It creeps up on you, sometimes—knowing that you’ve changed. You didn’t realize, you still don’t know, how it happened. And the scary thing is that this change was a fundamental part of you. It was all of who you thought you were. It was your destination and your journey. But you lost it. Now, you feel distant from God, Who was at one point your only purpose.

The loss of a connection to God is the scariest thing that can happen to a person. You can remember what it felt like to go to sleep remembering God and to wake up thinking of Him. He was your Best Friend. You remember how you molded your character to be something that He loves. You remember when every cell of your body was energized, ready to work hard for His sake. And most of all, you remember the tranquility. You didn’t worry. You knew al-Wakeel (the Trustee) would take care of you.

But right now, you’re in such a different place. You don’t even recognize yourself anymore. You want to be in that place you were before so much, and you want to know how you didn’t even notice the gradual fall. Can you even go back?

Ask the one who was trapped in the belly of a whale. Ask him how he felt about that fall from grace. The guilt, the humility, the longing that can all be summed up in the phrase he repeated over and over:

“[…] There is no deity except You; exalted are You. Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers.” (Qur’an 21:87)

And what was the result? God tells us, “And had he not been of those who exalt Allah, he would have remained inside its belly until the Day they are resurrected.” (Qur’an 37:143-144)

So Prophet Yunus (Jonah) `alayhi as-salaam (peace be upon him), the companion of the whale, was saved. He was saved because he turned to Allah and never gave up. We can remain in darkness, if we choose to. It is those, and only those, who believe that there is no way back who never return.

To those that say, “I used to be religious,” or even, “I was never religious”, there is always a way back. When the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings be upon him) tells us, “Allah is happier about the repentance of one His slaves, than one of you would be about finding your camel which had strayed away from you in the middle of the desert,” (agreed upon). He ﷺ is also talking to those of us who have strayed. Tawba is to return. It is not simply to repent after committing a hideous sin, although that is a big part of it. He is also talking to those of us who wonder if we can ever recover or achieve that zeal and energy and purpose. We need to return.

So don’t give up. Don’t give in to that feeling that tells you to do the bare minimum. Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) would not create you to be a useless addition to this world. You can be something special—something special to Him—if you don’t give up. If you take that step. Why are we reminded by the Prophet ﷺ in so many sayings that Allah (swt) accepts the servant who returns? Why are we told when we come one step closer to Allah (swt), He comes to us at speed? It is to remind us that Allah (swt) wants us to reach our potential, to take that first step despite the fact that the first step might be the hardest.

If you haven’t woken up for fajr (the pre-dawn prayer) for years, set five alarms today. Make a sincere du`a’ (supplication) to Allah (swt) before you sleep. Do it over and over again. Seek forgiveness and plead with Him to let you pray. You will not be disappointed. If you once had a big dream for your community but were dejected by people telling you to “be real,” pick up where you left off. Even if they are right and you never make it, because your intention was for Him, you already made it. Any achievement in this dunya (worldly life) is temporary, but “[…] indeed, the home of the Hereafter – that is the [eternal] life, if only they knew.” (Qur’an 29:64)

Don’t give in. “[…] Despair not of relief from Allah. Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people.” (Qur’an 12:87)

“The meaning of life is to find your gift.

The purpose of life is to give it away.”

—Zig Ziglar

My teacher asked us to reflect on the above quote. It reminded me of this quote by Rumi that I have on my study wall:

“Everyone has been made for some particular work

And the desire for that work has been put into every heart.”

There is so much profundity in this notion. If each person pursued the concept with honesty and determination and found his or her own answer to it, each life could become a joyous outpouring of gratitude to the Divine!

Imagine finding the time and the ‘silence of mind’ to sit and ponder on what this means for oneself. Imagine then having the courage to make space in one’s life to nurture the talent that is your own special gift of Divine favour. Imagine how generous God is, that He gave everyone a special gift that only they are aware of inside themselves, and then on top of that He gave them the love for its development!

Most of us hide this inner knowledge from ourselves and others. It is a kind of kufr (denial). Just as we are prone to deny God, so we are prone to shy away from acknowledging His gifts to us. Those who are more creative by temperament sometimes cannot hide them (it would drive them crazy to do so!), but even so, they often do not develop them to the point of their being useful to the soul and beneficial to others.

Sometimes other people, or life itself, metaphorically beat the love of our gift out of us. We end up so spiritually downtrodden that we forget what used to make our hearts come alive. (The Qur’anic phrase ‘wronging themselves’ comes to mind.)

Did you love to draw/paint/dance/ride/build/explore when young? Are you a people/animal/nature lover? Did you always know that you were good at making others feel at ease or feel good about themselves? Do you love to ferret away at finding interesting facts, or meticulously manufacture things of beauty? All these things are gifts and all these things can be used for benefit of the self and others.

Whether your God-given talent becomes a career or remains a hobby, it is your intent and joy in it that matter. How can you use your talent to better the world? How can this talent that is from the Divine be utilised to make you grow closer to its Giver? The first answer leads to the second. If you can spend some time pondering and then implementing a way to do good with your special gift, and if you carry this out with sincere intent for God and concern for the world – and if you do it all with joy and gratitude – then the result will be His drawing you closer to Him.

It is really a win-win situation. Do what you love to do, with a focused and joyful intent, and travel up through the spiritual ranks to reach God. How can we even resist such a bargain when He only asks us to do what He has instilled in us to love to do anyway? Could He have been any kinder in His Benevolence?

There are too many people around these days who seem to take delight in telling us that what we love to do is haram (forbidden). They seem to draw pleasure from frowning and killing the joy. This is because their own joy has been stifled for so long that they cannot let others have some of it.

The voice of my teacher comes to mind. There are very few things that are haram, he says; a few foods and drinks, gambling, riba (usury), and anything in the arena of illicit sexual encounters. These are all things that people whose hearts are joyful would not find pleasure in engaging with anyway. Perhaps it is because the haram are so few that some people seem to delight in hunting around for more things to add to the list!

What if the frowning and finger-wagging people turned into smiling people (it is sunnah – tradition of the Prophet ﷺ – after all!) and said to you, “Follow your heart and worship your Lord through the gifts and talents that He gave you.” Imagine how empowered that could make you feel. There is no ‘one size fits all’ to the extramural parts of religious life. When we look at the lives of successful worshippers of the past that is what we see.

In days gone by, pious Muslims would acquire some knowledge or a skill and then travel and ‘seek their fortune’ just as people of all faiths did. They would set off without fear, completely relying on God. They would do some work or trade along the way, and have great adventures—all the while learning about life, purifying their characters and making the internal journey to travel closer to their Lord.

Or, they might stay put and become craftsmen and artisans, making their daily toils an expression of love for the Divine. They would have the mindset of gratitude for the skills they had learned and would offer up their effort of beauty to God, knowing that when people benefitted from them, they would have fulfilled their own divine purpose.

People have moved a long way away from such lofty mindsets. Work, careers, craftsmanship, artistry; they have all become a means to material gain or to building egos. They have lost the soul that was originally imbibed within them.

Yet it is possible to return to and revive the soul of our endeavours, with a fairly simple tweak of orientation. Turn your face towards God and realise that He gave you talents. Take some quiet time to sit and think deeply about what you love to do and what you are good at. And then take it a step further and think how you can better the world with it. Find your place with your Lord, and see what He has given you to do. Put a Rumi quote up on your wall, and begin. The journey is guaranteed to be joyful!

Dealing with Divorce Series: Part I |Part II | Part III | Part IV

Getting through your `iddah (post-divorce waiting period) is probably one of the most challenging experiences a woman may endure in her life. Whether or not you were the one who initiated the divorce, it can be a time of much confusion. You may second-guess your decision, you may be trying to reconcile with your husband, or you might find yourself in complete isolation. I personally was trying to reconcile, and it was a very difficult time because I could not get myself to accept that, for him, it was final. I found myself constantly reaching out, thinking of a solution, reliving the good, blaming myself for the bad, and in retrospect, all of what I did only held me back from my own healing and moving on.

I would try speaking to friends and family, and I saw a therapist regularly. Seeing a therapist helped because it allowed me to process what happened, and I had a safe space where I could share my thoughts, feelings and emotions without the fear of being judged or misunderstood. However, the only thing I found true comfort in was salah (prayer). I had several friends around me at the time who were either going through a divorce or had been divorced for some time. I sought their advice, wisdom and tips on how to move on with my life. At times it felt good to know I was not alone, but other times, it only seemed to further ignite the emotions of how much I did not want to be going through what they were going through or had gone through. I tried so hard to do anything to fight “being divorced,” and I could not accept that I was indeed already divorced.

Going back to my comfort in salah. Many people’s iman (faith) fluctuates in life during normal circumstances and day-to-day challenges even without the agony of a divorce. So for someone dealing with such great loss in their life, your iman may and probably will be up and down. I had to accept that this was normal. With all the pain you feel on a daily basis, you want to hold on very tight to whatever brings you comfort, of course as long as it is healthy for you and enriches you as a person. Salah was my platform to speak my mind without worrying about anything. I spoke to Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), five times a day, sometimes more. I would cry and pour my heart out. I still find myself making du`a’ (supplications) during my commute to and from work, especially on days when I feel defeated.

I remember the day I was divorced, I went to the masjid (mosque) to pray maghrib (evening prayer) and stayed for `isha (night prayer). I picked up the Qur’an and read the Chapter of Divorce. I had never really looked into the surah (chapter) in much detail before that day. And I came across this ayah (verse):

وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجًا

“And whosoever fears God and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out [from every difficulty].” (Qur’an, 65:2)

The `iddah is the stepping stone for you to prepare for your new life. If you and your spouse are able to reconcile on terms that work for both parties, then alhamdulilLah (praise be to God) that is a beautiful thing. In the chance that reconciliation does not seem to be an option, or if you or your spouse are firm on the decision to part ways, then you need to work on healing. Far too often, community members try to aide in the reconciliation, and they lose focus on what is actually best for the two people at hand. The “shame” that is associated with divorce, especially for women, has to come to an end, and the conversation needs to be shifted towards creating and maintaining healthy marriages and towards proper spousal selection.

Take the `iddah as your own “me” time. Busy yourself with work, school, a hobby, something you once wanted to do and never had the chance to. It sounds so cliché, and I hated when people would tell me to pick up a hobby—it actually used to make me very upset. But know that staying busy and having purpose is a huge part of keeping you sane and allowing you to move on. Having once shared your life with someone else and now not having that comfort is not an easy thing to endure. It takes time to get used to your new life. But you will get through it. And Allah (swt) will grant you better than what you lost. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. You may feel like your life has come to an end (some people even become physically ill from the heartache). Just know that Allah (swt) is All-Knowing and aware of every struggle, hardship and pain that is inflicted on you. He will provide when you least expect it. You will see that light once again.

وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَالِغُ أَمْرِهِ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدْرًا

“And He will provide him from [sources] he could never imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in God, then He will suffice him. Verily, God will accomplish his purpose. Indeed God has set a measure for all things.” (Qur’an, 65:3)

And I leave you with my favorite du`a‘ (supplication), that I use during every raka`ah (prayer unit), after every salah or when I am just having a bad day.

Umm Salamah, radi Allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her), reported that Allah’s Messenger ﷺ (may the peace and blessings of God be upon him), said:

“Whenever an affliction strikes a Muslim and he says, as Allah commanded him, Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji`un. Allahumma ajirni fi musibati, wa akhlif li khayran minha—To Allah we belong, and to Him will we return. O Allah, reward me for my affliction and replace it for me with that which is better, Allah will then surely replace it for him with that which is better.”

اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي واخلفني خيرا منها