I’ve come close to doing the deed. And that is not to play with fire. The fact that we are innocent, we think we test the limits, but don’t realise that we can tip over the edge.

Mashallah, I am no longer playing with fire (I am restraining myself more), and this is largely to an increase in knowledge. I read Sufi material, as well as philosophy, such as from the Stoics. I feel that I have learnt my lesson, and won’t approach these temporal pleasures, because basically what you are doing is satisfying your body illegally, although your soul takes a beating that you won’t forget. It’s not worth it, and Inshallah I will never do anything like that unless it is with my future wife.

I’ve repented and learnt my lesson. Look up the Confessions of St. Augustine, also. Might be a help.

I agree with the sister. Every ones situation is different. If Prophet SAW allowed women to pray in the mosque, then no one can stop them from going in the mosque…

My personal opinion is if the women prefer to pray in the homes for wahtever reasons, it is very important that have a way of learning deen constantly. every one needs an Imaan boost. Going to masjid helps increase ones imaan. So keeping women inside houses without making up the loss with something else, I think is Zulm

@Kooki1982 You have every right to have your opinion. I respect that.

But sister ummabdullah made a very valid point. Just because there is internet every where doesn’t for example mean a remote area in Afghanistan is same as Las Vegas. A person needs another real person to commit Zinah.

Having said that I agree with you that there is immorality every where but the level of immorality in Western Societies is so rampant that sometimes I feel how Allah i still giving us time.

I can understand where you come from. But you can not generalise your opinion based on just one story( your own). Secondly at the end of the day there are many factors involved in this. The place where you live is one of the factors. But if a person is intent to commit sin then there is nowhere they can run to.

knowledge of self and being prepared also helps
Know your weaknesses well, know when where how what triggers your temptAtions.
Plan in advance what your tactic is to deal with that temptation
Many problems can be solved if detected early before they solidify

Most of us are good most of the time. The real battle is only for crucial moments.
If we can learn and master strategy to control our behaviors during those crucial moments we win. Remember, we all have enough will power, but what we lack is self awareness, and tactics to deflect away temptations.
Ask yourself these questions and memorize them.
Where do you get tempted?
When alone?
Morning?
Evening?
When tired?
When you go to beach?
When you go to mall?
You are alone and you have access to internet ?
When you are bored?

So how do we plan? I’ll give some ideas, its not exhaustive, find your own.

If i get an urge of sin, i go out on a walk for an hour
Believe me this urge will go away, we have to practice distraction

If i get an urge ill not be alone, take a cold shower ( only localized)

If i get urge i will recite taawwuz or durood or zikr 100 times

Punishment– If you get urge then slap your face(gently) 10 or 20 times recite la hawla….

There can be many things but You have to plan some tactic to deal with this urge

Or come up with a specific action you will do when temptations or urges begin

Be prepared in advance with if then actions to deal with urges

This battle has to be all out from all sides.

Meditation id consider is a must weapon in your arsenal.
Just empty your mind. Theres a way to do it. Ask if you want to know.
Meditation brings stillness in the mind and body, removes distractions and makes mind body calm. Meditation needs to be done every day for as much as you can. It will quickly reformat your brain wirings and minimize urges to come, or if they come will prepare you to deal with them better.

Make sure you make note of how when why you slip?
What factors give you urges?
If you know your weaknesses very clearly , then you can have a battle plan

Also it goes without saying to avoid environment of sin as much as possible
Keep positive attitude, Allah is merciful, never despair. Satans trick is to put you in despair. Beware!
If you trip get up and move forward, use tawbah to keep coming back. This is key.
Never give up. Inshallah time will come when you win. End result matters, its ok if it takes time, be steadfast, dont give up.

One big mistake people think that its all about will power. No its not!
We all have enough will power. Mostly it is lack of self awareness, lack of planning and practice of tactics

Things have not improved much, I thought they were getting better, but looks like I’m stuck in a rut. Went months without talking them bam, so him in the street one day and the cycle began again. Why cant I stop this?? I feel like an addict

Jazak Allah Khairan for a most beautiful and practical article. I am . . . sinful. but reading this article shook me with a mighty shaking and as momentous and almost impossible as the task seems, I have hope in the Mercy of Allah Azzawajal that He will come to my aid and all those others struggling with similar matters.

the situation described doesn’t apply to me directly but has very striking resemblance to my situation. I have to regularly interact and work with a female colleague of mine to whom I am attracted, and even though she is married she seems to enjoy the attention I give her and keeps giving me leeway by allowing me to flirt with her and not push me away. It became easier for me when I was assignged to a different branch of the company but even now the brief, occasional interaction I have with her is enough to leave her image imprinted on my mind. Its really been a disaster for my personal life, especially, I think, because I am unmarried. I had been looking to get married before I met her but lately her image is so badly imprinted on my mind that I can’t seem to think of anyone else. and on top of all this I regularly turn to porn.

I’m a Muslim divorced sister unmarried. I was married for 2 months with an abusive man. I’ve been now single for 4 years and no relationship has worked out for me. I have been making a lot iof douas to Allah to guide me and send me a good spouse. im educated and smart and good looking and practicing Musilim alhamdulila but still it hasn’t worked out for me.

I’m being very patient but my desires have been really creeping up on me.
it’s extremely difficult and now reached the point where I do haram and watch haram and please myself because I feel like the desires have taken over me.

I’m in desperate help because I’m worried that I’m destroying My mind and that I won’t be able to have a normal relationship with a man again.

it’s depressing me tremendously and I need help.

I hope I am cured from this disease and I hope to get married soon in order to release all this tension and stress.

any advice is more than welcomed.

JAK

very well said may Allah grant you khair….