By Mariam Ahmed
Dealing with Divorce Series: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV
This series has been created to provide a forum for American Muslims who are going through a divorce and are in need of a space with others going through the same struggle. If you are divorced or are currently in the process of one, you know how much it not only affects your emotional, physical and mental state of mind, but your spiritual one as well. If you often think: “Why is this happening to me?” “I never imagined myself to one day be divorced.” “What could have I done differently?” “Will anyone ever marry me now that I have the label of being divorced?” “Will I be able to trust someone again with my heart?” And many other like-minded questions, you are in the right place.
To start off, it’s fair to share a bit of my own story. Though I am choosing to stay anonymous through this process, I do feel we can relate to others when we realize our struggles are the same, and there is a sense of community and support available and within reach, even virtually.
I am a young American Muslim woman who like most girls dreamt of the day she would get married. I wouldn’t say I had the fairytale idea per say but I definitely couldn’t wait until I met the guy who I would be spending the rest of my life with. Sadly that came to an end not long after being married. I was left feeling inadequate and self-conscious about myself—as if I was being punished for something, and I was embarrassed and afraid of where my life was going. I became so paralyzed with fear that I was scared to move on with my life, because for the longest time I could not accept that this was actually happening to me. I fell into depression and found myself no longer able to enjoy the things I usually loved doing. I am still working through those emotions, and it’s a day-by-day process. Grief comes in phases; they are fluid, you go back and forth between them until one day you are able to not only live your “new” life but accept and enjoy it.
I leave with you this ayah (verse) that brings me much ease and so happens to be from Surah At-talaaq, the Chapter on Divorce from the Qur’an. It is no coincidence that this ayah is in its exact place.
وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَالِغُ أَمْرِهِ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدْرًا
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (65:3)
Hold on, don’t give up—this is not the end. Insha’Allah (God willing), this series will become a source of help for all those who struggle with divorce. There are so many different emotions, feelings, and experiences you will go through and you WILL get through them.
I am in the process of getting a divorce due to abuse and I was not a Muslim until after I left my husband who was abusing me. I am a Muslim now and I wonder if anyone would want to marry someone like me. I have 3 children and one of them is an adult now the other 2 are in elementary school. I am not ready for marriage now I still have to work on my self with certain issues. Sometime I wonder if I will ever be ready to marry again. Just when I think I am almost there to be ready again I get scared and it draws me back. Has that happened to you as well?
I want to start off by saying I am sorry you had to experience an abusive but I am happy you got out of it. Not just for your own sake but your children. It’s very normal to go back and forth between feelings of being able to move on and that of sadness. Remember healing from grief comes in steps that are fluid and we are constantly going back and fourth between these steps. You will one day accept your past and be content with your present and future. I used to best myself up for not getting over my divorce quicker. I would get frustrated with myself for crying, feeling sad or thinking of my ex husband but I later realized I had to go through those feelings to process my divorce and later accept it. I encourage you to keep reading this series and I hope it helps you during your time of need. My duas to you and your children.
Aslmalkm I’m Nigerian and also recently divorced. I’ve been coping Masha Allah due to loving parents and a Lord who answers all prayers. It’s really a daunting task coping with divorce I’m still trying to heal. I just want to show solidarity to this forum. I hope we all gain positively from this forum.
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