if it’s of the same gender—avoid statements such as, “Hey sexy!” or “Hot!” especially when you know that person has friends of the opposite sex who will also see those pictures and those comments in their newsfeed.

5. Keep it public.

The Prophetﷺ taught us “…Satan is the third person in an isolated area (khalwah) where there is only a man with a (non-mahram) woman…” (Ibn Al-Atheer – Sahih).

This narration indicates that being alone with one person of the opposite gender who is not a direct relative (mahram) is prohibited in Islam. Being alone constitutes any space which is locked and opaque, or open but totally isolated.

What this looks like in person: In person: Meet in public spaces. Whether it’s in the library or an off-campus café, make sure your professional organizing happens in a public space and at an appropriate time. Even in a public space, a suggestion is to bring a respectful third person or a group of people to make sure you and the other person are not the only ones together, as a way of maintaining a professional environment. This also changes a bit as you grow in different life stages.

If you’re in high school and working on a project, you should definitely bring other people along if you meet outside of school in a café or somewhere informal. If you’re in your fifties and you’re meeting to discuss masjid board policy away from the masjid, meeting in a public space should be sufficient without needing “chaperones.” Imams, for example, have office hours at the masjid, and leave the door open or open their blinds so others can see in, if the door is closed to protect confidentiality. For non-Imams and work spaces, if what you need to meet about is private, like needing crucial advice, simply meeting in a public space should be sufficient as long as you’re both aware of being respectful and keeping things professional. If you can bring a third person who can sit somewhere nearby who is not able to hear the conversation, consider this option. This is not to suggest you and the other person meeting together, in a public space, are going automatically to do something lewd if you don’t. It’s simply to protect your hearts, words and yes, long-term actions, from going down the path of regret—and instead allow both persons to engage each other in a way that inspires true respect and noble love for Allah (swt).

What this looks like online/social media: When applicable, have a third person involved. For example, if you are a female organizing an event and you are emailing a male, yet you know that another male or female is also involved in that specific aspect you’re emailing about, then simply include them in the conversation. Some people when they have to work closely with someone of the opposite gender, simply let them know that they have given their email password to their spouse or trusted sibling, in order to allow everyone to feel like the door to the room is open rather than locked. Others choose to make phone calls when they’re around people and the person they are calling is aware of that fact. The point isn’t to constantly have yourself monitored, it’s really to just build a repertoire between one another in your interactions. By not feeling fully alone together, the relationship remains fraternal and professional.

6. Protect your reputation.

At the outset, it must be stated that the concept of a reputation is misused at times. Sometimes, parents do not allow their daughters specifically to do certain things that they consider immodest or immoral within a specific cultural context due to a fear of what others may say about them. This sometimes causes young women to feel angry and frustrated and often blame Islam for being restrictive when in reality, it’s a specific concept their family has about what is and isn’t appropriate. Misusing the concept of protecting one’s honor has negative and unnecessary ramifications. And yes, people should make 70 excuses for what they see or hear about others. However, at the same time, there is a place in Islam for protecting our reputation and not putting ourselves in situations where another believer may feel concerned about us.

What this looks like in person: This is exactly what the Prophet ﷺ did when walking with his wife Safiya radi Allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her). Someone saw them and the Prophet ﷺ said, “This is Safiya!” They were surprised and said, “Prophet of God! We would never think you had a girlfriend or something like that!” The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Yes, but Satan travels through people like blood through the body.” ((Bukhari)) The Prophet’s ﷺtechnical circumstances were halal but he wanted to make sure it was clear and not misunderstood.

What this looks like online/social media: The unfortunate reality of a sister or brother having an inappropriate or unnecessary online relationship has repercussions. For example, with an MSA brother, a sister may become a counselor-like friend and sometimes falls for the brother. The brother sometimes though, turns to her not because he wants to marry her, but because he perhaps enjoys that relationship with a female without having to commit to her and at times, may lead her on. On the flip side in another example, a sister may enjoy informal, intimate conversations and a certain brother’s attention; she may not be interested in marrying him, but enjoys the relationship and may sometimes lead him on. In both scenarios, the sister and brother may get a reputation for being easily used, desperate or whipped. Brothers and sisters: this is about respecting yourself enough that you do not allow yourself to be put in suspect situations that can harm your well-being and reputation in your specific context.

7. No touching.

The Messenger ﷺ stated, “It is better for an iron rod to be driven into the head of a man, than for him to touch a woman who is not permissible for him.” (Mu’jam al Kabir) Though the word ‘touch’ here is understood by some scholars to be a euphemism for fornication, generally the principle is applied for all unnecessary (non-medical, etc.) touching, as derived from the Prophetic biography.

God tells us, “And do not come near unlawful sexual intercourse.” Not touching is a preventative measure as to what can come that’s greater. The Prophet ﷺnever shook hands when he took the Pledge of Aqaba from the female companions, though he did with the men. This shows at the very least that touching, even by shaking hands with the opposite gender, is not generally encouraged. There should be no casual high fives, no hugs, no physical interaction between sexes who are not closely blood related or married. Not even if you’re “promised” to one another and going to be married soon. Unless you have your written marriage contract (known as the “katb al-kitab” or “`aqd” or “nikah” in different cultures and sometimes considered an engagement after the contract is signed), no physical touching should happen.

But what about shaking hands in our specific context,, as a known form of greeting and professionalism?

Consider Shaykh Yusuf Qaradwi‘s and Shaykh Abdullah bin Bayyah‘s discussions on the issue. His allowance, with caveats, must be read and understood, as it provides an alternative to the typical discussion on prohibition. If you choose not to shake hands, make sure you politely decline with class and creativity. Ensure it’s done in ways that would help hearts feel closer to you rather than turn away in aversion.

8. Be respectful of people’s personal space and levels of comfort.

We deal with different Muslims from different backgrounds. We do not want to impose our gender interaction cultural norms on them. We should try to engage them with what is comfortable for them, without giving up our own rights. This is just basic consideration for how others feel, male and female. Once the Prophet ﷺ even changed the way he was sitting out of his consideration for the modesty of Uthman (ra):

Aisha reports: The Prophet ﷺwas lying down in his house with his thighs or his calves exposed. Abu Bakr asked permission to enter and was permitted while the Prophet ﷺ was in that position and he came in and spoke with him ﷺ. Then, Umar asked permission to enter. He was granted permission and came in and spoke with him ﷺ while in that position. Then, Uthman asked permission and the Prophet ﷺ sat up and straightened his clothing. He was then permitted and came in and spoke with the Prophet ﷺ. After he had gone, Aisha said: Abu Bakr entered and you did not get up for him or worry about him and Umar came in and you did not get up for him nor worry about him but when Uthman came in, you straightened out your clothing! The Prophet ﷺ said: “Should I not be shy of a man around whom the angels are shy?” (Muslim)

This is a true act of love for Allah (swt), and such consideration for the comfort levels of the other should be practiced across genders as well.

What this looks like in person: Some people from other countries or ways of thinking do not talk to unrelated members of the opposite sex for any reason (unless an absolute emergency) and are even uncomfortable giving salam (greetings of peace). In our western context, scholars have encouraged men and women to spread the salam to build a sense of support and community especially as a religious minority. Generally speaking, it is praiseworthy to initiate the salam and an obligation to respond to it, ((Qur’an 4:86)) regardless of gender, unless you have good reason to believe it would be understood as flirtatious to do so. If you know someone is uncomfortable, do not put them in an awkward situation—even with something as simple as the salam. At the same time, a man from such an environment may feel uncomfortable with women in the same prayer space and want them to leave. For this, women should ***not*** be expected to leave because of someone else’s discomfort; women should take their Islamic right to worship in the House of God. In this example, it is the other person who needs to practice consideration of her rights.

Another example is to not stand too close to each other when you are talking. If you can smell their breath, shampoo, or deodorant then you are standing too close. If someone takes a step back everytime you take a step forward, then realize they prefer a bigger gap between themselves and you and stop inching forward.

What this looks likes online/social media: If you friend request someone of the opposite gender on Facebook and they don’t confirm, respect their privacy. If someone always CCs a third party when they email you, try to reply all and respect that. When we treat each other with nobility, it fosters trust.

9. Speak in a decent manner.

Perhaps there is no single behavior that more clearly defines our manners than speech. Allah (swt) has many commands about speech in the Qur’an. Its content should be good and decent (2:235). Its tone should be straight-forward (33:70). It should not be made soft on purpose (33:32). It should not be loud and arrogant (31:19). There should be no vain or excessive speech (23:3).

This is interesting as 90% of communication is non-verbal, and most perception comes from our tone of voice. And nothing affects tone of voice like intention. When the intention is good, speech is naturally unaffected and straight-forward, good in both content and delivery. The best way to examine our own hearts sometimes is to use our speech as a window to ourselves so we can ask, “What is going on inside?”

What this look likes in person: Speech is normal. This may appear humorous but as a dear sister once asked, “Why didn’t anyone just tell us to be normal?” In her situation, she was working and wanted to make da`wah (call to Islam) to her co-workers by showing how friendly and extra helpful a Muslim can be. Slightly sheltered in her upbringing, she went out of her way just to be very excited and supportive all the time and it was unfortunately understood as something else. Her version of ‘nice’ was over the top. She realized later that co-workers of the opposite gender, according to the advice of the Human Resources department, simply were to engage each other in a straight-forward, ‘normal’ way which is what Islam encourages anyway. Her speech was simply a mistake; but others actually make the mistake in their intention too. Don’t deliberately try to use an attractive sounding voice, don’t deliberately laugh and giggle for the purpose of drawing flirtatious attention, don’t extend conversations endlessly just to stay in the presence of another person. In other words, just be normal!

What this looks like online/social media: Don’t flirt, don’t be excessive in praise, or dismissive and disrespectful in joking. Use language that you wouldn’t feel shy of the Prophet ﷺ witnessing, knowing Allah (swt) always does.

10. Ensure your circumstances are safe.

One of the conditions for allowing women’s travel alone is safety and ensuring the place of stay. In general, for both men and women, Personal Safety (life, health) in itself is considered one of the greater objectives of Islamic Law. Keep in mind, two people don’t need to be in complete isolation for it to be unsafe.

What this look likes in person: If you’re a sister, going to a brother’s apartment, or a brother going to a sister’s apartment to study for example, even if it is shared with others—that is unsafe. Going into a public parking lot that is empty to get class notes at an odd hour of the night is unsafe. The point is, whether man or woman, be smart about where you meet, choose an appropriate time, and ensure it’s in a safe space.

What this looks like online/social media: Do not put personal information like where you live on your Facebook or other online site. If you’re “checking in” somewhere online, let it be somewhere public and attended by people. For example, if you are at the beach when it’s deserted at night, do not “check in” live on sites or social media where your location can be tracked by strangers, or even people you don’t know well.

________________________

Finally, the pursuit of marriage is the reason many young people get involved in relationships or put themselves in situations they later regret. Marriage is a noble intention, and should be pursued nobly. A guiding principle is the ends don’t justify the means in Islam. The space of Islamic work may be a place where people meet potential spouses, but the work should not be used as an excuse to get attention under the guise of being interested in marriage. Once a person realizes their interest in marriage towards someone is a sustained interest, they should take a respectful and responsible approach. That means, be like Musa, `alayhi as salaam (peace be upon him), and talk to her family. Or be like Khadijah (ra), and talk to a reputable friend, preferably married, who can find a tactful way to recommend you. It is permissible to approach the person you’re interested in directly, specifically if you know that’s their personal preference as well since not everyone has a supportive or present family. However, make sure it’s done with respect. When you’re respectful in both means and method, you can pursue your intention for marriage through its blessed path, and continue your Islamic work/volunteering on its own blessed path.

Inter-gender relations can be tricky, but remember: Just be normal! With the right intention, with purpose, and with efforts to try our best with the general guidelines God has revealed for our work together, we can focus on ensuring that our relationships lead to benefiting ourselves, our families, our societies and the world at large, with God’s will.

It is hoped that this inter-gender relations summary be of service to brothers and sisters everywhere. May Allah (swt) ennoble our character, manners, and disposition with what pleases Him most. May He allow us to practice both the spirit and letter of His guidance for us. May He forgive our many shortcomings and mistakes. May Allah increase us in His remembrance, gratitude, guidance, and beautify our worship. May He accept from us all. Ameen.

Photo: Matt Carman

Originally posted in 2007.

What do you think of when you see a Muslim doing something considered wrong?

Ever look down on them? Think you are better than them? It’s really easy to be self-righteous. It’s even easier to fall prey to this attitude if you sport the outer ‘righteous’ look.

But let’s ask ourselves this question: has Allah written us amongst His righteous servants? Or is that a title we have only given ourselves?

Check this:

I was once sitting at the da`wah (outreach) table on my college campus and a female student approached it. She asked if she could have a Qur’an, and of course, I was happy to give one to her. Then she said, “Can I ask you a question?”  The question sounded kind of deep, so I invited her to sit next to me on the empty chair. She took up the offer.

“Please don’t judge me,” she began. SubhanAllah (glory be to God)! The courage it must have taken for her to come and speak to me, for her to begin with that statement.

After reassuring her, how could I judge her? She began—

She told me that she was Muslim and she became involved in a relationship for the first time in her life with a Muslim guy. Her intention was for long term, but she felt so terrible doing it. She told me when she is with her boyfriend, she feels horrible, even though she thinks she is supposed to feel good. She told me that she knows that this is such a big sin, that she wants to stop, but that it is just so, so hard. And she asked me: Can Allah forgive me?

While this girl was speaking, I was looking at her thinking: look at the struggle she is going through for the sake of God. She hates what she is doing because she knows it’s something He would not be pleased with, she wants so much for God to forgive her, but it is so hard for her to leave what she knows she shouldn’t do.

Her desire to repent became so intense that she came to me, a girl she has never even seen before, who could easily judge her, and poured out her heart. She was so desperate in her wanting to know: Could Allah forgive her? Could He really forgive such a sin?

I told her—man, God is THE MOST MERCIFUL! He will forgive ANYTHING when you turn to Him! I kept telling her about God’s Mercy, about how He is so, so happy to accept the repentance of His creation.

We kept talking about how God must be pleased with her internal struggle because she clearly wants to gain His pleasure despite her difficulty. We looked at the Holy Hadith, where God talks about us and says:

“O child of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O child of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O child of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.” (Ahmad)

She was overwhelmed with emotion. I then shared with her a supplication that, if said with firm belief in the morning or evening, and if death happens on that day or night, the person who said it would be amongst the people of Paradise.

The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon us) taught us the chief supplication (sayyidul istighfaar) of asking for forgiveness as follows:

اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ رَبِّي لا إِلَهَ إِلا أَنْتَ خَلَقْتَنِي وَأَنَا عَبْدُكَ وَأَنَا عَلَى عَهْدِكَ وَوَعْدِكَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا صَنَعْتُ أَبُوءُ لَكَ بِنِعْمَتِكَ عَلَيَّ وَأَبُوءُ لَكَ بِذَنْبِي فَاغْفِرْ لِي فَإِنَّهُ لا يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلا أَنْتَ

Allahumma anta rabbi, la ilaha illa anta, khalaqtani wa ana abduka [if you’re a male]/amatuk [if you’re a female], wa ana ‘ala `ahdika wa wa`dika mastata`tu. A`udhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu, abu’u laka bini`matika ‘alaiya, wa abu’u laka bidhanbi, faghfirli, fainnahu la yaghfiru adhdhunuba illa ant.

O Allah! You are my Lord! None has the right to be worshipped but You. You created me and I am Your slave, and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise as much as I can. I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done. I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me, and I confess to You all my sins. So I entreat You to forgive my sins, for nobody can forgive sins except You. (Bukhari)

And of course, the most intimate way of feeling close to Allah is to come to Him, from the depths of one’s heart, in the language easiest for oneself, with the words coming from one’s own soul, asking for His forgiveness.

Reflect

I want you to go back to your original answer when I first posed the question. What would you be thinking of someone you see doing something you feel is wrong?

Yes, in that moment, that person might be outwardly sinning if that is what they are doing, but perhaps internally they are struggling and fighting every time they commit the sin, and are continually seeking to turn back to God. Perhaps in some people’s eyes, this person is a ‘sinner’ (and who amongst us is not?). But perhaps in the Sight of Allah, they are more beloved to Him because of their sincere struggle, than those of us who can easily fall into feeling arrogant about our Islamic activism, our Islamic appearance, or our ‘hard-core’ connection with Rabb il`alameen  (the Lord of the Worlds). We need to be careful. Are we really connected? Am I really connected?

And don’t get me wrong: the struggle of those who are trying to stay upright and please God Almighty is a weighty, honorable and noble one.

But for those of us who might have ‘been there’ and left it, and then feel arrogant that we’re no longer involved in the “ways of the sinners,” and perhaps even might feel better than others because we’re so pure and special, then my advice to myself is what Omar  radi allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) advised, “Take account of yourselves before you are audited.”

Or in the words of Ice Cube, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

Say, ‘In God’s grace and mercy let them rejoice.’ That is better than all they accumulate. (Qur’an, 10:58)

Today is one of the happiest days for millions of Muslims all over the world. While we’re sad to see the blessed month of Ramadan go, we’re so grateful for having completed a month of intense fasting and detoxification; a month meant to cleanse our hearts, minds and bodies so we can be closer to God with our souls and spirits. We experienced a special sweetness of faith during this past month, and now we celebrate with family and friends, fun festivities, delicious food and sweets of all kinds.

As we rejoice and celebrate, we can also remember that we have another happy camper celebrating too. He was locked up during Ramadan, and he just gained his freedom. For the last month, he’s been watching millions of Muslims fill up the masajid, pray intensely during the night, supplicate fervently to Allah, give abundantly in charity, and feel more motivated to do good than ever before. He saw Muslims who would drink often now stopped drinking; people who didn’t feel like praying before want to pray regularly; believers who never opened the Qur’an throughout the year choose to read it and contemplate its meanings. He saw Muslims who envied and hated one another stand side by side in prayer and become the closest of brethren. Before, they were held back by his whispers and their sins, distractions, temptations. Now that weight is lifted, so they picked up speed and worship became easier and more enjoyable. So, he was chained and they were freed. He was restrained so we could be liberated.

Have you seen people who live for a cause? They eat, sleep, breathe and die for their work. Imagine if these people were prevented from living their passion; and not only that, but imagine that they watched all their life’s efforts being destroyed right before their eyes. They have no control and can’t change what happened. It would probably make them sad, frustrated and angry. If they were given the power and freedom again, they could at least rebuild what was destroyed and fix what was broken.

Of all non-human creation, Satan is probably the most passionately committed to his cause. Yet, his mission in life is not to build, but to destroy. His sole purpose is to mislead and deviate and burn, as is his nature. Speaking to God, he said, “I swear by Your might! I will tempt all of them, except Your sincere servants,” (Qur’an, 38:82-3). So now that he’s liberated, he’s not just walking towards us casually; he’s coming back with a vengeance.

Fasting is designed by God to increase our taqwa. While taqwa is often translated as God-consciousness, its linguistic root connotes protection from harm. Fasting is a shield that protects us from harming ourselves and others, that protects us from the harmful effects of our sins. It’s a shield that protects us from getting burned by Satan’s tricks, and ultimately, from getting burned by the Fire. One of Satan’s tactics is to make us indulge in our physical pleasures, cravings, and desires in the most unbridled way.  He wants to ignite the animalistic tendencies within us and make us pursue these pleasures as ends in and of themselves, not as means for livelihood and lawful well-being.

Out of God’s mercy, He restricts our access to these two pleasures during fasting so that they don’t consume us and define our being. Through fasting, our relationship with these desires becomes less obsessive and animalistic, and more tamed and disciplined. So, when the month-long training is over and we’re back on the battlefield with Satan, his avenues to our hearts and minds are tightened and restricted. If we choose to broaden those pathways and re-indulge in our desires again, we invite him back into the very veins that run through our bodies; but if we feed these instinctual appetites in moderation and through the proper channels, we loosen Satan’s grip and become freed to nurture a deeper spiritual relationship with God throughout the year.

God says in the Qur’an, “O Believers, do not follow in Satan’s footsteps—if you do so, he will urge you to indecency and evil; and if it were not for God’s grace and mercy towards you, not one of you would ever have attained purity. God purifies whoever He wills; and God is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (24:21)

During the blessed month of Ramadan, we may have gained more spiritual awareness, clarity and focus, and even felt a deep desire to become better Muslims, believers, and worshipers. Let’s not allow those feelings to dissipate and disappear just because Ramadan has passed. While the shade of Ramadan has left, the shade of God’s Mercy is everlasting. If God purifies whomever He wills, let’s also do our part in pursuing and recommitting to the path of purification. As Khurram Murad says, “The initial desire and ensuing effort to do and become good, is part of the continuing process of self development, a process that may begin at any point in life that you choose and continue till your last breath.” ((In the Early Hours: Reflections on Spiritual and Self Development, p. 10.))

So, before we get caught up in our busy lives and demands of family, work, or school again, now is the time to inculcate the good practices and habits we gained from Ramadan—no matter how small. Perhaps you didn’t used to pray sunan and voluntary prayers, and now you do. Maybe you would pray late often, and you found yourself praying more on time. Perhaps you would flirt a little much with the ladies, and during Ramadan you had some self-control. Maybe you were used to hearing or seeing shameful things, and you found it improper to do so during Ramadan. Perhaps you tried performing night prayers for the first time, and you absolutely loved it. Or maybe you didn’t feel the need to make du`a’ (supplication) before, but you poured your heart out to Him one night and felt an amazing, healing effect. Or maybe, like many people, you would think about food most of the day and fasting made you focus on more important matters like nourishing your soul.

What else? What other positive changes did you experience? Keep reflecting on your special moments and changes during Ramadan and hold on to those. Keep nurturing these feelings, habits and practices. Continue to fast, pray, read Qur’an, and forgive. Continue to shine with love, patience, and empathy. Give a little more than before, and don’t give up on yourself or on God’s mercy. Remember that Satan wants to take you away from God’s remembrance and bury you under layers of darkness and fleeting pleasures, but God is calling you to purity and peace, and to what gives you life.

So make this Eid a memorable one. Be happy and rejoice in God’s bounties and blessings, and start pursuing the endless opportunities for rising to greater spiritual heights.

— Sahih Muslim, a beautiful statement of `Umar, approved by the Prophet

Islam is a perfect religion, taught by the most perfect man, revealed by the One Who is Perfect in all ways knowable and unknowable.

This needs to be acknowledged. Drilled into our hearts and minds. Become the foundation of our worldview. The cleansing light of this statement of ‘Umar needs to burn through all the cultural disappointments, alterations, the depressing social media posts, the insecurity, the desire to fit in, belong, and assimilate. The desire to feel comfortable. The disappointment with our cultures, our upbringings, our childhood experiences. The disappointment with our masjid boards.

We carry a message that was sent from the highest realms of existence, carried by the Chief Archangel of God, to the most perfect of human beings, passing through galaxy cluster upon galaxy cluster. Billions of years ago, the trajectories of comets and meteors were precisely calculated and set in motion in order to be in the exact place and exact time to pelt any spirit that might try to eavesdrop on the heavenly revelation as it descended, lest pieces of it end up whispered to some fortune-teller, who would claim that he too was receiving revelation.

Your spiritual and doctrinal ancestors raised a civilization which had a unique achievement unmatched in human history—the parallel development of the natural and the sacred sciences in societies that saw them as complementary. Discovering the world’s physical reality inspired by Revelation’s metaphysical reality.

The Egyptians built the Pyramids before you. The followers of other traditions went to the Moon before you. But only you have a Prophet who stood before the Lote-Tree, bordering the realm of physical existence on The Night Journey, brought back five prayers, and told you: “The salah ((prayer)) is the mi`raj ((ascension)) of the Believer.” Revel in this. Be proud. Then prostrate.

#NoMoreMuslimInsecurity

The Masjid

Across the United States masajid (mosques) have expanded in physical size, improved mass communication via websites and social media accounts, begun to offer live-streaming for Friday khutbas (sermons) online, and have improved women’s prayer areas. But in recent times, many imams have left their posts, leaving communities and trend followers to speculate and ask, “Why?” Was it the imam’s ego or a salary dispute or are they just becoming too impatient?

No, this wave of resignations is a symptom of a greater problem: while incoming imams treat their position as a profession by becoming increasingly qualified, the masjid board has not taken the same strides in becoming trained in non-profit management. Those who run the masjid and supervise the imams’ affairs are still volunteers with, generally speaking, no expertise on how to manage non-profit organizations.   As a result, the operational structure of the masjid is not equipped to manage the imam, the other employees, or to draft and execute long-term plans with a vision for the changing needs of the community. Masjid reform must take place to not only bring stability by retaining their imams but by also allowing for future growth, and attracting Muslims of all backgrounds and ages.

To analyze the surge in recent Imam’s resignations from masajid large and small, it is important to understand the dynamics between the masjid board, the imam, and the community.

The Board

A typical board is elected for a specified number of years, where elected members take on various responsibilities: Chairperson, President, Financial Officer, Secretary, and so on.  The staff of the masjid goes on to include the imam, sometimes multiple imams or religious directors, administrative staff, and other support employees. At the end of the day, all of the above staff report to the board.

Boards usually manage the day-to-day affairs of the masjid. These duties and responsibilities are noble and to be commended. The question to be asked remains: If a community is made up of hundreds or even thousands of congregants, what is the guarantee that the most qualified people are elected to manage the masjid? Those five, ten or fifteen that are chosen to represent their masjid, are they equipped to understand all of the needs and nuances of their constituents? Are they trained in management or in human resources so as to interface with the imam and the other staff in the most effective manner?

The masjid is, by definition, a non-profit organization, and rarely do the doctors, engineers, and business people who are voted onto the board have backgrounds in non-profit management. While these volunteers are to be commended for their countless hours of dedication and sacrifice, it is time the community recognizes that the non-profit organization that we call the masjid cannot thrive on the limited expertise of individuals from random professions. These realms are completely different. A multitude of certifications and degrees are offered in various aspects of non-profit management, so individuals with the above expertise should serve on the board.

Allah the Most Merciful tells us in the Qur’an in the second half of the ayah (verse) below: “…And ask those who have knowledge, if you do not know.”

Surah Al Nahl 16:43

The Imam

The same level of expectations in terms of expertise is also necessary for the Imam. An Imam should have a grasp of the Arabic language, have certified training as a religious scholar which includes understanding the complex sciences of tafsir (Qur’anic exegesis), hadith (narration), and Islamic jurisprudence (fiqh). In addition, many imams have supplementary degrees in social sciences, history, Middle-Eastern studies, etc. The ability to connect with the community and to understand its needs are crucial in supporting the diverse make-up of the masjid’s constituents.

The demands upon the Imam are very high. Supporting the community in times of distress such as providing counseling on marriage, divorce, domestic violence, death, drug use, suicide, etc. are just a few of the Imam’s responsibilities. The imam also shares in the celebrations of the community, conducting weddings and attending aqeeqahs (birth celebrations) and ameens. In addition, the imam represents not only the masjid, but the greater Muslim community at political events, interfaith circles, and in social justice arenas.

The imam sacrifices his time with his own family with the intention of serving the community and pleasing Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). This is not a position of wealth or glamour.

The Board, The Community, The Imam: An Unbalanced Equation

The dynamics between the board, the masjid’s constituents, and the imam has many nuances. Let us explore these relationships:

The Community-Board Relationship

Often times the board is an ear to the constituents’ wants, needs, and likes/dislikes. This is a healthy relationship that helps to ensure that the board is indeed representing their community. One of the pitfalls, however, is when the ear is filled with opinions from friends or acquaintances of a few board members that become magnified as a major issue. “Where was the imam at this time?” or “Why was the prayer time changed?” or “I didn’t like the khutba.” Imagine if only friends or acquaintances get the ear of the board, and they happen to be those with complaints that do not reflect the overall effectiveness of the imam. The result would be a skewed impression of how well the Imam performs.

Do other community members know when and how to contact the board if they have a concern or a word of praise? What about when there is a conflict with the imam? Is there a mediation process involving professional mediators or a group from the community? Does the community know about problems before the imam feels compelled to resign? Regrettably, the answers to these questions are often “no.”

The Board-Imam Relationship

The Board, and most often the Chairperson or President, in particular, is the imam’s boss. In some masajid, imams as employees are given formal, written evaluations. How are these evaluations made? Are there general surveys sent out to the community after prayer or via email? Who evaluates the board? No one does. The community at large does not know the details of individual board member actions. Written evaluations are a one-way, subjective process, in which, out of all the employees of the masjid, only the already over-burdened imam is scrutinized.

The board has by-laws that protect the masjid and the board itself, but who is there to protect the imam? If there is a conflict between the board and the imam, who is there to defend or represent him?   A meeting with the board can turn into a five-on-one intimidating process, with the Imam being the “one.”  And psychologically speaking, it is natural for any group of individuals working together to develop “group thinking” where it is difficult to understand any reasoning other than that of the group, or in this case, the board. As a religious director or imam, who is already burdened with the problems of the community, and of society at large, he has the added responsibility of being his own lawyer when negotiating for his rights at the masjid.

A position at the masjid, as previously mentioned, is not one that people enter into for glory. Thus there needs to be an inherent level of trust in the imam, especially after years of proven performance. When hours at the masjid are being questioned, it is a sign of an inherent problem – a lack of trust and/or of an understanding of what it means to be an imam.   Expecting the imam to spend his over 60-hour work week at the masjid is not practical. As one great imam and scholar stated, “A five minute reminder can take five hours of preparation.” Aside from off-masjid activities, countless hours of preparation for speeches and khutbas (Friday sermons) are spent at home. In addition, fielding phone calls, and tending to crises of the community at individuals’ homes or at the hospital are also time spent away from the masjid.

The Imam – Community Relationship

The imam deals with various constituents either through private counseling sessions, or through general contact at the masjid.   Although the imam has a close relationship with the community, most of its constituents never contact the board about their satisfaction with the imam. Instead, most feedback regarding the imam comes from only a handful of individuals with complaints about the minutia of masjid affairs. As a result, what true knowledge does the board have of the community’s satisfaction with the imam?

Conclusion

There is a disconnect between the immense relationships that the imam has within the community he serves and the board’s perception of the imam’s performance. As a result of this disparity, the board is readily willing to exert their power in enforcing their micromanaging demands without being mindful of the ensuing effect their unreasonable pressure will have on the imam. Despite the imam’s love for the community, he finds himself having to choose between continuing his post at the masjid and saving his own sanity and that of his family. In addition, the board may be shocked by a resignation, yet no consideration was given to the fact that imams are human and there is only so much difficulty in dealing with the board that the imam can handle before becoming soured to the system.

And that’s the point: one can endure temporary problems, differences of opinion and conflicts arising from within the masjid. However, when the religious director or imam understands that the system will never change, that is, the system of having a new, volunteer boss every one to two years who has no experience in non-profit management, who is going to come down with their own style of management, with their own opinions about what the imam should be doing, it is difficult to sit tight and think, “one day this may change.”

I encourage a healthy discussion between community members, masjid officials and our religious leaders to come to a practical solution. May Allah (swt) guide us all and make the masjid a place welcome for all, including the imams.

It was a breathtaking view from my window. Thousands of feet up in the air, I was passing through heaps of white cotton candy spread across the sky. The clouds swished by and a chain of giant mountains pierced boldly through the atmosphere. Glistening in the sunlight was a vast ocean, with its little white waves hugging the sandy shores that meandered around the land.

“Surely, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, are signs for those of understanding,” (Qur’an, 3:190). All this pristine beauty got me thinking about the sunnah (way) of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) in His creation—that He created the greatest of things out of smaller components; the clouds and oceans from tiny water molecules, the mountains from grains of sand, rocks and pebbles, giant forests and gardens from individual plants and trees. In living organisms too, entire systems are composed of smaller organs, layered with tissues composed of miniscule cells that house tiny organelles!

Doesn’t that sunnah apply to our lives too? When we nurture the tiniest elements, we create greatness in every aspect of our lives, from our relationships, to our health, to our connection with Allah (swt). Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) reminds us, “Do not belittle any good action, even if it be greeting your brother with a pleasant face,” (Muslim). Every action, down to the invisibly tiny atom, is significant with Allah (swt). It could be stroking the head of a sad child, or visiting someone who is sick, or giving $5 or $10 to the poor and needy, or lending a helping hand when someone needs you. And when you assist others in any way, know that Allah (swt) is helping you! Prophet Muhammad ﷺ says, “Whoever relieves a believer of distress in this world, Allah will relieve him of some of the distress of the Day of Resurrection. Whoever makes things easy for those who are in difficulty, Allah will make things easy for him in this world and in the next. Whoever conceals (the faults of) a Muslim in this world, Allah will conceal him (his faults) in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah will help the servant so long as the servant helps his brother,” (Tirmidhi).

With your friends or loved ones, it could be the smallest acts of kindness that make the biggest difference: a comforting phone call during the day, a warm hug, a genuine smile that brightens their mood, or even doing the grocery shopping or washing the dishes after they’ve had a long day. Doing these loving, generous acts—and doing them often—is what fuels loving, intimate relationships. These are the seemingly insignificant day-to-day gestures that build solid, beautiful bonds.

Great health also comes with adopting small healthy habits. Allah (swt) created our bodies in the best form, so it behooves us to invest in honoring and taking care of that trust. And strong, healthy individuals, like you, are what make a collectively strong Muslim Ummah! It’s the minor things like cutting down on the heavy carbohydrates, fats and sugars that could relieve you of a few unwanted inches and decrease the risk of cardiovascular diseases. Other small changes include exercising portion control and eating a variety of colorful fruits, vegetables and lean proteins. Allah (swt) says, “And whatever He multiplied for you on the earth of varying colors. Indeed in that is a sign for a people who remember. And it is He who subjected the sea for you to eat from it tender meat […] that you might seek of His bounty; and perhaps you will be grateful,” (Qur’an, 16:13-14).

Another good practice to have is to plan your meals and workouts ahead of time. When you know what you will eat during the day, you’re less likely to eat whatever is around when you feel hungry. Also, scheduling your workouts throughout the week ensures that you get enough exercise. Walk as much and as often as you can. Walk around the neighborhood, or in a park, or at your workplace. Make time during your lunch break, or take a 10 minute break from work to walk. Get some fresh air, clear your mind and smell the roses while you’re out! Hit the gym if possible and incorporate strength training to burn fat and tone your muscles. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ encourages us to increase our physical strength when he says, “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer,” (Muslim). If you can’t make it to the gym, exercise at home or outdoors. Do more push-ups, sit-ups, squats and lunges, and exercise with a partner for motivation. Aim for at least 20-30 minutes a day of continuous exercise. When you start developing all these minor eating and exercise habits, you embark on a path of greater health and fitness, which of course makes you more energized to worship Allah (swt).

Remember what actions are most beloved to Allah?—the ones done consistently, even if they are small. In your relationship with Allah (swt), that means small doses of Qur’anic recitation, prayers and du`a’ (supplication) are better than large doses every once in a blue moon. A short du`a’ after every prayer is preferred over supplicating for a long time only when you’re having trouble and need Allah’s help. Reading five minutes of Qur’an daily and praying a few rak`as (units) of qiyam (night prayer) before sleeping or before Fajr is better than doing these only when Ramadan rolls around.

If Fajr is not part of your morning practice, that would be a prime place to start. If you’re determined to wake up for Fajr prayer, force yourself to sleep early and go to bed in a state of wudu’ while doing dhikr. Of course, drop the caffeine in the afternoons, set your alarms, and get a family member or buddy to make sure you wake up. If you’re with family, praying together is the best motivator! On the Day of Judgment, people will be wishing they had read just one more ayah (verse) of Qur’an, and prostrated just one more time—because the benefits are enormous. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ says, “Recite the Qur’an, for it will come on the Day of Judgment as in intercessor for its companions,” (Muslim). He also says, “Prostrate a lot because there is not one prostration that you do for Allah except that Allah raises your rank (in Paradise) by it, and removes a sin by it for you,” (Muslim).

What area in your life can you create more beauty, more greatness, and more success in? Pick one area and just start! Start with tiny changes and little adjustments that push you in the right direction. When you do the minor acts repeatedly and consistently, you create a series of successes for yourself. These small feats add up, and motivate you to challenge yourself—to give more, exercise more often, read Qur’an and pray more regularly, and do even more thoughtful acts for others. Before you know it, by Allah’s will, your life will be a big success made up of many smaller ones.

Just like our bodies are made up of millions of magnificent smaller entities, loving relationships are made up of numerous, loving acts of kindness, a healthy person practices a variety of healthy eating and exercise habits, and a righteous person is one who does many righteous acts. And don’t forget that every little bit counts. As Allah (swt) reminds us, “Whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it,” (Qur’an, 99:7) and “Whatever good you do, Allah knows it,” (Qur’an, 2:197).