By Hamdi Safwan
Battling Temptation: Part I | Part II
You know Ahmad, right? He’s that bro you always saw running around the masjid, coordinating events, making way for sisters, and cleaning up after everyone left. He was a prominent activist in the community, and was loved by everyone he met. The youth, especially, bonded with him, and they often sought his help with their problems—from parental control to dating or even sex and drug addictions.
At work, people knew Ahmad as the only “practicing” Muslim. He prayed openly and tried not to shake hands with women—most of them knew to keep their distance. He was quite the handsome fella though; when he’d arrive to work some of the younger ladies would nudge each other and whisper and giggle almost childishly. A few of them even wore revealing clothes and acted flirtatiously with him just to tease him. But his faith kept him resistant; he’d often explain to them the etiquettes of interaction between men and women in Islam, trying all-the-while to lower his gaze and then mind his own business.
That worked for a while, but before he knew it, Satan had gotten the best of him; he slowly began stealing glances at them secretly every now and then. He’d catch himself and remember Allah’s words: “He sees the betrayal of the eyes, and what the hearts conceal.” He’d force himself to focus on his work again. Bit by bit, though, he started convincing himself that it’s only a glance, and at least he’s not actually doing anything wrong with them. He got comfortable with his glances, which became longer stares and full-blown visual examinations after some time.
Soon enough, he looked so frequently that even when he’d leave from work, their contours and gestures would replay in his mind. He started having lustful thoughts many times throughout the day. These feelings became stronger and stronger, until his heart became inflamed with desire, and severe longing to be with one of them. But he had enough faith and taqwa (God-consciousness) left in his heart to know that such an act would be out of the question; he would just feel too ashamed of himself before Allah to fall into such a situation.
To satisfy himself without harming anyone else or his reputation, he began spending his nights looking at porn, which eventually led him to masturbation. He’d feel so utterly disgusted and ashamed of himself afterwards, but his desires had become too intense. Soon he became addicted to the very same things he counseled the youth about! The feeling of hypocrisy ate at his heart, and he decided to isolate himself from the brothers who needed him.
After some time, he decreased much of his activism, which led him to spend more hours at work—until one day, he stayed overtime, found one of his female co-workers lingering and making advances; he froze, temptation ignited, and all hell broke loose…
You might not be “Ahmad”—or maybe you are. It might go down differently with each person, but the reality is that the temptations brothers and sisters are bombarded with at work, in the street, at the gym, on billboards, or on TV can make even the strongest and most Islamically active of them fall. If their work or activism isn’t coupled with intense spiritual fortification, they have trouble taming their desires and end up following the footsteps of Satan—who gladly traverses with them the spectrum of minor sins to the major sin of adultery, once, twice or habitually. If their heart is not hardened with sin yet, they most likely experience feelings of extreme guilt, disgust, and depression.
Some leave the jama`ah (community) out of feelings of hypocrisy, failing to see that this is Satan’s tactic to bury them in their sin even more. If they are married, their sex life with their spouses takes a hit and their wives notice that they no longer need them as much to satisfy their desires. The wives might think something is wrong with their appeal, and they might change their dress and approaches to entice their husbands, but without avail. They become pained and sad because they can’t please their husbands, not realizing that their husband’s desires are being fulfilled elsewhere.
How Do I Stop?!
Whether your struggle is at the initial stages of guarding your gaze and thoughts, or at the level of looking at porn, masturbation, or actual adultery (may Allah protect us all), these are some suggestions and tips to help in battling the temptation:
- Check Your Heart. While you might think the problem lies in the attractiveness of the opposite gender, sins don’t materialize unless the heart itself is vulnerable. As Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – exalted is He) says: “And do not be soft in speech lest the one with a diseased heart will long (for you).” The Prophet ﷺ also states in an illustrative hadith: “Trials are presented to the heart (repeatedly) as a mat is woven straw by straw. So, whichever heart absorbs it, a black spot is blotched on it, and whichever heart deflects it, a white dot is spotted on it. (This continues) until hearts become one of two states: a whitened heart that is not harmed by any trial so long as the heavens and the earth remain, or a blackened, deviant heart that knows no good and rejects no evil except what it absorbs of its desires” (Reported by Muslim).
- Strengthen the Resolve. If you’re not highly committed to making a change, you’ll quit if your first few attempts to stop the sin end in failure. Take some time to make a sincere intention to put an end to your bad habits for Allah’s sake. Every time you think of letting go again, remember your commitment, your desire to please Allah, and the benefits that await you in this life and the hereafter if you stay patient.
- Know the Consequences. If you can’t grasp the sins’ effects, you probably won’t have the drive to change. Know that these sins drain the imaan (faith) in your heart and distance you from Allah; they spoil your mood with feelings of guilt and depression, and decrease your inner happiness; if you’re married, they ruin your sex life with your spouse and could lead you eventually to divorce; also, your hereafter won’t be too pleasant if you insist on these sins (especially adultery) and don’t repent.
- Boost the Imaan Dosage. With this struggle, you can’t just pray five times a day. Keep up with your sunnah prayers (before and after the obligatory ones), Duha (morning) prayers, night prayers, and Witr prayer—prolonging your rukū` and sujūd in each of them. Infuse your days, hours, minutes, and seconds with reflective dhikr and recitation of the Qur’an, and consciously feel the meanings with your heart before your tongue utters the words. Don’t give up if you can’t feel anything! Keep trying and trying until you do. Be more consistent with your fasting so it can curb your urges and make you feel closer to Allah. All these worships will build you an impenetrable fortress to protect you from Satan’s traps, and the black cannonballs catapulted constantly at your heart.
- Block the Means. Find the problem and sever it from its roots. If it’s your co-workers and you can’t cap the temptation, limit your interaction, change your hours or division if possible, or switch jobs if your situation is getting out of hand. If it’s the net, restrict your access and keep your computer in view of others. If it’s on the street, occupy your eyes and ears with Allah’s words, or keep your face buried in a book or newspaper (not if you’re driving of course!) until you reach your destination. If you catch a glimpse and feel the urge, immediately seek refuge in Allah from Satan, and ask for forgiveness; and if you’re not married, get married! Easier said than done, I know; but if you’re married, have relations with your wife as soon as possible (as the Prophet ﷺ advised).
- Practice Personal Penalty. Set a certain penalty for yourself (i.e. giving charity, praying all night, fasting consecutively), then enforce the penalty every time you slip. Increase the penalty in increments or duration the more you keep doing the sin. Soon enough, your desire to not be broke and to rest or eat will outweigh the need to fulfill your other desire. Plus, these good deeds are a means of expiating your sins and gaining the mercy of Allah, so if it doesn’t get you to stop, at least you’ll help counterbalance your sins with good deeds. If your chosen penalty doesn’t work with you, change it to something more effective, or enforce more than one penalty simultaneously.
- Keep Yourself Occupied. After Satan, boredom is your worst enemy in this struggle. Make sure you stay busy and make yourself useful; read books, write articles, go jogging, lift weights, visit people, work on new projects, do community service, teach children; no matter how bad your sin is, don’t let Satan deceive you into feeling hypocritical and cutting you off from everyone. Praise Allah for concealing your secret sin as you struggle with it privately, and keep contributing as before, and even more.
- Stay with the Righteous. Don’t let your feeling of shame and embarrassment get you to avoid the people who can help you change! Allah says: “And keep yourself patiently with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His countenance; and let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is lost.” (Qur’an, 18:28) Live this verse, day and night. Find the people who remind you of Allah, and stick to them like bees to honey (as Imam Suhaib would say). Pray in congregation, attend study circles consistently, and socialize frequently with them. Find the ones you look up to for their character, and ask them (indirectly if need be) for advice on how to increase modesty and curb bad habits.
- Never Quit Repenting. Never, ever, ever give up on Allah’s mercy and forgiveness! Satan messes with your mind and gets you to think your sin is so great that Allah will not forgive it. But Allah forgives all sins, and He extends His Hand out during the day and the night so all the sinners can repent. He says: “Allah wants to accept your repentance, but those who follow [their] passions want you to digress [into] a great deviation.” After explaining how the servants of the Most Merciful don’t commit adultery, and how adulterers are punished severely, Allah states: “Except for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah will replace their evil deeds with good (ones). And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.” How cool is that? Your repentance will transform all your bad deeds into good deeds!! So, even if you find yourself falling into sin over and over, repent repeatedly and sincerely every time, and you’ll find that Allah will grant you an outlet sooner than you think.
- Make Mad Supplication. Last but not least, talk to Allah; show him how much you really want to change! Do it humbly and follow the etiquettes of du`a’: make ablution, face the qiblah, raise your palms up, praise him with His most beautiful Names, pray upon the Prophet ﷺ. Then, ask Him to help you overcome your habits or addiction, and replace your lusts and desires with His love and the desire to please Him. Pray softly, humbly and with awe and fear (if you cry, that’s even better)—and trust that Allah will answer your prayers. Do this often; after the call to prayer, after you pray, and in the last third of the night.
Also, when Abu Bakr (my Allah be pleased with him) asked the Prophet ﷺ for dhikr to recite in the morning and evening, he ﷺ told him to say this (learn this supplication, and say it often):
Allahumma `ālim al-ghaybi wa’l-shahādati fātir al-samāwāti wa’l-ardi rabba kulli shay’in wa malīkah; ash-hadu an lā ilāha illa ant, a`ūdhu bika min sharri nafsī, wa min sharri’l-shaytāni wa shirkih (sharakih), wa ‘an aqtarifa `ala nafsī sū’an aw ajurrahu ilā Muslim.
“O Allah, Knower of the unseen and the evident, Maker of the heavens and the earth, Lord of everything and its Possessor, I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but You. I seek refuge in You from the evil of my soul and from the evil of Satan and his helpers (or traps); and from bringing evil upon my soul and from harming any Muslim.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi)
Insha’Allah (God willing) the readers can also share their thoughts and suggestions.
May Allah purify the heart of every struggling soul and keep us all firm on the straight path. Amin!
This was a very helpful post for all, but I think especially those of us trying to be patient until we can get married, while being surrounded by those who are engaging in premarital activity (normal for them, non-Muslims for the most part, but many Muslims too, sadly) or other things such as drinking, visiting distasteful establishments, etc. Indeed, it is a daily struggle with shaytaan and one’s inner demons.
Maybe one question I have is, that what does one do when some youth who are engaged in certain activity (dating, living together, though no immediate intention to change this) want to spend time with someone who they feel is good company, though this latter person doesn’t engage in and dislikes this state of relations/atmosphere? Thanks in advance.
Ameen to the closing du’a.
Jazak’Allahu Khairan for this all-important reminder.
I have not read the article..however i just read the top and i wanted to add two cents of my own which i hope someone out there can benefit from. I realize temptation exists in all societies .. at varying levels ..but it exists. The following point i’m gona make is not normally suggested as a solution but I think in all honesty it should be.
I have moved to a country with majority muslims and it makes a huge difference. the LEVEL of temptation is much less. the open acceptance of a high level of lewdness and lack of social accountability(in terms of dating and such) that is characteristic of many western countries does not exist to THAT LEVEL in muslim majority countries.
Obviously there is a lot of lewdness and craziness in muslim societies as well, but the difference is that within them are areas where you will have more support for your deen. Alhamdulillah we live in an area for instance where I feel that we are largely cut off from fitna and have what i would call a pretty healthy environment overall. and truly this is a blessing from Allah.
If someone really feels the fitna is so horrible where they live, the earth of Allah is vast and I believe they should consider living in a place where they will have more support in practicing their deen.this obviously involves serous evaluation of your priorities..short term and long term.
It would be mad if someone tried to cross a highway with traffic coming at high speeds..yet everyday we ourselves place ourselves into situations that ARE RECIPES FOR DISASTER. Why test yourself till you break?
I love you man, what you said is very very inspiring and true. Allah guided me one step closer by me coming on this page and reading what you had to say. “why test yourself till you break” this is like what I am going through, and I did not know how to express what I was going through, and this is like 100% it. There is so much fitna around me, and I constantly say it is okay if I stick to Allah I will handle it. But the thing is running away from fitna is part of sticking to Allah. Islam is truly a religion of knowledge and depth. Thank you brother, may Allah give you and all muslims eternal peace and tranquility, ameen.
“It would be mad if someone tried to cross a highway with traffic coming at high speeds..yet everyday we ourselves place ourselves into situations that ARE RECIPES FOR DISASTER. Why test yourself till you break?”
VERY well said.
So umabdallah you didnt bother to read the article, but you commented anyway, offering moving to a Muslim majority country as a solution. Hmmmm…I take offense to this on so many levels.
First, the fact you didnt read the whole article. Enough said.
Second, exactly which Muslim majority country would you suggest? Unless you are thinking of some hole in the wall country/desert island that has NO internet or TV access AT ALL, your advice certainly wont work. The filth of adultery and approaching it is present in every country on earth, because the internet and satellite TV are present also…Muslim majority or not. And I cant think of a single Muslim majority country on earth that doesnt have OPEN prostitution, homosexuality, child sexual abuse (there is one Gulf “Shariah” ruled Muslim majority country in my mind where adults males prefer sex with young boys, and their children learn how to have sex by practicing on the maids). Dating and lewd behavior is everywhere–it is not hidden or toned down…perhaps it’s a bit easier to ignore in a place like Egypt for example,because the young people have secret places to go and do their actual nasty thing, yet at the same time most of the young females dress like hoochie mamas and streetwalkers with a hijab on their head. Nothing funnier than seeing a girl with her belly button showing and about 6 layers of different colors of scarf wrapped around her head.
Third, the internet is a great place for even the best Muslims to go and indulge in filth. My ex husband is an Arab Muslim who has dedicated his whole life to propogating Islam, is hafiz Quran, a scholar, and the very epitome of a fine Muslim. Yet he spends all his free time online looking for kaffir women–and men–to meet and have sex with! They come to his country, he goes to theirs…whatever…it worked for him. So I fail to see the advantages of moving all the way across the world to a Muslim majority country (as I did) and then find the filth in your own home. You really need to rethink your statement. And I would love to know what country you moved to!
very well said may Allah grant you khair….
@Kooki1982 You have every right to have your opinion. I respect that.
But sister ummabdullah made a very valid point. Just because there is internet every where doesn’t for example mean a remote area in Afghanistan is same as Las Vegas. A person needs another real person to commit Zinah.
Having said that I agree with you that there is immorality every where but the level of immorality in Western Societies is so rampant that sometimes I feel how Allah i still giving us time.
I can understand where you come from. But you can not generalise your opinion based on just one story( your own). Secondly at the end of the day there are many factors involved in this. The place where you live is one of the factors. But if a person is intent to commit sin then there is nowhere they can run to.
I have just recently moved to India after 3 years in UK. I was living and working in central london. I was living alone and was addicited to porn and masturbation even though I was praying 5 times a day. I was sick of myself and disgraced. Due to circumstance I had some kind of awakening towards islam, then I saw there was so much temptation at work etc. I could not take it anymore. So I move to my home country India. Here there is lot less public nudity. You hardly have time to think about anything else other than the traffic and mayhem and friends and family. You can be at peace atleast not having that constant fear of falling into temptation.
I do miss UK, but then I had to make a choice whether I want duniya or Akhirah. I realised my Nafs was weak.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Abu Hurayrah said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “All of my ummah will be forgiven except those who sin openly. It is a part of sinning openly when a man does something at night, then the following morning when Allaah has concealed his sin, he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when all night his Lord has concealed him and the next morning he uncovers what Allaah had concealed.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990).
I found it very interesting that the perspective was that Ahmad was a great Muslim man, but the women at his job lured him into sin until he could no longer resist.
SO patriarchal…a woman can be minding her own business in a potato sack but if a man is struggling in his heart he can be succumb to any or no level of external temptation. I know women who didn’t have to flirt with, speak to, or even glance at Muslim man for him to walk out of his way to make an advance at HER. I’m just saying, this idea that women pull men into sin needs to be eliminated from the ummah, it’s not right.
surely it is not one way.
a man does need to control his gaze but from what??shouldn’t that factor also be controlled?
the woman is also oppressing the man by exposing herself to him(getting aroused is natural) and so why should it be only the man surrounded by women who is always controlling his desires.
why shouldn’t the woman also have a code of conduct?
it needs to be two way. women need not expose and men need not ogle at what gets exposed.
this is what islam teaches-
women be in hijab, men and women can not be alone at a private place, men and women lower their gaze. they do interact,conduct transactions
but within these limits.
so none is oppressing other.
nothing patriarchial or its opposite he …..
masha’Allah a well written article….
as the seasons get warmer again and the level of nudity increases, I feel so sorry for our brothers. May Allah reward you for restraining your glance.
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.
Jazak-Allah khair to br Hamdi for the dua;
My Shaykh mentioned it and I’ve been looking for the Arabic.
Allahumma salli ‘ala Sayyidina Muhammadin
wa ‘ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallim.
Muslim Matters also has a great article on this topic with advice from former and current addicts, a wife who is dealing with her husband, Yasir Qadhi, etc
Jazakhallah khair for the article!
“They sat together in the park, as the evening sky grew dark , she looked at him and he felt a spark , tingle to his bone, twas then he felt alone, and wished, that he gone straight, instead of a “SIMPLE TWIST OF FATE.” May Allah forgive us for what we did, protect us from the evil of our own souls.
One of the major problems is the tv. Even if there’s not hardcore stuff there is always the subtle things which I think are worse ultimately,because they get through-if you were flipping the channels and you saw something clearly bad you would switch away, but the subtle things you think ok I would pay attention and it will pass. We can’t fool ourselves for a minute-like I’m not acting on these things,but if we continue to look one thing leads to another so anybody can find themselves in a risky situation, so why destroy your eyes and lead yourself to become shaitan’s victim.
But sadly there is barely anything that doesn’t have any type of sexual reference’s on the tv apart from sesame street or children’s cartoons! Whether it is on the tv or billboards or magazines, as a female it is these very subtle things especially that I find so demeaning and really lower my self worth and I find myself feeling very self concious actually because I am trying to cover properly because I don’t want men and boys to look at me in that light as they have for so many years before since I was 12! This kind of media is so abusive!
Another thing what I don’t like is when people diss the girls hejab AT LEAST SHE IS TRYING you wouldn’t notice her clothes if you were’n’t looking anyway! You feel like you can’t even go to the mosque just because of the men- when all they could do is introduce you to some sisters! It puts me off going to the mosque when you are new because where are all the sisters??That’s why I prefer to pray at home.But it makes me feel sad because I really want to go to the mosque.
I miss when I was a kid and I had no tv my Dad didn’t allow it in the house because then even if I was bored I would read more and paint, or go sit in the tree! All this stuff media whether it has sexual reference’s or not it it so negative and makes you feel so depressed.Now we become like prisoners in our own homes yet we are free to go out any time. I must get my license so I can drive out of the city whenever I feel like this.Being surrounded by nature is helpful not to get caught up in many distractions, it makes you feel closer to Allah!
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Sister, it is better for you to pray in your home! This is from the Sunnah!
“The more favorable opinion is that it does not apply to every woman. The Prophet (ﷺ) told this to Umm Humayd Al-Sa`idiyyah, and it appears to be specifically pertaining to her because other women would pray Fajr and all the other prayers with the Prophet (ﷺ).
It is also confirmed that he said: “Do not prevent the female servants of Allah from (entering) the Houses of Allah and they should go out unadorned.” He also said: “If any woman puts perfume on, she should not pray with us the last `Isha’.” And, from the hadith of `Aisha in al-Muwatta’, “The women would pray Fajr with the Prophet (ﷺ), and they would return wrapped in their garments, unknown in the darkness.”
The Prophet would order the men not to leave the masjid until the women did, and he ordered the women not to rise up (after prostrating) until the men had sat down in case the men’s privates became uncovered (many of the Prophet’s companions were poor and only wore garments that covered their navel to their knees). He also left the last rows in the masjid for the women, and said that the best of the men’s rows are the first ones, and the worst are the last; and the best of the women’s rows are the last and the worst are the first.
So, all this indicates that women also gain more reward for praying in the masjid, just like men. This is especially true when the masajid in our times have designated areas for women. During the Prophet’s (ﷺ) time the men and women were not separated in the masjid; the women simply prayed in rows behind the men.”
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
With all due respect, I do not believe that is the more favorable opinion or the more correct one.
“It is also confirmed that he said: “Do not prevent the female servants of Allah from (entering) the Houses of Allah and they should go out unadorned.” He also said: “If any woman puts perfume on, she should not pray with us the last `Isha’.” And, from the hadith of `Aisha in al-Muwatta’, “The women would pray Fajr with the Prophet (ﷺ), and they would return wrapped in their garments, unknown in the darkness.””
None of this contradicts the hadith that a woman’s prayer in her home is better than in the mosque. There is simply no contradiction here.
The fatwa fails to mention how this contradicts the hadith that a woman’s prayer at home is better then at the mosque from what I’ve just read.
I agree with the sister. Every ones situation is different. If Prophet SAW allowed women to pray in the mosque, then no one can stop them from going in the mosque…
My personal opinion is if the women prefer to pray in the homes for wahtever reasons, it is very important that have a way of learning deen constantly. every one needs an Imaan boost. Going to masjid helps increase ones imaan. So keeping women inside houses without making up the loss with something else, I think is Zulm
I think the ‘How Do I Stop?!’ section can be applied to many sins, not just zina or the path to zina.
I really enjoyed that section and the tips within.
Remember though, Shaytan does not want just zina for ‘Ahmad’ but much more (May Allah protect us!).
Read the story of Barsisa the Worshipper.
Barsisa, the worshipper
At the time of Bani Israel, there was a man in a small village, called Barsisa. He was, what you call, a monk. But he was a true Christian. He believed in Tawheed and believed Isa (peace be upon him) was a messenger of Allah. One day three brothers decided to go for Jihad. But they had a sister and they did not want to leave her alone. So they went looking for someone to take care of her. The town people suggested to leave her with Barsisa, because of his piety. So they went to him and when they asked him, he said, “I seek refuge from the cursed Shaytan” and said No! This was because he was scared of falling into sin ( due to the potential fitnah it may cause). Then Shaytan came to Barsisa in the form of Waswasah (Whisperings). Shaytan is very smart and knew Barsisa had a soft heart. So he told Barsisa, “What if they can’t find someone good and leave her with someone bad, wouldn’t that be your fault?” Now Barsisa did not realise this was Shaytan whispering in his heart, and because of his compassion for others, he decided to accept their request and help the woman.
He let her stay in a house opposite the church. He did this so that it would be easy for him to leave her her food outside the church and she could come get it herself. But after sometime, shaytan returned. This time he told Barsisa, “Why don’t you leave the food closer for her, so that people don’t see her moving back and forth alone!” Barsisa agreed and started leaving the food outside the house. But shaytan wasn’t happy with this either, so sometime later, he returned and ask Barsisa, “Why don’t you go in and leave it on the table, so that no one sees her coming out and going in alone all the time!” Again, Barsisa agreed and he started leaving the food on the table.
Then as time went by, Shaytan returned and said to him, “Why don’t you talk to her, she is all alone and has no one to talk to!” Barsisa agreed and started talking to her from behind a door (so as to screen himself). But this would lead them to almost shouting to each other to here themselves. Shaytan asked Barsisa to just go in and talk to her, and finally, he (Shaytan) had got the alone in a room. Shaytan had completed the difficult part. It wasn’t after Barsisa and the woman committed fornication. And to make things worse, she also became pregnant. As soon as the baby was born, Shaytan returned, and said to Barsisa, “What have you done? Look at the result of your evil (ie the child), get ride of the evidence otherwise the brothers will kill you!” Barsisa killed the baby and buried it in the same room the woman was in. Shaytan then told Barsisa, “Do you think you can kill the child of a woman and expect her not to tell anyone?!” and So Barsisa killed her and buried her along side the baby! He then made a fake grace outside and when her brothers returned, he informed them that she died of illness. After seeing the grave and make dua for her, they returned home and accepted Allah’s decree.
Later that night, Shaytan came to them in their dream and informed them about what Barsisa had done and where the child and their sister could be found. The brother got up upset and confused, and informed his brothers of the dream, and they both said they had the same dream. So they believed that it must be true, and when and dug up the fake grave and found it empty. They then dug the placed shaytan showed them in the dream and found the child and woman!
Furious, the brothers took Barsisa to the Leader to get his punishment. Barsisa knew that he would be given the death penalty. Shaytan came to Barsisa again, for the final time this time. This time he revealed himself and told him he was the one whispering the thoughts to him. And he said that he could save Barsisa, and as long as Barsisa makes sujood to him! Barsisa, out of desperation made Sujood to him , this confirmed his Kufr (disbelief) and Shaytan said to him “I am free of you, I fear Allâh, the Lord of the ‘Alamîn (mankind, jinns and all that exists)!” and left Barsisa was stonned to death and on the day of judgement he will be resurrected making Sujood to Shaytan!
So look how shaytan tricked him. He came to him as a friend, but was infact his biggest enemy!
(Their allies deceived them) like Shaitân (Satan), when he says to man: “Disbelieve in Allâh.” But when (man) disbelieves in Allâh, Shaitân (Satan) says: “I am free of you, I fear Allâh, the Lord of the ‘Alamîn (mankind, jinns and all that exists)!” (Al-Hashr 59:16)
Shaytan will never make you sin directly, he will always trick you using Waswasah and he is more patient than any of us. So we should always seek refuge in Allah from Shayatn. Never think you have anough knowledge or are strong enough to take on Shaytan. This is why the Scholars of Islam are the ones with the most Taqwa, fear of Allah. So reflect on the story, if Shaytan told Barsisa to make sujood in the beginning, Barsisa would have said no staright away, but Shaytan has a plan in hand it was a step by step policy that made Barsisa finally breakdown and commit Kufr.
Reference for above story:
Stories in the Quran – Ibn Kathir – 110
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
“This is why the Scholars of Islam are the ones with the most Taqwa, fear of Allah.”
You can’t actually know that at all. That is something in the heart. We all can distinguish between someone who habitually, openly commits major sins and one who doesn’t. But really, we cannot determine the taqwa in peoples hearts. This over praise of scholars has got to stop.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Oh, JazzakAllahu khair-that was an incredible story. Even if we think we are the most shy, we would never commit a sin like that we can’t be certain. We cannot attribute purity to ourselves. Allah knows what we are made of and how He fashioned us in the wombs of our mothers. He is more knowing of who has taqwa.
May Allah increase the authors scale of good deeds, ameen
Masha Allah I think this is a wonderful article. Thank you for bringing up a subject that many times Muslims maybe shy away from mentioning or pretend that it’s not a problem.
One thing that I would add would be that if someone tries all of this and it fails, they should seek professional counseling. In some people’s cases these desires can become an addiction and professional help to address this addiction is the path that is needed. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed to seek help because it is for the sake of Allah.
May Allah(swt) guide all of us, insha Allah 🙂
My only concern with professional counseling is whether or not the very counseling, as necessary as it may be, will be given through an Islamic lens. I’d love to hear Imam Webb’s view on this. I’m very hesitant to just goto the school counselor because most of the “doctors” nowadays just pass out pills or have no idea of basic metaphysical thought let alone faith let alone modesty let alone, etc….Please don’t confuse this with my general respect for non-Muslim scholarship, but this is certainly a very tricky one, at least for me. And then we have the Muslim authorities who haven’t been “trained” how to react to such cases. Astaghfirallah. May Allah provide a healthier round of scholars in our communities. Amiin.
Muslim counselor: Shifa.ca
often gives talks at conferences.
Jazakallahu khairan shaykh
One of the best articles I’ve seen in a long time dealing with this issue.
May Allah (swt) save us all from the temptations of shaytaan and allow us to Please Him (swt). Ameen.
Subhanallah! An excellent piece!
Jazak Allahu kul khayr, very beneficial tips in sha’ Allah for anyone dealing with any issues
Number 8 hit a particular nerve for me. Talk to righteous people around you, the best ones will help you and not scold you. Unfortunately in many Muslim communities I’ve seen the “holier than thou” attitude is so prevalent that many don’t even try to approach the righteous people.
[ Comment moderated. Moderator’s note: it was copy pasted from: http://muslimmatters.org/2007/08/19/pornogrpahy-addiction-among-muslims-stories-tips/#1 ]
Keep fighting brother. I’ll keep you in my duas insha’Allah. Know that there are people who have overcome this so there is much hope. Prove to yourself, to Allah(SWT), and to everyone else that you can come out on top and put control on your desires and desire something that is pleasing to Allah(SWT). Also, implementing the character of prophet Muhammad(SAWS) and focusing on tarbiya will help insha’Allah.
I believe part of the problem is that we – as Muslim community – seem to think that if someone has a problem then their Iman is not strong enough. There are times – however – when external intervention by professionals is necessary – no matter how hard one tries to remedy the situation.
For example – I have known people with severe anxiety and depression – who required counseling and medication. Does this mean that they are less strong in their faith? No, not all!
I believe the same thing applies to addictions as well – and so I really urge all my brothers and sisters that are struggling with any addiction to seek professional help.
If professional help is sought, please search for an appropriate person.
Many professionals would see no problem with watching racy tv shows, with dating or masturbating or other activities, and they might even see having aversion to or anxiety/guilt over these things as unhealthy!
1-10 are all powerful spiritual tools to address the problems mentioned in the article.
Jazakum Allahu khair.
Practical suggestion for the married “Ahmad’s” in the workplace to avoid flirtatious women: Wear a wedding ring, mention one’s wife and kids regularly (in a positive tone like “my wife and Iwent to our son’s soccer game on Saturday – his team won, we were so happy!”; don’t ever complain about your wife!), display some family photos prominently on your desk.
If th photos draw any comment from a female (is that your wife?), always be positive, “yes, she’s the love of my life” or something to that effect and move onto another subject or excuse yourself and leave or say you’re really busy.
Many (most?) married Muslim men don’t seem to wear wedding rings. Not wearing a wedding ring is one of the most clear tip-offs to relationship availability in the US. It shows you are single. If you are married but don’t wear a ring this speaks volumes about your marriage in this culture.
You don’t “have” to wear a wedding ring in Islam, but it has meaning in this culture. So if you are trying to avoid someone putting the move’s on you, this might be something practical to do.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta’alaa guide us.
Jazakillah khair Umm. Very relevant advice!
I used to wear wed ring on my left hand finger, then when listening to a speech on “bid’a”, I came to know that our holy prophet (SA)used to wear a ring but not not to mean that he is married, then wearing wed ring is bid’a !!
Excellent, practical advise. Thank you.
due to this temptation, i can’t live with or without my wife, as of now. astaghfirullah.
Excellent article. May Allah benefit all the readers including me.
Can you edit the article and provide the dua with tashkeel. It is difficult to memorize the dua for me and I guess for others too.
Wa alaykum assalam,
Edited. Please remember us in your du’as.
[…] Battling Temptation Wonderful article with dua. Read now […]
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subhanAllah, this is such a beautiful piece. i love it.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala protect us from the evil of our nafs ameen
A very useful article. May Allah help us to stay away from the temptations of Shaytaan.
I liked this article…but I wish it also included how women also fall into temptation, from time to time. It is usually not as sexually overt as it happens for men, but it does happen a lot more than you would think even for sisters . They are the ones who are like Ahmed but the female version…you know the type who wears hijab, teaches Sunday school, leads the ladies halaqas and has high levels of iman.
These kind of things happen to many women . It would be great if sisters could be included as well in topics about temptation because they are not prone to wanting to be desired by the opposite gender.
[…] Battling Temptation – Whether your struggle is at the initial stages of guarding your gaze and thoughts, or at the level of looking at porn, masturbation, or actual adultery (may Allah protect us all), some suggestions and tips to help in battling the temptation. […]
[…] Battling Temptation – Whether your struggle is at the initial stages of guarding your gaze and thoughts, or at the level of looking at porn, masturbation, or actual adultery (may Allah protect us all), some suggestions and tips to help in battling the temptation. […]
Salam all, Thank u.. thi post helped a lot…I am 20 yrz old..thought myself a strong girl, never gave in to friendship proposals by guys as i knew it wud get me into wrong stuff… lived a peaceful life wih my parents.. Trouble started eight months ago when i was approached by a young good looking man. I thought why am i so strict with myself? suddenly all i had read in magazines movies and tv started being so tempting.. i thought i was wasting myself living a life without any “FUN”… I wanted to experience everything life could give… and so we became gud friendz………………
I feel i have lost my innocence! my pure life is all gone! I want to repent but I think I shall never be forgiven!! what can I do?? How can I repent ? How can I make my heart clean again??
am no longer friendz wth this guy but i regret falling so low!! I have let myself down in my eyes and Allahs eyes!!! I want to cleanse my soul and be my old self again… what can i do :(((
Walaykum assala wr wb dear sister…
May Allah Ta’ala ease your tasks for you, for indeed He is The Best Disposer of affairs…Most Great…The Greater.
Sis, the situation you are facing has been faced by other people as well, in fact a similar experience was narranted by a person to Prophet Muhammad, SAWS.
You know what sis, you should never ever despair the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala…He Is The Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful. 🙂
By the way sis, it is highly recommended that one does not inform others about the sins one has committed…on one such occassion when a person informed Muhammad SAWS about his sin, Muhammad SAWS told him that he revealed what Allah Ta’ala had concealed for him…so just confide in Allah Subaanahu wa Ta’ala…
Now, coming to your present situation, your priority should be to purify your intention to return to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’ala…
SubhaanAllah! You must thank Allah subhaanahu wa Ta’ala that you’ve got parents!!
Read the Book of Allah, pray to Him to guide you through it and make it the light of your heart…inshaAllah , you’ll see many singns that seem custom made for you, no matter what situation you are in !! For example:
the following verse comes right from Allah Ta’ala:
“Say: O’ My slaves who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not the Mercy of Allah;…”
[The Holy Qur’an 39:53]
I deeply suggest that you listen wholeheartedly to the following lecture by our brother Nouman Ali Khan…here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CYyfiEMNBk
Please do copy it to your browser and watch it!!
On a personal note, dear sis, satan hates your intention itself to repent to Allah Ta’ala…the Prophet warned us that the satan has lost hope in leading us astray in big things, so we must beware of following him in small things!! isn’t this so true? our experiences teach that to us, don’t they??.
Sister , I deeply hope that you would, bi iznillah, repent to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’ala and seek true refuge in Him.
Please do listen to the talk…ASAP, inshaAllah.
Fee Emaan Allah…
Love you for the sake of Allah Ta’ala.
Your sister <3
This is a good article.
I have to point out, that whenever there are any articles about being tempted, they are always about men being tempted by women.
Let me tell you something that might be a shocker. Women are VERY MUCH tempted too! Many of them want to get married to avoid this. Especially in an office type setting as described. Women get just as tempted by TV, images, men, and fall into the same sins: porn, masturbation, fornication. I feel like it is just generally accepted that women are not as tempted. Couldn’t be further from the truth!
The triggers might be different for men and women, but the emotions are all the same my friend! Revealing clothes might be tempting to men, but fully clothed men can tempt women. The way he looks at her might tempt her. The way he holds her gaze might tempt her. The way he goes out of his way to help her might tempt her. His praise tempts her. His strength tempts her. His cologne tempts her. His hair, his voice, his smile, it could all be tempting! These are all triggers that make it very VERY easy for her to imagine her with him physically. It may not always his ‘personality’ that tempts her, as people tend to generalize about females. Girls can be visual too!
Also hearing a ‘cute’ or ‘romantic’ story, that definitely tempts her. Why do you think there are so many new romance novels out every week, and each one is a best seller! Seeing a couple, non muslims, etc. being affectionate in movies, parks, malls, in public, that for sure tempts her. Getting all dressed up and having no one to appreciate her, that tempts her. All the little subtle hints on TV tempt her. In addition to this, a lot of the same things that tempt men: images, etc, those tempt her too! So its a double whammy!
Its very real. Even the muslimahs you see covered, who keep their respect, and basically female versions of ‘Ahmad’ in the story, they all go through this and it is very VERY hard for them as well to lower their gaze sometimes, to not smile as much or to turn away and keep from getting a guys attention when they KNOW how EASY it would be for them to get the guy to follow their every move.
Just telling it like it is. Ive seen it happen.And yet it is never addressed.
Yes,the above mentioned is true.Girls are suckers for romance.If a non muslim guy approaches an AVERAGE muslim with his ways,there are strong chances for him to get lucky…
And Allah knows better
This was really helpful. I am 16 .and its been 3 or 4 months that i have completely abbolished Masturbation nd pron watching from inside me. But the thing is. i have a very thick or rather complicated life. nd there’s a girl, i’ve made her my sister and i know i mean it .but we just talk on msgs and both help each other, I am having very bad thoughts about her dn all Females of my family(even sometimes my mother) .It happens when m wandering around and have loosened my mind, its like the characters of those Ill movies , are that sister of mine or even a family member, i know its sattan’s trap or all that /.but m getting frustrated .destroying from the inside. I need help.
I understand your problem, but what you need is help from Allah (swt). and repeatedly asking from Allah will bring you success. for me I had ‘homosexual thoughts’ and was repeatedly asking Allah and He removed this from me completely !!! now I am married and happy life.
another thing, u can’t make any relation with a young girl agreeing each other that brother and sister relationship only, please read the story above..
please try to marry when you reach at least 20-21 if the problem exist..
and lots of dua…
lots of repentance…
never shy to repent, but sincere..
I feel trapped, I am a female, in my twenties, married and attracted to my co worker. I feel so ashamed of myself, I have tried to do everything in this article, there are days when I forget about him, but some days the thoughts are soo strong and we end up talking on the phone. I know he feels the same way about me, he has told me. I repent all the time but keep getting the urges, I feel so guilty, and that maybe I’m not repenting enough or that maybe I am enjoying his attention that my repentance isn’t valid, I really don’t know what to do. I have tried to look for a job in another state, I have an interview I’m Washington soon, I pray its a way out
assalam alaykum sister layla al falah,
i am sorry to hear about your situation. don’t fall into temptation please! he’s a jerk who is trying to boost his ego and he will hurt you once he sleeps with you and you will be the loser you know this happens all the time with non-muslim women.
please forgive me for being harsh but i care as your fellow sister-in-islam. have some self respect and ask allah (swt) for forgiveness. i shall pray dua for you sister, but please, go to your husband for affection and attention as you are lucky you are married. many single sisters would love to be married and have their desires fulfilled.
think about how much you will lose in the duniya – your marriage, and in the akhira, your deen. insha allah, may you have the strength to save yourself from this hole you have fallen but at the bottom of every hole, is a way up!
Salamalaykum wa ahmatullah dear sister 🙂
I’m with you on that one! My sitch turned out bad and I wish i could take back time (no relationship came of it but it turned into a bad harassment case that took years to heal from)
An interesting site to really heal your misplaced love and pain is something I found very helpful.
Because I’ve always believed the truth of “There is nothing in life to be feared, only understood.”
Thank you sisters, I really appreciate your help and advice. The thing is my husband is my best friend, we are so close, we met at college at and married very young. Now its been a few years and as bad as this sounds, there just isn’t any ‘satisfaction’ in our relationship, I am so frustrated, but he thinks the problem is with me and won’t discuss is any further. I know my desires are working overtime, but I wish and pray that I could feel attracted to him again. I know I am being tested and InshAllah I will never go down that rd with my co worker, but I can’t live like this, I am constantly on edge, so yes, women have urges too, especially this hijabi
One solution, as someone else already stated, is to seek intimacy with your husband first. Exhaust every resource in trying to make yourself feel attrcted to him.
If after you have given it your best and you still don’t feel attracted to him, then it is better you leave him and then remarry than to commit zina.
You say he is your best friend, but there is no satisfaction – does that mean he just isn’t able to last during intimacy? If so try to guide him to what you like and don’t be shy about what you need – most men don’t know what the woman actually wants during intimacy. Also look into spicing things up with unconventional during that time and have him satisfy you with other means.
I remember one time that a visiting scholar once told me that in the bedroom, immodesty is modesty between spouses and that each should be open and clear about what they want and not get frustrated when the other person just can’t guess it.
And I echo the words of those other sisters, the coworker just wants to make this a novel conquest – bedding a hijabi, no less. Your husband provides for you and is still your best friend, don’t lose that for a thrill…
I thank Allah (swt) I work with a bunch of chubby old Russian ladies!
It’s easier said than done, I know of a sister who loves her husband but no matter what he can’t last long enough for her to be satiated, he thinks she is someone who just isn’t normal because he thinks he’s doing everything he can, but she ends up faking it as she has needs that he can’t fulfill, she ends up helping herself if you know what I mean.
It’s sad because a man can go to his wife to dispel his needs but a wife can’t always go to her husband because he may not be wanting it or once the husband has had his fill he wants to sleep leaving the wife frustrated and craving for fulfilment. If she tries to talk about it, he gets upset as if questioning his manhood so she gives up and does it her way.
Wish there were more brothers like you who understand sisters, wish men went through a training programme that could teach them stuff for their wives because a lot of men are naive in this aspect.
JazakAllah khair brother, I know you are right, the other guy is outta my life my,.InshAllah I pray it lasts, he was also Muslim and practising so it really wasn’t about the novelty of bedding a Hijabi, I feel it was more a case of working too closely and not givng our respective marriages enough attention. I did get that other job, Allah SWT has given me so many chances to get outta this Alhumdulilah. Plz keep praying for me 🙂
Things have not improved much, I thought they were getting better, but looks like I’m stuck in a rut. Went months without talking them bam, so him in the street one day and the cycle began again. Why cant I stop this?? I feel like an addict
I just read sister Layla’s post and feel deeply sorry for her. It’s not that easy just going to your husband when the connection just doesn’t exist. Sister, I hope you did find a new job away from your co worker, I pray that you maintain the separation between you, because its easy, especially if you’re having a bad day to just drop that one text and bang, it starts all over again. Moments of weakness will come but fight past them, it’s not worth it, you are not alone, I have been through a similar situation, Alhumdulilah, I’m over it and you will be too InshAllah, never give up on Allah SWT’s mercy, you will constantly be tested, just be aware of that, may Allah SWT ever guide you, Ameen
[…] Temptation: Part I | Part […]
keeping yourself occupied is not gona stop u from porn. arent you by yourself when you sleep? you have 2 feel that allah swt is on top of your head.once you feel that allah swt is on top of your head you will fear him. this is what we call ihsan. this addiction is not impossible 2 stop. and just remember, you have 2 stand in front of allah swt one day.
knowledge of self and being prepared also helps
Know your weaknesses well, know when where how what triggers your temptAtions.
Plan in advance what your tactic is to deal with that temptation
Many problems can be solved if detected early before they solidify
Most of us are good most of the time. The real battle is only for crucial moments.
If we can learn and master strategy to control our behaviors during those crucial moments we win. Remember, we all have enough will power, but what we lack is self awareness, and tactics to deflect away temptations.
Ask yourself these questions and memorize them.
Where do you get tempted?
When you go to beach?
When you go to mall?
You are alone and you have access to internet ?
When you are bored?
So how do we plan? I’ll give some ideas, its not exhaustive, find your own.
If i get an urge of sin, i go out on a walk for an hour
Believe me this urge will go away, we have to practice distraction
If i get an urge ill not be alone, take a cold shower ( only localized)
If i get urge i will recite taawwuz or durood or zikr 100 times
Punishment– If you get urge then slap your face(gently) 10 or 20 times recite la hawla….
There can be many things but You have to plan some tactic to deal with this urge
Or come up with a specific action you will do when temptations or urges begin
Be prepared in advance with if then actions to deal with urges
This battle has to be all out from all sides.
Meditation id consider is a must weapon in your arsenal.
Just empty your mind. Theres a way to do it. Ask if you want to know.
Meditation brings stillness in the mind and body, removes distractions and makes mind body calm. Meditation needs to be done every day for as much as you can. It will quickly reformat your brain wirings and minimize urges to come, or if they come will prepare you to deal with them better.
Make sure you make note of how when why you slip?
What factors give you urges?
If you know your weaknesses very clearly , then you can have a battle plan
Also it goes without saying to avoid environment of sin as much as possible
Keep positive attitude, Allah is merciful, never despair. Satans trick is to put you in despair. Beware!
If you trip get up and move forward, use tawbah to keep coming back. This is key.
Never give up. Inshallah time will come when you win. End result matters, its ok if it takes time, be steadfast, dont give up.
One big mistake people think that its all about will power. No its not!
We all have enough will power. Mostly it is lack of self awareness, lack of planning and practice of tactics
May Allah swt save us.
as salam alaikum, barak allah feek, i notice that the most important advice was not there!GET MARRIED!!!!
from the age of 12 year old I told me son “whenever you want to I will support you to get married becasue it’S better than commiting zina!” alhmdulilah he got married at 21 mashllaha and now im a granny.
we uphold these romantic unislamic ideals of marraiges that should last forever when there is no gurantee, some of teh sabaha and even wives of the prophet salah la alaihi wa salem were divorcess, surely it better to get married even if it doesnt work out than have loads of frustated young people comiiting secret zina!
Great article. Goes for women as well, as many have already mentioned.
Thanks again for this article, after slipping up again 🙁 it has reminded me to not lose hope in repenting and I will try again and practise the points you mentioned at the end.
The part that Allah can change your bad deeds into good deeds made me realise how great Allah really is and made me ashamed of what I’ve done…I hope we all battle our temptations and not give in to them and that Allah gives us victory over them. Ameen
[…] Make Mad Supplication. Last but not least, talk to Allah; show him how much you really want to change! Do it humbly and follow the etiquettes of du`a’: make ablution, face the qiblah, raise your palms up, praise him with His most beautiful Names, pray upon the Prophet ﷺ. Then, ask Him to help you overcome your habits or addiction, and replace your lusts and desires with His love and the desire to please Him. Pray softly, humbly and with awe and fear (if you cry, that’s even better)—and trust that Allah will answer your prayers. Do this often; after the call to prayer, after you pray, and in the last third of the night. (Source: SuhaibWebb.com) […]
What’s if we tried self punishment, and now we reached a point where it’s to hard? Like we promise 10 fasts in a row, and 1000$ if we watch, and we did a few times. How can i fulfill something that difficult?
May Allah save us all from temptations,
I had two e-mail accounts, one which i used to sign up for any porn site.
I had even homo sexual feeling and watching such things on net..
what I did with the help of Allah, lots of dua and repentance….
it worked for me.
then I had to leave her in order to work abroad. but by the mercy of Allah, I stayed in the straight path. after some months I got internet connection in my N8. so was accessing my both e-mails and was deleting all the porn advertisements with our reaing them…
then the temptation from Satan or my weak nafs tempted me many times and I struggled to resist. but you know, after the 30 days fasting of last ramadan I found my foot in the same shoes which our ‘Ahmad’ wore.
but Al hamdulillah, again lots of repentance …
now iman up..
then again failed to porn..
then I found one thing strange…
I just deleted the e-mail account which was dragging me to porn !!
good, no more temptation..
again felt close to Allah, or at lest felt a muslim peace mind…
but I should say, failures and repentances increased my iman and taqwa…
then after my vacation, I thought I will not leave my wife again but was forced due to financial issues..
now when I came back to our old room, I found the room mates managed to get a high speed wifi which I have also need to pay a small amount..
I was amazed, shaytan was whispering in my heart, ” just check the old porn sites with the new high speed wifi” I said “no” many times.
but you know, last week I failed two times..
and the second time when I was watching porn(you know, I was fasting the day time-and porn at nigt), i murmured myself, I am not going to repent any more, this is nice.. or how can i ask forgiveness again…
but alhamdulillah, soon after i finished, by the mercy of Allah, I repented and now feel ok..
please pray for me you all, so that I can bring my wife to this country where i work, or I can get my rizq in my country to stay with her..
sorry for the long and bad english text
I’m a Muslim divorced sister unmarried. I was married for 2 months with an abusive man. I’ve been now single for 4 years and no relationship has worked out for me. I have been making a lot iof douas to Allah to guide me and send me a good spouse. im educated and smart and good looking and practicing Musilim alhamdulila but still it hasn’t worked out for me.
I’m being very patient but my desires have been really creeping up on me.
it’s extremely difficult and now reached the point where I do haram and watch haram and please myself because I feel like the desires have taken over me.
I’m in desperate help because I’m worried that I’m destroying My mind and that I won’t be able to have a normal relationship with a man again.
it’s depressing me tremendously and I need help.
I hope I am cured from this disease and I hope to get married soon in order to release all this tension and stress.
any advice is more than welcomed.
Assalam o alaikum,
Jazak Allah Khairan for a most beautiful and practical article. I am . . . sinful. but reading this article shook me with a mighty shaking and as momentous and almost impossible as the task seems, I have hope in the Mercy of Allah Azzawajal that He will come to my aid and all those others struggling with similar matters.
the situation described doesn’t apply to me directly but has very striking resemblance to my situation. I have to regularly interact and work with a female colleague of mine to whom I am attracted, and even though she is married she seems to enjoy the attention I give her and keeps giving me leeway by allowing me to flirt with her and not push me away. It became easier for me when I was assignged to a different branch of the company but even now the brief, occasional interaction I have with her is enough to leave her image imprinted on my mind. Its really been a disaster for my personal life, especially, I think, because I am unmarried. I had been looking to get married before I met her but lately her image is so badly imprinted on my mind that I can’t seem to think of anyone else. and on top of all this I regularly turn to porn.
Get married or die fasting..
What’s helped me overcome everything to a large degree, is through reading the Mathnawi of Rumi, it’s too good, full of wisdom, and teaches you the way to be on the inside and the outside. You learn the temporal nature of things and this can potentially cure you.
I’ve come close to doing the deed. And that is not to play with fire. The fact that we are innocent, we think we test the limits, but don’t realise that we can tip over the edge.
Mashallah, I am no longer playing with fire (I am restraining myself more), and this is largely to an increase in knowledge. I read Sufi material, as well as philosophy, such as from the Stoics. I feel that I have learnt my lesson, and won’t approach these temporal pleasures, because basically what you are doing is satisfying your body illegally, although your soul takes a beating that you won’t forget. It’s not worth it, and Inshallah I will never do anything like that unless it is with my future wife.
I’ve repented and learnt my lesson. Look up the Confessions of St. Augustine, also. Might be a help.